From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.furry
Subject: Journal Entry 136 / 0555 [ A Kiss From Aaden ]
Date: 27 Mar 1996 13:18:42 GMT
Organization: Pendor, UnLtd.
Lines: 257
Message-ID: <4jbf7i$99f@news.halcyon.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: coho.halcyon.com
Noren, Narnya 15, 0555
I walked out from the lagoon, following the river down to the
sea to where Dave had told me I'd find him. Even in the dark it
didn't take long; he was sitting on a long-stable jumble of
driftwood, his handsome body silhouetted against the slight shimmer
of ring, wall, and horizon. He seemed to be completely frozen,
staring up along sea, but then he moved slightly, and his arm
closest to me, his right arm, tossed something towards the waves,
returned to his lap, and he was still again.
As I walked towards him I realized why it is I find it so
impossible to write anything that doesn't have Ken somewhere in it.
The way I walk is dictated by his design; the radically heavy
muscles in my heel and the near center-mount of my ankle give me
far more stability on sand than any other Pendorian race of biped;
digitigrades run faster, but I'm never bothered by a patch of loose
sand, and I never lose my balance and fall down.
"Aaden?" I asked, quietly.
He started; that's easy, with him, he startles easily.
"P'nyssa," he replied in kind, his voice low and tired. "Hello."
Despite the tone, the smile and the twinkle in his eye were still
there. Aaden would probably be the last person to admit it, but
there are qualities to him that make him perfect for fatherhood.
"I heard you and Ken had a blowup today," I said, stating my
intentions clearly and at the beginning. "Want to talk about it?"
"It doesn't matter," he said. He threw his arm towards the
ocean again; I saw that he had a lapful of small stones that he had
probably collected from along the lagoon. I wondered why he'd
brought them.
"Yes it matters," I answered.
"No, it doesn't. We haven't had sex in two months. Prag, we
haven't slept together for at least a week. When I try to discuss
it with him, he ignores me." His face lost the building anger and
faded into a profound, tired sadness. "He doesn't feel the way he
used to."
"Aaden," I said gently, jumping up onto the log and sitting
beside him, "You can't expect people to be constant, especially not
Ken. He's working on a new code right now, and it isn't going
well. I've seen this in him before, whenever he hits a major snag,
and when he gets like this, he isn't someone with you live with,
he's someone you live around. Ken never gets tired of people; it
just takes a certain kind of person to live with him, even more
certain than those who just live in the Castle."
"As if anyone 'just lives' in Shardik castle. In other words,
live with it."
"I'm telling you to be patient. Passion's not something you
have every day; it'll return, trust me. I know; I've been living
with him for four centuries now. He does care about you; he loves
you. But he also knows that this is a relationship, a relationship
with immortals, no less. He knows that there's a tomorrow. And I
don't think you want him to take his stress out on you."
The Mephit smile returned, but there was something awkward
about it. Finally he leaned over and rested his head on my
shoulder. "I'm sorry, it's just so frustrating sometimes. I've
never been in a relationship where I didn't feel like I wasn't in
complete control. Even in Rhysh, I was getting what I wanted." He
chuckled a little. "MyFa, I'm a top."
"Or just a pushy bottom," I replied. I'm still not sure if I'm
using those words correctly. "You know, Aaden, nobody has ever
gone after Ken the way you did. I... I sort of came into this by
accident. But you, you came to me and said 'I want to spend an
evening, a day, a week with him.' But you didn't mean Vatare'; I
could see that. You wanted to know Ken. You knew, didn't you?"
"Knew what?" he asked.
"That you and he would be perfect together."
"Do you think so? I don't. I doubt any two people are perfect
for each other. Maybe we were a good match."
"Can I hear your side of the story?"
"What story? How I met him?"
"Mm-hmm," I replied.
"What? The Hex fight?" I nodded again. "There really wasn't
anything special about it. It was one of a dozen games played that
day. It was Ken's first, it was my third, I was tired, he won. It
wasn't some monumental epic battle of wills, of good versus evil.
It was just another friendly, consensual game." He paused as a
chuckle escaped his throat. "They'll probably make a movie about
it."
"They'll probably get Mariko Kakkoden to play me again."
"Was that the Tindal girl in..."
"Yes," I answered tiredly. About the time that Terra and
Pendor had begun their first cultural and material exchanges, a
small group of Pendorians had made a distinctly sexual movie for
Terran consumption. No overt male homosexuality, lots of
interspecies sex, two female homosexual scenes. Ken had laughed
through almost all of it; voyeurism was never his strong point.
But towards the end a young femTindal had come on-camera with her
fur dyed so that her markings matched mine. Same white eyepits,
same grey masking. Even a light tinge of gold across the back;
someone had examined me very well before doing her fur. Although I
found it flattering, Ken was appalled by it. He couldn't legally
stop it's release, but he did write a blistering diatribe in the
Daily News, and it's been the only film "I've" ever appeared in.
"You know what's really the worst part about it?" Aaden asked,
interrupting my memory. "I've never thought this would happen to
me, but there are times when I just get so... needful, I guess. It
isn't just, well, horny."
I laughed. "I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to make
him understand; I imagine it's hard to make anyone understand that
it isn't the sex we're after, it's them. It's him."
We were silent, watching the stars sail by slowly. "Nyss," he
said, "If I tell you something very personal, can you handle it?"
"Depends on the thing, doesn't it?"
"I guess so. Nyss, for the first time in my life, I wish I
wasn't gay."
"Why?" I asked, surprised.
"Because for the first time, there's really a female I care
about, who I love and I want to make love to."
"SOL syndrome," I said smiling.
"SOL?"
"Sooner or Later syndrome."
"Oh. Never heard it as a TLA before." He smiled.
"TLA?" I asked, returning the confusion.
"Three Letter Acronym. And there's always ETLA." I waited.
"Extended Three Letter Acronym."
I rolled my eyes and smiled. "So," I said, trying to get back
to the subject, "Who is this wonderful person."
"You, you silly!" He said, pulling away from me again.
"P'nyssa Traken, always fishing for compliments, and always
blushing when you get them."
And I was blushing; the fur on my face was standing up, letting
the air under; my skin felt flushed and cold simultaneously. Then
every muscle in my body froze as he slowly approached me, closing
the distance to me. His muzzle touched my mouth, his tongue
caressing mine as parts of me reawakened and responded to his
advance.
It was more than I could ever have hoped for: A kiss from
Aaden. In the intimate closeness with him my senses opened up; I
could feel him, smell his clean fur and the sea air, and I could
'path him too, feeling his emotions rolling and spinning within
him. And the one thing I didn't find there was the one thing I
didn't expect to find there- lust.
And then my emotions snowballed in on themselves, and I had to
break away or become lost in the miasma of sensation going on
between us. I broke away.
He looked at me, his eyes wet and worried. "What's wrong?" he
asked. But I could feel what he was really asked, "What did I do
wrong?"
"Nothing," I replied quickly. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to do
that. But I could 'feel' your feelings, and I was so busy
analyzing them that I was distracted. I got annoyed at myself for
being distracted, which led to me being more distracted, more
annoyed, more distracted. I had to stop."
He nodded. "I understand. It must not be easy, being a
telepath."
"And I 'pathed your emotions without your permission; I'm
sorry."
"Nyss, I live with you. Anybody who voluntarily lives with a
telepath had better be ready for the consequences." He smiled.
"Come on, let's go back to the Castle."
I nodded and hopped off the log; he followed more casually.
"We have so much in common," I said. "Same lover, same kids, same
devotion to what we do. By the way, you're no common gardener. I
looked up your qualification, Aaden. Molecular Xenobiologist does
not add up to 'gardener.'"
"Does this mean you want to start calling me Dr. Satpulov?" he
asked, querulously.
"No," I said. "Just saying you put yourself down too much."
"Must be part of my charm," he said, laughing again. It
sounded so good to hear him laugh. I wanted to join him.
"Aaden," I said, "Would you be upset if I told you that I
wanted you; that I treasure you and your company and the children
we raised together, and I'm really sorry that your... 'wiring,' I
guess, keeps us from expressing it in the one way the rest of the
universe seems to put a lot of emphasis with."
He stopped walking, but just stood in the sand, looking at me.
"Rings, no," he said. "I'm just happy with our relationship the
way it is. I'm just glad you told me."
"That kiss is where you told me everything I ever wanted to
know," I said. "I just wanted to hear it with your voice. I
wanted to hear you say you love me. I made you admit it to me, and
along the way I've replied to it automatically from Ken, and from
you. But Aaden, I need to stand right here and look up at your
face and tell you... I love you."
"I know," he said. "I've already said it, but... I love you
too, P'nyssa. And I love that lousy genegineer in his lousy
laboratory, and if he doesn't pay more attention to me I'm going to
throw him down on the bed and fuck his brains out."
"Can I watch?" I asked, bemused.
"Of course you can watch," he laughed. "Come on, let's go
home. It's getting chilly." We started walking again.
"You know," he said, "this isn't the way this scene is
supposed to end."
"How so?"
"Well, if Ken were here, somebody would end up having sex."
"We will," I replied. "Just not with each other."
--
"Journal Entry 136 / 0555 [ A Kiss From Aaden ]"
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are copyright (C) 1989-1995 Elf Mathieu Sternberg. Redistribution of
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