Date: Sun, 23 Dec 2001 22:02:55 -0500
From: Secret Dreamer <quillfairy4@hotmail.com>
Subject: Fall Down and Smile - 21

Aren't I good, I got it out before Christmas! Yay!  Happy Holidays
everyone!  Consider this your prezzie :) I hope this meets everyone's
approval.  My sister edited it so it should be error-free but no one's
perfect.  Yay my sister though.  So, I hope everyone is well and healthy.
Oh and I finally got my domain working.  :) Everything has been moved to
there so the site on envy.nu is in the process of being shut down :) Yay.

website. <http://snowroses.net>
e-mail. <quillfairy4@hotmail.com>
aim. <fairyofthequill>

Chapter 21
"It's Tangled Up With Me "

	"...happy birthday dear Ja-ames.  Happy Birthday to you!"

	He scrunched his eyes closed and blew out the 6 candles, the wisps
of smoke carrying his wish to the ceiling. Everyone clapped as I cut into
the chocolate on chocolate cake that he had specifically requested.  The
knife slid through the layers as if it were water and fell onto the paper
plates with a plop.  Sierra grinned happily when she found that a flower
was on her piece.

	I handed Dawn a piece and licked the frosting from my finger as the
doorbell rang.  "I'll get it," I said, putting a bit of chocolate on James'
nose, and making my way to the door.  A round of laughter erupted from the
family room as I opened the door, Bob's rich voice rising above it all.

	I blinked a few times, not quite sure what to do.  My stomach was
doing flips.

	Dawn came out, with cake still in her hands, licking more from her
finger.  "Whose at the door, Muffin?"

	I stepped aside and let her see for herself.

	"Hello, honey," Felicity smiled upon seeing her daughter.

	Dawn sputtered and swallowed.  "M-mom.  What are you doing here?"
She slid over to me and grasped my hand for help except I wasn't sure what
to do myself.

	"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

	"Is that in reference to the fact that you're a vampire?"  I
growled.

	Dawn kicked me in the ankle.  "Iya," she warned.  "Yeah Mom, come
in."

	I looked at Dawn as if she were nuts and sent her a silent message.

	Her eyes widened as if to say 'what else was I supposed to do?'

	I sighed and shut the door behind Felicity.  Her suitcases bounced
on the floor as she set them down with a sigh.  I guess she planned on
staying for a while.

	James came running out.  "Is it my present from Grammy and Grampy?"
he stopped short and jumped behind me and Dawn.

	I cupped the back of his head and lightly ran my fingers through
his hair, calming him down.

	"We weren't expecting you," Dawn managed to say.  "You picked a
really bad day to just show up."

	"She ruined my birthday," James muttered, sniffling.

	I turned around.  "James, why don't you and Sierra take Bruno
outside.  Take Uncle Jonathan and Uncle Adam with you."

	He nodded and cautiously left my side and whistled for Bruno to
come with him.

	"And send Grandpa Bob out here," Dawn called after him.

	"Does that make me Grandma Felicity?"  she asked, her lips pursed
together in a tight smile.

	'Not if I can help it,' I thought bitterly.

	Bob came into the foyer, a cup of milk in his hands.  He stumbled
when he saw Felicity.  "Hello, dear.  What are you doing here?"  He wiped
the bit of spilled milk from his shirt.

	Her hands were clasped in front of her, face paler than before.  "I
know I haven't exactly been a model mother or grandmother, but you need to
understand it from my point of view," she took Dawn's hand in hers.  "It
was such a big shock.  You and Randall; I was so sure that you would marry
him and raise a family."

	"But I am raising a family-- and Lexy is going to marry the man and
raise the family," Dawn protested.

	She smiled and cupped her cheek.  "When you told me, when I saw you
and Iya together, I got scared and I ran."

	"Not without saying anything, God forbid," I grumbled.

	She nodded.  "I know I can't immediately repair the damage I've
done.  Maybe I never will.  When James went running, I knew I had done
something awful.  Just, just give me a chance to make everything better."

	Dawn bit her lip and looked over at me.  I could tell she was dying
to have her mother back in her life.

	"Well, I suppose there's enough room for her and Bob in the
guestroom," I sighed.

	Dawn squealed and threw her arms around me, forgetting about the
piece of cake in her hands which splattered on my shirt.  She giggled.
"Sorry, honey."

	I kissed her nose.  "No problem.  I'll just go soak it and put on
something else."

	Felicity picked up her bags.  "Could you show me where I should put
my things?"

	"Yeah, follow me.  I'm going in that direction anyway."  I took her
upstairs to what would eventually be Abby's room.  "Here you go.  I think
Bob is only taking up a small portion of the closet and there's a dresser
in there, too."

	"Thank you," she put her suitcases on the bed and looked around the
room.  She cleared her throat.  "I want you to know, I meant what I said
down there.  I want to make things better.  I want to be a good
mother-in-law to you and a good grandmother to James and the baby."  She
turned back to her suitcases and began unlocking them.

	"Abby."

	She looked up.  "Excuse me?"

	"We're naming her Abby."

	"That's a lovely name."

******* i spun a web

	I came into the bedroom after putting James to bed and reading
another chapter in Harry Potter.  Softly, I shut the door behind me and
changed.

	Dawn sat near the head of the bed, rubbing lotion into her arms and
legs.

	I sat down behind her, leaning against the headboard, and began
rubbing her shoulders.  "How are you feeling?"

	She leaned against my touch.  "Exhausted," she sighed and closed
her eyes, putting her head on my shoulder.

	I nodded and kissed her neck.  "It's been a big day."

	She didn't say anything, just placed her hand on my thigh.

	"Don't start something you can't finish," I whispered.

	She looked up at me, a familiar fire in her eyes.  "Who said I was
going to stop?"

	I captured her lips and pulled the truth from her, feeling her
desire through her moist tongue.

	She began to get on her knees but I stopped her.

	"Stay the way you are.  It's my treat."

	"But.."

	"Shh," I continued kissing her neck and up to her ear.  "Just
relax."

	She shivered at the feather light touch and did as I said, just
leaning against me, completely open.

	I pulled the long shirt over her head and ran my hands along her
soft, smooth sides up to her breasts.

	She sighed contently against me but moved my hands to her
cloth-covered sex between her bent legs.

	I chuckled and kissed her ear.  "Not yet," and moved my hands back
to her stomach.

	She whimpered a bit.  "Tease," she whispered.

	I silenced her by attacking her lips again and moving my hands back
to my original target.  I massaged her engorged breasts with the palm and
tip of my fingers, feeling the silkiness of her skin.

	Slowly, I moved down her stomach again and she smiled between
kisses.  She shimmied from the last bit of clothing that clung to her body
and looked up at me with doe eyes.  "I love you."

	"I love you, too," I kissed her from her arm down to her fingers
before running a hand up her thigh and to her sacred cavern.  I maneuvered
myself to her sparkling center and began my work like an artist creating
her masterpiece.  Dawn was my masterpiece.

******* o no, what's this?

	I felt like I was on fire.  A beautiful, liquid fire that seared
every nerve in my body.  My tongue was puffy and swollen inside my mouth as
I gasped, begging for something to extinguish the burning.  I quivered and
whimpered for aid, my naked body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat.  My
fingers curled around the only solid thing I could find in my blind
euphoria as my back arched, knees buckled, and the fire became less
intense.

	Dawn's beautiful face appeared in front of me as a smile tugged at
the corner of my lips.  "Hi," she whispered.

	I just smiled, that was all I had the strength to do.

	She giggled and bucked her hips against mine causing a wonderful
shiver to course through my body in a flash of white light.  I felt
comfortable, basking in that light and knowing that everything was alright;
perfect even.  Just me and Dawn.

	She put her head on my chest and sighed like she was reborn and
waiting for her new life to start with a flourish of satisfaction and equal
impatience.  "Iya?"

	"Hmm?"

	"I love you."

	And I felt the same way.

	I woke up from that dream with renewed energy.  Dawn was lying next
to me, smiling in her sleep and clutching the corner of the pillow.  She's
so beautiful when she sleeps.

	As I pattered down the stairs to make breakfast, I heard movement
in the kitchen.  Felicity was already up and making pancakes on the
griddle.  I almost didn't have the heart to tell her that James only ate
them on weekends and Dawn was going through a 'no pancakes' stage.  I
almost didn't have the heart to tell her that.  Almost.  I told her anyway.

	She looked down at the pile of pancakes that were still warm,
little wisps of smoke coming from the golden brown stack.  "Oh."

	Maybe it was for the defeated look on her face or maybe I wanted to
show her that I knew a part of Dawn that she didn't.  Or maybe I just
wanted her to know that I could hurt her right back.

	But I couldn't stand that look; like I'd just pulled out her heart
and shown it to her.  "But thank you.  It's kind of nice to have someone
else cook.  Besides, my pancakes always come out lumpy," so I lied to make
up for it.  She was trying.  The damage wasn't going to be forgotten
because she made pancakes but it was a warm start.

	She knew I was lying.

	I filled the teapot with water and set it on the stove. While it
heated I warmed James' bagel and spread the cream cheese on it myself.

	Felicity had discarded the rest of the batter and put two pieces of
toast in the toaster for Dawn.

	The sun streamed through the window as we worked side by side for a
common cause.  There's something special about two mothers of different
generations making breakfast for their children in the same kitchen. We
maneuvered around each other carefully as the buzz of the microwave filled
the empty silence and the toast popping up made us both jump.

	Watching her carefully spread a thin layer of jelly on each slice
and seeing the content smile on her face made my heart soar.  She knew she
didn't have to do this.  She could've been in the bathroom soaking in a
bubble bath but she was here.  And I understood that.  I understood the
feeling you get when making food for your own because you knew you were
doing something special.  You were filling the kitchen with wonderful
smells that they would carry with them for the rest of their lives.

	That morning in the kitchen did more than an infinity of talks
could have done.

*******


	After James left for school I crawled back into bed next to Dawn
and wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder.
"Morning," I whispered, running a hand through her hair.

	She groaned and turned over, nuzzling her head into my chest.
"Don' wanna get up."

	I kissed the top of her head.  "Come on.  We already let you sleep
in late.  It's almost 9."

	She sighed and wrapped her arms around my neck.  "Let's just stay
in bed all day."

	"No.  You need to take a shower.  You smell."

	She stuck her tongue out at me.  "And you smell like roses."

	"I do, actually.  Come on, Felicity made toast for you and it's
getting pretty cold.  I bet if you asked real nice she'd make you something
good."

	Dawn looked up at me.  "Since when do you say something nice about
my Mom?"

	I shrugged.  "She's not so bad."  I never did tell her what
happened in the kitchen that morning.  I never really felt like I needed
to.  Maybe I should've but I didn't.

	She pressed her hand to my forehead.  "Are you feeling alright?"

	I chuckled and kissed her nose, sitting up and pulling the blanket
off of her.  "Now, get up and take a shower."

	She grumbled but got up and sauntered into the bathroom.

******* and i lost my head

	I sat on the back porch, a cup of tea in my hands and a thin
sweater around my shoulders.  I didn't really need anything else.  It
didn't get that cold in California.

	I missed Pennsylvania.  I missed the cold weather and all my wool
sweaters that kept me oh-so-warm on those nights in my drafty dorm room.
It was probably covered in snow by now.  It usually is by December.  I
missed the leaves falling to the ground that year.  I missed getting up at
6 a.m. for my 8 o'clock class across town.  I missed being a student.

	I don't regret my choices.  I don't regret that I'm living in a
house with the love of my life and my son.  I love it here, too.  I love
the way the waves sound when they break against the shore and the way
Bruno's little paw prints stop at the edge, still afraid to tackle the
large waves.  At least, they were large to him.

	I sighed as a light wind danced across my shoulders, pulling the
hair from my face.

	The glass door slid open and closed behind me.  James came
pattering up and wriggled his way into my lap, resting his head on my
shoulder.

	I put my arms around him and kissed the top of his head.  It was
worth it to see James so happy and content here.  He loves it here, too.
He has friends here.

	"Mama?"

	"Hmm?"

	"Do I have to call her Grandma?"

	I shook my head.  "No.  You can call her whatever you want, as long
as it's appropriate."

	He sighed wearily at the last part.  "Nuts," he mumbled under his
breath before starting again.  "Mama?"

	"Yes James."

	"Are you and Dawn married?"

	I stared down at him as he looked up at me.  "No, why?"

	He looked away quickly. "Will you marry her?"

	I hugged him closer to me as a light blush rose in his cheeks.
"Someday.  Do you want her to be a part of our family?"

	"She already is," he said.

	There was a pregnant pause as we watched the sea together.  Bruno
came tumbling out and ran around on the sand, dodging waves and shrieking
when his dainty paws touched the cold water. He ran up and sat at my feet,
sighing contentedly.

	"Mama?"

	"Hmm?"

	"I want you to marry Dawn.  Can I call her Mom?  Or Mim?  What
about Mim?  I think it means something though."

	"You can call her whatever you'd like," I left out the last part on
purpose.  James knew better.  "I think Mim means Aunt in Spanish but it can
mean something different between you and her."

	He nodded against my shoulder.  "Mama and Mim," he tested it on his
tongue before smiling broadly.  "I like that. Now you have to marry her so
I can call her that."

	I stroked his hair, trying to keep my anxiety at bay.  I don't know
why the idea of marriage made me so nervous these days.  Although the fact
that my 6 year old son was pushing me to get married was a little
overwhelming.  I knew that Dawn was the only one for me.  There was no one
else that could possibly fill her shoes.  No one would create such an
impression on James as she had.  That's what was important.  Why not marry
her?  I loved her.  James loved her.

	"Mama?  Are you okay?"

	I nodded. "I'm fine."

	We had really only been together, as a couple, since about August.
Four months.  Only four months we'd been a couple. It hit me how intense
they'd been.  It felt like years.  Was it supposed to feel like that?  Or
should I be saying 'It seems like yesterday...' even though it doesn't?  I
felt like I'd aged decades.  Maybe I had in some way.

	Again, the glass door opened and Bob stuck his head out.  "Dinner's
ready."

******* i turned to run

	As the weeks passed, Felicity made herself more at home but the
tension was rising under our roof.  Each day was a heart-breaking struggle
for all of us.  The trial was coming quickly.  Dawn and I frequently had
meetings with the lawyers.  But there really wasn't much to say anymore.

	It seemed like the weeks flew and suddenly we were sitting in the
court room.  Jonathan, Adam, Felicity, and Bob were sitting in the audience
while Dawn and I sat at the defendant's table with Marissa and Daniel.
Mama and Papa had wanted to come but I had told them to stay in Chicago.

	In front of us was the judge's stand. An American flag and the
state flag were perched behind him on two golden poles that loomed over his
head.  Along the walls were pictures of past judges in their frightening
glory.  Stone-faced and ashen in the oil paintings.

	Dawn's hand was latched onto mine, both of us were sweating
profusely and finding a tight grip was almost impossible.  I thanked God
that James was at school.  I could only imagine how nervous he was.  Dawn
had been throwing up most of the morning and all I could do was hold her
hair back and offer a cold washcloth.  She looked so pale this morning.
Her eyes were dark and the usual sparkle was gone. Her hair was limp
against her shoulders.

	Oliver and Rachel Montgomery sat at the parallel table.  Rachel was
crying into a yellow silk handkerchief.  What a good trick.

	The Judge was looking over a file of some kind.  He set it down and
nodded. "Begin."

	The Montgomery's lawyer got up.  "Your Honor, my clients have
suffered a severe loss.  Their only son, Jared Montgomery, was in a car
accident four months ago and was killed.  All they are asking is that the
baby that he created be given to them.  Is it too much to ask that they
have their own flesh in blood in their house?  They can give the child
everything.  They've suffered a great tragedy," he sat down.

	Dawn was shaking next to me.  Her eyes stared through the table to
the floor, boring a hole into it.

	Daniel stood up.  "My sympathies to the Montgomery's for their
loss.  But to give them my clients' child would be a crime.  Your Honor,
Dawn Reed was raped by Jared Montgomery.  Surely that violation alone
should be grounds for her to keep the baby.  Should the Montgomery's get
the child just because their son died?  No.  Miss Reed has pulled her life
back together after that horrific night.  She and Miss Moon have made a
loving home for Miss Moon's son and they can provide just as well as the
Montgomery's.  This woman's safety was taken away, don't take away the
child too."

	Mr. Saunders, their attorney, stood again.  "Your Honor, if I may."

	The Judge rubbed his wrinkled temple and nodded.  "Proceed."

	"What evidence do we have that this woman was indeed raped?  There
are no hospital records that a woman named Dawn Reed came to the hospital
that night and was tested.  And if she was raped, wouldn't she want to have
someone take the baby off her hands?  This baby that was made by force and
out of wed-lock."

	Marissa stood next.  "Your Honor, we'd like to call Olivia Walters
to the stand."

	It'd been so long since we'd seen Olivia.  She winked at us and sat
down after vowing to tell the truth.

	Marissa paced the floor.  "Olivia, you know Miss Reed and Miss
Dawn, correct?"

	"Yes I do."

	"You knew them when Miss Reed was raped."

	She nodded.  "Yes I did."

	"Can you tell the court what you saw?"

	Olivia sighed deeply and pushed a piece of hair from her face.  "I
was at a club with Iya when it happened.  She received a page and it was
Dawn, in hysterics.  I paid Iya's bill and she rushed home.  When I saw
them again, Dawn had a large bruise on her cheek.  I've been raped myself
so I know the look that I saw in her eyes," she shifted and turned to
Mr. Saunders.  "And you can check the hospital records in New York, I'm on
the list."

	I squeezed Dawn's hand, her shaking had slowed a bit.

	"No further questions," Marissa sat down.

	Mr. Saunders walked up to the stand and leaned against it.  "But
you weren't there when it happened."

	"No, I wasn't."

	"There we are again.  No one really knows if this woman was
actually raped.  No one except her and the deceased.  Your Honor, my
clients deserve this child. They've suffered greatly."

	I watched Olivia's face change.

	"And Iya and Dawn haven't?  My God man, how do you sleep at night?
You know just as well as I do that they," she pointed to the
Montgomery's. "Don't deserve the child."

	The judge sounded his gavel.  "That will be stricken from the
record.  Miss Walters, one more outburst like that and I'll hold you in
contempt."

	Mr. Saunders smirked and sat back down.

	Olivia got up and grumbled back to the audience but sent us an
apologetic smile.  I could only nod.

	Daniel wearily stood and the trial continued.  Dawn and I both told
our stories.  There really wasn't much else to do.  Oliver and Rachel gave
multiple reasons why they would be better parents to Abby.  Mr. Saunders
kept stressing that Dawn was never raped but if they knew what I knew,
they'd think differently.  It didn't matter whether she was raped or not.

	The judge finally intervened.  "Miss Moon, you have a son, is that
right?"

	I just nodded.

	"Is he here?"

	"No, he's at school."

	"There will be a 25 minute recess so the boy can be taken out of
school and I can talk to him privately," he sounded the gavel.

	"Is that good?"  Dawn croaked.

	I nodded and stroked her hair, kissing her temple.

	Jonathan and Adam came up.  "We'll go get James."

	I thanked them and held Dawn in my arms.  I watched the Montgomerys
walk out of the room.  They seemed so much happier.  They thought they'd
won.  Rachel had stopped crying into her handkerchief hours ago.

	Felicity helped me move Dawn into a more comfortable room and lay
her down on a plush couch.  I knelt next to her on the floor and took her
hand.  "How're you feeling, baby?"

	Finally she cried.  She rolled over and wrapped her arms around my
neck, sobbing into my shirt.  They echoed off the walls and I was sure the
whole building could hear her.  The sound of a heartbroken woman is very
hard to miss.  Her howls shook every bone in the room and even the windows
shuttered at the sound.

	I felt my own tears fall down my face and onto her hair.  I didn't
think I would be able to cry.  I had wanted to so badly.  To just break
down.  I gave in and my sobs joined hers in a harmonious chorus of
heartache.

******* and i'm caught in the middle

	When we sat back down, James was in Jonathan's arms and looking
quite petrified.  I pulled him into my lap and held him tightly as the
judge sat and smiled warmly at James.  He shyly smiled back, acting very
much his age.

	The judge leaned forward, explaining that there was no need to
frighten James by making him sit by himself on the stand. "What's your
name?"

	"James Michael Hamilton, sir," he replied. "What's yours?"

	"Michael Hawthorne. How long have you lived with your mother?"

	He thought for a second.  "Only about 3 months, Michael, sir.  My
daddy died.  But Mama would visit all the time cause she was in school.
Grandma and Grandpa would help take care of me."

	"Do you like living with your mother?"

	He nodded enthusiastically.  "It's great.  She reads to me and
makes me snacks when I come home from school.  And Mim plays games with me
and takes walks with me and Bruno on the beach."

	"Mim?"

	He smiled sheepishly.  "That's my name for Dawn.  I don't like just
calling her 'Dawn' like everyone else, I wanted something special.  She's
like my mom."

	Dawn stared at him, tears welling up in her eyes again.  She
grabbed a tissue and blew her nose softly.

	The Judge smiled.  "I would like to talk to James in my quarters,
privately."

	He looked up at me. "Did I do something wrong?"

	I kissed his temple.  "No.  Go with the judge."

	He slid off my lap and followed Judge Hawthorne out of the court
room.

	Dawn turned to me.  "Did you know about that?"

	I took her hand.  "He told me about it a few weeks ago.  I was
wondering when he'd start calling you that."

	She smiled brightly and threw her arms around me.  "I love it, I
absolutely love it."

	I kissed her and placed my hand on her stomach.  "She's kicking," I
smiled, feeling the little 'thump thump thump'.

	She leaned against me.  "I'm so tired."

	"I know, me too."

	It seemed like forever before James came skipping out and sat back
down in my lap.  He was grinning from ear to ear.

	Judge Hawthorne sat down.  "I've made my decision."


i never meant to cause you trouble, and i never meant to do you wrong, and
i, well if i ever caused you trouble, o no, i never meant to do you harm.


--
So what didja think?  Yeah, I thought so :)

Don't Forget to Smile,
Secret