Date: Mon, 31 May 2004 22:52:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: Kami Jordan <kamiloveskaren@yahoo.com>
Subject: Love and Devotion:  Chapter 1

*This story contains sexual situations between two underage girls and
various mentions of lesbian sex.  This won't be just some cheesy sex story
so look elsewhere if that's what you want.  No hetero sex will be described
in this story, it's completely lesbian friendly.  This story may be
downloaded for personal enjoyment, if you would like to use it on your own
website please send an E-mail to kamiloveskaren@yahoo.com asking my
permission.  Thank you.*

Hello everybody.  This is my first try at writing so any advice would be
really helpful and appreciated.  This is a true story, my story in fact,
I've lived an interesting life and I really think it's time I shared it.
Please E-mail me and tell me what you think.


Love and Devotion: Chapter 1


	I don't remember much about the very early years of my life, only
what people have told me.  When I was three years old I survived a car
crash that claimed both of my parents lives.  With no surviving relatives I
was sent to live in an orphanage that doubled as a catholic school for the
children who weren't adopted.  I was a small and sickly child with below
average intelligence so I was passed up by all the prospective parents for
five years, leaving me a sad, depressive eight year old girl.

	I was lonely, so damn lonely.  Whenever I wasn't near one of the
other girls I would be on the verge of tears.  I felt like every second I
wasn't touching her she would just get further and further away, that she
would leave me and I'd be all alone.  All of the other girls were really
nice to me about it, they wouldn't mind holding my hand or letting me have
my arm around their waist when she wasn't around.  We were like really
close sisters and I can honestly say I loved each and every one of them
like family.  I relied on their presence and their love as much as I relied
on the air I breathed.  Even though I was older then most of them, I both
looked like and was treated as a younger sister.  This is where I'll begin
my story.

	"Hey Kami, what's wrong sweetie?"  I felt the kind voice in my
heart and a comforting hand on my shoulder.

	"I..I..thought..weren't coming..back," I sobbed.  I felt the
familiar soft arms wrap around my tiny body, comforting my sobs away.  I
turned around and locked my arms around her... Karen.  She was ten years
old, tall, pretty, smart as could be, my total opposite.  I loved her more
then all the other girls combined, she not only comforted me like the other
girls, she also made me happy.  She was the only one that made me happy.

	"Awww, come on sweetie, let's get you into bed."  She picked me up
like she had so many other times and carried me to my, or should I say, our
bed.  She always slept with me, and it kept me from screaming at night so
the nuns didn't really mind.

	"You're probably sick of me, aren't you?  I'm such a crybaby all
the time."

	She crawled into the bed and held me tightly.  "No, I'm not sick of
you Kami, I love you, and I love that you care about me so much.  I mean, I
do love all the other girls, but not like I love you."  She started kissing
the back of my neck like she always did to make me feel better. I turned
around in the embrace so her kisses could find my face and my lips.  She
had been kissing me like this for a while now.  I didn't understanding why
she kissed me, or the feelings that came with it, I just knew that it made
me feel better.

	"I," kiss "love," kiss "you," kiss "too Karen."

	The door was flung open and our kisses stopped, it was kind of like
our little secret.

	"I knew I'd find you here Karen."  It was sister Julia, one of the
two well liked nuns out of the dozen that cared for us.  "Can I speak with
you for a moment child?  Do not worry Kamilyn, it should only take but a
minute."  She pulled away from our embrace, stood, and left the room with
sister Julia.

	This had happened so many times and it was starting to frustrate
me.  Karen would never tell me what happened so I thought Karen was getting
lectured because of me.  I couldn't take the mystery anymore so I followed
them down the hall to Julia's office.  I quieted my sobs as much as
possible so they wouldn't hear me and placed my ear against the door to
listen.

	I heard sister Julia take a deep breath.  "In a way I understand
why she doesn't go to the adoption ceremonies anymore, being passed over
for so many years is bound to harden the heart of even the strongest child.
But Karen, you've been with us for only two years and today marks the
twelfth time you turned down a family, this is starting to worry me."

	My breath caught in my throat.. she turned down all those chances
to be happy.. she abandoned that happiness.. for me.

	"Sister Julia, you know what would happen to her if I left, she
needs me more then I need those families.  And it really feels good to be
needed like that."

	"Please do not be mistaken dear child, it warms my heart to see
such love and devotion from one so young as yourself, but putting your life
on hold for so long isn't healthy, you may end up regretting your missed
opportunities later on."

	They were quiet for a long time, I was getting ready to leave just
in case they were finished talking.  But I'm so glad I didn't go, what I
heard next would change my life forever.

	"I... love her sister Julia, but not like I love you or the other
girls.  The only joy I've ever felt is when I hold her close to me... when
I kiss her.  To me, she's the most the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
and I don't ever want to leave her."

	Again, there was a drawn out silence.

	"You know how God views these actions child, do you not?"

	"With all respect to you sister Julia, I don't care what God
thinks.  Any God that can let all of our parents die," she began sobbing
along with her words.  "Any God that can ruin that sweet girls health by
stabbing her in the heart, and then take her parents away in the same
instant is no God I ever want to love!"

	I could hear Julia's chair scraping as she rose to comfort the
crying girl.  My hand went to my heart, to the scar that I had never dared
ask about.  The reason behind my bad health, the reason I was the way I
was.

	"I love her Julia, and I won't let anything take me away from her!"

	"Shhh, shhh, neither will I child, neither will I."

	I was crying so hard that I didn't notice myself drifting off to
sleep.


	I awoke with a start, nervous and scared.  It wasn't until I felt
the familiar warmth of Karen behind me that I was able to calm myself
enough to think.  At first I thought it had all been a dream, that none of
what I heard had actually been said.  But then I saw that I wasn't in our
bed, I wasn't even in the sleeping hall.

	"Oh, you're awake."  My head snapped around to see sister Julia,
sitting on a chair in front of a fireplace.  "I wasn't surprised when Karen
cried herself to sleep but to find you sleeping in the hall came as quite a
shock.  You're lucky I found you dear, you could have taken ill sleeping on
the cold floor."

	I never could control my tears when I felt I had did something
wrong, and this was no exception.  "I..I'm sorry sister Julia."

	"Aww, come here sweet child, I'm not mad at you."  I stumbled over
to her through my tears and she lifted me into her lap.  She cradled me
there until my crying stopped.  "I trust that you heard what young Karen
and I were speaking about."  I nodded.  "Did you understand it?"

	"Some of the things.  I think I know why I'm always sick now."
Showing the innocence of youth and a total lack of shame I pulled off my
night shirt and pointed at the scar over my heart.  "Is this why?"

	"The accident dear, the one that took your parents, it almost took
you as well.  A piece of metal had pierced you heart but with the grace of
God you survived and was brought here to live with us.  There is.. a hole
in your heart," I could see her struggling to find words that I would
understand, "because of it you can take ill easier then the other girls.
Do you understand now child?"

	I nodded and let her put my shirt back on.  "But I don't understand
what Karen said about how she loves me."

	"You love the others girls, right?"  I nodded.  "And do you love me
child?"  I nodded again.  "The love you feel is the love for family or the
people who care for you, but there is a different kind of love a person can
feel."

	"Like how mommys and daddys feel?"

	She smiled, "yes, that kind of love."

	My eyes widened, "Karen loves me like that.. but sister Mary says
it's evil for mommys to love mommys.  Karen isn't evil!"

	She smiled again.  "Can you keep a secret child?"  I nodded
excitedly, I had never seen sister Julia act like this.  "I think sister
Mary is wrong."

	"You mean you love mommys too!"

	She chuckled, "no dear I don't love.. mommys as you say.  Well, let
me ask you this, when Karen kisses you, how does it make you feel?"

	"Umm, it makes me feel better.  When I don't... feel good about
myself she kisses me and all that bad stuff kinda goes away."

	"In all my years I've never seen anyone as loving and devoted as
she is to you.  And after talking to you just now I can see that it is not
one sided.  You each make the other happy, I don't feel that that kind of
love can be evil."

	"I'm confused sister Julia."

	"It is late dear, get some rest now and we will talk more
tomorrow."  She carried me over to the bed and covered me up.

	"Goodnight sister Julia... and thank you."

	"Rest well child."

	Sleep came surprisingly easy despite all she had just given me to
think about.  But after all, I was snuggled up against Karen, the girl I
loved so very much.



Please E-mail me and tell me what you think so far or maybe give any advice
that you have, it would really mean a lot to me.  I'll write more as soon
as I can, sooner if I get some good feedback.  I had a really good time
writing this, it feels pretty good to dig up all these old memories.
Expect a lot more from me in the near future!