Date: Tue, 4 Feb 1997 17:30:06 -0800 (PST)
From: Bill Hart <B_HART@macsch.com>
Subject: SRU: Replacement Wanted (1/2)


Spells 'R Us: Replacement Wanted
Part 1 of 2
by
Bill Hart

It was a quiet night at the bar.

I was sitting by myself at a table in the back near the restrooms, when 
he entered the bar.  I don't as a rule notice other guys, but he was
different.  I'd seen his face on the evening news.

It seems someone murdered his wife.  The police had wanted to question
him about it, but he'd run like a scared rabbit.  Now they wanted him,
not just for questioning, but for the actual murder.  According to the
statements that had made in the media, he'd told his neighbors he didn't
commit the crime.  But that made absolutely no difference to me.  I 
could care less whether he was guilty or innocent.  

When I saw him, I knew he was the one I had been looking you.  I had a 
little proposition for him.  No, it wasn't that kind of proposition.  I 
just figured that I could help him with his problem and he could help 
me with a little problem of my own in return.  How fortunate for both 
of us that he and I had just happened to pick tonight for a trip to the 
same bar.

"Hey, friend." I said to him.  "Let me buy you a drink."
 
"You ain't no friend of mine." he growled.  "I got no idea who you are,
but, you know, a drink sure would hit the spot right now."  He pulled 
out a chair and sat down.

"Get my friend a drink." I told the waitress as she came to table.

"What'll it be." she asked.

"Beer.  Draft.  None of that light piss either."

She wrote something done on her pad, then hurried over to the bar.  In 
a moment, she'd returned with what must have been a quart mug of draft.  
She set it down on the table, then turned to me, "That'll be five bucks."

After I paid her, she sauntered away in the general direction of the 
bar.  Both he and I stared after her, leering at the remarkable sway of 
her tight ass.

"Well.  What do you want?" he asked bluntly.

"I want to help you." I told him.  "And in return, I'd like you to do 
me a little favor."

He laughed.  "What makes you think I need any help."

"I don't think you need help, I know it.  You're Frank Morgan, aren't 
you?  The police are scouring the city looking for you.  Something about 
your wife's murder, I think."

"I didn't kill Marilyn." he replied.

"Didn't say you did.  Besides, it doesn't make any difference to me, 
but you shouldn't have run.  The police equate running with an admission
of guilt and you can bet that the DA's office will view it exactly the 
same.  You might get off, if you can hire a high-priced lawyer.  I've 
heard the stories about the 'blindness' of justice where the rich and
famous are concerned.  But that won't affect you, Frank.  You're neither
rich nor famous.  But I can help you, right now, if you'll let me."

"Bull!  What do you think you can do?"

"I'm a wizard, Frank." I tell him, certain that he won't believe me.  
Nobody usually does at first and he's no exception.  "I can alter your 
appearance.  I can remold you, make you look completely different - make
you look like someone not being sought by a police dragnet."

"Yeah, right." he replies in obvious disbelief.  "And what do you want
out of the deal?  My immortal soul?"

"Geez, Frank, if I had a dollar for every guy who thought I was after 
his soul, I'd be rich and retired and living in a condo in Palm Springs.
I'm a wizard, not the devil.  I don't do souls.  But I do want you to
something for me.  Nothing in life is free, and what I want from you is 
quite simple.  I want you to kill my wife."

"No fucking way.  I just told you I'm no killer." he said me.  "Besides,
if you're such a big shot wizard, why don't you bump her off, yourself."

"Oh, I'd like too.  But I'm no big shot wizard.  Not even all that 
close.  Probably more like a journeyman.  On the other hand, my wife - 
she _is_ a big shot witch.

"And while I guess I have sufficient magical power to kill her, I don't 
believe I have the kind of power necessary to cover it up.  Not 
completely.  With my luck, I'd probably leave a trail pointed straight 
back at me that would be so wide that a blind man could follow it on a 
moonless night.

"And if I tried anything physical against her, you'd probably find me in 
that pond across the street, happily munching on flies and croaking out
from my lily pad.  No friend, my hands are tied."

Just then, dozens of police cars arrive.  I knew I could count on the 
waitress to blow the whistle, especially since I'd given her a mental 
suggestion to the call the police when I'd paid for Frank's beer. "

"Do we have a deal?" I ask.

"It doesn't look like I have any choice."

"Yes, or no?"

"Yes.  We have a deal."

"Very good." I tell him.  From my pocket, I pull out the mystic amulet 
that I'd purchased only this morning in preparation for this meeting.  
Following the instructions that the old man had given me, I handed it
to Frank.  "Put it on." 

Mere moments after donning it, the police, weapons drawn, enter the bar.

"Don't anybody move." said one.

I froze.

Frank slowly raised his hands.

"This isn't Frank Morgan." said the disappointed officer who'd slowly 
walked over to our table, while keeping the sawed-off shotgun trained 
on Frank's skull.

"I'm very sorry," says the officer, who appeared to be in charge.  "We 
had this anonymous tip that Frank Morgan, the accused wife murderer, 
was here in the bar."  He glared in the direction of the waitress. 
"Obviously, someone was mistaken.  I'm sorry for the mistake, and I'm
sorry if we caused you any grief."

"No problem." I told him with a grin.

* * * * *

"Damn.  I can't believe those cops didn't recognize me back at the bar."
said Frank, as we pull up on the driveway of my home.  "And what about 
that waitress.  I'll swear she kept coming on to me after they left.  
And I think you're wrong.  I don't think she called the cops.  I don't 
think she even noticed me before I put on your amulet."

"It's all appearances, my friend.  There's a full-length mirror in my 
wife's room.  When we go inside, why don't you give yourself a once
over.  You might be surprised by what you see.  Tiffany, that's my wife,
won't mind.  In fact, she's probably not home yet."

Once inside, I point him towards her door.  "It's right in there." 

Shortly after he enters, I hear him gasp.  "Oh, my god.  No wonder they
wonder they didn't recognize me.  No wonder that waitress came on to me."

No wonder, indeed, I think.  

He looks like a guy who'd be right at home in the pages of my wife's 
_Playgirl_ magazine.  She hides it under her mattress, thinking I know 
nothing about it.  He has blonde hair, with rippling muscles.  My wife 
will probably think him a god.  He could easily fit the profile of one 
of those stereotypical beach hunks in the movies - you know the type -
the ones that always got the girls.  That's right - girls - plural.

I knew he was just perfect for my plan.

As Frank continues to admire himself in the mirror, I hear the door 
open, then close.  Being preoccupied with himself, I doubt Frank heard 
anything.

Tiffany's home.

Now, some of you might think I don't like my wife.  You want to know
something.  You're wrong.  I really love Tiff.

She has silky brunette hair that falls to her shoulders and gorgeous
green eyes.  Her figure would make a sailor drool with lust.  Sometimes
I think her tits are too small, but for the most part I see her set of 
C-cups as just about perfect.

Then, you might wonder, why I want Frank to kill her.

Probably for all the same reasons I love her.  

For all those great, I least I think they're great, attributes, she's
constantly out to deny her femininity.  She wears loose-fitting clothes 
and ties her hair in a bun.  I think it's hideous and I hate it.  Just 
once I'd like to see her poured into pair of spandex tights with a 
matching form-fitting halter.  Or maybe a dress with a neckline that
plunges past her navel.  I can picture her in a string bikini.  But 
none of that will ever happen.

There are times when I think she would have been happier being a man - 
although I think being a young boy would probably be even more acceptable
to her.  

But someone used to say "there are exceptions to every rule."  And Tiff
has one extraordinary exception to the denial of her femininity.  It's 
called sex.  She's virtually insatiable, almost as if she were in a
constant state of heat.  I can't count how many times she has brought
me to the brink of total exhaustion in our lovemaking.  This saving 
grace makes it almost possible to forgive her never-ending attempts to 
masculinize herself.  After she's gone. I'm really going to miss having 
sex with her.

When Tiffany enters her room, she is momentarily surprised to find Frank
preening in front of her mirror.  "And just who is this handsome stud, 
Wilyam?" she asks sexily.  "Did you bring here just for me?"

"Damn, Tiff, you know I hate it when you call me Wilyam." I replied.
"And, of course, I brought Frank home for you, lover."

When I look towards Frank, I can see he is clearly startled.  I can 
sense him thinking "Aren't I supposed to kill her?"  He is surprised 
when Tiffany tears away his shirt.  He is more surprised when she 
unbuckles, then unzips his pants.  But somehow, I think his biggest 
surprise of the evening comes when I pull the nine-millimeter from my 
coat pocket, point it at his bared chest, and pull the trigger.

"Why did you do that?" screamed Tiffany angrily.  "We were just getting 
started."

"I know, Tiff." I reply solemnly.  "But now, before you can play with 
your new toy, you'll have to fix him up first."
 
As Tiffany kneels down beside Frank, she picks up his hand, feeling at
his wrist for a pulse.  "I won't have to hurt you too badly, Wilyam." 
she says icily.  "His pulse is weak, but he's still alive.  A simple 
healing spell should suffice."

She stands and begins the casting of the healing spell.  I can feel the
power build, but I can also sense a wrongness.  I don't think Tiffany 
senses anything out of the ordinary, but maybe that's because I'm 
expecting something different.  As she finishes reciting, there is a 
brilliant flash of light.  Tiffany is thrown across the room and lands 
on her bed.

And Frank?

He still lies on the floor where he fell after I shot him.  His wound 
is still unhealed.  It continues to bleed profusely.

I look across the room, to the bed where Tiffany lays.  She appears to
be comfortably and quite restfully asleep.

I return my gaze to Frank and look down at his now puzzled face.  
Simply, he asks the final question of his life "Why, Wilyam?"

* * * * *

Nearly an hour passes before I hear Tiffany start to stir.  When I look 
in on her, she's lying quietly on the bed staring up at the ceiling.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

She stares at me angrily, then explodes, "Stay away from me you god damn
fucking asshole!"

"Is something bothering you?"

"What?  You shoot me in the chest and you have the fucking gall to ask
me if something's bothering me.  Get your ass out of here!"

"I didn't shoot you."

"The hell you didn't.  I ought to know if someone shoots me.  It was 
right here."  As her hand comes up to seek out the wound, a look of 
total surprise crosses her face, when she can't find it.  That look
fades into total disbelief as her other hand, as if to confirm, probes
at her chest.  "Holy fuck!  I've got tits!" she exclaimed.

"Of course you do." I tell her.  "You've always had tits.  Or at least
Tiffany's body has.  I'd guess it will take you awhile to get used to 
having them, Frank.  But you will adjust."

"Adjust???"

The angry young woman jumps from the bed and storms to the mirror.

It is painful to watch Tiffany's body move like a truck driver.  Just as
painful is the expression of disgust on her face as stands in a very 
masculine pose and stares at her reflection in the mirror.

"This," gesturing at her reflected image, "wasn't in the fucking deal."

"Of course it was.  I promised you a body that wasn't being sought in
a police dragnet.  I never promised you a _male_ body, and the police
are definitely not looking for my Tiffany."

"But the guy you changed me into?  I thought..."

"I know what you thought, and I played into it.  But it was necessary 
to make you attractive to my wife, for my plan to have any chance of 
success."

"But I'm still confused.  I thought you wanted me to kill your wife."

"And, in a way, that's exactly what you did.  When your former body 
died with Tiff's mind, or soul if you prefer, in control, she died.  
And since I couldn't have done any of this without you, you, in effect, 
killed her."

"But what happened?"  She looked down at her former body stretched out
on the floor.  "The amulet?" she queried.  "It must have something to
do with what's going on."

"Very astute, my dear.  But it has done more than something, it's
responsible for just about everything."

"But it change my appearance back at the bar."

"Actually, it didn't.  I changed your appearance just moments before
you slipped the amulet over your neck.  The amulet had nothing to do
with your transformation."

"But..."

"You needed to be wearing it.  I'd hoped you'd think wearing it was tied
to your change and that you needed to wear it.  I hope you'll forgive 
my little subterfuge."

"What was it supposed to do?"

"According to my old friend, who runs a small magic shoppe in the mall,
the effect is quite simple, my dear.  The amulet takes its wearer's
consciousness and exchanges it with any person casting any spell on its 
wearer.  Its a purely defensive device designed solely designed to keep
the wearer alive.  When I shot you, or rather your old male body, Tiff 
cast a healing spell on you.  Voila.  And the rest, so to speak, is 
history."

I walk slowly over to Frank's old male (or should that be just recently
transformed male) body.  Reaching down, I remove the amulet.  Nothing 
happens.  I make a quick pass with my hand over the body.  I hear her 
gasp, as the body regains Frank's original form.

"You didn't think I'd leave _him_ that way, did you?  After all, killing
Frank Morgan, an on-the-run accused wife killer, isn't likely to get
me into any trouble with the authorities."

"But this isn't going to work.  I may look like your wife, but I can't
act like your wife.  I won't fool anyone into thinking I'm a woman, let
alone your wife."

I hadn't thought about that.  But its true.  She looks like Tiff, but
as I look at her standing in front of the mirror, I realize that she
holds herself like a man and has masculine mannerisms.  No one will
think she's a woman.

"Why don't we give it a week." I tell her.  "At the end of a week, if
you want, I'll change you into someone else."

"Okay, I guess."

An implied consent.  I make a small unnoticed pass at Frank.  Her 
composure and her posture change.  It is doubtful that Frank notices 
any difference in the woman reflected by the mirror as she gracefully
fluffs her hair with her hand and admires her reflected image.

That was easy, I think.

Turning to the primping woman, "Frank, you've had a long day.  Why don't
you go down to my room and rest a little.  I don't think you should be
in this room, when the cops arrive."

"Cops?"

"we'll have to call them."

"Oh, I suppose.  And I imagine they'll want to talk to me about this 
mess.  I think I'll feel better after a little nap."

She walks to the door.  Unfortunately, she has the gait of a truck 
driver.  I guess it wasn't that easy.  Before I can react, she's halfway
down the hall.

"Frank!" I yell after her.

As she stops, I make another pass with my hand.

When she turns, she says "You don't have to call me Frank anymore, 
lover.  Just call me Tiffany.  Or better yet, just Tiff."  She turns 
back toward my room and as I stare lustfully after her, she strolls 
down the hall and into my room with the most undeniably feminine walk 
I'd seen in years.

* * * * *



"We'd like to thank you for all your help, Mr. Widniche." said the
detective.  "It's a shame he had to be killed, I was looking forward
to the trial.  But you have saved the taxpayers a lot of money, which
in these troubling economic times is fortuitous in itself."

"Thank you, detective." I reply.

"And one last thing, could we speak to your wife?"

"Is that really necessary?  She's had a bad day, as I'm sure you can 
imagine."

"Just a couple of questions.  Routine stuff."

"She's in my room.  I'll go get her."

"If you wouldn't mind, I'll go with you."

"Suit yourself."

When the detective and I enter my room, Tiffany is asleep.  I walk
slowly to the bed, lean over her, and gently shake her shoulder.

"Tiff.  The police want to ask you a couple of questions."

When she opens her eyes, she looks distraught and worried.  "Is that you,
Wil?  Do I have too?" she asks.

"It'll be all right, dear.  Just tell him what happened.  I already 
have."

She looks more worried.

"Would you wait outside for a couple of minutes, Mr. Widniche?"

"Does he have too?" asks Tiffany in a concerned tone.

"Just routine, ma'am.  Mr. Widniche?"

"Of course, detective."  Then I turn back to Tiff.  "It'll be all
right.  Just answer his questions as bet you can."  I make a small
wave of my hand at her.  "I'll be just outside, honey."

I exit out into the hall.

Inside, the story was told.

- - - - -

"I'd just got home from shopping at the mall, and I heard my husband 
and this other man arguing about something, I don't know about what.

"When I went into my room to see what they were arguing about, I saw 
the man pull out a gun and point it at Wil.  They struggled over it, 
and it fell to the floor.

"I picked it up and told him to stop fighting.  But then he started 
coming at me.  I was so scared.  And then I pulled the trigger, and he 
fell to the floor."

"Had you ever seen the man before?" asked the detective.

"No.  Never."

"Not even on television?"

"I don't watch much TV."

"Thank you for your time, Mrs. Widniche."

- - - - -

Having finished his questions, the detective opened the door and stepped
out to join me in the hall.

As we walk to the front door, he explains "Looks like a justifiable 
homicide to me.  A man, who turns about to be a suspected wife killer, 
invades your home and threatens both you and your wife with a gun is 
pretty clear cut.  That's the way I'll write up my report.  As long as 
the coroner is satisfied and doesn't come with any new questions after
his examination at the lab, the case will probably be closed.  Just 
stay close to home for a few days.  If we have any more questions, 
we'll call."

As he exits, I tell him "Thank you, detective."  And as he walks away, I 
close the door behind him.

* * * * *

After a couple of days, the detective called to tell us the case was
closed.  It was declared a "death by misadventure."

And Tiffany has turned out just fine.  I've done a little fine-tuning
here and there.  As a result she no longer denies her femininity in 
anything she does.  All those images of her that I thought I'd never 
see, I've seen.

I've seen her poured into that pair of spandex tights with the matching 
form-fitting halter and wearing that dress with a neckline that plunges 
past her navel.  And Tiff in that real string bikini?  Wow!  What I had 
imagined wasn't nearly half as good as the real thing.

But she's not quite the insatiable lover she was before.  Don't get me
wrong, I'm not complaining.  More often than not, she still wears me 
out.

Tonight, I'm taking Tiff out to dinner, then I think we'll go dancing.
It's a celebration of sorts.  The week has passed.

When I asked her, if she wanted to be changed into someone else, she
answered with a blank stare, followed by "Why would I want to be someone
other than me?"  That was followed by a very long and very passionate 
kiss that made me realize that Frank was long gone.

* * * * *

When we arrive at the restaurant, one of her favorites from before, she
looks disturbed and slightly annoyed.

"What's the matter, Tiff?" I asked.

"I thought we were celebrating." she pouts.  "Why are we _here_?  You 
know how much I hate seafood."

Another adjustment is required.

I pass my hand over her head.

"Oh, Wil." she exclaimed.  "You remembered.  This is my favoritest place
in the whole world."  And she kissed me.

"My pleasure, love.  Whatever your heart desires is yours."

Dinner passed quickly and uneventfully.  I watched in awe as Tiffany
zestfully devoured a halibut steak.  Halibut had always been one of her 
favorites.

I was going to have to be careful.  My old friend at the mall had told
me not to go overboard with mental adjustments.  He thought I might end 
up with someone I didn't like.  But each change made her more and more 
like the old Tiff, while leaving her new femininity intact.  She was 
so intoxicating.

I paid the check with my credit card.  While waited for the waitress to
bring back the receipt, I stared at Tiff, who smiled in return.  Life
is good I thought.  I felt so good, that when I signed the receipt, I 
added a substantial tip for the waitress.

"Where to now, my love?" she asked.

"I thought we'd go dancing."

Once more she began to sullenly pout.  "Oh." she sounded disappointed.
"You know I hate to go dancing and have those guys staring at me.  Do 
we really _have_ to?"

Another pass of my hand.  Another adjustment.

"Oh, Wil." she exclaimed.  "Can we dance all night?"

"Of course, love.  Whatever your heart desires is yours."

And so we danced all night.

When we left, the sun was just coming up.  Both Tiff and I were tired.
We'd had a long evening, and I was more than ready to call it a night.

"Hold it right there." came a voice.  

Then another voice added "Your money and your valuables.  Or someone's 
gonna get hurt."

"Don't hurt us." cried Tiffany.  "Wil, give them what they want."

Not hardly, I thought, but as soon as I raised my hand, I was struck
from behind and fell groggily to the ground.

"No." screamed Tiffany.

With me out of the way, I assumed they'd go after Tiff.  I wasn't wrong.
But as I watched unable to do anything else, I knew I wouldn't be making
any more mental adjustments on her.

"So, _boys_." said Tiffany menacingly.  "You want to attack a woman and
_her_ man.  I wonder if you'll like it."

I could feel the raw power building up, while she held the two men 
entranced and powerless to move.  It was more power than I'd ever seen
her tap before.

She said nothing.

With a mere flick of her wrist, the men were enveloped in a bright pink 
light.

And as the light slowly faded, there were no longer two men standing 
there.

I guess I should have been pleased.  The old Tiff, who was in constant
denial of her femininity, would have transformed them into frogs and
left them floating on a lily pad in a pond somewhere.  But the new Tiff,
who I'd carefully sculpted to embrace her feminine nature, had decided
to share her that very nature with our two attackers.

I stared at the two teenage girls that now stood where just moments
before two men had been.  They were probably fifteen or sixteen.
One had waist-length brunette hair with green eyes.  They other
was a blue-eyed blonde with shoulder-length hair.  Both were classical
beauties with incredible figures.  And both were well-endowed.

"Now, _girls_." said Tiffany.  "Do you know who you are?"

"Of course, mommy." giggled both girls in unison.

"Mommy???" I thought.

"I'm your daughter, Buffy." said the brunette.

"And I'm your daughter, Taffy." giggled the blond.

"Buffy???  Taffy???"

And indicating me lying on the ground, Tiffany asks the girls "Do you 
know who that is over there?"

"Of course, mommy." they giggle.  "That's daddy."

"Daddy???"

"Is there something wrong, Wilyam?" asks Tiffany.

"You know I hate it when you call me Wilyam." I responded without 
realizing what she said.

"Well, I could easily arrange to call you 'Muffy' for a while, if you 
think you'd like that name better."

"No, that's okay.  Wilyam is just fine."

* * * * *

Well, my old friend was right.  Too many mental adjustments and I'm
right back where I started.

Almost.

Tiffany is almost as overbearing as she was before.  That's No problem, 
I've lived through it all before.  She's still fantastic in the sack, 
that is, when she decides to bless me with a roll in the hay.  We'll call
that a minus.  And she's just so feminine.  That's a major plus.

And I've got two gorgeous daughters.  Buffy and Taffy are both card
carrying members of Prostitute's Local 109, a very prosperous union.

I think Tiff was behind their placement in the local brothels, so she
could make sure I didn't cheat on her.  But she'd explained my situation
so well, it wasn't really necessary.  She'd made it extremely clear,
that if I were to cheat on her, then "Muffy" would be applying for
membership in her sisters' union.

Right back where I started.

- - - - -

We interrupt this program for a special news announcement.

Martin Rickman, sought for questioning in the investigation of the 
murder of his wife, has disappeared.  When asked if this means they
now consider Rickman a suspect, the police answer "No comment."

More news as it becomes available.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

- - - - -

Fascinating.

I check my pocket.

It's still there.

I think I'll head over to the bar, tonight.

THE END??
* * *
Copyright 1997: Bill Hart <B_HART@macsch.com> . If you want to post this
anywhere else, please ask the author for permission first.       Thank you