Date: Tue, 9 Oct 2007 02:29:02 -0400
From: Latisha Smith <shelle_r02@hotmail.com>
Subject: the good,the bad, and the queen chapter 4

Warning: This story contains may contain (I haven't decided
yet) sexual relationships between women. If it is illegal in
your country to be subjected to this kind of material or
sexual relationships between women offend you leave now.

This story is property of the author permission from the
author must be given for reproduction of this story.


Terrified is probably a good descriptive word when it comes
to how I feel right now. My urge to throw up wasn't exactly
helping my decision making at the moment either. I was in
front of my closet staring blankly at the different colours
and styles of clothes that I have never and probably would
never wear. After what happened with Alex yesterday, (the
whole jogging thing) I should be happy, ecstatic even, and I
am. A part of me is, but an even bigger part of me is
petrified. I stayed up all night, thinking about what I'm
risking every time I talk to her. I don't want to face it,
the thing that scares me the most, the thing that I've been
running from most of my life, the thing that's getting
harder to run from every time I see her.

Jackie was doing the whole silent treatment thing, for the
record it's nearly impossible for Jackie to keep silent.
Alex and Jackie were at the door, correction Alex was at the
door while Jackie was out on the sidewalk with her back
facing the house. Yea she was still pissed at me.
     "Hey Jackie."
     "Humph.did you here something Alex?" She clicked her
tongue.
     "She's pretty mad at you." Alex smiled stating the
obvious. I smiled back her. She was wearing this light green
shirt that really complimented her eyes.For a moment I
forgot who I was and what I was doing. "Soooo," Alex said
breaking the silence, "I guess we should get going?"
     "uh-oh yea..sorry" I felt my face getting warm, as Alex
gave me a weird look.

We walked for about ten minutes, Alex and I occasionally
making small talk, when Jackie realized I was ignoring her
as she ignored me. She whispered something to Alex, who was
walking between Jackie and I. Alex sighed.
     "Jackie wants to know if you have anything to say."
Alex rolled her eyes.
     "Tell Jackie that if she wants to know that she should
ask me directly." Jackie kept a straight face and again
whispered something in Alex's ear.
     "Jackie says she'll give you a break. She says she
knows you're sorry and she forgives you even though you're
too much of a pussy to say it." Jackie shot a smug smile in
my direction and stuck her tongue out at me.
     "Next time let me know when you're PMS-ing, then I
won't be so surprised when you throw a bitch fit."
Alex snorted at Jackie's remark. I rolled my eyes at both of
them, Jackie was smiling and I was smiling and everything
was back to normal.

     "Well I hope whatever ailment you had yesterday is all
cleared up. I know all about your attendance record Miss
Clark and if your so called ailments are preventing you from
attending class then maybe you don't belong here. Do you
understand?"
     "Yes Miss." I averted my eyes. Anywhere but the beady
hawk like eyes of Miss Leja. Despite her tiny stature she
was known for her no nonsense attitude. I wasn't exactly
shocked when I walked in the classroom and she instantly
sunk her claws into me, I was just happy to make it out
without a visit to the principles office. I took a seat in
an empty desk that happened to be beside a smirking Alex.
Half the class was snickering at me and my run in with Leja
and the other half was already over it and talking amongst
themselves about more important issues.
     "You know, Kira you fully deserved that."
     "Yeah, whatever."  My face felt warm, for the second
time today and it was only second period.
      "If you're not too busy in detention after school.I
was wondering if you wanted to come running with me or
whatever."
Miss Leja had begun her lesson and was writing the heading
on the board, while all around me students were taking out
fresh pieces of papers ready to take notes. I turned to
Alex, she was turned away from me, not giving me a chance to
respond, and copying down whatever it was that was on the
board.  Then it hit me, maybe she thought I wasn't
interested in going with her because I didn't say yes right
away. Yes, I wanted to scream as loud as my voice would
allow. I didn't care about disturbing the class, or getting
detention. I could just tell her yes, but I couldn't I mean
I can , but I know I that I won't, I could also just let it
die like she never asked me. Just pretend like I forgot.
Didn't matter how, I just can't say yes. I can't be around
her alone anymore. I opened my binder that was sitting on
the top corner of my desk and pulled out a sheet of clean
lined paper.
Sorry I can't.  I scribbled on the first line. I folded the
paper until it was just a tiny square. I turned to her, she
stopped writing long enough to see the folded paper I handed
it to her and smiled apologetically before I got another
sheet of paper and promptly wrote down the note that was on
the board. I paid attention for the rest of class, even when
I heard the crumbling of paper being unfolding. I kept my
eyes straight ahead on the board.

Entry 7 English class
11:10 am (almost lunch time)
Day 3 .07

     Sorry I can't.
That bugs me.
I should be paying attention,
Taking notes
But it's bugging me
I was hoping.
I don't know what I was hoping.
It doesn't matter anyways
She can't.


Lunch was awkward, almost as uncomfortable as it was two
days ago when Jackie first invited Alex to sit at our table.
The difference with two days ago, Monday, and today,
Wednesday, is that on Monday I ran off with some lame excuse
a few minutes after the former new girl sat down and today
that new girl is now my friend, somewhat, and instead of
running off I'm sitting here at the lunch table, which used
to be crowded with guys by the way, beside Alex, the not so
new, new girl, and in front of Jackie. I'm silent. My mouth
isn't too full of, cafeteria bought mashed potatoes (atleast
I think it's sopposed to be mashed potatoes), I'm pushing
that around with my plastic fork. Jackie and Alex are
immersed in some deep conversation and I'm feeling pretty
shitty. Alex hasn't said anything about me blowing her off,
actually she just acted pretty normal about it after the
bell rang. During English though she barely said a word to
me, you can imagine how terrible that was. The whole time I
was trying to think up something to say anything, maybe an
excuse, I just wanted to know what was going on through her
mind. Before I knew it the bell rang and Alex gathered up
her stuff turned and smiled while she waited for me. The
last thing I expected was for her to wait for me. And now
we're here in the caff, them talking, me confused and quiet.
Maybe I should go.
     "Hey guys," they momentarily stopped their
conversation. "I'm gonna take off for a bit."
     "Where are you going?" Jackie's face fell. I briefly
looked at Alex she opened her mouth like she wanted to say
something only to close it.
     "I don't know, I'll probably go sit outside for a bit."
I answered truthfully, as I put my backpack on and took up
with my lunch tray.
     "Do you want us to come?" Jackie looked really
concerned, later she would probably ask me if I'm okay or
something. I sighed suddenly feeling a lot more stressed.
     " Naw it's cool. See you after lunch." Alex nodded and
Jackie looked at me like I was some foreign language she
couldn't read.

In my opinion, the best class in this school is Media Arts.
It's usually run by this erratic teacher, Mr. Filipuik, who
shouts random yet loving insults at the students. Today the
class is being held in the library because the media arts
room is under construction, that's code for all the
computers aren't set up yet. That meant the class had no
actual access to computers because the library computers
were already booked by another class. Our teacher Mr.
Filipuik brought all 15 of us to the very back of the
library and declared this our study period.  Instead of
keeping an eye on us like a good teacher should, Mr.
Filipuik promptly ambled over to Mrs. Scott, the middle
aged, married librarian, and proceeded to flirt with her.
Three thirds of the class left as soon as the words study
period left Filipuike's mouth. He didn't mind. Alex and I
decided to stay (ha and Zari thinks I skip a lot) along with
three other students who managed to snag the only remaining
computer. I took my English homework out thinking maybe
taking it out would motivate me to do the homework but after
five minutes of starring at a blank sheet of paper I got
distracted by Alex. She was scribbling something in an
illegible script in a small blue notebook. I tried to look
over her shoulder until she caught me and instead of closing
her notebook she turned her body in my direction and looked
me straight in the eye. My breathing stopped, momentarily
and I could feel myself blushing. She didn't look away. She
was doing that thing that I hate, looking right through and
into me at the same time.
     "Are you busy after school?"
     "No." I answered automatically. Then I realized what I
said, and English and jogging came back to me and I
immediately hated myself when she looked away from me and
looked down at the table. "It's not that I don't want to." I
found my self trying to explain, anything to get that hurt
look off her face.
     "So you can't."
     "No, not exactly." She was looking at me again.
     "Oh, you don't want to."
     "No I want to come but. it's complicated, I.look forget
about the note I take it back."
     "You can't take it back."
     "Well.let's pretend I can. Poof, see it I took it back.
Ask me again.".
     "Why should I? What if you reject me all over again?" I
could tell she was trying hard to keep from smiling.
     "You won't be, c'mon ask me again."
     "okay," she sighed, " do wanna come jogging with me
after school today?"
     "Yea, of course, just come over..see I told you to ask
me again."
     "Whatever, I still haven't forgiven you," she turned
away from me and back to her notebook. "you owe me big
time."

I hate waiting. It was after school and I'm waiting for Alex
to show up. We didn't really specify a time or anything but
she did say after 6ish so here I am it's after 6ish I've
taken a shower, washed my hair and I'm waiting by the
kitchen table.  At 7:30 the doorbell rings and I calmly
walked to the front door not surprised by the least to see
Alex standing there in a pair of light green short shorts
and a white T. When I manage to tear my eyes away from her
legs I notice the rather buff guy standing behind her.
     "That's Aiden," she says as I close the door. "Aiden
this is Kira."  Aiden half waves at me and immediately feel
relived because I know there is no way Aiden is her
boyfriend. Aiden is gay. I know this not because of his
manly build and his handsome features, he doesn't look like
the stereotypical gay guy, I just know this because he is
gay and I can sense these things, at least when it comes to
guys.  We start running, I'm slightly ahead of Aiden and
Kira but it doesn't matter because the sidewalk isn't big
enough for all three of us anyway. Kira tells me how Aiden
is her best friend from the Academia.
     "Yes I do take ballet, and I am wayyy better than that
one over there." He says playfully. Kira narrows her eyes
and scoffs.
     "Pleasse I'm way out of shape but I bet I can still
kick your ass in a good ol' fashion dance off any day."
     "Name the place and time honey."
And on they went, I was pretty quiet throughout most of
there entertaining banter but I was enjoying myself as I
listened to them. They were obviously very close. When it
started getting dark we end up in front of my house.
     "So I'll see you tomorrow?" Alex asks, I can't help but
smile at the tiny bit of hope I sense in her voice.
     "Yea, today was fun. It was nice meeting you Aiden."
     "You too, Kira. Bye."
          "Bye, I'll see you guys tomorrow." I said as I
walked the front door. I was happy for the first time in
what seemed like ages.

*sorry it took my ages to finish this chapter. I actually
started to hate this story a bit because I felt it veered
too far away from the original vision I had. but anyways I
have a different version of it on gay authors and it has
undergone major surgery so it's a bit different but it's
still the same.let's just say it's a lot closer to my
original vision


**comments welcome at shelle_r02@hotmail.com
*** http://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=452
for the more edited version of the same story.