Date: Sun, 12 Sep 2004 02:13:01 -0400 From: jackie <missqueensheba@comcast.net> Subject: Effective Performance - Installment One Disclaimer - If you're not supposed to be reading this, don't. Also, I would like to ask that you please respect my work. Plagarism is a felony, and most importantly, immoral. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself." - Anais Nin ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Remind me one more time. Why exactly am I doing this?" I complained. I looked over at coach Wagner, half expecting her to sympathize for me. She did exactly the opposite though. She just gave me that look. That look that said "you brought this all on yourself." I sighed, knowing it truly was my own fault. If anything, I should consider myself lucky I wasn't kicked out of school. But as I sat on the bench, I didn't feel so lucky. As a matter of fact, I felt rather suicidal. It was ninety degrees and I was roasting at a Junior Varsity softball game. I kept kicking myself in the ass. I was so stupid to get caught. I was not thinking clearly with my head in those days. I remembered the night perfectly. I was sitting on the bleachers with Linda. Our legs were barely touching, but enough for the warmth to send tingles throughout my veins. We were both a little bit tipsy, laughing and giggling at the adolescent baseball players who thought they were so great. Then, we were approached by security. They took a breathalyser test, which of course we both failed. Not only were parents called, but the consequences were brutal. I lost my place on N.H.S because of the five day suspension, lost my place on the Varsity softball team and my scholarship due to the fact that I couldn't play. Oh, did I mention that there is more? As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to assistant coach the Junior Varsity softball team. The school principal felt it was a way to "broaden my character." So there I was, teaching little freshmen who couldn't even hold a bat how to play softball. The worst part of all of it was that I missed Linda. My parents forbade me to contact her any longer, accusing her of corrupting my intelligent mind. As if I wasn't eighteen and couldn't make decisions for myself, I thought. It was horrible explaining to my girlfriend of eleven months that I couldn't see her anymore because my parents said "no." What a great way to end the last three months of my high school senior year. Coach Wagner looked over at me and shrugged. She didn't know what to tell me anymore. I didn't know what to tell myself. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Good game girls," said Coach as the under class-men headed for the showers. They had won their first game, lead to victory by an extremely strong shortstop. She was a shorter, but well toned athletic girl. My guess was she was at least a sophomore to be playing so well. "Wagner, is that girl a transfer from another school or something?" I asked, pointing at her. "Who? Hailey?" asked coach. "No. She just moved up from middle school. She is a freshman. I think she is only fourteen years old," she continued. "Girl is awesome. She is one of the strongest players I've seen in a long time. I'm considering moving her up to varsity." I nodded at the idea, but thought about how difficult that would be. "If she is just a freshman, give her time. She will be ready to move up next year. You don't want her feeling uncomfortable. She would be playing with mostly seniors. Let her have teammates she trusts and can build feeling with. If you move her around it will effect her performance." I looked over at Coach Wagner, who obviously approved of my answer. She was nodding in realization as her fingers barely touched the rim of her blue visor. It was apparent she was letting what I said seep in. "She doesn't look too happy about winning," I said as I watched Hailey. She was changing out of her jersey and I let my eyes wander. The girl was gorgeous. I stared at her strong legs, imagining my hands running over them. Just as I realized how old the teenager actually was, I shook my head in sexual frustration. That was sad. "She generally doesn't talk a lot," said Coach. I raised my eyebrow at this, somehow caring. For whatever reason it was, my heart beat faster for the girl. I could only continue to watch as she pulled her jersey over her head and threw it in the locker. I was disappointed to see that she wore a tank top underneath it. Hailey shut the locker with that "I hate the world" look on her face and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of her. She had that dangerously attractive look. Her skin was a natural bronze color with excellent complexion. I licked my lips as I stared hard into her beautiful blue eyes that accented her face in the light. At this point in time I wanted one thing, and that was to bang her like a Chinese drum. As she began to leave the locker room I followed, hoping in some way there would be an opportunity to start a conversation. I ended up nearly running out of the gym, pacing myself because the beautiful teenager walked so damn fast. I glanced as Hailey moved her book bag farther up on her shoulders, trying to get comfortable. I raised an eyebrow, wondering why she was walking to the main road. Then it hit me. She walked home. She was only fourteen years old. It's not like she had a license. This was my perfect opportunity. I was a spoiled eighteen year old brat, therefore, my parents bought me a gorgeous 1986 Z- 28 Chevrolet Camaro with t-tops. They said if I was to make it on N.H.S they would buy me my car of choice. So, there I was, driving my beautiful car in the spring with the tops down. Why should I not have a hot girl in the passenger seat? I nearly hurled myself in the front seat and began driving to where Hailey was. Since I was already riding in style, it didn't take much for me to get her attention. "Hey," I called to the beautiful brunette. She looked over at me, wondering what in the hell I wanted. " You're the shortstop, right? Let me give you a ride. I can introduce myself," I said with a smile. She was still looking at me as though I was a crazy person. Then she started walking even faster, trying to avoid my annoying bantering. I pulled over and hopped out of the car, nearly chasing her down the street. How funny this situation was. I was trying to be nice, not give the girl a heart attack. "I'm the assistant coach," I called. "I just want to introduce myself and get to know the people on the team." It was perfect. I knew saying that would take away any fear that lingered in her mind. She stopped momentarily before turning around and walking back. The oddity of the moment was very strange. It wasn't everyday that somebody hops out of a car and chases you down the street to introduce themselves. "Do you follow everybody home or just me?" She asked. I couldn't help but snicker at the remark, knowing that I probably seemed like a psycho. "I'm really sorry. You probably think I'm nuts, and that's cool. I just wanted to give you a ride home and possibly become acquainted. I don't really know anybody on the team and I could use a friendly face at practices. Trust me, I'm not as crazy as I look." I had her now. She was smiling at my cheesy jokes. It was all over for me too. I took one look at that grin and I was melting. As I did this I began to wonder. How desperate did I seem? I was eighteen, she was fourteen. "I'm Hailey. It was nice encountering you. See ya." The brief smile was immediately wiped off her face. She began walking again, but I kept bickering. "Oh, that's just not right. Come on now. It's not like I have a booger hanging or something. You barely even gave me the time of day!" As I heard her softly chuckle my heart warmed. I loved how she laughed at my sarcastic, yet raunchy comments. "Look, I just want to get home, okay? Once again, it was nice meeting you, whatever your name is." With that, the beautiful bombshell still wanted to walk away, but I grabbed her hand while pleading. She was smiling at me while still trying to get away. This whole concept was insane. "Come on. I only allow cool people in my car. You should feel honored," I joked, directing my arms at the black camaro with leather interior. She seemed more comfortable than before, but reluctant still. "If I wouldn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to hit on me right now..." She was giving me a weird look, sort of interested yet intimidated. Immediately I gave a face that implied the latter and shook my head. "Definitely not. Just trying to get your attention." I put my hands together as though I was praying and gave her puppy dog eyes. The strange pleading noises coming out of my closed mouth were putting a soft smile on her face, and I just knew I was going to have her in my car. "Wow. You just don't give up..." I smiled. "You're absolutely right. I don't plan on it either." "Omg. You better not drive like a maniac," she ordered. I gave her a disapproving look. "Now, would I do something like that?" I was so excited she said yes, words were just flowing off my tongue. "Well, I don't know. Would you? You're crazy enough to chase me down the street just to introduce yourself, which you still haven't done. And why I am in this car is completely and utterly a mystery to me. So you tell me." I smiled once again. Not only was she absolutely and stunningly gorgeous, she had good vocabulary, was witty, incredibly intelligent and had a completely exotic voice. I wanted to rip her clothes off and have my way with her at that very moment. She sure didn't carry herself like a fourteen year old. I didn't know any girls that young who played softball as well as she did, not to mention were so well aware of circumstances. I was beginning to wonder what made her grow up so fast. "You know what? You're right.. I'm Amy." I started the car back up and shifted gears, trying not to miss a thing about her. I liked her style already. The Adidas windbreaker pants, silver rings on almost every finger, the socks with sandals concept. I loved socks with sandals. It was a strange thing, but I was crazy about it. Maybe because I was already a fashion victim? I had no idea. Then there was one other thing that I really loved about her. She had this small blue stud on her nose which I found extremely sexy. It came as a surprise to see it, but it turned me on never the less. "God, what am I doing?" She mumbled. "Oh come on," I said sweetly. "I'm not that bad, am I?" I joked cheesily. I smiled again and began to banter. "I just wanted to let you know who I was. Wagner didn't introduce me yet. I just started assistant coaching yesterday. I'm sure she will tell you at practice tomorrow." I watched as Hailey nodded, looking at me up and down. I wanted to know what she was thinking badly as she glanced at my body. I didn't even know if she was into girls. "I didn't mean to scare you, but you kind of stood out at the game today. That's why I figured I would introduce myself to you first. You seemed nice and after I seen you walking home, I figured I would ask you if you needed a ride." Oh man, I was good. Most of it was true anyways. She just thought she stood out because of a different reason. "That's cool," she said. I listened to her voice as I continued to drive and turned down the radio just a bit more. I was hoping to get more of a conversation going. "Okay. Well, where to Hailey?" She pointed to the right and gave me directions to her house. It was actually quite far and I wanted to ask her why her parents didn't pick her up, but I bit my tongue instead. It was none of my business. "You know, since I'm going to be at all the practices and stuff, I don't mind giving you a ride home. I live right around here anyways." She looked up at me and shook her head. "You don't have to do all that. I really don't mind walking." "Listen lady. I don't care. It's far and like I said, it's not a big deal. I live right around here. I honestly don't mind. It sucks walking home every day." She glanced at me one more time, and I could tell that the emphasis in my voice stunned her. "Thank you," she said quietly. I looked over with a smile and said, "no problem." "You know, you don't act like a freshmen," I said to her. She gave a little laugh and replied, "Well, I guess I just matured faster." I couldn't help but think to myself, "I'll say," as I glanced at her figure. Her perky young breasts stood proudly yet securely with their perfect round shape. It was way too intense for me. Her body was making me burn with desire. I pulled up in front of her house and shifted the Camaro into park. I gave her a soft smile as she opened the door and grabbed her book bag. "I really appreciate the ride," she said shyly. She pulled the book bag up on her shoulder and I could only smirk as her voluptuous hips fulfilled my thoughts and invaded my mind. Life couldn't have been sweeter. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm sure you all have seen her around. This is Amy Idelsea. She is our new Assistant Coach. If any of you have a problem, you can go to either her or I. Don't be intimidated, Amy doesn't bite. I promise," said Coach Wagner as she gave me the look of death. It was obviously a warning to not fuck up. I looked over at Hailey who was being quiet as usual. She had on a pair of plush Nike shorts today and a white wife beater tank top. I kept glaring at her beautiful shoulders that were almost solid muscle. I wanted to touch her skin more than badly. How sexy can somebody be? I couldn't possibly imagine somebody turning me on more without giving me an aneurism. I thought about her constantly. Everywhere I went, everything I seen, reminded me of her face and her lips. As I stared her eyes caught mine. Hailey gave me the softest smile life had ever given. It tickled my heart because it was so innocent. It was a small moment shared between the two of us nobody would ever know about, and I would probably remember it for the rest of my life. If I died today, I would give everything just to have that be the one memory I went to heaven with; a three second smile I shared with Hailey Johnson. At the end of the practice coach made the team run around the school twice,. which was about a mile. I thought about it momentarily and decided to jog with the girls, seeing as how I needed to stay fit as well. I really wasn't worried about being a good coach or anything. To be honest, I didn't even want to be at the practices half the time. The only thing good coming from any of it was Hailey. Although, I knew my priorities. I knew that if I didn't do all of it, my future would be in jeopardy. I was running at a medium pace toward the end of the line. I was keeping up, but making sure I was at a reasonable distance. This way I could run behind Hailey and watch her fine structured body ahead of me. Then she looked back at me and started running slower. I realized that she was waiting for me because she wanted to run next to me. The gesture sent a small warmth through my heart. Slightly panting, but not nearly winded she said, "I'm not going to need a ride home today. I am staying after practice to work on my swing. I just wanted to let you know and say thank you anyways." I nodded my head and smiled. "I'll just stick around and wait for you. If you want I can help you out. I mean, you need it, right?" Hailey gave me a quick grin and replied with "really?" I nodded once more as I looked at her cute dimples. I realized more and more about her every day. I became more aware of things physically and mentally. "Thanks. That is really cool. It would help a lot if you could tell me what I am doing wrong," she said concerned. I looked over at her again as we ran, starting to get a little winded. "No problem," I stated. I had no objections with doing this. It was all the more opportunity to get close to her. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I placed my hands on her hips, moving her over just a little bit. I was letting my fingers linger, yes, but it felt incredible. I had never seen a body so well toned, so figured, so sexy, so...perfect. I was standing behind her, both of our hands on the bat, moving in one motion. I was explaining to her what it was exactly that she was doing wrong in her movements. This I found quite hard to do because I was so enthralled in our touching. I couldn't help but fear that she would see the lust in my eyes. I was so enraptured in bliss. I just wanted to kiss Hailey's neck and lick her the inside of her ear. "Move your feet back a little. You will get more leverage that way. Let the ball come to you. If you jump for it, you're not going to get that same power. Concentrate on letting things flow in a natural manner. What you're doing is rushing. You're like a guy between the sheets or something." She liked that joke. As a matter of fact, Hailey seemed to like a lot of things about me. I just hoped my body was one of them. I felt something in my gut. It was telling me to try and kiss her today. I had only known her for about two and a half weeks, but every day I became more and more driven. I lusted after Hailey like none other. Being with her today was like a bonus. I was not only getting the opportunity to be with her, but I could touch her within moral limits. Lets just say death came early and I was in Heaven. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We were riding along in my car as Hailey shuffled through cd's. They were mostly mixed and burned off the computer with labels, so she was having a hard time finding one that she liked. I had drove her home every day we had practice. Last week Thursday we sat in my car for about twenty minutes and chatted. It was wonderful just talking to the beautiful girl. I cherished our short time spent together, even if it was only for a little while. "How can you listen to this crap? Our Lady Peace? Come on! Half of these cd's are 3 Doors Down, Matchbox 20 and Live. You're eighteen, hello?" "Yeah, so?" I couldn't help but chuckle. She was ignorantly indicating that my musical taste sucked and was for old people. "You totally bump to the oldies! You're not forty!" "How do you figure I listen to old music? Music by 3 Doors Down is generally directed toward a younger generation." "Pfttt. If you call thirty - five the `younger' generation." I smiled at this and replied "Okay. I can almost guarantee more screaming teenagers listen to Three Doors Down than middle aged adults, but that is the beauty of it anyways. They don't need a label. Everybody likes them." She looked up at me with a strange look. "Pleeeease. I'm not talking about just that. I'm talking about your cd's with the Goo Goo Dolls, Creed and Tonic.. And who in the hell is this? Veruca Salt? I've never even heard of these people in my life. The Eagles, `Take it to the Limit'? Are you kidding me? My grandpa likes that stuff. Where is the Ataris? Hilary Duff? Linkin Park? Dashboard Confessional? Even a little P Diddy for crying out loud?" I chuckled once more. "And your taste of music is any better? The Ataris and Puff Daddy can't even write their own music. They have to use somebody else's song with a few different words to make millions. Here, hand me a fucking guitar and a record contract. I'll play somebody else's song for you for a hell of a lot less money." Hailey rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah, that is why P Diddy has his own label, writes music for other artists..." Then, I seen her face light up. "Ah! I knew you would have at least one good cd!" I looked down as she put a silver disc in the player. She immediately took control of the buttons and told me not to touch the radio because she liked number one. It wasn't long before "Going Under" by Evanescence filled my ears. I began to laugh as she sang along, happy and bouncing. "These guys are awesome," she exclaimed. I nodded my head with a smile. I was very fond of the band. Finally, an agreement. When we did pull up to her house I sighed in disappointment. Our time was over. I would think about her for another twenty four hours and get ten minutes alone with her in my car. Sometimes I felt like I was wasting my time and gas. It seemed as though it would only lead to heartbreak. Other moments, feelings would not stop clenching my heart. I even grasped and held on for dear life, praying to the gods above me that nothing would ever stand between her and I. Then, the angel spoke. "Hey, why don't you come in for a little bit? My mom won't be home until around six. You can see my house and stuff." My mood then lifted and I spent no time getting out of the car. There was not a moment to lose. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You look over and can't help but think that the nights are casual, but in the mornings, you know you love her." - Source Unknown ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The fish looked at me like I was insane. Although, I guess if a five foot seven creature was poking at my fish tank and making strange faces at me, I would feel quite the same. It was five minutes later that I realized I really couldn't help myself though. I was touching everything. I had never been so excited to see another person's home before. Hailey just smiled as I pointed to magnets on her fridge and cracked jokes about her Joe Boxer bed sheets. After a while it didn't feel strange being in her house anymore. If anything, I felt like I had been living there for years, welcome to come in without knocking at any time. "I can't believe you have one of these coffee tables in your living room. I haven't seen one of these since like 1988." I was letting off small jokes, teasing her outdated furniture. By the looks of other things, it seemed like they had more than enough money to buy new. My guess was her parents probably really didn't have the time. "My Mom loves this coffee table. Don't ever let her hear you say that," Hailey replied with a smirk. I felt my heart race at the mere sound of her voice as it penetrated my thoughts. I watched her mouth as it moved. I couldn't concentrate on anything else. "Are you even listening to me?" she asked. I shook my head, trying to travel back to five seconds ago. If I could remember one thing she said... I just wasn't paying attention. "Yes," I replied. I never was a good liar. I was an excellent flirt, but when it came to lying, I was anything but good. "Anyways," she said. "This is my house. It's generally pretty boring here, so I won't invite you in a real lot." "Maybe it's not the house. Maybe it's the host," I shot back. I ducked as soon as the sandal soared in the air, nearly knocking me in the head. "Ooh, think we're funny, do we? I'll show you funny," she said, acting as though she was getting out of the chair. "Shit talks, money walks" I fired back. She was getting aggravated by my constant overpowering humor. She could never redeem herself with wise cracks against me. I always came up with something more clever. "Must be why you're broke," teased Hailey. I began to laugh. It was about time the girl got a decent one in on me. I jumped over to her chair and sat on her, occasionally jumping up and down to bring more force against her ribs. By the time I got up, her face was beet red from laughing hysterically. Hailey's breathing was ragged as she was very well near a raged pant. I sat back down on her, holding my stomach in pain from laughter. I could only imagine what a sight we were to see. Hailey just looked up at me, still giggling from my attack. "You are so funny," she said. "I wish everybody could make me laugh as much as you do." "Sorry, not everybody can be as hot, sexy and funny as me," I joked with an ego. Then came the sarcasm. "Oh yeah. You're just the hottest. Please. There are at least in this town alone, a thousand people hotter than you are." I smirked at this comment, enjoying the conversation immensely. "Oh yeah? Keep looking for them," I replied. "In the meantime, I'll take a couple vacations, visit my aunt in Florida, finish college up..." Hailey rolled her eyes as she pushed me out of her lap. I watched as her body moved from the chair to the couch, only to plop down and take control of the remote. "Sweet," I called and jumped on the couch next to her. I hurriedly took possession of the t.v changer and angled it away from her. Desperately I hid the black object underneath me so Hailey would have to fight me for it. She began to put up a violent struggle for the object. I, of course, gave it to her after a few minutes. I was beginning to find out Hailey was easily annoyed by peddling games and soon would become aggravated. "You're a bitch," I joked. She stuck her tongue out at me and I found this to be amusing. "You better put that thing away unless you're going to use it..." The "O" face was about the only thing going on after that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Sometimes I think I"ve gotten over you, but then I see that smile on your face. It's then that I realize I've only gotten used to the pain of knowing that I'll never be yours." - Source Unknown ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I see you spending a lot of time with that girl, Hailey," said Arlene Johnson. Hailey glanced over at her mother and shrugged her shoulders. It was true that Amy was over quite often, but she really thought nothing of it. Hailey liked her company. Her mom had never mentioned anything before, so it seemed quite strange that she would have a problem with it now. "She is a nice girl. How old is she?" Arlene Johnson had only a few conversations with the teenager. Talking was bound to happen anyways since Amy was over her house almost every day when she came home from work, but she had never asked about her age. There was nothing wrong, but Hailey's mother had become curious since her daughter started hanging out with this girl. She had no problem with the age difference, but things were changing. Hailey was dressing differently, making adjustments in her hairstyle. The other day she had walked into the living room with a hat on. Six months before hand, Hailey wouldn't have touched a hat. Arlene had noticed an alter in her daughters behavior as well. She was becoming quick witted, more thoughtful. Her report card had even improved immensely. In the past month and a half her grades went from D's and C's to A's and B's. She would walk around the house singing and cracking jokes, dancing and laughing. Even her lifestyle had changed. Her room was no longer a disaster area. Hailey was changing her sheets every week and making her bed. Clothes that were usually disheveled she would iron and hang up, or fold. Her floor was neatly kept and vacuumed, her perfumes and lotions on her dresser arranged tidily. Many of times Arlene would come home and the dishes would be done, dinner would be made. It was all so strange. Arlene was happy with this change, but couldn't necessarily understand why. Then it clicked. It wasn't until the week before that she put two and two together. None of these things started happening until this Amy character came into the picture. The more Hailey talked to the girl, all the more differently she acted. Arlene was curious to know as of why this girl was so important. She knew that she was charming and kind, but her daughter seemed to worship this girl, and the effect it was making on her was more than obvious. "Eighteen," Hailey answered slightly perturbed. "What? Do you not want her over the house anymore?" Hailey was getting defensive, more than ready to back up her friend if she needed it. "No, that's not it by any means. I have only talked to her a few times, that's all. I don't know that much about her." Arlene instantly noticed the defense mechanism. It was definitely obvious that her daughter cared for Amy a great deal. "So does that means she graduates in a few weeks?" Hailey's head instantly moved to her mothers direction. Her eyes became wide and her mind was unsettling. The realization of her mothers comment was seeping in and she was quite unsure of how to deal with the circumstances. She had completely forgot about graduation... The panic in her began to rise. What was she going to do? Amy had become her best friend. She didn't want to lose that. What if she went to go off to college and Hailey would never see her again? "Yeah," said Hailey swallowing hard. She was trying to fight back the tears. She wanted to block the thought out of her memory. It was too much to deal with. "I'm gonna go for a walk," Hailey mentioned to her mother. "I need some air." As she opened the screen door and walked out into the world, she felt herself exhale. She couldn't even imagine trying to breathe in again. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was trying to be nice. It was so weird though, having her act like that. Usually Hailey was happy go lucky, always willing to joke around. Even after trying to sit on her she wouldn't crack a smile. I knew something was up. "Alright. You've had crabby face since practice today. What's your deal?" Hailey continued to sit on the couch angry at the world. She just shrugged and pretended like everything was okay. "What the hell do you take me for? I must look pretty damned stupid. I mean, it's obvious something is wrong. I'd appreciate it if you would either tell me, or quit frowning for fuck's sake." Hailey's expression did not change. Not even for the slightest moment. That's it. "Alright. You wanna be like this? Now you're gonna have to prove yourself. If I make you smile, you have to tell me what's wrong. No if's, and's or but's." Hailey just continued to look away as I talked. I seen her eyeballs on the t.v, but I knew inside she was listening to me. "Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?" I asked. Hailey shrugged, not knowing the punch line. I knew I was going to make her smile, and she knew it too. I also knew she wanted to tell me what her problem was, but was eager to see how far I would go to drag it out of her. "Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, ` lie to me, lie to me.'" I seen Hailey's beautiful lips curl, and it was over. She began to laugh and blush just as I presumed she would. "Alright. Tell me what's wrong, bitch," I joked. "Is it that jerk from your chem class? Tell me where he lives, I'll run the bastard over." Hailey began laughing again, and I could see the tears run down her face. It was too weird. She was smiling and crying at the same time. "Jeez. I know I have a good sense of humor, but I'm not that funny." Alright Amy, I thought. Comedy was not going to fix everything this time. Things weren't really that funny anyways when your best friend was sitting next to you sobbing. "I don't know Amy," she wept. " Things are just messed up right now." The more I begged, the less of a response I received. After an hour of pleading and arguing, I gave up and went home. It was pointless trying to help somebody who did not want to be helped. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I don't know if I want to try this," I said. I was happy to see Hailey feeling better today, but she had taken me to an arcade I wasn't familiar with. At the moment, I was trapped in front of a Dance Dance Revolution machine, terrified she would make me get on. The game looked rather easy. All you had to do was follow the dance steps showed on the screen before you, but I wasn't really the arcade type. I had never even owned a Nintendo system or anything in my whole life. I really didn't want to start now. "Please, just one game for me? It's really fun and I'm crazy about it." She was giving me the puppy dog eyes and I complied. I supposed one game wouldn't be so bad. I handed her a couple of quarters and allowed her to work the machine. (It's not like I would have known how anyways.) I stood on the dance pad and awaited the agony I put myself in. I watched as she set difficulty to standard mode on her behalf. I, of course, was on beginners mode. It wasn't until the music began that I was grateful for this. After one song, I was winded. Hailey's face was red, but it was obvious that she was very good at the game and used to the workout. I began to wonder how much of her free time she spent at this particular machine. The game was cheesy, the people in the arcade were dorks, the room was sweaty. Then I thought, "who cares?" I would have roamed the earth for her in a toga and platform heels. She was my world. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Franklin P. Jones ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Holy shit. I thought you died or something. Where in the hell have you been?" I chuckled as my friend Holly harassed me, having been about two weeks since I had an intelligent conversation with her. "I've been around. Just busy with this stupid shit Hunter's got me doing," I replied as we sat down at the lunch table. Holly raised an eyebrow at this, curious to find out what was going on. "What shit?" She asked. "He's got me assistant coaching JV Softball. I'm hoping they'll give me my scholarship back by doing all this boloney." Holly nodded just to act like she cared. It didn't take long for her interrogation to start again. "Kristy said she seen you with some freshman girl the other day. What's that all about?" My eyes became large. People were nosier than I thought. "She plays on JV. Her name is Hailey. She is really nice." "You're not fucking her, are you?" Ha. "No, I'm not fucking her. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on around this school? Can I not be friends with somebody who has a vagina?" "Not when you're an open lesbian, you can't." "She doesn't even know I'm gay," I said. I watched Holly's expression do a three - sixty. "She doesn't even know you're a lesbo? What the fuck, Amy?" I looked over at my friend, getting irritated. "That doesn't change anything." "Amy, yes it does. You like the cooter. You're gay. That means that she is open market for you. That changes *everything.*" Protesting was not an option. I was rudely interrupted. "Oh," Holly added. "I was on the phone with Linda and she asked me about you the other day. I told her you found somebody else because I assumed you and the twelve year old were doin' the nasty. Now you're making a liar out of me." I shook my head at her. "You're something else," I said with a strange face. "And she's not twelve, she is fourteen." "Oh man, better watch out. She is catching up to you. When you're collecting social security she may be legal to drink." I threw my milk at Holly with a smile. What a bitch. "There is nothing going on," I argued. Holly rolled her eyes. "You'll be fucking her in the next couple of weeks, I guarantee." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We were at my house after practice, watching Golden Girls. It had become one of my favorites since I started talking to Hailey, who was being quiet again today. I asked her what was wrong a couple of times, but got no response. That is why I was pretty shocked when she spoke during a commercial break. "Promise me you're not going to forget who I am after June 3rd," she said. I glanced over at her with a strange expression. "What in the hell are you talking about?" I asked. Hailey's face was becoming red. It looked like she was about to start crying. So this is what the problem was. At that moment, I knew what I had gotten myself into. I didn't know if she felt love in the same way I did, but my heart broke right then and there. There was no way in hell I would forget who she was. "Promise me you're still going to be my friend," pleaded Hailey. My heart was beating faster and my eyes were burning. As her tears began to fall I was attempting to fight off my own. "I'm always going to be your friend Hailey...I'm not going anywhere." Feeling my heart break was undescribable. The pain I endured could never have been put into words. The only reply I could make was a promise. A promise that no matter what happened, I wasn't going anywhere. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." - Oscar Wilde ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "How can you be in love with a girl you've only known for two months?" My mother could be a real bitch sometimes. And this, this was one of those times.. "I should have never even said anything to you..." I was just looking away, regretting what I thought would be an intelligent decision. People say that you should always involve your parents. Well, people suck. My mother looked over with fury. "Dammit Amy, the girl isn't even fifteen years old." "Thank you captain obvious. I wasn't aware of that." She looked over at me again, not amused by my commenting. To be quite frank, I really didn't give a shit. "What are you doing to yourself? Not only is she fourteen, not only is she a woman, (excuse me, girl) but she isn't even gay. Amy, don't you see what you're doing? You're setting yourself up to get hurt." I couldn't look over at her any longer. The conversation was just going downhill. "Look, you think I've never been there? I was eighteen once. There were all kinds of men I wanted to shake my `shoulda coulda woulda' at. I thought at least six or seven times I was in love. You think I don't know what you're feeling? Believe me, I know. Every time you look at her you probably think `god, I want her so bad.' I was there many years ago. But what is going on, has to stop. If you're feelings are becoming uncontrollable, you need to end whatever it is now." I nodded my head and walked down the hallway. I couldn't listen anymore. She didn't know. There were so many times I just wanted to stop talking to her, try and move on. She didn't know how hard it was to look at the person you love and just act like everything was okay. But it wasn't. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Something's wrong with your mind...It won't think of me anymore." - Default's "All that She Wrote" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Watching television at Hailey's house was quiet, boring, dreadful. I had so many things to say to her, but admitting my love was just...not an option. Not at that moment anyways. There was something about her during the time that was strange. She was distant again. "You're pretty quiet again. What's up now?" I asked. Why did she have to do this? Watching her act like this was just taking a toll on me. Didn't she know how much she was breaking my heart? "Nothing, just watching t.v." Her reply was lifeless and plain. It was moments like this when her real age did show. We had sat for another ten minutes in silence, even through commercials. I tried bumping Hailey's side, poking her playfully. She got mad and pushed my hand away, yelling at me to stop. "Wow...What is your fucking deal?" I was getting angry now. This was becoming a routine, and I didn't want to consider moments like these normalcy. "Nothing, I'm just trying to watch T.V." I got up and grabbed her hand. I refused to spend another minute rotting on the couch. Even though she was bitching and moaning, I got her outside and into my car. "Where the hell are we going? My house isn't even locked!" I began driving fast in the camaro. REALLY fast. We were headed on the expressway and I was doing at least eighty miles an hour. It wasn't until Hailey said something fifteen minutes later that I noticed the speedometer over 110. "Would you slow down maniac? What the hell are you doing?" I took the next exit, still not commenting. I was frustrated, tired of playing games. I didn't care what happened anymore. I did slow down, but only because we were back on the main roads. I was familiar with the area. We were about thirty five miles away from home, in a rural town. I drove around for about another five minutes and picked a spot near the lake to park. Still not commenting, I turned the engine off and looked down. "What are we doing Amy? Do you realize that my mom is going to be home soon? I didn't even ask to go anywhere, my door isn't locked. What the hell is going on? Why and what are we doing here? There isn't even anything around..." I looked Hailey in the eyes and my heart started fluttering. This feeling came over me I didn't even know how to describe. I wasn't thinking, but I did it anyways. I leaned over and kissed her mouth. Her lips were soft and smooth. I had never tasted anything so rich and sweet. It felt unbelievable...for about five seconds. After those few seconds was when I felt the strong hands push me against my seat. "What are you doing?" I looked at her, not really knowing myself. My mistakes and errors began rummaging through my brain a mile a minute. "I'm in love with you," I admitted. It was strange that forty minutes ago I said something to myself and just completely disregarded it. I specifically remember "proclaiming my love today isn't a good idea" floating around in my brain. Why is it that I never listened to my subconscious? I watched Hailey take a deep breath. Her beautiful face was cringing, and it was then that I realized I hadn't just made a mistake. I had made a disaster. "What, nothing to say?" I asked worriedly. She just looked over at me for a minute. "I really should have seen this coming," She then said. "Marcy told me that you were gay or something. I guess I should have listened to her." My heart fell. At that moment I realized I hated society. Hailey always seemed like the girl who grew up way too fast, destined for great things. She was the nice and beautiful person who knew how to make you smile, the girl who never stopped talking once you got to know her...I never knew that self absorbed and close minded needed to be added to that list. I always had a vision of Hailey being something different. I never expected her to let me down like this, to act so cynical. She never seemed like one to follow society, but to follow her heart I didn't get it. This was the same girl who cried on my shoulder because I was graduating. The same girl who tickled me and playfully wrestled with me on her couch almost seven days a week I started the camaro up, not talking again. Hailey was still sitting in the passenger seat, her hand over her face. It was a quiet car ride home. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Life is waiting for you. It's all messed up, but we'll survive." - Our Lady Peace's "Life" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arlene Johnson's eyebrow raised as her daughter sat at the kitchen table, quietly toying with her food. She was well aware of her daughters strange behavior, but didn't know what to quite think of it. She had never had serious issues with her messy room, or constant TV watching, but this she did have a problem with. She had a serious problem with her daughter living in silence sixteen hours a day, seven days a week. "Alright, you've been quite like this for a week now. What's going on Hailey?" She looked back up at her mother, not saying much of anything. She felt it wasn't a matter that concerned her. She just shrugged. "Not much to say, I guess." "Where is Amy?" Arlene knew what was going on, she wasn't ignorant. She paid plenty of attention to her daughter. "Who cares?" Well, that explains some of it, she thought. "Well, you must. You've been a mute for a week. That's the only thing that I can see has changed, besides your room looking like a tornado went through it." "Don't worry about it mom. It's my problem." Hailey pulled out her chair from the kitchen table and began to the front door, most likely going for a walk. Arlene sighed, not really knowing what to do as her daughter closed the door behind her.