Date: Wed, 16 Jun 1999 20:39:56 -0700 (PDT) From: D Laws <deeannlaws@yahoo.com> Subject: My Secret Love Part Five MY SECRET LOVE By D. Laws Warning: This does contain material involving same sex relations, if you are offended by this in any way then don't read it. This is only for fun, and not meant for anything else. Part Five So, I thought to myself, how am I going to do this? I have to be subtle in my ways somehow. Thoughts of how I might seduce Lauri ran through my head for the better part of the day. But I came to the conclusion that it wouldn't be me to be the one making the moves, I had to be subtle enough to make her do it. This had to be her, and she would have to be the one who wanted this with me, well, I would have to make her think that way. This wouldn't be easy, I thought, considering I had never done this before and am usually a very unaggressive or assertive type person. I'm not use to making the first move or doing anything like this, but I wanted Lauri to be a part of my life. I wanted her to want me as well, and to want this. I can't force her into anything, she'll have to want this for herself. And that would be my whole plan somehow. I planned in my head that this is what I would do, as each day went by and I recovered more and felt better anyway that I would be more subtle in my ways of undressing in front of her and doing things like that. Maybe I would gently brush my hand against her breast without even realizing it...hmmm...yes that's good, I smiled to myself. Well that's my plan anyway, but we'll see how it goes. I continued to sit there on the couch in my thoughts pondering away, not even realizing that Lauri had been staring at me. "Samantha, what are you thinking about? You seem pretty quiet over there. What...you didn't like my breakfast?" Lauri said smiling as she came and sat next to me on the couch with a little concern though in her voice. "Um...Just thinking about some things is all." "Really, well I hope nothing too serious anyway. Is everything okay? Your feeling okay, aren't you?" "Yeah, I'm fine Lauri. Just have a few things on my mind is all." "Are you thinking about what happened with us last night? I hope you don't think that our kiss didn't mean anything to me, cause it did. And..." I interrupted Lauri. "No, Lauri, I know it meant something to you. Believe me Lauri I could tell that it did." I said smiling as I looked at her. "That's not what's on my mind here. I guess I'm just thinking about other things, about school, and things like that. How I am going to graduate and take the boards with missing so much with clinical lab now, and just a few other things on my mind, but nothing to be concerned about, really...okay?" "Hmmm..." Lauri thought. "Samantha, actually I have been doing some checking around for you and been talking to the dean of the school here. And as far as your board exams, well, unfortunately you'll still have to wait till you can complete your required clinical hours before you can take them and get licensed to work. But on the good side here, I was told though that you still will be able to graduate with the class and receive your diploma." "Really, that's great news!" I screamed with overjoy. "So your saying somehow I'll have to make up my clinical hours here, or do I do it somewhere else?" "Well, I haven't checked that far into yet, whether you do it here or not, but I'm sure that will be easily enough to do, but the good news is that you do have enough to be able to graduate." I was so happy that I just about knocked Lauri over hugging her with excitement. "I think that's wonderful news Lauri, and I'm so grateful to you for checking that out for me. I can't thank you enough!" I screamed again hugging her. I pulled back in pain after yelping a little. "Are you okay?" Lauri said with concern as I grabbed at my ribs and grimaced a little. "Yeah, it's fine Lauri. Guess I got a bit over excited there." I smiled a little while still in some pain. Lauri just gave me one of her frowns of disapprovement there as we sat on the couch and continued to talk. I was glad though that Lauri had done some checking for me cause I had been somewhat concerned with school, but my real thoughts were on her that day, and just focusing on recovering the next few weeks anyway. We sat for awhile and just had another lazy day relaxing on the couch and watching tv. Lauri had to get back to work the next day so I would be at her house alone for awhile, which I didn't mind so much, but I had come to enjoy her company and I actually think I would miss her for those few hours that she would be away, even though she did say she would stop back at lunch time and all, and call me periodically during the day if I needed her. She wanted to take another week off, but I told her I would be fine and that she really needed to get back to school. We discussed it for awhile but I think she knew as well that she had to get back, and that she couldn't keep saying she was sick or having family problems for time off. No one at school knew I was staying with her. They had heard about the accident but assumed I guess that my brother was helping me out. Lauri was still concerned about me getting around okay on my own but I talked her into agreeing that I would be fine on my own. Besides it had been a few weeks since the accident and I was actually recovering faster than I had even thought. That thought alone though frightened me cause I knew that more than likely I would be back at my own apartment sooner than I thought as well and that Lauri would be back to her own life with her kids and husband. We still didn't discuss the extent of her problems with her husband, nor the reason why they separated, or for that matter where I fit into all of this, but I just figured she would tell me when she was ready. This time together was wonderful, the sharing and intimate talks we did have brought us closer together. I would have never imagined her to be this way in school, so soft and warm, and loving. I guess the teacher image she displayed in school was just her rough exterior she shows to people, but once you really get to know her, she is truly an remarkable woman. And I felt so lucky that I got to see that side of her. That day and evening was like the night before. We didn't do too much other than relax and share more about our life, though she still didn't mention anything about her husband, so I didn't push it. We sat on the couch and I think we were about all talked out so we sat there in silence for awhile. At every chance I got, I tried to casually always make some type of physical contact with her, whether that was slightly brushing my hand against her arm or leg while we talked or anything to just trigger any response in her. This would yet be the beginning of my seduction games, I thought to myself. By the end of this week, or later she'll definitely be so frustrated and then maybe I could move on to the next plan of mine. I snapped out of my thoughts, and had an idea. "Hey, Lauri. Do you have any games, or cards? How bout we play something?" I said breaking the silence. "Hmmm...well let me think here." Lauri pondered. "Well as far as I know Samantha all I have around the house is kid's games, but I do think I have a deck of cards somewhere. I'm not very good at cards though. My husband has a pool table down stairs though." "Well what card games do you know?" "Not too many Samantha, a little poker is about it" "Well, I'm not too good either, but poker sounds good. How bout we play a little. It beats having the tv on all night anyway." "Okay, that sounds good. Let me go search my kitchen drawers here, I think I saw them around here the other day." Lauri got up and went into the kitchen and I could hear her banging around looking for the cards. This could be pretty interesting I imagine, I thought to myself as I took a sip of my coke. A few minutes later Lauri walked in with a couple of deck of cards. "Samantha, how bout a night cap. I'm sure a little one wouldn't hurt, in fact, it may help you feel a little better, and sleep better tonight as well." "Hmm...actually that does sound good. I don't think the doctor would have any objections, and it has been a few weeks now, actually it's been longer than that now, hasn't it Lauri? It's been probably a month now I would say, and anyway I do feel pretty good other than my leg and sore ribs, so yeah, why not. What do you have?" "Well, we have an array of selections here that my husband keeps in the house. We have tequilla, whiskey, Sambucha, vodka, wine...you name it I think we have it." "Well, hmmm...I guess I shouldn't go too heavy, but vodka and club soda sounds good." "Okay, that sounds pretty good to me as well, so I might join you with that." Lauri rushed off to the kitchen again and prepared our drinks. "Samantha, do you want ice with that?" "Yeah, that would be fine Lauri. Thanks." I said yelling out to her. Lauri walked back in with two glasses of drinks and handed mine to me. We both took a couple of sips of our drinks and placed them on the table near the couch. Lauri took the cards out of the packet and started to shuffle them. "So what do you want to play, jacks or better than?" "Yeah, that's good. I'm not that good at poker anyway. So something simple will be fine." "Well," Lauri said smiling at me as she continued to shuffle and pass out the cards. "How bout we make this interesting?" "What do you mean." I said looking puzzled at her. "Well, if we can't play for money, and I know we can't cause we're both in binds with that," she said looking up at me, "but how about a little truth or dare type of game who ever wins each hand the other person has to do what the other person dares them, or they can opt for truth." "Truth or dare, huh?" I looked away in thought. So who's the one being sneaky here, I thought. It looks like she's the one playing games with me. Well two can sure play at this game, darn if only I was much better than I could really show her a game or two. "Okay Lauri, we can do that if you think you dare." I said laughing. "Alright Samantha" Lauri said smiling as she handed the cards out. I looked at my cards and held them closer to me. I had one king, and two seven's. It wasn't a very good hand but I opted to hang onto the sevens for a three of a kind. We both discarded the ones we didn't want. "Okay, what you got?" I said. Lauri laid out two pair of nines, and fours. "So beat that" she said smiling. "Okay, sure will." And I laid my three of a kind on the table of the seven's I had got. "Hmmm..." Lauri laughed. "So you won that hand, so what do you want to do about it...truth or dare Samantha?" This was her game so I wasn't sure about that yet, and I was actually quite nervous. Sure I had in my mind of how I would try and seduce her but when it comes down to it, I'm such a wus, coward, yeah I admit it. So I thought for awhile, I could have her kiss me again, but no that would be too easy. "Okay, anything...right Lauri?" "Yep, you won, so go ahead lay it on me." I reached and took another sip of my drink, feeling a bit nervous so I had to take a few more sips here. I cleared my throat. "Okay, I give you a choice of any particular clothing you would like to remove, and that's it, well not quite, it has to be, let's see...okay..." I smiled wickedly at her. "It has to be an under garment of some sort, your choice, underwear or your bra Lauri? Cough it up." I said laughing not expecting her to actually go through with it. Lauri looked at me and smiled back. So Samantha, she thought to herself, want to get a bit daring huh, well, we'll see just how far your willing to go, Lauri thought as she stood up and reached up under her shirt and unsnapped her bra and threw it in my face. I didn't see anything though, damn, I thought. Lauri was about a size C I would say, bigger than me but I would love to get a look at her breasts under that shirt I thought wickedly, among other things. My thoughts began to wander off to remembering the feel of her breast in my hand so soft and firm and vuluptuous and... Oh well, I'll have to win the next hand. We weren't wearing much anyway other than our shorts and t-shirts since it was a hot summer day and evening so I figured it wouldn't take long before...well let's see I thought to myself smiling. I took Lauri's bra and looked at it and smiled. "Nice," I said smiling looking over at Lauri. She just gave me a quick smirk and sat back down and we reshuffled the cards and started another hand. "Okay, give me two more here." I said. "Okay, show me what you have Samantha, your turn" I laid down another three of a kind. "there you go, " I said smiling. "Beat that!" Lauri looked at me straight faced, and then threw down a flush. "I win," She said all happy. "Damn!!" "Okay, Samantha, now let's see what can I make you do. I guess it's only fair I make you remove an item of clothing as well since you so lovely had me remove mine. So how bout your bra as well." I looked at Lauri and gave her a pout. "Okay, I guess it's only fair." I turned around lifted up my shirt and removed my bra, then pulled my shirt back down and sat down throwing my B cup size into Lauri's lap. She smiled at me and thanked me for her nice item of clothing. "Alright, you want to play nasty huh Lauri." I said jokingly. "Well I'm going to kick your butt here at poker, no more nice guy." "Oh, really, Samantha. You think so huh? Well, we'll see about that now won't we. Let's just see who's the one still dressed at the end of the night shall we." She just looked at me raising her eyebrows at me with a smirky expression that made me want to just take her right there. It was turning out to be a playful evening I would say anyway. I saw Lauri finish off her drink and asked me if I wanted another. I was still working on the same one so I had said no, so she went into the kitchen and poured herself another and came and sat back down. So we played another hand, but this time I won. "I think a full house will do it." I said smiling at Lauri. "So who's winning now?" I said mockingly. Lauri gave me a snarl. "Okay, so what's next Samantha, give it to me." Lauri picked up her drink and took a few more sips while awaiting my next move. "Well since we seem to be on the clothing topic I think I would definitely like to remain in that category for a bit anyway, so now how about your underwear this time, though you can still wear your shorts if you want." I said seductively and smiled at her. "Your so cruel Samantha," Lauri said all the while smiling at me. "Come on, give it up." Lauri turned around and went behind the couch so I couldn't see her. She came back around holding her underwear in her hands and threw them at me. I started to laugh at her pouty expression as she sat back down and drank some more of her drink. I was wondering how much she was going to drink considering she did have to go into work the next day, but I wasnt complaining, if she wanted to drink, than that was fine with me. I noticed a little wet spot in her underwear, and smiled to myself. I wonder where that came from I thought. I found my thoughts wandering to images of me tasting her wetness between her legs, and found myself getting all wet in thought. My center was definitely getting a bit warmer now and the vodka wasn't helping either, the combination of the two was making me pretty horny, especially seeing Lauri sitting over there so sexy and beautiful. "Come on Samantha, what are you waiting for?" "What...what did you say Lauri?" "I said your move. Do you need any more cards?" "Oh," I looked down at the cards before me and hadn't realized we had started another hand. I guess my thoughts were elsewhere. "Okay, yep give me one...no, give me three more cards...okay, your turn, what do you have?" "A flush" "Damn!" I yelled out as I threw my cards down feigning that I had lost. "So I guess four of a kind doesn't beat that, does it?" I said laughing. Lauri looked at me all pissed. "Okay, Samantha, this is the last time I'm letting you win, so give me your best shot then?" "Oh really, okay, well this time I want you to remove your shirt" There was a few seconds of silence and I was going to back down and tell Lauri that it was alright that she didn't have to do it, but she got up and right in front of me she lifted her shirt off so slowly and seductively exposing her breasts to me. I just about gasped in shock. She was so beautiful, I hadn't imagined how beautiful she was underneath that clothing. I couldn't stop staring, I was just too much in awe of her beauty, and so turned on in the process that by this time my underwear was soaked. I didn't dare to think if she won and then got my underwear looking all wet like this. I think I would be a bit embarrassed to tell you the truth. Lauri smiled at me and sat back down. I couldn't stop staring. We played another hand. I couldn't pay attention to the game anymore, not with her sitting across from me so beautiful like that. I couldn't believe how at ease she was, well maybe it was the alcohol that was making her feel that way. I wasn't paying attention and lost that hand. "Finally," Lauri sighed. "Payback time Samantha," She said smiling at me. I suddenly got a bit nervous. "Okay, hand me over your underwear Samantha, but you can keep your shorts on as well though." I pulled myself up and grabbed my crutches and did as Lauri had done earlier. I walked around the couch and slipped off my underwear and pulled my shorts back up. I looked at my underwear, and they were soaked through. Oh shit, I thought. I nervously walked back. "Well, Samantha where is it?" I took a gulp of air and slowly brought forth my underwear into view. "There you go," I said and sat back down hiding the underwear behind my back. "I don't think so, Samantha, hand them over." "You really don't want them do you?" "You betcha I do, give them to me" She said leaning over playfully and snatching them from behind my back. Her breasts dangling right in front of my face as she did that. Lauri looked at me staring at her breasts and she quickly stole a quick kiss from me and sat back down before I even had a chance to respond to her kiss. She was being such a tease tonight, and definitely not her usual self being so openly seductive with me and sexy and all of that. It must be the alcohol, since she was already on her third drink or was it more now, I had stopped counting after she took her shirt off. My mind had been elsewhere the rest of the night after that, and it definitely wasn't on the game anymore. I pouted a bit as she sat back and viewed my underwear. I held my breath waiting for her response. But she didnt make any comment. She stared at my underwear for a bit, and I saw her run her fingers over the wet spot and then put them down behind her not saying a word to me. I was wondering how her shorts were at this time, whether she had any wet spots in there. I was so out of it by that time that I couldn't get my focus back to winning at the game anymore. We started another hand, at this point I was ready for quits but I figured a few more hands and then maybe we would quit cause I was getting a bit nervous and uncomfortable now. Sure I wanted to be with her, but I didn't want her drunk though, and I wanted to know it was her and not the alcohol making her act this way. I was getting a bit flustered. I lost the next hand. "You know Lauri, maybe we should play it quits for tonight." "No, you don't Samantha. Your not getting out of it that easily. I won this hand so we have to play it out. Only fair you know." I gave her a smirk, "Okay...okay, what do I have to do now?" "Getting a bit frustrated Samantha...oh poor baby. Your not winning anymore and your not having fun now huh?" She said jokingly. "Okay, this time Samantha it's your turn to take your top off." Oh God, I thought to myself. I wasn't sure I could do it, but Lauri was egging me on and she had did it when I told her too, so I figured that it was only fair. I reached for my drink and shot the rest of it down and sucked in a gulp of air and nervously pulled my shirt off. I pulled my shirt over my breasts hiding them. At that moment Lauri reached over and snatched it out of my hand exposing my breasts to her. I felt so inadequate to her. She was bigger and so beautiful, and I felt so small. But Lauri didn't say a word. She sat back staring at me as well in shock, awe..I wasn't sure. I hung my head a little. Lauri spoke up. "Samantha, your beautiful. Look at me Samantha, please." I looked up at her slowly. She moved closer to me and reached up and cupped my face, "I hope you know how beautiful you are Samantha, you take my breath away." And with that she leaned closer to me and pressed her lips into mine. I pressed myself into her even more as our kiss grew deeper. I felt my passion building up within me. I felt her tongue enter my mouth as our bodies became on fire. Her hands pulled me into her even more forcing my tongue to go harder and deeper as our passion took control. Her hands held my face as she kissed me so deeply, searching and probing her tongue deeper and further into my mouth driving my body so on fire for her. I felt my wetness between my legs increasing as our built up passion from the past month or so was finally released between us. We had waited so long for this moment that it was hard to have any control over our situation. I felt her breasts pressed into mine and my nipples hardened at contact. I couldn't help but reach my hand up and squeeze her breast. I grabbed a handful of her breast and squeezed harder as our kiss grew harder. Our moans and grunts were all that were heard as we hardly gave each other time to get a breath between our kisses. For the first time I felt her hand around my breast squeezing and pulling on my nipple. She moaned even more as she felt my breast in her hand. We laid back on the couch continuing to kiss as our bodies pressed into each other. Lauri was careful not to put her whole weight on me and was careful since I wasn't totally recovered yet, but at this point I didn't care if I was in pain, I just wanted her body pressed into me and her close to me. I didn't want her to stop. I encouraged her to continue and not to worry. She had pulled back and asked if I was fine, and I just pulled her into me even more as I kissed her again. My center was so hot and wet at this point that my shorts felt soaked completely through. As we continued to kiss I pushed my hips up into her, pressing my center into hers as I felt her grind her hips into mine as well. We both moaned into our kiss as we felt our center pressed into each other. She moved down my body to my breasts. I felt her tongue licking and sucking at my nipple as her hand squeezed and caressed at my breast pulling my nipple deeper into her mouth. I arched my back up, pressing my breasts into her more and I gasped each time she sucked harder pulling me into her even more. She pulled up and kissed me deeply again. I reached my hand down and slipped my fingers into her shorts. I heard her gasp and let out a moan as she felt my fingers enter her. She was so wet and so hot that it turned me on so much. She arched her back, and pushed up on her arms as I began to thrust deeper into her. She thrusted her hips in rhthym as my fingers entered her. I let my fingers stroke her clit, each time hearing her moan even louder. I felt her nearing climax, and wanted to go down on her and taste her so bad, to taste her wonderful cum. Then suddenly with no warning she pulled away and pushed my hand out of her. "What's wrong, why did you stop?" I said all flustered from the heat of the moment and concerned that maybe I had done something wrong or that I had hurt her. Lauri got up found her shirt and put it on and zipped up her shorts. "I'm sorry Samantha, I can't do this. It's not right. I'm so sorry for getting you all worked up like this. But I just can't do this." I was totally shocked. Did I miss something here, wasn't it her the one who started this dare game and started to seduce me? "What the hell is wrong, why can't you do this? Did I do something wrong? Weren't you the one who started this? And wasn't it you who kissed me last night and told me you loved me, and now again this tonight?" "It's not you Samantha. Oh God, don't think that. Your so beautiful and so attractive, and I do want to be with you so bad, but I can't. I am attracted to you, but I can't do this to my husband. I'm sorry. I feel like I would be cheating on him, and despite him and I being separated and me being hurt by him, I still can't do it. I do love you Samantha, please do know that but this just confuses me too much right now and I just can't do this, I'm sorry." I sat there in total shock. I was at a loss for words. I wanted to lash out at her for doing this to me, getting me to feel so much for her to only pull away again. "Can you hand me my shirt please" I said rather cooly to her. I put my shirt on and stood up and redid my pants and grabbed the crutches as the silence and tension built up between us. I looked back at Lauri as I headed up the stairs. "I guess I'm the one who is confused Lauri. One minute you kiss me and then push me away like you did before the accident, and then after all that we have gone through you finally are honest with me about your feelings and that day. You kiss me again and tell me you love me, and then tonight, leading me to believe that you want this and then, this happens? You run hot and cold Lauri, and I can't be put through this again. I love you too much to be pulled around and to be hurt like this. I can't go on either like this. I should have never come here Lauri to stay with you, but I'm here now, so as soon as I'm well enough I'll be out of your hands. I'm sorry for ever putting you in this position, I guess I should have never expected anything of you since you do love your husband and are trying to work things out with him, and I'm sorry for that." I said saddly, and with that I turned my back and went up the stairs. I entered the room and slowly changed clothes. I was exhausted emotionally and didn't know how I was going to stay on much longer with things like this. I just wanted to get out of her house as soon as possible, forget about my earlier seducing thoughts, it was over with, and I wasn't about to force or push anything on her anymore. I'm just so tired of these emotional games with her, and how it affects me. She has this hold or pull over me that I can't seem to break free off. It almost destroyed me a few weeks ago with the accident and I can't allow myself to let it do that to me again. As much as I love her and want to be a part of her life, I just can't be on her rollercoaster anymore. My thoughts were drowning me. I sat on the edge of the bed feeling that my heart had been destroyed once again by this woman as I felt the old so familiar tears run down my face. I took a deep inhale after a few minutes and climbed in under the covers and shut the lights off. Lauri stayed down stairs after she saw Samantha go up the stairs. She wanted to say she was sorry, that she didn't know what to do, that she was scared but the words just wouldn't come out right. "Why do you always fuck things up Lauri?" she screamed at herself as she flung her glass against the wall. Broken glass shattered everywhere, but Lauri didn't care. She had hurt the best thing ever to have come into her life, and for the life of her she couldn't let her know that or let herself allow to feel anything for this girl. Why was she so scared to feel anything for Samantha? Why was she afraid to love her? Her own fears was destroying them both. Samantha woke up with a jolt as she heard something shatter down stairs. She wanted to call out to see if Lauri was okay but she really at that point wasn't in the mood to really bother, so she just laid their in her somber thoughts again. She heard Lauri come up soon after. Samantha's back was turned and the lights were off so Lauri didn't know that she was still awake or not. Samantha heard Lauri crying near the edge of the bed. She wanted to reach out to her but knew that she couldn't. "Samantha are you still awake?" Lauri called out to her. "yes, Lauri I am" "Can we talk?" "Lauri at this point what is really left to talk about, haven't we've talked enough already anyway. It seems that is all that we do is talk...talk about why this or that. I can't talk anymore Lauri. I'm too tired...I'm too tired emotionally with all of this." Lauri was quiet for awhile not sure of what to say. She changed clothes and got under the covers and rolled over nearer to Samantha to talk to her. "Samantha, can you turn towards me please?" Samantha rolled over and looked at Lauri in the dim light. "Samantha, there is no excuse for what I did down stairs or the way I have treated you the past few weeks with my fickleness going back and forth with my behavior towards you and my emotions. But I do want you to know one thing, everything I have said to you is the truth. When I told you the other night that I love you and when we kissed that all meant so much to me,and tonight did as well. I can't explain it to you, why I'm so scared to go any further with you or why I'm having such a hard time resolving this, when I don't know myself. But I am sorry for everything, for hurting you and for putting you through so much. I wish so much this was easier for me. I want to love you and make love to you but I don't know how to get beyond my fears, I don't know what I want. And...I just..I.." Lauri began to cry and couldn't continue on. She didn't know whatelse to say to Samantha, or how she could ever make it up to her. I didn't know how to respond to her crying. I was upset with her and angry with her, but no matter what I couldn't stay that angry despite everything that had happened I still loved her, so I reached up and wiped away her tears and hugged her. I pulled her into me and just held her and comforted her. I didn't know how I was going to handle this damn situation with her and her husband, but I guess I was in over my head now. She was so confused with everything that she didn't know what she wanted, and unfortunately I was the one stuck in the middle, the one getting pushed and pulled around and hurt in this. But for the life of me I kept getting sucked back in. I couldn't turn my back on her no matter how hard I had wanted to, nor how much she had hurt me I would still be there for her through all of this whether that would be only in friendship or not. At this point I just had hoped to get through the next few weeks with some sanity left within me. I held Lauri close to me that night as we both drifted off to sleep in each other's arms as I tried to hang onto what was left of my sanity that night as well and just wished for a better tomorrow.