Date: Mon, 9 Apr 2001 02:00:56 -0400 (EDT)
From: Secret Dreamer <dreamsecret@poetic.com>
Subject: Fall Down and Smile - 15

I finally finished it!  Well, typed it up.  I'm sooooo sorry it
took me so long!  I'll try and get better at it and I'm REALLY
sorry I haven't been replying to e-mails.  I think my head is
still in England.  I'll really try to get better at that.

Oh, on my site, soon I'll have pictures of what my friend thinks
the characters of 'Fall Down and Smile' look like :D.  Those
should be up by Monday if not sooner.

Webpage : <http://envy.nu/poisonthorns>

E-mail : <dreamsecret@poetic.com>

Chapter 15
"If you could only see"
By: Secret Dreamer

About our love

	I shoved my way through the throng of people on the street
as I tried to make it to the restaurant.  I was meeting Jonathan
for lunch.  Finally, I found it and pushed inside.  Maybe
California was too busy for me.

	"Can I help you, miss?"

	I looked up at the waiter and spotted Jonathan.  "No.
Thanks, I just found my date."  I smiled at him and made my way
to Jonathan's table and sat across from him.  "Next time, I pick
the restaurant," I grumbled, taking off my sunglasses.

	He grinned and took a sip of his wine.  "How's my favorite
author today?"

	I snatched the menu from the waitress.  "Hungry," I growled
ordering a Dr. Pepper before she scooted away to retrieve it.

	He chuckled.  "Baby keeping you up already?"

	"Yes.  Every time she kicks, Dawn wakes up and then wakes
me up to tell me about it."

	"How often does she kick?"

	"Every hour, on the hour."

	"Yikes."

	"Tell me about it.  But anyway, how are things with Prince
Charming?"

	Jonathan's face completely changed from thoughtful to
positively goofy.  "Fabulous.  He's so wonderful, Iya.  You can't
even imagine.  This morning, he made me breakfast," he swooned.

	"I remember when Dawn made breakfast for me," I replied and
smiled shyly.  "Eggs and bagels."

	He grinned and took my hand across the table.  "We've found
a couple of good people, Iya."

	"I know, Jonathan.  I know."

*******

Happiness unraveled

	I sat next to Dawn in bed that night, reading 'The Bell
Jar'.  She was reading over some lines for the shoot tomorrow.

	I glanced over at Dawn as she sighed pathetically.  "What's
wrong, pookie?"

	"My character has sex with a guy tomorrow."

	"Oh."

	She put down the script and turned to me.  "Iya?  Would
life be different if we were straight?"

	I nodded.  "For one thing, you wouldn't be in this bed
touching my thigh."

	She blushed.  "I'm serious.  Would life be easier?"

	I put my book on the nightstand.  "Well, I know I'd be
positively miserable.  I wouldn't have dated Gretchen so I
wouldn't have met you.  Even as friends."

	She nodded and lay down on the pillow.  "You're right.  I
was just thinking."

	"About?"

	She fidgeted. "I talked to Lexy today.  She's engaged."

	"That's great!"

	She nodded.  "Mom and Dad are thrilled.  The only problem
is, they brought me into it."

	"What do you mean?"

	"You know, stuff like 'Why can't your sister find someone,
too?' or 'Dawn's never going to have kids if she doesn't get
married.'  But the thing is, I have found someone.  A wonderful
someone and a wonderful baby growing inside of me."

	I stroked her hair.  "You could always tell them."

	"Oh no!  No. No. Not yet.  Not until after Tali is born and
you have legal custody over her.  I'm afraid Mom'll try and take
her away," she sniffled and rubed her stomach.

	"Oh sweetie," I scooted down to her eye level.  "No one is
going to take her away, I promise."

	She nodded and giggled slightly.  "It's silly anyway.  They
may never speak to me again and they won't try and take Tali."

	"Good."

	She nodded and yawned.  "I guess I'm more tired than I
thought," she smiled and kissed me.  "Good night."

	"Good night," I reached over and shut off the bedside lamp.

*******

That's what you gotta do

	"Follow me everything is alright..." came through the
radio.  For someone unemployed, I was very happy.

	James was spending the day with Jonathan and Adam.  Dawn
was at the studio and Teddy and Kat were grocery shopping.  So I
had the whole house to myself, although I had told everyone I was
going to be editing and publisher hunting.

	But the sound of the door slamming caught me off guard.

	"Mama! Mama! Guess what!"  James yelled, running into the
room and jumping onto the couch.

	"You grew a third arm?"

	He giggled.  "Nooo. We found a house!"

	"You did?"

	He nodded wildly.  "It's on the beach!"

	Jonathan and Adam appeared, both beaming.  Jonathan handed
me a business card.  "We already called and set up an appointment
for tomorrow at 6:30 for you to see it."

	"I hope Dawn can make it."

	James jabbered on a mile a minute about how great it was.
From the sounds of it, it was a palace.

*******

And you got to take a little dirt

	We pulled up in front of the house the next day at 6:30.
James was bouncing in his seat from excitement.

	Dawn killed the engine and I helped James out of the car.
We each took one of his hands and walked up the stone pathway to
the front door.

	"It has an attached garage," I whispered.  "That's always a
good thing."

	She nodded as the door opened and a medium-sized, plump
woman stood in front of us.  She smiled genuinely.  "Come in!
Come in!"

	The inside was larger than the outside displayed.  We were
standing in the foyer.  To the right of us were the stairs and
under was a dining room perfect for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Off of the dining room was a nice room for studying.  There was a
large window that allowed lots of sunlight to enter the room.

To the left was the living room and off of it was a family
room with a fireplace and a window looking out over the ocean.

	We walked straight past the stairs leading upstairs to the
kitchen at the back.  It had to be 20 feet in length.  It was all
black, complete with dishwasher and a nice refrigerator.  There
was a window above the sink which looked out over the beach.

	Dawn and I checked through all the cabinets, raving at how
much space there was.

	"I could really cook in here," Dawn beamed.

	"I didn't know you cooked," I remarked.

	She giggled.  "Oh the things you still need to learn about
me."

	The realtor moved us to the right of the kitchen where a
mud room was.  That was where the washing machine attachments
were which made it perfect for rainy days.  As soon as you came
in, you could leave your clothes there and whatnot.

	"If you open up that door, it leads you to the garage," she
opened it to show us.  "Also, there's a small hallway.  Not very
large, mind you, but it has another door that leads to the
backyard so if you're little ones come in muddy they can leave
their things in the mud room and won't track it through the
house.  It's a much needed accessory especially with a house on
the beach."

	To the left of the kitchen, more like on the other side of
the counter, was the perfect spot for a breakfast table.  There
was a sliding glass door that led to a large deck.  From there,
you could go directly to the beach.

	And to the left of that was the family room, previously
noted.

	"Let's go upstairs, shall we?"  she led us back to the
foyer and to the stairs.

	At the top there was an inside balcony so you could look
into the living room and the dining room if you craned your neck.
Also, bedrooms were split.  To the left was the master bedroom.
It was everything I'd ever wanted in a bedroom.  Connected to it
was the master bathroom complete with shower and separate
bath/hot tub. There were also two separate sinks which would
quicken how much time we spent in there. The walk-in closet was
just as large as the bathroom.

	To the right of the stairs were three smaller bedrooms and
the bathroom.  The rooms were the same size but perfect for
James, Tali, and a guestroom. The two smaller rooms were on one
side and the larger one was next to the bathroom on the left side
of the hallway.  Next to it was the bathroom with a nice shower
and bathtub.

	The rest of the appointment was the formalities and the
basement and garage.

	When we left, James was beaming proudly at his choice.  As
we walked back to the car I noticed that the porch had a wrap-
around porch and a porch swing.

	Nothing could keep me from buying this house.  Except for
the price she'd given us.

	As we drove back to Teddy and Kat's house, we discussed how
we would afford it.

	"We don't have any money," I reminded Dawn.

	"I'm getting paid a lot of money for this movie.  It's not
10 million like Julia Roberts but $900,000 is nothing to sneeze
at."

	I sighed.  "I know that but you haven't been paid yet."

	"I have half of it.  We can use it to buy the house and we
can move in next week.  Hell, we can pay someone to move in all
our stuff."

	"Please, Mama!"  James pouted.

	He definitely knew which buttons to push.  "Alright.  I'll
call tomorrow and set up a time to sign papers and contracts."

	Dawn and James both squealed with delight.  At least we
would have our own place but I was uneasy about James being so
far away from us, bedroom wise.  I suppose he was old enough to
live down the hallway.  And he would come and get me if he needed
me.

	We arrived back at Teddy and Kat's.  They were supportive
and enthusiastic at the news.  I suspected they were relieved to
have their house back.

*******

And what I must do

	In the weeks to follow, we bought and moved into the house
by the beach.  James was enrolled in school and Dawn had a small
lump on her stomach that seemed to grow bigger everyday.

	I was hopelessly searching for a publishing company to sign
me.  Dawn was pushing me to join Horizon Agencies, the agency she
had hired, to represent me.  Somehow, that seemed like I was
selling out but as everyday passed by, it seemed like a better
option.

	James loved school.  He was receiving extensive praise from
his teachers which boosted his morale and he even had a few
friends.  He was full of energy when he got home.  We would sit
down at the table or sometimes on the beach and he would tell me
about his day as he ate an apple or some other kind of fruit.

	He was warming up to Dawn a little bit more but with her
frequent absence, it hindered the bonding process.  Luckily, for
both of us, the strenuous filming was coming to a close and she
was finding it harder and harder to hide her bulge.

	It was Friday.  Jonathan had taken James for the weekend so
Dawn and I could have two days together.  A long needed two days
together.

	We sat on the beach watching the sun set.  Dawn had wrapped
herself around me and would periodically kiss my neck or cheek.
The wind blew softly and mixed the lengths of our hair together.
Dawn's hair had grown out to her shoulders.

	I sighed as the first star blinked and twinkled.  "I love
you."

	"I love you, too."

	We didn't say anything else.  Nor did we need to.  Life was
beautiful at that moment.  Everything was more beautiful with
Dawn around.

	She kissed my neck.  "Let's go inside," she purred.

	I bit my lip.  "Really?"

	She nodded and started to standup.  I helped her the rest
of the way and wrapped my arm around her.

	"I need some Chinese."

	I groaned.

	"I'm kidding.  I'm only hungry for one thing," she winked.

	I chuckled as we entered the house through the sliding
glass door that led to the kitchen.

	We were halfway to the stairs when the doorbell rang.

	"You go ahead," I instructed.  "I'll get rid of them."

	She nodded, kissed me, and hurried up the stairs.

	I sighed as the doorbell rang again.  I sauntered over and
opened the door.  "Can I help you?"

	A petite blonde woman and a tall white-haired man stood on
the porch.

	"I'm sorry," the woman smiled.  "We must have the wrong
house."

	I leaned against the door.  "Well.  I might be able to help
you.  Who are you looking for?"

	She smiled wider.  "Thank you, dear.  That's very sweet.
We're looking for Dawn Reed.  We're her parents."

	I felt my stomach twist.  "Um.  She's upstairs."

	The woman frowned.  "Oh."

	"I'll get her, please come in."

	They walked in, eyeing everything.  Well, Mrs. Reed did.
Mr. Reed just remained silent.

	I made sure they made it to the living room before I ran up
the stairs and into the bedroom.

	Dawn was already naked and under the covers.  White sheets
don't exactly hide much, mind you.

	"Pookie, we have a problem."

	She sat up quickly.  "Is it James?  Is he okay?"

	Just her concern for him was enough for me to want to
ravage her.  Her exposed breasts weren't helping either.  "James
is fine.  Your parents are here."

	Her face went completely white.  Her eyes grew large.  "Oh
shit."  She jumped out of the bed and threw on a large pair of
jeans and a sweat shirt to hide her stomach.  "Oh God," she
turned to me, looking like a deer in headlights.

	"Hey," I whispered and attempted to hug her.

	She side-stepped me and left the room.

	Feeling confused and rejected, I followed her making sure
that I was a safe distance from speculation.

	I watched as she worked her acting skills.  She put on a
genuine looking smile and entertained them for the evening.  I
didn't know the extent of her cooking skills but that night she
cooked a three course mean from scratch.

	I retired early, feigning exhaustion.  I almost entered the
bedroom but opted to sleep in the guest room which would be
Tali's room in a few years.

	The sheets were cold and unfriendly as I slipped between
them.  I tried to snuggle with the pillow but it didn't work.

	I lay awake until I heard a small knock.  Dawn opened and
closed the door.

	"What are you doing in here?"  she whispered.

	"I'm straight, remember?"  I said, colder than intended.

	"I guess I deserve that," she sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry,
Muffin.  I really am!  I didn't know they were coming."

	"Go to bed."

	"No. I want to talk."

	"I don't," I hissed, glaring at her in the dark.  "Go. To.
Bed. Now."

	She slunk out of the room without a word.

	I hugged the pillow tighter as tears slid down my cheek.

*******

They cut me down to size

	I was stiff the next morning.  My neck hurt, my arms ached,
and a large red spot on the sheets sent me running to the
bathroom for a tampon.  I downed four Tylenol to beat the cramps
and dragged myself down the stairs.

	I put a cup in the microwave and pressed 'two minutes'.  I
plunked down in one of the kitchen chairs and waited for it to
warm up.

	Dawn, Felicity, and Bob came in from the beach.

	"Morning," Felicity sang.

	"Morning Muf-Iya," Dawn bit her lip and pulled a tea bag
from the cabinet.  She took the warm water from the microwave and
placed it in front of me.

	"Thanks," I whispered, adding a pitiful 'forgive me' smile.

	She returned it.

	"So, Iya," Felicity sat next to me.  "What do you do for a
living?"

	I played with the mug handle.  "I'm a writer."

	Felicity was not impressed.  "That's a fine hobby but what
do you do?"

	"Iya is a great writer, Mom.  She's already got a contract
with a publishing company,"  Dawn beamed.

	I turned to her.  "Thank you, Dawn but I don't need you to
lie for me.  I'm a writer by profession."

	"Oh," Felicity tried to smile.  "Does that mean Dawn is
supporting you?  You shouldn't use people like that, dear."

	I sipped my tea and tried to think of a witty come back but
nothing came to mind without outing Dawn to her parents.  This
was an incredibly awkward situation.

	"Iya isn't mooching off of me, Mom."

	Felicity turned to Dawn.  "Than what is she doing here?"

	Dawn glared at her.  "This is her house, Mom.  It's in both
of our names."

	I nodded.  For some reason, my voice just wasn't working.

	"Do you have any family, Iya?"

	"My parents and my son."

	I seemed to just be shocking her left and right.  "A son?"
she said slowly.  "So you were married?"

	"No."  God this was getting really difficult.

	"So you're a whore?"

	My mouth hit the table.  "How dare you!"

	"Mother!"

	Felicity looked around innocently.  "What?  She has a son
and isn't married.  She's obviously a whore."

	"I'll have you know," I said through gritted teeth.  "I
have morals.  I had my son when I was 18, right out of high
school with a boy I loved with all my heart.  And if you bad-
mouth him I will kick you out myself.  Bless his soul, he's in
heaven now with his daughter who died 3 months after birth.
James made it though and if you continue to insult me and the
people I love I will ask you to leave."

	Felicity looked at me, stunned.  "Dawn, are you going to
let her talk to me like that?"

	"Yes."

	She sighed.  "Well at least you aren't a lesbian.  Goodness
knows what that would do to a child."

	I couldn't take it anymore.  "I am.  I'm a lesbian.  I love
women.  I think they're beautiful.  If you'll excuse me," I took
my tea and left the room.  I went outside and sat on the porch
swing.  I was shaking slightly as I sipped my tea and rocked back
and forth slightly.

	Surprisingly, Bob stepped out and sat next to me.

	"Mind if I smoke?"  he asked, taking out a pack of
cigarettes.

	"Sure."

	He lit one and let out a billow of smoke.  "No one's stood
up to Felicity like that."

	"I'm not apologizing."

	"Good. Don't."

	I blinked at him.

	"You see. Felicity likes things her way or no way.  That's
why I don't talk much.  It's easier to stay quiet.  Plus, she's
catholic."

	"Than why do you stay with her?"

	"The same reason you stay with Dawn, I love her.  Now, Dawn
being a lesbian definitely didn't fit into her plan."

	I snorted.  "No one does."

	"But I can tell you two really care about each other.  The
look you shared earlier showed how much you love each other.  I'm
guessing our visit wasn't welcome."

	I nodded. "Jonathan took my son for the weekend so Dawn and
I could have the weekend together.  We haven't been alone since
September.  Almost two months."

	"Well, I don't think it'll take much convincing to get
Felicity to leave.  Any other news I should know?"

	I looked up at Dawn in the doorway.  "I think she should
tell you herself."

	He turned and smiled at her.

	Dawn smiled wearily.  "She looked like she'd been through a
battle.

	"Pookie,"  I opened up my arm to her.

	She gratefully sat in my lap and let me wrap my arms around
her.  She took bob's hand and placed it on her stomach.

	His eyes filled with tears.  "I-"

	She nodded.  "It's a girl."

	He hollered and picked Dawn up, hugging her as he cried.
"I'm going to be a grandfather!"  he kissed her and set her back
down in my lap.

	She smiled and hugged me.

	Bob composed himself quickly.  "Wait.  Than whose the
father unless it was artificial insemination?"

	Dawn bit her lips and rubbed her stomach.  "When I was
doing the play in New York.  I dated the lead, Jared.  He.  He
raped me on our second date."

	I held her tighter.

	"I'll kill him,"  he whispered.

	"He's already dead," I said, placing my hand over Dawn's.
"But Tali is going to live.  And grow up in a love family with a
loving older brother and we hope two sets of loving
grandparents."

	She smiled and kissed me.

	I placed my head on Dawn's shoulder as she talked to Bob.
Maybe things were getting better.

	"Mama!"  James came running up the stone path with Jonathan
behind him.

	"I'm so sorry to do this to you, guys but Adam had an
emergency and we have to run to the airport.  I promise we can
take him next weekend."

	"Is everything alright?"

	Jonathan shook his head.  "I don't think so."

	I kissed his cheek.  "Go.  Next weekend will be fine."

	He nodded and ran back to the car.

	James crawled into Dawn's lap.  "Hi Dawn," he smiled and
kissed her cheek.  "Hi Tali," he bent down and kissed her
stomach.

	"Hello young man."

	James waved, grinned, and buried his head in Dawn's
shoulder.

	She giggled and wrapped her arms around him.

	The conversation continued until Felicity appeared.
Looking as strong and confident as ever she looked right at
James.  "And who is this?"

	James looked up from Bob who was performing little magic
tricks with a quarter.  "I'm James."

	"James is my son," I said.

	"Oh," she forced another smile.

	Bob got up.  "I think we should leave, dear."

	Felicity looked at her husband and glared at him.  "And let
her stay with this woman and her son?  I don't think so!"

	He frowned.  "We are leaving.  Dawn doesn't need anymore
stress.  We're going home."

	She sighed.  "Why couldn't you have been like Lexy?  Why
couldn't you have just married Randall when he asked you?  You
would be pregnant by now."

	Dawn smiled.  "I am pregnant.  With a  little girl.  And if
you don't get your act together, Dad will be the only one invited
to Christmas and birthdays.  I won't tolerate your behavior in my
house, Mother.  You're under my roof now."

	Felicity's mouth opened and closed before she turned to
Bob.  "Come along, dear.  We're leaving."

	"Bye honey," he kissed Dawn's cheek.  "You take good care
of my babies," he told me.

	"I will, I promise," I held Dawn and James tighter.

	He smiled and kissed the top of my head and ruffled James'
hair.  "I know you will."  He followed Felicity to the car.

	I sighed.  "Anyone else up for ice cream?"

*******

	She's so beautiful.  You can call me biased, I don't care.
She's beautiful.  Her hair has grown out and falls to her
shoulders.  I like it down but she puts it in a French braid or
some other hair design.  I don't care though.

	The moon lands on her cheek.  Like a soft kiss.  She looks
so angelic.  My angel.

And that's what she really is, my angel.  My Dawn.

If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
        When she says she loves me
--

Well, I finally finished the long awaited Chapter 15!  I'm soo
sorry it took so long!

Don't forget to smile,
Secret Dreamer <dreamsecret@poetic.com>
<http://www.envy.nu/poisonthorns/> <FairyoftheQuill>