From: elf@chinook.halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories
Subject: Journal Entry 194/0916  [ Travellogue, Day 12 ]
Date: 16 Jan 1995 15:30:35 GMT
Organization: Northwest Nexus Inc.
Lines: 372
Message-ID: <3fe3er$qb2@news.halcyon.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: chinook.halcyon.com

Yavar 1, 0916

	"Nickolai?"

	Dave's voice percolated slowly through his sleep-laden brain.  
He groaned for a moment, then turned over and said, "What is it, 
Dave?"

	"I hate to disturb you, but Ken is at the door."

	"What?  Mph.  Let him in."  He rose from the bed, noting that 
Furry was still fast asleep, grabbed a robe and floated up through 
the grav tube.

	"Morning," Shardik said.  Nickolai waved, tired.  "You look 
tired."

	"I overslept," Nickolai admitted, painfully.  He walked into the 
kitchen and grabbed a pitcher of orange juice, fumbling for a glass.  
While he was pouring, Shardik sat down opposite the bar and said, 
"I'd like to talk to you."

	"Sure thing."

	"I'm sure Furry told you last night about the offer I made."  
Nickolai nodded.  "I mean it.  You're welcome, too.  No questions 
asked, no expectations."

	"I have to go home," Nickolai said.

	"I know," Shardik replied.  "I kinda figured you would say that.  
So here's my next offer.  When you return, you walk the Hall.  And 
you stay the same.  No change, unless you want to change."

	"Huh?"

	"I'm changing the Hall.  You walk the Hall, you're a resident of 
Pendor.  It's that simple.  You and Furry don't have to move to an 
outcolony or anything like that.  You don't get changed by the Hall, 
except you become a Pendorian design."

	"What do you mean?"

	"You talked to Skii about Pendorian nanobiology.  That gets 
substituted for Saman Transfer.  And that goes for anybody, Humans, 
Katckin, Rats, llerkindi.  So far.  They're the only ones this deal 
is good for."

	"What about my Right of Replacement?"

	"It becomes null and void.  Your reproductive ability will go 
down a lot, because Pendorians don't breed nearly as fast as Terrans 
do."

	"My reproductive ability is zero," Nickolai pointed out.

	"Well, yes," Shardik replied.  "So I guess it's a benefit.  I 
was talking about in comparison to orignal Homo Sapiens.  You still 
get full reproductive control, of course."

	"Why are you doing this?"

	"Because I've been away from Terra too long," Shardik admitted.  
"There's never been, as far as I know, an interstellar empire based 
on respect.  I think we could make one.  You've proven it, 
Nickolai... you want to be part of it."

	"I'm not so sure I want to be 'part of it'," Nickolai said.  
"All I know is, I've found things in it worth living for, and that 
makes me want to give to it.  Does that make any sense?"

	"All the sense in the world," Shardik replied.  "It proves to me 
the basic idea I had when Dave first told me about you.  It tells me 
that Terra has forgotten the ultimate adventure, except in a few 
people, people like you, Nickolai."

	"People," Nickolai said.  "Aaden told me that, a few days ago.  
People are the ultimate adventure."

	"Right.  Your mother makes art for artificial reasons.  She 
makes it to hear applause, and to see money.  She doesn't do it to 
see pleasure in another person's eyes, even if that pleasure is 
through the vicarious experience of whatever the art conveys, be it 
love, lust, hatred, whatever.  That's what being alive is all about.  
No deity, no higher goal exists, than to bring joy to another person.  
Skii doesn't see that, but he's getting there, with every 
disappointment, with every physical pleasure, he gets a little 
closer.  Aaden and I have known it for a long time, funny as it 
sounds.  Almost from the first time we met, we knew it in each other- 
and if that joy comes in pushing the mystical boundaries of ourselves 
through... through whatever it is that Aaden and I do, so be it.  
P'nyssa and I are like you and Jofuran... we just have it.  We just 
have to be there for each other, and we're happy."

	Nickolai nodded.  "So what happens now?"

	"Now?" Shardik asked.  "Well, we go on hold for two years.  And 
you're right.  You have to go home... back to Terra.  You have to 
find out for yourself if everything you've learned is true.  If 
you're ready to take responsibility for what I'm putting on you."

	"I don't think that's much of a problem."

	"Because it gets you Jofuran?"

	"Because it allows me Jofuran," Nickolai corrected after a 
pause.

	"Good..." Shardik seemed surprised.  "Wow.  You came around a 
lot faster than even I would have thought possible."  He stopped and 
bit his lip.  "Look, I took the liberty of having everything of yours 
packed away and ready to go, and had a few pictures of the picnic I 
especially liked set aside in an album.  You don't mind?"  Nickolai 
shook his head.  "Also, I've cooked breakfast.  If you want, come and 
join us in my home."

	"I will.  Let me go wake Furry?"

	"See you in a few minutes."

	Nickolai floated back down the tube.  "Furry?" he whispered 
gently into her ear.

	"Whuzza?" she asked groggily.

	"Time to get up," he said gently.  "Ken's invited us to 
breakfast."

	She scowled gently, licking the taste in her mouth like she did 
every morning, apparently, and said, "Okay.  Help me dress?"

	He smiled and helped her into the clothing she had set aside for 
the day, a modest pair of Felin-cut silk pants, and a shirt of the 
same material, all in a gentle grey with wide pink trim that looked 
good on her.

	For himself, Nickolai chose to wear his "Discrimination..." 
T-shirt and a pair of blue denim pants.  He wanted to look as 
nondescript as possible, and the T-shirt covered by the leather 
jacket... he stopped.  The leather jacket.  Nobody wore leather 
anymore on Terra.  He shrugged.   There was no way he was going to 
get away with "nondescript" now, and he didn't give a damn either 
way.  "How do I look?"

	"Beautiful," she replied, suddenly grasping him and hugging him 
tightly.  "I love you."

	"I know," he replied, blink a tear.  "I wish... Well, we'll see.  
I love you, Jofuran."  They held each other, almost silent for 
minutes.  "Come on," he said.  "Breakfast is getting cold."

	They found Shardik, P'nyssa and Aaden at home, waiting for them 
to arrive.  Shardik distributed plates, glassware and silverware, and 
people were encouraged to eat wherever they chose.  Nickolai and 
Furry took the couch, Shardik took the chair opposite, Aaden at his 
feet, and P'nyssa took the chair to Furry's right.  They ate in 
relative quiet.  After they had all finished their meals and Shardik 
put the plates aside, he said, "There didn't seem to be much to say, 
Nickolai, except 'goodbye.'"

	"I know," Nickolai replied gently.  "I couldn't think of 
anything I really wanted to tell you, either, except maybe 'thank 
you... sir.'"

	Shardik laughed gently.  "Good man."

	P'nyssa held out her mitten.  "Come back, Nickolai," she said.  
"Although I didn't get to talk to you much, I did like what I did 
see.  I'd love to have more time to just sit and talk."

	"I'd like that too," he said, suddenly finding himself intensely 
curious about her.  "I'll be back."

	"Better be," Aaden said, smiling, "Or else I think this young 
lady will be coming after you with a loaded weapon."

	"And seeing the way she shot out there," Shardik commented, 
"That's not something you want."

	"No, it isn't," Nickolai admitted.

	"I wouldn't shoot him," Jofuran said quietly.  "I can think of 
things far more nasty to do to him, most of which involve sending 
mail to his roommates."  She laughed.  "I'm only kidding, Kolya... I 
wouldn't  do any such thing."

	"That's good," he commented, feeling a little better.

	"There's still this nagging in the back of your mind about what 
Pendorians do, isn't there?  You hear all these stories about 'what 
we do' and you become very uncomfortable.  Nickolai, you worry too 
much.  Think about it this way... you're not a Pendorian, but you 
have every right to say 'Nickolai Shardik,' if you want to.  Here."  
Shardik flipped a small plastic card in his direction.  "It's an 
offworld ident card.  You're right handed, correct?"  Nickolai 
nodded.  "It's the one used by the Pendorian Diplomatic Corp.  If you 
hand it to someone with your left hand, it'll read 'Nickolai 
Shardik,' and will list your address here.  You're under Pendorian 
Aegis, if you so request.

	"If you think I'm pressuring you, maybe I am.  I'm trying to 
make it as easy as you want to come back, whenever you want."

	"But..." Nickolai frowned.

	"This is an order, Nickolai.  You're going home.  That's your 
decision.  You already have travel tickets made out for the day after 
your eighteenth birthday, and you know how to use the SDisk system 
once you get here.  So, from now until then, I want you to decide.  
It's not an easy choice."  He stepped two steps forward and put his 
hand on Furry's shoulder.  "But there are reasons you should come 
back.  Decide what it is you plan on doing with your life.  In the 
meantime, I expect Furry to be doing the same."

	"I will."

	"Promise?"

	"I have to make a promise to an order?" Nickolai chided Shardik.

	"No," Shardik said.  "I want one anyway."

	"I promise," Nickolai replied.

	"Good.  Come on, boarding starts in one hour, and there are 
people there I want to meet, and you want to meet."

	"People... ?  Like who?"

	"Well, the Shigokais, for one thing, and your mother for 
another."

	Nickolai sighed.  "I suppose."  He felt... saddened, but he 
couldn't quite say why.  A lot of it was that he was leaving Furry, 
but there was more to it than that.  He supposed it was just 
depression, and responsibility, creeping up on him.

	He recovered his bag, which Aaden immediately snatched from him.  
"I'll carry it," he offered.

	"Thank you," Nickolai said.  "Aaden?"

	"Hmm?"

	"Where's Skii this morning?"

	"He has class until about six."

	"Oh.  I guess I won't see him to say goodbye.  And Molly?"

	"She and Rainy are off again."

	"Oh.  Aaden?" he asked again.

	"Hmm?" the big Mephit replied, smiling.

	"If I give you a hug, will you pass it on to Skii for me?"

	Aaden smiled, then nodded.  He put down the bag and opened his 
arms wide.  Nickolai walked into his open arms and hugged him 
tightly, fiercely.  And as he stepped away, he said, "Give Skii this 
message for me, will you?  Tell him... tell him I think the ticket's 
still good."

	Aaden looked confused, then nodded.  "Not sure what it's about, 
but I'll deliver it."

	"Thank you."

	They all stepped on the SDisk together and appeared inside the 
foreign outbound terminal in Parma.  "There go my sinuses," Shardik 
commented.  

	Nickolai looked around for a moment, then said, "There's my 
mother."  They walked together as a group, five people, and the 
Humans in the terminal gave them a very wide berth.

	"Kolya," his mother said.

	"Hi, Mom," he replied, stepping forward and giving her a hug.

	"Kolya," she exclaimed.  "What was that for?"

	"Just because, Mom," he replied.  "Mom, I think you've met Ken 
Shardik, and this is Aaden and P'nyssa Shardik."

	She looked flustered for a moment, then turned to Aaden and 
said, "I've not met you.  Pleased to make your acquaintance, sir."

	Aaden smiled; although to most people it probably looked like a 
polite smile, Nickolai thought he could see a hint of amusement 
there, probably at her use of the word 'sir.'  "Thank you, Ms 
Dittrich.  It's been a pleasure having your son as our houseguest.  
As you can see, we're returning him to you just as he left."

	Nickolai distinctly saw Shardik roll his eyes, lean over and 
whisper something into Aaden's ear.  Aaden's public reply was, 
"That's you."

	"Mom!" he heard Furry say.

	"Hello, Joey," her mother replied, stepping through the crowd 
waiting to board.  "How have you been?"

	"Great, Mom, just great.  And you?"

	"Very well.  Your father has another section of the universe for 
us to gallivant off to."

	"Do you want me to..."

	"Only if you wish, dear.  Although I understand you do want to 
follow in his path."

	"I'll think about it, Mom.  Hi, Dad."

	"Hiya, Little One.  How've you been?"

	"Uhm, Sir, Miss, may I speak to you both for a moment?" Shardik 
interrupted.  He pulled them aside.  The conversation was very short, 
followed immediately by handshakes from both of the Shigokais.

	Her father returned and said, "Congratulation, sweetheart.  I'll 
let you in on a little secret- I've had that for a long time too."

	"You have?"

	"Yes," he replied.  "It's not a secret between your mother and 
I.  You probably got the same room I've taken."

	A voice from the intercom broke over the conversation.  "The 
gangway has been cleared.  Boarding is now starting."

	"I have to go," Nickolai said.  Tears were forming in his eyes.  
"I really have to go," he repeated.

	"Give her a hug goodbye, then," Shardik said gently.

	Nickolai looked down at Jofuran, who had tears to match his.  
"Goodbye, Kolya."

	"I'll be back," he whispered as he hugged her close.

	"I love you."

	"I love you.  Oh, God, how I love you."  The universe seemed to 
hold still as they held each other.  Then slowly, it came to speed as 
they tore apart from each other.

	"Goodbye," she whispered.

	He smiled through his tears, and an old line went through his 
mind.  He formed his thumb and forefinger in a circle, held it to his 
eye and tipped it away.  "Be seeing you," he shouted as he walked 
backwards towards the gangway, crying.  The crowd pressed in and 
closed around him, and he couldn't see the six people he was leaving 
behind, especially the one.

--
"Travellogue, Day 12"
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al. 
are copyright (c) 1989-1994 Elf Mathieu Sternberg.  Distribute freely 
via electronic media.  This copyright permits individual users to 
make single hardcopies for their own use.  The Journal Entries may 
not be sold or otherwise distributed for profit.
 
http://www.halcyon.com/elf/journals/0916_194.html
mailto:elf@halcyon.com
--
--
elf@halcyon.com          Another victim of involuntary performance art. 
Public key available     http://www.halcyon.com/elf/elf_sternberg.html