Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2001 12:46:24 EST
From: Thinknldy1@aol.com
Subject: The Road Home
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I said, "You know we could just
stay here I wouldn't care."
"You have to do this, no, we have to do this." Responded Kate.
"I know I just don't want to be there when it all comes out into the
open," I sighed, "but I guess I've postponed it long enough already."
"Then move your butt so when can get going," laughed Kate.
* * *
Kate and I are heading to my hometown to spend Christmas with my
family. Some of my cousins have known about my alternative lifestyle for
years, but most of the family, including my parents, has no idea. We have
been together for almost 4 years now. One year ago we bought a house
together. I am a successful architect and Kate is a very talented artist.
After meeting each other in Champaign, we moved to Chicago for better jobs.
We have spent every other holiday that we have been together with Kate's
family, who are all supportive of Kate. I like them better than my own
family. I have finally gotten enough courage to come out to my family, I
always figured when I found the person I would spend the rest of my life with
that I would introduce that person then. But it wasn't as easy as I expected.
I am very open to everyone around me, not announcing it but not hiding it
either, both of us are, but even though I am not very close to my parents I
find it incredibly hard to share such a wonderful woman that I love very much
with them.
* * *
The three-hour trip to Decatur seemed like three minutes to me, I
couldn't relax which is something that usually comes easily to me. Kate tried
to comfort and reassure me that it wouldn't be that bad, but I couldn't stop
worrying.
"Well we're here," said Kate, "Would you like to go straight to
Leslie's?"
"Yes, I need to relax before I give myself a heart-attack," I laughed.
We pulled into Leslie's driveway and Clayton, Leslies 15 year-old
stepson, met us on the porch. He hugged both of us then asked, "How was your
trip?"
"It flew by," replied Kate as she got our bags from the trunk.
As we settled in at Leslie's, I began to relax a little, being able to
be in our usual environment where we don't have to worry about hiding
anything. I had not been with my family at Christmas for almost seven years,
though I had spent a lot of time with my cousins, Leslie, Brandy, and Kevin.
They all get along with Kate very well and as far as I know like her a lot.
Getting into bed that night Kate said, "Babe it may not be as bad as you
think. They might accept us like your cousins have...you never know."
"I hope you're right," I laughed at myself, "I don't even care what
they think I just hate confrontation, I don't want to argue or have to
justify my life... that's what I'm scared of."
"Well if they do have a problem we can just leave... I'm here for you,
we are in this together," Kate said as she turned toward me.
"Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you darling."
"And you'll never have to find out, babe," smiled Kate as she enclosed
her lips over mine. I wrapped my arms around Kate's smooth body and pulled
her closer. Kate always knew how to take my mind off of something I was
worrying about. As we got more into it I pulled back, "As much as I would
love to love you I cant do it here, not with my cousin in the other room."
"I know," said Kate with disappointment, "I just wanted to give you
one hell of a good night kiss."
Wrapped in each other's arms we fell asleep and for a while, let all
our worries wash away.
* * *
The next morning, Christmas morning, I woke up still wrapped in Kate's
arms. I loved waking up wrapped in Kate's arms it made me feel safe. Kate
stirred, "Morning babe, are you ready to get the day started?"
"I'm ready to get the day over with," I said turning towards Kate. We
kissed each other thoroughly exploring one another's mouth. "Cant we just
stay here all day?" I said snuggling into the curves of Kate's body. "As much
as I would enjoy that, you know we have get up," said Kate encouragingly.
"Alright lets get it over with," I sighed.
After showering and getting ready for the day, Kate and I joined Leslie,
Aaron, and Clayton in the car to go to my aunts for the first part of
Christmas. On the way I was sitting between Kate and Leslie. Leslie put her
hand on my shoulder and said, "Are you going to make it?"
"Yes I think so, I hope so."
"We'll make it, it will be over before you know it," said Kate as she
put her arm around me. I covered her hand and squeezed, "Thank you."
We pulled into my aunt's driveway; it looked more like a parking lot
than a driveway. This is it I thought, it's now or never. As we got out of
the car, Kate took my hand and squeezed it, "It's going to work out fine,
just relax and be yourself. They can accept us or they can disown us either
way you still have me."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Walking into the house, seeing so many family members for the first
time in almost seven years, I almost enjoyed it for a moment, and then I
remembered why I had stayed away for so long. My aunt came up to me first, we
hugged and I introduced Kate. We aren't planning on announcing that Kate and
I are lovers; but we aren't going to act any differently either. As usual
most of the men were watching football and most of the women were in the
kitchen. And of course the kids were running around everywhere. Kate and I
walked into the dining room and got some breakfast, saying our hellos along
the way. We took our breakfast into the computer room and sat down and
started to eat. After getting their food, Kevin and Brandy joined us.
"So how are you doing?" asked Brandy.
"We are doing good, Leah is a little nerve racked about today but
other than that we have been wonderful," said Kate.
"Don't worry, be happy, it will be all right," Kevin said as he went
back for more food.
As the kids all ran to the living room at the same time, I said,
"Looks like it's present time." We got up, threw our plates away, and
proceeded into the living room with the rest of the family. Kate and I sat
down on the couch and watched as the kids opened their gifts excitedly. As
they opened a gift from us they yelled, "Thank you, Leah." I looked at Kate,
"I guess putting 'From Leah and Kate' doesn't make any difference."
"That's alright I don't expect them to understand or accept me just
yet. Except for Leslie and Kevin's kids, I'm still a stranger to them,"
Smiled Kate.
The gift unwrapping was finished and the mess was cleaned up so it was
time to part until later for Christmas dinner.
* * *
We arrived back a Leslies and ran inside as fast as we could because
it was getting colder and colder. Kate and I shed our coats and gloves and
got comfortable on the couch. Aaron put a movie in and they sat around the
T.V. to watch. Not too long after the movie started I fell asleep in the
comfort of Kate's wonderful arms.
"Hey beautiful, its time to get up," said Kate as she tried to wake me
up.
"How long have I been sleeping?"
"About 3 hours, Leslie, Aaron, and Clayton already left for your
aunts."
"So I guess that means we have to get going," I said as I moved so I
was on top of Kate. She kissed me, "Yup, no time to play we've got to get
going." We got up, straightened ourselves out and got bundled up. We got on
our way and in minutes we were back at my aunts. Kate parked the car, turned
the engine off, and turned to me. She took my face into her hands, pulled me
closer, gently kissed me on the lips, "Are you ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
We got out of the car and again ran into the house. They were just
sitting down to eat when we got there, so it was kind of perfect timing.
Walking into the dining room we grabbed a plate and proceeded to get some
food. Leslie saved us seats that were surrounded by herself, Kevin, and
Brandy. I thanked her as we sat down and began to eat. Dinner was going
smoothly for a while, we were talking with Leslie and Brandy when my Aunt
Peggy said, "So Kate, how do you and Leah know each other?"
"We met at the U of I four years ago," said Kate
"So you live in Champaign then." Said my Aunt Sue.
"No, actually I live in Chicago with Leah."
As this conversation started I felt a lump in my throat I really
wanted to just run out of there.
"You and Leah live in the same house," said Peggy in more of a
question than a statement.
"Kate and I bought our house about a year ago," I said in sort of an
angry tone.
"What if one of you finds a man to marry, who is going to keep the
house?" said my step-dad
"We pretty much know there isn't any chance of that. I'd be pretty mad
if Kate left me for anyone but I'd be outraged if she left me for a man." As
I said that I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth,
I'd never been that brave around my family before.
Leslie, Aaron, Kevin, and Brandy laughed after I said that. The looks
on the faces of the rest of the family were priceless. I thought for a moment
that it was almost worth it.
"You mean you and Kate are...you're gay!" screeched my mother.
"Yes, we are lesbians," Kate replied.
"That's disgusting," shouted my step-dad.
Outraged I stood up, Kate took my hand, and I said, "It is not
disgusting to love someone as wonderful as Kate. I love her, she loves me,
we love each other what else matters?"
"It's not right, it's immoral, its gross," shouted my step-dad.
"Let's go," I said to Kate, "How about lunch tomorrow at noon at
Taters?" I said to Kevin, Brandy, and Leslie. They all nodded and Kate and I
walked to the back door. As we were putting our coats on, my cousin Laurie
came up to me hugged me, "Can I come to lunch, also?"
"Of course," I smiled and hugged her. She gave me another squeeze and
whispered in my ear, "Hang in there, kiddo."
We got into the car, Kate took my hand, looked me in the eyes, "Are
you ok?"
"Yes, I'm mad, but I am alright."
"Good."
"At least we got to finish eating first," I laughed.
She smiled at me and started the car.
* * *
Walking back into Leslie's house, Kate took my hand, "How about a
shower?"
"Sounds perfect."
She led me by the hand to the bathroom, after closing the door behind
me she pushed me up against the door and connected her warm, moist lips to
mine. Pushing her leg in between my thighs, she unbuttoned my shirt. Dropping
my shirt onto the floor she led her hands behind my back to let my breasts
free. She then, kissed me so gently on the lips I thought I would melt. I
opened my mouth to let her explore more, our tongues met and wrestled with
each other. Breaking the kiss, she planted gentle kisses down my neck, to my
shoulders, down to my breasts. Concentrating on one nipple with her mouth and
one nipple with her fingers, she nearly made me orgasm. After torturing me
enough she bent down and unzipped my pants, let them fall and did the same
with my panties.
"You have way too much on, sweetie." I said as I went for the bottom
of her shirt.
She smiled and helped me get her clothes off.
After we both were completely naked, she turned and went to turn the
shower on. As she came back to me, I studied her curves for the thousandth
time. Taking her into my arms I kissed her hungrily, savoring every moment.
She kissed her way down to my soaking wet center, looked up at me, and
pressed her face into my awaiting sex. Sucking, licking, biting she brought
me to pure ecstasy. I came for so long, I was worried I might drown her. I
fell into her arms as my climax began to subside. I kissed her, "God I love
you."
"I love you too, beautiful, now lets get you cleaned up." I agreed,
not having much energy to do much else.
We bathed each other, washed each other's hair and dried each other
off. As she wrapped me up in a towel, I looked at us in the mirror, "How
could anyone call this disgusting?"
"They are scared of anything that is different, don't worry about
them."
We put our pajamas on and climbed into bed. Snuggling against Kate's
warm body, I felt wonderful, I felt right. She brushed my cheek with her
hand, "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have you. About how wonderful,
beautiful, sexy, and talented you are."
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"I'm thinking about how much I love you and how lucky I am to have a
family that is so supportive."
"Well maybe they will come around," I said trying to sound realistic.
We fell asleep in the comfort of each other's arms. Falling into a
world where you could be who you are born to be and not have anybody question
you.
* * *
As I began to wake up the next morning, I went through what happened
yesterday. It was painful, but not as painful as I had expected. Kate stirred
for a moment, then went back to sleep with her arms still around me. My
stomach suddenly informed me that it needed food; I got up as slowly as I
could so I didn't disturb Kate's sleep. She shifted a bit but stayed asleep.
I watched her lying there as peaceful as can be, she looked so beautiful, I
wanted to stay in this moment forever.
A noise from another room startled me, so I made my way towards the
kitchen. Leslie was sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Leslie asked.
"No, my stomach did," I said smiling.
"So how did you sleep?"
"Pretty well," I said as I got a bowl from the cabinet.
She handed me the cereal, "Well, how are feeling about yesterday, are
you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm alright, the more I think about it, it doesn't really
matter to me how they feel. I love Kate, we have a good life together and
that's all that matters. I just didn't want to deal with the confrontation,
but that's nothing new."
She smiled, finished off her cereal, and went back to bed. I read the
paper and filled my hungry stomach, then headed back to join Kate in bed.
As I climbed back into bed, Kate turned towards me, opened her eyes
and groggily said, "Where have you been?" then wrapped her arms around me and
pulled me closer. "I had to eat something," I told her as I pressed my lips
into hers for a quick kiss. She smiled, kissed me again, and we both went
back to sleep in the comfort of each other's arms.
Both of us woke up around nine-thirty, took showers and got dressed
for the day. As Kate was putting on her make-up, something that I find
pointless because she's beautiful without it, I joined Clayton in the living
room. "Some Christmas dinner," he said. I walked up to him, ruffled his hair,
and sat down next to him on the couch.
"It certainly was different," I said smiling.
"So, are you alright?" he asked.
"I think I'll live," I said as Kate came in a joined us.
"Did you have a good Christmas, Clayton?" asked Kate as she sat on the
other side of me.
"Yes, I got a lot of good presents, thank you for the money by the
way, that was the best present," he said smiling.
"That's what I always wished I had gotten, so I figured you'd like it.
This way you can get something you really want." I said as Leslie and Aaron
joined us. We sat there and watched a movie until it was time to go to lunch.
Leslie, Kate, and I bundled up and headed off to Taters. We walked in
the entrance to Taters and Kevin, Brandy, and Laurie were already there
waiting for us. The hostess led us to a table and we ordered drinks.
We sat there in silence for a while, until Laurie broke it with an
anticipated question.
"So, how long have you known...that you're gay?"
"Wow, well I guess since I was seventeen or around that age. I had a
girlfriend in high school. I'm sorry that's how you had to find out. I
honestly didn't know how you'd react because I know you're very religious and
I really don't know you all that well. Leslie and Brandy have known for a
long time, and since Kevin lives so close to Kate and I we spend tons of time
together so he'd have to be pretty stupid not to know."
"Well I understand why you didn't tell me, I wish you could have, but
I understand. It must be so difficult not knowing who you can trust."
"It is at the beginning but after a while you just don't care
anymore." Kate added.
"We don't ever walk into a room and announce that we're lovers. That
is silly to us, we mostly just let people figure it out and go from there.
Because it's normal to us so we don't see a reason we have to tell people
what we do in private." Kate said trying to explain a little.
"So anyway, how did the rest of dinner go?" I asked curiously.
"After you left, some were stuck in shock, some were disgusted, and
some didn't care either way," said Leslie as the waitress came for our
orders.
We ordered our food, got some refills on our drinks and continued the
conversation.
"Grandma was defending you to your mother, Brian (step-dad), my mom,
Pam and Mike, and Judy," said Kevin.
"Those are the people I expected to be shocked. I knew Grandma would
be ok with it."
"Brian was horrible, he just kept saying how disgusting and wrong it
is and no matter what any of us would say he wouldn't shut-up," said Brandy
as she took a drink.
"That's why I haven't said anything to my parents, and why I haven't
seen them in so long. I didn't want to see them and have to hide that Kate is
part of my life I had no clue how my mom would react, but I knew if I told
her, she would tell Brian and I didn't want to deal with him."
"I thought your mom would be fine with it; she acted almost as bad as
Brian. I was shocked at how she reacted, I couldn't believe she was being so
cruel." Said Leslie as both Kevin and Brandy agreed.
"I am seeing how lucky I am to have a family that has been so
supportive since the day I came out to them," said Kate as she put her arm
around me and pulled me into a half hug.
"Yeah, Kate's mom bought me an 'I'm not gay but my girlfriend is'
t-shirt. Her whole family is completely comfortable with us."
"Which is how it should be." Added Laurie.
"In a perfect world." Laughed Kate.
Just then our food came. We ate and talked about other things, mostly
about each other's lives. After our plates were cleared and we all got
another drink we approached the subject of last nights dinner again.
"So are you going to go see your mom before you guys leave?" asked
Brandy.
Kate looked at me and I shrugged, "I don't know at first I figured if
she wanted to talk she could call me at Leslies. But Kate mentioned that if I
approach her, she might get over her prejudices faster."
"I haven't really talked to my mom for a very long time so I don't
know if it will make any difference now. But Kate and I are thinking about
maybe starting a family, and I want my mom to be involved with our kids if
she can get over me being a lesbian."
"You're thinking of having kids...how?" said all four of them in
unison.
"We don't know yet we are just starting to talk about it. It will be
another couple of years but we want to be ready for any obstacles." I said as
I grabbed Kate's hand and held it tight.
"Hon, its almost two. We should get going soon." Said Kate.
"We are going to see Grandma, then we're going to have dinner with my
friend Danny and his partner Jack." I said explaining why we had to get
going.
"How long will you guys be here?" Asked Laurie.
"We both have to get back to work soon, so we will probably leave
tomorrow afternoon."
As I said that the waitress brought our check and we all fought about who
was going to pay. I finally convinced them to let me pay but it took some
time. We got to the entrance, bundled up, and walked outside to our cars. I
hugged them all goodbye and told Laurie to come and visit us sometime.
Leslie, Kate, and I got into the car and headed back to Leslies to drop her
off. We pulled into my Grandmas driveway around two-thirty.
"So do you think we should go see my mom before we leave?" I asked as I
was getting out of the car.
"I don't think it would hurt any."
We walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. After about five minutes
my Grandma opened the door and let us inside. We both hugged her and sat down
on the couch.
"Well you two certainly made it an interesting Christmas."
"We try." I said smiling at her.
"So give us the blow by blow after we left."
"Nothing interesting just a bunch of ignorant people talking about things
they don't know a thing about," Grandma said angrily.
"Well maybe you can help us Grandma, I don't know if we should go see my
parents or if we should just leave them alone and let them come to us."
"I think if you wait for them, you'll be waiting a long time. The best
thing to do is confront them and tell them how it's going to be if they can
get over it."
"That makes sense. Thanks, Grandma."
We sat there for another two hours talking about other things. My grandma
is cool but she can talk and talk. Finally Kate managed to get us out by
telling her we had to meet someone, which is the truth.
* * *
Sitting down at dinner with Danny and Jack was the first time I was
completely relaxed and having fun since we got to Decatur.
"So I gather you had an exciting Christmas." Said Danny.
"It was interesting," Kate responded.
"How'd it go with your parents, Leah?" asked Jack.
"About as bad as can be expected."
"Want me to beat them up?" asked Danny smiling.
"Lets just talk about something else guys. I'm really tired of talking
about my ignorant family," I said trying to smile.
Dinner came and went, we talked and talked about each other's lives, and
Danny and I reminisced about when we were younger. We went back to Danny and
Jack's place and went in for coffee. Danny is my favorite person in the world
besides Kate of course and I love to spend time with him. If we were straight
we'd be the perfect match. We ended up staying there until around three in
the morning, only leaving because Kate and I had to get some sleep before we
headed back to Chicago. We said our good-byes and made our way back to
Leslie's.
Running into Leslie's and trying to be as quiet as possible I was
thinking how lucky I am to have to many friends and family that I care about.
And so what if my parents can't support my lifestyle I still have plenty of
other people that I care about.
We got into our pajamas and climbed into the warm bed. Both being too
tired to say anything we just pulled each other close and fell asleep in one
another's arms.
About eleven in the morning Leslie came in and woke us up.
"Leah, sorry to wake you but your mom and Brian are here."
"What? What in the hell are they doing here? I would say send them in but
I think they'd have a heart attack." I said laughing. "We'll be out in a
minute." She left closing the door behind her.
"Babe, hey wake up, my parents are here."
"Quit playing I'm tired."
"I wish I was joking but they really are here."
"Oh shit why are they here?"
"Your guess is as good as mine. Come on lets get this over with."
We got out of bed and got as far as the door. Kate stepped in front of me
put her arms around my waist and pulled me closer.
"Remember, no matter what happens I'm right here." With that she enclosed
her sweet lips to mine.
Breaking the kiss reluctantly, "Thank you sweetie, I love you."
"I love you more," she said opening the door.
Kate and I walked in the living room and sat down together in the big
chair. My mom and step-dad were sitting on the couch with angry looks on
their faces.
"So why are you here?" I asked.
"We wanted to make something clear before you leave." Said my mother.
"And that would be..." I responded.
"Your mother and I have been talking since the Christmas dinner and we
both feel that if this is the way you are going to live your life then we
want you to stay out of ours. And we would appreciate it if you would stay
away from Mark also. We love you but we cannot accept your lifestyle and we
want no part in supporting something so disgusting."
I looked at Kate then to my step-dad, "Well I'm sorry you feel that way,
but I am very happy and I will not throw away what I have with Kate for two
ignorant people. I am actually surprised at you, mom, I never expected you to
act this cruelly. And as far as staying away from Mark I think you have a
lost cause there because Mark has known about Kate since we first met and
they get along very well. Mark is twenty years old and I think he can decide
for himself who he spends time with."
They looked at me with what looked like surprised expressions. I think
they actually thought I would go along with they're demands.
I got up took Kate's hand and started walking back to the bedroom, "Now
if that's all you have to say I'm going to go back to bed with my
girlfriend."
They got up in an angry furry and stormed out. Leslie came out from the
kitchen with an expression of shock and came up to me and gave me a hug.
"I can't believe they acted like that. I'm so sorry I wish I could make
things better."
"You do plenty for me, as long as you're here for me that's all I can ask
for."
With that she let go of me and headed back to bed herself. Kate and I
went back into the bedroom and climbed into the bed.
She took me into her arms and hugged me tightly.
"I'm so sorry baby, do you want me to beat them up?"
"I'll be alright, its not like I've ever really counted on them to
support me. It does hurt but I'll live."
"I will be here and love you forever babe," Kate said loosening her grip
a bit.
"Same here now can we get some more sleep please."
"Anything for you, darling."
We fell asleep almost immediately and successfully slept for another
three hours.
*******************************
At two o'clock we got out of bed, showered, and got ready for the day.
Leslie made us a light lunch so that we could get on the road quicker. We
packed our bags said our goodbyes and got on the road by three-thirty.
"So do you want to talk about what happened with your parents?" Kate
questioned.
"I'm not sure there's much to talk about. They said what they wanted to
say and I told them to stuff it that's pretty much all that happened."
"You're parents basically disowned you and told you to stay away from
your brother, I think that is a pretty big event."
"Maybe you're right, I guess I'm not ready to talk about it yet." I said
smiling at her.
Three hours later we pulled into our driveway.
"Well we're home," Kate said trying to sound happy.
I grabbed our bags from the trunk and turned towards her, "Let's go
inside and get comfortable, I desperately need to relax."
Kate linked her arm with mine and we walked together into our home, where
we can be ourselves one hundred percent of the time.
Leah: Thinknldy1@aol.com