Note: This fiction is based on story and characters by Lewis Carrol.
No intent was made to take ownership of either the characters
or the story world.
ALEX'S ADVENTURES THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
by Cleo Kraft
Chapter One: Through the Glass
----------------------------
Alex strolled through the woods carrying only a bottle of water
and a spirit of excitement. The warm pine air filled his lungs and
renewed his appreciation for the wilderness.
On the spur of the moment, he decided to go off the trail and
wander where his feet would take him.
Bluejays darted through the trees and squirrels scampered
along the branches, alarmed at the presence of the intruder.
He crossed a little creek and walked up a sloping meadow
and into a shady alcove.
A little cottage sat nestled within the forest at the edge of
the meadow.
Alex walked up the steps of the wooden house and was about to
knock on the door when it opened on its own.
Inside he went.
The door closed behind him and latched firmly shut.
"What is this place?" he asked looking around the room.
The furniture was old fashioned, crafted out of oak and shaped
in intricate swirl patterns with maple leaves carved in
miniature all about.
The hearth was empty of firewood and a great mirror sat above
the mantle.
A cuckoo clock sat opposite the hearth. It was nearly five o'clock.
He set his bottle of water down on a coffee table and walked
over to the hearth.
Glancing in the mirror, Alex noticed that his reflection seemed
to have a double image in it somehow. Two faces in one stared back
at him.
"What's this then?" he asked staring closer. "Do my eyes deceive
me or is there a little girl staring back at me from behind this glass?"
Indeed his reflection was barely stronger than the image of
the girl who stood there on the other side gazing back at him in
wonderment.
He looked with more intent now and saw that there were other
images not completely normal to the expected reflection of this room.
The cuckoo clock in the mirror seemed to be upside down and
the furniture was arranged differently.
Alex walked over and brought a chair up to the hearth.
He stood on the chair and tapped on the mirror.
The girl tapped back in unison.
He pressed his hand on the smooth surface of the glass and felt
his whole arm slipping through as if he stuck his arm in quicksand.
"It's a portal of some sort," he mused to himself and climbed
up onto the mantle.
The little girl on the other side also climbed up and met him
there at the looking glass.
She was shorter than him and yet she seemed to mimic his every
move.
"Here goes nothing," he said and stepped through the mirror.
The first thing he noticed was his size.
He'd shrunk down in height a few feet or so.
The next thing he realized was he was wearing a dress, white
stockings, and little black flats.
Alex looked down upon himself and saw that he had somehow
become the little girl he had seen in the looking glass moments before.
"I'm a girl?" she asked in disbelief.
Little blonde braids lay cradled over her shoulders and she
turned in place on the mantle to face the mirror.
There on the other side was the image of the Alex that he knew
and grew up to expect to see when looking in mirrors but this image
was laughing and climbing down from the mantle on the other side.
Alex pushed her hands up to the mirror and tried to climb back
through but the mirror was solid now.
She started pounding upon the glass and the figure on the other
side laughed and walked out of the cottage.
"Wait! No! Come back! You can't leave me like this!" Alex cried.
It was no use. Somehow they had traded places. Indeed they even traded
worlds.
Alex climbed down from the mantle and looked around the room.
The cuckoo clock chimed "oook-oook" and a mouse scampered across
the floor after a black cat.
"What is this place?" Alex asked and walked out of the cottage.
She sat down on the steps of the little house and looked at
her little legs. She moved her feet back and forth and wriggled her
toes in them. Her little, black flats were shined to perfection and
she could see her own reflection on the surface of the shoes.
She clasped her small hands together and rubbed them over each
other nervously.
"Oh, what am I going to do?" she cried. "I'm not supposed to
be here. I'm not supposed to be a girl. Oh, what am I going to do?"
A white paw tapped her upon the shoulder and she turned about
to see a rabbit standing there.
He was standing up on his hind legs and wearing a smart,
red vest. The rabbit held an hourglass in one paw.
"You're late, my dear Alice," the rabbit scolded her. "The
Queen will not hear of this. Come along now. Off to the castle with
you, my dear. Off to the castle. You know you aren't supposed to be
near the looking glass house. The Queen forbids it. Now hurry along
my child. Sand is running low. Mustn't keep the Queen waiting."
The rabbit ran off down a trail nearby and left Alex sitting
there with a puzzled look on her face.
"Alice?" she said to herself. "My name is Alice?"
With a shrug she got up and walked off down the path after the
fidgety rabbit.
"Maybe the Queen knows why I'm here and why I'm stuck in this
little girls body," she reasoned as she walked along through the pink
woods.
An owl flew backwards through the air and vanished into the
trees.
"You'll be more than stuck, my dear, if you don't hurry along,"
the rabbit said up ahead of her on the trail.
"Wait for me!" she cried and skipped along.
Back in the looking glass house, a curtain parted in the upstairs
window and a wide grin appeared out of the darkness within.
"Another one for the training," said the teeth. "Another one
for my amusement."
The drapes shut and the wind howled with laughter.
01234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8
Note: This fiction is based on story and characters by Lewis Carrol.
No intent was made to take ownership of either the characters
or the story world.
ALEX'S ADVENTURES THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (part 2 of ?)
by Cleo Kraft
-----------
The rabbit was too fast for Alex/Alice. She watched as the
white rabbit vanished around the bend and left her behind.
She found a clearing and sat down on a log for a rest.
"You there," a voice cried out from above. "Little girl. What
are you doing in my garden?"
Alice looked up and saw a great caterpillar sitting atop a
great mushroom. The caterpillar puffed away on a cigar.
"Yes, you," the creature said blowing smoke down at her.
"Who are you?" she asked standing up. "And what are you doing
up there?"
"I am Monarch but that is of no concern to you. The real question
is who are you? You came from the glass house didn't you?" the creature
asked and said. "They never learn. It's always the same thing.
Did anyone invite you then or do you always sneak about in other
peoples houses and climb through the mirrors?"
"I found the house by accident," she said while another bit
of smoke streamed out at her.
"Makes no difference now does it?" the caterpillar asked and
moved around to peer down at her. "You're not sitting like
a girl. You've ruffled up your dress there. Quite unladylike. Who
are you really?"
"I'm Alex," she said coughing at an incoming smoke ring. "I'm
really a thirty year old man but I got trapped in this body
somehow."
"I knew it. Well, you're not the first of your kind, child.
I've seen this sort of thing happen before. Are you comfortable with
your age?" he asked.
Alex shook her head,"No. I don't mind being young but this is
too young for me. Plus I'm not so sure about being stuck as a girl.
Is there a way back? Can you help me?"
The caterpillar picked up a monocle from his vest pocket and
brought it up to his eye. He observed the little girl and how she
seemed quite nervous in her current state of existence.
"I can indeed help," Monarch said and gestured to the mushroom
he sat upon. "On either side of this mushroom is a quality of material
that will make you big or little. Take care not to eat too much or
you will become too big or too little. Feel free to take a couple
pieces with you on your journey. The only other thing I can do is
point you along the way. Keep heading down this trail until you find
another cottage. You might find additional help there. Good day, little
Alex, and good luck."
She picked a couple pieces of mushroom and stuffed them in her
blouse pockets. Then she waved goodbye to the caterpillar,"Thanks
Monarch."
The creature puffed away on his cigar and watched her walk away
down the trail.
___-----___
She paused for a moment on the trail.
"I think I'll try one of these mushroom pieces," she said to
herself and brought a bit of the spongy material up to her
mouth and ate some.
Immediately she started to grow.
Her hair became longer, her hips and chest became more defined,
and she grew.
When it was done, she stood there and looked down upon herself.
She saw not the body of a child but the mature body of a beautiful
young woman.
"Why I didn't turn into a giant at all," she exclaimed looking
down at her chest in wonder. "I've just grown up is all.
So this is what Monarch meant by the mushroom making a person big
or little. It's for growing older or younger."
Oddly enough, the dress she was wearing seemed to have transformed
with her so that it fit perfectly on her adult body. Every curve was
accentuated. Her little black flats turned into black high heeled shoes.
She wobbled in place trying to get used to the heels and then
decided she'd neither try walking in them now. After all,
she couldn't likely walk through the forest in them even if she
had known how to walk properly in heels, which she didn't.
Opting not to ruin her stockings, Alex decided to take them
off and go barefoot.
The pink trees loomed up above her still but she seemed
happier with her current form than the previous two. She felt
much more content to keep her current body than go back to being
either a little girl or a thirty year old man again. Everything
about her was designed to perfection and she enjoyed every bit
of her new existence. A smile escaped her mouth and she proceeded
to walk down the shady trail and into a bright, green meadow.
A cow walked along beside her and said,"Uh, pardon me, miss,
but you wouldn't happen to have seen a magic wand lying about the
grass nearby would you?"
Talking caterpillars were one thing but a talking cow?
Alex looked over at the cow and said,"A wand? Nope. Never saw
it."
"Oh, okay," the cow said. "I need it, you know. I accidentally
turned myself into a cow and I lost the wand. If you see it, please
let me know, okay?"
"Sure," Alex said and walked off out of the meadow and into
more forest.
The cow turned about and began munching on the grass.
"Strange place," Alex said to herself.
___-----___
A bright pink cottage sat nestled between the redwoods. A
small flower garden lined the cobblestone walkway up to the porch.
Surrounding the place was a white picket fence.
Alex walked up to the porch and knocked on the door.
The door opened and a large grin of teeth appeared just within
the hall.
A purple and red striped cat appeared around the smile.
"It certainly took you long enough Alice," the cat said and
beckoned her inside. "I've been waiting for you."
With a shrug, she walked inside and the cat shut the door.
* * *
(c) Copyright 1997: Cleo <chelonis@concentric.net>. If you want
to post this anywhere else, please ask the author for permission first.
Thank you
--------------- The discussion list for Transgender Fiction -------------------
for help write to: tgs-talk-request@nienor.in-berlin.de
to get human help: nostrumo@nienor.in-berlin.de
01234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Note: This fiction is based on story and characters by Lewis Carrol.
No intent was made to take ownership of either the characters
or the story world.
ALEX'S ADVENTURES THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (part 2 of ?)
by Cleo Kraft
-----------
The rabbit was too fast for Alex/Alice. She watched as the
white rabbit vanished around the bend and left her behind.
She found a clearing and sat down on a log for a rest.
"You there," a voice cried out from above. "Little girl. What
are you doing in my garden?"
Alice looked up and saw a great caterpillar sitting atop a
great mushroom. The caterpillar puffed away on a cigar.
"Yes, you," the creature said blowing smoke down at her.
"Who are you?" she asked looking up. "And what are you doing
up there?"
"I am Monarch but that is of no concern to you. The real question
is who are you? You came from the glass house didn't you?" the creature
asked and said. "They never learn. It's always the same thing.
Did anyone invite you then or do you always sneak about in other
peoples houses and climb through the mirrors?"
"I found the house by accident," she said while another bit
of smoke streamed out at her.
"Makes no difference now does it?" the caterpillar asked and
moved around to peer down at her. "You're not sitting like
a girl. You've ruffled up your dress there. Quite unladylike. Who
are you really?"
"I'm Alex," she said coughing at an incoming smoke ring. "I'm
really a thirty year old man but I got trapped in this body
somehow."
"I knew it. Well, you're not the first of your kind, child.
I've seen this sort of thing happen before. Are you comfortable with
your age?" he asked.
Alex shook her head,"No. I don't mind being young but this is
too young for me. Plus I'm not so sure about being stuck as a girl.
Is there a way back? Can you help me?"
The caterpillar picked up a monocle from his vest pocket and
brought it up to his eye. He observed the little girl and how she
seemed quite nervous in her current state of existence.
"I can indeed help," Monarch said and gestured to the mushroom
he sat upon. "On either side of this mushroom is a quality of material
that will make you big or little. Take care not to eat too much or
you will become too big or too little. Feel free to take a couple
pieces with you on your journey. The only other thing I can do is
point you along the way. Keep heading down this trail until you find
another cottage. You might find additional help there. Good day, little
Alex, and good luck."
She picked a couple pieces of mushroom and stuffed them in her
blouse pockets. Then she waved goodbye to the caterpillar,"Thanks
Monarch."
The creature puffed away on his cigar and watched her walk away
down the trail.
___-----___
She paused for a moment on the trail.
"I think I'll try one of these mushroom pieces," she said to
herself and brought a bit of the spongy material up to her
mouth and ate some.
Immediately she started to grow.
Her hair became longer, her hips and chest became more defined,
and she grew.
When it was done, she stood there and looked down upon herself.
She saw not the body of a child but the mature body of a beautiful
young woman.
"Why I didn't turn into a giant at all," she exclaimed looking
down at her chest in wonder. "I've just grown up is all.
So this is what Monarch meant by the mushroom making a person big
or little. It's for growing older or younger."
Oddly enough, the dress she was wearing seemed to have transformed
with her so that it fit perfectly on her adult body. Every curve was
accentuated. Her little black flats turned into black high heeled shoes.
She wobbled in place trying to get used to the heels and then
decided she'd neither try walking in them now. After all,
she couldn't likely walk through the forest in them even if she
had known how to walk properly in heels, which she didn't.
Opting not to ruin her stockings, Alex decided to take them
off and go barefoot.
The pink trees loomed up above her still but she seemed
happier with her current form than the previous two. She felt
much more content to keep her current body than go back to being
either a little girl or a thirty year old man again. Everything
about her was designed to perfection and she enjoyed every bit
of her new existence. A smile escaped her mouth and she proceeded
to walk down the shady trail and into a bright, green meadow.
A cow walked along beside her and said,"Uh, pardon me, miss,
but you wouldn't happen to have seen a magic wand lying about the
grass nearby would you?"
Talking caterpillars were one thing but a talking cow?
Alex looked over at the cow and said,"A wand? Nope. Never saw
it."
"Oh, okay," the cow said. "I need it, you know. I accidentally
turned myself into a cow and I lost the wand. If you see it, please
let me know, okay?"
"Sure," Alex said and walked off out of the meadow and into
more forest.
The cow turned about and began munching on the grass.
"Strange place," Alex said to herself.
___-----___
A bright pink cottage sat nestled between the redwoods. A
small flower garden lined the cobblestone walkway up to the porch.
Surrounding the place was a white picket fence.
Alex walked up to the porch and knocked on the door.
The door opened and a large grin of teeth appeared just within
the hall.
A purple and red striped cat appeared around the smile.
"It certainly took you long enough Alice," the cat said and
beckoned her inside. "I've been waiting for you."
With a shrug, she walked inside and the cat shut the door.
Here's the next chapter in this TG take off of
"Alice in Wonderland." I've also updated my page for the HTML version
that includes previous chapters.
http://www.concentric.net/~Chelonis/page2.html
- Cleo
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This fiction is based on story and characters by Lewis Carrol.
No intent was made to take ownership of either the characters
or the story world.
ALEX'S ADVENTURES THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (part 3 of ?)
Chapter Three: Mushroom Cookie
by Cleo Kraft
-----------
The cat led her into the living room.
"Have a seat Alice," the cat said gesturing to an antique sofa
nearby.
She sat down and the cat took a seat beside her.
"My name is Alex, not Alice," she told him with mild annoyance.
"Exactly, my dear," the cat said with a smile and his face
vanished,
leaving only the grin visible. "You want to tell me you are stuck
in the wrong body or something, right?"
"Well, sort of," she said looking down at herself with a blush.
"Actually, I sort of like this new body after all."
"I see," the cat said revealing its wide eyes which gazed at
Alex's face with interest. "Either way, I shall continue to call
you Alice because, quite frankly, you are her now, you see?"
"It's weird," she admitted smoothing her dress along her thighs.
"This whole place is weird. Is there a way back? I mean, I really
like this new body and all but I'd like to go back to where I came
from."
"And keep that body?" the cat suggested.
"Yeah, I want to keep this body," she admitted. "I didn't want
to at first but when I ate that mushroom and grew up into an adult,
well, I'd just assume stay this way now."
"Well, my dear," the cat said materializing completely. "You
need to find the house of mirrors if you are to take that body back
with you to where you came from."
"Like the house I came from?" she asked.
"Oh no," the cat said standing up and cartwheeling across the
room."The looking glass house only works if you can trick someone
on the other side to climb through the mirror, like the former Alice
did to you. The house of mirrors is different. There, you will find
mirrors that lead into many places. One mirror will take you back
as you are. The others are unpredictable."
"How will I know which mirror?" she asked crossing her legs
and uncrossing them nervously.
"That, my dear, you will have to find out for yourself," the
cat said floating up into the air and vanishing. "The mad hatter may
know a way. Take care, Alice, and good luck on your adventures."
With a shrug, she stood up and walked out of the cottage.
The air outside was scented with pine from the forest.
She walked barefoot back onto the main trail and continued her
trip into the woods.
The white rabbit dashed across the path before her.
"Hurry, hurry, or you'll be late," the rabbit cried scampering
along into the forest.
"He went off the trail," Alex mused and followed after the
strange creature.
She walked through some bushes and emerged upon a great picnic
table.
Three cows were wandering around the table in a slow circle.
"What's this?" Alex asked.
"Oh, Alice is back," said the cow wearing a large, green tophat.
"We're saved!" cried another cow.
"Quick, you there girl, grab the wand off the table and change
us back," the third cow said.
Alex looked at the messy table and saw only teacups, saucers,
a teapot, and scraps of food.
"Why, there isn't any wand on this table," she said as a cow
licked the back of her leg.
"I knew it," cursed one cow. "That mock turtle must be the culprit.
He suggested we test out the wand and now look what happened. We're
cows!"
"Hey, stop licking my leg," Alice complained and gently pushed
the cow away.
"She doesn't taste real," the cow said. "I think she's an imposter.
What did you do with our Alice?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing. She traded bodies with me is all," Alex said.
"Oh," a cow nearby said passing by.
"It happens," said the cow with the tophat.
"Poor thing," said the third.
"Why are you all walking in circles?" Alex asked.
"What else are cows for?" the tophat cow asked.
"Milk," Alex suggested.
"What a silly idea," the tophat cow exclaimed. "Who's been telling
you these tall tales, child? Milk from cows, indeed."
"Everyone knows milk comes from milkweeds," another cow added.
"Can you help me find the mad hatter?" Alex asked.
"I'm the mad hatter," the tophat cow announced. "Or I was, anyway,
until that blasted mock turtle turned me into a cow."
"Well, the cat said you could might be able to tell me how to
get to the house of mirrors," Alex said.
"House of mirrors?" the tophat cow asked. "Hmmmm. Seems like
I'd remember better if I weren't a cow. If you could get that wand
and change me back, I might be able to remember where the house of
beer is."
"House of mirrors," Alex corrected.
"Right, house of beer. Just what I told you," the tophat cow
said and munched on the tablecloth.
"Oh, it's useless," Alex said and tossed her hands up in the
air. "I'm leaving."
"Well, if you do find a wand, won't you please make a point
to come back and change us to normal?" the tophat cow asked.
"Sure," Alex said and walked off down another path.
She walked past some weeping willows that were busy crying rain
drops down into a babbling brook.
The path continued down some stone steps and Alex found a little
cave set in the face of a large, rocky cliff.
With a shrug and a whistle, she entered the cave.
A small fire burned in the center of the main cavern room.
An old crone stood there beside the fire moving her arms around
in circles as if she were stirring something.
"Hello there," Alex called out.
"Oh, Alice," the old lady said beaming with a wicked smile.
"My arch enemy. What brings you here into my trap?"
"Trap?" Alex asked looking around."What trap?"
"My net has got you, it's no use struggling child," the old
woman said cackling.
Alex looked around and said,"There's no net on me. What are you
talking about?"
"I've got you! I've got you!" the old witch said jumping up
and down in her black dress and then resuming her imaginary stirring
of the air.
"What are you doing waving your arms about the fire like that?"
Alex asked.
"I'm stirring my cauldron with this iron spoon," the witch said
with a wicked laugh. "I'm making a potion to turn you into a newt.
That'll teach you a lesson."
"But there is no cauldron or spoon and I'm not trapped in any
net," Alex informed the witch. "In fact, you're just imagining things."
The witch pretended to drop her spoon in shock.
"Darn it! Now see what you made me do? I've lost my stirring
spoon in the boiling cauldron," the witch said and walked towards
Alex. "I'm going to fix you for that. I'll learn you plenty. You just
wait."
Alex reached into her blouse pocket and pulled out a piece of
mushroom and offered it to the witch.
"Hungry?" Alice asked.
The witch grabbed the mushroom away and said,"Thanks, but bribing
me won't help you now, my dear. I'm still going to turn you into a
newt."
The old lady munched on the mushroom and smiled,"Not bad. Who
made this cookie? How'd you know I like chocolate?"
"It's not a cookie," Alex said and gave up on it. Obviously
the old woman was seeing things.
"You wouldn't happen to have any milkweed would you?" the
witch asked.
"Sorry," Alex said.
Suddenly the old woman got a glazed look in her eyes and she
began to shrink.
"Funniest thing I ever felt," the old woman said shrinking down
and getting younger. "Must be the additives. You've got to give me
the recipe for these cookies, my dear. I think you used too much salt
though . . ."
The transformation finished up and the witch stood there in
the body of an eight year old girl. Her dress shrunk with her and
changed to a sweet black dress with white ruffles on the edges. She
had long black hair and brown eyes and looked about the room with
a puzzled look on her face.
"Uuhh!" the witch-girl cried looking down upon herself. "I'm
a child again."
Alex laughed,"That oughta teach you to try turning me into a
newt."
"You couldn't have done this to me," the witch-girl argued looking
down at her shiny black flats. "I must be allergic to your cookies
or something. Yeah, you don't have any magic that can do this to me.
You're just Alice. I'm the one with magic. I'm just allergic to your
cooking, that's all. Now I'm really gonna turn you into a newt."
Alex stepped back as the little girl swung a punch at her.
"But first I'm gonna sock your lights out," the witch-girl cried
in anger. "Nobody's cooking is gonna turn me into a child. I won't
let you get away with it. I'm gonna sock your lights out!"
Alex turned and ran for the exit with the little girl chasing
after.
They ran off the trail and into the woods.
Within the dark corners of the cave a gleaming, white smile
emerged.
The cat laughed and crept through a secret passage into the
forest.
The game was on.
* * *
(c) Copyright 1997: Cleo <chelonis@concentric.net>. If you want
to post this anywhere else, please ask the author for permission first.
Thank you
--------------- The discussion list for Transgender Fiction -------------------
for help write to: tgs-talk-request@nienor.in-berlin.de
to get human help: nostrumo@nienor.in-berlin.de
Here's the next chapter in this TG take off of
"Alice in Wonderland." I've also updated my page for the HTML version
that includes previous chapters.
http://www.concentric.net/~Chelonis/page2.html
- Cleo
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This fiction is based on story and characters by Lewis Carrol.
No intent was made to take ownership of either the characters
or the story world.
ALEX'S ADVENTURES THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS (part 4 of ?)
Chapter Four: Hot Tub
by Cleo Kraft
-----------
Alex ran through some bushes and scrambled under the trees.
The little witch-girl followed close behind.
"Get away from me!" Alex cried but the witch-girl continued
the chase.
They came out of the woods and stood upon the banks of a great
rushing river.
Logs floated by and snapped into pieces on the boulders.
A little yellow inflateable raft rolled along past and the white
rabbit called out,"You're going to be late. You're going to be late
. . ."
The witch-girl stopped and stared at the passing rabbit.
"I think that squirrel was talking to you," the witch-girl said
to Alex.
"That's a rabbit," Alice corrected.
"Rabbit's don't ride in rafts," the witch-girl said in defense.
"So it's gotta be a squirrel."
Alex glared at the witch-girl and leaped into the river.
The water carried her swiftly past the rocks and spun her in
circles after the little yellow raft.
At one point, Alex actually passed up the raft but the raft
quickly resumed the lead.
The cold water started spiraling about and Alex realized she
was in a whirlpool.
"Hey rabbit," she called to the raft which spun down the whirlpool
in front of her. "Where does this go?"
"Oh me, oh my," said the rabbit ignoring her and looking at
his watch while the raft sunk down through the bottom of the whirlpool.
Alex was pulled underwater and then spat out of a funnel into
a large underground lake.
She was in a huge cavern. The ceiling was covered with
green, glowing moss that illuminated the lake eerily.
The rabbit paddled away hastily, leaving Alex behind.
"You there," someone called from behind. "Mind the tub.
We're coming through."
Three men in a tub floated towards Alex.
"Out of the way, child," cried the baker.
"Keep rowing," the called out the candlestick maker."And
for gods sake, put that knife away before you hurt someone."
The butcher fumbled with the knife and dropped it accidentally
into the lake.
"Pity," cried the baker.
"That was my best knife, too," the butcher complained.
The white tub floated towards Alex.
"You there, girl, what are you trying to do? Block passage across
the lake? Out of the way I said," the baker ordered waving a scrub
brush he'd been using as a paddle.
Alex tried swimming to one side but the rowers managed to turn
in the same direction.
"Okay, that did it. Pie please," the butcher called out.
The baker reached down into the tub and handed a pie to the
butcher.
"Fire one!" the candlestick maker said lighting the pie on fire
with a small candle.
The baker threw the pie at Alex and it missed, splashing into
the water with a hiss as the flame went out.
A barrel floated nearby with two short, chubby twins with the
words "Tweedle-Dee" and "Tweedle-Dum" scribbled on their shirts.
"What seems to be the problem?" Tweedle-Dee asked spinning his
propeller cap.
"This girl is holding up traffic," the baker called back.
"And we're throwing flaming pies at her," the butcher said taking
another pie and readying it for another shot.
"Oh, what kind?" Tweedle-Dum asked.
"Huh?" the butcher asked.
"What kind of pies exactly?" Tweedle-Dee asked.
The butcher looked puzzled and then whispered something to the
baker.
"Depends on what you mean," the baker said.
"Yeah," the butcher agreed.
"See, they're really not that good," the baker said.
"Yeah, otherwise why would a baker be out here in a tub?" the
candlestick maker added lighting another pie on fire.
Alex swam in place and watched the pie slowly burning in the
butchers hands while the conversation continued.
"You see, nobody really likes my pies," the baker said.
"Exactly," the candlestick maker agreed.
"So it doesn't really matter what type," the butcher added as
the pie melted all over his hands and flames exploded along his shirt
sleeve.
"So it depends on what you mean," the baker said readying another
pie.
"I mean: what type of pie is it?" Tweedle-Dum said rowing the
barrel in a circle around the tub.
"Yeah, what flavor?" Tweedle-Dee asked.
"Um . . . your shirt is on fire," Alex said to the baker.
"Shut up, girl," he said back to her. "Can't you see we're talking
here?"
"Yeah," the candlestick maker said lighting another pie on fire
and handing it to the butcher. "Stop interrupting. We're talking about
important matters here and don't need your opinion, you traffic
blocker."
"Yeah, lake hog," the baker added with arms crossed.
The butcher seemed uninterested that his other arm caught on
fire. Instead he nudged the baker and said,"Hey, get another pie
ready. I'm gonna really let her have it this time."
The little elbow nudge started the butchers shirt on fire.
"Now, where were we?" the butcher asked.
"You were talking about pie types," Alex reminded him.
"That does it, girl," the candlestick maker said throwing some
lit matches at Alex. "Stop interrupting."
"Oh, yes, pie types," the butcher said as flames crawled up
his arms and lit his vest on fire. "Well, they all should taste the
same. Namely, terrible."
"True, true," the baker agreed and his hat burst into an array
of orange fire.
"These are supposed to be what? Chocolate pies?" the butcher
asked the baker.
"Well, yes, normally they would be but they're a bit burnt
at the moment so you can't be too sure right now," the baker answered
breaking into a sweat. "It certainly is warm in this tub."
"Yes, it is warm, isn't it?" the butcher said and looked at
the candlestick maker accusingly. "Would you please stop lighting
those matches? You're raising the temperature in here."
The candlestick maker tossed some more lit matches out of the
tub at Alex and shrugged,"Sorry. I was busy teaching miss road block
a lesson."
Alex gave up and began swimming away from the tub.
"Look, she's leaving," Tweedle-Dee said pointing.
"Yeah, no more traffic jam," Tweedle-Dum agreed.
Alex heard the butcher and baker suddenly cry out in shouts
of horror as they finally realized their clothes were on fire.
"Stupid candlestick maker!" the butcher cried leaping out of
the tub. "It's all your fault."
"You and your matches," the baker agreed jumping into the lake
to extinguish the flames.
Alex swam to shore and sat on some rocks to dry off.
She felt a clammy hand tap her upon the shoulder.
"Hello there," a green face said to her. "I'm the mock turtle.
Aren't you in luck. You're going to be a cow today."
Alex glanced at the wand coming down towards her head and shrugged.
* * *
(c) Copyright 1997: Cleo <chelonis@concentric.net>. If you want
to post this anywhere else, please ask the author for permission first.
Thank you
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