Date: Tue, 2 Sep 2003 05:56:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: HW
Subject: Sara

I'd seen her around campus for several weeks.  She looked like
someone I wanted to know, someone that I could be friends with.  It
was only later, when I spotted her that one afternoon that I also
wanted her.  She was walking with some other girls past the music
building.  The other girls were well put together for nine o'clock in
the morning; make-up jewelry, preppie clothes--but she was
different.  She walked with them but seemed to be in her own world.
She listened to what they said as they walked; smiling and laughing,
but there was an air of detachment about her reposes.  Unlike the
others, she was wearing cut-off jeans and a T-shirt.  Her light- brown
hair hung down to her shoulders. Her flawless skin was golden
brown; she'd probably been to the beach that summer, but I doubt
that she'd spent hours trying to perfect a tan.  It was a natural tone.
She stood about 5'6' in her sneakers. There was a certain bounce in
her walk that complimented her beautiful athletic body.
	That first day that I saw her was a rough day for me.  My
boyfriend and I had spoken on the phone that morning and it was
clear that it was over between us. He was a thousand miles away at
another college and his phone conversations were evasive.  I couldn't
get him to open up to me, to share his feelings, and his letters were
hopeless.  I'd called him first thing that morning and we talked for
nearly an hour.  I finally got him to admit that he wanted to break
up, that he'd met someone new.  I was hurt, but I'd known since the
end of the summer that the end was near and it was a relief when he
finally said that we should see other people.
	So I'd left the dorm in a bittersweet mood.  I went to the dining
hall alone and picked through some rubbery scrambled eggs and
potatoes.  I tried to keep from crying, but I couldn't help the tears
that flowed while I sat there in a room full of strangers.  I left and
took the long walk to class, through town and past the Arts campus.
	She smiled as I passed her, the path was narrow and her
sorority girl friends didn't even bother to look as they passed me.  I
stepped out of the walkway and let them go. She looked up as I
passed and smiled.  "Sorry," she said.
	"That's okay," I said.  She passed me and looked back for a
moment.  She had beautiful green eyes. I met her gaze and turned
and walked away.  Something happened to me at that moment.  I
knew I wanted to be her friend, but I also was moved by her beauty.
I felt that something happened between us at that moment.  All I
knew was that when my eyes met hers my heart skipped for a
second, and that feeling scared me.  I couldn't sort out my feelings at
first, but when I saw her again, a few days later, reading outside the
theater building, I knew that what I might be feeling was a crush.
	She was sitting on the steps in front of the building, in the
shade provided by a tree.  Again, she was in cut-off and sneakers,
and again something swooned inside me.  Something made her look
up from her book and meet my eyes. She smiled.  I smiled and gave
her a little wave and rushed into the building.  I didn't know what to
do.  After class I went outside and hoped that she would still be
under the tree.  She wasn't.  I went back to my dorm feeling a little
depressed.  I was still hurting from my break-up with Dan, but now
there was this feeling of urgency about this person.  A girl. A
stranger.  I didn't even know her name. I didn't know where she
lived.  It could be months before we crossed paths again.
	The following Saturday, I went to see "Breathless" at the Arts
building. I couldn't get any of my friends to go with me.  They all had
the same complaint: "subtitles." But when I got to the theater, and
saw her walk inside and buy a ticket, I silently thanked each and
every one of them for being so narrow-minded.  I picked up my pace
and practically ran into the building, talking my place on line right
behind her. She turned around and glanced at me and did a double-
take.
	"Oh, hi!" she said.
	"Hi,"
	She smiled and offered her hand.
	"We haven't actually met, have we?"
	"No," I said.
	"I'm Sara."
	"I'm Jen."
	"Nice to meet you."
	We stood there looking at each other for a few seconds and
then she turned away as if she was embarrassed by our meeting.
Finally she spoke again. "I couldn't get anyone to come with me," she
said.
	"Subtitles?" I asked.
	"Yeah...my friends are so lame."
	"Mine too."
	"Oh well..." She looked at the floor again and I could tell that
she was as nervous as I was, even though we'd just met.  The line
moved quickly and we went inside the theater and sat down
together.
	The movie was great. It made me want to cut my hair, leave
school and fly to Paris.  Sara felt the same way, and she couldn't stop
talking about Jean Seberg as we walked through the campus to a cafe
next to a bookstore.
	"I saw her in this really weird movie," she said.  "With Warren
Beatty."  She told me about Lilith, this 60s movie set in a mental
hospital.
	"For rich people," she said.  "They get to hang out in a beautiful
old mansion, they take walks, ride bikes, play chess and read."
	"Sounds great ."
	"Of course things go totally wrong....they fall in love, Warren
Beatty can't deal with the fact that Lilith is crazy, that everyone is
obsessed with her...he's obsessed with her."
	"She's beautiful."
	"Her hair is long in this one...she looks totally different....more
grown up.  There's a scene where Warren Beatty follows her to this
barn....she's holding hands with this other woman patient..."
	I gasped.  "No way!"
	"He waits until after they've finished and then slaps her...I
won't tell you what happens at the end.  We'll have to watch it
together sometime."
	"Sounds cool.  We could rent it."
	"Or wait until it's on TV sometime.  It's one of those old black
and white movies that always seems to be on."
	We sat down at the cafe and talked for a couple of hours.  She
told me almost everything about herself.  She'd grown up mostly in
Los Angeles, her parents, whom both worked in the movie business,
were divorced. Her mother had moved to New York after the break-
up and she'd spent the summer in Manhattan and she'd loved every
minute.
	"I want to live there after college," she said. "Work for a
museum or something...anything but the movies."
	I told her about myself, about growing up in a boring
midwestern suburb and about John, my boyfriend and how we'd just
broken up the week before. She seemed interested in everything I
had to say.  She'd just broken up with someone herself, but she
"didn't want to get into it."  So we talked about other things.  I just
couldn't stop smiling. I felt so comfortable with her, and she seemed
to feel the same way with me, so when she invited me up to her
room, I just assumed that we'd just become friends, nothing more
and would just hang out all night talking.  But when I entered her
room and sat down on her bed I noticed that she'd become very
quiet.
	"Do you want a drink?" she asked.
	"Sure," I said.
	She went to her little dorm refrigerator and pulled out a large
bottle of white wine.  "Can you get those glasses off the shelf?" she
asked, pointing to a small shelf over her desk.
	I stood up and went over and took the glasses and handed
them to her.  She poured us each a big glass. She clinked her glass
onto mine.  "To new friends," she said.
	"New friends."
	We sat down again and she let out a heavy sigh.  She seemed
nervous. "What's the matter?"  I asked.
	"Oh, nothing really...it's just that I don't think I've been totally
honest with you."
	I looked at her as she pushed her hair back and took a big sip
of the white wine.
	"Oh?"
	"It's about my lover, my former lover, actually...we broke up
right before I came here."
	"Your boyfriend?"
	"Girlfriend."
	I stared at her and my heart began beating very fast, it was as
if I'd instinctively known all along and had been drawn to her for
that very reason.  It scared me.
	"Okay," I said.
	She touched my knee and then touched my hair.
	"But you knew that didn't you?"
	I stood up and turned away from her, staring at the
photographs of her roommate that cluttered the wall above her bed.
	"It's okay," she said.  "It wasn't like I was going to attack
you...unless you wanted me too."
	I turned around. I wanted her to do it more than anything, but
everything was happening too fast and I wasn't sure that I wanted to
let go at that moment. I put down my glass and grabbed my jacket.
	"Maybe I should go," I said.
	"Okay," she said.
	"This is just happening too fast for me.  I don't know how to
feel about this.  I like you.  I like you a lot, but I just don't know."
	"It's okay."
	She hugged me, but it was awkward, and I left her room
feeling terrible, but sure that I'd done the right thing.  It was only
later when I woke up in the middle of the night that I might have
made a mistake and I cried myself to sleep, thinking that I might
never have a moment like that with her again.
	The next morning I slept late and walked uptown without
showering, just pulling on an old pair of jeans and a sweater and my
running shoes.  I wandered through the campus, ending up in the
town, looking at CDs and books at the campus bookstore.  I couldn't
stop thinking about her. I wanted to call, but I'd forgotten to get her
number and she didn't have mine.  I felt weird about going to her
dorm, but I just couldn't stop myself.
	I knocked twice.  I could hear her fumbling around in the
room.  Finally, she opened the door.  She was wearing her cut-offs
and a halter top, a maroon one with blue piping.  Her hair was down.
She looked beautiful.
	"Hi," she said.
	"Hi," I said.
	I came in and sat down on her bed.  She sat at her desk and
crossed her legs.  I stared at the downy hairs going up her thighs.  I
wanted her.
	"What's up?" she asked.
	"Can we talk?" I asked.
	"Sure," she said.
	"Are you okay?"
	She looked away.  "Yeah," she said.
	"Just forget it, Jen.  Let's pretend that it never happened."
	"What if I don't want to?"
	"Maybe I want you to."
	I didn't know what else to say.  It was as if she'd forgotten
everything. She couldn't look me in the eye. I got so frustrated that I
got up to leave.  As I passed her she grabbed my hand.
	"Don't go," she said. I stopped and moved toward her.  She put
her head against my chest and her arms round my waist. I touched
her hair and then bent down and kissed the top of her head.
	I pulled her off the chair and lead her to her bed.  She lay
down and reached for me. I got on the bed and lay next to her.  She
turned and faced me.  I touched her hair and took in her scent. Just
do it, I thought.  Just kiss her.  I brought my lips to hers and barely
brushed against them.  She didn't resist.  She moved toward me and
we brought our lips together again. She let out a deep breath. Her
eyes opened and looked at me. I put my arm around her waist and
pulled her toward me.  We kissed again.  "Finally," she whispered.
	I blushed.  "I know," I said.
	I laid back down on the bed and she put her head on my
shoulder.  There was a long silence between us.  I took her hand in
mine and our fingers interlocked.  "I was so afraid," I said.
	"Me too," She said.
	"Let's go slow.  I want this to be special."
	We kissed again and this time it was more passionate.  I could
feel her tongue enter my mouth.  I met it with mine and our mouths
opened wide. Her body felt so warm against mine. I put my hand
under her T-shirt and caressed the small of her back.  Her tongue
gently glided across my teeth and I met it with mine. She moved on
top of me and I wrapped my legs around hers .
	We just kissed and held each other for the rest of the
afternoon.  I couldn't stop smiling and neither could she. The next
few days were the same.  I would come over to her room when her
roommate went to her night class and we would spend a couple of
hours in her bed making out, holding each other, nothing more.
Nothing else seemed to exist.  I could barely pay attention in class
and I barely spoke to any of my other friends.

The following week, her father's girlfriend was coming to visit. Her
father's ex-girlfriend, actually, as they had broken up recently.  Sara
really liked her, and she seemed anxious about her visit and we saw
less of each other.  She said that Krista was very upset and that they
had a lot to talk about. I worried that she was avoiding me. We still
hadn't talked about what had happened, and as the days passed i
wondered if we ever would. Our phone conversations were brief, and
when i tried knocking on her door, no one answered.  I asked her
friend Kelly if she'd seen her around and she said that Krista had
arrived the night before. She'd seen them leave the dorm together.
She said that Krista was a reallly beautiful and sophisticated woman.
	"She looked a lot like Jennifer Garner's mom in Alias," she said.
	On Saturday, I went to the library early and tried to study, but
I couldn't, so I walked uptown and went to the record store. Nothing
caught my eye, I knew I shouldn't be spending money anyway.  As i
was leaving I saw her and Krista walking across the street. I
wondered what I should do.  My first instinct, of course, was to run
away.  It wasn't worth it.  I didn't deserve to be happy anyway.  Sara
didn't really like girls.  She was just playing with me. But then, as I
crossed the street and walked toward them, it hit me; they were
involved with each other.  Why else would she be pushing me away
like this?  The realization sent my stomach into knots and my face
felt flush.  Was this a good or a bad thing? I approached them.  I had
nothing to lose.  Krista saw me first and stared. I stared back and
then looked at Sara, who tried to smile, but still looked startled.
Krista looked over at Sara and back at me.  "Hi," I said. I was wearing
my hair down and a summer dress and sandals.  I knew I looked
good.
	"Hi," she said.
	"Hello,"  Krista said. "You're Jen?"
	"Yes,"  I said.
	She offered me her hand.  "Krista," she said.
	I stood for a minute longer, not knowing what to do next.
	I looked at Sara.  She looked cute.  She was dressed up, wearing
a short skirt and heels.  I stared at her feet.  She'd put nail polish on
them.  She caught me looking.
	"A pedicure," she said.  "Krista's treat."
	Krista rolled her eyes. "I've been trying to get her to do this for
months now."
	She looked at Krista and then at me.  "We were going to call
you later, see if you wanted meet up with us,"  Sara said.
	"Okay...," I said.
	Krista smiled at me.  She did look like the mother from Alias.
She was beautiful..It was intimidating.  She seemed to be looking me
over. I wondered if Sara told her anything.  She seemed nervous, as
if was going to say something wrong.  It was hard for me to relax.
	"Sara didn't tell me how pretty you were," Krista said.
	I blushed again.  "Thank you," I said. I couldn't help but stare
at the two of them. I wondered how much Sara had told Krista, if
she'd told her anything about us.  It was hard to know.  We stood for
another moment and then Sara said that they had to go shop for a
gift for her father and that they would call me later.  I left them
there and walked back to the dorm slightly dazed. I took a nap and
waited for them to call.  The afternoon turned into night.  I studied
some more and stared at the phone.  Then I decided to go by her
room. I knew that I shouldn't but I couldn't stop myself.  I had to
know what was going on.

The door was slightly ajar. I stood for a minute and listened.  I heard
some sounds coming from the room. I knocked.  No one answered.  I
opened the door and caught Sara and Krista in a romantic embrace,
kissing each other softly as tears flowed down their cheeks.  I turned
and closed the door, which knocked them out of their trance.  I could
hear Sara open the door and yell my name.  I didn't look back. I ran
back to my room and fell upon my bed.  I was inconsolable.
	The next few days were agony.  Sarah was never in her room
and my emails and phone messages went unanswered.  I didn't see
her at the dining hall or the gym.  I walked around in a daze,
spending most of my time in the library.
	Finally, on the following Friday, after catching a glimpse of her
in the dining hall during dinner, she called me and asked me to come
by her room.
	"Now?" I asked.  "Why don't we wait another week?"
	"Please, now," she said.
	I walked down the hall and down the stairs to her floor.  My
heart was pounding and I could barely say hello to some friend of
mine as I walked past them.  Sara's door was open.  I walked in. She
was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed.
	"Hi," she said.
	"Hi," I replied.  I smiled. She smiled. I sat down on her
roommate's bed, but I couldn't relax.  I sat up straight and planted
my feet on the rug.  Her hair was down and down her shoulders and
back.  She pushed some of it back.  I couldn't keep my legs from
shaking.
	"I'm not mad at you," she said.
	"I know," I said.
	"It's my fault, I forgot to lock the door."
	"No...it's my fault."
	"No...it's just that we were saying good-bye...nothing was
supposed to happen. But it's over now. For good. I just kissed her
goodbye."
	"Where is she going?"
	"Back to Los Angeles, we might not see each other for a while."
	"See each other?"
	"No...not like that.  We hadn't done that since the end of the
summer.  The weekend was a mistake."
	She looked down and bit her lip.  I swallowed hard.
	"So you and her..."
	"Yes...not here...back at her hotel...last night."
	I stood up. I tried to walk to the door.
	"Where are you going?" she asked.
	 "Sara, please," I said "I can't hear anymore."
  	She stood up as if in a trance and followed me to the door. She
took a deep breath.
	"We did everything," she said. "She kissed every inch of my
body and I kissed every inch of hers. I had no idea my body could
feel so much pleasure and give so much pleasure back."
	"Please," I said.  Leaned against the door and grabbed the
doorknob for support.  She came toward me and put her arms
around my waist and kissed me on the lips.
	I wanted to scream.  I opened my mouth and she put her hand
over it.  She kissed me again.
	"I'm sorry I lied to you." she said.
	"I'm sorry too."
	"I told her about us."
	"You did?"
	"It's okay.  We can be together now."
	We embraced and then she leaned in and kissed me again.  I
relented and kissed her back.  I put my arms around her shoulders
and drew her body towards mine. We sat down on the bed and I
took in her soft kisses and her breath, which was sweet and hot.  I
laid her down the bed and got on top of her, grinding against her, my
hair falling past my shoulders onto hers.  I took her hands and
pinned her to the bed.  She put her hands on my ass and I shivered.
I began kissing her neck and as she moaned I tongued her ear.
	"I wanted to do this last week, but I couldn't," she said in a
whisper. "I knew she was visiting and my head was all fucked up.
I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't want to.  I love you."
	"I...I...love you too Sara...I'm sorry I got so mad."
	She smiled and then took my face in her hands and we mashed
our lips and tongues together.  Then my breasts rubbed against hers
and I could feel her hardened nipples through her T-shirt.
	"Mmmm," she said.
	I kneeled up on the bed and pulled my sweater off. Sara pulled
hers off. We moved up on the bed and she rested her head on the
pillow.
	"I'm getting so wet thinking about what I'm going to do to you,"
she said.
	"I want you to do everything." I whispered.
	"There's no rush. We have all weekend...Jill won't be back until
Monday."
	Then she spread her legs apart and I put one of my legs in
between and we rubbed against each other through our jeans.
	"Oh my god," she said. Then she put her hands in the back of
my pants and grabbed my ass.  I looked at her beautiful face and her
long blonde hair and felt dizzy.
	"I can't get enough of you," I said. "You know I came the last
time."
	"I know."
	"We barely did anything."
	"It was enough," she said "You were so hot."
	I kissed her neck, her shoulder and then her breasts.
	"This feels so nice," she said.
	We stopped kissing and I grabbed the buckle of her belt and
pulled.
	"Let's get these off."  I said.
	I pulled her jeans and socks off.  She moaned.  She helped me
pull my jeans off and then we stood up and she put her arms over
my shoulders and we kissed, bringing our tongues together.
	"You have a beautiful body," she said.
	"So do you," I said.
	"So beautiful."
	I put my hand down her sweating back and in her panties and
put my fingers between her crack.
	"Your pussy is so wet," I said.
	She put her hand on my crotch and rubbed my pussy through
the fabric.
	"It's so hot," she said.
	We kissed again and I went to pull her panties down, but she
put her hand behind her back and grabbed my wrist.
	"Not yet,"  she said. "I want to enjoy this."
	We fell back on the bed and she got on top.  She bit my neck
and then licked my neck, and then her tongue went down between
my breasts and down my stomach. Then she looked up and then
glided her tongue up my body and we kissed again. Then I pushed
her up and kissed her beautiful round breasts through her bra.
	"Mmmm," she said.
	"Oh Jen,"  I said.
	I thought I was going to come right then.  My face was so warm
and my panties were soaked.  I lay back and closed my eyes.  She
glided her tongue down my body again and kissed my belly button.
Then she pulled my panties off and began to kiss the inside of my
thighs going from one to the other until she came to my pussy,
kissing it, putting her lips over my clit and licking it gently.  I
buckled under her.  I couldn't believe the intensity.
	"It feels so good," I said.
	She put her tongue around it and then down my lips, coming
back up and then taking my whole clit in her mouth and sucking on
it.  Then she slowly glided her tongue around the lips of my pussy
and then back to my clit. I couldn't hold back anymore and my back
arched is it was going to crack as the pleasure and the pain went up
my body to my head.
	I screamed.  She kept on licking and then I grabbed her hair
and pulled her to me.
	"Let me taste," I said.  We began kissing violently. My legs felt
numb. We stopped for a second and I looked into her eyes.  She
opened her mouth like a wild animal and licked her lips. She panted.
	"You taste good," she said.
	She pulled her panties off.
	"You can have all of me now," she said.
	I pulled her bra off and she took off mine.  It felt so good to be
finally naked together. I pulled her toward me and glided my hand
across her back. We lay together for a moment and then she put one
of her legs in between mine  and we moved together. We were
soaking in sweat as she rubbed against me, and we began a slow
rhythm.  I felt like I was going to come again.  Her eyes rolled back
and I grabbed her ass, which was shaking.
	"AAHHHH!!" she moaned.  Her breathing became labored, her
legs began to shake.  "Fuck me, fuck me," she said.
	"Oh baby,"  I said. I grabbed the back of her head and pushed
her face into mine.
	"Oh my God, I'm coming," she said.
	She lifted her body up and pushed against me and screamed
and then collapsed on top of me.
	"Jen," she said.
	"Sara," I said.
	I put my arms around her as she continued to breathe heavily.
She lifted her head up and I could see that she her eyes were wet
and her face was flushed. She tried to speak. I kissed her again and
put my hand through her beautiful hair.
	She looked at me and her eyes brightened.  I laughed and she
kissed me and then I put her head on my shoulder and we fell right
to sleep.