Date: Wed, 8 Jun 2011 18:53:21 -0400
From: KayJ <XxKayJxX@live.com>
Subject: Refreshing Dose of a New Life Part One

As soon as i was born, march 16, 1991, i was a ward of the state. Where i
stayed for 18 years. my mother died giving birth to me and my father died a
month before i was born for reasons unknown. So, i never had the luxury of
family; someone to teach me the "right' way to love and treat others. So i
went through the system as if love didn't exist. it wasnt until i met alec
jensen that i really learned to love and care for others. she was 28 and i
was 20 when we first met. we were at a bar and we got into a fight over a
girl we were both after. after we had both been thrown out we decided on a
peace treaty and went for coffee. we started talking, arguing, talking and
finally agreeing as this started our friendship and eventually
relationship.

Two months later marked the beginning of our relationship. Alec had
prepared a trip for me to meet her parents. the trip alone was fun, we
joked around and talked like we had known each other our whole lives. We
visited her parents all day and drove overnight back to alec's house.

The next month went by with me going back and forth in my head "Yes im in
love, no im not in love." and it showed when alec wanted to go to places
and do things a normal couple would do. like hold hands at the park or
movies. I was there but not completely there. I wanted to be, everytime she
grabbed my hand i wanted to grab and squeeze hers back, look into those
beautiful blue eyes of hers and tell her how much i loved and adored her
and how much i appreciated her being there. But i just couldnt, i couldn't
bring myself to tell her the things i knew she needed and wanted to
hear. Truth was, i was afraid it would put me in a vulnerable state, a
state that i could get hurt in again and i just couldnt, i wouldnt let
myself go back to that state again not after what had happened and what i
went through before.

My previous relationship, my only relationship before Alec ended
horribly. We were together 6 months engaged and i found out that she had
been cheating the whole 6 months with a guy....needless to say i loved and
trusted her whole heartedly and got hurt the deepest id ever been hurt
before.....i wasn't ready for that possibility again.

After one day of walking around downtown new york city, i laid in bed
thinking of her. I had promised myself I wouldn't but i was done promising
making such promises that i knew i couldnt keep. I let out a long loud sigh
as i sat up getting out of bed i grabbed a tank top pulling it on and
putting a light weight hoodie on as well i headed out the door. i had to
see her, had to tell her how much she meant to me, i had to tell
her.....show her...hell i didn't know what i had to tell or show her i just
knew i had to.

Walking to her house i rehearsed what i would say to her only none of what
i rehearsed was what went down when i got to her house.



Let me know what you think so far!!!