From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.furry
Subject: Journal Entry 191 / 0916  [ Travellogue, Day 9 ]
Date: 29 Apr 1996 14:12:47 GMT
Organization: Pendor, UnLtd.
Lines: 1308
Message-ID: <4m2iov$5vh@news.halcyon.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: coho.halcyon.com

Anar, Urim 20, 0916

    He awoke with garish lights shining through painful eyelids.  
The lights dimmed as he blinked into them, and his surrounding 
resolved into a hotel room... no, a hospital room?  "Welcome back 
to the living," a voice he hadn't heard before said.  The owner of 
the voice was a Felinzi, another housecat, this one with a lush, 
reddish fur.  "I'm Nance Narrone, Skii's father.  I'm also your 
nurse, imagine that."

    "What happened to me?"

    "You've been stabbed, dear boy.  Your lady friend is quite 
worried about you.  Don't worry, Rhys Adnil stitched you back up 
good as new, and P'nyssa and I made sure that your guts will stay 
in place."

    "Stabbed?" Nickolai asked, confused.  "I don't understand."

    "Stabbed.  You know, given the shiv.  Stuck up.  According to 
the report, you did quite a lot of bleeding all over the floor in 
the hotel."

    "I mean, who?  Why?"

    "That I'm not sure about," the Felinzi admitted.  "You'll have 
to ask whoever's in charge of the investigation, not that there was 
much of one."

    "I don't understand."

    "Well, I-"

    "Nickolai!" he heard from the door.  Shardik stood there, as 
did Furry and his mother.  Shardik spoke first.  "You have this 
surprising talent for firsts.  First Terran to be stabbed by 
another Terran on Pendorian soil.  We've had a few Pendorians 
assaulted, usually for sleeping with someone else's companion of 
the moment.  But stabbings?  That's so archaic I doubt the Uncia do 
it anymore."

    "What... what was I stabbed with?"

    "A meat knife."

    "Big?"

    "Not really."  Shardik spread his hands apart several 
centimeters.   Nickolai tried to imagine that much metal being 
shoved into his side, and paled visibly.  Shardik smiled and said, 
"Don't worry.  You're in the finest medical facility in the galaxy, 
as far as we know."

    "How... How long was I out?"

    "Well, the accident only happened at two Lome', and it's about 
six Arie' now... about nineteen hours?"

    "Oh."  He was silent for a moment, then looked over Shardik's 
shoulder and out the door.  "Hello, Mother."

    "Kolya, are you alright?"

    "He's perfectly healthy, Ms Dittrich.  There's not a thing 
wrong with him."

    "Well, that's good.  What's going to happen to that boy?"

    "Wait a minute," Nickolai shouted.  "Just wait, okay?  What 
happened?  Who stabbed me?"

    "Matseh," Furry replied.

    Nickolai absorbed the first word she'd uttered since he'd woken 
with a dull sense of surprise.  "The kid from the mechforce game?" 
he asked.

    She nodded.  "Not even the AI was sure at first, because there 
were  a lot of people in there.  But he left fingerprints on the 
knife, not to mention a dozen other clues."

    "Actually," Shardik said, "his worst mistake was bragging about 
it to his friends.  Not only did one of his friend turn him in, but 
the AI heard him.  Stupid people shouldn't breathe."

    "Shouldn't breed?" Nance asked, as if unsure of what he'd 
heard.

    "Presumably, if they're not breathing, they'll have a hard time 
doing that, too."

    "Kolya..." Furry said, gently.  "Your mother and have been 
having a long conversation."

    "Yes, Kolya," his mother said, picking up the conversation.  "I 
owe 
you an apology.  At first I did not want to sit in the same room 
with her.  But she is a remarkably strong and determined person, 
and I was wrong.  Of all the people on this voyage you could be 
spending time with, she is a good choice."

    "Mom... what made you change your mind?"

    "I'm ashamed to admit it, but you had to get stabbed for me to 
see it.  That book I gave you told me that Pendorians do not care 
what happens to Terrans, and watching how they took care of you I 
saw that just wasn't true.  And seeing how concerned she was 
convinced me of her honesty."

    Furry took two steps forward and leapt the full meter and a 
half to 
the bed, landing smoothly on both feet.  Nickolai was still 
surprised by 
the sheer strength she demonstrated when she wanted to.  She turned 
and sat down next to him.  "And I've managed to convince her that 
you're not a little boy anymore."

    "I did not say that," Ms Dittrich said.

    "Ms Dittrich.  We agreed that he is sixteen years old, and 
therefore he, like me, is capable of making his own decisions."

    Nickolai's mother smiled an embarrassed smile.  "Perhaps it is 
sometimes difficult to accept that he is not my little boy, 
anymore."

    Nickolai's face flushed with embarrassment as he stared at his 
mother.  He almost failed to notice Furry coming in from the side; 
he turned just in time for her lips to meet his.  There was a 
sudden burst of applause, at first from two pairs of hands, then 
three.  Furry backed away from him, her nose as dark as his face.  
They both fell back onto the hospital bed, giggling.

    "You know," Shardik said, "I think they're gonna be okay."

    "Come," Nickolai heard his mother say.  "Let us leave them 
alone."

    "When you two are ready, we'll be back at Shardik Castle."

    "What was that line, Ken?  The one from Uncle Robert?" N'Nance 
asked.

    "What?  'Never crowd a child about his privacy?  Sure, they'll 
make mistakes, but so did you' ?"

    "Yeah."

    "But is it not the role of a parent to teach his child what 
decisions he should make in private?" his mother asked.

    "Well, yes," Shardik replied.  "But after a while we as parents 
have to realize-" the door shut, and he missed the rest of the 
conversation.

    Furry burst out giggling.  "I don't believe him!"

    "What?" Nickolai asked.

    "Ken!  He's just so... so... convincing!  He had your mother 
hanging on his every word in less than half an hour."

    "Must be a talent.  Tell me, Furry, what's going to happen to 
Matseh?"

    "At the moment, he's being held in anticipation of the next 
cruiser back to Terra.  His parents are going haywire- they're 
insisting he could never do any such thing.  According to Ken, they 
were shown vid of him bragging, and they insisted it was a 
forgery."

    "I thought... when things like this happened..."

    "People just disappeared?"

    "Something like that."

    "Not really.  It's more like... People who are dangerous, who 
can't control themselves, are dangerous in general, and the general 
public is within it right to remove that threat.  We're removing 
that threat.  Imagine being under a life sentence to never have 
dealing with Pendor again.  To never ride in a Pendorian starship.  
In fact, to have trouble  from Terran starships with Pendorian AI's 
installed.  To never be in a business where Pendor is a major trade 
partner.  Life sucks for Matseh right now."

    "Oh."  Nickolai was quiet with his own thoughts for a long 
time.  "Furry... could that happen to me?"

    Jofuran didn't answer the question.  Instead she replied 
"You're scared of me again."  Nickolai could hear tears in her 
voice.

    He nodded.

    She turned, kneeling before him, straddling his body.  
"Nickolai, unless underneath it all you're a crazy maniac waiting 
to kill me, nothing is going to happen to you that you don't want 
to happen to you."

    "I didn't want to fall in love with you."

    Furry's eyes widened.  "What do you mean by that?"

    "I mean... I mean when I first met you, I just wanted to get to 
know you.  And then... that kiss in the game room.

    "Furry," he said, continuing, "You, yourself... you're so fast, 
so strong, so powerful.  And then you've got all this," he gestured 
widely, "behind you.  Two days ago, I felt like I couldn't say 'I 
love you' because that didn't say enough, you know what I mean?  
And now... Now I don't know what to feel.  I want you, I want you 
so much.  But I can't make that click with the thought that the.. 
the 'you' I want is a meter- and-a-half-tall Pendorian mouse."

    "Markal."

    "You look like a mouse, sweetheart."

    "You called me sweetheart again," she said, teasingly, even 
through the sadness and pain in her voice.

    "Yeah, I guess I did," he said, pulling her down gently and 
hugging her close.  "Are you upset by what I just said?"

    Furry was silent for almost a minute.  "A little," she finally 
answered.  "But not really.  I'd like to think I understand how 
hard it is for you to understand.  But when I'm with you, I never 
feel in doubt. 
 I just know that I want you, and I love you.  Remember when I said 
'let's just be friends'?"  He nodded again.  "The worst four words 
in the vocabulary of relationships," she chuckled, "and I said 
them.  But I 
meant it.  When we talked in the pool, I knew I needed you, just as 
a friend, and you would just be my friend, I would be happy.  For 
as long as I knew you, however long that was."

    He felt his chest tighten again, and hugged her closer.  
"Furry?"

    "No, Nickolai," she replied, "let me say it."  She rose back up 
onto her knees and stared him in the eyes.  "I love you."

    "I love you too, Jofuran," he whispered back.  She fell on him, 
her muzzle open, her tongue in his.  She kissed his cheeks, his 
eyes, his forehead.  He laughed in response, feeling the pressure 
of yesterday lift from him.  With a lunge, he grabbed her by the 
waist and rolled her 
down onto the bed, descending on her with equal enthusiasm, nipping 
and biting her neck before trailing down her left side, eliciting 
delightful 
squeals and screams as she protested his tickling her.

    "Kolya!" she begged, "please!"

    "What's wrong?" he asked, smiling.  "Can't take a little 
friendly tickling, sweetheart?"

    "Oh, you're so silly!" she shouted, grabbing him and holding 
him close. He wrapped his arms around her in response and held her 
tightly.

    They were quiet for awhile before Jofuran said, "You owe me 
something."

    "What?" Nickolai asked, confused.

    "We didn't get to make love last night."  She smiled 
suggestively.

    "According to Nance, I was busy almost dying last night."

    "Yeah," she said soberly.  "You did.  You know you pulled the 
knife out, making the wound worse."

    "I did?  I remember reaching for it, but I don't recall pulling 
it out."

    "Trust me, you did.  Ugly thing, too... serrated edge and 
wooden handle."

    "Yech."  Nickolai again had trouble believing he'd been as 
badly wounded as everyone was saying.  It hadn't really hurt that 
much, and he  didn't feel poorly now.  In fact, he felt pretty 
good.

    "Now then," she said, the smile returning to her face, "about 
that little debt."

    "You want to make love right here?"

    Her hands reached into his hospital gown and told him his 
answer as  she found his cock and began stroking it gently.  "Right 
here," she said, "Right now."

    "Furry..."

    "Jean, lock the door," Furry asked aloud.  There was an audible 
>click<.  "Ever read 'Stardiver Accidents'?"

    "Yeah," Nickolai admitted, smiling.  His cock had surged to its 
full length under her fingers.  "Untie this damned thing."

    She reached behind his back and pulled on the clasps holding it 
in place, tossing it aside once it was free.  "Much better," she 
sighed.  "Fa, but you look good.  Don't bother with the skirt... 
just push it up and get inside me, Kolya, please."

    He smiled, complying with her instructions eagerly, descending 
between her spread thighs and sliding his full length into her cunt 
easily.  She cooed in pleasure.  "Kolya," she sighed.

    "I love you."

    "I love you, too," she replied, smiling through nearly-closed 
eyelids.

    He stopped supporting himself, laying his full weight on top of 
her and driving into her with his hips.  She scratched at his back 
gently as they made love, his cock sliding in and out easily.  He 
was surprised at how wet she seemed to be.  He never sped up, and 
he knew he didn't need to.  His pleasure, his climax was rushing 
forward even without his help; just being with her, inside her, 
excited him.  Furry..."

    "I'm close, Kolya, oh yes-"

    "I love you."

    "I love you... oh!" she closed her eyes and hugged him close; 
he could feel her body tremble underneath him.  He began loving her 
faster, harder, and his climax was almost instantaneous thereafter.

    He took three deep breaths and pushed himself up onto his arms.  
"There," he asked, "feel better?"

    "Oh, Kolya," she sighed.  "I feel much better!"  She wrapped 
her arms around him and pulled him down.  He landed with an "oof!  
Careful, you don't want me to crush you."

    "So I die in the arms of love," she said, laughing.  "You won't 
crush me, Kolya.  Trust me."

    He laughed gently and said, "I trust you.  Come on.  They're 
probably waiting for us outside."

    "Probably," she said. 

    After making love as quickly as they had, Nickolai had to admit 
(to himself, at any rate) that he really didn't feel all that 
wonderful.  "Furry, is it all right if we just take today easy?"

    "Like, sit in at Shardik Castle and not do anything?"

    "Yeah."

    "Fine with me," she said.  "You okay?"

    "I just realized I'm not in as great a shape as I thought."

    "Come on."  She found the clothes that had been set aside for 
him.  "Oh, Kolya, they ruined your jacket."

    "What?"

    "He stabbed you through the jacket.  There was a big hole, so 
Ken promised he'd get it fixed before he gave it back to you.  I 
hope you don't mind."

    He shook his head.  "It's okay... just so long as I don't need 
it anytime soon."

              -               -              -

    "I liked the smell of it."

    "We'll get it back," he said, hugging her shoulders.  They 
walked out of the bedroom together, following the blue line on the 
floor to the SDisk, and back to Shardik Castle.

    "Nickolai," Shardik announced loudly as they walked together 
into his domicile.  "Good to see you on your feet."

    "Thank you," Nickolai replied abashedly.  "It's good to be 
walking again."

    "How are you feeling?" P'nyssa asked gently.

    "A little queasy, but I'm okay, I think," he admitted.

    "That's the result of the scavengers we used to clean out your 
GI tract," she said.  "Perotinitis was one of your major problems.  
I recommend you eat... David, order me a GI special, would you?"

    "Of course, Nyss," the AI replied gracefully.  P'nyssa began 
digging around in the kitchen.  "Just a minute, and I'll have lunch 
ready.  I hope everybody's up for salads."

    Shardik shrugged.  "It'll do.  Come in, don't stand in the 
doorway and keep it open.  You'll let bugs into the rest of the 
house."

    "Where's Molly?" Furry asked Shardik.

    "Molly?  Dave?"

    "Molly is in High Pressure Test Facility seven, in orbit around 
Saturn, Sol, Province of Terra."

    "Oh well.  I was hoping to have another game with her."

    "Well," Shardik said, "You can always play me.  If you can beat 
her, you can certainly defeat me... I'm no expert.  But I like 
playing."

    "May I?"

    "I don't see why not.  No time limit on moves.  And I can 
consult."

    "With who?"

    "P'nyssa," Shardik said, turning towards the Tindal in the 
kitchen, "Remind me not to take this young lady to Rhysh.  She 
catches on far far too quickly.  I think even Borodir would be 
impressed with her negotiating."  He turned back to Furry.  "With 
Nickolai, P'nyssa, and Aaden if he returns."

    "Deal," Furry said.  "Where's your set?"

    "In the next room," Shardik said.  "I'll get it."

    "Lunch is ready," P'nyssa announced.  "Here," she said, handing 
Furry a large wooden bowl.  "One for each of you.  You," she said, 
pointing a mitten at Nickolai, "Make sure you eat it all."

    "What is it?"

    "Mostly spinach, with a yogurt, blue cheese and onion dressing.  
You need the fiber, and the active cultures, to get your system 
back in action again.  Otherwise you'll be spending the rest of 
your vacation in the bathroom."

    Nickolai regarded that as more than adequate reason to eat.  
Despite his slight nausea, he found himself hungry.  "Don't eat so 
fast," P'nyssa said.  "I said you had to eat it all, I didn't say 
in a minute flat."

    "I'm back," Shardik announced as he walked back.  "With the old 
set."  He placed the chessboard down on the table carefully and 
pulled the dark-blue cloth off the top.

    Furry whistled gently.  "That's an Ebby, isn't it?"

    "On the money, Jofuran.  How can you tell?"

    "Ebberd Winslow is the only person on Pendor who does 
watercarvings like that with crystal glass.  And those Centaurs are 
definitely watercarvings."

    "I'm impressed.  For someone who hasn't lived on Pendor for ten 
years, you've got a lot of background."

    "Thank you."

    The door to the home opened and Aaden stepped through, his eyes 
twinkling and his face smiling.  "I did it!" he announced.  "You 
don't want to know what I did to the soil on the western face of 
the bowl, but I did it!"

    "Did what?"

    "Taste," he said, holding out a blue slab of cut fruit to 
Shardik.  Shardik looked at it dubiously, then took a bite, chewing 
carefully.

    "Not bad.  What is it?"

    "Emani, from the planet Rohetori."  He put the bowl he was 
carrying down and rubbed his hands together.  "And Myk said it 
couldn't be done.  'Not in our atmosphere.'  This'll show him."  He 
leaned over and kissed Shardik on the cheek.  "How you doing?"

    "Fine, fine."

    "Hello, again, Nickolai, Jofuran.  I see you're doing much 
better, Nickolai.  I'm sorry; that should never have happened."

    "There's no reason for you to apologize, Aaden," Nickolai said.

    "I think there is.  I suggested the trip."

    "You couldn't know that he had enemies, even apparently 
insignificant ones, in that particular tour," Shardik replied 
quietly.

    "I guess not.  Still, I'm happy to see you up and moving 
again."

    "Thank you."

    "Want a bite?" he asked, holding out the fruit to Nickolai, who 
looked at it, then shook his head.  "I don't think it's a good 
idea."

    "Furry?"

    "Sure," she replied, taking the morsel from Aaden's paw and 
popping it into her own mouth.  After a few seconds she said, 
"It's... interesting.  Not really very sweet, is it?"

    "I was kind of surprised about that myself.  It has an almost 
herb-like flavor to it, for such a large, flowering fruit.  It'll 
probably end up in Ken's chili."

    "That's it!  Thank you, sweetheart, for that wonderful 
suggestion."  Shardik jumped up and ran into the kitchen.  
"Jofuran," he said over his shoulder, "could you finish setting up 
the chessboard?"

    "No problem."

    "Aaden, hon, how much of that fruit do you have left?"

    "I've got a total of four full-grown fruits.  Why?"

    "How big are they?"  Aaden held his hands about twenty 
centimeters apart.  "Spherical?"  The Mephit nodded.  "I'll need 
just one.  Uh... waitasecond.  How much is seed, and how much is 
body?"

    "No distinction."

    "Really?"

    "Just rind and fruit.  The rind's about a half-centimeter."

    "One will do.  I'll cook them for tomorrow."

    "Why tomorrow?" P'nyssa asked.

    "Because tonight, sweetheart, I'm going to cook the prosciutto 
before it goes bad.  And if I cook chili tomorrow, I can get rid of 
it at the family dinner the day after that."

    P'nyssa shrugged.

    Nickolai found himself easily distracted by the view out on the 
porch.  Chess, he realized, was not a spectator sport, especially 
not the way it was being played.  He knew the rules of chess, but 
except for   an occasional battle with a computer opponent to while 
away the time, he had never played much.  Instead, the view of the 
ring rising up attracted his eyes.

    "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Aaden said, startling him slightly.

    "It is," Nickolai agreed.  "Maybe you can answer this question.  
Why?"

    "Why the Ring?" Aaden asked.  Nickolai nodded.  "Does there 
need to be a reason?"

    "Well, he built it- doesn't he have a reason?" Nickolai asked, 
pointing in through the glass to where Shardik and Furry sat, 
staring over the chessboard.

    "Do you know the hows, first, Nickolai.  That's the important 
question."

    "They say that Shardik used to be able to travel in time."

    "That's almost true.  No, what happened is that he had a 
companion, and AI named Fawn, and she could travel in time.  Not 
only that, but she knew how to build ringworlds and genetically 
engineer sentient lifeforms.  Actually, she knew much more than 
that, as you can see.  We sprang up from virtually nothing because 
of Fawn."

    "What happened to her?"

    "You see, that's the important question.  Fawn _knew_ 
everything, but she lacked something important.  Will.  Ken was her 
will.  He took a look at what she could do, and decided that he 
wanted to do _this_.  He could have taken over the Earth, I 
suppose, or any other of a dozen things, but he chose _this_ path.  
Ken has often mentioned that 'raising children is the grandest form 
of adventure.'  That's why he does it, and that's why he never gets 
tired of being what he is.  There's too much to feel attached to.

    "Once Pendor was built and all, Fawn and Ken built Halloran 
Eldar and The Library.  There were eight duplicates of the library 
built back before Paul was born.  There are ten now.  One resides 
with Halloran, six are scattered about the Ring.  The others are in 
safe places.  They're mostly duplicates of Fawn's knowledge base, 
her expert system.  And then Ken did something very important.

    "He returned Fawn to himself.  Fawn could time travel, and he 
went back and handed Fawn to himself.  That's how he got Fawn in 
the first place, by a visit from Ken Shardik.  He closed the loop, 
or spiral, or whatever."

    "Aaden," Nickolai asked, "Why are you telling me this?"

    "Because it's not supposed to be a secret.  It's not a big deal 
anymore.  Ken doesn't know how to time travel anymore, and he's 
personally not interested in learning how.  Neither am I.  Time 
moves the way it's supposed to, as far as I'm concerned."

    "Why a ringworld?  Why not a Dyson sphere?"

    "I'll let you in on a secret.  Ken Shardik hates Dyson spheres.  
Actually, it's a phobia of sorts.  Ringworlds are monstrously 
complicated devices, but they can easily be made redundant.  I 
think the  redundancy on the primary orbital maintenance is 
something like nine thousand percent, and the secondary is twelve 
thousand.  The same is true of everything else.  The shadowring is 
a solid band of alternating transparent and opaque materials, 
because ringworlds have no naturally occurring ozone, so the 
transparent stuff is actually somewhat absorbative.

    "Dyson spheres need technology to keep your feet on the ground.  
Ken doesn't trust gravitics- it's a delicate technology that has 
the potential to break down far too easily.  One breakdown on a 
Dyson sphere and woosh! You're flown out into space.  Spinning 
accomplishes the same effect without technology.  So Ken uses it 
instead."

    "This is going to sound dumb," Nickolai said, "but-"

    "But isn't Shardik Castle held up by gravitics?"  Nickolai 
nodded, and Aaden smiled in response.  "I'll tell you another 
secret- everything I've told you is pretty much a prepared speech.  
One of the things I didn't expect when I signed on with this crew 
was to become a spokesMephit for Ken or Alpha, but I did.  People 
live in Shardik Castle  of their own free will.  Ken included.  He 
didn't want to bring people into a world that was as unsafe as he 
makes Dyson spheres sound.  But he's perfectly willing to let those 
people choose for themselves how they want to live."

    Nickolai stared along the ocean again.  "It still doesn't 
explain why.  Why this?  Why didn't he decide to take over Earth?"

    "Do you want the speech, or my personal version?" Aaden asked, 
pulling up a wicker chair to sit in.

    Nickolai took the cue and pulled up his own chair.  "What's 
your version?"

    "My version is 'I don't know anymore.'  Honestly.  I used to 
think it was because he's such a sensualist, but that didn't equate 
with M'Ress's telling me that he never went beyond hugs with any of 
his kids for a whole decade after the decanting of the Centaurs.  
For a while, I thought it was because he had Eros, the desire to 
create.  That doesn't explain him _now_.  If it was ego, why is he 
so... well... normal?  Every time I think I come up with a good 
reason for Why Ken Built Pendor, it goes away with a reasoned 
argument."

    Aaden turned his head to peer in through the glass.  "I mean, 
look at him.  Silly, intelligent, directed, absent-minded, 
arrogant, unassuming, loud, silent, loveable, unliveable, you can 
attach _any_ adjective you want to him, and you can find a 
situation where it fits him.  All I know is that I love him, and 
apparently in a way that nobody else can, and he fills something in 
me that nobody else does either, and it has nothing at all to do 
with his being Vatare'.

    "Nickolai, can I ask you a question?"

              -               -              -

    Nickolai looked up for a second, coming back from his thoughts 
after listening to Aaden.  "What?"

    "You have... what, four years of schooling left, as I 
understand it?"

    "Yeah," Nickolai admitted.  "I can terminate at two if I want, 
but four is the standard.  How did you know that?"

    "I asked Dave last night."

    "Oh."

    "What I wanted to ask you was, what are you going to tell your 
friends when you get home?"

    "I don't know.  I mean, I am going home, there's no question of 
that.  And I'm going back to school with my roommate Michael."

    "'But, what did you while you were there?'" Aaden said in a 
mock, Anglic accent.

    "Yeah," Nickolai smiled.  "What am I going to tell him?"

    "Tell him the truth."

    "I got stabbed by another Terran.  I fell in love with a Markal 
named Jofuran.  I was the first Terran to visit Shardik Castle in a 
century, and I spent my vacation there.  I spent a night in 
Rocchodain, and I got to visit The Rowan."

    "And you've got three nights left to go."

    "Yeah."

    They were interrupted by a voice from inside.  "Checkmate!" 
Furry shouted.  "Gotcha."

    Shardik rose and disappeared into the kitchen.  "I'll have 
dinner on the table at 1 lome', guys.  Don't be late."

    "Hi," Furry said, sticking her head out the sliding glass door.  
"What's going out here?"

    "Guy talk," Aaden said.

    "Oh.  You two want some privacy?"

    "No, no, come on out.  We were just figuring out what we were 
going to be doing with the rest of our day."

    "Actually, there is something I wanted to ask you," Nickolai 
said, turning to Furry.  "Could you show me how to shoot?"

    "I thought... I thought you didn't like guns."

    Shardik seemed to blink in behind Furry.  "Guns?  Did I hear 
someone mention guns?"

    "Uhm, Nickolai just asked me to show him how to shoot.  Is 
there a place where I could do that?"

    "There's the gallery downstairs, or you could use the floating 
target set out by the beach.  Aaden, would you show them where it 
is?"

    "Sure.  C'mon."  He leapt over the railing of the porch and 
fell the apparent twenty meters or so to the ground.  Nickolai 
looked at Furry, who shrugged, and followed him.  When they reached 
the ground, Aaden looked up and said, "I thought your ladyfriend 
was coming with us."

    "I think she went to get her gun."

    "You mean she wasn't carrying it with her?" Aaden asked, 
seemingly surprised.

    "I asked her not to."

    "Is that because you don't trust her, or because you're a 
Terran and don't like guns?"

    "I don't like guns."

    "Then why...?"

    "Getting stabbed changes one's outlook pretty fast."

    "It was a pretty cowardly sneak attack," Aaden said.  "Knowing 
how to shoot wouldn't have helped you there."

    "It's also the Pendorian thing to do," Nickolai said.  "If I'm 
going to... love... Furry the way I want to, I should at least know 
how to handle her gun."

    "Good attitude," Aaden said.  "And here she comes."

    "Had to get my pistol," Furry said.

    "We figured."  Aaden led them down towards the beach, stopping 
by a small wooden shack to recover some hardware.  "Okay, may I see 
what it is you're carrying?" he asked Jofuran.  She pulled her 
small pistol out of it's case and handed it to the much taller 
Mephit, who looked it over carefully.  "Nine?" he asked her.  She 
nodded.  "I like a ten myself," the Mephit said.

    "If I could shoot a ten, I would.  But practice leaves my hands 
bruised."  Aaden nodded and handed his gun to Jofuran, who looked 
it over with equal care.  "Very nice."

    "Yeah," Aaden smiled.  "Okay, the first targets are at fifteen 
meters, then forty.  You can see them right there-" he pointed out 
over the ocean.  There were paper targets hanging visibly in the 
air.  "You'll have to deal with windspeed on your own.  Stand to my 
right," he said.  "I'll take that one there at forty."  There was a 
pause.  "Call go."

    Furry paused for a second, then said "Go!"  Aaden's hand was a 
blur as it disappeared into his vest, reappeared, and he shot off 
seven rounds in quick succession.

    "Half a magazine."

    "What was the score?" Aaden asked.

    Dave's voice, from quite literally out of nowhere, replied, "Of 
seven, three 'T' shots, head target, three 'T' shots, torso, one 
'P' shot, torso."

    "Now you, Nickolai.  With hers."

    "I... uh..."

    "First rule.  Never point it at anyone unless you plan on 
shooting them, and that includes yourself."  Furry handed him her 
pistol, with the muzzle pointing out over the ocean.  "The second 
rule is never put your finger inside the trigger guard unless 
you're actually going to fire the weapon.  So hold your finger like 
this," Aaden indicated, placing his trigger finger along the line 
of the barrel.  "Third rule, the gun is always loaded.  That means 
that no matter what, unless that gun is completely disassembled and 
you can see every working part that might come in contact with a 
bullet and you don't see one, then that gun is to be treated as if 
it were loaded.  Got it?"

    Nickolai gulped and nodded.  He was still absorbing the 
knowledge that he had a gun (a gun!) in his hand.  "Good.  We'll 
take a target at fifteen.  That one.  See it?"  Nickolai nodded, 
discomfited by the fact that the target was a humanoid silhouette.  
"Okay.  Take the hand you're going to shoot with and hold the 
pistol at arm's length.  Now, back it off a little and put the 
other hand over it.  Right.  Now push out with your right hand and 
pull in with the left.  The tension should help you steady it."  
Aaden turned to Furry and said "Nine light caseless, right?"

    "Uh-huh," Furry replied.

    "Okay, now I want you to sight along the barrel.  You can see a 
little yellow spot at the end there... you want to put that between 
the two orange sights here, and over your target, in this case the 
chest of the person in that silhouette.  Got it?"

    "Yeah."  Nickolai gulped.

    "Okay... where's the safety on this thing?"

    "Sig design," Furry replied.  "Pistolgrip safety only."

    "You mean it's always charged?"

    "Uh-huh."

    "Ick.  Okay, you'll have to learn about safeties later.  With 
your left hand, reach up and pull that top part, the slide, all the 
way back, 
and let go."  Nickolai pulled as instructed, surprised by how much 
strength he had to put into it.  "Good," Aaden said.  "Hand back, 
and tension on.  Now then, put your finger in the guard, aim, and 
squeeze in a steady pull."  Nickolai pulled, waiting for the 
moment, and then suddenly the gun kicked in his hand, a loud 
->pop<- resounding in his ears.

    "Not bad," Aaden said.  "P-zone.  Okay, try it again.  You've 
already charged the weapon, so just aim and pull."

    After a while, his shots were getting worse and worse.  "There 
are two things happening there," Aaden said.  "One is that you're 
learning to anticipate the recoil, which is bad.  You have to work 
through the recoil, let it happen, and bring the gun back to bear 
afterwards.  The other is that your arm is getting tired, which 
happens during practice.  Here, try mine."  Aaden handed him his 
much larger pistol.  "Okay, this is a ten millimeter magnum 
caseless.  The loads are Ken's own.  They're pretty powerful.  I 
want to watch you fire the magazine empty.  There are fourteen 
rounds."

    Nickolai stood in the position Aaden had shown him, charged the 
weapon, and pulled the trigger.  Nothing happened.  "Safety's on," 
Aaden said.  "That lever there, towards the top.  Push it down, 
with one thumb if you can."

    Nickolai found it and managed.  "Okay, now try it."

    Nickolai fired one round, and was stunned by just how powerful 
the pistol was.  "Ouch!"

    "See?  A lot stronger than the nines.  Keep going."

    Nickolai re-aimed and fired, putting nine more rounds downrange 
before the gun went >click< and nothing happened.  "You know what 
that was?"

    "What?"

    "Dud round.  I put it in there deliberately.   Notice that the 
gun jerked around anyway?  That's because you're learning to feel 
the recoil.  Now that you know it's there, you have to unlearn it 
again."

    Nickolai smiled, chagrined.  "Okay, now pull back on the slide 
to eject the dud round and fire off the last three."  Nickolai 
complied until the slide locked back, the chamber smoking.  Aaden 
took the pistol  from his hand and said, "Not bad, not bad at all.  
You're pretty much a natural at this."

    "It's pretty scary."

    "On Terra, the gun's a sort of totem, a symbol.  Having one 
almost implies that you _have_ to use it, which is just plain dumb.  
Imagine what  would have happened to Terra if people had felt the 
same way about nuclear weapons."

    "Some people did feel that way about nuclear weapons," Nickolai 
pointed out.

    "Then you should be grateful that those people were the 
minority," Aaden said thoughtfully.  "Come on, it's almost 
nightfall, and Ken promised to have dinner ready."

              -               -              -

    "Welcome back," Shardik said as they walked in.  "How did it 
go?"

    "He's almost as good as you are."

    "Really?" Shardik said, smiling.  "A natural?"

    "He was pretty impressive.  He's got recoil reflex, but that's 
pretty common in beginners."

    "Yeah.  So, what do you two have planned for tonight?"

    "Nothing," Furry replied, scratching herself behind one ear.  
Nickolai took over for her, and she closed her eyes and sighed as 
he did so.

    "Well, in that case, you're hired."

    "Hired?"

    "Yeah.  We need baby-sitters tonight."

    "Tonight?"

    "You did say you were willing to do a stint.  It's only between 
three and seven; Oedipus at Polonus is being done tonight in the 
Farside theatre, and a lot of the household is going.  There are 
only five kids right now, the youngest is two, the eldest is... 
seven, I think.  It's not a big deal."

    "We did say we could," Furry said to Nickolai in a voice that 
indicated she was not at all thrilled with the idea.

    "Yeah, we did," he replied, smiling.  "C'mon, it'll be fun."

    "I suppose.  So, what do we do?"

    "Well, since they're going to be here, alone, with SDisk 
lockout on all of them, your job is to see to it that they all fall 
asleep in the right beds, and that they don't kill themselves or 
each other before bedtime.  Like I said, it's not a difficult task.  
Kids can usually find ways of entertaining themselves."

    "Sounds easy enough," Nickolai said.

    "Good!  Come, eat," he said.  "You'll have to come up here to 
get your plates.  Dave, tell P'nyssa we're ready for dinner."

    "She's already on her way," Dave replied.  As if on cue, 
P'nyssa walked through the side door to the rest of the domicile 
and into the kitchen.  She was immediately swept up by Shardik, who 
nuzzled her close and scratched her back in a way that Nickolai 
immediately labled as 'lascivious.'  The thought made him smile.  
"How ya doin', lover?" Shardik asked her quietly.

    "Pretty good.  Are you really taking me out tonight?"

    "It's a deal.  Aaden's taking Sufi, right, Aaden?"

    "As far as I know.  He hasn't called me yet.  I can't believe 
he accepted... he's more of a stay-at-home than you are."

    "Well, we'll see," Shardik said, smiling and handing plates 
onto the counter.  "Eat, eat, it's good for you."

    "Uh, Ken," Nickolai asked, "What do we eat this with?"

    "You've got two choices," Shardik replied.  "Forks, or 
chopsticks.  I prefer chopsticks, but that's just me.  Remember 
that history shows that the Italians got quite a number of their 
cooking ideas from the Chinese, so it's no surprise that a lot of 
Italian food is accessible with chopsticks.  Tortellini is just one 
of those many things."  He smiled wide and handed out a pair of 
sticks to Nickolai, and another to Furry.  "I know, I know, you'll 
use a fork," he said, handing one to P'nyssa.  "Aaden?"

    "I'll try the chopsticks... again."  Aaden smiled an 
exasperated smile.

    Shardik tossed him a pair.  "You'll get it this time."

    "It's not that I can't get it.  It's just that every time I try 
and eat those things with these things, I get sauce all in my fur."

    "I'll lick it off."

    "And if I have to feed you petroleum jelly so you can cough up 
a furball of my fur, forget it."

    Shardik laughed gently.  "What are friends for?"  He joined 
them out in the living room, sitting casually on the floor in front 
of Aaden's chair.  "Like this, Nickolai," he said, demonstrating 
the sticks and how they worked.  Nickolai was gratified to find 
Furry having just as much trouble as he was with the seemingly 
simple implements.

    Nickolai was also intrigued to notice the common gesture of 
Shardik and Aaden's symbolic relationship... the fact that one of 
them sometimes sat above the other.  He wondered if it would have 
been less disturbing if Aaden had been the one sitting on the 
floor, or would it have made any difference?

    He looked up and noticed P'nyssa staring at Aaden, who then 
looked at the ceiling.  Shardik turned to look at Aaden.  Aaden 
then spoke, to Nickolai- "What do you think?"

    "What do I think about what?" Nickolai asked.

    P'nyssa replied.  "I'm sorry if you feel I invaded your 
privacy, but that much curiosity is hard not to notice.  Do you 
think it would make a difference if it were Ken sitting in the 
chair, and Aaden on the floor?"

    Nickolai gulped, considered his answer, and said, "I don't 
know.  I  mean, I would like to say 'Yes,' but that's only because 
Ken is supposed to be the..."

    "The word is 'Vatare','" Shardik offered.  "What works about my 
relationship with Aaden is that neither one of us has any pretense 
about who I am or who he is.  He isn't interested in me because I'm 
Vatare', any more than I'm interested in him for whatever reason 
that might be."

    "I thought it was because I was the gardener," Aaden said, 
suppressing a laugh.  "Isn't that what you said?  How 
Chatterlyish?"  Aaden leaned over and kissed Shardik, who returned 
the kiss with a passion that made Nickolai feel hot with 
discomfort.  A feeling which grew when Aaden reached down into 
Shardik's shirt and did something that made Shardik squeal into the 
kiss with pain.

    "I hate when you embarrass me like that!" Shardik said, 
blushing.

    "You do it to me all the time," Aaden replied.  "Eat your 
dinner."

    Shardik shrugged and returned to fumbling with his chopsticks.

    After dinner, all three of their hosts disappeared into the 
bedroom to get dressed, leaving Nickolai and Furry alone in the 
main room.  "Are you ready for this?"

    "I don't know," Furry replied, smiling.  "If they're good 
children, we'll probably end up spending the entire night playing 
computer games or something.  If they're not, we could end up 
needing to wash the food and dirt off of us later."

    "Well, guys, whaddya think?" Shardik said, rising out of the 
bedroom gravwell.  Dressed entirely in white with a green trim, 
Nickolai recognized it as the dress uniform of the Pendor Fleet.  
The only slight change in it from what Nickolai remembered as the 
standard was the white two-centimeter-wide choker he wore around 
his throat.  Aaden followed in a suit of the same cut, only cast 
entirely in black leather.  P'nyssa's outfit was equally 
outrageous, a slinky, golden, floor-length dress that barely 
reached up to cover her breasts and apparently stayed up by 
capricious whim.  Along with the dress, her hair had been 
straightened out into a cascading cut with bangs, and accompanied 
by a golden tiara made of two twisted braids and a black cloth that 
descended from it, starched and folded as if to resemble a pair of 
wings.

    "I think we've stunned them with out decadence," Aaden said.  
"You two go on.  I'll introduce them to the children.  Kolya, 
Furry, ready?"

    "As I'll ever be," Furry replied dryly.

    "Come on, it's not that bad.  I do this all the time.  I'm 
still alive."  He led them into the central meeting chamber, where 
they had originally met Shardik and such, and said, "Well, here 
they are.  This is N'Fort, Melanie, Tria, Logan, Calli, Traf, 
and... Traf, where's Calffn?"

    Traf, a male Centaur, said "I da know.  She was with Mom."

    "You'll have to watch Calffn," Aaden said, smiling.  "She's the 
oldest, and a bit of a ringleader.  If you're going to have 
trouble, it'll come from her."

    "Wonderful," Furry said.  "I wonder if I can find a way to keep 
her occupied."

    "You can," Aaden said.  "The one thing she absolutely wants to 
learn about is Earth.  Just sit her down with Nickolai.  Of 
course," Aaden smiled, "that means that you can't have him until we 
get back, because he'll have the attentions of another woman."

    Nickolai thought the look on Furry's face was so exaggeratedly 
serious that he broke out laughing.  "What's so funny?" she 
demanded.

    "I'm sorry, Furry, but you look so... so... serious!  Really, 
I'm sorry.  Look, we did promise them."

    "I know," she sighed.  "Okay.  Where is this kid?"

    "Aaden?" a new voice broke in through the noise.

    "Michelle!  Where's Calffn?"

    "I'm right here," said a new voice rising from the Castle's 
grav tube.  "What do you need?"

    "These are your sitters for the night," Aaden said.  "Nickolai, 
and Jofuran."

    "Which is which?" said the Uncia stepping out of the tube.  
Nickolai started at her, wondering.  She was nearly as tall as 
Furry!

    "The boy is Nickolai," Aaden said.  "Easy enough?"

    "Got it," Calffn replied. 

    "Ready to go?"  Michelle asked Aaden.

    "Ready as I'll ever be," Aaden replied.  "Say, where's your 
date?"

    "Don't know," the Centaur said.  Nickolai thought she looked 
beautiful.  "And where's yours?"  They began walking out the door.

    "Good question," Aaden admitted.  "I guess you'll have to be my 
date, and hope they show up at the play."

    "Sounds like a good idea," Michelle admitted.  She looped an 
arm through his and their voices faded, finally disappearing, 
Nickolai guessed, when they used the SDisk.

    "So," Calffn said, "Whaddya wanna do?"

    "I dunno," Furry said, "Whadda you wanna do?"  Nickolai was 
impressed by how quickly and easily Furry seemed to slide into the 
slang Calffn was using.

    "I dunno," Calffn replied.  "Hey, you're new here, aren'cha?  
Where'd Ken pick you guys up?"

    "I'm from Israel," Furry said, trying to latch onto Aaden's 
suggested subject material.

    "Never heard of it," Calffn replied.

    "It's a country on Earth."

    "Really?"  Calffn seemed to light up.  "Hey, but you're a 
Markal."

    "Yeah, so?  I lived there with my folks for the past ten 
years."

    "Really?  What about your boyfriend?"

    "I never did nail that down.  Where do you live, exactly?"

    "Huh?" Nickolai asked, caught unawares.  "Well, half the year I 
lived near London, the other half I lived in New York."

    "I know where those are," Calffn said.  "You really lived 
there?"

    "I really did."

    Once he had her attention, Nickolai realized that dealing with 
Calffn would be no trouble.  And without their nominal 
"ringleader," the rest of the children were exceedingly well 
behaved.  And the rapt attention that Calffn and Logan, a male 
Tindal about a year younger than 
the Uncia, gave him was so endearing that he was actually 
disappointed when Aaden and another male Uncia he hadn't met before 
came walking into the center room.  "Evening," Aaden said.  "I see 
you had no trouble."

    "None at all," Nickolai admitted.

    "Where's Furry?" Aaden asked.

    "She's putting Tria to bed."

    "This, by the way, is Sufi.  Sufi, meet Nickolai Dittrich."

    "The young Terran who was stabbed yesterday?" he asked, 
genuinely curious.  "Glad to meet you."

    "Good to meet you, too."  Furry came around a corner, and after 
herding the last two children off to bed, Aaden and Sufi said their 
goodnights and headed off into their home, leaving Nickolai and 
Furry to do the same.

    After the door closed behind them, Furry said "You did that 
pretty well."

    "It was easy," Nickolai replied, jumping into the gravwell and 
descending into the bedroom, Furry right behind him.

    "Still," she admitted.  "Can I ask you something?"

    "You can ask me anything," Nickolai replied, suddenly realizing 
what it might be that she would ask him and feeling his anxiety 
increase 
slightly.

    "It's not something you Terrans think about anymore, but would 
you like to have children of your own?"

    "I was afraid you were going to ask something like that," he 
replied smiling.  She took off the skirt and blouse she had been 
wearing for most of the day and sat down on the bed, leaning up 
against a pile of pillows, her tail draped across and down her 
thighs.  Although Nickolai didn't think she'd meant to, the sight 
of her naked like that made his mouth go dry; he debated taking off 
his pants with his hardening erection.

    "But have you?" she asked.

    He turned his back and stripped off his pants, throwing them 
aside and sliding under the covers before turning to face her 
again.  "Not really," he said.  "Like you said, it's not something 
I've been trained to think about."

    "But, I mean, if... if we were still together, you know, in a 
few years... would you want to?"

    His anxiety level rose a little more, and he squirmed 
uncomfortably.  He didn't like where this conversation was leading.  
"Furry, we can't have children.  We're not the same species, and 
I'm sterile anyway."

    "That's not an issue on Pendor, and you know it."

    "Also, Terrans aren't allowed to stay on Pendor for more than 
thirty days without diplomatic passes anyway."

    "We could go to a Pendor colony," she said.

    He turned over, turning his back to her.  "I couldn't."

    She curled up against his back; he closed his eyes and tried to 
fight his feelings for her as she lay one arm over his side and 
kissed his back; he could feel her whiskers tickling him slightly 
as she did.  "Nickolai, don't be angry at me because I'm just doing 
what I know I want to do."

    "But Furry... "  He turned over.  "I'm... I'm sorry.  I mean, I 
really don't know.  All my life I've been taught about the way 
things work on Terra, and that's the way it's meant to be."

    "But Kolya, I'm not a Terran.  I can have children, right now 
if I want.  And maybe, someday soon, I will want.  And right now, I 
want the person who helps me raise those children to be you.  I 
know, that silly and stupid of me, but I'm lying in bed next to you 
because that's what I want.  I'm not like Skii... I don't jump into 
bed with someone to have a good time.  I do it because you mean 
something special to me."

    "I know Furry," he replied.  "And you mean something special to 
me.  But I don't know what that is yet."

    "Kolya, this may sound like a dumb question, but would 
expect... monogamy out of me?"

    "Good god, no," he replied, smiling.  "I'd like to hope I'm too 
smart for that."

    "But would you want me to be yours, I mean, forever?"

    He nodded, feeling a tear in his eye, but he didn't feel sad.  
There was a smile on his face, a smile he couldn't make go away no 
matter what he thought about.  She returned the same, silly smile, 
and hugged him close.  "Oh, Kolya, I love you."

    "And I love you," he replied.  "Let's go to sleep."

    "Then you'll owe me two tomorrow."

    "Then I'll owe you two tomorrow," he replied, smiling.  "I 
think I'm healthy enough for that."  He reached over and slid his 
fingers over the light controls, then found the controls for the 
window, bringing it to full transparency.  As he cuddled her close, 
the rough crags of Marblerange Northmount glittered in the 
ever-changing reflected light of other sectors.

--
"Journal Entry 191 / 0916  [ Travellogue, Day 9 ]"
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are copyright (C) 1989-1995 Elf Mathieu Sternberg.  Redistribution of
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Any redistribution must include this copyright notice intact.
--
Elf Sternberg            FUCK THE CDA!       (Cohen vs. California, 1971)
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