Date: Mon, 2 Jul 2007 12:49:30 +0100
From: Big_L X <shadow_angel223@hotmail.com>
Subject: Shadow Angel lesbian highschool

******************************************************

For 3 years I have admired her from the side lines. For 3 years I have been
picking up information about her from the grapevine. For 3 years I still
remain unnoticed, and for 3 years I've shed tears nearly every night for
this girl. This immensely beautiful girl.

*******************************************************

Here I was like every other, fucked up day of my life seating by myself at
lunch, I looked over and Kim, she was half African American and half
Japanese, her dad was dead, she lived with her mom who was stinking rich,
she was cheerleader and very popular. While me... I was stuck in foster
care since as far back as I can remember my name is Danni. I'm a straight A
grade student you'd think I'd be happy about that but I couldn't care less,
I've never got any credit for my work so I've always been in the shadows.
  So her I was staring at her laugh, smile frown taking in all her feature,
that were what I'd call perfection. Her very light brown skin and dark long
hair, her immensely beautiful and soul consuming eyes, always managed to
take my breath away. I always asked myself. How long will this go on for?
And the answer was the same. Till death. Now don't be thinking I'm some
emotionally unstable freak who dresses in black and pierces herself all
over the place. No I'm not. I'm Latino that's all I know and I love R&B and
hip hop. I don't know anything about my heritage, except I'm Latino and it
was easy to tell from the permanent tan I have.

********************************************************

  I'm gonna talk to her one day. Maybe tomorrow. Shit I've been saying that
from the past three years. Danni that's what her name was. Her eyes full of
sorrow and mystery, and her eyes were always distant as if she was in
constant thought. Yes I might be popular and pretty, but I'd give all of
that up for just a conversation with this girl. A chance to gain her
friendship.

I went to the library for my free study period, the only time I can be by
myself and I loved it. I was searching for a book on art design then there
she was, she had her head down and she w3as sketching in her little sketch
book. This was it. I thought moment of truth.
   "Hey what you doin," I asked, sitting down opposite her. She looked up
her eyes wide in, fear ... and emotion I could not read. She muttered
something I could not hear, and she closed her book very quickly.
  "Are you okay?" I asked. I was bewildered by this display of emotions all
in one second.
  "I gotta go," she mumbled jumping out her chair and leaving in a
rush. Shit I didn't know I was that bad I thought. I was pretty hurt. Then
I looked and saw her sketch book she had forgotten it. I took it an opened
it. I was filled with pictures of me. One where I was at the lunch table
laughing. She got it just right every feature. There was another were I had
my head down and was writing I was in the library. There were so many. It
had dates on them they dated back to march 2004. 3 years ago. This girl had
been drawing me from the side lines for three years. I felt such joy but it
was taken over with sorrow. Because girl has been ignored for three years
and now I just scared the shit outta her. I put her book down open and just
sat and thought for a while. Suddenly she rushed in and stared down in
complete horror. She grabbed her book and then suddenly I grabbed her
wrist. I didn't mean to but, it was a reflex action.
    "Sit down," I said very softly. She looked down at me and had this very
scared look on her face.
  "The pictures aren't you, they are...... of...... this..... Person.... I
mean singer," she gasped she was going on trying to think of words.
  "Who might that be," I said smiling very amused.
  "Amerie," she replied I could see she was trying to be calm but it wasn't
working. I just wanted to take her into my arms and hug her and protect her
from harm.
  "Sit down," she said softly.
  "No, so you can laugh at me and tell your cheerleader friends that I sat
for three years drawing picture of you no way, so leave me alone and I
don't want your sympathy, I just want to be left alone," she sobbed and
when she did my heart nearly broke I don't know why. Shit I didn't even
know her. She turned to leave without her book.
  "What bout your book," I yelled after her.
  "Keep it for your own amusement or whatever," She mumbled, and then she
left.
  I knew then that I had to know better and that this wasn't over, not by a
long shot. School went slower than usual, my mind filled with the
mysterious Danni. I found out her name, from her sketch book. I still
couldn't get over her drawings of me. They were amazing each stroke was so
precise the looked exactly like me. She even put in the little beauty spot
I had under my eye I had to know this girl.

********************************************************

Today couldn't have gone any worse, my life is over I have nothing to live
for no family, no love, no..... Kim.  I ran home, ignored my foster parents
as I always did. They made an effort but I learned that getting close just
cause's pain because you loose them anyway. I rushed to my room and lay
down. I put on my music stereo and stuck Ne-yo's latest album on (Because
of you). She just cried as Do you played. She was a 101% sure Danni was out
there having a fun and laughing at her pictures, the thought just made her
cry harder.
  "Hey your mom sent me up," a voice said at my door. I looked up and saw
Danni standing there she looked sad. I must've been dreaming it wouldn't
have been the first time.
  "Go away," I sobbed. Frustration took over, why couldn't I get over this,
shit now I freaking imagining her at my door looking like she actually
cared. Then I felt a hand stroke my hair gasped and jumped and fell of my
bed. Not the most comfortable situation. It just made me cry harder. I felt
like such a fool, probably looked like one too.
  "It's okay, I wanna be your friend for real," Kim said kneeling in front
of me. I just sat there with my knees pulled against my chest looking at
this beauty, who actually looked sincere so stupid smirk, or evil grin just
her being sincere.
  "Really," I mumbled. I must've sounded stupid but she didn't seem to
think so.

********************************************************

She smiled at me, showing a nice set of white pearly teeth. It was truly
amazing. I took her hand and pulled her into a hug.
  "Okay let's start again, hey I'm Kimiko Dontell, mix race. 17 years old
and a cheerleader," she said smiling. I knew all about her but I let her
speak.
  "I'm Danni, 16 but 17 in the next few weeks, I'm Latino and that's it,"
she replied. I could tell she felt awkward but I needed to break the ice
you feel me. I pulled her into a hug and th4e most amazing sensation came
over me, a feeling I couldn't ignore, I've never been with a girl, but I
had these kind of feeling before but I always ignored them, but this
couldn't be ignored. I felt her sigh in my neck and it was nice and
sensual.

Weeks went by and we became closer she no longer sat on her own she sat
with me and the girls who accepted her, and when petty conversations went
on we made I contact and she smiled I knew there and them I was in
love. She was my shadow angel. Though I know she'd probably never feel the
same way.

Then came the day, it all hit home.

  "Kim, KIM!" she yelled running down the hall way as I closed my
locker. She had a look of excitement all over her face. She had become my
best friend, and she told me everything, about how she always wanted to be
my friend.
  "What," I said smiling at her.
  "Darien Richards just asked me out," she smiled. My face just dropped,
and I think she noticed so I quickly cheered up.
  "What did you say," I casually asked. I could hear my heart beating like
crazy hoping and wishing she had said no.
  "Nothing, I told him I'd think about it, hey Kim are you okay?" she
asked.
  "Yeah I'm fine just head rush anyway, when are you going to give him your
answer? Do you like him?" I blurted out.
  "Erm... I'm going to tell him tomorrow, and well I kind of like him, and
it's really nice to have a guy who actually is paying attention to me," she
said.
  "What's that suppose to mean, loads of people pay attention to you, if
you took the time to notice," I yelled I didn't mean to but I was angry, so
I just stomped away leaving her dazed and all water eyed. I couldn't
concentrate the whole day, one of my girls told me they saw her crying in
the cafeteria and it broke my heart. Why did have to be such and asshole?
  When I got home my mind was racing and my heart was aching and I couldn't
take it. I grabbed my car keys and rushed out.
  "Mom, I'm going out don't wait up," I yelled then left.  I drove straight
to her house I was wondering what I would say to her, why had I acted that
way? I almost turned around but remembering her eyes just kept me going I
had to make it up to her. I parked then got out the car. I knocked on the
door. Her foster mom let me in and sent me up as she always did. I rushed
up to her room, she was bent over her desk drawing, I saw a tear fall on to
her page, why did I always fuck things up. I let out a sigh which made her
turn around and look at me.
  I couldn't read all the emotions in her eyes.
  "I said no," she said quietly.
  "Why, I'm really sorry honey about this afternoon, I was a bitch I was in
a bad mood and I took it out on you," I sighed sitting down next to her.
  "It's okay," she mumbled. This girl was so fragile and I just wanted to
protect her, and mother fuckers like Darien didn't deserve her.
  "Come gimme a hug," I said standing up and stretching out my arms. She
got up and hugged me. Her head rested on my shoulder.
  "I love you Kim," she whispered. This made me smile.
  "I love you too honey," I whispered back and I felt her smile in my
neck. That night I slept over at her house because she didn't want me to
go. I was touched.
  "Anyway I was wearing one of her big t-shirts, and I couldn't sleep, I
pretended, anyway while I was fake sleeping I felt something warm go up my,
it was her hand she was going higher then she just stopped. Why did she
stop? She was spooning against me and it felt so nice to have her so
close. I moved a bit maybe her hand would go higher but she withdrew it
quickly. I see girl shy maybe she need a little encouragement ;) I rolled
and turned to her, she had her closed, so I wrapped my arms around her and
pulled closer. The closed my eyes, and began to doze off for real. Then I
felt her hand go up my shirt and straight up to my breast she gently
rubbed, I had to hold in my moan because I know she would withdraw back
into her shell, I squinted and I saw her eyes closed and her biting her
lips, she looked adorable, then she stopped turned and turned around. Word
could not express my disappointment. So I just let out a sigh and put my
arms round her waist and spooned her.

*********************************************************

Waking up with this beautiful girl holding me was nice, I don't know what
came over me last night all I know it would never happen again, if she
found out I would really loose her. I got up from the bed and went to the
window and stared at the sun rising as I did every morning, usually I'd be
thinking bout Kim, and today wasn't different. Maybe if I actually get a
boyfriend, I'll be able to suppress and finally make these feelings go away
   "Hey," Kim said waking up running her hands through her hair. She looked
really pretty.
   "Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you," I asked her.
   "Yeah shoot," she replied.
   "Well I was wondering if you meant what you said that I could you know
date whoever I wanted," I asked her. She paused for a second and looked at
me.
   "Sure you can its not like I'm your mom she said laughing and dragging
me into a hug. I laughed with her.

We spent the weekend together laughing and shopping she did most of the
shopping because I did not like to shop.

  After a few weeks Darien and I started dating and everyone said we looked
cute together. He was a really nice guy. We talked a lot and started
hanging together more and more. I loved Darien, he was amazing but it still
didn't get rid of my feeling for Kim, every time I was around her so I
didn't hang around her as much as I use to.
  "Hey Kim," I said sitting at her table for lunch. She looked up at me and
smiled but didn't really say anything.
  "Hey what's wrong," I asked. All her friend looked at me and smiled and
left. I don't know why, but it was all getting a bit awkward.
   "Hey Danni do you still love me," she asked not looking up at me. I got
up and sat next to her.
   "Of course I do more than anything you're my best friend," I said
hugging but she just pulled away.
   "Then why don't you hang out with me anymore," she was getting angry.
   "Oh I'm sorry its just Darien he likes to be with me a lot and its kind
of taking a bit of my time," I smiled. "By the way tomorrow is my birthday
and I'm not doing anything so I just want to have a bit of a get together
you know have a few friends over," I said smiling.
  "Cool whose going to be there?" she asked.
  "Me, Darien, Sasha, hopefully you and Jaya and that's it," I told her.
   "I cant come, sorry but I've got to help my mom," she said getting up to
leave. But I grabbed her arm.
   "Please," I begged. She looked down and I thought she was going to give
in but she did anything but.
  "No, I promised my mom so happy birthday I hope you and Darien have a
nice life together," she mumbled and hurried of. What was that all about,
she sounded like a jealous ex-girlfriend. I got up and rushed after her, I
saw her go into the toilet and so I went in after her.
  "What's wrong with you, you said it was okay then you get mad, I wish you
would just talk to me and stop shutting me out," I yelled at her. I didn't
mean to raise my voice but it just came out like that.
   "Whatever Danni just leave me the fuck alone go rot in your stupid
corner," she growled at me. I gasped at what she said no one had said
anything that horrible to me. I tear strolled down my eyes and I rushed
out.
  "Danni wait," she yelled after me but it was too let she had said how she
felt; I should have never trusted her. I ran down the corridor and straight
home.
  "What's wrong honey my foster mom?" she had a really worried expression
on her face. All I could was rush into her arms and hug her as I sobbed.
  "Thanks," I said when I clamed down.
  "For what honey?" she asked.
  "Just for being there and not giving up on me," I said.
  "Believe or not honey but me and Dwayne love you and we wish you talked
to us more," she sighed.
  "I will, and Dee please if Kim come by tell her I'm not in or something,"
I told her.
  "Sure thing honey," she said and with that I got up and went to my
room. I was tired of crying over Kim I didn't know what she wanted so I was
going to bother. I knew I'd probably never get over what she said but I
could try. Right. No it aint that easy to get over things but I know I
don't want to see her for now.
  "She's not here!" I heard my foster mom yell.
   "Look Dee, I've seen her and I really need to speak to her," I heard Kim
say.
   "Look Kim you're a nice girl, but Danni does not want to see you," I
heard Dee say back to her. I knew she wouldn't be able to keep her out for
long so I did what I did when I was in the foster home and climbed out the
window. Not before writing a note.

********************************************************

I finally managed to get past Dee and I rushed upstairs, she rushed after
me and then when we got there the room was empty, but the window was open I
walked over to her bed and saw a note. It said

Thanks Dee I know you tried but I had to get out, Tell Kim I don't want to
see her, I'll be back soon.

With that I rushed out the house to go look for her I knew I'd taken it too
far, she had practically worshipped me and I'd thrown it back in her
face. I was so mad at myself. I rushed down the road I couldn't be bothered
to drive I needed to clear my head. I went to the park and there she was on
the benches drawing in a new sketch book. I walked up behind and watched
her, she was drawing me again, but I was angry her hand worked like and
expert. She growled then tore the page out and threw it down. I picked it
up and sat opposite her.
   "Yeah girl looks like a bitch," I smiled. She looked at me, her eyes
were cold. "I'm really sorry Danni," I said to her reaching out for her
hand. She moved away getting up.
   "Yeah were have I heard that before," she said walking away. I rushed
after her.
   "Please, you're my best friend it wouldn't be the same without you," I
said after her.
   "You were doing fine before you knew I think I'm just going to go back
to my corner and rot," she turned and said to me she was fighting back the
tears. "Kim leave me alone I never want to se you again," she mumbled, I
sensed uncertainty but she still turned and left me standing there dazed.
   "Darien is an idiot," I yelled after her, and then she stopped and
walked over to me menacingly.
   "You've got no right at all to say that you don't even know him," she
said stepping up to me.
   "I know him well enough to know that he is going to hurt you and you're
too good for him," I replied.
   "What, like you hurt me it would take a lot for him to do that," she
spat back. This girl was driving me insane I wanted her so bad I just
wanted to grab her and kiss her until she forgot about Darien and only I
filled her mind.
   "Why don't we sit and talk about this," I said grabbing her hand. Put
she just pulled away.
   "I think you've said enough," she replied then she actually turned and
walked away this time. I called after her but she acted like she didn't
hear me.

The weeks went by and my life was a misery my girls noticed it and asked me
what was up but I always told them it was nothing. They still hung out with
Danni because like me they had grown attached to her shy warming smile and
her infectious laugh, she never spoke to me but that didn't me I didn't
have girls back. One day I was walking down the hall, it was empty then I
heard voices definitely Darien's and his goons.
  "So how's it going with you and the Latina," one of them said.
  "Good," he replied.
   "So have you bedded her," one of them said.
   "No but tonight's the night whether she likes it or not," Darien
laughed.  It took so much will power not to go there and knock his block
of. I needed a plan he was going to hurt and I'd die before I let that
happen.
   "Good cause the bet is ending tomorrow," one of them said.
   "I know and by tomorrow you'll owe me twenty, my mom and dad are away
and I invited her over where we going get our freak on," he laughed I heard
his friend hi-5 him what a jerk. I couldn't tell Danni she wouldn't believe
me I had to do this on my own. And that was exactly what I was going to do
I had to knock sense into girl before she got hurt and if possible make her
mine.