Date: Sun, 27 Jan 2008 00:45:54 -0800 (PST)
From: Nate House <extreamlucky14@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Silent Cellist
Hello everybody! I'm back after a long hiatus of writing. I'm sorry for
the long delay, but coming up with new material off the top of my head is
kinda hard to do. I appreciate everyone who read/commented on my last
series "Loving A Shadow".
This story that is not all about sex, but rather something that goes a
bit deeper than our carnal desires. This story has been planned to
contain several installments (or episodes if you will) as opposed to last
time where I accidentally made it be so (seriously).
If this isn't your style, then don't read it. Or if you are not of legal
age, or find it offensive don't read it. Simple as that.
Comments/suggestions are always appreciated. If you've read my earlier
series, then you know that I am appreciative of my readers, but if you
haven't then you will find out. :-) Enjoy!!
Chapter One: Diary Entries of a Sane Mad-Girl
June 1, 2154
Dearest Illitor,
Well here I am. Today marks my fifth birthday in this God-forsaken
place. It was actually kind nice today actually. I was given a cake from
my buddy down the block, Captain Jack. I think it's hilarious that he
believes he's a pirate and the people in his block is his crew, but I'll
let him continue thinking that for a while longer. Even Sgt. Cook made an
appearance at our little party. Speaking of which, almost the entirety of
D-Block was in attendance. It was such a nice day.
Inkye himself had a present in store for me. He played with happiest
song I've ever heard. Oh, it was so nice! My cellmate Sarah even made me
a nice frame for the picture Warden Hansen took of us last summer.
Unfortunately you can see the perimeter wall in the background. OH DAMN
IT..........I've got to go before He finds out about you.
************************************
June 16, 2154
Dearest Illitor,
I apologize for not being able to speak with you for the longest
time. After breakfast Monday that damn Sgt. Cook asked me to "practice my
therapy sessions" once again. Naturally I declined and tried to go about
my way. When I was about to leave the library, he threw me against the
doorway and proceeded to kiss me. Even though, somehow, I managed to
throw him off of me he continued his assault with a renewed vigor. He
slapped me across the face, roughly grabbed my jaw and tried again. This
time, I just let him get it over with. In front of everyone he grabbed me
by the arm and escorted me to the ice shed behind the kitchen. That
odious dog of a man threw me into the side of the small shack and punched
me in the face. I knew at that point my mind went numb, not just from the
pain but from the knowledge of what was coming next. Once again he
slapped me for my disobedience and spun me around. I knew what he wanted
and through my numbed state I could vividly hear the sound of my pants
and panties being ripped apart by his monstrous arms. I just stayed
there, letting him slide his syringe of poison deep inside of me. Again
and again he pounded against me each time telling me what a "whore" and
"maggot" I truly am. I guess after being here for so long, you start to
believe such banter. When I tried to look back over my shoulder, he would
grab my hair and slam my face into the metal wall upon which my weak arms
braced me. It was after the third time that I felt the true nature of his
poison enter my body. He was of course moaning in ecstasy while my head,
nose and labia were bleeding. Once his poison filled the hole his deadly
needle was in, he pulled it out of me and punched me once again in the
eye causing me to fall nearly unconscious. Instead of him leaving and it
being just a usual day, he dragged me by my small ankles into the ice
shed. There he tossed me against the far wall while saying I wasn't
deserving of his love. It was then he shut and locked the door leaving me
nearly nude inside of the freezing shack.
While I heard him knocking on the walls as he passed, I felt his
poison leak down my shaking and weak thighs. Almost immediately I was
feeling the coldness of the room. The only light source coming from the
small lantern next to the fans, all I could see was how I would die. I
could see frozen cow parts hanging nearby and icicles dangling from the
ceiling.
My body, weakened from the rape and lack of food for nearly a week,
feel upon itself. I just huddled into a ball and wished the hand of death
would touch me soon. For my entire tenure at this place, I had been
someone?s sex slave; I'd been passed from one to the next. Sgt. Cook was my
first and he is bound and determined to be my last. He has long hated
that the other "guards" have had me and now, my most recent, Dr. Sarah
Jackson. I have been her "girlfriend" for the better part of a year now.
She is the cruelest of them all. I was her patient before becoming her
whore and she long planned to steal me away from the sergeant. She knows
everything about me and uses that to get what she wants from me. It was
she who ordered that I not have laced shoes or elongated bed sheets lest
I kill myself with them. I know not why they all chose me, but that is my
place in here. Nothing will ever change that.
Sorry, Illitor, for spilling my heart out like that, but I appreciate
you listening. It was approaching dinner time when I was found. The
orderly said I looked like a piece of meat had fallen off its hook when
he found me. I don't think his estimate could have been any closer to the
truth. He immediately took me to the infirmary. They treated me for my
wounds but failed to ask me who had done that to me. Naturally I was less
than surprised. The head doctor of this place, Dr. Brad stone, once held
me in his "special closet" for a month before Sgt. Cook came and
"rescued" me from it.
I'm glad to have a friend like you Illitor. One who listens and never
complains. I can't wait until I am reunited with Inkye! We've been parted
for so long. I am sure you wish for a reunion as well, Illitor. Warden
Hanson says I can have him back just as soon as the week has passed.
Sarah would love to hear Inikye's music once again. She says it's the
only way she can sleep soundly. That is quite ironic, is it not, that my
good friend and cellmate shares the name of the one to whom I am a whore.
If it not for her dependence of me, I would think there was no kindness
in these walls.
Thank you, Illitor, for listening to me once again. I will let you
know when I get Inkye back.
Love,
Amanda
************************************
June 21, 2154
Dearest Illitor,
I took two more days than expected, but Inkye has finally come back
to me. I am sitting here at my desk feeling things I have not felt in a
long time. I am overjoyed to have my family back together; however, at
the same time I am growing more and more disgusted with myself. Dr.
Jackson held Inkye from me for those two extra days because I refused to
obey her commands. That Medusa of a therapist, always wearing a coy
smile, told me that we would remain apart until I "voluntarily continued
my therapy". After eighteen hours, I couldn't stand being apart any
longer. I relented my hate of that woman-thing and agreed to start my
sessions anew. That she-devil, sitting on the edge of her desk, told me
to "take my place in the world" before her. I immediately fell to my
knees and awaited what was coming to me. She kicked me in the mouth with
those pointed shoes of hers causing me to fall back to the floor. While I
was holding my face in agony, she casually strode over to me. I looked up
at her through my fingers; still she had that evil smile on her face. She
stood atop of me with a foot on either side of my abdomen and proceeded
to fall to her knees. I could feel her strong thighs against my sides.
She took my hands into hers and, with a tender look, gave my mouth a
healing kiss. My lips were split and bleeding, but she seemed to revel in
the idea of taking my blood into her mouth. She speared her tongue
against my cuts and licked them. As she did so, I felt two things
happening simultaneously. One: I felt my tension rise and fall at my
brain's confusion, and two: I felt her strong legs begin to constrict
against my lungs making my heavy breathing even more labored. Once she
was satisfied that weird fetish of blood licking, not to mention
squeezing the air out of me, she stood up once again. With that tender
look in her eyes and evil smile on her lips, she ordered me to "do my
duties as her whore". I rolled off my back and proceeded pull her panties
down her strong legs. As they slowly lowered down her legs, I could hear
her giggling and feel my stomach begin to churn. Once her under-garment
was down to her feet she simply stepped out of them instead of kicking me
in the abdomen as she usually does. I guess she had already welcomed to
her office. She retook her place at the edge of her desk and instructed
me to crawl to her. I felt my blood run cold. My face was turning a
ghostly pale as I crawled toward this woman-thing. As I neared, she
opened her thighs and told me to "enjoy my present". The stench of her
musk and poor maintenance of her pubic region was enough to make a dog
want to vomit--and I was close enough already. However, I knew what would
happen if I refused. In light of my first-hand knowledge, I planted my
face into her open thighs and began to stroke my tongue against her
vagina. Over and over I heard her moaning in her own ecstasy. She had a
firm grip on my hair with her hands and a tight hold of my head with her
thighs. Again and again she would blurt out "lick me you dirty whore" or
my personal favorite "eat doctor's pussy my insane slut". Of all the
names I've been called that one always makes me laugh. I felt her orgasm
several times against my mouth. "Drink all of it or you'll be sent back
to ice shed" she told me in a not-so-pleasant tone. After she was
finished, she squeezed against my ears. Her powerful thighs propelled me
backwards and then she kicked me in my mouth once again. The combined
tastes of her vaginal secretions and blood almost made me lose the little
food I'd eaten. She stood proudly before me, awaiting my return to her
feet. Without any verbal commands, I instinctively opened the holes of
her panties and brought them up to their original place. While I was
still on the floor, she walked over to the closet. Inkye had been stashed
in there the whole time. She told me to go over to her and kiss her. She
wanted to taste her own secretions and my blood once again before I left
with my friend.
However disgusted I am with myself for doing this, I am happy in the
knowledge that I would do anything to keep Inkye from being parted from
me. Before I started telling you about my day, Sarah wanted Inkye to sing
her to sleep. He sang the most lovely song I've heard: a slow tempo
Mozart piece. Before I finished the overture, I could hear her snoring.
Sgt. Cook came to my window and smiled at his song. This makes the second
time I've ever seen that man-thing smile.
Illitor, I am going to say good night now. Inkye and I have some
catching up to do.
Love,
Amanda
************************************
June 28, 2154
Dearest Illitor,
I am truly sorry for making you feel abandoned this past week. For
the first time since my arrival I've been completely free of doing "my
duties" to my captors. It's been an amazing week. I was given three
full-course meals for the first time in years. Oh, it was so good to feel
the warmth of roast beef with a complete compliment of side items like
mashed potatoes and green beans. I've almost forgotten what a full
stomach feels like. Sgt. Cook himself presented me with the tray full of
food and he did so as if he was serving the president himself. You know
at first I was skeptical of his motives, but I decided to not care and
just enjoy it. Even if he's slowly poisoning me, at least I will finally
remember what it's like to have someone who pretends to give a damn.
That reminds me: I heard rumors today that a bunch of my class are
getting released soon. I didn't get all of the details, but I heard it
was sometime in July when the exodus will begin. Here we are, just two
weeks out from the start of that time line. Maybe, just maybe, we will be
getting out of here with Inkye before his next birthday. Oh, what a
glorious thought to behold. I know, Illitor, I must calm myself and not
get my hopes up about this whole mess, but I can't. Unlike you Illitor,
it's been years since I've had any hope. So let me revel in the idea of
making an eternal exit from this damn place. Please?
Oh, no...he's trying to talk to me again. I am truly sorry Illitor. I
must go now before He finds out about you.......
************************************
Chapter Two: A Chance Encounter
Brittany strode down the not-so-busy streets of downtown Kennview.
The rain that fell the night before was still evident in the puddles she
occasionally stepped over. She listening to her girlfriend, Kayla, going
on and on about the upcoming fiesta. She knew from the sound of her voice
that she was more than excited to have been invited. Kayla kept going on
and on about how "everyone is going to be there" and some other mindless
banter. Brittany, on the other hand, wasn't the least bit interested in
going. She never liked the person who invited them or any of her friends,
but she went along with her girl for the sake of spending time together.
As Kayla kept talking, Brittany did her part and listened to every
word, even if she disliked the subject. Kayla, ever the stereotypical
blond, had no way of knowing that her girlfriend hated the people she
hung out with. She never could pick up on the tension between them
whenever they were together, nor could she see the anger in Brittany's
eyes whenever they passed. All that seemed to matter to Kayla, at least
in Brittany's mind, was going to parties and having a good time.
Brittany, ever the mindful girlfriend, always put on a smile and kept the
peace; even if she did want nothing more than to reach out and break her
neck.
"Brit," Kayla said tugging on her arm, "aren't you listening to me?"
"Yeah," Brittany said smiling her pearly white teeth. "What time does
Kendra want us to be at her house?"
"She told me to show up around seven, eight o'clock," Kayla said
smiling back. That smile of Brittany's could brighten even the darkest of
days. "You know everyone who is anyone will be there to kick off our
senior year..." Brittany let the rest trail off as she gazed into the
windows of the downtown buildings.
As they passed by the music shop at the end of College Street,
Brittany took particular notice of their reflection. Kayla didn't bother
to notice at all until she was stopped by the sudden halt of her
girlfriend. She looked back at her then into the store then back at
Brittany with a questioning look on her face. Brittany just stared into
her own eyes and saw something that she never realized before, but before
she could ponder the thought too much she received another tug on her
arm, "You O.K., Brit?"
"Yeah, I just thought I saw something," Brittany said in a soft
voice.
"It's just the music store," Kayla said not understanding, "we pass
it everyday..."
"Yeah, I know," Brittany said sighing, "but don't you ever wonder if
maybe there's something that's been buried deep inside that you can't
find until some else finds it for you?"
"I wonder if you ever don't think of this shit all the time," Kayla
answered smiling. Brittany loved that smile of hers and the tenderness
that Kayla sends with it "Besides, I know I unlocked something even
better last night," Kayla breathed into her ear.
"Stop it you slut," Brittany said laughing, feeling the her skin rise
and fall with each breath that entered her ear. Kayla knew every spot on
Brittany's body that could send her over the edge without any effort and
her favorite hobby was testing each one.
"O.K.," Kayla play-whined backing off a bit. "What do you say to some
ice cream before we go shopping?"
"I'd say it sounds like a plan," Brittany answered before kissing her
girlfriend.
As they sat in the Diary Queen just across the street from the music
shop, Kayla continued on with her previous subject while Brittany tuned
out and thought more and more about the mysterious moment she had minutes
before. There was something in her eyes that didn't look the least bit
happy at all, almost as if her soul itself was trying to tell her
something she couldn't understand. The more Kayla talked, seemingly
without taking a breath, the more Brittany pondered her own emotions.
They both sat in their booth with their own mental agendas; however,
Brittany is a skilled listener. Being able to think about these random
issues that pop up while listening to someone go on and on about whatever
was on their mind is a skill she blames on her mother's genes.
"Come on, Brit," Kayla said after swallowing some of her ice cream,
"you could at least show a little interest about the party tonight."
"Yeah I know," Brittany said back taking a bite of her sundae, "I
just hope that it doesn't turn out like last time..."
"Do you have to bring that up again?" Kayla said feeling ashamed and
angered. "I said I was sorry like a million times..."
"I believe you, Kayla," Brittany cut her off before she could get
into her excuse, "and you promised you wouldn't do it again. All I was
saying was I hope it doesn't turn out that way again. That's all."
Brittany cupped her hand into Kayla's and smiled an assuring smile.
"Oh, I love it when you smile at me like that." Kayla leaned over and
gave her a kiss on the cheek before going back to her ice cream.
Once again, Brittany found herself staring out the window. Once again
thinking things she doesn't want to think about, not because of her
disdain for Kendra or her parties, and not because she is that random of
a person. What she saw in her reflection scared her. Unfortunately for
her, Kayla wouldn't want to talk about a subject such as that and that's
another fact that scared her.
The pair continued their successful window-shopping spree. They
passed by many stores without setting foot into any of them. This was
about the only activity they had to just themselves, no parents, no
friends, just the two of them. As they neared the Borders book store at
the end of First Street, they saw a crowd gathered around the front door.
Their curiosity about the goings-on was soon put to rest as they heard a
cello begin to bellow out it's song. Brittany, the lover of classical
music, stopped dead in her tracks as she heard this master player
perform. Even Kayla, who never liked anything to do with classical music,
was astounded as well by the sound of this music. It sounded much heavier
that a typical cello being played. The song which started out like a
Mozart piece quickly turned into something that sounded metal--some
people in the crowd were head-banging to this song. The pair tried to
push their way to the front of the line with no success. Of all the
concerts she's been to, this was the first time that Brittany ever heard
someone shredding on a cello.
The crowd gave the more than earned applause when the song ended,
nearly ten minutes later. Some of the people moved on with what they were
doing while others stayed behind wanting him to continue the show. Their
wish was granted. Brittany and Kayla watched the show for another
hour-and-a-half. Neither of them said a word the whole time. Each song
seemed to get more dark than the last, almost as if he was telling the
story of some unfortunate person finding his way to the inner circle of
Hell itself. The player, who kept his hood over his head and never looked
up, played one last song. It sounded more like a requiem than a sinister
song like he'd been playing. When he was finished, he carefully picked
the random assortment of money out of the instrument's case and packed it
away.
"Wow," Kayla said wide-eyed, "that was freaking amazing. Plus it was
free!"
"I've never heard that before ever in my whole life," Brittany said
looking at the instrument's case. "I wonder if he's ever played in an
orchestra or symphony."
"Why don't you ask him?" Kayla asked, playfully nudging Brittany's
shoulder
"Carmon," Brittany said suddenly, taking Kayla by the wrist and
speeding off down the street. The death-grip on her girlfriend's wrist
was making her hand go numb, but Brittany continued her hurried escape
down the street until they got to their car.
"You wanna tell me what the hell the was all about?" Kayla demanded
finally feeling feelings in her hand again.
"That girl with the cello..." Brittany started but stopped to take a
deep breath.
"No that was a guy with the cello," Kayla said trying to probe into
the topic.
"Shut up and listen,"Brittany said sternly. "That was a girl with the
cello. I've seen her walking aimlessly around my neighborhood recently.
The logo on the back of her Hood is proof enough for me. I heard from the
grapevine that she was recently released from the mental hospital
upstate."
"You've got a nut-case walking around your hood?" Kayla asked in
disbelief. She looked at her Brittany with more than an inquisitive
glare, she had the look of anger for some reason.
"Why don't you believe me?" Brittany said in her own disbelief.
"Carmon, Brit," Kayla answered a bit more loudly than necessary, "You
like the show that 'she' put on, but then you turn around and completely
flake out about the whole thing just because you think she's the crazy
bitch walking around your street. That doesn't sound like you at all.
You're just freaking me out is all."
"Yeah I guess you're right," Brittany said taking a relaxing sigh.
"I'll drop you off and be back to pick you up at six."
The ride back to Kayla's house was spent in silence. Neither one of
them was wanting to talk about the show or what Brittany saw in herself
in that reflection. The both just sat and thought. Kayla was thinking
about how much fun it was going to be tonight while Brittany thought
about how much things have changed within herself; things that she dare
not confess to her own soul.
Brittany stared at her nearly naked reflection as she before she got
ready for the party tonight. Her towel covered skin shined nicely with
the light of the room, but still she felt those nagging feeling continue
their trek along her innards. She stared into her eyes while brushing her
hair, but the reflection didn't seem to stare back. She was confused as
to why her reflection seemed to have those lifeless eyes. Even as her
preparations for tonight were nearing completion, she didn't understand
what was up with her mood. Or rather lack of one.
She arrived at Kayla's house a little passed six and Kayla still
wasn't ready. Kayla's mom invited her in while calling up to her
daughter. Kayla came running down the stairs shortly after hearing the
glorious news of her girlfriend arriving. Brittany promised to have her
daughter home before twelve, as she always did before going out.
Brittany decided to drive around for a little while before heading
over to Kendra's house. Kayla seemed to pick up where she left off hours
ago, going on and on about how great this party was going to be and
whatnot.
"Brit," Kayla said after noticing she just blindly staring out the
window, "Are you sure you're O.K.?"
"Yeah," Brittany breathed, "I just got to thinking before I came over
to your house again..."
"And you started to flake out on me again," Kayla teased poking her
in the arm. "Wake up in there..."
"Would you stop it already," Brittany said much louder than she
intended to.
"Fine," Kayla answered angered by her girlfriend's snappiness. She
turned her head and stared away from her girlfriend. Brittany didn't want
to say anything. She knew that would only lead to yet another argument,
but at the same time she wanted to apologize for being in such a biting
mood. Fortunately the solution presented itself. Brittany hadn't realized
it, but she'd been unconsciously driving towards Kendra's house.
Kayla was out of the car and heading towards the house before
Brittany even had the gear in park. Whatever was going through her head
about how scared her reflection made her was just amplified by a factor
of ten. She knew that her gut was warning her about something that will
happen tonight and this feeling was growing faster knowing full well that
inebriated elation will only add to Kayla's already angered stated.
Brittany sat in the car thinking about what happened last time they came
to a party just after having an argument. She felt her eyes begin to
water at the thought of that happening again.
Swallowing her tears and pride, she went into the house to find her
Kayla. The place was already pretty full even though there weren't a lot
of cars in the driveway. She went to the fridge and got herself a
Smirnoff Ice and headed back out to the living room where some of the
guys set up a break dancing competition. Brittany began to feel herself
start to unwind and actually enjoy herself watching some her friends make
complete drunken fools of themselves. She even got see her longtime
friend, Curtis, start the idea of diving into the pool from the roof.
Laughing and having a good time, she hadn't noticed that she'd been away
from Kayla for about two hours. She immediately went looking for her on
the front lawn. Her search was stopped when she tripped over someone
sitting by himself under the large oak tree.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry man," Brittany managed to get out after
regaining herself. "You O.K.?"
The person didn't move a muscle. He just sat there and continued his
gazing of the night sky.
"Hey buddy," Brittany said waving her hand in his face, "did you see
Kayla Martin around here at all?"
To this, he shook his head "no".
"Oh damn it! I guess that means that..." Brittany stopped when she
noticed him return to his star gazing. She stood under the tree and
stopped thinking about where Kayla could be and turned her attention to
this boy's loneliness. His strange aura was going straight to Brittany's
heart and she felt sympathy for this poor guy. Maybe his girlfriend was
off somewhere fucking one of his friends behind his back too.
"Is it O.K. if I sit with you for a second?" Brittany asked politely.
He shook his head "yes" and moved over to allow her some room.
"My name is Brittany by the way," she said. "What's yours?"
This time the boy looked down and pulled a small note pad and pencil
out of his Hood's pocket and wrote "Amanda".
"Oh shit," Brittany said after reading the note. Laughing inwardly at
her semi-drunken stated as to assume he was a boy. "Sorry, I just thought
you were a boy." Amanda just reciprocated the smile.
"What brings you here tonight anyway, Amanda?"
"Just wanted to mingle with semi-normal people," she wrote on her
pad. This brought another giggle from Brittany's lips. She took a swig
from the bottle before continuing.
"Why are you sitting out here all by yourself when there's plenty to
do in there?"
"I quickly found I'm not normal enough to be apart of that crowd,"
Amanda wrote with a sad look in her eye, but also thought the same about
Brittany. "Why are you out here looking for this Kayla person and not in
there?"
"We had a stupid fight before we got here," Brittany said looking up
at the sky, taking a deep breath. "All day I've had this weird feeling in
my gut about something bad was going to happen tonight. Last time we went
to a party like this, I found her sitting in an ex-friend's lap getting
fingered while she was kissing on her neck. I decided to give her a
second chance since all of us were totally wasted and I had no reason to
think she would do it again. But ever since then I've felt very empty
inside and that feeling has started to interrupt my schoolwork. Just this
afternoon I saw a nothing in my reflection's eyes. Kayla isn't the type
of girl that understands what it means to have a deep, emotional
conversation. Sorry, I must be boring you, but thank you for letting me
vent."
"Brittany," Amanda wrote on a clean sheet, "Do you really think that
it's right to keep putting yourself through that kind of pain? Take it
from me the longer you hold something, the longer it festers into
something you don't recognize as you. I think you should be talking to
someone else."
"There you are!" a voice called out from the driveway. "I've been
looking everywhere for you!"
"Kayla," Brittany said getting to her feet, "where have you been? You
stormed out of my car and I haven't seen you since. I've been worried
sick."
"Is that so?" Kayla said still steaming. Brittany could tell her
blood alcohol content was far more than she was expecting. "Tell me who
the fuck this freak is."
"She's nobody," Brittany said, agitated by Kayla's level of
drunkenness. "Don't worry about it. I mean it's not like we got wasted
and started fucking." As soon as Brittany said that, she wished she
didn't.
"Really," Kayla said a bit calmer for some reason, "prove it."
Brittany turned around to look for Amanda, but she left as soon as
she heard Kayla first speak. "I'm not going to fuck you in the state
you're in," was all Brittany was able to get out.
"I see," Kayla said on the verge of crying, "did she give it to you
that well that you don't want anymore?"
"What is your fucking deal today?" Brittany asked getting even more
agitated by the second. "All you've been doing is completely ignoring me
and talking about this fucking party, that I didn't want to be at in the
first place, then you get all pissed off and leave me alone in the
fucking car. So tell me now where the fuck have you been."
Kayla was not expecting anything like this to come from her Brittany;
even in the drunken state she's in, she was surprised. Never before had
she blown up like this and the look of shock was spelled all over Kayla's
face. "I was trying to have a good time," was all she managed to get out.
"Well I hope you fucking got it," Brittany quipped. The blood running
through her veins was absolutely teething with anger. "Now, get in my
car. I've got a promise to keep."
Brittany grabbed Kayla by the arm, more roughly than necessary, and
lead her to the car. Kayla was sober enough to have performed getting in
the car on her own, but Brittany opened the door and practically threw
her into the vehicle. She stormed her way to other side after slamming
Kayla's door shut, making her shudder even more. Brittany slammed her
door shut after she got in. They sat in the driveway for a
second--Brittany resting her head on her hands against the steering
wheel, Kayla trying to avoid being close to her at all cost. Brittany
drove Kayla back to her house as quickly as she could. She wanted to be
near her as little as possible tonight.
Kayla tried to give Brittany an apology kiss when they reached her
house. She leaned over towards her girlfriend and was immediately slapped
in the face. Kayla recoiled crying, her brain finally coming out of it's
inebriated state. She lightly touched her stinging cheek, her eyes
watering already. Kayla exited the car and slammed the door shut. She ran
up to her house as Brittany raced off down the street. As she was driving
home, she let her true emotions come forth. Her anger gave way to
sadness, her love gave way loneliness. She didn't want any of this to be
true, but had to finally admit that she doesn't love Kayla anymore.
Finally making it home, she threw the door open and ran right into
her mother's arms. She immediately took her daughter into her embrace
trying to find out what was going on. Over and over she tried to use soft
words to ease her into talking it out, but the teenager's emotions were
relentless. They somehow managed to make it to the couch where her mother
continued to run her fingers through her soft hair, like she use to do
when she was a child. Brittany pulled away from her mother's chest and
noticed the huge wet spot from where her tears had flooded from her eyes.
"Now tell me what's going on," her mother asked softly but sternly.
"Kayla and I broke up tonight," Brittany said sobbing.
"Oh, Brittany, I'm so sorry honey," Her mother said pulling her into
her chest once again. "What happened at that party tonight to make you
want to call it quits?"
"She got completely wasted for the last time," Brittany said fighting
back the hurt. Taking a deep breath she continued, "I've been feeling
things lately that I thought were just me being nervous, but tonight
everything just came together. I not only fell out of love with her, but
I realized that she never really loved me. I blew up on her when I
finally found her, I even slapped her when she tried to kiss me..."
Brittany was cut of from the memory of actually striking Kayla in the
face.
"I'm so sorry, honey," her mom said brushing her wet cheek. "Is there
anything I can do to make you feel any better?"
"Actually I 'd like some of your cookies." Brittany smiled at the
prospect of getting some of her mom's award winning cookies, the one
thing that has always turned her mood around no matter what.
Brittany helped her mother with preparing the dough with the
enthusiasm of a five-year-old. The were laughing and having a good time
making Brittany all but forget about Kayla. They left the dishes in the
sink for the morning's chores and just enjoyed the scent of their treat
cooking. Brittany and her mom sat around the table and just talked about
nothing in particular until they got onto the subject of the party.
Brittany immediately clammed up about the the whole topic, but then, for
some strange reason, she felt a good come from that party. Only then did
she realize she met someone, who didn't even speak, that told her exactly
what she needed to hear.
"Brittany, you O.K.?" her mother asked after she noticed her blank
state.
"Yeah," she answered blinking herself out of the memory, "I was just
thinking about what that girl said to me...or rather what she didn't
say." Brittany giggled at the idea that she really didn't tell her
anything.
"Well," her mother said probing the topic, "what's the deal?"
"Today when Kayla and I were walking around downtown we happened upon
the bookstore where this girl was playing a cello. And this girl can
play. I've never heard anything like it before. Kayla and I stayed for
the entire show, which lasted about an hour-and-a-half. Do you remember
me telling you about that crazy person walking around outside the other
day? Well, this was her."
"Well," she answered in a bit of shock, "I guess you jumped to the
wrong conclusion there, huh? Keep talking while I get the cookies out of
the oven"
"I'm not sure about that, but I am very impressed by her ability.
After Kayla and I had a stupid fight tonight, hell I don't even remember
why anymore, I found a girl sitting by herself under a tree just looking
up at the stars. I still don't know why, but I put Kayla off and sat down
next to her. I tried to talk to her, but come to find out she's a
freaking mute. I couldn't believe it. I mean, she sat right next to me
and listened to me vent about Kayla and what I thought about her, the
whole time making me feel good about the whole ordeal. She let me open
up, but then she 'told' me that I had to talk to Kayla about what I was
going on about."
"Sounds like you at least made a friend," her mom answered, bringing
with her a full plate of cookies and a glass of milk.
"I wouldn't say friend, but she was very nice," Brittany admitted.
"The next time I see her walking around the school I'll try to talk to
her."
"There is one thing you should do first," her mom said sternly.
"What's that?" Brittany asked biting into her cookie.
"Make a clean break from Kayla," her mom said with a serious tone. "I
think you do owe her that much for the two years you two were together. I
know that tomorrow is Saturday, but get up early and once you've cleaned
the dishes I want you to call her and..."
"I get the point mom," Brittany said feeling good about the idea.
They cleaned off their plates and went to bed. Brittany spent some
time looking up at her ceiling without a single thought about her now
ex-girlfriend. Once again, the happiness she felt from what that strange
girl "told" her returned to the forefront of her mind. Then her thoughts
about what Kayla was feeling right now took over. Brittany felt no guilt
nor shame about what happened tonight. Her unquenchable lust for going to
parties and not giving a damn about what was really going on in their
relationship and then the way she handled the incident last year came to
mind. She did apologize, but the sincerity was lacking. Brittany gave her
a second chance; everybody fucks up at some point. Without any warning,
the image of that girl, Amanda, came flooding back. Brittany spent the
rest of her conscious hours thinking about it until she succumbed to the
Sandman.
The next morning Brittany woke up to a mid-morning sun shining right
into her face. She cussed herself for not closing the shades knowing that
was going to happen. Taking a good stretch, she immediately went to her
phone to get the inevitably ugly call over with. She quickly dialed the
number and waited the long few seconds before someone picked up.
"Hello?" Mrs. Martin's voice said pleasantly
"Hey, Mrs. Martin," Brittany said equally pleasant trying not to
think about any conversations Kayla may, or may not, have had already.
"Is Kayla awake yet?"
"Hold on Brittany," she answered as usual, telling Brittany all she
needed to know.
Brittany waited and waited and waited for Kayla to finally answer the
phone. "What the fuck do you want?" Kayla hissed
"I assume then that you can read my mind," Brittany answered
sarcastically.
"Oh fuck you, bitch!" Kayla said even more pissed. "We're fucking
through. I hope you're fucking happy."
"Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it," Brittany could
feel herself becoming more and more comfortable after Kayla decided to
say it first. As soon as Brittany said that, Kayla threw the phone down.
This made her laugh a bit, finally feeling free from her.
"Did you do as I asked?" her mom said as she came bouncing into the
kitchen a short time later.
"Yes I did," Brittany answered smiling from ear to ear. She took her
place at the sink to finish last night's dishes.
"I hope everything went well."
"Hell no it didn't," Brittany said being caught up in the moment of
her emotional high. "She threw the freaking phone across the room then
slammed it down."
"And you're happy with this?" her mom asked with a concerned tone.
"Hell yes I am," Brittany nearly yelled. "I don't know, I finally
feel free! I don't have her damn guilt trips to worry about anymore. I
can focus on my grades and the team."
Her mother could tell there was a new life flowing from her daughter.
It's been a long time since she's seen her this happy. "How's that going
anyway? The thing with the team?"
"Yeah I nearly forgot," Brittany answered calming down a bit. "We've
got a tournament coming up two weeks from today actually. Are you gonna
be able to go to this one?"
"I've gotta check with my boss, but I should be off since I'm off
today." Brittany immediately broke into another one of her famous smiles.
Her mother rarely gets to travel with the team and she really didn't
understand the game that well, but she has always supported her.
Brittany finished the dishes thinking about all of the things that
she and Kayla had done together. They've been more than friends for the
longest time before they started dating. Kayla always had to be the one
that decided what to do. Either it was as simple as playing cards or up
to their orgasm-filled night before the party. Brittany tried to count
the times anything was her idea or something that she actually felt a
part of, instead of apart from. She counted three times was something her
idea, including last night. She decided to go for a walk before she had
to be off to the field for practice.
"Mom, I'll be back in a little while," she said as she was walking
out the door. She was out the door and on her way before her mother could
say anything.
She walked and thought, trying to get her head completely clear
before she had to be at the field for practice. Coming back from her
earlier high of breaking up with Kayla, she realized how much of an
affect their relationship had on her over the years. Before the two of
them hooked up, she always knew what she was doing. Brittany was not the
kind of person that was easily controllable, but Kayla had a way with her
that not even she understood. Brittany's own mother couldn't figure out
how or why Kayla held her in sway like that. The more Brittany thought
about how easily she let Kayla "own" her, if you will, the more she
thought about how much she missed her old self. She was the one who would
flirt and turn down, but not because she was a bitch but because she knew
she has the power to do so.
Then the thought hit her: she would never be that person again.
Nevermore will she be able to hold her sway over the hearts, or loins, of
people like she use to. No more would she be able to, or willing to,
admit to herself her ultimate defeat by another person. Brittany long
understood the age-old saying "love isn't free", but she also understood
that love should be be at the expense of your own free will.
Brittany interrupted her thoughts when she became aware of the fact
that she was not alone on the street as she thought she was. Her instinct
feeling like someone was watching her became overpowering. Her head cam
out of the clouds of her mind and shot her eyes into focus in search of
this malevolent aura that took her by surprise. Franticly she looked all
around her, searching for the face of this nameless fear that held her
heart and squeezed. Finding no one in sight, she made the wise decision
to turn around and head back home.
As she ran past one of the few abandoned houses on her block, she
could hear a weird sound coming from within. Brittany stopped dead in her
tracks and listened, though she didn't know why. She walked past this
house a mere five minutes before and it seemed as it always had, since
before her family moved into their house. A decaying white house with a
few broken windows from the years of neglect and petty vandalism. The
roof looked like it would cave in any day now, but gave the illusion of
unrelenting protection for who ever was in there now, playing this music.
This music coming from a decaying house. After a brief moment of
listening, Brittany felt those faceless eyes begin to watch her once
again. She quickly found the strength to move once again and sprinted
back to her house, shaking with fear the whole time.
Brittany arrived at the practice field a little before ten. Some of
the other team members were finishing up with getting the field set-up
with what they were going to practice today. Judging from the layout of
the bunkers, it was going to be a dull, drill-filled practice with little
actual playing time. Sighing to herself about how much she hates these
kinds of practices, she got her gearbag from her trunk and set to work
getting her gun set-up and gear ready to go. Curtis came walking out of
the storage shed pulling the wagon full of paint for today.
"Hey Brit!" he called out to her. "How'd that thing with Kayla go?"
"You just get right to the point, don't you?" Brittany answered tying
her cleats. "Well if you really must know, we broke up."
"I see you're really shaken up by it," he said full of sarcasm. "Are
you O.K> with it all? You look a little pale."
"Really?" Brittany said in shock. She thought she was able to get her
head back on her shoulders, but the frightening incident with the old
house must still have her shaken.
"Yeah, you sure you wanna practice today? I could let the coach know
if you want me to." His concern was genuine. He's known her since they
were in elementary school and never once has he seen her looking like
this.
"And have you think you can take my spot on the starting line? I
think not!" Brittany answered already feeling a bit better. "Don't forget
who you're talking to."
"HA!" he said knowing he can always make her feel better. "I thought
that would get to you. But seriously, you know I'm always here for you if
you need me." Brittany just pulled him into her and gave him a sisterly
embrace.
The rest of the team showed up a short time later. They filled their
pods and got to getting the initial warm-ups and stretching out of the
way. Coach Wilson went over the drill explanation and they split into
their respective lines. Brittany has been playing this sport since she
was eight years old, when her dad would take her out to this very field
to play some recreational paintball. Now she was the captain of her own
line, and second co-captain, of the best X-Ball team in this region, not
to mention was given the award of being the Best Insert Player and the
Sportsmanship Award last year; respect as a player is something she has.
Their drills finished a bit ahead of schedule. Brian, the team's
captain, chose a handful of the newer guys to get the field set-up in the
layout of the upcoming tournament. While they went about their duties,
Brittany pulled her line aside, with clipboard and layout diagram in
hand, and went over everyone's assignments for each point. Once the newer
guys, and one girl, finished getting the field ready, they returned to
the pit area and got their assignments.
Brittany, yet again, could feel those faceless eyes watching over her
again. She looked through the netting of the pit area to find the usual
suspects sitting in the bleachers. The occasional girlfriend, boyfriend,
sibling or parent were sitting in groups watching them practice or
talking amongst themselves. She ran her eyes from one side of the stands
to the other feeling this ominous, gut-wrenching fear wash over her. She
about gave up hope of maybe seeing these eyes' face until she noticed
some movement coming from below the near side seats. Whoever it was was
sitting on the grass with his arms folded over his knees. Even though he
was far away, Brittany could see him paying strict attention to her.
"Brit," Brian said tapping her on the shoulder, making her scream
out.
"Shit, Brian," she said slapping her hand against his lowered mask,
"you scared the hell out of me."
"Sorry about that, but get your line ready. We're about ready to go."
Brittany tried to focus on playing her game, but even the people in
the bleachers could tell she was not on her "A" game. Every point, it
seemed, she was making stupid mental mistakes and getting shot out early.
Even when she decided to play a back corner, couldn't seem to get her
dominance on her tape and her front guy kept getting blasted out quickly.
She felt her tension rising even more in the pit where her line and the
coaches were riding her for "playing like a fucking newb".
At the halftime whistle, she looked back to the stands and that
person was still sitting there. His body position hadn't changed at all
in the last thirty minutes.
"Brittany, I don't what your fucking problem is but you better lose
it quick," Brian said trying to get her to snap out of her delusion. "You
played like shit the whole first half. I haven't seen you play like that
since you were on the JV squad."
"I know that Brian," Brittany yelled back in anger. "You don't think
that I know I'm playing like shit. Johnny has been getting fucking
blasted out of the snake every point because my game's not up to par."
She took a deep breath to control herself before saying something she
would later regret.
"Two minutes!" Coach Wilson yelled out. "Brittany come over here
please." Coach was speaking in a much more calm voice than her captain,
but it was nonetheless intimidating.
"Is there something you want to tell me about?" he asked his star
player.
"No sir," she answered. looking him dead in the eye. "Brian and i
have already talked it over.
"All right then. Get out there and show these new guys how to play!"
Brittany readied her line by apologizing first, then yelling their
signature chant. Her entire line could feel the emotions of their captain
being lifted. The energy that usually puts out was back. However, they
were still down by five points with an eight-to-three score and the other
line was completely pumped as well. Brian and Curtis know how to keep
their line pumped up and ready to blow the faces off of whoever they are
facing.
"One minute!" Coach Wilson announced over his megaphone.
Gathering her team around for one last huddle before this upcoming
half, Brittany just let the energy flow harder. "ALRIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS!
GET YOUR FUCKING GAME UP. WE ARE WINNERS, THEY ARE NOT! GET OUT THERE AND
RAM IT DOWN THEIR FUCKING THROATS!" The rest of the line was trying to
get their composure ready for the ten second call, due to come anytime
soon.
Throughout the entire second half, Brittany and her lines played more
than just their game, they followed the captain's advise. They played
with a murderous rage the likes of which no one has ever seen. They
opened the flood gates and showed no mercy. In a regulation match, most
of them would have received a lot of major penalties, but Coach Wilson
just kept his smile on watching his star players get into this fight,
each bringing brass knuckles. Brittany managed to win by a final score of
fifteen-to-nine.
"Brittany please tell me you will keep that up all season," Coach
Wilson pleaded as the lines were coming off the field.
"No problem, coach," Brittany said smiling through her mask. Taking
it off, revealing her sweat-covered face and glowing white teeth, she
looked over to the bleachers again to find the man still sitting there.
While her teammates were padding her on the back, accidentally hitting
her welts, she couldn't help but feel that nameless fear wash over.
"Alright people," Coach Wilson announced after the team finished
putting their gear away, "take a few cool-down laps and get ready to
start the clean up. Once we're done out here we will be heading for the
weight room."
Brittany arrived home a little later than she expected. Not only was
she responsible for cleaning off the bunkers and the captain's meeting,
but she had to take the long way home. She could feel that person's
presence at every turn.
"How did practice go?" her mom asked as she entered the house.
"Pretty good actually," Brittany said smiling while dragging her gear
bag behind her. "We had a little scrimmage after the actual practice. We
mixed in some of the JV squad and my team won by a landslide." Brittany
continued bragging about her comeback as she loaded her practice clothes
and gear in the washer. She sat down in the middle of the living room and
started to clean the rest of her equipment. Once she had her clothes out
of the dryer, she took a shower and went to bed, completely exhausted.
Chapter Three: Diary Entries of A Sane Mad-Girl
August 15, 2154
Dearest Illitor,
It seems like just yesterday that the three of us left that hellhole.
The elation that constantly runs through my brain is beyond compare to be
rid of those walls. Inikye's music has improved greatly since that day.
My only regret is having to leave my beloved Sarah behind to rot in that
shallow grave. Never again will I see her smiling face. Never again will
I hear her laughter, nor will I ever her her sweet voice expressing her
love for me. Her death has been difficult to bear. I know, Illitor, you
and Inikye have missed her as well.
It's been a long time that we've had an actual roof over our heads. I
apologize from the bottom of my heart for that. I forgot that once I was
incarcerated, they took all of my belongings and that list included my
home. I discovered yesterday that an elderly couple with the last name
Tanner purchased it at a greatly reduced cost than my parents. Nice as
though they were, I couldn't bear the thought of living with them. I also
must apologize for dragging you into this homeless hell that the state
has wrought upon us. I know you need not nutrition to stay alive, but it
would be nice to be writing these words on a full stomach and while
sitting at a desk, or even whilst sitting on a chair for that matter. The
dark abyss in which we now dwell will have to do for now.
Come to think of it, I haven't eaten in five days. The fresh rain we
received yesterday brought me riddance of my nagging thirst, however, my
stomach still growls for sustenance. Inikye is resting right now. He had
a long day; he played his heart out in front of the book store today and
he did it very well. If we have another show like that I just might make
enough money to eat for the next week. So, please rest up my sweet
Inikye. I know not what the future will hold for the three of us, but I
do know that Sarah is watching my every move. Oh, I love her so much.
Sorry, darling, for I have disappointed you. Sorry for that Illitor, but
I had to give Sarah her due apology as well. I'm sure you won't mind.
That reminds me: a strange couple watched the show today. They didn't
speak, they didn't move and they didn't even give money. What they did do
was leave hurriedly after the show was over. I know I've seen the
black-haired girl from somewhere before, but my memories have yet again
betrayed me. The redhead is of little significance to me for she had a
look in her eye that did not sit well on my heart, but the raven-head had
a look that only one other has given me. I also saw her again later at
night. I was just sitting under a large oak tree just looking up at the
stars. I was kicked out of the party that was going on inside, but I
didn't want to come back here just yet. I think I sat there for about an
hour or so when she literally tripped over me. I though tit was humorous,
as did she apparently, but she did apologize for it. For the first time
in nearly a month, I felt like someone was trying to be nice to me. She
even sat down next to me and tried to talk. She is a nice girl named
Brittany. Our one- voice conversation was interrupted by that redhead,
who I found out mere moments before is her girlfriend. She is not the
sort that I would think a sweet girl like Brittany would be endeared to,
but I'm no judge of character. Even as I left with her face, and name,
still fresh in my thoughts I cannot place her to any of my memories. I
couldn't even recognize her scent. I know this will fester in my brain
until her face can be placed to that shaded memory.
Thank you for being my friend, Illitor. I love you too, don't forget.
Love,
Amanda
*************************************
August 16, 2154
Dearest Illitor
It's been one month to the day since my last conversation with you
while incarcerated in that dark place. I have to refamiliarize with what
it's like to not be beaten and raped on a daily basis. I had tat
recurring nightmare again last night. All of the years of being beaten,
raped and forced to watch the torture of "enemies of the state" have left
their scar on my brain. I can still hear their ear-piercing screams of
pain and innocence. I can still see their hooded faces, watching the
rivers blood run down their necks as their heads were systematically
drained. The smell of their rotting corpses, lying in piles along the
walls of the dungeons, is ever present in my nostrils. I think one most
horrific of them all was my first, as it was the bloodiest of them
all--at least as far as I remember it being. This is also the scenario
that plays in my nightmare, come to think of it. Watching this man's
teeth get cut out of his mouth by Cpl. Barnes' razor-sharp knife prying
from under his gumline. I don't think I will ever hear a scream of pain
like it for as long as I live. Thirty-two times I watched the red and
white fly from his oral cavity, as I do in my dream. I watched him get
electrocuted, beaten with Special Wands and sodomized by a broken ans
whittled broom handle. But what scared me the most was when he looked
right into my eyes. His eyes were not that of a broken man. No, they had
life left in them until they closed to never again reopen.
That vision is forever burned into my eyes and it makes my stomach
churn every time I recall it to the forefront of my mind. Speaking making
my stomach churn, Inikye's music made enough money today for me to get
something to eat today. This is the first time in nearly a week I was
able to get some food fresh from a grill. I didn't have to go digging in
a dumpster for food that will only make me vomit it back up later. Oh, it
was so delicious. That's not the only good news I have for today. While
walking around the town, on a full stomach, I found this run down house
that is due for demolition. According to the sign out front we still have
about a week until we need to find another place to live, but this will
certainly do for now. Yes, I'm very excited about this, Illitor, as you
should be too. it's the first time in a month that the three of us have
been indoors for a night. Inikye was so happy that he played one of his
favorite songs. We even had a familiar audience attend the little
celebration. It was that black-haired girl from yesterday. She didn't
stay long, but she did watch us for a little while. I think what caught
my attention the most was the fact that she was alone and a bit scared.
The redhead was not holding her arm like she was yesterday. I didn't want
anything to happen to her, so I decided to follow her as she retraced her
steps.
Eventually she made her way back to the high school for some kind of
practice. I tried to avoid any of the people that were also watching the
game so I stayed seated below, in the shadows. I saw a lot of people,
boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings and parents alike, cheering on those
playing, but I failed to see the redhead known as Kayla sitting amongst
them. I don't think anyone saw me seated there, until I saw her glance my
way. She had that same look of fear in her eyes when they settled upon
me. I could almost feel her skin rising when she looked at me. Illitor, I
didn't think I am a frightening person. I don't suppose you think I am.
Oh well. She seemed to come back to the game with all the anger in the
world because she absolutely blasted the other team away. This game is
very foreign to me, but I overheard one of the other people call it
X-Ball, a certain format of an even larger game known as paintball.
Apparently it's been played for nearly two hundred years and is even
classified as a professional sport, but all I saw was a bunch of people
shooting each other. However you slice it, a lot of people found it
interesting and it brought a big smile to Brittany's face, if only until
she saw me again.
Illitor, am I a scary person? Ever since she saw me yesterday she's
done nothing but be fearful of my presence, except for our little moment
under the oak tree. I think I'm starting to remember from where I'd seen
her before. Those piercing dark eyes of hers remind me of someone I once
knew back in elementary school. She was a grade behind me and it's been
almost eight years since then, but those eyes haven't changed. I never
got her name, but I remember seeing her in the hallways and at the
cafeteria tables. It's ironic that Sarah had the same eye color as this
Brittany person. Well, as Sarah always use to tell me, the future will
answer all of my questions. We shall see.
Love,
Amanda