Date: Thu, 09 May 2002 00:43:38 -0400
From: - Jessi - <insignificantbreakdown@msn.com>
Subject: Strong Enough to Break - Part 1 (Lesbian/College)

Strong Enough to Break
By Jessi

This is the first part of a continuing story. I don't think it matters if
this really happened or not since it doesn't pertain to any celebrities
right? So leave it to your imagination! I love feedback so hope to get some
from you all. Let me know if you want more!

Part I

	My name is Jessi and I'm writing this story to re-live past events
in my life. Namely my first love. But we'll get to that in a bit.

	I'm currently a sophomore in college, going to UCLA in
California. With thousands of hours and countless studying and working,
I've gotten in to my dream college -- UCLA. I'd first told my mom that I
was going to go there when I was in the 8th grade. She said even then that
she had no doubt that I would achieve this. Maintaining a 4.0 in high
school wasn't the easiest thing to do for many reasons, but I managed
it. And not only did it get me in to one of the best colleges in the
country, it led me to her...

	I'll never forget the first time I saw her. I was walking across
campus to get to my class. Running late, I was fastly walking and nearly
ran into her. When I looked up into her eyes, admiring her cute smile, I
knew I'd stumbled onto something. I instantly wanted her. I had to have
those lips, that body... Mmm. She truly was the most beautiful woman I'd
ever seen in my entire 19 years of living. But although I say all of this,
making it sound like I'm an experienced lesbian, saying that would be a
complete lie. I'd only been with one person of the female species before,
and although it'd been a total sexual thing, that was all it'd been. Not to
mention it'd been 4 years earlier.

	It was my freshman year of high school when I had my first
experience with a girl. Although I'd known I was bi for about two years and
been open to my best friend for a year, I'd never even come close to being
with a girl. Living in your average small, close-minded town, the few
people that actually were gay didn't just walk around with a sign that said
so. It was no different for me. No one except Brandon, my best friend,
knew.

	Until that fall that I'll never forget. Brandon and I had headed
over to the public high school from the small Christian school that we'd
attended and hated. We were more than psyched to be out of that school. To
be in the high school. Oh yeah. But things had actually gone even better
than I expected. Brandon and I, for some unknown reason, just really seemed
to fit in. And on another note, there was more than one occasion when I saw
two girls holding hands, or even kissing! This I honestly had not
expected. Maybe it wasn't the small town after all, it was that we hadn't
been in it. We'd been sheltered from the real world. Oh boy, this was gonna
be a great year.

	I met Hannah in late September. We'd been in school for a month but
I hadn't seen -- or perhaps noticed her before. In my defense though, that
past month really had been very hectic. I had to not only get back in the
school mode, but also get used to the homework amount. We hadn't had much
homework at all at our previous (small, unorganized) school. I didn't get
much sleep, although that was nothing new, but it was all overwhelming. I'd
gotten my first job that summer, so I was holding down a job, going to the
public high school with a massive amount of homework (compared to what I
was used to), even more lack of sleep than normal, and trying to keep
somewhat of a social life. Sheesh! It wasn't easy. So you can imagine why I
didn't notice Hannah at first. She was very hot, but not beautiful. I just
wanted her body, to be completely honest. Being 15, I had had no interest
in having a serious relationship, especially with a girl. I knew that was
going to take some time getting used to. But that was okay with Hannah, she
knew all of what I just went over. Hell who cared, we were 15 year olds
with our hormones racing wildly -- we just wanted to get some action! God,
I think we were worse than guys.

	But anyway, let me get on with it. I'll describe Hannah to you so
you can get a good mental picture. She had honey blonde hair, blue eyes,
about 130 lbs, and about 5'5". I know, she doesn't sound all that hot. But
believe me, she was. At least I thought so then. And not only was she
good-looking, she was older. Oh boy did I love older chicks. She was 17 and
a junior. Mmm.

	"You coming to the party tonight, Jessi?" Hannah questioned, taking
me offguard. I looked up from the lunch table where I was talking and
joking with Brandon and a couple of other people we really didn't know all
that well, but occasionally associated with. It was mid-November and I
noticed how her snug sweater clung to her body; I just wanted to rip it
off.

	"Um..." I trailed off, racking my brain. What party was she talking
about? Obviously I was supposed to know. "I, uh...I was thinking about it."
I played it cool.

	"Cool," she smiled. "Maybe I'll see you there." Although the way
she said it seemed more like a question than a statement, she walked off
without giving me a chance to respond.

	Not knowing and honestly not even caring what that was all about, I
turned to Brandon with a grin that stretched from ear to ear. "We have a
party to attend."

	I'd eventually figured out that the party she was referring to was
a party held by a senior. Hell yeah, a freshman going to a senior party
wasn't something just anyone could do, but Brandon and I were there.

	Chris, the guy throwing the party, was really cool, but not to just
anyone. He normally didn't even talk to anyone below the 11th grade, but
was always really nice to Brandon and me.

	"Brandon, Jessi, what's up guys?!" he exclaimed when we arrived. I
couldn't help but laugh at his drunken state.

	"Nothin' much. Seen Hannah?" I asked. I should probably mention
that Hannah was quite popular, and just about everyone knew who she
was. Chris too.

	"Hmm..." he trailed off, looking deep in thought.

	"Don't hurt yourself there," Brandon laughed.

	"Yeah I think I might," Chris joked back. "I don't think she's here
yet," he said to me. I nodded just as a familiar car drove up. I knew it
was Hannah. She hopped out with a couple of other girls and surprisingly
walked right up to the three of us.

	"You made it," she smiled at me. "Hey Chris, hey Brandon," she also
smiled at them, but the smile she'd given me had been more...real.

	"Hey, we were just talking about you," Chris responded. Dammit
Chris, shut up, I thought to myself.

	"Oh?" she questioned and looked at me. I thought it was funny that
she'd looked at me but didn't give it much more thought.

	"Yeah, I think you and Jessi should go get us all some drinks and
then we'll chill," he suggested. Holy shit, was I that obvious?

	"Alright, sounds good to me," Hannah agreed and looked at
me. Before she could even ask, I also agreed, so we headed inside.

	We made our way through the drunks, potheads (which sounded really
good about then), and the occasional sober and straight people inside the
living room and kitchen. Hannah grabbed three beers and handed three to me.

	We started to make our way back outside, but Hannah stopped
me. Without even trying to say anything over the extremely loud music, she
motioned for me to follow her. Also without saying anything, I did so,
wondering what she was doing.

	She lead me through the hallway and to one of the
bedrooms. Although that sounds like something someone would say right
before getting to a sex scene, I highly, highly doubted this was anything
like that, although it did cross my mind. But that was way too good to be
true. Hannah was too hot and popular to be gay...right?

	"I just thought we could talk for a few minutes," she said once
inside the room, setting the beers down on the dresser. "They can get their
own beers," she smiled. I smiled back, not really knowing what to say. What
was up with this?

	"Um, okay...was there something in particular you wanted to talk
about?" I questioned, slowly sitting down on the edge of the bed.

	"Yeah," she said simply. I looked at her expectantly. "Well okay, I
won't beat around the bush. I've heard some rumors that you're into girls,
and I was wondering if it's true. You don't have to tell me if you don't
want to, but I wanted to ask." Oh my God. Who the fuck told her this?!

	"Uhh," I laughed nervously. "Who told you that?"

	"I honestly don't know," she responded. "I've heard it from more
than one person, and I sort of figured you'd heard too."

	"Would it disgust you if I was?" I asked, not knowing whether to
tell her or not, also wondering who would've started this around the
school. I'd never told anyone but Brandon, I mean jeez!

	"Not at all," she said so quietly I had to think twice to even be
sure she'd said it. What did that mean? The thought couldn't help but creep
into my mind... Was Hannah gay?

	"Well yeah, I am. The only person, erm -- other person that knows,
is Brandon. I never really planned on telling anyone else, or him for that
matter. It just sort of happened with him," I explained, searching her face
for an expression. Anything -- after telling someone something like that,
silence wasn't something you wanted.

	To my ultimate surprise, she laughed. To say the least, this didn't
boost my already lacking self-confidence about my sexuality. "No," she
said, continuing to laugh, noticing my facial expression. "I'm not laughing
in a mean way...I just can't believe it."

	"That I'm gay?" I asked, confused. She nodded, still laughing a
little. "Why not?"

	"Because usually when things seem too good to be true, they are."

	"Wha- huh? What do you mean, I mean...what?" I stammered. Did she
mean what I thought she meant?!

	"Yeah," she nodded, as if reading my thoughts. "You're not alone."

	"You mean to tell me that you are gay?" I almost thought she was
kidding. But I knew she wouldn't do that. But you don't just find gay
people anywhere you go, hell especially gay people you're attracted
to. That's definitely a rarity.

	"Why is it so hard to believe?" she inquired, her eyebrows
furrowed. The laughter had died. "I mean I know that gay people aren't
exactly overpopulating the earth, but you seem surprised because it's me."

	"Well, I am," I said honestly. "I just, um...sort of, uh..." I
stuttered as Hannah started walking toward me. She sat down next to me on
the bed. I shifted, nervous and uncomfortable with her sitting so
close. "I'm just-" I was interrupted my her soft lips on my mine. Oh my
God, oh my God, was all that was running through my mind. "Can't believe
it," I said dazily as I continued to talk through breaks in the kiss. She
giggled and leaned in on me so I laid back on the bed.

	"Mmm..." I mumbled and looked over at the door, hoping it was
locked so neither of us would have to get up. I couldn't tell if it
was. "Is the- ohh," I interrupted myself as I felt her hand on my right
breast. "God...is the door locked?" I asked quickly.

	"Mmhmm," she giggled. "I locked it when we came in."

	"How come?" I wouldn't have cared otherwise under the
circumstances, but had she planned this?

	"Well, I was kinda pretty damn sure you really were gay, and was
hoping you'd, well, like me like I like you." Her saying that plus the sexy
smile she gave me after saying it made me want her right then and there --
now.

	There was no way I could leave that party without having gotten
some ass from Hannah.

---

Want more?? Let me know! insignificantbreakdown@msn.com