Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 18:33:57 +0000
From: ChWi
Subject: Half 'n Half

I will never forget that night.  The magician was not very good, and the
audience was razzing him mercilessly.  Jill and I were sitting at a front
table, near the middle of the stage, and for some reason we bore the brunt
of the would-be prestidigitator's stares and glares, even though we were
about the only ones to clap for him at all.  Finally, after some
half-hearted card tricks and a lame rabbit-out-of-the-hat routine, he got to
his grand finale.

"May I have two volunteers from the audience?" he proclaimed theatrically.
"How about this lovely young couple in front of me?"  He was gesturing
straight at us.  We reluctantly got up and joined the charlatan on stage.

"Now, my friends, what are your names?"

"I'm Jack, and this is my wife Jill," I replied.

"Ah, Jack and Jill!  How appropriate!  Are you here to fetch a pail of
water?"  The audience groaned' they wanted this to be over with as much as
Jill and I did.

"Well, do you know what we are going to do?  We are going to recreate my
most famous trick--sawing a lady in half.  But we are also going to add a
little something special--we are going to saw a man in half, as well.
Please, follow my lovely assistants."

The young women led us to a pair of boxes and had us lie down inside of
them.  The covers were closed and fastened.  I won't bore you with the next
few minutes of mumbo-jumbo; suffice it to say that the magician,
Half'n'Half, had our bodies "sawed in half" and separated.  Here's where it
got weird.

"Now, to put the pieces back together again!  But, how about, for a little
fun, we put them together wrong?  How does that sound to you?"  He finally
got a little scattered applause from the audience; hoping to see, no doubt,
something, anything, different.

When we went up on stage, we had been dressed rather casually.  Jill was
wearing a pants suit, in black, with the pants rather snug against her
shapely butt, and a pair of two-inch heel, open-toe sandals, with
ankle-length see-through hose socks.  I had on a polo shirt, cords and
loafers with dark socks.

As his assistants put us together again, they pushed Jill's "bottom half"
against me and my "bottom half" against her.  You could see our feet
sticking out the end of the boxes; Jill's heels and my loafers.  Jill's
heels seemed to be at the end of my body.  We wiggled our feet as
instructed, and the audience tittered.  We were released to some more
scattered applause; as we stood up, there were startled gasps from the
crowd.  I was wearing Jill's snug black slacks and high heels; she was
sporting my cords and loafers!  There was a pause, then long, sustained
applause mingled with laughter at our predicament!  Bewildered, we stumbled
back to our table when Half'n'Half dismissed us, me tottering just a bit in
the high heels.  When we sat down, a waiter handed us a note instructing us
to see Half'n'Half backstage in ten minutes.

While we waited, we finished our drinks in silence.  I sat with my legs
crossed, knee over knee, unconsciously imitating Jill; she had her legs
spread comfortably apart, just the way that I would have sat.

When we saw Half'n'Half, he was cleaning off his makeup.  He got right to
the point.

"You two were nice to me tonight; that's why I chose you," he began.  "You
have been given a great gift.  To reverse the gift, you must solve this
riddle:  reverse your shoes.  Now go, my children, and enjoy what I have
done for you!"

More puzzled than ever, we left his dressing room and headed for our car.  I
opened the door for Jill, and she stepped in, placing her left leg in the
car and following with her torso, just as a man would.  When I got in, I sat
down and carefully keeping my legs together, spun them into the car
together.  I found the seat needed a touch of adjustment, and that driving
with high heels on can be trickier than it looks.

We talked about it on the ride home; we were both convinced that the
magician was a nut, and that when we got home and got undressed, everything
would be as it should.  I ignored, for the moment, the fact that even with
two inch heels on, I was now no taller than Jill, and also that somehow, my
toenails were polished the same bright red color that Jill's were.

We arrived home and pulled into the garage, then got out of the car and went
into the house.  I was feeling pressure in my bladder, so I headed for our
bedroom.  That was strange; usually it was Jill who had to relieve herself
as soon as we got home.  I went into the bathroom off our bedroom and
fumbled with Jill's slacks, trying to find the zipper.

"Jill!"  I called out.  "How do you..."

"The zipper's on the side!" she replied.  "The left side."

"Thanks."  I found it and the snap; I unfastened and unzipped the slacks,
pulled them down, and stopped.  Underneath were Jill's panties; there was no
manly bulge in the front.  I thought about that for a moment, then asked
Jill to come in.

"What's the matt..." she started, then stopped when she saw my panties and
my smooth crotch.  "Oh, my," she said, then started to unbuckle and unzip my
cords from her own waist.  When they had dropped to her knees, I saw clearly
that she was wearing my briefs, and that they bulged in front as if Jill had
a penis and testicles.

"Jack, take off your shoes and remove those slacks," Jill commanded, while
she did the same.  Then she had us both bare our feet totally, and stand
side-by-side and compare them.  There was no doubt whatsoever about it--her
feet were much bigger than mine, her toes had some dark hairs on them, and
my toenails were polished.  We next compared legs--hers were quite hairy and
muscular, while mine were smooth shaven and slim, even sexy.  I was quite
convinced that the feet and legs attached to Jill had been mine earlier that
evening, and that the lower body I now sported had been my wife's only a
short time before.

Jill took a deep breath, then pulled out the waistband of her underpants, my
briefs, if you will, and peeked inside.  She released the band, looked away,
then, seconds later, as if drawn against her will, looked inside the briefs
again.  Suddenly, she yanked them down her legs and stepped out of them in
one quick motion.  Her penis--(from this point forward, anything attached to
Jill is "her" or "hers"; anything attached to me is "mine"; if I do not
relate this tale in this matter, I shall go mad--madder than I already am,
that is)--was exposed.  It was not yet erect, thank heaven; but it was
starting to thicken, a reaction I knew very well.  Without further ado, I
lowered my panties and stared at my pussy.  Jill keeps her pubic hair
well-trimmed, so I had no trouble seeing, even from that unaccustomed angle.
  The pubic hair was familiar looking; so was the twat.  SHIT!!!  How the
hell could I have a twat, a cunt, a box, a pussy?  I was a man, dammit!

Jill saw my anger, and acted quickly to calm me down.  "Remember what that
magician said, honey.  'To reverse the gift, you must solve this riddle:
reverse your shoes.  Now go, my children, and enjoy what I have done for
you!'  That means this is not permanent.  All we have to do is figure out
his riddle, and we can be back to normal again."

I immediately calmed down; I saw that Jill was correct, and that I was being
foolish.  First things first; I still had to pee.  I kicked off the panties
and stood in front of the toilet, fumbling at my crotch.

"Ahem!"  Jill cleared her throat loudly at me.  "Forgetting already, are
we?"

"Forgetting what?" I said, even as I remembered.

"You're a squatter, not a squirter anymore," she replied.  "So squat."

I sat down, looked at her perplexed, and said, "Now what?"

"Spread your legs apart a little, then just go," Jill replied.

I exhaled slowly, tried to relax; nothing was coming out, even though my
bladder felt ready to burst.  I shut my eyes and pretended I still had Old
Faithful, and was sitting because I had to take a dump as well.  That did
the trick, and I began pissing a steady stream into the toilet.  When I
finished, I wiped as Jill instructed me, stood up, and gestured at the
toilet.

"No, thanks, I can hold it," Jill replied.

"I'm sure you can, but now seems like as good a time as any for some
instruction on my part," I answered.

Jill nodded glumly; she apparently wasn't any happier with this trade than I
was.  She finished removing her jockey shorts and stepped up to the bowl.

"Don't forget to raise the seat," I teased, and she grinned at me.

She lifted the seat, then stood there holding her dick and looking baffled.
"Well, Master Yoda, now what?"  she asked.

"Aim it at the toilet and, when you're ready, start spraying.  You know,
just go," I replied.

Several seconds went by, then suddenly her expression changed from one of
concentration to one of relief; her spray started, and pee was pouring from
her penis straight toward the bowl.  She started to turn toward me, with a
grin, but I hastened to warn her to keep her aim at the toilet.  She did,
and soon finished her job.

"What next?" she asked, still holding her fire hose.

"Shake it a couple of times, then you're done"

She did so, then grinned impishly and shook it some more.  Her dick grew a
little thicker again.  "Hence the expression, 'Shake it more than twice and
you're playing with it', huh?"  she grinned.

"You got it.  Now stop that before you go too far and start something you're
not ready to finish."

"To boldly go where no woman has gone before?"

"Something like that.  Now we gotta figure things out."  As I said this, I
was heading for the bedroom.  I hung my slacks over a hanger, while Jill did
the same for the cords.

"What's to figure out?" Jill asked.  "Besides the riddle, I mean."

"That's just it.  It might take us a while to solve, and until then, we're
stuck like this."

"Well, I can't think of anybody else I'd rather be attached to," Jill said,
coming over to me and giving me a hug.  I returned the embrace, then
shuddered when I felt her new genitalia start to stiffen in earnest.

"Be careful with that thing, it could go off at any moment," I warned her.

She giggled, looking down at herself.  "Is that what you call a semi?"

"Yes.  And it can go from semi to completely awfully quickly, if you're not
careful."

Jill removed her top and bra and reclined on the bed, naked.  Her breasts
were firm and ripe, her nipples erect; and her cock was now at about 3/4
mast.  I removed my own shirt, more for something to do than anything else,
and felt my new pussy moisten at the sight of Jill's "manhood" stiffening
up.  I lay down next to Jill, and a minute later her hand found my thigh,
stroking lightly, and then worked its way up to my snatch.  I gasped, not
believing how good it felt.  My pussy was warming and growing moist; Jill's
expert fingers teased and pleased my clit, making it stand up, puffed up my
lips, and generally drove me crazy with lust.  A small corner of my mind was
warning me that 'fair is fair', and so I glanced over at her rod.  It was
now fully erect, and her playing with me had caused it to throb with trapped
blood.  I hesitantly at first took it in my hand, gently stroking it, as if
it were still attached to my body.  As I stroked up and down, Jill gasped
and bucked her hips.  I knew that this particular penis liked it fast but
loved it slow: I took it very slow.  Jill's nipples were popping; I twisted
around so that I could use my free hand on her nips while still stroking her
rod, while she kept pleasing my pussy, finally thrusting a finger and then
two inside of me.  Suddenly her body tensed up; and as I kept stroking her,
she shot her load--her first load ever--up into the air and all over my
hand.  She kept finger fucking me, never missing a beat, until I creamed her
fingers but good.  I squeezed my legs, caressing her trapped hand, and
finally sighed in pleasure as I released her.  I finished milking her cock,
then grabbed a few tissues and cleaned up her jism.  I was very delicate, as
I knew her dick would be quite sensitive immediately after cumming.  She
just looked at me.

"That was incredible!" she said.  "I never felt anything like it.  Just kept
getting better and better until bam!  Fireworks!"

"I know what you mean," I replied.  "My toes are still curling.  You give
great hand."

"Thank you!  So do you."

As we prepared for bed, it became evident that our usual nighttime attire
just would not work.  I usually wore boxers, while Jill would don a short
nightie with matching panties.  My boxers did not fit me, and her panties
were looking awfully crammed when Jill stuffed her package of man-meat in
there.  After a brief discussion, we traded undies--me putting on the
panties, Jill donning the boxer shorts.  She left on her filmy nightie, and
it looked strange, to say the least, with the boxers; but probably no
stranger than I looked with my manly upper body and torso leading into her
translucent panties. Embarrassingly enough, I could see my bush through them
quite clearly.

**************************

Next morning, I awoke without my normal morning woody.  It took me a few
minutes to orient and remember the events of the previous night.  I glanced
over at Jill, and saw that she had a piss hardon.  Her brand new johnson was
sticking out of the boxers, and the mere sight of it made my pussy water.
Without really thinking about it, I began to rub myself down there.  The
longer I stared at it, the harder it seemed to get.  I came to a decision.
I pulled off the panties and stuck a finger in my slit to draw out some more
moisture, making sure I was good and ready.  Then I reached over into the
nightstand and got a condom.  I opened the foil package, took out the
condom, and slowly rolled it over Jill's dick.  Now that it was properly
dressed, I knelt  straddling her hips and eased myself up until her pole was
pointing straight at my cunt.  I spread my lips open with one hand and took
her tool in the other and gently lowered myself onto her rod.  As I achieved
maximum insertion depth, I glanced at her face and saw her eyes snap open in
surprise.  I'm sure she had the same momentary disorientation that I had
experienced, with one addition--she awoke to find her husband lowering
himself onto her hard cock!  As I began to buck up and down on her meat, I
felt myself get slicker and slicker, felt my outer pussy lips getting
plumper and plumper, and also noted that my little clitty had popped out of
its hiding place, sticking up like, well, like a miniature penis.  Jill was
becoming fully awake now, and her hips were pushing upwards, driving her
cock deeper into my pussy.  I located and squeezed my cunt muscles for all I
was worth.  Soon Jill tensed up; she bit down on her lower lip and her
rhythm changed.  She shot her load into me (well, actually, into the condom)
just as I started to cum.  As I collapsed onto her, she kissed me quickly
and thanked me for the wake up call.

We got up and showered together; soon we had to concentrate on not playing
with each other too much, as the hot water was beginning to run out.  Then
we got dressed.  We both put on jeans--Jill wore a pair of mine, over a pair
of men's briefs she had bought me one day, and I put on her jeans, over a
pair of her panties.  I pulled on a longish sweatshirt to help cover my
snug, curvy butt.

Jill decided that, while she could get away with wearing any of my
clothes--unisex being acceptable for women--I would need some more "manly"
feminine slacks to get by.  So we headed for the mall to make a few
purchases.

While we were at the mall, Jill brought me to her beauty salon.  Her friend
Debbie worked there.  She took us into a back room, where Jill explained
what had happened to us.

"Oh, I get it," Debbie laughed, "you want me to wax him instead of you this
time?  That's kinky enough.  You got it, Jill."

I sighed.  Obviously I was going to have to disrobe either way, so I pulled
down my woman's jeans and panties quickly.  Debbie gaped.

"Jill, hun, I hate to be the one to tell ya, but he's a she!  I never knew
that about Jack!"

Jill dropped her men's jeans and jockey shorts.  Debbie gaped again.

"Holy shit, what's goin' on here?"  Debbie demanded.

"I just told you," Jill patiently explained.

"But...but I thought you were just yanking my chain.  You weren't, were you?
  That thing of yours--it really work?" Debbie asked.

Jill nodded.  "If we're not careful, I'll have a full-blown hard-on soon."

"Cool!  I'd love to see that!  Say, you want your wiener waxed, Jill?  You
could use it--the shaft's a little hairy."

"You know, you're right about that.  The little hairs get stuck when I use a
condom," Jill replied.

"When you use a..." Debbie's eyes got very wide.  "You mean you and he--"

I nodded.  "Yep."

"So I'll take your best wax job--on the shaft only.  Don't get exotic; it's
only a loaner.  Just 'til we figure out how to trade back."

Soon I found myself on a table, legs spread wide, while Debbie spread hot
wax on my twat.  She pulled it off quickly and expertly; it still stung.
Next it was Jill's turn.  Her shaft got hard as Debbie first trimmed her
pubic hair back and then had to handle her johnson for the waxing.  Debbie
grinned as Jill yelped when the wax was yanked off her rod.  It seems it
hurt more to have a penis waxed than a snatch.  Interesting.  Also,
interesting was the way her shaft looked longer and thicker after the trim
and waxing.  I could feel myself lubing again.  Debbie glanced over at me.

"Do I smell pussy juice?" she teased.

"It seems to appreciate your artwork," I bantered back.

Then it was time to have my pedicure.  I felt ridiculous, with cotton balls
stuffed between my toes, and Debbie filing, shaping and painting, but what's
a fellow to do?