Date: Thu, 13 Mar 2008 07:29:46 -0400
From: Ren?e-Naomi X <shadow_angel223@hotmail.com>
Subject: my love for music 2

   I don't know what I had done wrong that day that I broke down but I
seemed to have really upset Chloe because she left without a word. I sat
down at the table and thought for a while. I ran my hands through my hair
like I did when I was frustrated. I needed to throw something because there
was so much tension between Chloe and I that I wanted gone. At that moment
she walked in and sat down with her laptop and hugged headphone on. She
seemed to be completely oblivious to me. I just sat there and stared at
her. Her eyes where closed but she still had a look of concentration her
face.
  Then out of nowhere she broke it to a big smile taking of the headphones
and finally opening her eyes and acknowledging my presence.
   "What the fuck do you want" she asked in the tone she had used when she
was first hiring me and was a total bitch. I was stunned I couldn't say
anything. Then it hit me, she was a bitch that was just her. She was my
boss, she thought she was better than me because I was a broke Latina and
she was paying me.
  "Nothing Miss Chloe," I said in a cold voice, letting her no that me and
her were not friends anymore if she was going to be like that I got up
getting ready to do my famous storm out. Then I felt her hand on my wrist
pulling me down into her lap. I was still angry but more shocked. I was
sitting in my boss's lap...and I liked it. The feel of her body so close to
mine felt so real like this was the way it supposes to be. However I was
still angry at her.
   "Get you're hands off me," I said angrily trying to get off her
lap. "You think I'm you're little rag doll that you can throw around and
treat like shit and still keep it liking you, well if so ma you are so
wrong," I told her. I waited patiently for her to get mad back.
  "You're right?" she said solemnly.
 "What? ... I mean hell yeah I'm right I was starting to like you then you
fucked me over like every other person in my life seems to do," I said
getting serious. She had loosened her grip on me and I stood up and
proceeded to make dinner.
  "I know that this might sound like a bunch of bull shit but I promise I
won't hurt you because..." she had caught my attention for sure.
  "Because.." I repeated egging her to continue
 "Because I'm not like that," she said. I felt disappointed and I don't
know what I had expected but hey ho it didn't happen.
  "Okay," I simply said and continued to make dinner.


The tension in the house was killing me.
	Why did I have to bitch such a bitch to her? When I saw her she
briefly reminded me of what I use to feel for Dana and I got mad. Dang I
screwed up like I always did. I left her in the kitchen and went into my
room. After Dana and I split I got a new love that I new could never break
my heart. Music. I began producing tracks, rapping, singing and dancing. I
absorbed all of it to help me get over the pain and it did help me. I
walked into my room and pulled the glass wardrobe doors open. I stepped
into the wardrobe pushing the hanging close aside till I found my secret
door and pushed it open. I had been forever since I had stepped into my
little dance studio.
   The wooden floors had gathered a little dust but it wasn't too bad. I
pulled out the stereo and pressed play. The music filled my ears and the
familiar feeling of self harmony came over me. I pulled out the draw which
were on the wall and began to change into my baggy sweat pants and
sweater. There were huge mirrors on the wall. I stood and stared at my
reflection. It had been a while since is seen myself like this. Began to
move to the music sliding my feet across the floor and when the up-tempo
came I began to pop my ass move my hips and move my arms and body in sharp
break movements.
    How could I have not done this in so long?
   "Wow you are great," I heard Dani say behind me making me stop in my
tracks. I didn't know what to do but I wasn't going to yell at her. "It's a
little dirty though I can't believe I never cleaned this place before," she
said mostly to herself.
   "Come dance with me," I said to her. Her face went blank then I saw she
was thinking as she wrinkled her cute nose.
  "Don't tell anyone but I can't dance," she sighed though I could see a
hint of a smile.
  "I can teach you," I said back.
  "I think I'll pass," she said back. The music was still going. It was one
of my own songs. That I made especially for dancing. "This song is really
cool though who sang it, I think I'll get it on my Ipod," she said
smiling. I didn't know what to say, could I tell her my secret I didn't
think so.
  "You know that singer/rapper Anonymous," I asked her. Anonymous is what I
was known as to the public, only a few people knew that it was me.
  "Oh yeah her, the girl that never shows her face, if you ask me I think
she is kind of selfless, the fact that she doesn't want to be in the public
eye is cute and cool. She can make mistake and nobody would ever know about
it," she explained. I wanted to hug her, she was one of the people that
understood why I did what I did. Not many people did understand, so they
made up stupid rumors that I was ugly and shit. When I was hella fine.
 "Cool I think so too, now come dance with me," I said smiling grabbing her
by the arm and pulling her onto me. She was really stiff and tried to pull
away.
   "Just relax," I whispered in her ear. Her back was to me and I just
swayed with her nothing complicated, I was trying to get her to calm
down. She calmed down really quickly. This was what I needed to lead her
into the dance. I pulled her tighter into me and swayed to the music and
listen to every stroke and beat of the drum dipping on the forth beat. She
tilted her head back and I saw she was getting into it. As she tilted her
head back on to my shoulder I got a view of her beautiful long neck. Before
I knew it I found myself kissing her neck. She stiffened almost immediately
as my lips touched her skin. I got control of myself quickly and pulled
away quickly.
   "Fuck, fuck, oh dang...fuck" I growled at myself, how could I be so
stupid. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me I think it was the
music," I was babbling.
  "I--its okay, I should go," she stammered rushing of. I was nearly in
tears, how could I be so stupid, she obviously wasn't ready and I like a
fucking idiot got carried away. However that didn't mean I didn't savor the
feel of her soft skin against my lips. I didn't know what to do or what to
say. I walked sluggishly back into my room still cursing myself. Then I
noticed her seating on my bed playing with her fingers nervously. My heart
jumped into my throat I didn't know what to expect.
   "Look I am sorry if I scared or upset you, I don't know what came over
me and if you want it's already forgotten," I was babbling trying to
salvage the situation. She got up from her bed and walked over to me and I
expected to be slapped and I felt I deserved.
   "Why would I want to do that, forget it that is," she whispered before
she tiptoed and kissed me on my lips. It was a soft nervous kiss that left
my stomach turning flips. I pressed my lips more firmly against her begging
Christ she wouldn't pull away. Far from it her kiss became more assertive
and hungry. She opened her mouth and my tongue slipped into her mouth. She
wrapped her arms around my neck and I pulled her into me holding on to her
waist. We soon had to come up for some air, I bent down to kiss her again
but she turned her head.  Dread filled my being, did she regret this? God I
hope she didn't because it felt so good and I want to do it again. She
pulled away from me and I reluctantly let go of her.  Immediately she moved
away from me I missed her being close to mine.
     "What's wrong," I asked not being able to take the worry out of my
tone.
     "I don't want to be a one night stand person for you, I mean I am just
a poor house maid and--," I moved in to kiss her stopping her in right
there. I pulled her body tightly against mine.
   "You are so much more than that baby, I want you it more ways than one
so, no this is not a one night stand," I whispered in her ear.

    I think I felt my heart skip a beat as she told me this. I couldn't
believe this was happening, I had wanted this so bad. I didn't think I was
gay but I did no that I wanted Chloe right here and right now. When she
kissed me on my neck it felt so good and got me sexually charged. Her full
pink lips came against mine again and this time I committed to it, as I
opened my mouth to deepen the kiss then I felt her tongue come into my
mouth and I pushed back against it with my tongue. This was by far the best
kiss I'd ever had; it was like what was missing in all my other kisses
where all in this one. She was taller than me and bent down to kiss me. I
reached up and stroked the back of her neck. Her hand slid down my back and
kept going until they rested on my ass. I started to get nervous and felt
myself stiffen, it felt so good but awkward. I found myself pulling away as
a reflex action. She held fast, "baby relax, my number one aim is to make
you feel good," she whispered in my ear making me feel relax.
    "Kiss my neck I think it's my feel good spot," I whispered to her. She
smiled at me before bending down and kissing my neck lightly then hard
pressing her lips against my neck firmly and running her tongue along it. I
felt my body begin to shake; I never realized how sensitive I was right
there. I surprised myself by letting out an involuntary moan which just
escaped my mouth. She lifted my up of the ground and I wrapped my legs
around her. "God you're strong," I whispered. "I like em' strong and
protective," I giggled licking around her ear.  She moved me over to the
bed and gently lay me down and carried on kissing and rubbing her hands up
my sides. I didn't think I was ready to go the whole way but I was pretty
content with kissing. She seemed to understand as she gave me one last kiss
before lying beside me and pulling me into her. When I was around her she
made me loose control and I was scared cause I liked being in control
because I knew I could never let myself down. I feel asleep with her
spooning me from behind.
  It seemed a few hours before I woke up I turned around and saw Chloe next
to me sleeping peacefully. We had made out like a guy and girl would. What
would my dad say? Oh God he would kill me. I started to get off the bed in
a hurry closing her dancing studio closet door and rushing to the
kitchen. Searching in earnest for my keys. Why was I acting like this? I
like it for sure but what would other people think? Shit like this was way
too complicated. I found my keys under a paper and took my car to the café
where Miguel and I use to go. I ordered a latté and sat there thinking to
myself. I was a nervous wreck. I'd never been or felt this way about a
girl.
    "Hey shawty a penny for your thoughts," I looked up and saw Tyrone
smiling at me. I smiled back. He sat down next to me and raised his
eyebrow. "So really what's wrong, more man problems?" he asked.
    "Worse," I replied not giving anything away.
     "Let me guess... woman problems," he said leaning forward and saying
it in a low voice. I was taken back for real. Was I that obvious? How could
he know?
    "How----how did you know?" I stammered.
    "Well being gay myself I know a gay person when I see one," he told
me. I was even more surprised he knew before I knew.
   "I'm not gay," I replied but as soon as it came out I didn't even
believe what I was saying myself.
   "Okay that you, well speak to you later girl," he said kissing me on the
cheek before leaving.  I pondered on what he had said for along time. I was
so scared to go back home, so I just drove around. Until I found a nice
place of green where I could sit back and relax. I stayed there staring
into the distance until I had to go home. My dad wouldn't accept it I knew
that and he would kill me literally rather than I bring shame on to our
family. He was even pressing me to get married. I drove back to Chloe's
house and got there at 7pm when I left at like 3. As soon as I opened the
door I saw Chloe sitting on the couch with her knees pulled to her chest.
    "Sorry I'm late, I'll go make something to eat," I said avoiding eye
contact because I knew if I looked into her eyes I would want to kiss her
and if she made a move on me I wouldn't be able to resist.
   "I'm not hungry, baby come here please," she said in a cracked voice.
  "Hold on I'll go cook anyway, incase you get hungry," I told her ignoring
what she said.
  "Dani Goddamit! I don't want you to cook I don't want you to do anything
except come here please," Chloe said to me raising her voice. She scared
me, she had never yelled at me before. I just wanted to run to the kitchen
and ignore her but it was like her eyes were pulling her to her. I moved to
her slowly. "Talk to me, where did I go wrong, did I move to fast," she
said touching my cheek. I felt the familiar feeling of butterflies in my
stomach. My head began to hurt too many conflicting emotions where fucking
with me. I pulled away sharply.
    "Look you're my boss I cook, clean and run errands that's all so leave
me alone," I snapped, I regretted it almost immediately. I saw her bite on
her beautiful pink lips and the hurt form in her eyes. She just walked past
me without saying a word, I grabbed her arm but let go almost
immediately. "Chloe..." I whispered. I felt my head begin to seriously
pound and as I went to my room. I felt hot and cold. I think I was coming
down with something. I scrambled under the covers. I felt myself begin to
shiver. Half way through the night I became restless. I went down stairs
and curled up on the sofa. I was actually feeling like shit.

  I know she didn't mean it, she was just confused but it still hurt. I
don't know I've never been rejected before I always got what I wanted. I
went downstairs to get milk and saw Dani shivering on the couch. I moved
over to her and saw her face was damp. I touched her check and felt she was
burning up. I put all my feelings aside and picked her off the sofa and
carried her. She wrapped her legs around my waist slightly shifting against
me trying to get comfortable but in the process it made me hot. The she
rested her head against my shoulder breathing on my neck. I carried her to
my room and laid her under the covers. Oh my God she really was sick. I
grabbed my phone and called my doctor and explained the situation to
him. He said that he would be over in the morning that I should keep a
close eye on her and keep her warm and hydrated. I thanked him and after
scurrying around and worrying myself I climbed into bed with her. I lay on
my back keeping reasonable distance between us. Then I felt her hand on
abdomen area as she shifted close to me and rested her head on my
shoulder. She sighed before falling asleep and finally I fell asleep too.

  "Oh my God," I sat up quickly as I was not a deep sleeper. I turned and
saw Dani looking pale holding her head. "Did we do it--- did we have sex oh
my God I can't remember it, my dad's--" Dani was babbling.
  "Baby I wish," I said before I could stop myself. She stopped what she
was saying and raised and eyebrow. "Look you're sick and you need to get
your rest. The doctor will be here soon okay so lay down," I said and she
obeyed. I leaned over her to check her temperature while she watched me
with her eyes. Her hands went up to my neck and pulled my head down and
lightly kissed me murmuring her thanks. I coaxed he into making the kiss
longer and she opened her mouth and I slipped my tongue inside she moaned
as I did so. He hands were on my shoulders. My hands were on her neck
slowly traveling down south when the door bell rang and she weakly pushed
me away from her. I went downstairs and let the doctor in. He smiled warmly
at me before I led him to my room where Dani was. He checked her
temperature and some other stuff and asked her how she felt.
  "She's got a bug which had made her ill and also I'd like to ask has she
been under stress," he asked. I felt a pang of guilt twist in my chest. If
it was stress that made her ill it was my fault that meant. "Yes she has,"
I murmured.
  "Well ease of on her okay," he said with a warm smile, tearing me the
prescription before leaving. I was so mad at myself. It was my fault she
was ill. I looked down at her and she stared at me. She started to get up
snapping me back to reality.
   "Whoa where are you going?" I asked stopping her from walking past me.
  "I want to get some water please," she said in a hoarse voice.
  "Go lay down and I'll get it, in fact I'll get anything you need and ask
for okay baby," I told her kissing her check. She got back into the bed
like I said and I rushed down to get her water to drink. I was going to
make sure my baby got better then we would pick up where we left off.
 It took about a week for me to trust her to not over do things and I let
her out of bed. She had recovered and some of the colour came back to her
skin. She was itching to get back to work so I let her but I kept a very
close eye on her. I began to get calls to the studio as I need to release a
new song soon. I was reluctant to leave her but she assured me I could go
do what I wanted to do. The issue of what was going on between us hadn't
come up and I was waiting patiently for the right time. That night was the
night she was okay enough to sleep in her own room. I went to my bed and it
felt empty without her there I wanted her next to me so bad but I couldn't
tell her. I was tossing and turning when I heard a light knock on the
door. The door opened I could sense the hesitation.
   "Come in," I coaxed her so she couldn't back out.
  "Can I--I uh sleep with you... NOT SEXUALLY!! Not like that I just don't
want to be by myself and--"she began rambling
  "Of course you can baby," her eyes went hazy when I called her baby like
it did sometimes. She climbed into bed with me and lay next to me. I
refrained from touching her not to make her uncomfortable. "You know Dani
I'm tired of playing games," I sighed.
  "What?" she asked but I knew she knew what I was talking about, but if
she wanted me to spell it out for her I would.
  "I want to be with you and I know you want me too so what's the big
deal," I groaned.
  "It's complicated, my dad wouldn't accept me dating a girl and he is
trying to get me married off," she said.
  "I don't care I still want to be with you," I told her. "We will handle
that when it comes to that," I said stroking her check. She looked at me
big brown eyes glittering in the light of the lamp. I leaned forward and
kissed her softly then pulled back to look at her. This time she moved half
the way and I completely the journey bringing our lips together in a lock
of fiery passion. I pushed my tongue in my mouth and to my surprise she
began to lift of my sweat shirt leaving me in my sports bra. Her hand
trailed down my abdomen touching my toned stomach. I pulled off her t-shirt
then rolled on top of her. She was in her bra and panties. She bit her lip
nervously. I smiled at her and kissed her. This time her tongue was first
to enter my mouth moving it around and moaning as I touched her nice round
breast over the bra material. I felt myself getting aroused from her
moaning.
   "Baby, can we do it.. can I make love to you," I asked her. She looked
at me and I could tell she was thinking it over. In my head all I could
scream was. PLEASE SAY YES OR GIVE ME A SIGN.