From: elf@chinook.halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories
Subject: Journal Entry 292/0000  [ Days Before ]
Date: 8 Oct 1994 18:56:41 GMT
Organization: Northwest Nexus Inc.
Lines: 1124
Message-ID: <376q19$5ch@news.halcyon.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: chinook.halcyon.com

Mettare, 0000

	"You're showing signs of obsession," Fawn observed calmly.  

	"You mean, I've never shown signs of obsession before?"  I 
asked, leaning back in the leather armchair that dominated my office.  
"Fawn, if we're right I'm going to spend most of eternity with plenty 
of company, but today is my thirtieth birthday and I haven't seen 
another human face in nearly four years.  I'm lucky I haven't gone 
crazy."  

	"Your dedication to your self-proclaimed project is impressive.  
I don't understand why you have a need now for company, and I don't 
understand why you want this particular woman."  

	"One, because she's female.  I would hardly get along so well 
with another man, Fawn.  Two, because if the legends are right she 
has exactly the resources I need.  And three, because I feel sorry 
for her.  Is the last one okay with you, miss AI?  Abused, battered, 
raped and abandoned... you think I'm not supposed to feel sorry for 
her?  By the way, how's my ancient Greek?"  

	Fawn paused.  If she could sigh, I swear I would have heard one 
right then, but Fawn is relatively bereft of emotions.  "Your Greek 
is fine.  It had better be with the way I've been teaching you.  I 
have the location you want in seven coordinates."  

	"Thank you, Fawn."  I turned the chair around and headed down to 
the hangar bay, where Fawn sat waiting in the Destiny.  How she moved 
around like was beyond me; even more beyond me was why she moved at 
all.  Just hook a data coupling to her and she was happy; why she 
drew no power was another of those things I had long ago decided not 
to question.  She did what I wanted.  

	Pendor!  I could open up the skylights and watch it spinning, 
illuminated by the only star in this tiny, pocket universe.  
According to Fawn, this universe hadn't even existed until we came 
here; the introduction of four photons moving at odd angles to one 
another defined the new space.  With the dumping of our G7 
(previously G8) star here, the universe was now expanding as a 
sphere, at three hundred thousand kilometers every second.  

	I don't even know where the word came from; everything else I 
made a conscious effort to name but where the word 'Pendor' came from 
was beyond me.  But as I passed through the observatory I looked out 
onto the silently turning ring, complete with land, water, and air... 
and still lifeless.  And this mineral-heavy rock that my operational 
base sat on, once a tectonically stable planet in its own right until 
Fawn and I had mined it clean for its internal resources, slowly 
orbited the star 'Pin' inside the orbit of the ring.  I couldn't help 
it; just looking at it, only one-third complete but still an 
incredible achievement of imagination and engineering, brought tears 
to my eyes.  

	The shuttlecraft 'Destiny' and its sister ship 'Density' sat 
side- by-side in the enclosed bay.  I climbed into the first one and 
sat down in the pilot's chair, taking a few moments to refamiliarize 
myself with the controls.  "Ready, Fawn."  

	The airlock opened slowly, and with a gentle turn of the auto-Z 
dial we rose above the equally airless surface of Ops.  "I'm ready 
for the transition," Fawn announced.  

	"Then do it."  

	Like blinking my eyes, I was suddenly staring out the front 
viewport at a sky full of stars.  "Terra is to plus-x, minus-z.  To 
your left and below, in other words.  As always, we have no 
telemetry," Fawn announced.  

	"Gotcha," I said.  Banking with a slight roll, I looked down and 
located the islands of what would someday be known as Greece.  "Can 
you give me an illustration of Ida on a map, Fawn?"  

	"Right there," Fawn announced.  "Screen three."  

	I glanced up and over at the screen she indicated, looking at 
the map.  "Give me an approach to Ida then, and let's take her in."  

	"Approach plotted.  How's that?"  

	"Perfect," I said.  I rolled back to a planar attitude and 
pitched forward, firing the engines.  "We're going down."  

	Twenty minutes later the counter-gravitics were stirring up the 
water off the coast of the island of Ida.  Outside the window I could 
see the island itself, a long, sloping hillock of bright green grass, 
slowly emerging from the ocean.  Further up the side of the hill I 
could see a treeline, and then it seemed to drop out of sight.  
"Looks like the kind of place I'd like to retire to someday," I 
joked.  "Beautiful country, though."  

	Fawn scanned the horizon carefully, watching for ships, 
observers on the island, anything.  "We're looking for 'the caves off 
the rocky coast of Ida,'" I said.  

	"That implies it might not actually be on Ida itself."  

	"I know," I growled.  "Don't remind me."  

	"I have a geological construction that might be 'The Caves of 
Ida."  

	"I hear a 'but.'" 

	"You can't reach them without going for a swim."  

	"Break out the SCUBA gear," I chuckled.  "That's not too hard."  

	"I'm powering up a drone in case you need help."  

	"I won't need help," I insisted.  "What's the water like?"  

	"Twenty three degrees centigrade," she replied.  "Amazingly warm 
for this clime."  

	"Would you recommend a wet suit?"  

	"Only the very lightest," Fawn replied.  "Soft neoprene would be 
fine."  

	"Got it," I said, jumping into the back compartment.  "Head as 
well?"  

	"Not important," Fawn replied.  "And the visibility underwater 
seems to be optimal."  

	"Lack of pollution," I said, pulling the jacket closed and 
zippering up.  "How close are we?"  

	"I've moved us to just at the opening of the caves and am about 
to set us down on the water."  An accompanying 'boom' acknowledged 
that we had 'landed.' "We don't have a moonpool, Ken, so I recommend 
you go out the top hatch and jump in."  

	"What's the depth?"  

	"Where we are?  Ten meters.  No threatening life forms."  

	"Thank you," I said, stuffing some extra hardware into a 
waterproof pack and sealing up.  After assembling the tanks and 
regulator and assuring that I had a good supply, I said, "Ready?"  

	"Be careful, Kennet."  

	"I'll be fine, Fawn.  I'll be back before you know it.  And I 
have my telemetry and radio rig."  

	"You know I'll be watching."  

	"I know."  I climbed up the ladder and up onto the slowly 
rocking roof of the shuttlecraft.  Looking around, first without my 
mask, I breathed in the warm, clean air.  "Terra, pristine and 
clear."  I saw some birds flying on the island nearby, and laughed.  
One thing we will never get rid of, though, is the damned seagulls.   

	I gave beautiful Ida one last glance before jumping into the 
water.  I always see this bright red button in my imagination when I 
do things like that, with a finger poised over it.  The button is 
labelled 'COMMIT.' 

	The splash surrounded me and bubbles followed me down as I 
kicked and regained control.  Clearing my head, I looked around for 
the opening of the caves Fawn had indicated.  I could see for miles; 
visibility was incredible.  

	After I found the opening, I eased myself into it.  I started to 
feel anxious; I knew of too many people who had died cavediving, 
running out of air and slowly strangling to death.  The idea made me 
shiver.  I knew, though, that if Fawn had the slightest idea I was in 
trouble she would send an army of drones down here to blast their way 
to me and rescue me.  

	Flashlight in hand, I made my way through what seemed to be a 
deliberately, if roughly, hewn passageway.  After what seemed like 
forever (a glance at my watch told me fifteen minutes), I started to 
notice more light around me.  I stopped for a minute, turning off the 
flashlight and waiting for my eyes to adjust.  After a while I felt 
secure enough to move on, making my way on just the bioluminescence 
around me.  

	The light brightened appreciably after a moment, and I looked 
up.  Through the water I could see what looked like a dome of light, 
and I decided that, if this wasn't the place, I had to at least be 
close.  I surfaced.  

	A cliche', I mused, looking around.  A small grotto, filled with 
air and covered is glowing mosses.  The air had a stale taste to it, 
and a strange smell, like fresh bread.  Except for the lack of a rock 
in the center of the pool, this might have been the place Bilbo and 
Gollum had their famous duel.  

	I took my mask, fins, and rig off and found a place for them on 
the shore.  Hopping up onto the beach strewn with black and grey 
stones, I looked around, that odd bread smell nagging me.  Then an 
old line from a song by The Who ran through my mind, and I scrabbled 
for my radio.  "Fawn," I said.  "Can you hear me?"  

	"Clearly," came her voice over the radio.  

	"I'm fine.  I'm going to need you to send me the drone with a 
medical support kit level two, with as much glucose and water as you 
can possibly get it to carry."  

	"On its way."  

	I hummed the song that had come to mind, "Cache', Cache'," 
looking for my prospective target.  She had to be here somewhere.  
"Waking up cold to the smell of bread," I said aloud, still 
searching.  I found her.  

	I found her lying comatose against a large boulder at the far 
end of the pool from where I had come up.  Her hair was matted and 
bedraggled; insects crawled over her body.  She wore a rotted tunic 
that barely covered her shoulders and apparently reached down to 
cover her knees when she stood.  Even through the ruin, though, I 
could see what had once been a very beautiful woman.  I checked for 
heartbeat, pulse, breathing.  There was some.  With my flashlight I 
checked her eyes; they still contracted under contact from light.  
There was still a chance.  A pool of water had collected around her, 
and that worried me.  

	The drone erupted from the water in a sheaf of bubbles and a 
slight spray.  Behind it was a large bag filled with the medical 
supplies I had requested.  

	"Fawn, will these things even work on her?"  

	"I have no idea," the AI replied.  

	"Great," I said.  I tapped her arm at the elbow, trying to get a 
vein to stand up.  I felt relieved when I found one.  Fitting the IV 
quickly, I rigged the stand up overhead and began a fast drip of 
water and glucose into her arm.  

	One of my medical teachers once told me that starvation and 
dehydration were among her favorite things to treat, because, as she 
said, "You fit an IV into their arm and they're up an running like 
nothing ever happened.  The family thinks it's a miracle."  

	My patient didn't come around so easily.  I fretted over her for 
nearly an hour, feeling better as her heartbeat appeared to get 
stronger, and her eyes started moving again, albeit under their lids.  
"Sleep?" I asked Fawn.  

	"How should I know?  Could you rig me some telemetry maybe?"  

	"Oh, sorry," I said.  

	"Don't bother," Fawn replied.  "To accurately determine a sleep 
state I'd need either visual confirmation or EEG, neither of which 
you have the hardware for."  

	"If you say so."  

	"It's all I can say right now."  

	"Thanks," I said grumpily.  

	I waited further.  At least I felt now that goddesses responded 
to intravenous feeding.  Or hoped they did.  She did seem to be 
getting better, a pink glow returning to her cheeks.  She still 
seemed more pale than was healthy.  

	It occurred to me that I hadn't even thought to question that 
the woman before me was brilliantly caucasian.  Blond, loosely curled 
hair with just a touch of golden-red to it framed a rounded face now 
made haggard by her self-inflicted wasting.  

	I had my back to her, putting some of my gear away (I had 
recently developed a bit of a neatness complex.  I have no idea 
why.), when I heard a small whimper, then a cough.  I turned around 
quickly.  

	"Hey," I breathed.  "Calm down.  Everything is fine."  

	She coughed.  I winced; that didn't sound good.  "Who," she 
said, her voice rasping, "Who are you?"  

	I smiled.  "My name is Kennet."  

	She coughed again.  "My arms... they hurt."  

	"I'm putting medicine into you."  

	She looked down.  "That... that is not possible yet."  

	I smiled.  "You really do know medicine, don't you?"  

	"Feeding someone through their veins... we have no medicine for 
that.  Apollo said it was silly to teach me because nobody I knew 
would ever be able to do that."  

	"Apollo, huh?" I said, grinning.  

	"You do not believe in the gods?"  she asked, her voice cracking 
and sometimes collapsing into a whisper.  

	"Let's just say I might be one, and having been one, I'm not 
impressed."  

	She watched me curiously.  "Where are you from?" she asked.  
"How did you find me?"  

	"Where I am from," I said softly, "Is difficult to say.  I am 
from an airless, waterless ball of rock that floats near another 
star.  I am from the future, and have not been born yet."  

	She looked at me with no comprehension.  "You are a god."  

	"No," I said, shaking my head.  "I can't take that from you, 
Oenone."  

	"You do know my name, then."

	I nodded.  "I came looking for you."  

	"Why?" she asked, surprised.  

	"Oenone, I will not be born for two thousand years.  One 
thousand years from now, barbarians will come and destroy a library 
in Persia, a library containing the greatest writings, the highest 
record of these islands and their learnings.  Your legends will burn, 
and only echoes of who you are will reach my ears.  You are mentioned 
only in the glossing, Oenone, as the wife of Paris before he became 
important.  

	"Yet, enough of your story survives to tear my heart from my 
chest.  Oenone, I cannot undo the wrongs that have been done to you, 
but I want to take you away from this world.  I have a dream that I 
want you to help me fulfill.  I will be honest with you-- I want you 
there for your skills and powers, I want to use you for my goal."  

	She looked away.  "I cannot.  Please..."  

	"Oenone, please.  Let me convince you my goal is worthwhile.  
Let me show how much I want you there.  I..."  I reached out to touch 
her cheek.  "I think you're very beautiful."  

	"Not so beautiful to hold him to me," she whispered.  She looked 
up, snarling, "If you want beauty, go seek Helen."  

	"Helen pales compared to you, Oenone.  She is like mead; one 
cannot survive on mead, no matter how light and sweet it may be.  One 
requires real food.  Of all the women in Paris's life, who was true 
to him?  You were.  And did he reward you?  He spurned you, is 
responsible for Korythus's death, and turned to you only because he 
needed you to heal him."

	"That is no less than what you want.  You said you need me.  You 
want to use me.  Are you better than Paris again?"

	"No," I said sadly.  "I cannot be better than Paris.  I cannot 
measure up to the man Zeus called 'The most beautiful man in the 
world.'  And I cannot promise you what they call 'faithfulness' here, 
because that won't be the faithfulness in my world."

	She looked at me; the IV was doing its job well, because her 
eyes had cleared and she looked me over with intent.  "Tell me your 
dream."

	I laid it out before her, weaving with words that sometimes had 
no meaning to her, my entire dream of Pendor, of the people I wanted 
to live my life with, of the peace I wanted to know.  Of the 
difficulties.  And of the powers of a Goddess who was born with the 
power to make the waters do her bidding, and who had learned medicine 
and prophecy beyond those, and of what she could do for me.

	Talking like that makes me enthusiastic, rhapsodic.  She looked 
up at me, reaching up with a hand.  "Kennet, you will take me away 
from this place?"

	I kneeled down in front of her, brushing a lock of her hair away 
from her face.  "Oenone, daughter of Celebren, I will take you to a 
place where a century of peace will let you forget Paris and Helen 
and Ida and Troy, and when you again hear of Terra it will be 
millenia removed from this age.  Troy will be swallowed in a sea of 
sand, and teachers will dig over those sands for their amusement."

	She looked up.  "Take me there."

	"I warn you.  The beginning is not going to be easy."

	"I do not want easy.  I do not want to die, and nothing here 
holds me to life.  Perhaps you will have something that does."

	I smiled.  "Thank you, Oenone.  I can never repay you for your 
first simple 'Yes.'"

	She scowled.  "You will find a way.  Where is your vessel?"

	"Outside these caves.  Come on."  I gave the drone the medical 
bag, and we followed it out, picking our way through the rocky 
passageway.  Emerging into the sunlight, I blinked, looking back and 
making sure that Oenone was still following me.  As I surfaced, 
blinking yet again, I spotted the Destiny a few hundred meters away 
and began swimming for it.  She followed.  The drone was already 
clambering up the ladder when I got there, and Oenone followed close 
behind.  "This is your vessel?" she asked suspiciously.

	"This is my ship, yes."

	"It does not look much like a ship."  She bobbed in the water, 
looking healthier by the second.  Maybe it was the sunlight.

	"It is, trust me.  Come on."  I made my way up the ladder.  At 
the top, however, a pair of feet grabbed my attention.  I looked up 
along the legs attached to those feet, and finally took in the sight 
of a large, powerful-seeming woman standing over me.  "Come up, 
little godling.  We have something to discuss."

	I blinked.  "Excuse me?"

	"Come here first."

	"I think you'd better do what she says, Ken," Fawn's voice came 
from an external speaker.  "She's got me pretty frozen."

	Concerned for the kind of power that could 'freeze' Fawn, I made 
my way up to the roof of the Destiny, as the woman made room for me.  
As Oenone reached the top of the ladder, "Reah!"

	"Oenone," the woman now identified as 'Reah' acknowledged.  "Are 
you well?"

	"I am, Great Mother."

	At least five centimeters taller than I, this woman with dark 
and curly hair, her arms crossed in front of her, a long blue tunic 
flowing out behind her even without wind radiated such a sense of 
power that I felt myself compelled to admit that maybe, just maybe, I 
was dealing with an honest 'god' of some sort.  Or, at least, a power 
I didn't have at my beck and call.  "Now then, little godling, do you 
know who I am?"

	I thought for a second, trying to remember who Reah was.  "The 
Titan Reah, mother of Zeus."

	She smiled.  "You are correct.  You are threatening to take one 
of my children offworld without her knowing the full import of her 
acts."

	"Reah, she's going to die if I don't."

	"Maybe that is her destiny."

	"Really?" I said.  "Is that what your prophecy says, Reah?"  I 
pointed to Oenone.  "Is the skill you gave her so small you can't 
tell?  That is your particular skill, isn't it, Reah?  Prophecy?"

	"Do not meddle with me, Kennet Shardik.  I have learned much 
about you from your meddlesome clockwork."

	I grinned.  'Clockwork' was anachronistic for Reah; she 
shouldn't have known it as a word.  'Clocks' didn't exist in ancient 
Greece.  "I asked her to come of her own free will, and she does so 
with what knowledge I have given her.  Is that so wrong?  Did I lie 
to her?"

	"We are not meant for the stars."

	"I've been there, Reah.  I've been there and back.  Oenone 
wishes to get away from this little ball of rock.  Mine is much less 
prettier right now, but that will change with time.  She can help me.  
Tell me, Reah, how much of your pantheon is built on use?  How much 
of life is built on how 'useful' Artemis is, or Eris, or yourself?  
Can't Oenone offer something just as useful, just as beautiful, to my 
world and my people as you do to yours?"

	Reah seemed thoughtful.  She looked over at Oenone, then crossed 
the deck to lift Oenone's face up to look at her.  Something passed 
between them, and if I could find words to express it I would.  It 
was simply ineffable.  Then she turned to me.  "Kennet Shardik, I am 
warning you.  I taught Oenone one-third of her skills out of love.  
She is a child of mine.  My grandson abused her body, and a man my 
son admired abused her spirit and her love.  She has nothing that is 
unbruised.  So listen, young godling.  Your powers are vast, vaster 
even than my whole pantheon, because they are backed by your dream, a 
plan so audacious there is no mind in this era that could hold it.  I 
wish you good work, and I hope you find Oenone useful to you and she 
find you useful to herself.  But if you harm her in any way, I will 
reach across the centuries and the stars to strangle the life out of 
you with my own hands."

	I gulped as the sun itself seemed to dim against her promise.  
Finally I nodded.  "I understand."

	Her hand brushed my cheek, and my whole body lit up as if on 
fire.  "Do not be afraid.  You are a good man, Kennet Shardik."

	"I hope so, Reah."

	"Go, both of you."  I clambered down into the Destiny, Oenone 
following behind me anxiously.  "Close upper hatch," I ordered Fawn 
the moment she was clear.

	"Closing.  That was truly Reah!"

	"Yes it was," I said.  "Or at least, an amazing simulation.  
Let's get out of here."

	"I have full power."

	"Hold on," I said.  "We'll strap in.  Oenone, sit in that 
chair."  The rather confused little nymph sat down in her chair 
timidly, looking surprisingly fetching in what seemed a fully-healed 
state, but her dress torn and tattered, exposing much of her body to 
my eyes.

	I reached over to her and helped her buckle in.  "Safety first," 
I said.  She smiled at me wanly.  "Full power, Fawn."

	The ship lifted nose-first from the water, and then with a 
powerful kick we were skyborne.  I looked over at Oenone.  Her face 
was one of sheer terror.  "Celebren!" she gasped.

	I grinned and paid attention to flying.  "Transition in ten 
seconds," Fawn announced.  I nodded as the countdown continued.  When 
it reached "now" the sky blanked and suddenly we were over Ops.  
"We're ready for the landing," I announced.

	"Copy," Fawn replied.

	"Landing," I said.  "Home again, home again, jiggety-jig."  I 
laughed softly as the shuttlecraft was once again pulled below the 
surface of Ops and the doors closed over us.


	"It is all so much!" Oenone said with a gleeful giggle as she 
dove into the beautiful pool of waters that stretched out in front of 
us.  "I do not believe how much power I have had here!"

	"Millions of years have been compressed for us by travelling 
forward," I said, sitting by the edge of the pool as she swam naked 
through the waters.  "You and I, we have only watched six years, 
Oenone, but for Pendor, millions have slid by as Fawn has pulled us 
along, stopping as I order to make sure that life is taking the path 
I most intend for it to take.  The azzies keep the process moving 
forward while culling those lines that might compete eventually with 
my plans."

	She swam over to me and folded her arms over the rock I sat 
upon, holding her head out of the water.  "Centaurs first?"

	"I've already begun work on them," I said.  "I've even chosen 
the field where they will be released."

	She frowned slightly and then disappeared under the water.  
Knowing full well she could hear me, I said, "Something wrong?"

	"I do not want... visitors."

	"They're not visitors.  They're going to be my children, Oenone.  
They're going to be the people I bring up into the world.  Reah 
called me a godling, and I'm going to prove her right.  I'm going to 
create a life where there was none."

	She walked out of the pool and sat down next to me, her limpid 
curls dripping with water.  She touched my cheek gently, her fingers 
cool.  "I have had the most peaceful six years of my life here.  I 
have been allowed to be alone, and to be at peace.  I have left my 
old life behind, Kennet, and all for you."

	"I couldn't have reached this," I said, gesturing around, "If 
you hadn't been there at the start.  The power you wield when nobody 
limits you is unbelievable, I agree."

	"That does not matter," she whispered.  "I did as you asked, and 
you did as I asked.  There is no bargain between us anymore.  I have 
no right to ask you to cut your dream short because I like Pendor the 
way it is now, alone, pristine, unmolested."

	"And I won't do it anyway," I said firmly.  "Forgive me for 
being imperious, but on that I am adamant.  You will not get me to 
give up the gene tanks."

	"I did not think so," she smiled.  "Can you... Can I ask you a 
favor?"

	"What?"

	"Find me a place where I will not be bothered."

	I nodded.  "How about on Pandora?"

	"Anywhere," she said.  "On Pendor, Pandora... just, somewhere 
silent, pleasant.  I do not want to be here when the Centaurs are 
decanted.  I want to be far away, where I can forget."

	"Do you want the library?"

	She smiled.  "Yes, I would like a copy of the library."

	"You know what that means, don't you?"

	"If ever an age comes when Pendor falls, I will have some 
responsibility for putting it all back together again," she replied. 
"I am prepared for that eventuality.  And, I trust you, Kennet.  
Pendor will not fall."

	"Is that hope or prophecy?"

	"I will not say," she said, smiling at me, then diving back into 
the water.  I hauled out the little folding terminal I carried around 
nowadays and waited for the connection to solidify.  After a few 
minutes, I located a clump of isolated islands on Pandora with good 
weather.  I ordered that the five nearest Shipping SDisks be removed 
from around those islands, that one of the moderate-sized islands on 
the outskirts of that clump be selected as a construction site, and 
that a robot team head there the second one was free.  I spent about 
an hour working up site characteristics and construction, and when I 
was done I had something that was more Roman in outlay, but I 
retained the Classic Greek construction, as near as possible.


	"You have pitched a tent?" she asked, looking at the unlikely 
construction that reigned over much of the meadow.  "And you have 
brought those awful machines."

	"They're sleeping," I said.  "In a few days, the Centaur are 
going to wake up under this shape.  It's up to them what they do 
next; hopefully, they'll learn that if they want to live in something 
other than this, they'll have to build it themselves.  Halloran will 
only teach them; they will have to do with what they learn.  That's 
why I built such powerful curiosity into them."

	"I came to thank you," she said.

	"You're leaving, then?"

	She nodded slowly.  "I am going to my home on Pandora to stay 
this time.  I have learned, from you, that I have much to do with 
myself before I want to face the world.  I have hated enemies to 
forget, and to bury.  And I have to learn that I can never love you."

	"Oenone!"

	She shook her head.  "No," she said.  "Do not disagree with me, 
Kennet.  I can never possess you the way I want to.  You are destined 
for different loves and a different life."  I listened intently.  
What she said next angered me, though.  "I was merely a tool to you, 
I know."

	I reached out and seized her arm.  "Listen to me, Oenone.  I 
love you.  Do you understand that?  I don't ever want to think of 
myself as someone who just uses people and then throws them away.  I 
love you.  I can never give you myself, alone; I am too much inclined 
to share.  But you've given me every reason to respect and treasure 
you, and none to hate you.  You're so incredibly beautiful that I can 
understand Apollo's losing control of himself."  I realized what I 
had just said and released her arm, looking away.  "I'm sorry."

	Her hand touched my shoulder gently.  "Kennet, if you were to 
ravish me, I would cry your name with pleasure while it happened.  It 
takes a strong man to be what you are."

	I turned and looked into her face.  "Oenone, what kind of 
strength does it take to admit that I'm a coward?"

	"Coward?" she laughed.  "Cowards do not confront cowardice, Ken.  
You are an honorable and gentle man, Kennet."  Her hand slipped down 
the front of my shirt, and then I felt her warm breasts pressed 
against my back through the soft flannel of my shirt.  "I wish you 
would accept one night with me before we go our separate ways."

	"Destiny, here, now," I said.  The small shuttlecraft appeared 
in front of us.  I turned, swept Oenone off her feet and boarded it.  
"Her place."  The shuttlecraft literally teleported itself until we 
were on the beach of her home.  The sun was brilliant outside, and I 
ran, still carrying her, together into the sunlit Atrium with its 
brilliantly clear and beautiful pool of polished black-and-white 
marble and the tunnel leading out into the ocean.  Two dolphins swam 
back and forth casually, surprised by sudden shouts of glee as two 
humans leapt in with them.

	Oenone dissolved in my arms, only to reappear behind me, her 
body pressed against mine in all the right places.  "My liege, I do 
love thee," she whispered.

	"My lady, I love you as well," I said, turning in her grasp to 
hold her close and kiss her throat, the curve of her jaw, the pure 
paleness of her cheek, and her bright red lips.

	"You turned me into a full-fledged goddess," Oenone whispered.  
"I am everything my grandfather was, and maybe even more.  I can 
become a wave, or a droplet, or a woman, or an eagle."

	"And you turned me from an engineer into a father.  How can I 
ever forget that?"

	She laughed.  "You will never have to."  As I trod water, she 
again dissolved away.  Damn, I hate when she does that; it's 
frightening.  Then she reappeared and dove under the water, 
head-first for my manhood, taking it into her mouth and closing down.  
I gasped hard, unbelieving at the warmth.  She slid along the length 
of my erection, making me harder than I had ever been in my life.  I 
wanted to reach down and grab her hair, but I was afraid she might 
drown.  "Grab, then," her voice whispered in my ear, and I laughed; 
as if I could drown the Goddess of the Oceans of Pendor.  I reached 
down and seized her hair, just holding her while I felt her mouth 
work its magic about my erection, feeling her tongue caressing my 
manhood and her teeth just lightly grazing the underside.

	Her hair was silky between my fingers and I exercised my legs to 
stay floating with my head above the water.  Her hands grasped my 
buttocks, and slowly her fingers crept closer to my anus, massaging 
it in tiny circles.  I objected a little; I didn't enjoy that kind of 
stimulation.  But she didn't stop, and I didn't want to press it as 
she just lightly massaged around and around the tight ring of flesh.  
Her hand slid down to play with my testicles, scratching along them, 
even underwater, with her long fingernails.

	She surfaced, and the rush of cold water around my thighs made 
whatever gains in rigidity go away almost instantly.  "Did you like?"

	"Oh, Oenone," I said, swimming for the steps, "Come here and 
I'll show you how much I liked it."  She swam towards me in the more 
conventional fashion, the way we humans are known to do.  I grabbed 
her by the waist and hauled her out of the water, spreading her legs 
with my hands.  Her feet dangled in the water, and her sex was 
splayed open for me.  The flesh was pink and full, covered in the 
lightest wisps of golden pubic hair that hid nothing at all.  I 
leaned down and kissed her mound softly, tasting her full-fleshed 
outer lips as she moaned with bright passion.  "Oh, Gods, Kennet..."

	I kissed her vulva, parting her open and tasting her juices that 
ran so clear and fine only a goddess could have had them.  I found 
her pleasure center and licked her teasingly, licking at the thin, 
inner labia.  She wrapped her legs around my shoulders and pulled me 
close, wrapping her fingers through my long hair, which I suppose 
would have been fair if I could have breathed water just as easily as 
she had.  As it was, I was breathing through my nose and desperately 
hoping she didn't pull too hard on my hair.  Not that I objected too 
strongly to this.

	Her legs unwrapped from around my shoulders and she sat up, 
slowly pushing me back with one hand on my chest.  "Kennet... please, 
love me.  Like a man and a woman should."

	I smiled and stood up on the steps, my erection standing out 
fully in front of me.  I reached down and grabbed her buttocks with 
both hands.  She grabbed my shoulders and in one smooth move the two 
of us met, my manhood plunging into her without a chance of mis-aim.  
We joined together at the hip, she and I, as she wrapped her legs 
around my  back.  "I love you," I whispered.

	"And I thee," she whispered back.  We giggled gently as I began 
to stroke within her.  She pulled herself up on her arms, holding us 
close together as we made love, our bodies pitching back and forth on 
the edge of her water-filled home.  The dolphins watched us with 
curiosity, and once, when we paused, we both turned to look and 
splash at them.

	I felt my urgency rise.  I slowed down; I wanted this to last.  
It wasn't fair to my Goddess if this all ended too soon.  Her mouth 
was open and pressed to my shoulder, dropping hot kisses along my 
arm.  I gathered her in my arms as I looked down, watching our 
joining, then glancing up into her face.  She smiled; I kissed her 
smile as I climaxed, moaning against her mouth and tongue.  With just 
as much passion she seemed to moan in reply.

	"Gods, Oenone," I said, leaning back and away from her.  She 
smiled as we slowly released each other so that she again lay on her 
back against the cool marble of the poolside, and I slid out of her 
and into the cool water.  She slid into the water, her soft golden 
curls following her as she shook her head.

	"I love you, my lord," she whispered.  "I understand you."

	I smiled wide, unable to control it.  Tears lifted in my eyes.  
"My Gods, Oenone.  Nobody understand me.  Least of all myself."

	"I understand you enough," she replied I settled down onto the 
steps leading into the pool and she settled herself into my warm lap.  
"I know what you want, and I know you will never lie to me to get it.  
I have never been able to ask that of anyone, and now that I 
understand that, I know I shall want you to be my friend and my lord 
forever."

	I wiped tears from my eyes as I held her closely; she touched my 
cheek, taking a tear against her finger and taking it into her mouth.  
"Sweet salt, without which man would not exist," she said.  Then she 
kissed my cheek.  "Such a man are you, Kennet.  A hero to put even 
Odysseus to shame."

	We dined that evening on cold, cracked crabs, hot soup, and 
tough brown bread, drinking a dry mead and idling about a warm fire 
outside her home, on the beach.  I talked of my dreams again and of 
the life burgeoning in the quiet amniotic tanks upon Pindam.  We 
didn't talk very much; as alone as Oenone said she wanted to be, she 
had also often sought me out for companionship, complaining that Fawn 
and Halloran were boring beings.  I had laughed, Fawn had "Hmph'd," 
and Hal had remained silent.  We had said almost everything we could 
to each other; now her mere presence satisfied me, wordless and 
lovely.  These crabs, the bees that had made this mead, could only 
have existed with both of our efforts.  Power without thought is 
chaos; thought without power is impotent.  Without Oenone, I would 
not have had the right kind of power, and the power I did have would 
have been applied without thought.  I owed her everything.

	She took a stick of wood that she had held back and thrust it 
into the campfire, lighting one end of it on fire, like a torch.  
Then with her other hand she took mine and led me into her home.  
Looking back, I had just enough time to watch the beach wash up much 
further than natural one last time and wipe out our fire.

	She led me into her bedroom, a room decorated in tapestries I 
had had Halloran make for her, tapestries depicting her in fanciful 
and beautiful settings, such as one of her nuzzling a unicorn, or 
another of her leaning against her crookstaff.  The tapestries and 
the rug warmed a room covered in blue-veined white marble and open to 
the sky.  Tonight the weather promised to behave, although if it 
didn't the cover could be drawn with a single string, or a word from 
the owner.  Four slit windows provided more ventilation.

	One wall was less covered than the others; it had to make room 
for a huge fireplace framed with black marble.  Above it a tapestry 
that was more a banner than anything else hung, depicting the symbol 
of Pendor, an elliptical ring with an eight-pointed star in the 
center.  

	Oenone tossed her torch into the fireplace, and it lit; although 
the night had not been very cool, she apparently felt a fire was 
necessary.  Then she pushed me towards the bed with one word.  
"Undress."

	I complied, pulling off my shirt and disposing of my pants 
quickly.  She walked towards me, pulling my face up to look into her 
eyes.  "My beloved Kennet Shardik.  Do you know how precious you are 
to me?  If I never leave this place in ten centuries, I want you to 
promise me you will visit me."

	I felt a wave wash over me inside, looking into her beautiful 
face.  "I promise you, Oenone, I'll visit you.  I don't know how 
often, but visit you I will.  If only to remember how special you are 
to me."

	She smiled.  "Stand," she said, "and remove my tunic."

	I stood, slowly gathering her tunic about her waist.  I pulled 
it up and over her head, the silken blue cloth falling without a 
sound to the floor.  I glanced at her right bicep where a gold 
circlet wound three times about her arm, and brushed my fingers along 
it gently.  "You're far more beautiful now then when I first met 
you."

	"I was something of a waste when you found me, Kennet."

	"I know," I replied, pressing my palms to her cheeks and cupping 
her chin in my hands.  I pulled her close to me and kissed her, her 
eyes closing.  We kissed passionately, lovingly; I pressed my tongue 
to her lips and her tongue slithered out to touch mine, wrestling.  
We slowly fell towards the bed; I lost my grip and we tumbled apart, 
both of us laughing.  She was quicker, straddling me first and 
looking down at me with a light in her eyes.  She slid forward until 
her sex hovered just before my eyes, and then she parted her legs and 
lowered herself to my mouth.  I kissed at the insides of her thighs, 
tasting her sweetly clean skin before turning my head to face her 
sex, digging deep between her lips to take in the wetness dripping 
from her.  I chuckled softly; Water Goddesses should be wet, I 
supposed.

	I pressed my chin against her perineum and licked at her 
clitoris with my eyes open, looking up along the beautiful length of 
her body, between her full breasts to see her staring down at me, her 
mouth smiling.  "You are so good at that."

	I didn't answer, instead nibbling at her labia while trying, 
again without success, to control my smile.  It's not that I don't 
like smiling; it's just that I had better uses at the moment for the 
muscles in my mouth without my grinning like an idiot.  Especially 
since Oenone could only see the pleasure I was experiencing in my 
eyes.  Her sex was flowing, and I actually had to swallow her fluids, 
happily too.  She cooed softly and the cords in her legs became 
visible as tension mounted in her body.  As I licked her clitoris 
harder the orgasmic tension suddenly sprang from her in loud, gasping 
moans, her head tossed back to shout "Kennet!" as she came.

	The spasms subsided and I let my head fall back to the pillow.  
"Oenone?" I asked, looking up.

	"I told you I would cry out your name with pleasure."

	"But I'm not ravishing you," I said, smiling.

	She reached down behind herself; I felt the tips of her fingers 
touch my erection.  "You are hard as coral, Ken.  Why don't you?"

	"You used a contraction," I said, suddenly distracted.

	"I did?" she smiled.

	I slipped out from underneath her; my feet had been dangling 
well off the edge of the bed as I had licked her, and I easily found 
myself standing again behind her kneeling form.  Before she could 
turn around I mischievously placed my hands against her shoulders and 
pushed her face down onto the bed.  "Whoops!" I said.

	She gasped as we fell, and then giggled.  "What are you going to 
do with me, my lord?"

	I seized an ankle and turned her over.  She turned with me, and 
with one hand on each ankle I pulled her legs apart, exposing her sex 
like a glistening pink flower.  "Ravish you," I said as I crawled 
onto the bed and slid myself into her, my hips pressing down upon her 
spread thighs.  She opened her legs further.

	I grabbed her wrists and pinned them down to the bed with my 
hands.  "You want to be ravished, Oenone?"

	"Oh, Kennet," she gasped as I laid my violent hands upon her, 
plundering her sex with my manhood.  "Kennet!"

	"Cry my name, Oenone," I growled, thrusting into her harder, 
pushing deeper within her.

	She gasped as I smiled down at her.  "Ken," she breathed.  
"Ken!" she cried.  "Yes, Ken, please!"

	I possessed her, my hands gripping her wrists tightly, holding 
her in place, making demands of her that her body gave back 
willingly.  Her breasts heaved with every cry of my name, with every 
gasp of pleasure, with every desire for more.  Our earlier play in 
the pool rewarded me now with a slowed response, and as I took her 
she took from me as well, and when my climax struck me like a wall of 
water she still cried my name as I screamed hers... and then I 
collapsed upon her.

	"Oh, Ken," she gasped.  I had somewhere released her wrists, and 
she wrapped her arms around my back, slowly turning us onto our 
sides.

	"Oenone," I murmured.  I raised my hand and pushed a lock of 
hair away from her face.  "You are so beautiful."

	She smiled.  "You are still a man," she said.  "You are tired."

	"Food and lovemaking sort of have that effect on me."

	"In that you are just like other men," she said, stroking my 
chest with her fingers.  "I do understand you."

	"I'm glad someone does."

	"Would you like to sleep now?"

	I nodded.  She smiled back, and almost instantly I was asleep.


	When dawn came I was still tucked quietly between the sheets of 
her bed; the roof had been opened, and light streamed in from the sun 
coming over the horizon.  I turned slowly and looked, seeing Oenone 
sleeping peacefully beside me.  Looking around, I eased myself out of 
bed and, stark naked, made my way to the beach where the Destiny lay 
parked.  I reached up into one of the cupboards and pulled out a 
clean and dry set of clothing.  "Good morning," Fawn said cheerily.

	"Hiya, Fawn," I replied.

	"Ken?" she asked quietly.  The tone of her voice sent a chill up 
my spine.

	"Yes, Fawn?"

	"It's time for me to go.  We agreed."

	I closed my eyes and sighed, looking down at the clothes I was 
wearing.  Blue jeans, a flannel shirt of red and black checks, yellow 
leather boots with yellow laces.  I looked in the mirror; a little 
older, perhaps, than I had looked ten years ago, even with the 
immortality sequences installed.  I was even unshaven.  "When?"

	"As soon as we can."

	"Back to Pindam then."  The Destiny was instantly back in 
Pindam, and next to it and The Density sat an old Pontiac '84 station 
wagon.  Fawn transported herself into it while my back was turned.

	I sighed, walking out to the station wagon and getting behind 
the steering wheel.  "I wonder if I remember how to drive one of 
these things."

	"You don't have to," Fawn replied.  "Ready?"

	I cursed softly.  "Yeah, I'm ready."

	I blinked; we were again on the campus of the State University 
of New York.  "Morrow Hall is right over there," Fawn said.  I 
nodded, looking out the front windshield.  "Campus doesn't open until 
tomorrow; someone walking with a large trunk will hardly be noticed."

	I got out, blinking up into the hot late-summer sun.  Young men 
and women, preparing for college, milled about me.  I slammed the car 
door shut, walked around to the back and opened up the tailgate, 
pulling out the large, black trunk.  It was lighter than it should 
have been; more of Fawn's doing.  I walked across the poorly-tended 
grass to the whitewashed building, trimmed in red.  The second 'r' in 
'Morrow' was tilted slightly, as if it was about to fall off.

	I stepped into the overhang and climbed the stairs, taking a 
right.  A young blond man held the door for me as I stepped through, 
and I thanked him, remembering to speak current English.  The first 
door on the left had been mine.  I knocked.

	The face that answered the door made me smile.  "Who is it?" he 
asked, looking up at me.  "Oh, my God..."

	"Hello, Ken.  Would you let me in?"

	"Who are you?"

	I bullied my way into his room and closed the door behind me.  
"Would you believe, I might be you?"

	The room was a disaster; four two-liter bottles of Coke, one 
half-drained, another unopened, sat on his desk besides an ancient 
computer.  Several copies of Playboy lay strewn about the floor, and 
the place obviously hadn't been swept in weeks.  I knew if I opened 
up the closet his laundry would physically assault me for 
interrupting its rise to sentience.  And on the bookshelf, in a 
cloth-bound three-ring notebook, I saw my dreams and fantasies as 
they had once been a decade ago.  He sat back on the edge of his bed, 
unmade of course, and said, "I might believe it."

	"It doesn't matter what you believe, anyway," I said, smiling.  
"I've come to give you something."

	"What's that?"

	"What's in the trunk," I said, pointing.

	"Okay, so, what's in the trunk?"

	"You'll find out in about ten minutes."  I turned the knob on 
the door.

	"Wait!"

	"I can't," I replied.  "I promised I wouldn't."

	"But... but... I don't understand."

	"Neither did I."  I closed the door behind me.  Quickly, I made 
my way down the stairs.  By the time I got to the bottom step I was 
running for the car.  I slid in behind the driver's column just in 
time to see him running down the stairs.  "Perfect timing," I 
replied.

	The universe blinked out again, to be replaced by the inside of 
the Pindam hanger, and then a soft "pooh" of sound told me that Fawn 
had left my life... forever.  She had promises to keep, but I didn't 
think I would ever actually meet her again, not in this lifetime.

	"Hello, Ken," Halloran said quietly as I closed the door to the 
station wagon.

	"Hello, Hal," I replied.  "How's Paul Lewis coming?"

	"He's ready for decanting right now."

	"How long before dawn at the decanting site?"

	"Four hours.  Decanting will take five and a half, I estimate.  
Consciousness would occur around seven hours from now."

	I walked down to the lab control room where displays revealed 
the status of the seventy-two surviving Centaurs.  I let my eyes scan 
Paul's 
screen carefully.  "Begin the decanting process.  Start with the 
serotonin levels when you're ready to initialize the mentation 
processes."  I thought for a moment.  "Hal?"

	"Yes, Ken?"

	"You have the entire Pendor zoological databank separated from 
your processor-accessed memory, correct?"

	"Yes?"

	"Erase it."

	"Excuse me?"

	"Erase the Zoological Databank.  And the geophysical, the 
geographical, and the meteorological.  Call all of the weather 
stations around the ring sequentially; they're to operate 
independently until further notice, as they were designed.  This 
world is for other people; they should explore it, and put the data 
in themselves.  They are an AI's environment, not the other way 
around.  Do you copy?"

	"It will take a while."

	"Do it," I ordered.  I sighed and sat back in the chair, waiting 
for Paul to awaken, waiting for Halloran to tell me he was done.

	His voice interrupted me.  "Ken?"

	"Yes, Hal?"

	"I've found something you probably want to look at.  It was at 
the end of the erasure sequence, but it's marked to not be erased 
until you have a look at it.  Its creator, according to the rec, was 
Fawn."

	"Display it, please."

	The screen suspended from the ceiling on my right lit up.  The 
message was simple.  "Once more into the breach, dear friend."  I 
smiled.  "Goodbye, Fawn," I whispered at the screen, wondering if she 
meant herself or me by saying "once more."  And then I immersed 
myself in my work, my obsession.

	
--
"Days Before"
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al. 
are copyright (c) 1989-1994 Elf Mathieu Sternberg.  Distribute freely 
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not be sold or otherwise distributed for profit.