Date: Sat, 24 Aug 2002 16:40:32 -0700 (PDT)
From: gayle anderson <oubballnut@yahoo.com>
Subject: first and only love

Sitting in a meeting in London , getting a urgent message to call home
. Learning from my uncle my father has passed away . Even though we weren't
on very good speaking terms my world fell apart.

Catching the red eye back to the states , driving home reflecting on the
thing's we had said during our last conversation . Him saying he couldn't
understand how two people of the same sex can love eachother , but saying
that no matter what i did in life he would alway's be there for me .

I left this small town five year's ago after telling my best friend growing
up that i loved her and alway's would . Seeing the shock on her face i left
the next morning . Now returning knowing I will see her again .

Seeing the town light's making my way downtown pulling up in front of my
uncles resturant. Smelling the food cooking hearing and seeing the bustle
of a crowded night . Hearing " JC welcome home " , seeing him pulling me
into a hug , me crying on his shoulder " it will be alright , he fought
long and hard , he's in a better place" nodding my head yes telling him i
need to freshen up .

 Walking towards the back I hear her laugh across the room stoping mid
stride , scanning the tables finding her sitting with four other women
. She hadn't changed at all she took my breath away, seeing her whispering
to one of the women , the lady watching me staring at Kara . Her whispering
back , Kara turning back looking at me , studying me trying to figure out
who i am, turning i walk away. Closing the restroom door looking in the
mirror thinking " she didn't even reconize you " . My looks have changed ,
my hair has grown out past my shoulders wearing a pin striped business suit
, who would take you for the tomboy that she once knew with the crew cut
hair and baggy jean's .

Heading back ,glancing her way seeing her watching me walk across the room
smiling at her taking a seat at uncle Jake's table leaning across
whispering " I'm going home , see you in the morning " . Replying " Ok ,
get some rest , go talk to her JC , you need to stop running ". " Would it
make a difference , I made a fool of myself before i left here i don't need
a repeat " i replyed . Leaning down kissing him on the cheek heading home .

Phone ringing as i get outside hearing " hey sugar how are you doing , we
will be there in the morning ok love ". Smiling I can always count on Mike
and Greg " I just made it in a few hours ago, tired and lonely as usuall
you know " . Standing there talking not realizing someone was behind me , "
yes i saw her , she's as beautifull as i remember , I will probably see her
at the funeral . Its hard loving someone you know you will never get to
have ". Hearing " don't get down on yourself you never know she might have
changed ". Tears welling in her eyes " I will see you two in the morning ,
bye " . Turning almost bumping inot the lady she was sitting with , staring
at her knowing she heard everything , finding her voice " tell Kara , JC
say's hi " . Leaving not waiting for a reply.

Sitting with her family during the funeral in a daze still not believing
her father is gone. Alone in the world taking for granted he would always
be there , making it through the funeral and burial setting out back on the
deck as family and friends come and go . " Sugar there's someone here to
see you " , turning seeing Kara beside Mike . Tears running down both of
their faces hugging eachother " it will be alright JC , I didnt' realize it
was you last night till today, he loved you so much jenn it will be
alright" .

Taking the rest the afternoon catching up on what the other has been doing
." I'm having a cookout tonight if you want to come you are more than
welcome " . Not knowing what to say asking " how's steve , do you have any
kid's yet " . Laughing " um, no i broke it off with him a few weeks after
you left . I realized i didn't love him , i was in love with someone else
". Looking stuned " I didn't know , I'm sorry it didn't work out , what do i
need to bring " . Smiling " nothing just yourself and a swing suit " .

Wearing jeans and t-shirt and tenny shoes pulling up to a nice house out in
the country cars everywhere . Seeing Kara talkign with everyone smiling and
laughing , making JC's heart pound . Watching her running up to her pulling
her along " Hey everyone this is my very best friend Jenn " , saying hi to
everyone " i was beging to think you weren't going to show up " Kara asked
" I almost didn't but Mike and Greg pushed me into the car." Going to the
bar sitting watching her working the crowd drinking a beer . Seeing her
taking off her top and shorts standing there in a sky blue bikini . Toned
adds , taned body , heart a pounding looking at all her beauty . " excuse
me see anything you like " , replying " oh, yes " turning seeing the other
woman beside her . Turning red looking away , " I'm Lisa , Kara has said
alot about you , I'm sorry about your father . What are your plans while
you are here ?" . Expecting the question's " you don't have to worry about
me stealing your girfriend , I'm only here for a few more day's then i will
be out of here and out of everyones' life". Seeing the anger rising " why
don't you go join her , i hear you are a good swimmer by what she say's " ,
swallowing " I don't swim anymore , if you will excuse me I''m going
inside" . Walking away leaving her there yelling " what are you scared of
anyway Jenn it's just friend's " .

Kara storming up to Lisa , " What are you doing , I told you we are just
friend's , I think you should leave " , turning telling everyone the
parties over . Walking into the house seeing JC holding their picture taken
the week everything changed between them . " JC I'm sorry for what happened
Lisa had no right to do that , she's been kinda out of wack since you got
back ". Turning tear's in her eye's replying " I understand completely
where she is coming from if i was in her shoe's I'd want to know what was
going on , but i'm here for only my father's funeral nothing else" .

Both sitting looking at the other " Kara I'm happy for you , your
happiness is all i ever wanted , I just wish thing's could have been
different . I'm leaving tomorrow and everything can get back to normal
". Looking stuned " why are you leaving so soon , I thought you would be
here for a few more day's , at least go swimming with me once JC please
". Looking away " I can't swim Kara ok , I haven't for a couple year's
don't ask me to do something I can't " tear's running down her face
. Pulling her close hugging her " It's alright JC you don't have to , I
wish you wuld tell me what's wrong " . "Your lucky to have found Lisa , I'm
glad your happy , if you are ever in LA look me up and I will show you the
sight's " . Knowing she's changed the subject " yeah sure JC we might just
do that , look i'm tired and I know you need to get some rest before you
head back " . Hearing the hurtfull tone getting up walking to the door
looking back seeing her crying watching her walk away again , closing the
door .