Date: Sun, 13 Jun 1999 09:11:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: D Laws <deeannlaws@yahoo.com>
Subject: My Secret Love Part Four

Warning:  This does contain material involving same sex relations, if you are
offended by this in any way then don't read it.  This is only for fun,
and not meant for anything else.

My Secret Love
By D. Laws


Part Four


There we were sitting on the couch, me rambling away trying to ease Lauri
into feeling comfortable and not having to make her feel forced in anyway
in having to tell me anything, but she surprised me.  She interrupted me,
and after a few moments of laughing and enjoying the moment Lauri became
serious with me again.

	"So Samantha, where were we?" Lauri paused for a few moments
	and moved closer to me on the couch.  "I really do want to get this
	out in the open and finally explain things to you.  Please Samantha,
	don't think I'm being forced into saying anything just because I
	know you have feelings for me.  I want to tell you how I truly feel,
	and not what was said that day.  It's very scary and confusing for me,
	I don't admit to understand any of this really or how it came about,
	but all I know Samantha is that I, too, have feelings for you.
	I don't know really when it started or how it developed but after all
	that has happened the past few weeks between us, our kiss, us arguing,
	my fears that day, and then seeing you lay in that hospital fighting
	for your life.  Well it's made me realize that you mean something
	to me, that your important to me.  Damn..."  Lauri said flustered.
	"This isn't really coming out the right way."

	"Lauri, it's okay.  Just tell me what you feel now from your
	heart.  There is no wrong way to tell someone the truth."

	"Samantha, I'm not good at expressing my feelings, and to tell you
	the truth I'm very nervous here.  You bring out all these new
	feelings in me that I haven't felt before and I'm confused and
	scared and just so many feelings all at once.  I don't know how
	this will work out Samantha or where any of this will lead but I do
	care for you...well, more than care for you."  Lauri hesistated for
	a few seconds.  "Samantha, I think I love you as well.  That day
	these feelings were so overwhelming for me that it scared me too much
	and I didn't want to admit these feelings to myself either, and the
	only way I knew how to deal with them was to push you away.
	And being your instructor well that was the best thing and the right
	thing to do for everyone concerned, at least I had thought that it
	was at the time.  Now...I still don't know.  I didn't know this
	would happen, or that I would find myself with these feelings for
	you.  I love my husband still and am just so confused!"

Lauri's nerves were shot.  She wanted to get away from Samantha and run,
but she knew she had to tell Samantha how she felt, even if that meant that
she still loved her husband as well and wasn't sure about any of this.

	"Lauri, I don't know where any of this will lead either.  I realize
	you still love your husband and you have a family, and I don't want
	to come between that.  Lauri, we don't have to go any where with this.
	I do love you Lauri, and I do understand your confusion and these
	new feelings that you have. I won't push anything on you that
	you don't want.  How about we don't put any pressure on us at all for
	anything to happen, okay?  We've both been honest in how we feel
	about each other, so how bout we just take each day as it comes and
	just see what happens.  Let's not expect anything, and just
	be friends, and if things happen then we'll face that then.  But for
	now I hope we can become good friends anyway."  I said reaching for
	Lauri's hand.

Lauri smiled at me and grabbed my hand as well and gave it a squeeze.  Her
hands were shaking a little as she held mine.

	"Thanks, Samantha, your such a wonderful person.  Thanks for
	understanding me, and being so, well, just being so understanding."
	Lauri said smiling at me as she squeezed my hand.  "And I would
	love to become a good friend of yours.  In fact, I hope we already
	are."

Lauri leaned in and gave me a gentle hug not wanting to squeeze too much
with my sore ribs from the accident that was still recovering.  It took me
quite by surprise.  To feel her arms around me brought my feelings to the
surface again that I had to keep in check.  I had to remind myself, go slow
Samantha, just friends, remember just friends, at least for now I was
thinking anyway.    I returned the hug and wrapped my arms around Lauri.
For a hug it sure seemed to linger longer than what would be considered a
normal friendly hug.  It felt so nice and warm to feel her arms around me.
But I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable so I slightly pulled away
and smiled.

If I didn't know better, I had thought I heard a slight disgruntle as I
pulled away, but I pretended I heard nothing.  She definitely wants this, I
thought to myself.  I just have to be subtle in letting her see that and
make the right moves in making that happen.

It was a silent awkward moment right after the hug as we looked at each
other.  I didn't want to be forward with her, but at that moment I wanted
to kiss her so bad.  Memories of our last kiss together flashed through
my mind.   That kiss in her office was filled with such passion and lust.
I shook the thought from my mind.  Before I knew what was happening, Lauri
was leaning forward and slightly and so softly she kissed my lips.  It
wasn't like our kiss before, this kiss was so soft and slow.  She pulled
back and looked at me unsure of herself.

I reached my hand up and cupped her face as I looked within her eyes.  That
is all she needed for assurance as she leaned forward again and gently
pressed her lips to mine.  Her arms reaching around me and embracing me as
she pulled me gently into her as our kiss deepened.  I allowed her tongue
entry as I felt her tongue slowly enter me so lovingly.  Her kiss was so
feathery and light, so gentle like she didn't want to hurt me, but it was
so loving that it touched my heart with so much love for her.  I could feel
the tears welling up in my eyes as she kissed me.  My hand caressed her face
as she held me so gently to her.  She slightly pulled her lips away while
still holding me to her as her hand gently reached up and stroked my face as
she looked into my eyes.  She was so beautiful at that moment as she looked
at me with so much love.  The tears began to roll down my cheeks.  She gently
and lovingly wiped them away as she whispered that she loved me and held me
into her once again.

For the rest of that afternoon not much was said between us.  She held me
close to her that afternoon so lovingly as we just enjoyed our company
together.  Nothing else happened other than the closeness we shared of
opening up our hearts to one another.  We watched some tv and just held each
other for the rest of the afternoon as we both dozed in and out of sleep,
not saying a word.

The kiss we shared on the couch earlier that afternoon was so soft and
loving.  I wasn't sure where we would go from there, but I just enjoyed this
time that we did have together.  It was getting late in the evening, and we
both ended up snacking on some food that Lauri had in the house, and we
talked a little about our life, our feelings.  Lauri asked me some questions
about what my brother had told her in the hospital about my marriage and all
of that so we talked the rest of the night sharing and opening up to each
other about our lifes.

We both were unsure where any of this would go, so we just enjoyed each
others company and stayed in that closeness that the kiss had brought to
us this afternoon and left things with that for now.  It was going on past
midnight and we were both tired.  It had been a touching and very intimate
night of sharing and talking, and learning and growing closer together.
Lauri talked about her family and showed me pictures of her childhood, and
pictures of her own children.  She talked about the loss of her father a few
years ago to cancer who was her world, and how hard it was at first for her
to handle that loss.

I talked to her about my parents being killed and how the loss and closeness
of my mother had affected me and how for awhile it had destroyed me.  How I
lost my way for awhile after that, and how it took me many years to get my
life back together again.

We shared so many things together,and found ourselves becoming much closer
and understanding each other even better.  I found myself falling even more
dangerously in love with her. She had my heart, and it scared me.  It scared
me so much cause I knew she had a life with her husband and children, and I
wondered where I fit in all of that in her life.  I wanted to be cautious,
to not let myself get too close, and turn and run from her...from my
feelings, but I just couldn't help myself being even more drawn into her,
and loving her even more.  I wanted all of her, and it scared the hell out
of me.

Lauri got up and helped me up.  She helped me up the stairs to the bedroom.
I went into the bedroom, but hadn't a clue where my clothes were.  Lauri
had headed to the bathroom so I scrambled around, and yelled out to Lauri.
	"Lauri, do you know where my clothes are, the others you brought
	in earlier?"
	
	"Oh yes Samantha, sorry about that.  I put some of your clothes in
	the dresser drawer near the tv stand." Lauri said as she walked in.
	When I went to your apartment I wasn't sure what to pack so I grabbed
	quite a few of your things and placed them in the drawers there.
	I hope you don't mind?"

	"No, I don't mind at all.  I gave you my keys to get some of my
	clothes, I guess I didn't expect you to pack my whole apartment.
	I'm kidding."  I said smiling at her.  "Thanks, Lauri, I really
	do appreciate that.  Did you happen to pack any of my pj's in there
	when you went to my apartment?"

	"Um, no, I didn't see any.  What do you normally sleep in?"  Lauri
	said a bit shy at asking that question.

	"Well, normally in the summer I just sleep in my underwear and a
	t-shirt, but I do have some summer pj's that I wear if I have
	company staying over."   I said smiling again at Lauri.
	
	"Well, your welcome to sleep in anything you want, and if you need
	to borrow any of my t-shirts or anything just let me know, okay?"

	"Thanks, Lauri.  Well tonight I"ll just wear these shorts and
	this t-shirt.  I don't want to gross you out with all my bandages
	and all showing so I'll keep them covered."

	"Samantha, please don't say that.  You wouldn't gross me out with
	seeing your injuries.  Your here to recuperate, remember.  And I'm
	here to help you.  So anyway while we're on that subject, can I
	help you change and help you change any of your dressings?"

	"Um...well, I don't want to bother you."  I said hesitantly.

	"Samantha, please, come on now.  Here, tell me what we need to do
	and I'll help you."

	"Well, can you help me remove this shirt.  It hurts too much for
	me to lift my arms up too high."

Lauri walked over to me and helped me slip off my t-shirt.  My bandages
covered where the doctors had operated, and some I wore as constiction
around my ribs to help them repair.

	"Lauri, can you reach around here?  Yeah, there, that's good.
	I have some solution there the doctor wants me to wash over the
	area there to keep it sterile and then I have some bandages in my
	bag there near the bed I brought in from the hospital."

Lauri grabbed the sterile solution and helped me remove my bandages. Lauri
told me to lay down as she cleaned the area for me.  I was a bit embarrassed
and apprehensive with this but she made me feel at ease.  So I laid down
on the bed onto my side as Lauri was behind me.

	"Samantha if this hurts let me know, I'll try and do this as
	gently as I can."

	"Okay, Lauri.  Don't worry I'm use to the nurse doing this so it's
	okay really."

Lauri grabbed some sterile gauze and solution and began to gently clean
the area where my stiches were.  I jumped a little at first contact but then
relaxed into it as Lauri continued.  The bruises and cuts were still evident
from my accident but were healing rather nicely.  Even my ribs weren't as
sore and I seemed to have a little more movement.  I laid there relaxed as I
felt Lauri's hands gently caring for me.  It felt nice having her do this
for me.  Lauri then grabbed the bandages and surgical tape and covered up
my stiches.  She helped me up again and helped me wear the constriction
suit around my ribs.

	"There, how's that?"  Lauri asked.
	
	"That feels good Lauri.  Thanks for helping me here.  I don't think
	I"ll  have to wear this thing too much longer."
I said pointing to the body bandage around my ribs.  I didn't know quite
what to call it but I had seen this before with people who had surgery or
liposuction where the doctor made them wear this thing.  It was comfortable
enough so I didn't mind too much.
	"So Lauri, how did the stiches look?"

	"Actually it looks like it's getting better, there doesn't seem
	to be as much swelling as before like last week when the nurse had
	done this.  Here let me help you with your t-shirt."  Lauri helped
	me put my shirt back on.  "There you go.  Okay, ready for bed then?"

	"Yeah, thanks so much for the help Lauri."  I said as Lauri helped
	me climb under the covers.

	"No problem there Samantha, I want to help you all that I can, okay?
	So ask me anytime."

Lauri climbed in the bed on the other side.  She was wearing a night shift.
It looked really nice and sexy on her, though a little less clothing would
have been nice as well.   Lauri turned towards me. "Are you going to be
okay Samantha, do you need any extra pillows?"

         "No, I'm fine thanks Lauri."  I said as I layed down on the bed and
got comfortable.

I think we were both a little nervous but it felt nice being close to her.
Lauri was about to turn back but stopped.  She looked at me and gently
ran her hand through my hair.  She leaned forward and slightly kissed me
on my lips.  "Goodnight Samantha."  She said and then turned over and
layed down in the bed.

         "Goodnight Lauri."  I rolled on my side and soon found sleep
taking over me.  It had been such a long day, with coming home from the
hospital, Lauri and I being open and honest with each other finally, and
then the kiss, the most beautiful kiss I had ever experienced.  Maybe it
was because I truly loved her, and that made the difference with everything.
It felt good being near her, though my fears were still very real of losing
her, but I knew I had no right really to expect anything more from her.

Unbeknownst to me Lauri was laying there in her thoughts as well as I
drifted off to sleep.  "Oh Samantha, I do love you, I can't help but fall
in love with you every time I see you.  I want to take care of you, and do
so much for you.  I'm so confused.  I wish things were easier for me to sort
these feelings out.  I wish I didn't have to choose between my feelings for
you and my husband.  But damn it, I want you so bad in my life.  What are
we going to do Samantha."  Lauri pondered to herself as she layed there.

Lauri rolled towards me, my back was turned to her.  She gently ran her
fingers down my face.  "What are we going to do," she thought again as
she looked at my sleeping body.  "I love you Samantha," Lauri whispered as
she rolled back over and fell asleep.

The early morning sunlight shining through awoke me.  I felt something
heavy on me.  I realized Lauri's arm was draped over me.  I smiled to myself
at how nice that was that she was all cuddled up to me.  I wondered if she
did that in her sleep and realized that she had her arm around me.  I didn't
want to startle her so I slightly moved feigning sleep to just see if
Lauri would reposition her arm or stay in that position.  As I slightly
moved out of reach, she followed moving her arm around me again.

Hmm...I wondered.  Is she still sleeping?  This time I reached my arm towards
her and held her hand.  I slightly caressed her hand as my back was still
turned from her.  I felt her move a little now.  I rolled towards her.  Her
eyes were still shut.  I looked at her beautiful face as she still lay
sleeping, at least I think she was still sleeping.  I gently caressed her
face, running my fingers down her jawline.  She still laid still.

I leaned in a little closer and slightly kissed her lips.  Still no response.
I let my fingers trail down her neck to the crevice of her breasts.  Do I
dare go any further I thought to myself.  I felt my body beginning to become
a little warmer.  I shouldn't do it, but the temptation was too much for me.
I trailed my fingers down her jaw, her neck again, then I remained still as
my fingers ran so daringly close to her breast.  I went a little further down
her crevice.  Still no movement.  It shouldn't hurt, I thought, she's still
sleeping.  I began to feel a wetness start between my legs...damn I thought.
I really need to touch myself, for her to touch me.   I guess I must be
feeling better I smiled to myself if that area of my body is functioning okay.

I stopped.  Lauri slightly moved so I stayed very still.  She seemed to have
fallen back to sleep again, so I began tracing my fingers down her crevice
again so slowly creeping towards her nipple.  I traced around the material
that covered around her nipple.  Her nipple instantly became hard.  I traced
my fingers to her other breast, and slightly but slowly traced around her
other nipple.  I couldn't help myself but squeeze her breast a little.

I wanted her so bad, but in the condition I was in, I was in no condition
yet for love making, or whether her and I would even go that far, I wasn't
sure.  She was so beautiful there and still sleeping.  And I was so wet.
I let my hand slip into my underwear and began to stroke myself.  I had
been so turned on by touching her that I had to release myself.

I turned over to my back away from Lauri and opened my legs a little more.
Lauri was still sleeping so I pulled my underwear down a little and spread
myself open a little more.  I let my fingers enter me.  It felt so good.
I needed more and began to thrust my fingers a little deeper.  With each
thrust of my fingers I let out a little moan.  I had to keep quiet cause I
didn't want to wake her.  I felt myself nearing my climax.  It didn't take
long for I was already so turned on by fantasizing that Lauri was doing this
to me that it pushed me over the edge.  I let my fingers now focus on my
clit, stroking faster now, and that last stroke of my clit pushed me over
the edge and I climaxed right there.  I muffled a little moan as my orgasm
ripped through me.  My sweat now soaking my clothes.  I let out a big sigh
of air as I had been trying to hold my breath and not make any noise as I
had touched myself.

Lauri was still sleeping, so I pushed myself up.  The crutches were leaning
against the bed so I reached for them, and got up and walked, or I should
say more like limped as best you can with crutches.   I wanted to clean the
musk smell and sweat off of me before Lauri woke up so I headed to the
bathroom.

As soon as Samantha left the room Lauri moved and let out a big sigh.
She had been awake the whole time and heard everything.  Lauri felt Samantha
caress her face, moving slightly down her jawline and neck. At first she was
about to move to let Samantha know she was awake but then decided to wait to
see what Samantha was going to do. Plus she didn't want Samantha to stop.
She wanted Samantha to touch her more, she wanted to reach around and
touch her as well and let Samantha know that she wanted her, but she didn't
know what to do.  She was scared about these new feelings so she laid there
still feigning sleep as she felt Samantha's hand move further down her neck
to her breasts.  Samantha caressed her nipple, then moving to her other
breast.  Lauri held her breath trying not to let out a moan as Samantha
squeezed and caressed at her breasts.  She felt her wetness between her legs
and the need to touch herself.

Samantha rolled over.  Thank God, Lauri thought to herself.  I don't think I
could have held it in much longer with her continuing to touch me like that.
But then all of a sudden she heard little moaning noises. Lauri opened her
eyes slightly and looked at Samantha out of the corner of her eyes while she
still feigned sleep.  Samantha was on her back, her legs were open and
underwear down a little.  Oh shit, Lauri thought to herself, she's touching
herself.

Lauri suddenly felt a flood of wetness through her underwear.  She laid
very still cause she didn't want to disturb Samantha but her center was so
hot and her breathing was becoming very rapid with each sound she heard
Samantha make.   She wanted Samantha to touch her so bad.  She wanted to
reach down and touch her clit but she didn't want to make any movement.
Hearing Samantha was turning her on so much. It was pure torture for Lauri.
She was hoping Samantha would climax soon so she could get up and run to the
bathroom and release herself.  Then she heard Samantha let out one last
moan as she felt the bed shake a little as Samantha's orgasmed.

Lauri's heart was beating so fast that she was sure that Samantha must know
she was awake.  She tried to calm her breathing as she laid still.  She felt
Samantha get up and walk out.  Lauri wanted to ask if she needed any help
to get up but then Samantha would know she was awake and she didn't want to
embarrass her so she lay there still waiting to see if Samantha could get
out of bed herself, and she did.  As soon as Samantha left the room, Lauri
took a deep inhale and immediately touched herself and brought herself to an
orgasm while she kept an eye on the door to make sure Samantha didnt walk
back in on her, but she knew it would be awhile yet before Samantha would
get back.  Lauri orgasmed a few more times.  She had never felt such an
intense orgasm before as this, hearing Samantha and feeling her touch her
was more than she had ever felt before that it brought her to another level.

Lauri grabbed some towels from the linen closet and wiped herself up a
little as she waited for Samantha to return.  Samantha walked in a few
minutes later.  "Morning Lauri, I didn't know you were up yet?"

         "Morning Samantha.  Yes, I just got up a few minutes ago.  Were
         you able to get down to the bathroom okay?  You know you could
         have woke me if you needed help?"  Lauri said, though knowing all
         too well that she laid there awake listening to Samantha.

         "No, it was fine Lauri.  I guess I'm getting use to moving around
         a little better now and maneuvering a little better with these
         crutches.  So it wasn't a problem.  I have to move a little slower
         but I'm able to get there."  Samantha said smiling.

         "So are you up for some breakfast then?"  Lauri asked.

         "I sure am.  How bout you let me help as well."

         "Hmmm...I don't know Samantha.  I don't think your that better
         yet to be doing too much.  You know you still have to take it
         easy."

Yeah, if only you knew how better I was feeling, Samantha thought to herself.

         "Well, I'd still like to help some.  I don't want you slaving over
         the stove while I'm here."

         "I tell you what," Lauri said.  "How bout when your feeling much
         better than I'll let you cook a nice dinner for me.  That's fair
         isn't it?"

         "Okay, Lauri.  For now anyway."  I said smiling at her.

         "Why don't you go get washed up then.  There's some towels and
         washcloths in the bathroom.  I know you can't get your cast wet
         so just wash up in the tub.  I know how much of a pain that is but
         look on the bright side, the doctor did say in a few more weeks to
         call him to set up an appointment to have it removed."  Lauri said
         with warmth in her voice.

         "Okay, your right Lauri."  I grabbed some of my clothes and tucked
them under one of my arms.  Lauri saw how difficult it was for me and took
my clothes from my hand and helped me down the stairs.  I went off to the
bathroom to clean up as Lauri went to the kitchen to prepare for breakfast.

Not long after I could smell bacon and eggs cooking.  Mmmm...it smelt so
good and was watering my mouth.  I guess I was getting a little hungry, a
sure good sign that I was getting back to my old self again.  I loved to
eat.  I always tried to keep in shape and exercised as much as I could before
cause I always made up for it with my appetite.  And with me gaining my
appetite back again meant that I was on my way to recovery.  Well my early
morning actions should have proven that to me, I thought smiling to myself
as I continued to wash myself up.

I changed into some shorts and another t-shirt.  This one was bigger and
baggier on me so I was able to get it on without any help this time.  But
I felt my ribs not feeling so tight anymore so I could move a little better
and seemed a little more flexible anyway.  My bruises seemed to be fading
as well and lessening quite a bit.  I guess I should be glad that I didn't
look like death anymore, my brother's words to be exact, as I remember him
saying those words to get me to accept Lauri's offer of help.

Well soon I would be totally recovered, I frowned to myself, which meant soon
I wouldn't be at Lauri's anymore.  I knew I couldn't overstay my welcome,
nor could I fake not healing as quickly either.   I guess I was just
enjoying myself too much at Lauri's now and I really enjoyed her company.
I felt so close to her now.  We shared so much together up to this point,
that I didn't want to go backwards...I didn't want to lose her and how much
we had gained so far.  Last night we made such headway with each other, and
then to even kiss again.  I don't know where this will lead.  I'm so scared
of being so hurt by her, and being so vulnerable to her, but I'm afraid at
this point it's a bit too late for me.  I'm already so crazy in love with
her that I can't back out now.  My heart is in it too deeply, I said to
myself as I looked into the bathroom mirror.

I know what I said to her last night about not rushing things, or putting
any pressure on each other to be anything more than friends, but I sure hope
that our kiss was any indication that she wants more.  Well, I sure hope so.

I know she wants this, I just have to make it happen somehow.  I finished up
in the bathroom while all these thoughts rushed through my head.   I heard
Lauri banging away with the dishes.  Breakfast smelled really good.  Well
for now I'm hungry, let's begin there first Samantha, then we'll come up
with how we can seduce Lauri.  I smiled at that thought.