Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005 20:37:04 +0000
From: teabs13@hotmail.com
Subject: Autumn Leaves Part 2

This is part 2 of autumn leaves. It is a bit different and non conclusive
but I am currently working on part 3 which will be up soon. I know it is
short but the next one will be much longer. Thank you for all of your
comments. Please keep them coming because it keeps me on the ball of
writing more. Thanks again and I hope you like it.



The suffocating confines of a plane sicken me. The tattered seats which lie
an inch too close to everything make me twitch. The small portal which
emits blinding light is the only sign of real life. Below me thousands of
houses and winding roads are the only true existence that I can see. Small
dots blur as my head spins.

The guy next to me is overly obese and is squeezing me in. I feel tense
like a caged animal. God I hate flying. The familiar beats blast through my
headphones and fill my mind with the slightest relief. My mind races as the
only thought that reoccurs is you.

	I left in a rush. The cab smelled of oranges and stale
cigarettes. It made me think of my grandmother. When I would visit she
would always tell me about life and how not to waste it. I never really
paid attention, just sat there and looked into space.

	The airport was stuffed with people all going somewhere. Endless
possibilities rise in my head. A man is pacing a bit in front of me. He is
staring intently at his watch. I wonder what he is late for or who he could
be waiting for. I look to my left and see a mother and daughter
laughing. They look happy and I am reminded of why I am here. I am
leaving. Going far away from anything I can call home.

	As we drew near to our destination my mind became blank. I forgot
why I was on the plane. I forgot why I left you there, in our apartment
sobbing in a crumpled ball on the floor. I forgot my life from the last
couple of weeks and I forgot to see where I was even going. I just paid for
a one way ticket to the west coast.  I sat there with all of my being and
tried to recall what was happening.

	The fog came in thick as we approached San Francisco. The plane was
close now and I was about to enter a new life.  A life unknown. A life
without you.

	I did what I always do when I fidget, turned up my music and closed
my eyes imagining I was with you. Back in our apartment, back to a life I
have now regretted to leave.

	A soft hand caresses my cheek and barely brushes up against my
lips. I open my eyes and see you smiling at me. You have the sweetest
smile. It's so genuine and perfect. It makes me feel so secure and warm. My
heart skips a beat when you come in close and brush up against me. I lower
my head in search of your perfect mouth and beautiful lips. I reach out to
touch you and grasp nothing. I open my eyes in panic and realize where I
am. The man next to me nudges and tells me we are about to land and to put
on my seat belt. I sigh knowing that my life has suddenly turned to shit. I
look down adjusting my belt when I notice that the open journal that I have
been scribbling in has a small damp spot. It is my first tear that I have
shed during this whole mess. I realize now that I have made a mistake. I
have fucked up a relationship so bad that I know it can not be fixed. I
walked away from the only girl who has ever truly loved me. The only girl
who gave her whole self to me and asked only one thing in return, my
love. I gave it to her. I gave her my soul. I gave her everything she
needed. I am not hers anymore; I have long ago destroyed that.

	I knew I lost something that day. It was not my love for Alex. It
was not my sanity. It was not my life. It was I. I flew away on that jet
plane to rid myself of the demons that kept me there. It was the best for
both of us. It was the best for me. I am not of selfish manor but I needed
to leave. I needed to get away from the hurt and pain that kept me there.

	As I arrive I call to a cab and jump in. This one does not remind
me of anything. No past will come to me anymore. I must start fresh and
learn to deal with my actions.