From: Renée-Naomi X <shadow_angel223@hotmail.com>
Sent: Friday, January 18, 2008 5:28am
Subject: running all my life

I ran as fast as I could my feet pounding against the ground the vibration
stimulating my body, my ass was on the line and that was all that mattered,
I turned the bend were the bleacher were and ran to the top of the steps,
and for the first time turned around to look back and there Charlene was
with her crew ready to cut my ass, why the fuck did I have to open my mouth
and call her a hoe though that was what she was I should've taken her
verbal abuse and moved on but nooo I had to open my big ass mouth.

  "Bitch when I get you, you wont remember your name," she yelled and hell
I wanted to remember my name, I didn't bother opening the gate to the fence
I jumped over it and carried on running, back into the school building,
into the girls changing rooms, I stopped only for a second to look at their
sexy ass bodies before yelling, "Sorry girls I gotta dash," and ran through
at the sound of Charlene's voice, running through to the courts past the
boys shooting hoops and out the back door to the drama theatre and all the
way back into the hall way and the bell went as I got in and I believed I
was safe, I was so wrong.

  I skidded to a halt as I saw Charlene standing tall in front of me a pair
of baggy cotton pants and a tight shirt I had to admit though I hated her
she was real sexy. I turned around and bumped into one of her posy who
immediately jumped me I fell on the floor and I felt a fist hitting me
everywhere and it hurt, I started to cry and then they stopped then I heard
whispering, I took my chance and crawled away until I could stand up and
run to my class.

   "Miss Dwayne firstly you're late and secondly you look a mess," Mrs
Callaway said as I entered my History class with a very worried look on
your face.

   "Oh how nice of you to notice," I said in a venomous voice before going
to my seat and sitting down, shortly after Charlene walked, I couldn't even
look at her or I'd start crying, I always sat on the back on my own and
surprisingly she came and sat next to me I involuntarily winced because, I
believed I was still gonna get hurt, my body ached from all the running and
the beating I got I lifted my shirt and checked my ribs and saw a big
purple bruise contrasting against my light caramel skin, I felt the tears
well in my eyes, I'd been beaten up before but I guess you never really get
use to it, then all of a sudden Charlene touched my bruise, I winced and
shifted in my desk, all I had left was fear, she could at least let me heal
a bit before giving me another round. I looked up at her and she looked
really sad, but I didn't care she deserved everything she got, the final
bell went and I waited for everyone to go, I didn't want to get mixed in
the huddle and get pushed and hurt, when I saw everyone was gone I picked
up my books and bag it hurt even to walk, I got up and saw Charlene in the
other end of the room I immediately started crying.

  "Look I'm sorry I called you a hoe but please don't hurt me no more," I
cried like an idiot but I knew I had to grovel if I wanted to get out of
here alive.

  "Let me help you with that," she said taking my bag and books. I stood
there surprised this was the girl who just beat the shit outta me helping
me, I immediately thought she was up to something and tried to break into a
run, I was slower than usual but still had speed, I got to the door but she
was too fast.

  "Look keeps it, keep the bag the books but I'd like to get home alive," I
sobbed but still had strength in my voice.

  "I want to help I'm really sorry for what they did to you I wasn't going
to hit you, I was just gonna scare you but Shana jumped you and the rest so
I had to get them off you, please I'm sorry I'm a bitch and everything else
but I really wanna work this out," by this time she was on her knees
hugging me around the waist, I looked down at her, she didn't know but she
was hurting me.

   "Your hurting me," I winced, and she immediately let go of me then all
of sudden I was swept of my feet I mean literally, me being 5 ft 6 and her
about 5 ft 9 It was hard to resist, she carried me with my bag and my books
out the door and down the hall which was empty thank god. I couldn't do
anything but hold on to her, she took me to the parking lot and opened her
car and put me in the front seat. I was scared I don't know why but this
girl who almost killed me was helping me I needed to take it all in.

  She was driving, and it was perfect silence.

  "So where do you want me to drop you off," she asked.

  "Here," I said, not even knowing where here was but just wanting to get
the fuck out of her car.

  "Where's here?" she asked.

  "Just stop here," I said and she stopped. I grabbed my books, and my bag
and started to stalking of in the other direction where my house was.

  "Where you going," she asked from behind me.

  "Home, or what's left of the place, I'm late so lord knows what's
happened because of you and your stupid ass friends," I said before I could
stop myself and automatically broke into run, I heard her chasing after me,
oh fuck it was too early for me to be running with these injuries, I turned
and she was still behind me, being taken over by fear I turned the corner,
and went down the alley, it had already started getting dark. I skidded
into a halt as I saw a bunch of dudes crowded round a box sniffing a white
substance which I was pretty sure that was crack.

  "Umm my bad," I said trying to turn around but I was already surrounded,
I immediately dropped to the ground and I felt the pain again twice in a
day, then I heard grunting and things smashing I looked up and saw Charlene
beating the shit outta five skinny ass dudes and then as I stood up they
were scampering out of the alley.

   "Yeah that's right you run, you can't touch this," I yelled after them
picking up my bag and bumping into Charlene. "Look I can't run my whole
body feels like shit then I'm probably gonna get home and find my momma
pissed outta her mother fucking head, so save the drama for some one else's
momma okay, I don't wanna be friends with you you've made my whole life
hell since freshman year, you've had me running my whole high school life
that's 2 years and today I got caught okay ima deal with that but I don't
want no mo shit from you or you're stupid ass possy okay," I said barging
passed her with all my strength and limping off I did look in her eyes and
I saw the hurt but I didn't know why she was hurting, twice in a row I got
the shit beaten outta me and I hurt.



******************************************************************************************************************



Everything had gone so horribly wrong. I turned and watched shawty walk
away and I felt so bad, I had made her life hell, it was just a thrill
chasing the chick I didn't know how bad we had done her and today Shana
jumped her oh fuck now I would never get her. I've wanted her since
freshman year and I never got a chance to talk to her because she was
always running so I figured I'd get to talk to her if I was chasing but I
guess it got a bit carried away. I had to make things right at least try be
friends even though she had ruled that out but I had my ways.



Next day at school I was practically looking for shawty with a
flashlight. 5th period history I knew I'd see her, I'm getting my stuff
from my locker then a really awkward silence covered the whole hall way
cause Jay-Dean Dwayne walked in looking like she had had a run in with the
devil, she had a bruise on her left cheek and one near her eye and her eyes
where red like she'd been in perpetual tears, I knew for a fact yesterday
she had no bruises on her face because she always protected her face when
someone attacked her

  "Oh shit what happened to you, your pimp get at you," Shana laughed as
she walked to my side. I did not find it funny, I could see in her eyes she
had a comeback and it was taking a lot to keep it in and I knew she
wouldn't hold.

  "Girl not everyone is like your slutty ass self who got a pimp pimping
them out let alone the pimp being there daddy," she said back and had the
whole hallway was laughing up including me, Shana moved in for the attack
but I was there first, I stood in front of Dwayne and shoved Shana into the
locker.

   "What!" she yelled at me getting up facing up to me. "You protecting
that bitch," she growled. I stepped back and looked at her and laughed then
stopped.

   "Hear is how its gonna go down, you goin apologize to Dwayne and I'm
spare your ass and then your gonna walk away.

    "Fuck no I aint apologize to that lil shit she can kiss ma ass," she
replied. On instinct I grabbed her by the hair and punched her and she lay
spread on the floor. I looked at Dwayne she smiled and stood over Shana.

  "Ohhh you just got knocked THE FUCK OUT!!" she yelled laughing.

   "Hey was happening hear, move on now," Mrs Callaway said coming over to
the scene staring down at Shana nothing much she could do this being a bad
ass public school. Everyone cleared from the scene including Dwayne and me.

   "Thanks," she simply said trying to walk away.

   "Hey no problem, I just ask for one thing," I said smiling.

   "What?" she sighed?

   "Well actually two, you holla at me when you got problems and a hug," I
said smiling.

   "Ummm you trying something," she said stepping back into the locker.

   "Naw shawty look I don't expect you to trust me but I want you to take
me seriously when I say I wanna be your hommie," I said plainly to her.

   "Iyt but I'ma be watching you," she said stepping into my embrace and
wrapping her arms around waist. I got the electricity and I knew she was
it. I let go not to make her feel awkward, then the minx slapped my ass
then ran off laughing.

   "Shawty I'ma gets you back," I yelled after her laughing.



******************************************************************************************************************



Okay so I laughed and slapped her irresistible ass however that didn't mean
I trusted her 2 days is so not enough to make up for 2 years of terror.

  "So where's your body guard now, huh I'm knock YOU the fuck out now," I
heard a venomous voice that knew only too well behind me say. I slowly
turned around and saw Shana with a big fat monstrous bruise on her eye and
I laughed out loud.

  "You think it funny huh you dweeb," she said stepping into me.

  "Oh what the fuck I can take you on," I stupidly said but I had a plan.

  I ran at her then jumped on the floor sliding on the smooth floor between
her legs then ran off laughing out loud. Mufa'fucka really thought I was
gonna take her on, shit I'm stupid but I aint crazy, I ran down the hall
into my next class chemistry I sat at the back where I normally sat,
panting.

  "You've been running, who from?" Charlene asked me turning around to look
at me.

  "Umm no one you no me I love running, you know get the practise in I
replied," bringing out my notebook.

  "No I believe you run when you have to," she said.

  "And I believe it's none of your business who I run from," I replied
getting frustrated by her sudden questioning.

  "Well I'ma makes it my business," shot back before turning around leaving
me there with my mouth hanging open.

  "Yes Miss Dwayne you know the answer," Mr Darrien asked me, ohh fuck I
hated chemistry shit I hated school.

  "The answer is you're a dick for not asking someone else," I casually
replied. Everyone was not surprised because I had no respect for no one and
they all knew it.

   "Get the hell out of my classroom and into the principles office," he
yelled at me. I rapidly got of my chair and stormed out of the classroom
but being the big head that I am I didn't go to the principle office, I
just went and sat behind the big oak, when I got there I saw a freshman
sitting where I usually sat, I sat next to her in silence.

  "Hey lil ma what you doing here aint you got class or something," I asked
her.

  "ZeeZee is gonna beat the fuck out of me, so I came here to hide because
my legs ached from all the running," she said to me quietly. Wow she
reminded me of...someone hmmm who was it again.......that's right ME.

  "Yeah I know how you feel literally shawty and I aint one of them fools
who goin tell you to fight back because we both know you'd just get your
ass beat but I am gonna teach stamina and all the secret routes in this
school that'll keep you safe to a certain extent come on," I said grabbing
her hand and taking her for a tour round school.

******************************************************************************************************************



That lil idiot never knew how to control her mouth, now I got to look for
her, I know she had been running and I swear I don't wanna see another mark
on her, I will go crazy if I do I aint playing.

   I didn't see her all day and I was going out my fucking mind but I had a
demeanour that was cool, I gotta keep with rep and stuff. I was sitting in
my ride after school waiting for her to come out, I was bored out of my
mind, I went back to check the hallway and there she was there with a kid
who looked a lil younger, that meant she was way younger because Dwayne
looked real young for her age, I always figured it was all that spirit.

  The kid clung to Dwayne waist from the back and hugged her, I felt a pang
of jealousy but I drowned it cause now was not the time, I watched as she
gave the girl a kiss on the cheek real sweet then the girl smiled and ran
off, she was pretty fast too oh so like Dwayne.

  "Yo Dwayne," I called as she opened her locker.

  "Stop calling me that my name is Jay-Dean, I'm a girl not a boy," she
said glaring at me. "What do you want," she further asked.

   "You," I casually replied. Her eyes widened like she was scared, I
quickly smiled then she relaxed, she sighed then walked past me, I never
really noticed her sway since she was always running but she had a sway and
real nice ass to fit it too. I tapped her ass as she walked by and she
jumped and stared at me half smiling.

   "Hey I did say I was gonna get you back," I laughed then I ran off and
had her chasing me she caught me and jumped on my back and I ran round with
her screaming on my back, then I felt her hand brushed up my chest really
lightly I wasn't even sure if it happened but I do know it made me want her
so I needed to get her home before I loose all self control, she jumped of
my back and sat on the grass.

   "So can I take you home," I said to her.

   "Nope, you can go if you want but I'm staying here," she said to me.

   "What you don't trust me I promise I'll take you home all safe," I said
to her.

   "Umm no today is my free day where my mom goes to see people so I like
to stay here on the grass and think and other stuff," she said rolling onto
her stomach. She wore really long denim pants that were loose but showed of
her ass and it hung nicely to her waist. "Hello, go home Charlene, people
are going to think that you're my body guard and that is not too good for
my rep," she casually said.

    "What the rep?" I said laughing "The girl always on the run cause her
ass is on the line," I added.

    "Whatever," she sighed.

I lay down next to her and we just lay on our backs looking at the sky.

   "So what are you going to do with the rest of your life?" I asked her.

   "WHAT?" she replied in a real surprised voice.

   "You are never in your classes if you don't get kicked out your skipping
I mean how are you going to get into college," I said to her, moving to lie
on my side to talk to her.

   "I'm not going to college I can't afford to, so I'm going to hustle, or
just keep on running, survive some how, I only come to school because I
have no choice, I aint got no life ahead of me and I've come to terms with
that," she said to me, it was all a lot to take in she wanted to drop out.

   "What about running," I asked her. "You could become an athlete," I said
to her thinking it was a great idea.

   "Umm..... I don't know but what I do know running is what I'll always do
on or off a track. She said looking at me, I was getting lost in her eyes
cause I could see the emotion, that running was her life, I couldn't help
my self ad I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers and I swear I
could've passed out from the electricity that soared through my body. Her
eyes was still closed, when I pulled back so I pulled her into me and
kissed her full on, her lips where soft like pillows and oh so full, she
opened her mouth and I slid my tongue inside where I met her tongue which I
pushed back with my tongue then she sucked on my tongue, I loved how she
tasted it was like a mixture of soda and candy. Then all of a sudden she
pushed me away from her, her lips were fuller than normal she looked so
cute but I saw the confused look in her face, before I could speak she ran
off leaving her school bag lying next to me. I felt like punching myself
but I wasn't one for self harming. I grabbed her bag and dumped it in my
ride and rode to her crib just to give it her. Damn she lived in the
serious hood part of town I didn't even understand how she survived with a
mouth like hers. I looked at the building and was still like damn, I got to
her door and knocked, no one came and when I knocked a little harder the
door creaked open. I stepped in and was hit by the stink of alcohol, I
carried on walking then I heard loud music, and yelling and stuff smashing,
I rushed into the room and I saw a class bottle fly and Dwayne duck then
she stared at me with horror in her eyes.

  "You're a worthless piece of shit I don't know why I waste my time!" her
mom yelled as she picked up another bottle and threw it at Dwayne I went to
intervene but Dwayne just shoved me out of the room and close the door, I
heard more yelling from both sides, then I heard a loud crash I tried to
push the door open but it had been blocked of, I was panicking something
had happened, then the door flew open and her mom walked.

  "Worthless bitch," she muttered under her breath walking past not even
noticing I was there. Her mom looked mix race with long hair that looked
like it hadn't been combed in like forever; I rushed in and saw Dwayne
rolled up in a ball on the floor, breathing hard, I touched her then she
pushed me away and got up and dusted herself off.

   "I so would've won if you hadn't come and interrupted," she growled at
me.

  "How? By ducking and running your mouth, nigga please, look, get your
stuff I can hook you with a much better place to live," I said to her.

   "Umm no she needs me I'm not leaving my mom, she sick and she's gonna
get better soon, I cant leave her now, and yes I would have won, she
would've got tired or ran out of things to throw," she said to me tears
welling in her eyes. I reached to hug her, but she stepped back from me.

   "Don't hug me okay I'm still confused about the kiss, don't make it
worse okay," she said to me. I was hurt; I don't know what there was to be
confused about.

   "What is there to be confused about? I really want you and I can tell
you want me too, that's not so hard to understand," I said to her,
practically pleading with her to want me too.

    "You go from hating me to wanting me and you expect me not to be
confused don't be a stupid okay just go away and leave me alone," she
replied to me.



******************************************************************************************************************



I was so confused, that kiss felt so real so it but I why I had too many un
answered questions then I had this beautiful girl in front of me big brown
lively eyes, light brown skin full pink lips, when I looked at her lips I
was tempted to kiss her again, like she was reading my mind she stepped
forward backing me to the wall, put her hands around my waist and pulled me
into her, I looked up at her and she just bent down and kissed first really
lightly, then she pushed her tongue in my mouth moving it in and out and
massaging it with my tongues, then I felt her hand go down to my ass and it
felt so good that I let out a moan into her mouth, she ran her fingers up
and down my back, then she pulled away.

  "You still confused," she said smiling down at me.

  "Yes, look let get off me so I can think okay, I can't think properly
when you're around me," I said to her pulling her hand of me and moving out
of her grasp. "Look I think we should just not like, see each other or be
around each other for a while okay, so that means no touching me looking at
me like you seeing me naked..... LIKE NOW, you have that look in your eyes
just stop that okay and umm not associating basically okay," I said to her,
she looked really hurt but I knew what I was doing, and I was not ready to
put myself out there to be emotionally hurt, cause that is what happens
when you get into these things.

  "I can't do that, I just can't leave you alone, you're like..... Heroin,
I'm addicted to you," she said to me.

  "Well un-addict yourself okay because until then we can't be friends
okay," I said to her.

   "I don't wanna be your friend," she said.

   "Then WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!" I yelled at her, first she saying she
wanna be friends now she doesn't, she was driving me crazy.

  "I wanna be more than friends," she said, it was amazing how calm she was
acting; I mean normally she would try beating the shit out of me.

   "It's not happening baby, I'm okay with putting myself out there for
being physically hurt, it's a thrill, but emotionally is a game I'm just
not ready play," I told her.

    "I won't hurt you," she said stepping up to me over the personal space
line. "I'd never hurt you, you've all I've wanted, so stop tripping and
gimme a chance just one chance and if I fuck thing up I'll let you beat the
shit out of me and I'll never bother you again," she said hugging me. Well
she had me there she had such amazing charm it was hard to say no.

   "Okay," I said.

   "Okay. OKAY! Yes, yes, yes," she said hugging me and swing me in the
air.





  "See you later mom, go to therapy okay," I yelled as I ran out the
house. As I got out and ran down the stairs there Charlene was waiting for
me in her car I got in and kissed her quickly, and she smiled real
sweet. "Stop grinning like an idiot and drive girl," I laughed. She laughed
and drove off. We walked into school together but I would not let her hold
my hand.

   "I've been waiting for you, girls!" Shana commanded as we walked down
the hall and about 10 girls I had never seen before surrounded me and
Charlene, one of them dragged me and threw me out the circle in front of
Shana. Charlene tried to grab me but was held back by the ten very hench
chicks.

  "Oh so what you goin do, or achieve by this," I said to her, scared like
fuck but didn't let it show in my voice.

  "Just a lil revenge," Shana laughed, I looked back at Charlene who was
struggling with the ten girls but to no avail, I was on my own, I tried to
run past Shana, but she grabbed me by my shirt and threw me into the
locker, I felt a sharp pain run through my body as I hit the locker and
then the floor.

   "OH FUCK, SHANA I SWEAR I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS LIKE FUCK WHEN I CATCH
YOU," I heard Charlene yell. "Baby get up and run or do something," I heard
her say to me. I got up quickly and dusted myself off.

   "Ouch," I said in a sarcastic tone.

   "Oh that was nothing, that was just the pre-warm up," she said and the
first thing that came to mind was.... OH, oh. I tried to run but she kept
blocking me and pushing me, there was only one more thing I could do, I ran
up top her and smashed my head into her stomach, she flew back and I ran
past, rubbing my head.

   "That's right baby you go girl," I heard Charlene yell in the distance,
I heard a buck load of steps after my own looking back I saw Shana, her
Entourage and Charlene right at the back knocking them of like blocks, then
all of a sudden I felt a weak hand grab me as I turned the corner. I was
inside a locker, it was lil ma (that's what I called her) she put a finger
to her lip and we watched as Shana ran past, I hugged her and she hugged me
back putting her arms round my waist, then I felt the locker wedge open
sharply and saw Charlene who looked confused with me in this little girls
arms. I let go of her quickly and jumped on Charlene resting my head in her
neck.

  "Baby, I was scared," I whispered in her ear.

  "I know so was I," she said kissing me.

  "See you later Ma, don't forget I got your back just like you had mine,"
lil ma said to me walking off.

  "Bye lil ma, thank you," I said after her, she just turned and gave me a
sad smile real sweet. When she walked round the corner, Charlene switched.

  "What was that?" she said in a harsh tone pointing to the locker and then
to the directions lil ma had just gone.

  "What you mean what was that? Don't be acting a fool I am so not in the
mood okay, she had my back and I was scared and you couldn't help me so
don't ask me what was that," I said realising what she was angry
about. "Man Fuck you Charlene," I said storming off., she was such a
jealous idiot. I got to history and sat down, actually planning on paying
attention. The Charlene walked in; I looked at her as she stood tall, in
her long baggy denim pants and a t-shirt that said Brooklyn in big graffiti
writing. She looked in my direction but I just looked away. She sat next to
me and I could practically feel the heat radiating of her body. She passed
me a note.



    "You look so sexy when you mad you know that,

     I just wanna take you to my room and make you

     Scream my name," it said.

I swear my mouth almost dropped on to the table, I was flushed she was a
freak, I like, however I knew this tactic, so I screwed up the paper up and
threw it in the trash can. I didn't look at her. I was definitely not
breaking up with her cause she already had a hold on me, but I was mad at
her, I mean she thought something was going on between me and lil ma, which
mean she don't trust me.

   "Miss Dwayne I could've sworn you had legs don't throw things across my
classroom," Miss Callaway, half yelled at me which I did not appreciate.

   "Oh you mean like this," I said getting up and walking out the
classroom, I sighed knowing that was stupid but whatever, I was waking
away.

   "Dwa.. Jay-Dean get here man," I turned and saw Charlene reaching for me
with her arms, I looked at her but I didn't want to go there so I carried
on walking, I went to the oak on the school grounds, and saw lil ma sitting
there with a book in her hands.

   "Lil ma what up, aint this a coincidence I'd think your stalking me," I
said laughing.

   "Nope, but I have come to think of you as my big sister," she said
getting up and hugging me around the waist, I hugged her back.

   "And you're my lil sister too," I said smiling and kissing her on the
head as she was shorter.

   "Ahem," I turned and saw Charlene. Lil ma let go of me and looked at
Charlene and got scared.

   "No she's not like that," I said smiling at that because a few weeks
back she had been like that. "And since you're my lil sis you need to get
you're ass back in class," I said to her in the sternest voice class I
could muster. "Iyt ma, I'll walk you home after school, if that's okay,"
she said smiling sweetly.

  "Nope, I'll walk you home okay now go," she smiled and rushed off.

  "Baby...

  "Don't Charlene okay, I came here for peace iyt," I said sitting down and
leaning against the tree.

  "I no but you can't keep walking out of class man you're gonna end up
repeating the year, I don't even know how you got this far," she said to
me. I let out a sigh and threw her a bird. "Man stop being a child men,"
she further.

  "You're not my mom okay, so stop mothering me, I get round, so if you
wanna lecture me walk away, I said standing up," and looking up at her. She
wrapped her arms round my waist and pulled me close, it felt different from
when lil ma did it, it felt so much stronger and electricity soared through
my body affecting my down south.

  "You feel that," she said pulling my head against her chest and resting
her head on the top mine. "I'm crazy about you like crazy, I don't know how
you affect me this way, and I care about you so no I'm not you're mom but I
am someone who cares okay," she whispered.

   "Okay," I said back it was like she had me in a trance as she ran her
hands up and down my spine.

  "I wanna make love to you, I wanna you naked under me begging for me to
make you cum do you want it too," she whispered in my ear.

  "I want it bad," I said all flustered her word had got me real hot.

  "I knew you did so why you trippin man, and why you wasting time, can I
take you home after school," she asked. I pushed her off me.

  "See there you go, do that thing you do, using your erotic charm to get
your way but the answer is no I'm walking lil ma home after school," I said
remembering lil ma (Connie)

  "Oh yeah I forgot about that lil chick," she said smiling. "I'll walk
with you guys if you want," she said.

  "No you won't," I won't be able to concentrate, and talking about
concentrating you can't sit next to me in any of our classes okay," I said
to her. Then she looked at me in her funny way again like I was the only
person in the world and like she was undressing me with her eyes. "If you
wanna taste promise you'll do what I want you to," I said seductively.

  "mmhmm I promise, her eyes looking hazy, her hand reached out to me and I
took them smiling knowing I had some kind of power over her. She pulled me
into her and before she kissed she ran her hand down my front lingering
over the top of my breast which made me gasp as she kissed me softly at
first then harder backing me into the tree then running her tongue along my
mouth then kissing down my neck, she bit down making me moan loud and then
sucked real hard, I didn't know what she was doing then, she moved back up
to my lips, and kissed me softly and running her hands on the inside of my
thigh, I was shivering because of how good she was, then she stepped back,
and I wanted her close to me again it was jus so crazy, so I reached out
for her, but she shook her head in a negative way.

  "Why not," I said still breathing hard.

  "You don't know what you do to me," she said getting that look in her
eyes like she was undressing me with them.

  "You don't know what you're doing to me by not coming here," I said back,
and she smiled.

  "Nope we've got class," she said to me.

  "huh?" I asked confused.

  "Chemistry," she said.

  "Oh, umm I take it back I want you close," I said to her knowing I'd die
if she was way too far away.

  "Yeah I knew you would come on let's go baby before I take you here on
the grass, and get thrown in jail," she laughed grabbing my still
outstretched hands.

   Before going to chemistry, I rushed to the bathroom to cool of and
looked in the mirror and so a huge circle on my neck, a hickey, A HICKEY,
Charlene was so gonna get it later I thought to myself smiling, before
rushing off to chemistry. "Okay, were going to be pairing you guys with lab
partners so get with the program and get in pairs," Mr D said, as we all
sat down. I paired with Charlene and we got some weird looks, because we
were both known as cat and dog, we ignored it and sat together. I was
writing down the notes and I was actually getting it for once I was getting
the whole atomic structure and all that stuff, then my line of
concentration was cut off, when she put her hands on my thigh.

  "Don't," I whispered hard at her. She just gave me a real innocent look,
but didn't take her hand off, I went back to writing then I felt her hand
go higher, and it was over, I couldn't write or concentrate with her hand
on my thigh. "Get the fuck off, don't make me regret being your lab
partner," I growled in a low voice.

  "Hey I don't see you moving to move my hand," she said smiling. She had
me there but I was a strong headed girl so I came up with an excellent
plan.

  "Hey shawty will you swap seats with me," I said smiling at the girl in
front of me she nodded shyly and we switched seat, I turned and looked at
my new lab partner, she was a cute red head, I smiled at her and she smiled
seductively at me..... I was thinking bad idea, Charlene was gonna
screw. After class and the taking on of the Keisha's advances the red head
chick and the evil looks from Charlene I got out of the class with a
headache and a short temper.

   "Why do you keep doing that to me, acting like you want me and then
flirting right in front of me," Charlene said to me in an angry.

   "Lil ma was'up iyt let's go," I said putting my arm round her shoulder
and walking off with her ignoring Charlene completely because she was
tripping, she saw how uncomfortable I was and she called that flirting, man
I was feeling like whatever.



So what going on with you and ZeeZee, did you do what I said," I asked her.

  "Yeah I got her alone in the room and talked to her, but I'm still scared
she said she wants to be friends, so were like friends now," she said
blushing.

  "Cool, I told you, see Dwayne knows was'up, so here we are, see you later
Connie come here and give yo big sis a hug," I said smiling at her, she
hugged me tight like she didn't wanna let go, I kissed her on the head and
let her go and went home real quick to see if I could catch my mom when she
was in a good mood and get some cash from her.

  I opened the door and found my momma on the floor crying I rushed to t
her side.

  "Momma what's wrong," I said to her. She grabbed me and hugged.

  "Baby I treat you like trash, how can you call me momma or still love me
the way you do," she sobbed on my shoulder.

  "Because you're my momma and yeah sometimes you do get a lil tipsy and
violent, but I know that's not you its just you're way of dealing with the
stress, I'm always love you no matter what, living with you has made me the
strong woman that I am," I said crying too.

  "Baby I'm going to try harder to be a better mother and try to get clean
real quick for you, get a job so we can move out of this dump," she said to
me, and I knew she meant it and finally things were looking better.



******************************************************************************************************************



  She was tripping and I was ended this shit, but I couldn't imagine life
without her, but if she was gonna play me like that I had to end it. I sat
on my bed crying to myself wishing things were a lot simpler I was gonna
sort it out now.

  I drove to her crib my mind racing what was I gonna say what if I walked
on a scene like before. I rushed up the stairs and knocked on her door
which was actually closed, her mom came and opened the door smiling she
looked different, cleaner, her hair curly and touching her shoulder and I
could tell she was actually mixed race, so that's where, Dwayne got her
light skin from.

  "Hey, Mrs Dwayne I'm Charlene, I came to see Dwa.. I mean Jay-Dean," I
said in a polite voice.

  "Honey someone's at the door, Charlene or something," she yelled into the
house. Jay-Dean came to the door, with a blank look on her face, she
motioned for me to come in, her house smelt good, we stepped into the room
where the show down had happened and it looked good real cosy.

  "Look, you're acting crazy, flirting in front of me like that, then
ignoring me so, I think this shit aint going last so I think we should go
our separate ways," I said, she looked so shocked and hurt, it hurt me to
see her like this.

  "You know what whatever, I aint acting crazy I wasn't flirting with her
she was hitting on me and I was nervous and uncomfortable bout the
situation, my eyes are only on you but you're trippin and not trust me so
whatever, get the fuck out my house and don't talk to me again okay," she
yelled at me.

  "Don't yell at me," I yelled at her.

  "My house, my rules I can yell when I wanna, you're so stupid, you're
acting like a jealous girlfriend and I don't even know why, it's like
you're looking for a reason to end it, well fine as you wish and get out
and, and don't speak to me, this lasted real long," she said muttering the
last bit under her breath.

  "Is everything alright honey," her mom said popping her head in through
the door.

  "Yeah momma it's cool, Charlene was just leaving," she said walking out
past her mom and stomping up the stairs and slamming the door, when the
door slammed her mom turned to me all evils.

  "Look I don't know who you are, you make my daughter happy then you make
her sad it's like you're a fucking bomb, now you go upstairs and make her
happy or I'm gonna kick your ass, I'm just 31 I cant do that," she growled
at me, and I ran out the house it wasn't my job to make her happy, and I
was real stupid I just ended something I waited so long to start why wasn't
I thinking straight, why do I have to go blow things out of proportions. I
ran back to her house her door was still open and I bumped into her mom. "I
knew you would make the right decision," she said smiling. I walked slowly
up the stairs, it creaked a lot, there was only 2 doors and one was
partially open I looked in and it was empty, it was a mess though, I walked
towards the other door and pushed it open, I was taken back by the colour
there were posters of all kinds of rap legends.

  "Umm Jay-Dean, I'm sorry, I'm stupid and I was wrong to say and treat you
like that," I said to the lump under the cover.

  "Damn straight," I heard her muffled voice say from under the
covers. "Carry on," she said.

  "Well, I wanna be with you and I feel you wanna be with me too let me
know if I'm wrong, girl you're like the star to my burst," I said giggling.

  "That lines old, but thank you," she said climbing out from under her
covers.

  "Yeah well classics are always the best," I said feeling smart as she
stood up. "So are you still mine," I said smiling wrapping my hands round
her waist.

  "Hmm I don't know, why don't you convince me and I'll tell you of it's
good," she said smiling at me, her smile was like electric.

  "Yeah I think I can do that pretty lady," I said bending down to kiss
her, and talk about crazy electric, her lips were soft, full and ready, I
kissed her slow then things began to heat up.



******************************************************************************************************************************************



I totally believed I was going crazy, the way she made me feel was
unnatural the way she worked her tongue was professional. Her hand slowly
crept up my top then the door swung open.

  "Whoops sorry, you guys need anything.... a condom perhaps..... Wait you
guys don't need one," I could not believe my mom I could have killed
her. "Anyway, I'm going I got a job interview you guys don't do anything I
wouldn't do, or would do," she said laughing and walking off. Charlene and
I stared at each other before bussing out laughing.

  "You got some crazy funny mom, when she's not wasted," she said to me.

  "Yeah I no, we've been working on the alcohol thing and I believe she's
changed," I told her in all sincerity.

  "Yeah I believe so too if you do, can we get back to was doing cause I'm
getting withdrawal symptoms," she giggled and with than I pushed her down
on the bed and climbed on top of her like them girls do in the movies. She
pulled my head down and French kissed me her tongue running miles in my
mouth, and moans started escaping my mouth like there were leaking and I
couldn't stop then I felt her hand run down my back and grab my ass, it
felt good and so right. Kissing her was like writing music and I knew
having sex with her would be making music. "Make love to me," I whispered
in her ear. She turned me on my back so she was on top and looked at me.



*********************************************************

*********************************************************



I wasn't sure if I had heard her right, did she just say what I think she
said, was my dreams gonna become a reality.

  "What?" I stupidly said.

  "Let's do it we both want it" she said to me.

  "Don't you wanna think about this, you know I can wait forever, wait
scratch the forever, but I can wait as long as you want," I said, because I
didn't want any regrets if this went down.

  "You don't have to wait I want you now," she said to me, and pulled my
head down to kiss her. This wasn't right I didn't want her to make a
mistake. I didn't wanna make a mistake either. I ended the kiss and got off
her. I saw the disappointment in her eyes but I had to be sure there wasn't
anymore room for mistakes.

   "I can't do this we have to be sure, and right now I'm not sure," I told
her.

   "I understand," she replied sitting up and pulling her knees to her
chest and hugging them. Then I knew what she was thinking.

   "Oh no baby, trust me it's not you, you are beautiful in every single
way and making love to you appeals to me in every single way but we've got
to get to know each other better," I said to her.

   "Yeah you're right," she said again but this time a little more
enthusiastically. I took her hands and pulled her off the bed.

   "So you wanna go to the movies Friday night," I asked her smiling cause
it was going to be our official first date.

   "Yeah sure," she said smiling before leaning to kiss me gently on the
lips.

   "Well baby I gotta go before I change my mind about putting you to bed
because looking so damn sexy with that smile AND in the jeans," I told her
smiling. She giggled and kissed me one more time before she walked me to
the door as we got there and opened it there was a man there with his hand
up like he was in motion to knock on the door.

   "Daddy," she whispered in a cracked voice. I just stood there like fuck
here I am again wrong place at the wrong time.