Date: Thu, 25 Mar 2004 00:40:52 +0000
From: Jan Vincent <jan123@hotmail.com>
Subject: Unexplainable Longing - Chapter 6

Hi People

Here is chapter 6 of the ongoing saga featuring the McDougall and the
Southerby sisters. This chapter is called Parents Talk, Kids Listen? This is
a little shorter, more thouhtful chapter. The end of it was a little
emotional to me.

As always, you can read chapters 1-5 of this story and other stories by me
at:

http://www.sistersinlove.org

Comments are always welcome:
jan123@hotmail.com



Chapter 6

Parents talk, kids listen?


Jane Southerby was in her room feeling mildly bored and lonely. Neither her
sister Kate or her mother Cathy were home; only her father, Michael
Southerby, was in his study, working on a project he had struggled with for
the last couple of weeks. She heard booming sounds from the den downstairs,
so it meant Father was taking his usual break from work to watch TV. He said
he got his inspiration by watching random images the little box she hated so
much spewed forth. She thought about going downstairs and talk to him; at
least it would be a way out of her boredom. She had called Nicky, but he
wasn't home. She called some of her other friends, but none of them were in
L.A.. Rebecca Levi had flown to Israel for sightseeing and meet some
relatives, whereas Sandra Barresi, a schoolmate she'd known since fourth
grade, was grounded by her parents. Sandra, against parental "advice," had
kept dating an African American guy she had met at school. Sandra had joked
about living her own version of *Jungle Fever*, a film they had watched
together a couple of times since Sandra had started seeing Lorenzo Malcolm
Slade.

"Look, he's got even a Latin name, Lorenzo," Sandra had said with a
sarcastic smile. "And he's so damned cute."

His cuteness did not move her parents, though. When they learned that
Lorenzo had a skin darker than they had anticipated her father warned her,
"Get rid of him, or I'll teach you some manners!"

Jane shook her head, closing her eyes, and sighing. She looked at the wall
and her eyes fell upon a poster of Avril Lavigne, singing, with one arm
raised and the other brandishing a cordless microphone. Her pulse
accelerated, her thoughts being swerved to Sam Neville. Sam still came to
her house to study math and the girl she secretly worshipped had made some
progress, but because Sam hated the subject so much she didn't practice
enough on her own. Basically, the only time she did some serious studying
was under Jane's guidance. There were a few times Jane's eyes had watched
Sam's body more closely and her observant stare had been caught. Jane would
quickly look away, as if the math textbooks were really what piqued her
interest, but still... she wasn't sure if Sam was unaware of what those
looks really meant.

It sucked to be a lesbian teen in the closet, even in a city like L.A..
People used to think that people in Los Angeles were so open-minded, but
there were families like the Barresi who proved that was not the case for a
quite number of people in their upper middle class neighborhood. Probably it
would be much worse if they still lived in Connecticut, in that little town
where her father's folks resided. The Southerbys were a respectable family
with British ancestry, who cultivated what was proper and decent. Jane knew
her father had rebelled, but she didn't know the exact details of that part
of her familial history.

Jane's mind returned to L.A.. She was particularly afraid of how Sam would
react if she told her she was gay. The last thing Jane wanted was to lose
Sam as a friend. Sam made her feel alive, like she was worth something. Sam
Neville was the epitome of female coolness. Not only Sam looked like Avril
Lavigne, but also she had the same don't-fuck-with-me attitude. She was sure
there were many people who hated the singer, like there were many people who
hated Sam... But not being universally liked made them look sexier to Jane,
as if both girls stood their ground and refused to be swerved aside by
people who didn't really know them.

Jane noticed she was becoming slightly irritated with the subject, her hands
balled up into fists as though she took the whole thing personally. Jane
sighed again and got up on her feet, burying her hands on each back pocket
of her close-fitting Levi's. She looked out of the window of her room and
saw an empty pool, then raised her eyes into the sky, observing the slight
smog hovering upon the city. She sighed again, wishing she could be with Sam
and tell her... about everything. She couldn't, though. Sam had gone out
with her boyfriend, and apparently for another day of passionate sex. Sam
and her boyfriend had sex for the first time a week before. Jane and Sam
were discussing the side effects of taking the pill when Sam blurted it all
out. Jane listened to her friend as if transfixed, catching her breath for a
long moment before she exhaled, breathing in rapidly.

Without being asked Sam continued, describing her first time with Nate
Philips, the guy she was with. "He was good," she said. "I didn't expect it.
It was... exhilarating. It makes you feel... whole, you know, like you
belong to somebody and someone else belongs to you."

'I wish I could say the same,' Jane had wanted to say, but she kept quiet.
Somehow she felt that if she said it out loud she was betraying Kate. Kate
had made her feel somewhat like that, but Jane still felt that something was
lacking. She didn't know what exactly, but the explanation for that strange,
evasive feeling was not far away.

Jane moved away from the window, as she became aware that she was becoming
depressed by the loneliness of her room. She opened the door and without
much conviction she descended the stairs. Her father was still watching TV,
judging by the noise that kept reverberating from the den and onto the main
hall. Jane hesitated, but finally she half-traipsed in the den, leaning on
the doorjamb, looking absentmindedly at the flashing images on the TV
screen. It took a few minutes before her father realized she was in the den,
watching so halfheartedly what he had chosen as entertainment or source of
inspiration.

"Hello, Cutie. Come here and sit with me."

"Since when I am a 'cutie' to you?" asked Jane, pushing herself away from
the door by a movement of her torso, while her hands hung from the belt
loops of her jeans, the thumbs working as careless hooks.

"Since always."

"Why are you getting so gooey on me so suddenly?" Jane sat down on an
armchair, just a couple of feet away from Mike Southerby's couch.

"Gooey? Is that what you kids use these days? Am I getting gooey with you?"

"Please, Dad, don't make it sound like that's so frigging extraordinary. You
can be so square sometimes."

"Oh, pardon me, young lady, I didn't intend to offend you, even if you
started swearing in front of your father. That's a first."

Jane rolled her eyes and sighed deeply, changing position in her chair. She
made a motion as though she was going to get up, but she just crossed her
legs, one of her hands checking the pony tail she had made with one of
Kate's elastics. Jane looked sideways to her father and saw that his affable
mood had soured somewhat. She wanted to say something to keep things
bearable but no benign words occurred to her.

"Jane?" Mike said after some minutes of mindless TV watching.

"Yeah?"

"Where's Kate?"

"Dunno. I guess she went out with Len."

"The marine guy?"

"Yeah."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you seeing someone?"

"No."

It was Mike's turn to sigh. Jane noticed her father's irritation was
growing. He became fidgety every time someone got on his nerves, that much
she was able to recognize. "I'm going back to work," he said. "Fed up with
this."

Jane wanted to say something conciliatory but again her mind failed her.
With a hazy feeling of guilt mixed with her depressive state of mind, she
bit her lower lip.

As her father was about to abandon the den, he turned and said something
that made her breathless: "Jane, your mother and I need to talk to you...
when Kate comes home. We've been meaning to talk to you guys much sooner,
but your mother kept postponing it."

It took a few seconds before Jane could calm down enough to breathe in and
ask, "What about?"

"We'll discuss it later, with your mother and your sister."

"What about?" insisted Jane, raising her voice to some extent.

"Later." He sounded definitive and in no mood for further arguing.

Jane, who had straighten herself up on the chair, let herself lean back on
it, red alarm hitting her pulsing temples in her head. 'Damn, I can't
believe this, I can't BELIEVE THIS!' she thought. 'She must've told them.
I'll kill her if she did.' But then she recalled the vehement way her sister
had said she was never going to tell their parents unless they agreed on it,
and usually Kate kept her promises, at least since they had started... Her
train of thought screeched down to a standstill. No, NO, NO, NOOOOO...

Jane went to the poolside, almost in despair, then realized she could call
her sister. She was sure Kate had taken her mobile phone with her. She ran
upstairs to fetch her own mobile and call her where her father couldn't
overhear their conversation. With nervous, quick key presses, Jane found
Kate's number and hit the call key. Jane paced her room, waiting for her
sister to answer the phone.

"Come on, come on, Kate. Come on! Pick it up."

Still, the phone didn't seem to take pity on her. The calling tone kept
beeping dutifully, and to Jane's distress her sister didn't answer her two
attempts at reaching her.

"I don't believe this!" she screamed to her phone, as though that electronic
device was the main cause of her anxiety, which left her almost without
breath. "I don't fucking believe this!" she said, pulling the elastic from
her hair with violence and throwing her cell phone down onto her bed. When
she saw she had pulled some hairs along with the elastic, her hands began to
tremble. Slowly she left herself fall on her knees in her room, and began to
breathe in and out deeply, making an all-out effort to calm herself down,
while her heart throbbed on madly. Again the words of her biology teacher
came to mind, "Lactic acid accumulates in your lungs and muscles when you
exercise. Lactic acid must be metabolized by your body..." Lactic acid was
what was accumulating in her lungs, she thought, even though she was not
exercising her body, at least not in the way her teacher meant.

Suddenly, her cell phone rang and as fast as a bullet fired by a rifle she
dove down on her bed and answered the call.

"Kate, thank God, it's you."

"Yeah, it's me. I saw you called me twice. What happened?"

"Can you talk?"

"No, not really. Why?"

"I think Dad knows."

"Knows what?"

"About..."

"About what, Janey?"

"You know..."

There was a period of silence between them. Jane bit her nails as she waited
for her sister's reaction.

"That's not possible," said Kate with a seemingly calm tone of voice, the
background noise decreasing as though her sister was moving from the place
she had answered the phone in the first place to a more peaceful
environment. "Tell me why you think he knows."



* * *



Sam Neville was bored, bored with her own life and with herself. She had a
great boyfriend, Nate Philips, a handsome, tall, outgoing guy, who told her
how much he loved her, how much of an amazing girl she was. And to top all
that, he was good in bed, both attentive and passionate, his dexterity
explained by a long trail of past loves: casual and not so casual ones. In
summary, he was everything a girl could wish for. Sometimes she had the
suspicion he was not exactly faithful to her, but a real commitment had
never been discussed with words. Although they had been seeing each other
for almost a year, they had never declared they had gone steady. On one
hand, that was good: she hated talking about it, as if declaring Nate 'her
boyfriend' gave him the right to say she was his. On the other hand, it was
a little scary, as she was not sure he was really in love with her, and not
saying it out loud made them drift apart for no good reason.

Sam shook her head as she looked at her own image in the mirror of Nate's
bathroom. Many people teased her about her striking resemblance to Avril
Lavigne, and more so now that she dyed her hair dark blonde.

At first she found that comparison unbearably annoying. She didn't care for
Avril or any of her songs. She actually thought that Avril was another
poser, another marketing stunt by a greedy recording label. The more people
teased her about it the more irritated she got. She even began to hate Avril
and everything she represented. These negative feelings toward the teenage
singer grew relentlessly until one day she saw Avril playing life on TV. It
was another hot summer day and she was supposedly studying in her room. She
had tried a few times to solve an equation and she was stuck. Her small TV
set was on, as always. When the VJ announced that an Avril Lavigne's special
was next her first reaction was to change channels. She looked for the
remote but could not find it. She shrugged and tried to concentrate on the
textbook, while her hands weaved thin braids on her reddish straight hair.
Unwittingly her feet and body started to move to the rhythm of one of
Avril's songs. Once she realized it she made herself stop.

"Damn, what's wrong with me?"

After a couple of songs interspersed with some interview excerpts with
Avril, Sam's attention was caught. She began to think the unthinkable. Sam
*actually* liked that girl, her attitude, and most of all Avril didn't seem
to be that contrived. Avril actually seemed to have some control over what
was happening to her, although Sam could see that Avril, under that layer of
kick-ass, no-nonsense self-assuredness, was kind of insecure. And that
hidden insecurity made her relate.

Sam's dislike for Avril was replaced by mild interest followed by growing
admiration for the Canadian girl. Since that TV special any remarks about
her resemblance to Avril had been met with indifference if not concealed
enjoyment. And to freak out people even more she dyed her hair dark blonde.
She knew people would talk, they would call her an Avril Lavigne's wannabe,
but she was past caring. She would shrug it off, vaguely amused by the
hysterical reactions of some of her school buddies - not to mention her
stunned boyfriend's reaction - to her makeover. And the more attention she
got the more she was willing to become a wannabe, adjusting her wardrobe in
accordance. It all felt like an inside joke that only she was privy to.

When she found out that Jane Southerby was also an Avril's fan she was
half-surprised. Jane was a reasonably popular girl, and she would have been
so much more popular if she weren't this self-effacing, humble, good kid. It
seemed as though Jane didn't like the attention, whereas Sam - she admitted
to herself - was an attention whore. Sam could not get enough of being the
center stage of the parties; she would always make sure that people, boys,
would notice her. Sometimes she felt she was too obvious, but then again she
wouldn't care.

Lately, however, she had noticed Jane's lingering look on her body. She had
caught that tall, blonde, blue-eyed beauty's stare but Jane was quick to
smile at her in an innocent way. Sam was flattered by that stealthy looking,
and slightly intrigued too. Was Jane gay? Bisexual? After all Jane was
single and didn't have a boyfriend, not an official one at least. There was
this geeky guy always next to her - Sam couldn't recall his name - but Jane
had denied repeatedly he was her boyfriend.

Sam returned to the living room and plumped herself down on the couch, her
eyes studying where she was - Nate's apartment. She looked over to him, who
was talking to a friend of his, another guy she couldn't recall the name of.
Bored, she started playing with her cell phone keys. Then the idea of
calling Jane began to mature in her head. She fought it at first, because
there was no real good reason for calling her friend, but her boredom swayed
her at last. Making a bound to stand up she went to the balcony and called
Jane's number. She waited and waited until Jane answered with a nervous,
"Hi, Sam."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm... okay."

"You don't sound like it."

"Yeah, I'm okay... I've had just this... nasty... talk with my parents, and
I am kinda..."

"Nervous?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna talk?"

"No, I'm okay. I mean, if you want... I mean... talk... of course."

And they talked about everything and nothing in particular. In spite of the
small talk, Sam began to relax herself, enjoying Jane's giggles, the high
pitch of her voice, the half-spoken banter, and the dwindling shyness from
the other end of the line. Their intimacy was growing, slowly but steadily.
When their conversation ended, Sam remained seated in the armchair of her
boyfriend's apartment, taking in the maleness of the posters on the naked
walls, the shabby furniture, the grubby shirt that needed a good washing
abandoned on the sofa.

That night, when she made love to her boyfriend she had a sudden wish for
hot chocolate, Jane's favorite drink, even if the weather was warm and
muggy. Sam didn't know why she thought of that. It seemed incoherent,
random, meaningless. When the orgasm came she shut her eyes, sensing the
throbbing penis inside her.

He was a good lover...

Yes, he was... but somehow... that was not enough, not enough at all.



* * *



Nikki McDougall was in her room, hitting the computer keyboard deftly. She
was chatting with CrazyBlonde17, a girl she had met on a chat room. Their
mutual awkwardness had turned into a sort of virtual friendship. They had
disclosed their ultimate secret, how hard it was to have a relationship with
one's sister, how easy it was to be loved by one. They had finally crossed
the last frontier of mutual trust: they exchanged each other's pictures,
becoming amazed at each other's good looks; then came the phone numbers.
Again, the same awkwardness crept up when they listened to their own
nervousness spoken out loud. The flow of words gained intensity when
CrazyBlonde17 told Nikki her real name: Jane, Jane Southerby, calling from
L.A., only a few miles away from the place where they used to live.

Small world. Small world, indeed, Nikki mused as she kept chatting with
CrazyBlonde17.

The chat's topic was about a family meeting that had turned into a nasty
altercation between Jane and her father. He had found out about Jane's
sexual involvement with her younger sister Kate. He only calmed down when
Kate screamed at him, telling him how unfair he was. They were his
daughters, the very same daughters he had always known. Nothing had changed,
nothing. So, why would that be different now that he knew what happened in
the privacy of their rooms? "We're not hurting anyone," she told him. "I
want it, and she wants it too... Dad, please don't make a scene about this.
Please!"

Nikki, enthralled by Jane's story, asked for further details, trying to
remove herself from haunting memories of similar events she had experienced
a couple of years before. And what about Jane's mother? How did she react?
Two questions she typed with trembling hands.

"My mother... She didn't say much... Kate and I and Dad thought it weird,
but she refused to talk about it. She left the meeting without making any
judgment. She said she needed to think about it. My mother used to be a
social worker. I know she handled a few incest cases, but... she never
talked about it with us."

Nikki bid goodbye to Jane and logged off. She had heard her parents
returning from work in their brand-new metallic gray Mercedes-Benz, a
soft-top $50,000 cabriolet that had replaced their aging Buick. Like Linda
had told her, money was again flowing in and that showed in the way her
parents started spending it. Somehow she felt Mom was becoming a futile,
vain, disparaging woman once more. Hadn't she learned anything from the
past?

Nikki climbed down the stairs to meet them. Her father kissed her on the
cheek, saying hello to her, while her mother went past her as she asked
about her day.

"Nothing much," Nikki replied.

"Where is Linda?" asked Fred McDougall, letting out a sigh of tiredness.

"Working."

"And the twins?"

"Probably on the beach with their boyfriends."

"Boyfriends?"

"Yeah, boyfriends."

Nikki turned away and went out to the backyard. The end of the day was
sunny, the lawn was still wet under her feet. The automatic sprinklers had
just finished their job, the small drops of water reflecting the light as if
they were lost jewels adorning the grass leaves. After a while she felt a
presence behind her. Without turning to see who it was she knew it was her
father.

"Nikki."

"Nicole," she said, facing him.

"What?" Fred looked puzzled, walking toward her in his customary knee-high
khaki shorts.

"Nicole, my name is Nicole, not Nikki."

"Nicole?... Okay... but you will always be my Nikki."

"I can't be your Nikki forever, Dad. I'm 19. I am an adult. You gotta accept
that."

"And why do you still behave like a child?"

"What do you mean?" Nikki frowned her brows, some unease growing in her
attractive face.

"I know what you and your sister were doing the other night when she
screamed and said it was nothing."

"So?" said Nikki, putting her hands on her hips, being as defiant as her
older sister.

"Are you going to go on like that, after all the talking, all the counseling
you got and *I* paid for?"

"Yes, we will."

"WHY?"

In spite of the increasing ill temper of her father she did not vacillate.
"Because I want to. And so does Linda. Why shouldn't we?"

"Because it's illegal, young lady. You can go to prison for it."

"I am not so sure of that."

"Why not?"

"I have my reasons."

"And those are..."

"Dad, whatever you gonna say is not gonna change my mind. Linda is the one I
want to be with all my life. She's the best. Can't you see? She is... I
can't explain. I feel what I feel and I don't have words for it. When I am
with her I feel safe, Dad. She knows what I want and I know what she wants.
I wish all the relationships in the world were this magical. I know you
can't understand this... this enormous sense of belonging... I have dated a
couple of guys, Dad, but none of them has ever made me feel like Linda does.
Why is it so difficult to understand? Why?"

Fred sighed, this time deeply, looking away. He reached for his unlit pipe
and sighed again. "Sorry, Nik... Nicole. I can't understand that. I wish I
could, but I can't." Shaking his head he disappeared from view through the
backyard door.

There was a split second during which she thought she was going to cry, but
she was able to control herself. She had a sudden urge to go see Linda,
because she missed her so much at that very moment. Without thinking about
the consequences and the fact that Linda could get mad at her, she hurried
to the garage and fetched her bike.

Fast as she could she sped down empty streets and lawns. It was getting dark
but the need to be with Linda was overwhelming. She needed her so much, as
if Linda had become an organic necessity to nourish her body; without it she
would wither and die.

When she reached the beach she pedaled even faster. From afar she spotted
Linda serving drinks to some tourists. Her heart began to beat faster, and
doubts about the impromptu visit at Linda's workplace began to arise. She
reduced the speed until her bike came to a halt. Suddenly a car beeped and
an angry man told her off. What was she doing there in the middle of the
street? "Stupid cunt," he called her. Without facing him she pulled over and
let the angry man pass with his old, rusty Ford Mustang.

"That's it, I'm gonna go back," she said to herself. She looked at her own
hands. They were shaking uncontrollably, even though the angry driver was
gone. But then she saw her sister waving at her. Linda beckoned her to come
over. A sense of relief shot through her body and she did as she was told.

When Nikki was just 10 feet away Linda said, "What are you doing here?"

Nikki could see her older sister's preoccupation. She closed her eyes before
she could reply. "Don't get mad at me. I just needed to see you."

"Mad at you? I am not mad at you. I just want to know why you're here."

Nikki stopped her bike right in front of her sister, who looked so amazingly
sexy in her working outfit: a bikini hidden under a filmy bikini wrap. Her
long blonde air was combed in a way that looked casual, which was set off by
her golden tan.

Finally Nikki told her about the conversation with their father. At first
Linda remained silent, but then in a serious, worried voice she asked, "Are
you okay?"

"Yes," replied Nikki, nodding. "It really helps talking to you. Thanks."

"I know, sweetie. I know."

And to Nikki's surprise she saw some tears on her sister's eyes.

"Linda, are you okay?"

"Yes." Linda nodded, her voice slightly troubled. "It's just been a rough
day. My boss is really a pain, and I have the feeling we're missing so much
because of this stupid job. I wish I was there to protect you. And I love
you so much right now because of what you said to Dad."

The rush of feelings was so intense that neither of them was able to resist
the impulse of falling into each other's arms.

"Linda, I love you so much," said Nikki, shuddering from time to time, her
ear against Linda's ribcage, listening to her sister's heartbeat.

"Ssh," Linda shushed, still holding Nikki in her arms. "Don't. Don't let it
overwhelm you."

"What?" Nikki retreated away from her older sister's embrace. "What do you
mean?"

"Don't let this feeling overwhelm you. I see you're getting upset by it,
because it's so intense. I know what I am talking about, because I sometimes
feel the same way. It's so intense that I lose my breath."

"You do?"

"Yes. Nikki, I gotta go. My boss is already complaining. I don't want to
lose this job."

"Yes, go."

"You be okay?" Linda asked as she stepped back into the bar.

"Sure."

"Promise?"

Nikki only smiled, then sighed, pulling her hair away from her eyes as she
observed her sister taking care of another order from two good-looking beach
jocks. Jealousy made her return to reality. She finally noticed how dark it
had become. She noticed that her sister had looked at her once more,
mouthing an emphatic, "Go. Go home." And that simple gesture from her sister
made Nikki turn and cycle back to her parents' place. When she got there she
realized the twins were in the backyard accompanied by their boyfriends.

"Hi, Nikki," Jeannie offered. "Where have you been? Dad was crazy looking
for you."

"I biked to the beach and I'm back. It's not that late."

She noticed the guys' interested gaze upon her but she decided to ignore
them. Somehow she resented their intrusion, as if they were trespassers of
holy ground. It seemed to Nikki it was the first time the twins had brought
their boyfriends home. Her younger sisters were older and they were
following the ways of the "breeders," a word Linda's gay friends used for
straight couples. She had abhorred the word "breeders" and its slightly
derogatory meaning when she heard it for the first time, but now she thought
it fit them perfectly.

Soon enough she waved them goodbye and returned the bike to the garage.
Dodging her parents she climbed the stairs and went straight to her room,
took a shower, and only when Zoe yelled the dinner was ready she ventured to
go downstairs. When she walked in the dining room an unpleasant surprise
awaited her. Next to each twin sat the respective beau. Her bad mood grew
and her own ill will against her sisters' boyfriends was both surprising and
confusing. She wanted to scream, "What the hell are they doing here?" but
she knew she couldn't say it out loud, she didn't even had the right to.

"Nikki," said Jeannie, "I hope you don't mind Carlos sitting in your place."

"My name is not Nikki. My name is Nicole."

She saw her mother's and her sisters' surprise and her father's apparent
indifference. He had gone through that forceful statement before, and
instead of joining the rest of the family in their questioning look he
helped himself to the salad and the lamb ribs.

"Since when?" asked Zoe eventually.

"Since now."

"Why?"

"Because I say so."

"You're angry because Carlos is sitting in your place," Jeannie accused.

"Well, yes, I am. I'd like to be warned beforehand that we've got visits
over dinner."

"Nik... I mean, Nicole. Enough!" Her father looked sternly at her. "Sit next
to your mother and let's eat in peace."

Nikki's anger grew and was about to explode when she thought better of it.
She breathed in deeply to calm herself down. Only the thought of going back
to college one week earlier, as she and her sister had planned, kept her
existence at her parents' bearable. She counted down the days already. She
just couldn't wait.

After dinner, Nikki made her escape to the backyard, sitting alone in one of
the lawn chairs, watching the clouded sky. She kept thinking about Linda,
and the crave for her sister increased. She was *sisterholic*, it seemed.
And with that thought she was able to laugh, pressing her palms against each
other. "Or better," she spoke to herself. "I am lindaholic and perhaps I
should join a Lindaholics Anonymous group."

"Hi, honey. Talking to yourself?"

Startled she looked up and saw her mother next to her, smoking. "Mom."

"May I join you?"

"Of course."

"I see you were laughing at some joke," her mother said, taking a chair next
to hers.

Nikki remained silent without knowing what to say. It was rare for her
mother to express any interest in her. Usually she was too busy inside to
show any affection. It seemed as though the very real existence of the
twins' boyfriends was changing the dynamics of the house.

"Nikki..." her mother began.

"Nicole," she corrected.

"Nicole then." Her mother took a deep drag in and slowly let the smoke out
through her nostrils. "Your father has just told me..."

"Mom, I don't wanna talk about it. Please!"

"Nicole, please listen me out, because if I don't say it now I may change my
mind later."

There was a moment of silence. Mother and daughter kept that moment of
respite, listening to the sounds of the night and the passing wind that
caressed their faces and made their hair flap and flutter.

"I'm listening."

Her mother sighed, exhaling the smoke once again, then turned to her
expectant daughter. "I thought you had stopped, but I guess I was wrong.
What pains me the most is to know what is like to love a sister. As I have
told you already..."

"Yes, Mom, I know about Aunt Joan. You told me."

"Yes, but I didn't tell you everything. Even though we could not handle it,
I mean... the incest, and what my father did to me...and did to her... I
know we loved each other very much. And all this time I've been wondering...
if... the circumstance were different if... I wouldn't love Aunt Joan like
you do Linda."

"Mom," Nikki uttered lowly, almost in a whisper. She could see some tears in
her mother's eyes.

"Hear me out, honey, because this will be the last time I talk about this."

"Go on."

"So, what I mean with all this is... I am not going to fight you on this.
Not anymore. I see it's no use, and you two amaze me because..." Her mother
couldn't continue. Her voice trembled. Nikki was shocked when her mother
started to cry convulsively.

"Mom, please... Mom. Mom!"

"I am okay, honey. I am. I just needed to cry a little." She accepted her
daughter's hand and held it tight as Nikki made an effort to dry her
mother's eyes with the shaking fingers of other hand.

"We amaze you... How?"

"I envy you. I didn't want to believe it but I envy you. I just couldn't
believe how you faced down your father today. In a strange way you... All I
want to say is... if you want to stay with Linda I will support you from now
on. I'll make sure your father..."

"Mom, are you sure?"

"Yes, honey... I am."

Nikki experienced am urge to embrace her mother, seek refuge in her arms,
but she stayed put. Both women looked into the darkness, into the sky and
the shrubbery surrounding the lawn. Silence, instead, became their refuge.
Physical contact would be too overbearing, something they could not trust,
at least not between them.

(to be continued? Let me know if would like that!)