Date: Thu, 05 Jun 2003 15:18:52 +0100
From: Jan Vincent <jan123@hotmail.com>
Subject: Sisters - Chapter 4

Dwelling of the guilty party:

jan123@hotmail.com

http://www.sistersinlove.org


CHAPTER FOUR: FRUSTRATION


"Nikki, come to me," a female voice implored. "Come to me."  Nikki couldn't
say who was calling her so desperately.  The girl's face would sometimes
materialize in her mind, or dissolve in the next moment as mist on a sunny
day.  Nikki reached out for the other girl, but their fingers never touched,
as if an invisible wall stood between them.  Nikki screamed, calling for the
girl, who resembled her in so many ways.  Her heart beat faster, and she
could feel the acid accumulating in her lungs and muscles, because the other
girl kept falling and falling...  away from her.

Nikki woke up, startled, confused, her eyes becoming acquainted with the
darkness of her surroundings.  She realized she was at the beach house, in
her bedroom, and that she had had a bad dream.  The other girl in her dream
was Linda, she decided, as she stared at her sister.  Linda was still
sleeping, wearing her usual T-shirt -- she hated pajamas! -- her long curls
swept across her back.  Linda's right leg was bent and naked, teasing the
T-shirt upward, and the sheet away from her body.  Seeing this, Nikki became
again excited with desire.  The craving for Linda's kisses returned, making
her lips dry.  Nikki recalled how Big Sis now avoided the slightest physical
contact between them if they happened to be close together.  If confronted
with what had happened on Saturday evening, Linda reiterated that it wasn't
right, that it had all been a mistake, her mistake.  Nikki had tried to
reason with her but Big Sis wouldn't stay and listen to her arguments.  The
twins had ruined everything, especially Zoe.  In spite of Zoe's big mouth,
Linda had managed to prevent a major earthquake at home.  As always, Big Sis
got her own way, talking Zoe into silence -- but for how long?

The twins were still mad at them, although for different reasons.  Jeannie
was jealous of what Linda and she had, which was...  nothing; and Zoe was
jealous of what might happen between her twin sister and Linda, which was
NOTHING, either.  Nikki shook her head, getting out of bed, discarding the
feeling that their lives were turning into one of those TV soap operas she
hated so much.  Living the lives of others was not her idea of fun.  She was
a doer, not a dreamer.  If she wanted something, she would do (almost)
anything to get it.  Linda had taught her to chase after her dreams and
fight for her happiness.  But what would Big Sis say about her daydreams
right now?

Making as little noise as possible, Nikki washed herself and dressed,
wearing her bikini under her beach shorts and her sleeveless, top-cropped
T-shirt.  She went downstairs, turning on the lights of a deserted kitchen. 
It was 7:45 AM, too early even for Dad if he didn't have to leave for work. 
It was Spring Break and Dad had taken a few days off his busy-busy schedule
to stay with his wife and kids.  He was to leave on Wednesday as he had an
important meeting waiting for him in Houston, Texas.  Mom would then take
off for Palm Springs with a friend of hers and, as usual, would only be back
a couple of days later.  'Just as well,' Nikki thought.  'At least we can do
whatever we want.'

Spring Break ended next Sunday, Nikki realized as she walked out of the back
door, breathing in the fresh air of a lovely morning.  She stretched herself
out in Dad's lawn chair, and at that moment she wished she had a pet, a dog
or a bunny, something she could call her own.  Mom wouldn't allow any living
animal at home, though, because pets were messy and smelled.  Mom was
commanding and stubborn as hell, and so was Linda.  That's why Linda and Mom
couldn't get along -- they were too alike.  Nikki rubbed her tanned, slender
legs, as a chill had run through her body.  Although the morning was sunny
and soothingly warm, she shivered now and then.  Her hands rested on her
thighs, while desire was oozing between her legs.  She didn't care much for
self-relief.  It felt too selfish and lonely.  There were, however, times
when she couldn't resist it, bringing herself to a very satisfying orgasm. 
She hated to deal with the guilt afterwards, though.  When she was just six
Mom had caught her masturbating against Mr. Tom, her favorite teddy bear. 
Mom pulled her up and smacked her bottom, screaming at her in front of Anita
about what a "bad girl" she was.  Mom took Mr.  Tom away and Nikki hadn't
seen him since.  Many years later Linda told her she shouldn't feel guilty
about rubbing herself off.  If she felt like it she should do it, and to
hell with what Mom thought.

"And do you do it?" Nikki had asked.

"Yes, of course.  Most folks do but won't admit it." Linda squeezed her
hand, assuring her it was OK what she felt.

Notwithstanding Linda's assurances, Nikki was unable to shake off her
uneasiness about masturbation.  Mom's screaming and her public humiliation
came back to haunt her and to ruin all the pleasure she had just
experienced.  The funny thing was that she didn't feel any guilt whatsoever
about making love with Linda.  No, on the contrary.  She felt liberated,
safe, and out of harm's way.  Linda gave her strength, because Big Sis loved
her.  That Saturday evening Linda had told her so. Her heart thumped
harder.  Nikki felt where her heart should be with her right hand and
wondered whether she was falling in love with Linda.  Linda...  She was so
beautiful, so strong...  'I love her,' she realized, feeling sudden warmth
in her cheeks, surprised by the depth of her feelings.  But Linda was her
sister...  How could she feel this way? How could she?

Nikki heard the back door opening and shutting.  It was Dad, wearing his red
turtleneck, which clashed visibly with his oversized khaki shorts.  Puffing
at his pipe, he greeted her and asked how she felt.  Nikki went through the
motions, engaging in a conversation she was rather uncomfortable with.  She
wondered whether he would ask about Zoe and Linda, and what Zoe wanted to
tell him.  Nikki noticed how carefully he trod with his questioning,
maneuvering their conversation into that very subject.  Fortunately, Linda
barged into the back yard, just in time, as if Big Sis had seen it coming. 
That morning's glorious weather gained sudden priority in Dad's speech, and
it remained so until he walked back into the house, leaving the two girls by
themselves.

Hesitantly Nikki turned her face to Linda, who had stretched herself out on
a lawn chair next to hers.  Linda had her eyelids closed, enjoying the
sunshine.  She wore her usual dark yellow T-shirt and her very short, snug
black shorts.  Without even noticing, Nikki's eyes scanned her sister's
breasts and her brawny, yet feminine long legs.  That familiar wetness
returned, the reactions of her sex putting her to the blush.  As if Big Sis
had noticed her stare, Linda opened her eyes and faced her.

"I almost don't recognize you."

"What?"

"Getting up so early is not exactly what you do on a regular basis."

"I couldn't sleep. Anyway I want to go to the beach early."

"Do you miss the guys that much?

Nikki observed her sister more closely, trying to discern whether that
remark was out of jealousy or was just plain old Linda cracking jokes. 
"No," Nikki said, shaking her head and averting Linda's staring.  That
remark made her terribly sad, although she couldn't say why.  "I don't want
to go to the promenade, not today.  I know this beach, a few miles from
here.  We could take your Jeep and go there, for a change."

"Sounds good to me," Linda replied, shutting her eyes and facing the morning
sun again.  "Let's hope the twins'll think the same."


* * *

"What kind of beach is this?" Zoe asked, jumping off the Jeep. "No one's
here."

"So?" Nikki asked, turning off the engine.  "What's the problem with that?
This is our chance of sunbathing topless.  No one comes here on Monday, at
least not this early."

Despite Zoe's complaining, Linda, Nikki and Jeannie decided to stay and
explore the beach.  Nikki looked up at the sun, judging its height and
strength.  It was another perfect day to lie on the sand, and to enjoy the
sunshine and the waves without the hassle of the promenade and its beach. 
Linda scanned the blue horizon and the quiet sea, her hand screening her
eyes from the sun.

As Zoe had grumbled, the beach was deserted.  Linda felt and heard the sea
breeze flurry against her face and hair, and the grass growing on the sand
dunes.  A few seagulls glided above her, looking for food down in the ocean.

"Nice place, Nikki."

Nikki drew breath to say thanks but decided against it when she exhaled. 
She could feel Linda wanted some distance.  Giving an answer would violate
her sister's wistful mood.  After some discussion with the twins, they chose
a spot near the sand dunes and away from the waveline.  Since they were
going to sunbathe topless, the dunes would offer protection from curious
ogling, should people appear on the beach.  As she slipped off her T-shirt
and shorts, Nikki's eyes moved away from Linda's body.

The tension of excitement had announced its presence between her legs as
soon as she saw Linda's naked breasts and her beautiful, slender body. 
Fortunately Big Sis seemed unaware of her staring, busy as she was with the
oiling of her own arms and ample chest.  Although topless sunbathing was a
rare event for them, their tan lines were almost invisible.  They all wore
expensive bikinis which allowed most of the UV light through.  They had
bought them in an exclusive boutique in Beverly Hills, owned by a man who
did his best to look like David Niven and sound as savvy as a college
professor.

Linda handed the sunblock over to Nikki and asked her how she knew about
this secluded beach.  It was because of Jim Tatum, Nikki explained.  She met
Jim at a Lana Martin's party.  He was a college freshman at the time, nicely
built, strong shoulders and arms but hardly the typical UCLA jock.  He had a
way with words, which reminded her of Linda, and a gleaming two-wheeled
import that would sweep any teenage girl off her feet with its powerful roar
of an angry, thirsty engine.  In the beginning she declined his invitations
to go for a ride.  Jim Tatum scared her somehow.  On the other hand, she was
curious as to what it would feel like riding on a bike like that, feeling
the wind in her hair, leaning against a guy a lot of girls would kill to be
friends with.  In the end Lana whisked her doubts away, and she accepted
Jim's idea of a thrilling date.  And thrilling it was.  She had screamed and
laughed when Jim accelerated and negotiated a tight turn at full speed.  The
ocean stretched away into a cloudless horizon at their right, and huge
boulders of hard rock cropped out at their left, giving them no chance if
Jim lost control of his roaring bike.  After a long ride, he took her to
this secluded beach, and soon enough he kissed her and made the first moves
for them to make out.  Nikki pushed him away firmly, looking at him sharply
and making it clear she was not going to have sex with him.  Besides, she
was seeing Craig Worell and she didn't intend to cheat on her boyfriend. 
Jim got mad, standing up and throwing some curses at the wind, while his
hand brushed back his light brown hair.  Eventually he brought her home,
without saying another word or looking at her directly again.  Fortunately,
she hadn't seen him since.

Linda smiled at Nikki's story of failed seduction and looked at the breakers
that kept rolling onto the sand.  Again Nikki had to tear her eyes off
Linda's tan body.  Big Sis's breasts were like a magnet.  She didn't mean to
stare like a sex-starved boy but every time she looked at Linda's body the
overwhelming emotions of their lovemaking washed over her like a gigantic
wave.  Those feelings wreaked havoc with her determination to respect her
sister's decision to put an end to the sexual nature of their relationship. 
She swallowed and sighed, exerting herself to keep the tears from flowing. 
If only she could find a way to make her sister understand it was OK for
them to make love, she wondered.  If they wanted to, why not? Because they
were sisters? And if she were a guy, would Linda have less qualms about
making love?

 Nikki took her turn at applying the sunblock.  The twins were just a few
feet away from her, giggling and playing with their own bottle of sunblock,
spreading the oily liquid on each other.  They avoided the other's breasts
as though it were understood that their small chests were forbidden
territory.  Seeing Zoe and Jeannie in such a playful mood, touching each
other's bodies freely, it became clear to Nikki how much she wanted Linda. 
The twins didn't have to deal with the frustration she felt.

Done with the sunblock, Nikki let the bottle drop in Linda's jute bag and
walked over to the waveline.  She rubbed her eyes, feeling the moisture with
her fingertips, and hugging herself.  She looked at the ocean and the waves
and the birds and the infrequent yachts that lazily cruised on the water. 
The water felt cold on her feet.  Nikki let the waves bury her feet under
the sand, pretending not to hear the twins' playful giggling.  They were
wrestling, Nikki guessed without looking back.  They would soon come and
dive into the sea, and wash the sand off their bodies.  After a few minutes
of high-pitched giggling and screaming, Zoe's and Jeannie's voices came
closer.  As Nikki foresaw, her younger sisters ran into the water,
disappearing under a wave and surfacing a couple of feet further away from
the beach.  Jeannie waved her to join them but Nikki turned her down.  Nikki
didn't feel like getting wet.  She looked back, taking a fleeting glance at
Linda.  Linda lay flat on her beach towel, ignoring the twins' monkeyshines.

"The water's freezing," Zoe said, making her way back to the beach,
trembling.  Without paying attention to Nikki, Zoe returned to the sand
dunes to fetch her towel and dry herself off.

Jeannie stayed in the water a little while longer.  Then she swam to the
beach, got to her feet, and walked over toward Nikki.  All of a sudden,
Jeannie kicked in the water, splashing her sister silly, causing Nikki to
withdraw to a safer, drier spot on the sand.  Her sense of relief didn't
last long as a pair of strong hands took hold of her arms, pushing her
toward Jeannie.  "Linda!" Nikki cried out with surprise in her eyes.

"Yes, that's me," Linda laughed.  "I'm joining the fun, Sis."

Before Nikki could say a thing, another spatter of sea water was kicked at
her by Jeannie, who was laughing as boisterously as Linda.  Reacting as fast
as she could, Nikki ducked and wriggled herself free from Linda's firm
clasp, and dived into the water.  "Hey, that's not fair," Nikki complained,
swimming away from her sisters.  "I'm always alone against all of you."

"That's what lazybones get sooner or later," Jeannie cracked.

"I'm not lazy."

"Of course, you aren't," Jeannie said, savoring the irony with her lips.

Linda and Jeannie sat down on the sand, the water caressing their feet. 
They were still grinning at each other and then at Nikki.  Nikki joined
them, settling down beside Big Sis and keeping her eyes open, watchful for
any sign of Linda or Jeannie wanting another bout of wrestling.  No words
were exchanged.  The three of them just listened to the sounds of the sea
and the birds hovering overhead.  Nikki wondered if Jeannie's horseplay was
a kind of conciliatory gesture, an attempt to prevent further distrust and
friction between them.  Unlike Zoe, Jeannie was not a rancorous girl. 
Jeannie could fly into a rage but she was usually the one to raise the white
flag first.  Then Nikki's eyes fell on Big Sis, to examine her absent look
with her green eyes lost in the distance.  Nikki wanted to ask Big Sis what
she was thinking about, but Jeannie's presence dissuaded her from such a
dangerous line of questioning.

In spite of Nikki's silence, it seemed as though Linda had noticed Nikki's
staring.  Linda stood up and brushed the sand off her bikini bottom., "I'd
better go," she said, "or Zoe might think we don't like to be around her any
more."

"She could've joined us," Nikki retorted.

"Yes, Nikki, she could've.  But Zoe's still pissed off and you know that."

Nikki shrugged as her big sister left.  She didn't want to think about the
reasons for Linda's bluntness and Zoe's reticence.  The sexual ghost still
hovered above their heads, just like a seagull searching for the right
moment to dive and catch its prey.  Nikki couldn't accept that sex had
ruined everything between Big Sis and herself.  That simply couldn't be
true.

"Nikki?"

"Yes?" Nikki replied, brushing her hair away from her face and looking at
her youngest sister.

"Don't be sad," Jeannie said, sliding closer and resting her hand on
Nikki's. "Zoe and I, we talked last night...  I guess...  we overreacted.  I
mean, it's not every day that...  You know what I mean."

Nikki took a good look at Jeannie, observing her face and appraising the
sincerity of her sister's words.  "You mean you're not angry with Linda any
more?"

"I figured, what's the use.  I..." Jeannie looked away, her mouth half
open.  She just interrupted herself as if unable to put her feelings into
words.  Then she added, "I still don't know...  what's going on.  It's--"

"--so overwhelming," Nikki helped.

"Yes," Jeannie nodded, taking a deep breath.  She smiled a little smile and
went on, "Linda is...  so..."

"...overwhelming," Nikki helped Jeannie once again.

They both laughed, looking at each other.  Nikki put her other hand on
Jeannie's hand, feeling deeply connected with her youngest sister.  Nikki
could see that Jeannie understood her because she felt the same about
Linda.  And that was amazing, so unreal and unbelievable. But who wouldn't
fall in love with Linda? Who?

"And Zoe ? I think she's still mad at us."

Jeannie licked her dry lips, removing her hand from Nikki's and encircling
her legs.  "You know how Zoe is.  I'm working on her, though"

"You think she's gonna tell?"

Jeannie shrugged, rising to her feet.  "I think we should go.  I think
Linda's calling us."

Nikki stood up and followed Jeannie silently, her hands sweeping the sand
away and adjusting her bikini bottom.  She chose to forget that depressing
subject altogether.  It was a downer, definitely, and the last thing she
wanted was to feel sad.  She was young, damn it, and she wanted to have FUN!


* * *


Three crazy days went by.  Linda was drinking too much too fast and to such
an extent that Jeannie wondered whether they would get arrested for breach
of public order and carrying fake ID's.  On top of everything else, Linda
was flirting with Mr.  Cool totally uninhibitedly, as she never did before. 
What was she trying to prove? That she was not a lesbian? On Friday night
Linda told Jeannie she was sick of the resort and was thinking about leaving
the beach house and going back home.  Linda missed Rick and wanted to be
with him.

The next morning, despite the sunny and pleasant weather, the girls returned
to L.A..  Jeannie felt some relief, as if Linda's decision was the first
step for a healthier attitude toward life.  However, Jeannie's optimism was
soon put to the test.  She sensed something was wrong with Big Sis.  The
slightest provocation was enough for Linda to lash out in a fury.  Her
remarks became blunter, and often downright cruel.  Linda would apologize,
but often too late to prevent retaliation from Nikki or Zoe.  All this
tension had almost reached breaking point when Linda stayed out all night,
returning home completely drunk.  Dad grounded her for a fortnight and
forbade her to see Rick ever again.  As always Rick took the blame for
Linda's rebelliousness, Jeannie thought, sighing.

Zoe gloated over this state of affairs, Jeannie recalled, as if Linda's
house arrest made them even.  Jeannie thought her twin's reaction mean and
insensitive and as a result they didn't speak to each other for days.  Zoe
spent most of her free time with Joey Hernandez, a guy in her class she was
seeing quite regularly.  In turn, Jeannie would go out with Janey Manson
(not related to Chad Manson) and Brittany McGuire, two girls she had met at
the tryouts for the cheerleader squad.  In spite of Brittany's failure to
make the squad, the three of them became good friends.  Fortunately, it
didn't take long for Brittany to find out her new love -- to draw funnies
for the school's newsletter.

Zoe tried one day to bury the hatchet.  Jeannie was getting ready for bed
when she heard Zoe enter the bedroom they shared.  Their bedroom in L.A.
resembled their sleeping quarters at the beach house, except it was roomier
and more sober-looking.  Instead of the posters and pennants, there were
"boring" oil paintings that Mom had chosen for them.  As at the beach house,
their bedroom had its private bathroom with its door opening into a small
hallway, which in turn connected their bedroom to the main hall upstairs. 
Because of this layout, Jeannie hadn't seen Zoe breeze into the bathroom;
though she could hear someone brushing their teeth, and the water running in
the washbowl.  When the noises stopped, Jeannie pulled up the covers and
shut her eyes.  She heard light footsteps approaching and heading for her
sister's side of the room.  Then she heard the rustling of someone getting
undressed.  At this point, there was a long pause.  Jeannie waited for the
familiar sound of Zoe slipping into her pajamas but no such thing happened
-- only silence.  She waited a while longer until her curiosity got the
better of her.  Jeannie opened her eyes and turned to see her sister sitting
on the edge of her bed, her head low, and her long tresses hiding most of
her naked body.  Zoe was scratching her knee when she looked up and met
Jeannie's stare.

"What's up?"

Zoe shrugged, twisting her mouth slightly.  She looked away for a moment and
then faced her twin again, her teeth gnawing at her lips.  There was a deep
sigh and another pause.  When Jeannie was about to speak, Zoe said, "You're
right...  about Linda.  I had no right to say what I said."

"Do you mean that?" "Yeah...  I do.  I just...  want us to make up.  I can't
stand this any more.  It seems that everybody went crazy in this house."

"That's true," Jeannie agreed, making it her turn to look away, sighing, her
eyes staring blankly at the window.  She scratched her head and her hand
swept a thin strand of hair over her ear.

"You still think about...  don't you?"

Jeannie blinked as if she hadn't understood what her sister meant.  She was
about to deny it when her head nodded.  "I can't help it.  I really can't
help it." And as unexpectedly as a thief in the night, tears welled up in
her eyes.  She began to sob out loud, feeling a longing inside her she
couldn't quite understand.  Her heart ached and her body shook as if from
cold.  Jeannie sniffled, her breathing slightly heavier than normal.  As she
wiped her eyes dry, Zoe settled down next to her.  "How'd you know?"

"I see how you look at Linda.  You should be more careful. Other people
might guess it, too."

Utter fear hit Jeannie in the face, gasping for breath.  "What do you mean?
I'm not that obvious...  I mean...  If you hadn't brought it up I
wouldn't--"

"Next time just pay attention to how Nikki stares at Linda when no one is
looking.  You do the same, Jeannie.  I think sometimes Nikki and you don't
even notice it...  but I do.  It's seems as though everybody is in love with
her in this goddamn house."

"Stop blaming her, Zoe.  Nothing happened against our will."

"But she should know better.  She's older than you two.  She should act her
age.  She's always tried to be in control, as if she was our mother.  But
she isn't, Jeannie.  She isn't."

"I know that," Jeannie replied, letting her irritation show.  "I'm sorry. 
I'm really tired and I wanna get some sleep."

"OK," Zoe said, retreating to her own bed.  "Just think about it." As night
darkened their room, Jeannie's pupils widened, her eyes adapting to the
weakening light outside.  She couldn't sleep.  Her sister's words were
hammering away in her head.  She kept asking herself whether Zoe could be
right.  Was her fascination for Linda that obvious?  No, that couldn't be
true.  Mom and Dad would've noticed otherwise.  Or maybe not.  Mom and Dad
appeared to live in another world, dealing with them on a different
wavelength.

Jeannie began entering into a dream world that drew her away into strange
landscapes bathed in moonlight and soft voices.  A female hand touched her
and she trembled.  There were screams followed by a long pause.  A baby
cried and then laughed...  After that, only silence.