Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:23:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: AMANDA PLOGGER <love4fun4life@yahoo.com>
Subject: upside-umop-insideout-22

First and fore most this is a love story. It is a story that does contain
sexual acts between two females. If this offends you then don't read it. If
you are not 18, or whatever the age maybe where you're from, then please
don't read it. If you just don't like the idea of love between two ladies,
go somewhere else. Don't read it. The characters are not real. Any
similarities are just that.

I just want to thank everyone who has stayed with the story this far. I
would also like to thank those who have written me telling me how much they
have enjoyed it. You all are the reason I continue to write. For those who
haven't written yet. Please do so. I could always use that much more
encouragement and I love talking to new people. I have met some interesting
people along the way and hope to talk to many more.

 As always, enjoy.

  Amanda

  upside_umop_insideout


  Chapter 22

     Forgiveness

"God, this whole week has been crazy. I don't know what I was thinking. I
should have talked to you. I just have so much going through my head right
now. I don't know why I didn't even think about it." Piper could see how
desperately upset her aunt was. She reached out her hand. One day Emily
would find a way to forgive them for all that they had done. That was all
she could do... hope.


"Sarah, you're forgiven. For this." Piper quickly added. Sarah sighed and
nodded. This had taken more out of her than she had expected. It had taken
a lot out of all of them and the emotional strain was starting to
show. Sarah looked at her nephew and saw that he wasn't in any better
shape. She just hoped that Piper sighed and laid her head back. Her head
throbbed as the air plane began its decent. This had been the longest week
of her life. She looked over at her brother who slept soundly in his seat
and chuckled as he jolted awake as the wheels touched down.

"Are you ready for this?" Piper asked as the captain droned on about the
outside temperature and thanking them for flying with their airlines. The
rest Piper blocked out.

"About as ready as the rest of us." Brant said with a sigh as he patted the
child sleeping on his lap. Sarah looked over the isle at them and smiled
sadly. Rae kept their minds busy with tons of questions and the five of
them sat until the plane was almost empty.

"I don't think we can put this off very much longer." Brant said.

Sarah shook her head and looked out the window at the bustling airport.
"No, I guess we can't. Do you think she'll be here?" Sarah asked not
looking back at them.

Piper smiled. Not at the discomfort she knew her aunt was in but from the
memory that filled her mind.

"I was twelve the first time I went off 'alone.' I had always loved horses
and Lexie had finally talked mom into letting me go to this equestrian
summer camp. I couldn't have been more thrilled. But even better than all
the horses and riding and training we did... was coming home. Mom was there
will balloons and flowers, the works. I had only been gone two weeks."
Piper's smile faded as she looked over at her aunt. "I don't think we'll
get all the fanfare this time but there is no doubt in my mind she is
waiting for us."

Sarah nodded and stood up. "Are we going, Mommy?" Rae asked excitedly. "Am
I going to get to meet my aunt and my new cousin?"

Sarah smiled at her daughter's enthusiasm and wished she had some of her
own.  "Yes, baby, we are."

"Yea!!!" Rae squealed, dancing into the isle. She jumped back to her seat
and grabbed her book bag and doll. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go."  She said
grabbing her mother's hand, pulling her into the isle.

Brant smiled at his aunt as he stood. "Mother is going to take one look t
her and forget all about forgiving you. She'll be too happy to have you
back in her life."

Sarah's smile widened. "I so hope you are right." She replied as she
grabbed her bag and let her daughter pull her towards the open doors.

Brant climbed out and followed behind her. "I hope your right Brant. For
all of our sake's, I hope your right." Piper whispered.

Sarah took AJ from Brant and put him in the stroller they had waiting as
they got off the plane. It had been a long flight but Piper was glad that
they were finally home. They all walked quietly together as they made their
way to baggage claim. Piper shifted her book bag. She knew that it had
nothing to do with her being uncomfortable but she couldn't help but
try. She knew that in a matter of moments she would have to tell her mother
that she had lied to her and hoped that her mother would find it in her
heart to forgive yet another betrayal. Piper glanced over her shoulder to
Sarah. Her eyes flitted around the airport nervously. Piper grunted as she
felt her brother's elbow in her ribs.  There, at the top of the walk, was
their brother and their mothers. Brant glanced at her nervously.

"It will be fine. It has to be." She whispered.


"Piper, Brant!" Sora yelled as he ran up to them and hugged them each in
turn.


Piper could see Lexie looking behind her. She hadn't mentioned to her mom
that Sarah was flying back with them, much less that she was bringing her
two kids and Alexis didn't look pleased.


"What is she doing her, Piper?" Alex asked as she hugged her.


"Please, just give her a chance." Piper whispered into Lexie's ear before
letting her go.  She watched her mom release Brant from her embrace and
turned to hug her.  "I'm so glad you're home. How was the funeral?" She
asked, holding Piper at arms length. Piper broke her mother's eye contact.
She couldn't look her in the eye and tell her that she had lied to her.


"About that..." Piper said softly and looked over her shoulder to where a
Sarah stood shifting from one foot to another while trying to hold back a
very excited little girl.  Emily looked from Sarah back to her daughter and
dropped her arms. The warmth that filled her eyes moments ago was
lost. Pain, fear, and anger took its place.

"What did you do?" Emily asked softly.

Piper began to panic. She couldn't stand the look in her mother's eyes.
"Mommy, please. Please, I had to. Give her a chance.  There is a lot to
tell.  Please." She watched as her mother turned her sad eyes towards her
sister. They all watched the emotions that played across her face.

"Mommy, mommy. Please can I go say hi? Ple-e-ase." Rae begged. Her pleas
fell on deaf ears as Sarah stood watching her sister, Emily's eyes locked
on her own. Neither of them noticing Piper stepping away to join Brant and
Alexis who stood off to the side watching and waiting.

"Please, Emily. All I ask is for a chance." Sarah said so quietly that she
almost wasn't sure that her sister had heard her over the buzz airport.

Emily's eye's looked down at the dark haired little girl and her face
softened.  "Who is this?"

Rae bounced and smiled. "My name is Rae Lee. But you can just call me Rae.
You must be Emily. Aunt Emily." The little girl corrected herself before
rambling on. "Piper has told me all about you." Sarah had let go of her
daughter and before Rae realized it she was standing right in front of
Emily.

"How old are you, Rae?" Emily asked, smiling down at here.

"I'm five, but I'll be six in a few weeks."

"More like two months." Sarah said with a smile.

"Can I have a hug Aunt Emily?" The little girl asked, turning her dark eyes
up to Emily's.

"Of course, sweetheart." Emily said, opening her arms to her. Rae surprised
Emily when she jumped into her arms.

Emily couldn't help but fall for the little girl who melted into her. She
reminded her so much of Piper at that age. She looked at her sister who
smiled softly at her. She didn't know what to think or to feel. For all she
knew her daughter and son had went to a funeral. Now, here they all stood,
Piper looking sheepishly guilty, Brant avoiding any and all eye contact,
Alexis looking none too happy, and her sister. Sarah had aged a lot since
she had last seen her, granted many years had passed since then. She looked
tired and sad, very sad. Emily stared at the as she held her sister's baby
in her arms and wondered what had happened in those years she'd been
gone. Why didn't she say good bye. Why didn't she ever call? There were so
many questions and too few answers. But she missed her sister,
desperately. She put Rae down and took a tentative step towards
Sarah. Sarah stepped from behind the stroller and waited.

Emily took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and closed the gap between
her and her sister. The look of pure happiness that filled Sarah's face as
she pulled her into her arms was enough for Emily to know that she had made
the right decision.

"It's been a long time." Emily said as she hugged her sister to her.

"There is so much I have to tell you, Em. I am so sorry. So, so, so sorry."

"Shh, there will be time for that later. Let me enjoy having my sister with
me for a minute." Emily said, not wanting to let her sister go.

Alexis watched on hugging Sora to her. "Brant, can you take your brother to
the bathroom?" Alexis asked, her eyes not leaving the two women in front of
her. Both Sora and Brant realized it wasn't a request and walked off
together silently.


"You could have told me she was coming." Alexis said harshly, her voice
only loud enough for the two of them to hear.

"You would have told me not to bring her."

"Damn right, I would have." Alexis said a little louder than she meant
to. Thankfully her partner was too busy having her own conversation to
notice.

"There are things that need to come from her. I could have told you and mom
everything, but it would have been meaningless coming from me. It needed to
come from her." Piper nodded her head in Sarah's direction. "I'm sorry if
you are mad at me or feel that I... I don't know... betrayed you. But look
at her. Look. Mom needed this. And whither you think so or not, so do you."
Piper's words filled her ears.

Emily looked up at Alexis and smiled. Alexis could see the questions that
filled her lover's eyes but above that she saw the happiness at the final
reunion and relented.


"I'm going to get our bags. Go say hi." Piper said as she turned and walked
to the carousel. She missed one of their bags that went by and cursed to
her self. It wasn't hard to find all four of their bags and both of the
kids' booster seats. They were almost the last bags there.


"How is it going?" Piper jumped before recognizing Brant's voice.

"Huh?"

Brant nodded at the three women and three kids that stood in the middle of
the airport. "I think it's going okay. There will be a lot to discuss and I
don't know if Aunt Lexie will forgive me... god that just feels so weird
saying that now. Aunt Lexie. Just feels all wrong."

Brant nodded. "Sounds weird, too. So what do we call her now?"  Piper
shrugged and handed off two of the suit cases. "I guess that's just one
more thing to add to the list."

"The list of unknown."

The night had been strained but still pleasant. Sora was glad to have
someone to play with, even if they were younger than him. He kept AJ and
Rae entertained while Alexis, Emily, and Sarah shared stories with Brant
and Piper.

"Go call her." Emily said with a chuckle as she watched her daughter check
the clock on the mantle for the fourth time in twenty minutes.

"Huh? What?" Piper asked, not hearing her mom.

"She's cute." Sarah said with a laugh.

Piper looked at the three sets of eyes that now stared at her.  "What?!?"
She asked. She could have swore by the way they were looking at her she had
something hanging out of her nose and she unconsciously rubbed at it.

"Go call her." Sarah repeated the same words her sister had said. She
smiled as she saw the color rise in Piper's cheeks. "For as much as you
look like Alexis, you sure do blush like your mom." Sarah's comment only
made Piper's face grow even redder.

"Pipe, why don't you call Rachel and invite her over for supper. For one: I
would like to meet the girl who has stolen you heart. And for two: from
what your brother told me on the way home today, she had just as much as a
hand in this as you did."

Piper looked up at her brother in horror. Why did he have to tell her that?
"Please, don't hate her for this. This was my doing. She only helped
because I asked her to."

Emily smiled softly. "Piper, it's okay.  I know that we have a lot to talk
about and no, I haven't forgiven Sarah yet. But if it wasn't for your
meddling, and Rachel's and Brant's help, I wouldn't have my sister back in
my life. I am disappointed that you felt you had to lie to me but I
guess... I can see why you did. Now get. Go call her before you explode."
Before she finished her sentence, Piper had jumped from her seat and thrown
her arms around her mother.

"Thank you so much for not being mad." She said quickly before bolting for
the room. Brant looked at the women that still sat in the room and the
empty doorway that his sister had briefly occupied. He was out numbered. He
was with his sister's presence but now it felt even more so.

"I think I am going to go check on the kids." Brant said, more to himself
than to his aunt and mom and Lexie.

"So Rae and AJ, huh?" Alexis asked as Brant left the room.

Sarah nodded. "I never thought that this day would come. They were little
pieces of both of you, daily reminders, not that I need them. There hasn't
been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought of all of you. That I
haven't punished myself for what I know I did to you."

Emily nodded and let the subject pass for now. "So what does AJ stand for?"
"Alexander Jordan. I couldn't call him Alex. That was what Collin always
called you, Alexis. I knew before we adopted him that he would go by AJ."

"Adopted? You didn't mention that. I just assumed..." Alexis didn't know
which was more shocking, the fact the kids were adopted or the fact that it
surprised her. "I mean he looks just like our kids."

"I know. There is a lot of resemblance. I didn't expect that. Piper noticed
it before I did. And watching Piper and Rae together, you could swear that
those two were sisters."  "I think it's even more so with Sora and AJ."
Alexis pointed out.

Emily nodded, she had noticed that too. "Sarah?" Emily asked tentatively.


Sarah turned towards hew sister. She was so used to the straight forward,
to the point girl. This woman that sat beside her found it hard to even
look Sarah in her eyes. It broke her heart to know that they had broke
Emily's spirit and she wondered what it would take to repair all the damage
her and her family had inflicted on such a wonderful soul.

"Yes?" Sarah answered softly.


"Do you see the rest of them? Dad, mom..." Emily hesitated. "Bobby?" Emily
looked up through her eyelashes at her sister, almost afraid of the answer.

"I didn't for a long time. It was after... after dad died that we all
started talking again."  Emily sat back on the couch, stunned. Her dad was
dead. "How? When? Why didn't someone let me know?"

Sarah reached out and took her sister's hand. "We tried to get a hold of
you. We did. But your numbers had changed and by the time we figured out
where you were it was too late. It's been about four years ago, shortly
after they found Bobby." Emily's eyes shot up to her sister's.

Alexis wasn't sure she wanted to hear about the asshole that had ruined
their lives. As she got up and walked to the mantle she cocked her head to
the side and thought about that. Had he really ruined their lives? Yes,
there were times that were harder than others. Emily definitely missed her
family and it would have been nice to have Sarah and Collin around to watch
their niece and nephews grow up, but they really did have a good
life. Alexis had spent years hating them. Hating all of them for what they
had done. But as she looked at the pictures that covered the mantle and
walls and almost every surface in between, the little nick-knacks their
kids had made. She knew how blessed they really were. She had Emily, her
Emily. They had THEIR kids, the kids they had raised together. Piper was in
the top of her classes and Brant spent more time away from home doing
volunteer work then he did at home, yet he always seemed to make time for
all of them. They had a thriving business and a beautiful roof over their
heads. They had friends that they could count on if they ever needed
anything.

"I don't know what happened. I don't really care."  Alexis said,
interrupting what ever Sarah had started to say. Sarah looked up at her
shocked and scared as Alexis turned to the two sisters that sat on the
couch across from her. Emily's eyes mirrored her sister's, begging her not
to say what ever she was about to. "Sarah, you and Collin and Bobby, you
all hurt us deeply. I can't complain though. Yes, we both missed you, but
we are happy." Alexis' voice softened as she knelt in front of Sarah and
took Sarah's hands in her own.

"I... I know that a lot has happened. And I know that there is a lot of
that we are have to talk about. We've made a good life for us here. We've
had a good life. But we've missed you. We've missed all of you.  I've
missed you. I considered you my sister. You guys are the only family I've
ever had. No matter the reasons or what has happened to get us to this
point, I am glad your back."

Sarah looked at Alexis, not knowing what to say. "I wish that there was a
way that I could make this all right. I wish that I could go back, but I
can't. I am so proud of the family that you and Emily have made.  You two
should be so proud of your children. I can only hope Collin and I can do as
well with AJ and Rae. I mean, Piper and Brant... it took a lot of courage
for them to do what they did. I know that you didn't agree with them..."

"But I am glad they did what they thought was best. If it wasn't for them,
you wouldn't be here now." Emily said softly.

********************************

"The kids are asleep." Piper said as she walked into the room. She loved
seeing them all together, laughing and having fun.

"Well," Sarah hesitated, "I guess..."

"It's time to talk." Piper said settling down into the over stuffed chair
across from Alexis. Sarah and Emily sat on the couch between them.

"Will Brant be joining us?" Sarah asked and Piper felt all three sets of
eyes turn towards her. She couldn't look any of them in the eyes. "Brant is
tired from the trip." She said looking at the oriental rug that covered the
floor beneath them.

"Piper?" Emily asked softly, bringing her daughter's eyes to her own.

Piper sighed. "Brant still isn't happy about any of this. He knows the
story and he understands, but he's just not ready... he's not ready to
forgive and forget."

"No one is asking him to forget." Alexis said.

"I know. I told him the same thing. This trip has taken a lot out of both
of us." Piper admitted, looking back at the floor. She wasn't sure if she
was ready to hear everything again either.

"Piper, I am sorry for all that you've had to go through for me." Emily
said as she leaned over and took her daughter's hand.  Piper's eyes shot up
to her mom's. "I'd do it a thousand times over, mom. Seeing your smile
again, it's worth it."

"Still..."

Piper shook her head. "I WANTED to do this. No one twisted my arm. I knew
that there was going to be a lot I didn't like, a lot of stuff I didn't
want to hear. I knew what I was getting into long before I took this."

"Well, thank you Pipe." Alexis said, bringing the argument to a close.

Sarah took a deep breath. "I don't know what to say, how to make up to you
what we did. When we first left, all my excuses sounded competent in my
ears. I realized how stupid every single one of them was talking to Piper
and Brant. Not one of them held any water." Sarah looked at the hands
folded in her lap.

"So tell us anyway. What happened? Why... why did you leave?" Emily asked
placing her hand over her sister's.

Sarah looked up at her sister helplessly. "Simply, I think it started out
with jealousy."

Emily cocked her head in curiosity. "Jealousy? What did I have to be
jealous of?"

"Her. And him." Sarah nodded towards the doorway where Brant stood with a
small smile.

Emily's face broadened into a smile. "Brant." She said joyously.

"I couldn't sleep." He said grumpily as he pushed himself off of the
doorway.

"Well, are you going to join us?" Alexis asked.  Brant scrunched up his
face.

"Sure." He said as he sat down on the rug across from his mother.

Emily turned back towards her sister. "So I am still confused to why you
were jealous."

"Kids." She said simply. "We wanted kids. It almost killed me when you had
Sora. I'm here you already had two beautiful kids and we were having
trouble having one. Then to find out you were pregnant again. I was so
happy for you but it just reminded me that no matter how hard we tried,
Collin and I couldn't get pregnant."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Alexis asked sitting forward.

Sarah shook her head. "Collin tried to get me to tell you both. Looking
back I can see how stupid it was not to but at the time, I don't know. Call
it blind stupidity. Call it pride. I should have. I'm a doctor for god's
sake. I knew I was slipping into a deep depression but I didn't want to
admit it to myself. I couldn't tell you guys. You all seemed so happy."

"Did you ever find out why you couldn't conceive?"  Emily asked her voice
full of genuine concern. Sarah sucked in a ragged breath and looked over at
Piper and nodded.

"We had some testing ran about the same time I got offered a very good
position in the Chicago area." Sarah hesitated.

"And?"

"I found out I had ovarian cancer." Sarah stopped as she heard her sister
gasp.

"How could you not have told me? You could have died and I never would have
known. Do you know what that would have done to me?!?" Emily whined at her
sister.

Sarah closed her eyes and let a tear fall down her cheek.  "I am sorry. I
am sorry I left. I am sorry that I never told you two. I am so. so sorry. I
know I can never forgive myself and I don't expect you to forgive me."
Emily squeezed her hands.

"Sarah, this has nothing to do with forgiving you. This has to do with
honesty. You were all over me about being honest with you, about lying to
you for so many years. And yet you run away and don't tell me anything. I
don't know which is worse."

Sarah brought her hands to her face. "I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know
what I was thinking."

Emily pulled her sister into her arms. "How bad was it?" She asked when
Sarah finally calmed down enough to talk.

"The cancer? Bad. There for a while I wasn't sure... I wasn't sure that I
would make it through. I've been in remission for about seven years now. I
still have to go in to get checked every six months. I...  I'm no longer a
real woman though." She said sheepishly as she pulled back from her sister.

"What do you mean?" Alexis asked.


Sarah looked over at Brant who rolled his eyes. "It's fine. I'm not
squeamish."

"I had a hysterectomy. They thought that it would reduce the chances of the
cancer coming back. That's when we decided that if it worked that we would
adopt."

"I take it, it worked." Brant's voice carried a harshness that was not lost
on anyone in the room.

"So far." Sarah confirmed. "God willing it will stay that way."

"Why? Why wait all these years? Why didn't you call? Why didn't Collin
call. I can't believe that he would go along with it. Do you know how hard
it's been?"



"These last few years have taken their toll on all of us, my stupidity hurt
everyone. There were so many times Collin wanted to pick up the phone and
call you. Then when he finally got the courage to stop listening to me and
do what should have been done, your number had changed. I know that's not
an excuse. He told me that he would support me no matter what I
decided. That's a promise that I have regretted from the moment I made him
make it. There is nothing I can say to take that back or the pain that it
caused you all."

Emily sat there, not knowing what to say. She looked over at Alexis and
then at her two oldest children. Alexis was right. They were happy.  She
had missed her sister and the rest of her family but her life really hadn't
been lacking for it. She looked at her sister and realized what the last
few years had cost her. She knew that her sister had tried to be happy but
she also saw all the pain that she had endured. Even if she wanted to, she
couldn't hate her sister. She couldn't hold a grudge. She knew that she had
ever right not to forgive her but she saw no reason not to. Now that she
thought about it, she knew that she had no reason to hate her sister.

"You're right. There is nothing that you could ever say. It's like Alexis
told you a few minutes ago. I wanted to hate you and Collin. I wanted to
look to you and relive all those nights that I fell asleep crying,
wondering what we had done wrong, wondering what we had happened to you. I
look at you and while I am happy that the two of you are back in our lives,
I realize now that we really were happy. We still are really happy. It will
take a lot of time to get things back to the way they were but I don't hate
you. I look at you and I'm sorry... but I pity you for all that you've
lost.  I don't know what else I can say to you. I forgive you."