Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002 21:05:28 -0400
From: luvbntged@netscape.net
Subject: My Journey to Happiness

As I am approaching a major milestone in my life, I have decided to share
my story with you.

I was fifteen years old that fateful summer that I went to stay with my
father. I can remember it as if it were yesterday. My father had been
working overseas and I hadn't been able to see him except for a couple of
days in the previous two years.  In fact, I hardly even knew him at all.
For the first ten years of my life I was told that he was dead.  By
snooping and eavesdropping on conversations between my mother and her aunt,
with whom we lived, I was able to piece together the truth of my existence.

I was conceived when my father and mother were both thirteen years old.  My
mother's family, who I didn't have any contact with, were wealthy and very
religious.  When they found out about my mother's pregnancy, they packed
her off to another state to live with an old maid aunt and disowned her. My
father didn't learn of my birth until he was 20 years old, and by accident
at that. It took him nearly 4 years of searching and threatening my mother
with lawsuits before he saw me for the first time. I remember being
thrilled and confused at the same time when I first found out that I had a
father. That summer, my fifteenth year, was the first time I was going to
be able to spend any length of time with him. He even had to threaten my
mother with lawyers again to accomplish that. The first week I was really
nervous being around him, plus the problems I had been having for the past
year or so were bothering me.

One afternoon I was sitting on the couch, really spaced out, in the dumps,
my dad sat down next to me, and asked, "What's the matter, Tommy. You
haven't smiled once since you've been here."

"Oh, it's nothing, uh...dad. I'm just tired I guess."

"No, Son, it's more than that... What's bothering you?... Is it being here
with me? ...Are you missing all your friends?"

I didn't really feel comfortable talking to him about my problems, but I
wanted to talk to someone. I had tried to discuss them with my mother but
she refused to listen.

"No"

"No, what?... Are you uncomfortable with me?"

I hesitated before replying, "Yes...I guess...a little...I guess."

"Well, Tommy, I can understand that. I'm a little uncomfortable myself. I
guess it will take some time to get acquainted. I know that I haven't
really been a father to you but I hope I can make it up to you... I notice
you are reluctant to call me Dad and that is understandable... May it would
be easier for you to call me Rick and just think of me as a friend."

"Uh...sure...I guess so."

"What about your friends, are you missing them?"

I didn't answer. Even when I just thought about the things that were
troubling me, I felt like crying.

After a couple of minutes he asked again, "Well son? Is there a problem
with your friends?"

I still vividly remember losing the battle against tears.

"Tommy...why are you crying."

"Uh...I don't have any friends."

"Surely you do."

Tears gushing, as my dad put his arm around my shoulder, I replied, "No...I
don't," Then the rest of it came in a torrent of words. I remember thinking
that I was babbling, "They all hate me...they call me sissy boy, pretty
boy, fag, queer...all kinds of names. The whole school thinks I'm gay."

After a couple of minutes he said, "Tommy, gay is not something you choose
to be. You have no control over it. You're either gay or you're not. And
it's not such a bad thing if you are gay. In time you can learn to live
with it."

I didn't tell him then that it bothered me that all the other guys were
growing, becoming more muscular, but I wasn't. I was not the smallest guy
in my class but I was the only one with an ass like a girl and nearly
platinum blonde hair. Their voices were getting noticeably deeper while I
sounded more like a girl When they discovered that I had only one testicle,
they really gave me hell. I hated it and didn't know what to do about it. I
also didn't think I could tell him that when I saw other boys naked, I got
strange feelings in my belly and my small cock would get stiff. I think I
already knew then that I was gay but didn't want to admit it and especially
didn't want to talk about it with anyone. I also didn't want to tell him
about the growths on my chest.

My dad held me for a long time with neither of us saying anything. I
remember feeling warm and comfortable, and strange at the same time.

Finally, he said, "I think there is a lot more you are not telling me.
Maybe after you are here awhile you will be more comfortable about talking
to me."

After that conversation I began to feel a little more at ease around him
and he was right, I did feel more comfortable calling him Rick instead of
Dad. But I was still very nervous that he would find out what was really
bothering me.

For as long as I can remember, I had felt out of place. I had always been
more intrigued about girlish things than the things other boys were
interested in. I even started secretly reading "SEVENTEEN" when I was about
11 or 12. I tried to act boyish without any success. The other kids
noticed, but my mother never did. In fact, looking back, my mother never
noticed anything about me. She would constantly tell me that, "I was her
burden to bear." When I finally discovered the truth of my existence, her
statements made sense.

When I was fourteen, my chest began to hurt all the time. It wasn't a bad
pain, just a constant ache and my nipples began to swell. After a couple of
months it became apparent that I was developing breasts. I was secretly
pleased but scared to death at the same time. I didn't understand what was
happening to me or what to do about it. My mother's influence caused me to
think that God was punishing me for some sin. I had recently discovered
masturbation and immediately thought that was it. I tried to quit for
awhile but just touching my growing breasts created such a fantastic
sensation in my body that I couldn't resist. It got to the point that I was
fondling my breasts and rubbing my cock, my penis was too small to jack off
in the normal fashion, until I climaxed almost every night. The more I
masturbated, the larger my breasts seemed to grow and the more frightened I
became, but I just couldn't stop.

I tried to talk to my mother about it but her immediate response was,
"That's absolute nonsense. God intended for you to be a boy and that's what
you are." I did manage to fake an injury and get excused from P.E. at
school. There was no way I could hide my new body from the rest of the
boys. They were already giving me hell about my looks and small penis.

I really wanted to talk to my Dad...Rick ...about my problems but I never
could find the courage to broach the subject.

Two days later, I had just finished my shower and was drying off when the
door to Rick's bedroom suddenly opened. We were both frozen in place for
several seconds as I was in the process of drying my back and Rick was
standing in the door , naked, staring at me. My eyes immediately went to
the largest penis I had ever seen. Just the sight of it got me excited and
a little flustered. I know I must have blushed. Finally, he said, "Sorry,"
and closed the door. I was devastated.

I immediately left the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, got into bed,
pulled the covers over my head and began bawling. I don't know how long I
lay there before I heard a knock on my door. I ignored the first one but
the second knock was louder followed by, "Tommy, get dressed and come to
the kitchen." I finally got up enough courage to get up, pull on a pair of
shorts and a tee shirt and walk to the kitchen. The tee shirt didn't hide
my budding breasts but at this point it didn't seem to make any
difference. My legs felt like mush and my hands were visibly shaking as I
sat down at the table across from Rick. I just kept staring at the table
top until he placed a cup of coffee in front of me.

In a barely audible whisper, I informed him that I didn't drink coffee.

"Well, it is time you did. We have a lot to discuss and you need something
to settle your nerves."

We sat in silence for a long time while I stared at my hands wrapped around
the coffee cup. I finally got enough courage to take a sip. It was hot and
a little bitter, but it was something to do to put off speaking.

"I have cream and sugar if you prefer."

"No, this is alright," I mumbled.

"Look, Tommy, I apologize for barging into the bathroom. I should have
knocked first but I'm not accustomed to having someone else in the
apartment."

"Uh...that's okay. ...I forgot to lock it," I mumbled, trying vainly to
still my trembling hands as I took another sip of coffee.

"I realize what we are about to discuss is very hard for you, but it has to
be done. I noticed two things when I saw you. Number one,...uh you have
breasts and, number two, your penis seems to be very small for your age.
Have you discussed these facts with anyone else?"

 I was really shocked by his bluntness. "Uh...no," I whispered.

"Not even your mother?"

"OH NO!!...I tried but she didn't want to know." I replied as I began to
feel a little less apprehensive.

"How long have you had breasts?"

"I guess about a year," I answered, still looking at the coffee cup.

"I'm surprised no one has noticed. How do you hide them."

"I always wear a tee shirt that is too small and a shirt that is a little
too big."

"That has to be uncomfortable," He replied with a lot of sympathy in his
voice, "But I guess it would be more uncomfortable if other people found
out about them. I suppose you realize it is unusual for a boy to grow
breasts but it does happen."

Looking up for the first time, I said. "You mean I'm not the only one it
has happened to?"

"No, Tommy, you're not. It is rare but it does happen. What did you think
when you realized what was happening to you?"

I suddenly felt relieved that my condition was no longer a secret and that
my dad...Rick was trying to help me. Crying softly I began to tell him
about the feelings of inadequacy I had had all my life, the yearnings I had
looking at other boys, the fear I was gay and the fear about being punished
for masturbating.

"Tommy, that is all nonsense. Every one masturbates. It is normal. As for
the other things I think we need to seek professional help."

I looked at him in shocked disbelief, "You mean a head doctor?"

"No, I mean a medical doctor. There has to be some medical reason for your
condition. I don't know any doctors in this town but I'll ask around and
find a good one."

I nearly fainted, "You're not going to tell other people about me are you?"

"No, your secret is safe with me until we see a doctor.  Unless you want to
go through the rest of your life confused."

A couple of days later we went to see a doctor. I hadn't been able to eat
or sleep since the night Rick had found out the truth about me. The doctor
was very nice and seemed to be understanding but I was still shaking with
fear as he peered and probed at my body while asking me a hundred
embarrassing questions and took blood samples. After he was through, he
sent us to the waiting room while he waited for the results of the blood
tests. We sat there for nearly three hours, watching other patients come
and go, before we were called. By that time I was nearly a basket
case. When we entered his office, he continued to read a file for a few
minutes before he looked up and began to speak.

"Well, Tommy, Mr. Johnson, I have the test results back and they confirm
just what I suspected. There are a lot of medical terms to describe your
condition but I will stick to terms that you can easily understand for the
most part. I don't think this will shock you at this point Tommy, but you
are neither completely male or female. This condition occurs more
frequently than people realize. So it is nothing to be ashamed of. Most of
society likes to see other people as either male or female for a lot of
reasons, most of them being religious in nature. You are not a freak, it
just that your condition is fairly rare. In fact yours is the first case I
have had personally, so I have consulted an expert in the field of gender
confusion and reassignment. At this point you have some decisions to
make. You can do nothing or we can begin hormone therapy to take your body
one direction or the other. In other words, you have to decide whether you
want to be a male or a female? I know what I would recommend, but it is
your decision."

Before I could get enough control of my mouth to say anything, Rick asked
the doctor, "What would the treatment and the results be in each case?"

"The easiest course is to become a full male. That will involve only
hormones. Tommy's genitalia will grow, he will become more hirsute and the
breasts will eventually disappear. There is nothing we can do about another
testicle. It is still possible to reproduce with only one testis but in
Tommy's case, based on what I know so far about his physiologic makeup, I
doubt it. The other direction will require hormone therapy also and can
involve gender reassignment surgery."

Rick looked at me and said, "It's your decision, Tommy. What do you want to
do?"

I sat in stunned silence for a couple of minutes. I knew what I really
wanted but the thought of surgery frightened me. Finally, I managed to say
in as strong a voice as I could muster, "My name is now Tami., T-A-M-I."

They both smiled at me as the Doctor said, "Well, ...uh...Tami...I think
that is the best decision. At least that's what I would have recommended.
Your bone structure, facial features and mannerisms are much more feminine
than masculine and I think you will function a lot better and be happier
out in the world as a female."

"Since you are a minor, any treatment will require the consent of a parent
or guardian. I noticed your last names are different...just what is your
relationship, Mr. Johnson?"

"Technically," Rick answered, "I am Tom...Tami's father but I don't have
any kind of legal custody, so the consent will have to come from his...her
mother."

My heart suddenly sank. I knew my mother would never agree.

"But that won't be a problem. It will take just a little time to work out
the details."

"The expert I referred to is Dr. Mildred Wilkerson in Los Angeles. Since
you have decided to become a full female, you really need to see her, at
least initially. if it is not a financial burden."

"Finances are not a problem", replied Rick, "Whatever it takes."

"If you're sure, then she recommended that I start you on birth control
pills for the first thirty days. Be sure and take one every night before
you go to bed. We have some samples I can give you. I'm sure that we can
get an appointment with her before the thirty days are up. I will set it up
and let you know."

When we got home, Rick told me wait in the living room while he called my
mother. I tried to listen through the door to his bedroom but could only
hear a few phrases when Rick raised his voice. I was sitting on the couch
staring at the TV without really seeing it when Rick came in nearly an hour
later.

Sitting next to me and placing an arm around my shoulders, he said, "It
took awhile but your mother and I have everything worked out. The good news
is that you can be Tami, but the bad news is that your mother is having a
difficult time dealing with it and says she never wants to see you
again. She said that "you are no longer her burden to bear." Maybe she will
come around in time."

"So she agreed to give her permission?" Still not believing it.

"Not exactly. Here's how it is going to work. I have already got a lawyer
working on the problem. He is going to get me appointed as your guardian
and is also going to have all your records changed to reflect your new
status. He says there will be no problems and I believe him. He is very
good. You are going to continue living with me until you are at least 18."

I looked up at him for the first time, "I'm sorry. I don't want to be a
burden to you."

He pulled me closer, "Honey, you won't be a burden. I'll love having you
with me, I just hope you won't mind moving frequently. I work on a contract
basis and the longest is usually six months, but I will try to work around
your school schedule."

I didn't reply. I couldn't hold back the tears of joy long enough to open
my mouth. Even when I ran out of tears, I didn't want to leave the warmth
of his embrace. It was the first time I had ever felt the affection of
another human being. If I could stay in his arms forever, I would be
willing to move every other day.

Releasing me, he reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, "I
guess you are going to need a whole new wardrobe", He said as he handed me
five twenties and two hundred dollar bills, "This will help you get started
and I will have more for you tomorrow after I go to the bank. "I know how
you females love to shop."

That brought on more tears as I put my arms around his neck and kissed him
on the cheek. My little cock immediately got hard and my whole body began
to tingle when I felt his hands pressed against my back. When I pulled back
to say "Thank You" I noticed him gazing at my chest. I looked down also to
see my nipples prominently displayed. I felt my face getting red as I
mumbled something about going to bed, and ran out of the room.

As I stripped and got into bed that night my little cock was as hard as a
rock and my nipples ached. I tried to relax but remembering the smell and
feel of Rick, just seemed to make things worse. Finally, I threw back the
covers and began massaging my breasts as I imagined it was Rick making love
to me. I was sweating and having trouble breathing as I dug my heels into
the mattress, placed the palm of my right hand against my throbbing cock
and began thrusting against it. It wasn't long before my whole body
trembled as I climaxed.

When I awoke the next morning, I felt sticky all over and completely
drained of energy. It was a few seconds before I remembered what had
occurred the night before. I felt ashamed as I recalled the sexual feelings
I had about Rick. After all he was really my father and I knew it was wrong
for a daughter to feel that way. I was in the shower before I realized that
I had automatically thought of myself as a female.

I heard Rick taking a shower as I stood in front of the mirror in my
bedroom, still nude playing with my hair. It had been nearly two months
since I had had a haircut. It was long for a boys but still a little too
short for a girls. I wanted to start shopping for some basic necessities
that day and wanted to look as much as a female as possible. In the end I
was able to fashion some bangs and pull the rest of back into a short
ponytail with a rubber band. I tried on several shirts before I found one
that displayed my breasts enough that no one would think of me as a boy . I
pulled on a pair of jeans, leaving the shirt tail out, and checked the
mirror again. I was very pleased with the effect. I looked like a tom-boy.

I stopped at the entrance to the kitchen. Rick was leaning against the
counter with his shirt unbuttoned, drinking a cup of coffee, staring out
the window. I was turned on immediately as my eyes traveled from his
handsome face and down his chest to his crotch. I wanted nothing more at
that moment than to press my body against the bulge in his pants and run my
fingers through that lush growth of hair on his chest.

I know I blushed when he turned his head and said, "Good morning,
Honey. Did you sleep well?"

As I replied in the affirmative I was wondering if he had heard me the
night before. If he realized I was momentarily flustered, he didn't let on.

"You look nice. What are your plans for the day?"

"I think I'll walk down to that Wal-Mart and buy a few things."

"Okay. I'll be home around six, do you want to eat out or should I bring
something home?"

I stumbled a little as I replied, "I don't think I'm ready to go out in
public yet. How about Chinese?"

"Chinese it is", He said as he touched my right check, "Have a good day."

I was extremely nervous as I entered the ladies section at Wal-Mart. I
would peak up occasionally to see if anyone was staring at me and finally
relaxed when I discovered that no one was paying any attention to me. I was
excited beyond belief as I looked and touched all the feminine items that I
had longed for. I wasn't real sure of what sizes to get, especially in
bras. I took several trips to the dressing rooms, trying on different sizes
and styles. I finally settled on a 32B with removable padding. An A-cup was
a little tight and a B was a little too big but the padding made it fit
perfectly plus I was trilled with the effect. I finally selected a couple
of lacy bras with matching panties. My little cock was rock hard the entire
time I was in the store.

I had a little more trouble selecting cosmetics. In the end I purchased an
inexpensive make-up kit that had several different shades of lipstick and
eye make-up.

I felt like I was walking on air on the way home even though I had four
heavy bags stuffed with everything I could think of that a young lady would
need. I was so excited when I dumped everything on my bed I didn't know
what to do next. I only had a couple of hours before Rick got home and I
wanted to look as special as I felt.

 First I took my first ever bubble bath and shaved my legs and underarms
for the first time. By the time I had finished shaving, my cock was
throbbing so bad I placed my feet on the sides of the tub and "fucked" the
palm of my right hand while my left hand took care of my tits.

When I was getting dressed I discovered that if I tucked my penis and
testicle between my legs, I didn't have a tell-tale bulge in my panties
plus they formed a crease that looked just like pussy lips. Closing my eyes
and probing at the crease with my finger I tried to imagine what it would
feel like to be fucked. When I finished dressing in a pair of white shorts
and pink blouse I nearly didn't recognize myself. I was especially pleased
with the effect my breasts had on my blouse.

I played with different shades of lipstick for awhile before finally
deciding on a pale pink, lightly applied. I thought it was perfect the way
it matched my blouse and accentuated my soft, full lips. I was still
admiring myself when Rick tapped on my door to say that he was home with
dinner.

I was a little nervous when I entered the dining area. Rick was setting
plates on the table when he looked up. It appeared like he held his breath
as he scanned me from the top of my head to my toes, obviously pausing at
my breasts and again at my crotch area, before exclaiming. "Tami, you're
beautiful."

All I could do was smile as my insides turned to liquid.

We managed to get through dinner without any mishaps even though it was
obvious that he was sexually excited and so was I.

"Are going shopping again tomorrow?"

"I don't think so but if it is alright with you. I would like to go to a
mall one day next week"

"No problem, just let me know when," He said, as he had me some more money,
"Here's another five hundred just in case. I know you are going to need a
lot of things. When you need more, just let me know."

I was stunned. I had never had so much money, plus I was a little nervous
about spending so much of his money.

"That's ...a lot of money,... are you sure?"

"Honey, when my parents died they left me quite well off ,plus I make an
excellent salary, and I can think of nothing I would rather do with it than
to make you happy."

All I could do was give him a big hug and escape to my room before I made a
fool of myself.

The next week went fairly smooth. I began getting up early, making the
coffee and would have Rick's cup filled when he came to the kitchen. I got
a special thrill every morning when he would enter and kiss me on the cheek
and tell me how pretty I was.

On my first day of shopping, I had purchased a pretty yellow baby doll ,
robe and slippers. At first I would wear the robe when Rick was around but
soon would go without it. The baby doll wasn't a see-thru but it was easy
to see that Rick enjoyed seeing me in it. In the beginning I felt guilty
about my feelings about him, because he was my father, but before long I
quit thinking of him in those terms.

I spent the next week reading the magazines that I had bought, getting
self-educated on make-up, hairstyles, and the latest fashions. I spent
hours just working on my eyes before I was satisfied that I knew what I was
doing. Luckily I was blessed with long eyelashes. Doing my nails was a
little difficult at first but I soon got the hang of it. One thing I didn't
have to concentrate on were my mannerisms. I had spent the last couple of
years trying to act like a boy without much success, now everything I did
was naturally feminine. That was probably due to having lived with just two
women for the first fifteen years of my life and partly natural.

The day I was ready to go to the mall, I examined myself very critically in
the mirror and could not see any signs of the fifteen year old boy had
existed just a short time ago. Just before I was ready to leave, I
discovered that I had neglected to buy one very essential item...a handbag.

Just as I was getting out of the car at the mall, Rick said, "Just a minute
honey", and handed me a charge card.

I thought at first it was his until I saw the name "Tami Taylor".

It was a wonder I didn't injure myself, jumping across the car to hug Rick
around the neck. Every time I would hug him, I could feel his hands on my
back, pulling me a little closer for a split second. It felt so good having
my body against his, I never wanted to let go.

"Quit choking me to death and sign it on the back. That card has no limit
but I do hope you will stop short of a million."

"I promise and will meet you in the food court about 6:00."

I began in the junior miss department of the biggest department store in
the mall. A young salesclerk, probably about 20, took charge of me
immediately and gave me the help I really needed but was afraid to
request. Three hours later she was grinning from ear to ear as she rang up
my purchases. It wasn't until later that I realized that she was probably
working on commission. From there I window shopped until I was in front of
a beauty salon. I hesitated for a few minutes, but a sign said walk-ins
welcome and since it was the middle of the week, they didn't appear to be
busy.

Screwing up some courage I entered and looked around for a couple of
minutes before askeing, "May I help you, Miss?

Trying not to let my nervousness show, I told her that I wanted to get my
hair done.

"We can get you right in, follow me."

If she could see how uneasy I was as she sat me in the chair, she didn't
let on.

"What do you want done?"

"Just a trim I guess, what do you think?" My hair had always grown fast and
was over my collar by this time.

She pulled the rubber band off and fluffed my hair a little, "You have such
beautiful hair, do you wear it in a pony tail a lot?"

I didn't want to tell her that that was the only way I knew how to fix it,
so I replied, "Quite a lot."

"I think the best thing to do is trim it, curl it under so when you wear it
down it will frame your beautiful face."

I was unsuccessful at preventing a blush when I thanked her for the
compliment and told her to go ahead.

I guess I got what would be referred to the "treatment". She shampooed my
hair, trimmed it, put big rollers in it, and talked me into a manicure
while I was under the dryer. Before I left, she sold me a supply of large
curlers and pins while giving me detailed instructions on how to do the
curls. She probably knew that I was ignorant about hair care but didn't say
a word. She also talked me into setting up an appointment with a cosmetics
demonstration the next day.

The next stop was a shoe store. I already knew that a female can't have too
many shoes. After that I window shopped some more, mostly to admire my
reflection. When I came to "Victoria Secrets", I couldn't resist going in,
leaving an hour later with some really sexy lingerie. I had a strong desire
to model it for Rick when I got home but thought better of it.

I was exhausted by the time I got to the food court. When Rick arrived a
few minutes later, he scanned the crowd, looking past me twice. I got up,
walked right up to him and whispered, "Looking for me, Handsome?"

He hesitated a couple of seconds before exclaiming, "My God, Tami, you are
more beautiful every time I see you."

"Thank you, kind sir."

Noticing that I just had a couple of packages, he asked, "Is that all you
bought?"

I was a little nervous when I told him that I had left most of my purchases
at the stores.

It required two trips to the car, first with the shoes and some other
stuff, then the second trip to the department store. The salesclerk was
still grinning when we entered.

Rick didn't say a word until we were in the car. I was afraid I was in
trouble for spending so much money when he stared at me for a couple of
seconds before smiling and saying, "Am I a pauper yet?'

I giggled, "Not yet, but I'm trying."

"Okay," he laughed, "Lets grab something to take home for dinner."

"Can we go to the grocery store one of these days. I want to start cooking
again."

He had a surprised look on his face when he asked, "Do you cook?"

"Sure, I have been cooking for a couple of years and enjoy it. You probably
don't know it, but my..." I hesitated for a second because I kind of
strange thinking about my mother, ..."my mother is a dietician and she has
been teaching me about food for as long as I can remember."

"I've never looked, are there enough utensils in that kitchen to cook
with?"

We were living at that time in a fully furnished apartment. "There are
enough to get by ."

"Okay it's a deal. It's been years since I have had a steady diet of home
cooking. Since tomorrow is Friday, why don't we get dressed up and go out
for a nice dinner...if you have something to wear, " Grinning as he said
it, "Then on Saturday we can go to the grocery store."

Giggling, I replied, "I think I may be able to find something to wear,
especially if lobster is on the menu."

"Do you like lobster?"

"I don't know. I've never ate any but I've always wanted to try it."

"Good gosh, I don't know if I can afford to keep you around."

I took a taxi to the mall the next day for the cosmetics demo. I also got
my ears pierced that day, thinking to myself as it was the technician
insert the second stud, "It is now official. I am now 100% female...well,
except for one minor item,"

My sixteenth birthday was just two weeks away so Rick spent most of his
spare time teaching me to drive. On my birthday, he took the day off to
take me for my exam. We went out for dinner that evening, for lobster of
course, to celebrate my birthday. While we were walking toward the parking
lot, he asked me if I would like to drive home.

Naturally, I said "Yes".

Before we reached our car, he stopped next to a red mustang convertible,
opened the driver's door, handed me a set of keys and said, "Happy
Birthday, Tami."

I was momentarily stunned, then without even thinking about it, I put my
arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips. At first I think he
was shocked but as my lips melted against his, I could feel his arms
encircle me. It was the first time I had ever kissed anyone on the lips and
I loved the feeling. The length and intensity of the kiss went far passed
that of the father/daughter variety. When I felt his hardening cock against
my belly, I came to my senses and pushed back. We were both having a little
difficulty breathing and I was still speechless.

All Rick could manage was a weak, "You're welcome."

All the way home and most of the night, that kiss was all I could think
about. I kept thinking to myself that the sexual desire I had for Rick was
wrong in every way, but I couldn't help it.

After that night we maintained an arms length from one another for
awhile. We got into a very domestic routine. I would cook, clean, take care
of the laundry and go shopping. Having my own car afforded me the
opportunity to spend far too much time and money at the mall. I would feel
a little guilty about the money until I would see something I just had to
have. Without really realizing it the time, I was purchasing clothing that
was more appropriate for women in their twenties than their teens.

 I tried to be modestly dressed when Rick was at home but some mornings I
would wake up feel especially evil and wear one of my Victoria Secret baby
dolls, without a robe, while I fixed breakfast. My favorite was a satin,
lavender that really displayed my breasts, which seemed to be growing every
day while my penis seemed to be shrinking. In time, it became so
insignificant that I didn't even think about it except on my "evil" days
when I would have to masturbate as soon as Rick left for work.

Nearly a month after the first doctor visit, we had to fly to L.A. for the
first appointment with Dr. Wilkerson. I had bought a suit just for the
occasion. It was beige and the skirt was just less than knee length. The
silk blouse I wore with it was royal blue and I was wearing 3" inch heels
for the first time in public. I had worn them around the house for days to
get used to them and felt very comfortable in them by the time we
left. When I was doing the final check of my makeup and hair, I realized
that I looked a lot older than 16, I could have easily passed for 20 or
21.When Rick saw me, he smiled and told me how beautiful I was. I
desperately wanted to kiss him but, feeling very grown up and
sophisticated, just lightly touched his cheek and smiled.

Walking through the terminal I could see heads turning in my direction as
my breasts bounced a little with each step. I had my hand under Rick's arm
and a smile on my face that told everyone who looked that I already had my
man. I also had the distinct feeling that Rick was walking a little taller
than usual.

We had a suite in one of finest hotels in L.A.. We ate in the hotel
restaurant that evening but had room service for breakfast the next morning
as Rick had a business appointment that morning and my doctor's appointment
wasn't until later. which gave me plenty of time to get ready. Since it was
warm that day, I dressed in a lovely yellow sun dress with a yellow
strapless bra and matching panties. My little cock was throbbing by the
time I finished dressing but I didn't have time to do anything about
it. Rick had arranged for a car service to pick me up and bring me back to
the hotel. The driver spent so much time looking at me in the rear view
mirror in both directions, I was afraid we would have a wreck.

When I entered the doctor's office and introduced myself, the receptionist
gave me a strange look, before leading me to an examining room and
instructed me to disrobe and put on a backless gown. It was so cold in the
room that my little member had shrunk to almost nothing by the time the
doctor arrived.

When the doctor finally entered, holding a manila folder, she said "Hello",
frowned, opened the folder and read it for a couple of minutes. She was
very attractive, probably in her early forties and appeared to be well
endowed.

Finally, she looked up and asked, "You're Tami Taylor?"

"Yes"

"You're...," glancing again at the file in her hand, ...sixteen years old?"

I nodded.

"You look much older."

That brought on a smile, "Thank you."

"I'm Dr. Wilkerson," Looking back at the file in her hand, she said, "I see
that Dr. ..u...Bryant's assessment was absolutely correct... Please lower
your gown to your waist."

When I complied, she approached me and began feeling my breasts. When my
nipples came to full attention, she said, "I see you enjoy that."

I was enjoying it so much that I was barely able to reply.

When she quit, all too soon, she had me cover up again.

"Your breasts are more developed than most girls your age, even the ones
who are congenital female. May I see the pills the other Doctor gave you?"

"I took the last one last night."

She picked up the file again, scanned it for a second and said. "Good, I'm
going to prescribe some pills that are not quite as strong. If I don't, I'm
afraid you are going to end up with breasts so large that they will strain
your back. Hopefully you will never require anything larger than a "C"
cup...Now please lay back and put your feet in those stirrups."

She pulled the gown up to my waist and began probing around my groin area,
feeling my penis and testicle. I was so nervous and cold that my penis
stayed flaccid.

"Well, Tami, nature played a cruel trick on you. What you have is
essentially a large clitoris and an extraneous little bag. It's a shame you
can never bear children for you have an ideal pelvis for birthing."

Then she put on a glove and put some kind of lubricant on her middle
finger. I couldn't see what she was doing, but could definitely feel it
when she started probing my anus with it. I thought I was going to come off
the table when she pushed her finger just past the opening. There was a
little pain at first but then she began massaging something inside me that
felt wonderful. My penis got hard in spite of the cold and I began pressing
my ass against her hand, moaning a little. It didn't take long before my
little cock was exploding. She held her finger in there for a minute while
I settled down, then removed it and wiped my cock with a tissue.

"I see that you are not sexually active yet."

I was too embarrassed to reply.

"You can sit up now. The nurse will be in shortly to take some blood. Then
you can get dressed. I'll to see in my office before you leave."

The doctor was seated behind her desk when I was escorted in about an hour
later.

"Have a seat, Tami. I have decided to take your case. I don't take every
case that is referred to me.  The operation you will require is called an
vaginoplasty. I won't go into it in much detail right now because it will
be two years before I will do it. The state requires the patient to be at
least 18 and even if they didn't, I would. Some of my patients decide not
to go through with it, for a variety of reasons but the ones that do are
always satisfied with the results."

"Now I'm going to be brutally honest with you on another subject...sexual
activity. You are still very young but very beautiful and I'm sure you will
be "hit" on frequently by males. A lot of my "pre-ops", that's what your
are now...a pre-operational transsexual..., participate in anal sex. There
is nothing wrong with it. It is strictly a personal choice but there are
several things you have to take into consideration."

"First, the anus is too small for the average penis and tearing will
probably occur if penetration is forced. So it must be properly stretched
beforehand. If you plan to have sex that way, it is better to start with a
small, well lubricated vibrator. K-Y jelly is the most common lubricant but
there are other brands."

"The second thing to consider is disease. Always be clean and use a
condom. Have you ever had an enema?"

I was so embarrassed by this time that all I could do was shake my head.

"I can see you are uncomfortable discussing this topic but it would be
irresponsible of me if I didn't bring up. I have another pamphlet that I
developed myself that covers everything I'm talking about in detail. Be
sure you study it carefully. Above all, know your partner. Hopefully, here
won't be more than one."

"Do you have any questions?"

Again, all I could do was shake my head.

"Okay, Honey, take care of yourself and I will see you in a month. If you
have any questions in the meantime, feel free to call."

I was a little dizzy on the way back to the hotel. Rick wasn't back yet so
I drew myself a warm bath. I really didn't need one but I had discovered
that baths were relaxing. I lay there soaking until the water got too cool,
thinking about what the doctor had said about anal sex. As I recalled the
pleasure I felt when she had penetrated my anus with her finger, I tried
the same thing with mine but it felt like my fingernail was cutting me. I
was still determined to try some way to duplicate that feeling as soon as I
could.

After the bath I spent at least an hour on my makeup. After I had attended
that demo, spending a small fortune on cosmetics and hours practicing, I
had developed little tricks that made me looked older than sixteen without
it being obvious that was what I was doing.

I was still basking in the glory of my accomplishments ,when I heard a tap
on my door and Rick ask, "Are you decent?"

Without giving it a thought that I just had a towel wrapped around me, I
answered, "Yes."

Still looking in the mirror, I saw the door open a little and Rick stick
his head in.

"Tami...oh...uh...want to get dressed ..and ...uh...go out to dinner?"

Then grinning, he said, "That is if you have anything to wear."

"I think I can find something. I'll be ready in thirty minutes."

"No hurry. Take your time." As he closed the door.

It took a little longer than the thirty minutes I had promised because of
my stockings. I had brought three new pairs of thigh highs, they made me
feel sexier than panty hose, because I wasn't very good yet at putting them
on. I put runs in two of them before I was successful.

I had the perfect dress for a night out. It was a strapless cocktail dress
with a short jacket. I tried it first without a bra and was very pleased
with the results. It had cost far too much and wasn't the least bit "age
appropriate" but I couldn't resist it. It was a blue so I could wear the
same shoes I had traveled in. Feeling devilish, I unzipped the dress before
going into the sitting room.

When I entered the sitting room, holding my jacket in one hand with my
right arm holding the dress just under my breasts, Rick looked up from
something he was reading and said, "Wow. ...Am I a pauper yet?"

Laughing, I replied, "Not yet... I hope."

"But you're working on it...right?"

"You guessed it... Will you zip me please"

When I turned my back to him, I pulled my arm a little tighter and up. I
didn't look back but I knew he was enjoying the view over my shoulder as he
fumbled a little, probably on purpose, with the zipper.

He had his hand in the small of my back all the way down to the car and
again from the car into the restaurant. We went to a very expensive seafood
restaurant for dinner. We didn't talk much during dinner. He had asked me
about the doctor's appointment but I just replied it was okay. He sensed
that I didn't want to go into details so he dropped the subject. As we were
having coffee, he had turned me into a caffeine junky, he dropped a bomb on
me.

"How would you like to live out here?"

"I'd love it."

"Well. I finalized a deal today that I have been working on for some
time. I didn't mention it before because there was always the possibility
that it would fall through."

I was too shocked to say a word.

"I have purchased fifty percent of a consulting firm out here. That means
we won't have to move around. There will be some business travel involved
but my partner is single and will do most of it."

I thought to myself "so are you" but still didn't say anything.

He went on without a pause, apparently not realizing what he had just
said. "It will be the middle of September before we can move. I have to
finish out my contract in D.C. first, so you will miss the first couple
weeks of school."

"Will that be a problem for you?"

"No. ...No problem at all."

"Good. I spent the afternoon with a friend of mine who is a real estate
agent. She knows what my requirements are for a house and will look around
for us. She will send us information on the properties she thinks will be
suitable. We will narrow her selections down and then fly out in sometime
in August to make a final decision."

I was thrilled, and a little puzzled, as he kept saying "we" and "us". I
was wondering if he was thinking of us as father and daughter or as
coequals.

Back in D.C., Rick went to work everyday and I kept busy at home. For
several years I would become tormented when I wondered what life had in
store for me. But over the last few weeks I had realized I wanted nothing
more than to have a man and a home to take care of for the rest of my
life. I tried imagine who that man would be but as hard as tried I couldn't
get past thinking of Rick in that role.

After being back from California about a week, we began receiving
information, including exterior and interior photos, on different homes
that the real estate agent had selected. One night I was especially tired
and had taken an early bath. After the bath I put on one of my favorite
baby dolls. It was nearly transparent and low cut with just spaghetti to
keep it on. I put on a floor length belted robe before going to watch a
little TV.

Rick was sprawled out on the couch with his feet on the coffee table and
his right arm along the back, reading some kind of document, probably from
work, when I sat down on the opposite end.

Tossing me the latest packet from L.A., he said, "Let me know what you
think of this house," and went back to reading.

At this point, I had looked at so many, there seemed be a certain sameness
about all of them. This one was a large red brick with a well manicured
lawn in a gated community. It had three bedrooms, each with it's own bath,
a den, a "spare" room, swimming pool and hot tub. There was nothing about
it that made it that different from all the others except when I saw the
photos of the kitchen. I really got excited. It was a large country kitchen
with built in double ovens and an island in the middle. Above the island
was a rack to hang cookware. It looked like a professional kitchen.

I enthusiastically scooted across the couch next to Rick, settling next to
his chest, under his arm, and shoved the photos of the kitchen under his
nose.

"I really love this kitchen."

He studied the photos for a couple of minutes, then turned to me and said,
"It is...," his voice got a little huskier, "beautiful."

Noticing the change in his voice I looked up at him and then glanced down
to where he was looking. The rapid movement across the couch had loosened
my robe. The shoulder of my robe and the strap of my nightie had slipped
down my arm a little exposing most of my right breast. I looked back up
when I felt his arm around my shoulders, pulling me a little closer to
him. I could feel him breathing a little more rapidly, as I was. I parted
my lips a little and ran the tip of my tongue along my top lip, silently
saying, "please kiss me."

My heart was pounding, my whole body vibrating, as he began lowering his
head toward me. My right hand was laying on his thigh, still holding the
photos, when I closed my eyes and raised my head a little, waiting for the
feel of his lips on mine, my mind swirling with the thoughts of what was to
follow.

To be continued.