Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2008 00:23:53 -0500
From: Latisha Smith <shelle_r02@hotmail.com>
Subject: the good the bad and the queen chapter 6

Warning: This story contains may contain (I haven't decided
yet) sexual relationships between women. If it is illegal in
your country to be subjected to this kind of material or
sexual relationships between women offend you leave now.

This story is property of the author permission from the
author must be given for reproduction of this story.

Big Thanks to my new editor Steph, the ultimate spell check.

Entry 8 the house of hell
8:20 pm
Day 20

Yeah okay Debbs should just die.
What is she insinuating?
That I don't go out?
That I'm boring?
Me, as if?
Cuz I go out!
Oh yea I go out plenty.
I mean I haven't been out in a while.
But that's because.
So what if I'm depressed
Screw you Debb!
YOU SUCK!

* note to self: make an effort to go out more
* okay I don't actually want you to die Debbs just get a new
personality or something

     In English class, the main focus is copying what's on
the board so that Miss Leja doesn't bite your head off. At
lunch time the focus is letting Jackie go on and on about
the "sexy guy with the great personality" that she met at
the club. Ask her what his name is and it shuts her up for a
good 30 minutes as she struggles to remember. After lunch I
have computer class. I don't really think it's a computer
class when it just consists of 90% of the class leaving
because the tech room is under construction, and the rest of
the class watching Mr. Filipuik hit on the librarian, Mrs.
Scott. Last year I would be apart of that 90%, but this year
I don't mind because Alex and I just spend the whole hour
cracking jokes as Mrs. Scott plays hard to get. Today is
different. After what almost happened yesterday I couldn't
look at Alex all day without remembering how close I came to
fucking up our friendship and not to mention my whole life.
I haven't been able to think about anything else. Alex is
sweet and all, but there's no telling how she would react if
I did something as fucked up as that. I just don't know what
I would do if she found out I liked her. Would she hate me?
Would she make everyone else hate me?  I contemplated all
this while I walked past the library and exited through the
side doors of the school. I couldn't be alone with Alex
today. I needed to clear my head.

     Since it was early in the afternoon, Starbucks was
practically empty, which is great cause I'm so not in a
friendly mood right now. There was only one well dressed
dude waiting at the far end of the counter for his drink. As
I walked past him he nudged me, "Don't I know you?" When I
turned around and saw Aidan, my bitchy mood practically
melted.
     "Aidan, this is so weird, I wouldn't expect to see
you." I said as I turned to face him. He shrugged casually
and smiled. The girls serving drinks behind the counter,
swooned simultaneously, of course Aidan was totally
oblivious.
     "Yeah," he sighed, his voice loaded with sarcasm,
"Starbucks is beneath me. Today I felt like slumming" I
laughed. He had both of his hands in the pockets of his snug
fitting navy jeans. His posture was casually slouched and
the striped blue and grey cardigan he wore over a white tee
really completed the "chill" look he had going on. The old
school beat up chucks he wore didn't hurt the look either.
     "I wasn't talking about a person like you being in a
dump like this. I meant, isn't there a Starbucks like, five
minutes away from your school?"
     "And you know this because.?"
     "Running route, I've passed by it a couple times with
Alex." I felt a pang in my chest as I said her name. Yea,
I'm probably not gonna run with her today
     "I was about to call you a stalker. Anyways. so Hun,
what's going on? You look like your dog just died or
something?"
     "Is it really that obvious that I'm having a shitty
day?"
     "To me it is, but I've been told I'm really
perceptive." I was surprised at the concern and honesty in
his voice.
     "Um, sir? Your drink is ready." Aidan and I turned in
the direction of the brunette working behind the counter.
She was clearly undressing Adrian with her eyes. Aidan
turned back to me.
     "I'll go get us some seats at the back, when you have
your order come sit and tell me what's going on in your
pretty little mind." He winked, in a blatant attempt to get
the brunette all worked up.
     "Oh Adrian youuur so funny." I giggled in that annoying
way girls do when they fall all over guys. I hate that.
Aidan got his drink and went off to find a table while the
brunette kept her eyes on his behind.

     I was glad Aidan got seats in a corner, we're probably
gonna need the privacy. While we sipped our lattes, he
started to tell me a story about Alex's first performance,
which had happened when they were in kindergarten. I don't
really know how we got on the subject of Alex, but it was
fun hearing about the funny embarrassing moments. It made me
almost forget I came here to not think about her.
     "She was so nervous about performing, that she started
throwing up in the middle of the stage and a couple of
dancers went sliding around in her mess." Aidan said
laughing manically.
     "Gross!"
     "I know the funniest thing is she totally denies it
now, like it never happened."
     "I don't blame her."
     "Neither do I but, Alex has selective memory. She
deliberately forgets humiliating memories, have you noticed
it yet?" Aidan raised an eyebrow.
     "Not really. but I'll be able to test that soon, I
guess." I said thinking back to how embarrassed Alex was by
Debbie.
     "Let me know how that goes. It can be quiet irritating;
we've had some major fights over it. But you know what,
because of everything that happened last year she probably
changed."
     "Uh.What happened last year?"
     "Oh shit!" Aidan slapped himself on the forehead with
his palm, "I forgot that I just met you, um.it's not my
place to say but it's pretty heavy, but never mind that,
what are you doing here?"  He asked changing the subject. I
was definitely curious about what had happened last year but
it was obvious Aidan felt crappy about telling me too much
and I didn't want to get him in trouble, so I let it go.
     "I hate school." I said answering his question.
     "Yea so do I, but I think there's more. You looked so
down when I saw you, are you gonna tell me what's up or do I
have to guess?"
     "Oh my god" I sighed, "nothing's up." At this point I
was so avoiding eye contact.
     "Okay so this is how it's gonna be. Guy trouble?" he
paused waiting for my answer.
     "You're such a nerd." I focused on my empty plastic
cup.
     "Girl trouble?"  I tried desperately to hide the
horrified look on my face.
     "No." I squeaked.
     "God! Get out of the closet already it's just more
practical really." I buried my head in my hands as
everything I tried so hard to control and conceal came
undone in a matter of minutes. "Seriously it's no biggie,
I'm gay your gay, that guy over there's gay, you practically
live in one big gay world." I looked up at him, my head
propped on my hands that were still on the table.
     "Thanks I feel a lot better." My voice was completely
in a monotonous tone. Apparently he didn't get the hint
cause he just went on about how gay the world is.
     "Ten percent of the people in this place are gay."
     "No duh! There's only like ten people in here."
     "The point is you're not alone."
     "That's what they all say, but that's not the point." I
thought about how scary it was that he easily was able to
read me. Not only that but Adrian saying it, made it real.
Let's face it, I've been in denial about the whole gay thing
(probably one of the biggest understatements ever), my
gayness was just apart of me that I mostly ignored until
recently. I've never admitted it to myself that I'm...and I
mean hearing someone else say it, is just crazy. "It's not
like totally obvious, right?"
     "Naw, but it's obvious to me you like Alex.'
     "Shit." I felt like throwing up, "it's obvious that I
like her, oh my god! Then every body knows! Oh my god! oh my
go."
     "Obvious to me I said. Damn calm down, I've known her
since kindergarten and like I said I'm pretty perceptive. I
can tell you like her, that doesn't mean anyone else
noticed."
     "Okay well." My insides stabilized a bit.
     "You know you can tell her," he said cutting me off.
"She would be cool with it."
     "I.don't think I'm ready for that yet." It was amazing
how incredible squeaky my voice was.
     "Okay." He smiled. After about ten minutes of silence I
was finally able to control my vocal cords and my breathing.
I was still a bit freaked out about what had just happened
but for some reason I felt a bit better. "Your adorable." He
said pulling me out of my thoughts.
     "How? I'm like, pathetic."
     "Trust me you're not." And that's when it dawned on me.
     "Hey, you never told me why you're here."
     "Do I have to?" He groaned
     "Obviously."
     "I'm meeting this guy I met through a friend." Even
though he blushed you can tell he was totally comfortable
saying that.
     "Awww is it a date?"
     "Yea." He said sheepishly. "I don't wanna talk about it
anymore I might jinx it."
     "You're such a nerd. You'll be fine, you look hot."
     "Thanks, he'll be here in like.20 minutes." He said
checking his watch.
     "Oh okay I should go, don't wanna intrude on your
date." Yea and also school's like over, and I have to make
it look like I actually went.
     "Trust me, I don't mind."
     "Liar. I'll see you around." I said getting up.
     "Fer sure."


Entry 9 the bedroom
10:00 pm
Day 21

     It's so cute how Zari Is all concerned every time Kira
skips.
And I totally didn't snitch this time.
She probably used her weird twin telepathy and found out.
But what ever
I'm kinda pis0sed at Kira
Why?
no real reason
it's hard to explain
It's like I expect to spend like every waking moment with
her.
It's just I have a certain routine.
And I didn't realize how fucking, like, dependant I am
Third period fully sucked today I was all by myself
*tear*
Totally sucked
I'm so used to being a loner that's what was so weird about
it
Anyways
Seeing as how today is Friday
And tomorrow is Saturday
I'm going to the mall
tommorrow
Because that's what sociable teenagers do and I'm sociable
So I called Kira and she's going with me to buy new leotard
And oh my god
BIG NEWS!
I can't believe I forgot to write this

So Miss Carmine called and she wants to give me private
lessons
For FREE!
and at first I was like, I don't know
let me think about it
But my mom was in the room and she was freaking out that I
would even consider something that would normally just be a
given
So I said yes
And on Mondays I'll be in my old class room
At my old school
After school (thank god)
Being taught by my favorite teacher
for free!

It was weird talking to her though
She was like, apologizing for what happened and like, saying
how unfair it was
Etc.
Hearing her say that was like, whoa
I kinda felt like I was going through it all over again for
the first time
Honestly, I'm not ready to talk about it
I don't think I ever will be
Fucking mom's getting on my nerves always talking about
therapy
But I think she'll reconsider cuz I've been hanging out with
Kira
And I'm a little more normal
A little les depressed
And I'm a little more over it
I guess


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Once again thanks for reading and I just want to thank
everyone for all your positive feedback I really appreciate
it.

Comments and the like can be sent to pump.rock@yahoo.com.