Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:02:22 -0700 (PDT)
From: AMANDA PLOGGER <love4fun4life@yahoo.com>
Subject: upside-umop-insideout-9

Okay This story contains sexual acts between two females if this offends
you then don't read it. If you are not 18 or whatever the age maybe where
your from, don't read it. If you just don't like the idea of love between
two ladies, go somewhere else. Don't read it. The characters are not
real. Any similarities are just that.

I still have many, many chapters to go. Let me know what you think so
far. Good or bad. Thank you so much to everyone who has written me giving
me much needed encouragement to keep writing. I have made many friends
and hope to find even more. It is amazing who you meet on here. *smiles*
I love to write so check back in soon and you are sure to find more.

As always, enjoy.


Amanda




                             upside_umop_insideout



                                     Part 9


Burn


"Sarah, please go tell your mother good bye. Emily, she didn't say
anything out of line. We are taking the two of you home."

"We are?" Sarah asked looking at her husband.

"I think your sister is going to need you when everything is said and
done." He said holding onto Sarah's shoulders. She nodded and kissed
him quickly before going to search her mother out.

"Can you stand?" Collin asked turning to his dear sister-in-law. She
looked so small and fragile, like the smallest thing would make her
break. He saw the look of love and concern and complete worry that was
etched across Alexis' face as she looked up at him.

"I'm so tired." Emily said looking up at him. Her eyes seemed to have
sunk in, dark circles surrounding them. "I am so tired, Lexie."

"I know baby, I know." Alexis crooned to her, pulling her into her
arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Alexis choked back her tears. She
never expected this. She never meant for Emily to get hurt. That was the
last thing in the world she wanted.

"Are we ready?" Sarah asked walking back into the bathroom, her face
flush with anger.

"Are you okay?" Collin asked looking over at his wife.

"No, it's time to go."

Alexis didn't need to be told twice. She scooped Emily in her arms, just
as easily as she had days before. She was ready to get out of this house,
away from these people. After all Emily had told her about her family,
she never expected this. Alexis never really had the home life that Emily
had been raised with. Her parents were still married but there were times
when Alexis wondered why. They rarely saw each other, much less their
growing daughter, they worked so much. Her mother was a top scientist
researching cures for this or that, while her father worked on this case
or that as a lawyer.  There were many nights that she spent home alone,
laying in her bed just waiting to hear the front door open, to know that
they were home safe.

Emily didn't have to ever worry about that, she was never alone. She had
a mother and father that she would have sworn would do anything for their
kids; or at least that's what Alexis believed until tonight. They were
such a close family, Emily had told her so many stories. Happy little
things, funny stories, family trips, little things that both of their
parents would do for them just to let them know how much they were
loved.. She told Alexis of the times she spent with her sister and
brother, up gossiping till all hours of the night.

All these things filled Alexis's mind as she walked out of the house,
not even bothering to turn her head to acknowledge any of the people who
were still in the house watching their departure. She didn't like
leaving her car here but figured she didn't really have a choice.

"Sarah?" Emily said with her head still on Alexis's shoulder.

"What is it sis?" Alexis could hear the concern in Emily's sister's
voice.

"I appreciate you're guy's offer but I think I just^Å I just want to
go home." Emily sounded so tired. Sarah stood in front of Alexis with
Emily's body in between them.

"Are you sure? I could drive Alexis's car and you could leave our house
whenever you want. I don't think you should be alone." Sarah said.

Emily smiled a little at that. "I'm not alone, I have my Lexie." Emily
said looking up at Alexis; the love flowing between them could be felt
just like electricity.

Sarah looked at both of them, staring at each other. "I'm sorry. To
both of you, this is going to take me some time to get used to too."
Sarah said quietly, both of them turning their attention to her. "You
guys seem made for each other. I didn't mean to say that you'd be
alone. I think^Å no, I know^Å that Alexis will do everything she can to
keep you safe. Of course you want to go home. I love you."

"I love you too, sis. More than you will ever know. Thank you^Å"
Emily's voice broke.

"You never have to thank me, I'm your sister. That's what we do; We
stand up for each other. These next few months aren't going to be easy.
I do want to talk to you more about all this, but I'll wait till you get
your strength up. I'll call and check on you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, Sarah." Emily said. "Night sis." Emily mumbled sleepily.

Alexis turned and gently laid Emily in the passenger seat, leaning it
back. She reached over and buckled her seat belt, kissing her on the
forehead. Emily mumbled again, but this time she was already asleep.

"She must have been completely worn out." Collin said as he joined his
wife by the front of Alexis's car.

"This pregnancy is already taking a lot out of her. She's been so tired
lately, I don't know what to do to help her." Alexis said with a sigh.

"Looks like you are doing just what she needs. Don't beat yourself up,
she loves you." Collin said.

"I know she does, and I love her too. God, I love her, but I hate seeing
her hurt."

"Alexis, I know I might be asking a lot, but can you tell me what
happened between you and Bobby." Sarah looked intently at her.

She knew the question was coming, but standing in front of the house that
she'd just been kicked out of, with the person who hated her enough to
cause Emily all this pain, was not where she wanted to discuss it.

"I'll tell you what, I will answer any questions you have, but right
here, right now, is not the place. Let me get her into bed and then, if
you like, you both can join me for coffee or tea at our house."

Collin smiled at her and turned his head to Sarah, still looking at
Alexis. "Did you catch that?"

"I did." Sarah said grinning.

Alexis was confused. What had she just missed? "What? Catch what?"

"The way you said that." Sarah said, still smiling.

Alexis shook her head and replayed her last comment through her head. She
didn't see anything wrong with it. Collin chuckled lightly at her
apparent confusion.

"It's nothing bad, It was just the way you said `our house' like it
had been that way forever. You said it so naturally without a second
thought." Collin finally told her.

Alexis could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. She hadn't mean to say
that but he was right, she hadn't given it a second thought. "I^Å I
meant^Å" Alexis stuttered, coming to a stop when Sarah placed her hand
on Alexis's arm.

"You meant what you said, it is your house now. Yours and Emily's.
Don't be embarrassed, it was sweet. Just shows us how much you are
devoted to her. As if this night hadn't done so already."  Alexis
smiled, thankful that they both were comfortable enough with her to tease
her so.

"Well, I think I can speak for both my wife and I when I say that I
would like to know what is going on. How about we follow you over and
while you put your love to bed, Sarah and I will make us all some
coffee."

All was agreed and they were off. Collin was nice enough to take
Alexis's keys when they arrived and let them all in while she held
Emily's sleeping body in her arms. She finally looked at peace, Alexis
swore she had even saw her smile as she laid her down and kissed her good
night. It was good to see her smile. Alexis doubted it would be a long
time before she saw her do it again.


"Is she still sleeping?" Sarah asked as Alexis made her way down the
stairs a little while later.

"She's out like a light." Alexis said heavily as she took the cup that
Collin offered her. "Thanks." She said taking a long drink. "I think
she will sleep till the morning." Alexis added.

"That's good, how do you think she will be when she wakes up?" He
asked her as she sat across from them in an over stuffed chair, both of
them sitting comfortably on the maroon couch.

"When she wakes up and remembers all that has happened tonight, I think
that she will be a huge wreck. But I'll be here^Å I'm not going
anywhere. Hell, after tonight, I doubt I even have a job to go off to."

"Really? Why's that?" Collin asked.

"She jumped over the counter as soon as I called and was out the door
before I even had a chance to tell her what was going on." Sarah
explained to Collin.

"How did you know that?" Alexis asked smiling sheepishly.

"I heard your feet make contact and you go `oomph!' and them yelling
at you." Sarah said with a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Well, you let me know if you need help finding something. I always know
someone looking for an extra hand." Collin added. Alexis nodded her
thanks.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each in their own thoughts,
sipping their hot coffee. Alexis steadied her nerves. Collin and Sarah
had been so nice to her, but she couldn't help but wonder if they would
treat her the same after they knew the whole story. They waited patiently
while she steadied her nerves.

"So^Å I guess you guys want the whole story."

"Alexis, you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. We are
not here to judge, just to understand what's going on." Collin said and
Alexis saw Sarah squeeze his hand. That gesture was enough to for Alexis
to know that Sarah felt the same way.

"Thank you for that. Where to start? 'Begin at the beginning,' the King
said, very gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'"
Alexis shook her head. "What a time to be quoting Lewis Caroll. But I
guess he said it best."

Sarah and Collin just smiled over at her, waiting patiently for her to
begin. Alexis took a cue from Emily, took a deep breath, steadied her
shoulders and began. She started at the very first time she saw Emily. Of
how she had never felt so drawn to someone. Alexis knew Emily was
married, straight, had kids. It killed her, because in the few weeks that
it had taken Alexis to get to know Emily, she began to fall for her.

They shared a few classes together that first semester. Alexis shook her
head. "I don't even know how I passed those classes with her. Actually,
I don't think I would have if it wasn't for Emily. Half of the time I
forgot that I was supposed to be paying attention to the teacher and
would drift off thinking of her. She'd nudge me back to reality and when
it came time for finals she walked me through everything that I had
missed while day dreaming. It hurt so bad knowing that I would never have
her in my life the way I so desperately needed her. So on the days that I
was always from her, I'd hit the scene. Go out drink myself into
oblivion, it hurt so much. I just needed something to fill that void. So
I would take whoever I could back to my room with me at the end of the
night. It didn't matter who, what race, what sex they where. Long as it
meant I didn't have to be alone in my bed. I hated nights when I was
alone.  I would cry myself to sleep thinking about her." Alexis stopped.
She still recalled the hurt that she felt on those nights and part of her
still worried that one day, it would return.

"What happened with you and Bobby?" Sarah asked softly, bringing Alexis
out of her dreadful thoughts.

"Bobby. I remember the first night that I met him. He was so young and
naive. It was before he even met Jackson." Alexis said his name and made
a face like she had a bad taste in her mouth. She hated him. "We had a
few mutual friends. Got along okay. He was a cool kid. Then Jackson sank
his claws in him."

"I couldn't stand that man. Met him a few times." Sarah shook her
head. Alexis could see how angry his sister still was about the
situation. Alexis felt her stomach twist into knots.

Alexis stood suddenly. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can get through
this with out something stronger than coffee." Alexis said firmly. "I
hope you don't mind."

Sarah smiled over at her. "No, actually, I think I could use a good
stiff drink right about now myself. I am sure there is some still in
Mark's old office. Why don't we go look?." Alexis looked relieved. For
one, she wasn't sure how they would take her request and for two, she
had no clue where to find alcohol in this house. She had rarely seen
Emily drink anything stronger than tea. Right now, Alexis needed
something stronger than tea, or the little bit of coffee that still sat
in her cup.

Alexis followed Sarah into Mark's office. In the month or so that she
had been living here, she had never crossed the threshold of the office
doors. For some odd reason she felt as if she was invading someone's
private space. Now that she was finally in here, it wasn't so bad. And
the fact that Sarah was with her eased her nerves a little. Alexis
wasn't sure what it was about Collin and Sarah but they both had a way
of putting her at ease and making her feel she could tell them anything.
Still, this was a big anything.

"You look awful pale. You know you don't have to do this if you don't
want to." Sarah's voice brought Alexis out of her silent reverie.

"If you both don't mind, I think I need to." Alexis heard herself say.

"Drink this."  Sarah said handing her three fingers worth of high
quality bourbon. Alexis downed it and instantly felt warmth growing from
her belly out. "That should help. Is it that bad?"

"You have no idea. I haven't even told Emily all of it." Alexis shook
her head and looked down into her empty glass. "I haven't really told
anyone."

"In that case^Å" Sarah said, taking Alexis' glass and refilled it.
"Though, I think I would take this one slower than the last. Now let's
go hear what this is all about."

Sarah kept her hand on Alexis's back and guided her to the living room.
One look to her husband and he moved across the room to where Alexis had
originally sat. "Just start whenever you're ready." Sarah said
soothingly.

Alexis nodded, staring into her glass again. "Jackson was something
else. From the moment I saw him, I knew he was trouble. I thought maybe a
little trouble was just what I needed to get my mind off of Emily.  I
knew Bobby had a thing for him^Å I didn't know at the time that Bobby
was Emily's brother^Å I didn't know until last week. I never would have
done anything to hurt someone that she loved^Å " Alexis said as she
looked up at Sarah, pleading for her to understand, her eyes filled with
unshed tears.

"I know, Alexis. You couldn't have known. Emily looks like mom and
Bobby looks just like a little version of our father. She went by her
married name at school. You shouldn't feel bad. You didn't know. There
is no way you could have known." Sarah told her, placing her hand on
Alexis's arm.

"I wish I would have, it would have saved me so much heart ache. Now, it
is hurting Emily, I never wanted that." Alexis said as she sobbed
silently.

"Tell us what happened next." Collin said quietly, soothingly from
across the room.

"I started flirting with Jackson one night when I knew Bobby was
working. We were both at Fling, the gay bar downtown. I was pretty well
drunk. Long story short, we ended up at his place. Bobby^Å Bobby walked
in. Jackson, evil shit, just looked back at Bobby and smiled. Kept right
on fuckin' me. I will never, ever forget the look on Bobby's face. He
looked right at me. I knew I had broken his heart."

"It wasn't your fault. It was Jackson." Collin said, taking up for
her.

"It was I who went looking for Jackson. I knew exactly what I was doing.
I was hurting and I wanted someone to hurt as much as I did. I didn't
know it was her brother I was hurting.  I couldn't help myself, I knew
Bobby was head over heals for him. I also knew what a player Jackson was.
I never should have done that to Bobby. I shouldn't have done that kinda
of thing to anyone. Bobby was a friend, a casual one, but still a friend.
People don't do things like that to their friends. So yes, Collin, it
was my fault. I broke his heart. I did that to him. That is why he hates
me. That and the fact that a week later I didn't want anything to do
with Jackson. I guess it would have been forgivable if I was in love with
him. If he only knew... You know what they say `What goes around comes
around' God, if I only would have known."

"You're not just talking about what has happened tonight with Emily,
are you?" Sarah asked.

Alexis shook her head. She couldn't sit still any longer. She had lost
her taste for the drink in her hand. She stood and put it on the table
and walked over to the window that sat a few feet behind Collin. She knew
they were waiting on an answer. She also knew that they would give her
the time she needed till she was ready to.

"I stuck to Jackson for a while. He treated me like his prized trophy.
Bragged to his friends how he got a hot girl and dropped that loser Bobby
all in one swoop. I felt sick to my stomach every time I heard it. I
wanted to puke or punch him or something^Å but I couldn't. I don't know
what it was about him that made me feel so powerless." Alexis took a
steadying breath. "It was a little over two weeks after that first night
that Bobby walked in. We went to this kegger at some frat house or
another. I was consuming so much alcohol at that point, I couldn't even
tell you which one. I was way past drunk when we started making out. The
next thing I knew, we were in a bed room. I tried telling him no. Just
the thought of him made me want to vomit. Every time I had sex with him I
saw Bobby's face, his eyes. His eyes^Å I told him no but he didn't
listen^Å" Alexis felt the tears run down her face. "He didn't listen.
I told him no. But he didn't listen."  Alexis felt her knees give out
and a pair of arms wrap around her just before she hit the floor.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Emily cooed as she wrapped her arms around
Alexis lowering them to the floor.

Alexis jumped at the sound of Emily's voice, sitting up quickly. "How
long have you been in here?" Alexis asked accusingly.

"Long enough." Emily said quietly, rocking her back and forth. "Why
didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say something back then?"

"I was too afraid. Too embarrassed, I couldn't let you know what I had
let him do to me. Couldn't tell you I was too drunk to stop him.
Couldn't tell you why I was drinking in the first place. I was in love
with you. I am in love with you. I didn't want you to know^Å" Alexis
sobbed as she looked over at Emily through blurred eyes.

Emily shook her head and hugged her tighter. "Its okay baby, you're
here now and your safe and everything will be okay. You will see it will
be okay. I'll be okay, you'll be okay. This thing with Bobby will blow
over, we will be fine. I promise^Å I promise sweetie." Emily crooned
over and over, trying to make Alexis believe her. She didn't know why
she woke up from her sound sleep, but when she did she was completely at
peace. Yet, there was something telling her to go downstairs. She woke
knowing she was needed down stairs.

Emily stood in the door way listening to Alexis cry, listened to those
words. She should have known something was wrong. She should have
listened when Alexis tried talking to her, tried explaining everything.
Instead, she shut her down. She had had a hard day when Bobby first blew
up on her, not that this week had gotten any easier. But this? She never
expected this. Now she was left kicking herself for not listening when
she should have.

Alexis suddenly jumped out of her arms and stood up. Emily looked up at
her stunned.  Alexis eyes moved quickly from her, to her sister and then
to her brother in law. She looked like a scarred animal that had just
been backed into a corner, frantically trying to find a way out.

"Alexis," Sarah said softly, ever the attentive therapist, "Alexis,
you're fine. You're in a safe place. Tell us what's the matter."

"You can't tell him. You guys can't tell Bobby. He will never believe
it. He won't. He'll tell everyone and then it will get out, and I
can't have everyone knowing. No one can know. I shouldn't have said
anything. I shouldn't have told you all. Please, you can't tell him.
You can't tell anyone. You can't you can't. I shouldn't have said
anything." Alexis sounded as frantic as she looked. Emily was scarred,
more scarred than she had been in a long, long time.

"Collin, slip through the kitchen and get my bag out of the car
please." Sarah said quietly, not taking her eyes off of Alexis. "Now
Alexis, I know that you just met Collin and I but I have believe me when
I tell you that we would never do something like that. This is your
business and we are just here to be your friends and listen. Okay, honey.
We won't tell anyone. What has happened tonight, what was said tonight
stays between the people that was here tonight. Understand?" Sarah said,
slowly rising off of the couch. Emily noticed Sarah motion for her to do
the same.

"Talk to her Emily." Sarah said softly, each of them coming closer to
Alexis, her eyes still darting back and forth between them. Emily felt as
if she was approaching a wild animal that was very likely to strike at
any moment.

"Baby, please. It will be okay. Forget about Bobby, forget about
everyone else. Alexis, Lexie^Å please. Look at me baby. I love you."
Alexis began to noticeable calm down with the first few words Emily said.
"It will be okay. I love you and you love me and that's all that
matters." She finally kept her eyes on Emily's, no longer darting
everywhere.

"You still love me?" Alexis asked her voice cracking.

"Yes, baby, nothing could change that."

"But^Å but^Å I was stupid, and drunk, and I did crazy mean things."

"I let him rape me."

"You didn't let him do anything to you. You told him no. He is a
fucking bastard. You should have went to the police." Emily noticed Sara
shake her head and knew this wasn't the subject to be talked about right
now, not when they were trying to calm her down.  "I love you. I want to
spend my life with you." Emily said, getting close enough to wrap her
arms around Alexis's waist. She did so tentatively at first, afraid that
she would be attacked if she did. Finally, she felt Alexis relax in her
arms and she smiled.

"I want to spend my life with you and that means that there will be some
hard times. We won't always like each other, some days I will annoy the
hell out of you, and there will be days that I want to wring your neck.
But we will still love each other and you will still mean the world to
me, I love you so much." Emily saw her brother-in-law return to the
room, her sister's medical bag under his arm. Sarah motioned for him to
be still.

"I love you too, Emily. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Alexis cried,
burying her face in Emily's shoulder. Emily nodded at her sister, who
sprung into action while Alexis was distracted. She grabbed her bag from
her husband and found what she needed. Within seconds she came up with a
syringe full of medication in her hand, waiting. Emily knew that it was
something to help Alexis sleep, she needed it right now.

"Alexis, I am a doctor and I am going to give you something to help you
sleep. Is that okay?" Sarah asked quietly, just loud enough to be heard
over Alexis's sobs.

"Uh huh." She cried. Alexis didn't even flinch as she was poked. Soon,
her crying slowed and she became heavier on Emily's shoulder.

"Collin, help Emily get her upstairs please." Sarah said with a sigh.
Collin did one better; he laid the sleepy Alexis in his arms and carried
her up stairs to her room. Or that's where Emily thought he was taking
her. But instead, he brought her to Emily's bed.

"I figured she could use you tonight." He justified when she explained
the mistake, Emily nodded. She could use Alexis too. "Plus, we are going
to have to work on making that look more like a nursery again. You have
another little one on the way." Emily chuckled at her brother-in-law.
She knew that she would be the last one to forget that there was a little
one on the way, but she thought it was cute the way he had said that.

"Yes, we do." She hadn't thought about changing the nursery back but
she figured it would have to be done sooner than later. Right now,
though, it could wait. She knew that both Alexis and she had a lot of
healing to do before either of them would be doing anything else.

Emily joined her haggard looking sister and brother-in-law down stairs
after stripping Alexis of her clothes, which where quite wet with tears.
She couldn't believe that many tears came from one person. Of course
that one person was holding so much in. How did Emily not see it? How
could she love someone so much and never see how much she was hurting?
Emily kicked herself for the hundredth time that night.

"Sit please." Sarah said as Emily came into view. She knew that this
had been a hard night on them all. "There are some things you need to
know. You came in on the tail end of our conversation." Emily sat and
listened to all Alexis had told them she was stunned. She knew that
Alexis had told her that it was because of her that she acted like she
did, but she never could have fathomed the depths of it.

Emily felt so tired. Even after the refreshing nap that she had it was
just too much. Her heart swelled with love for Alexis. She knew with all
her heart what that woman meant to her.

"All this could have been avoided. All of it." Emily said shaking her
head.

"How?" Collin asked sitting forward, his elbows on his knees.