Date: Mon, 29 Oct 2012 00:52:38 -0400 (EDT)
From: Violet295@aol.com
Subject: Coming out in the worst way

I would like to preface this with the understanding that I am a 30+
Lesbian but I have a brother who is transgendered and has been all his life, He
has suffered with his identity. I wrote e couple articles in the past using
him  and my understanding of him as a guide, I recently had a female friend
tell me  to explore the genre more, she found it fascinating and wants me to
cut loose,  so this is my first attempt to do so.
Let's hope for the best.

Most of my life I have hidden in the shadows. The feel, Christ even the
thought of lingerie against my skin makes me weak and puts me in a fit of
sexual  desire. I know I am a guy but I can do nothing about it. My mind tells
me I  belong in frilly dresses, wearing pink panties and hose .I have kept my
secrete  to myself but now I must burst out. I can either take my life and
end this  misery or come out and try to find a life as who I am. I choose
the later.
I have spent an entire day shopping for the perfect wardrobe. I know I am
not as sexy as I want to be but I am now me and hope someone out there will
accept me as who I am. I just purchased a black mini skirt, a very low cut
burgundy top and 4" heals with black stockings before going to Victoria's
secrete to find the most satisfying underwear. The clerk was sure I was a
cross  dresser, so I went all out and assured her I was and this put her at
ease.  Apparently if you admit the truth to yourself and others, the wall of
deception  comes down and you are either accepted as who you are or not.Who
knew?
I have always been partial to mint green undies, so I bought a complete set
 of bras, panties, bustier and slip in matching mint green .I found my self
very  excited. For once I was not embarrassed or shy, I was out and proud.
The clerk  asked me to try on the outfit and I decided why not.?
When I came out of the dressing room, with my manly haircut and one days
growth of beard but in the sexiest outfit I could dream of, she stared at me
for  a few moments before making a couple suggestions.
I should get a wig in medium brown to match my eyes and also go see her
best friend at the department store for some makeup tips. She promised to call
 ahead and let her friend know I was coming.
So far my day was maybe the best ever. I guess confronting yourself and
being honest is a good thing as Martha Stewart says.
I spent almost an hour at the cosmetic counter getting tips and various
concealers and foundations as well as blushers and lipsticks and so on.My
goodness I had spent over four hundred dollars so far, but what the hey, the
cost of beauty is worth it right? I was so pleased as I hurried back to my
car  to drive to the wig shop/ I had noticed a place on a main street that
catered to  cancer patients and knew they would be helpful even if they did not
approve of  my lifestyle. I tried on several wigs in varying lengths and
styles. I had  a few cheap wigs at home I had purchased sight unseen but I
wanted a new and  sexy image this time. I wanted a classy wig that would not
look like a hair hat.  I left with a neck length wig with a medium brown color
that curled under my  chin and was quite chic.
Back at my apartment I assembled the wardrobe and took a shower, after
anointing myself with perfume and making myself up in the mirror. I   struggled
with the false eye lashses  and the nail polish, it is very time  consuming
but I guess a woman is worth it. My nails were a hot pink as were my  lips
and toenails. I had several pairs or high heals I had bought over the years
but none seemed right for the occasion, so I decide to stop at a shoe store
on  my way out. Actually I had no idea where I was headed, but I was
determined to  hit the ton as the new lady in town.
I stopped at the shoe boutique in my neighborhood confident they would
never recognize me again and tried on maybe fifteen pairs of shoes before
selecting some dark brown FMP's (fu ck me pumps.)
I chose to wear them out of the store and bag my old shoes.
I spent a few hours on the Internet finding CD compatible bars to try. One
in particular peaked my interest Brassier's, it seemed  very CD friendly. I
 decided long before I realized it to head there. I had earlier printed out
a map  of potential bars.
Once I arrived, the mood changed for me, I was a babe in the woods, very
out cross dressers of all ilk's were there and speaking out proudly in the
lobby  and I was petrified. I felt undressed and out of place, shallow and
uninvited.  I mustered up my courage ,I paid my cover and went in, not  having
any idea of what lie ahead.