Date: Thu, 9 Apr 2009 01:12:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: Matt Doesburg <mailtomatt@ymail.com>
Subject: Toni The Book Chapter 4

I got my first comment, I agree that that is not too much but it was so
nice that it compensated for the time without them. I can only ask you to
comment on the story as much as possible.

I hope you enjoy chapter 4


Toni The Book Chapter 4


We were a pair again and I also invited her home again. Especially my
mother was happy to see her again, also because that was proof that she had
been right about us after all. From that moment on we divided our time
together between her apartment and my parental house.

Especially in the beginning we had a lot of questions to each other. I
wanted to know everything how she felt with her dick, whether she got
spontaneous erections or woke up with a boner? Did she get butterflies in
her stomach seeing special girls or special guys? I even asked her bluntly
how she wanted to make love.

She answered everything as good as she could. She told me that since her
hormones therapy, her dick had more or less shrunk but she was till able to
get an erection. Upon my question whether she masturbated she blushed and
said yes. She got me blushing however by telling me that that she always
thought of me when she did it. She also said that normally when her dick
was tucked in she did not have an erection. Butterflies in her belly she
only got with men, never with other woman. On my question about love making
she only told me that together we would find our favorite way. I from my
side answered her questions also as truthfully as I could.

I still had a rather big circle of friends, old and new ones. Toni was
again the most sexy and seductive girl in that group. Probably many of my
friends secretly envied me because of her. Especially the old ones told me
that they had known all the way that the separation would not last. Toni
loved the group in which she could openly flirt with the boys without
having to be afraid of consequences, as she would always leave with me at
the end of the day. Also her contacts with the girls within this group were
much freer and she loved the gossiping and girly sessions she had with
them.

I also introduced her to Robert and she found out of course that we
listened to music together on the evenings when I did not see her. She also
learned about my growing obsession for music and my efforts to get into the
music industry. In retrospect I guess that she felt a bit excluded by
us. This was aggravated, as she did not have the money to buy a stereo
system in order to participate in the club. Still she embraced my new taste
for music readily. She confessed to me that Frank Sinatra was OK but she
always had found herself to young for it.  When she visited me at home she
always wanted to hear my new records. Slowly she became my second partner
to discuss music developments with.

We were just what we had promised to be: friends. Like mentioned, we did
not see each other every day. Right from the beginning however she started
to use all her talents to be a very seductive friend. Almost from the day
of our reunion we got back to our kissing again. I hesitated to take the
next moves and our roles had reversed now. I was now the one who wanted to
keep his briefs on. My fear to touch her dick was stronger than my longing
to stroke her hairless pubes. Another more subtle way of seduction was
started a month after our reunion.

One Friday evening she told me mysteriously not to fetch her from the salon
the next day.  I normally did so, but now I should come directly to the
apartment late in the afternoon. She wanted to cook for me and she needed
the whole afternoon to prepare it. When I arrived that evening I was
welcomed with Italian music. On the table was a choice of Italian food. The
dinner was the beginning of a new mutual hobby. That evening she told me
that during our separation she had continued to experiment. Many times she
had prepared the food only to throw it away, as she did not want to eat it
alone.

Now she participated however with vigor and dug deeply into the Vitello
Tonnato, The Pepperoncini in Olio and she even had found Prociuto, which
was served with melon. There was Mozzarella on tomatoes with leaves of
basil, Salamis, Mortadella and a delicious Mellanzane alla
Parmigianino. She had bought Soave white wine, as well as Chianti red
wine. She even had thought of Grappa. It was the first occasion that I saw
her a little bit drunk. After dinner I experienced a Toni, who was freer
and as it seemed happier then ever. As they say that the love of males goes
through their stomachs, she had again won a battle that evening.

I from my side started to provoke her and to observe her, probably driven
by a subconscious urge to search for something masculine in her. I asked
her to dress more in dresses. Especially the dress, she wore when I had
seen her on the terrace with the alleged friend, was a favorite. I also
asked her to wear more high heeled shoes. I went with her to a high brow
classical concert in "The Doelen" in Rotterdam just to have a possibility
to see her in a long evening dress. Upon seeing her in that dress I had
that same impression as the first time I saw her: FLAWLESS.

At that occasion I also understood what it meant that she tucked her dick
between her legs. The dress was like a second skin on her and every object
under it would have been very, very visible. In her case however the dress
flowed down an impeccable body, which at that time was still very
slim. Later, when the good Italian food started to show, her body would
become slightly fuller and as a matter of fact sexier. Altogether she
played along with every wish I had. I had the impression that she secretly
enjoyed it very much.

One of my wishes was a photo session. I had bought a camera. Because the
company I worked for dealt with photo equipment I could make numerous
pictures of her. The processing and the blow-ups I could get for free at
the company. After she got to know my boss he also made a session with
her. He was a really good photographer and some of his pictures had real
pin-up qualities. We made a photo book of it and we had one picture that I
liked very much blown-up to real size. One of my hidden reasons for making
the album was of course also the search for masculine details, which were
not there.

My observations of her however draw me ever deeper in the pit that was
called "loving Toni". Imagine her to walk back to you coming out of the
bath room in a restaurant and upon making eye contact with you her whole
face starts to shine. Or imagine to walk with her on a windy street were
the wind played havoc with her skirts and the passers-by men as well as
women looking at the scene with admiration. I more and more was convinced
that there was nothing masculine to be discovered on Toni.

My observations also convinced me that she was even more beautiful than
when we first met. Probably this was true because of her longer hair and
the hormone therapy. The therapy was also the reason for her bigger
breasts, not big but definitively bigger than almost two years before. Her
whole body became ever more women-like to me. If indeed I was seeking for
excuses to end something it did not work. Day after day I was steadily
drawn deeper into her spell.

Altogether I was in a treadmill of feelings. I loved her but I still
wondered whether it was OK to do so. She was definitely one of the most
attractive women in all the places we visited together. She still was not
doll-like or Playmate like. She was a rather laddy like person that could
wind every male person around her finger. Every look of admiration and
every positive remark from friends and colleagues gave me also a funny
feeling. I was the only one, who knew that she was not what she appeared to
be. Indivertibly I kept asking myself how they would react when they would
know that. My confusion and uncertainty about us did not go away with the
time.

Instead of accepting her and make love to her, I was ever more confused. It
is strange what education, general rules of conduct and religious believes
can do. In my case they created grave conflicts' in my mind when I met
Toni, who was definitively out of the ordinary. I thought that I was modern
and going with the time. I regarded myself as open-minded for
everything. At least that's what I would have said when I would have been
asked.

Of course we talked about it and Toni could understand very well what I was
thinking. Because of her background, she herself had still problems to
accept what she was. Again I blamed myself for seeing the whole matter only
from my side. If I had such problems with what she was, how bad it must
have been for her. As I had not yet talked to people with more liberal
ideas, we decided to ask the Johnsons to help us.

The visit to the Johnsons was a very positive one, although I tried to
provoke them. I asked them how they had accepted the sexuality of Marcel
.Had they tried to change him? Mr. Johnson was very patient with me as he
explained that they had indeed tried to reason with Marcel. Especially the
first time, when they found out that he had sexual activities with a school
friend, as early as when he was twelve. I had a déjà vu at that
information.

They also said that they had hoped it would disappear when he would get
older, but it didn't. When he started the affair with the teacher in
Rotterdam, they knew that they had to accept it. Even at that time they
sent him to doctors and psychiatrists with small hopes for
betterments. They also told us that Toni had had a very positive influence
on him. He was close to become a really wild boy and might even have been
landed on the streets. We all found at the end of the evening that I had
come a long way. Still I could not accept the situation unconditionally.

After they had heard from Toni that she had told me about Dr. Smith they
proposed to make appointment with him. Before we left the Johnsons that
night Mr. Johnson took me apart and told me that he had to thank me. Upon
my bewildered look, he told me that at times he and his wife had been very
afraid that Toni would commit suicide. When she met me, they had seen that
her spirits grew. Especially when they had found out what had happened
between the two of us later on, that fear was increased. Toni had started
to cocoon herself. Now, with us being together again, he was sure that she
would have a fair chance.

During the visit with Dr. Smith I was informed about the medical facts of
the situation. I heard statistics on how many people were known
transsexuals. He also gave me estimations on how many people were still in
the underground. I heard from him that in the ancient times people like
Toni were in high regards as they were seen as being blessed by the
gods. Christianity changed this completely to the contrary. At the end he
asked me whether I would fully accept Toni when she would have a gender
surgery. As I knew that Toni was in no way ready for such a move I shook my
head and surrendered.

The next weekend I found out that to masturbate alone is one thing, to have
a girl do the job for you is completely different. We started in the
shower. Our first shower together and it was unbelievably sensual to feel
our wet bodies touching. At last I stroked her hairless abdomen which gave
me an unbelievable strong erection. I desperately avoided touching her
dick, but she teased mine readily without starting anything seriously.

She offered a towel to me to dry her off.  I refused for the silly reason
that I would have to touch her dick. After she toweled me dry, she had me
lying on my back and started to use her hands on me.  She knew of course
perfectly what men liked. She put the pressure on in such ways that my cock
head become sore, but ever more sensitive. Every time however when I was
shortly before an orgasm she slowed down.

When it was obvious that I could not hold on much longer she took my dick
in her mouth. Now she squeezed my cock head with her lips and tongue. When
I came it was an explosion that I felt coming from all the most outer parts
of my body. These incredible feelings became stronger and stronger during
their journey to the center of my body, which was my penis. I went rigid,
my whole body shivered as a first jet of cum shot out of my penis. An
unbelievable erotic thing happened when this beautiful girl between my legs
really started to suck. She swallowed the cum already there and from my
next ejaculations right out of my penis. It seemed as if she drained me
from all cum I was able to make in my life. I groaned and I heard myself
call her name.

As soon as I felt that these orgasms subsided I felt her body touched mine
all over again and I felt her lips on mine. I also felt a sticky, faintly
sweet substance in my mouth and realized that I tasted and swallowed my own
cum and I loved it.

After that evening her seduction efforts were even intensified. Talking
about our first real sexual experience together, I had to admit of course
that she was welcome to repeat that any time she wanted. For her however
this was only the first beginning, the next step was anal sex with
her. After hearing this I was afraid. Afraid of myself and her wish hung
over me the whole week following.

Already on Tuesday I was so uneasy that I called Dr. Smith. After I told
him who I was, I asked whether I could see him alone. I got an appointment
for late Thursday evening, which was evidently after his normal
consultation hours. When I came to his praxis, he showed me in. Asking what
my problems were, I told him that I had problems in my relationship with
Toni. I told him that I thought I loved her, but I seemed to be afraid of
her at the same time. I loved to watch her and could do so for hours in a
row. I also loved to kiss and be kissed but I had a strange restraint when
it came to touching her and being touched.

He smiled at me with an understanding grin, patted me on the shoulder and
indicated me to follow him. We went to the private part of the big house
where he seated me in a kind of library. He asked me whether I would drink
a Whiskey with him, which I accepted gladly because I felt very
uneasy. When we were settled down next to each other in leather club chairs
he started:

"Matt since your visit with Toni I have expected you to come with exactly
the problems that you informed me about. As you certainly know there is no
medicine that can solve this problem, so we can only hope to solve the
problem by talking with each other. But let me start from my side at the
beginning.

I met Toni when she was sixteen and at that time she was very much in need
of help. During our first meeting she told me that she had more or less
decided to commit suicide. Her friendship with Marcel Johnson and his
family probably had saved her life, but she was still far away from the
person that you met.

She came to me as a boy, an extremely skinny boy, with hair that was as
long as possible in her family environment and of course with no Make-Up
whatsoever. The Johnsons had told me about her problems, so my expectations
were different from a situation where I had not been forewarned. When I saw
her I was awestruck; I had never seen a 16 year old person that was as
evidently wrongly dressed as Toni was. Also my studies in medicine had not
prepared me for such possibilities. Our first meeting in the praxis was a
short one in which I only took blood samples from her. Although I was sure
what the outcome of the laboratory tests would be, I still wanted to have
that medical confirmation.

Since that day however I was transfixed by her. Maybe I did fall in love
with her a little bit. I told her to come back in one week .During that
time I talked with the Johnsons about her and asked them to help me. During
the meeting with them we made a kind of pact. We decided to help her as
best as we could. It was a tricky situation as we planned to help a minor
without consent of the parents. It also meant that I was not ale to give
her any hormones until she was eighteen. That especially did hurt me as it
was already known at that time that the earlier one started with such
treatments the better it was.

Our second meeting proved to me that the pact with the Johnsons was just in
time. Toni at that time was a very lonely person. She was unbelievable
unsure of herself. She had even started to think of herself as some
unworthy freak that did not have the right to exist. She told me in tears
that she planned to commit suicide before school would be ended. I was able
to talk her out of that, by assuring her that she may have been alone but
that she was not unique. After the visit I knew that I had won a first
battle but that she was far from saved.

She probably did not tell you but from that time I see her at least one
time per month. The therapy, if you can call it a therapy, especially in
the beginning, was mainly to assure her that she was not crazy. That she
was not a freak and that there were people who cared for her. Together with
the Johnsons we decided to give her the possibility to dress as a girl from
time to time. The results for me were a confirmation that we were doing the
right thing, no matter what parents or other people might have thought. The
inclusion of Melanie in that process was a risky one. In the end her help
and obvious love for Toni were worth all the risks though.

The holiday was also a mutual idea and helped tremendously to steady her
personality. We started with hormones as soon as I dared, which was about
three months before her eighteenth birthday. Low doses because her body
itself had already spontaneously started its own development towards
womanhood. But with the hormones she became more beautiful as a woman by
the month. Ask her for pictures that she has of the holidays and you will
see the difference.

I did not like her decision to leave the university and together with the
Johnsons I tried to convince her not to take that step. In the end we had
to understand it and accepted it. Our contacts to Mr. Wouters, the owner of
the hair salon in Delft, gave us the possibility to guarantee her a
relatively soft landing. The job and the transition from boy to girl worked
rather well. Our big problem was that she stayed alone, until you came on
the scene.

At our first meeting after she met you, she was a different person. She
glowed with optimism and I already though we had won the war. The biggest
set back was of course when you stormed out after her outing. The day after
your flight she came in crying and devastated. That week I saw her daily
and after wards almost once week. During that time as I was afraid that she
would do something stupid to herself. I invited her several times for
dinner and I was impressed by the way she worked on passers by.  She also
invited me for Italian dinners, telling me that it was your mutual
hobby. The last of these invitations was to celebrate the fact that you had
written your letter. I knew intuitively that that was her chance.

Matt, on behalf of all people who know Toni for what she is, I thank you
but I cannot give you a remedy to your problem. From a medical point of
view Toni is a woman. Her body is one hundred percent that of a woman and a
very beautiful woman at that. Her only defect is that appendix between her
legs. I can tell you that the majority of men who have transsexuals as
partners are one hundred percent hetero.  Of course like always, there are
exceptions to the rules.

My last advice to you is to accept her as she is. Talk openly with her
about your problems. Experiment with all the ways of making love that you
both can think of. I assure you that you will find the way best suited for
both of you. I hope you can live up to this advice because in my opinion
Toni deserves it."

We talked some more that evening, about Toni and how I had found back to
her.  I also talked about my love for music and my plans for the future. I
got convinced that he had made no joke about his love of Toni. When I
walked home that evening I decided that I had to give it a try. I would try
to turn off my brains and let my feelings show the direction.

When I saw her the next weekend I told her about the visit. I also told her
that I was ready to surrender. I also told her that she would have to
accept it when I would not cooperate in everything she wanted. She looked
me in the eyes told me that I would not back out. Still I had brought a
bottle of Whiskey with me, to get myself in the mood.

I asked her also for the holiday pictures and although she was reluctant in
the beginning she showed them to me. She had however no reason to be afraid
of showing them. I saw a girl that looked tomboyish with short hair and
almost no visible breasts, but she was undeniably Toni and also on the
pictures strangely attractive. I told her that I would have fallen for her
in Greece too.

Before we started our love making that evening she excused herself and
after some time in the bathroom she came back naked. In my growing lust I
had forgotten that I would not be able to fuck her that way with panties on
that covered her own dick. But it was too late now to change my mind. I
felt her up between her butts and massaged her anus to open up like she had
told me to do.  I avoided touching her ball sack that was visible between
her legs and her fully erected dick. I also had a hairless dick but seeing
that with another person made me horny without end. I had her stick her
butt up to me and started to take her doggy style.

My cock which was carefully oiled by Toni was pushing at her star hole and
I was met with considerable resistance. Only very slowly I got my cock head
in. When it passed the star hole it snapped as if to imprison the head, it
even hurt a little bit. Toni was moaning hoarsely telling me: "Yes Matt,
give me more, give me more and make me a real woman." Because the cock head
is the part of the penis with the biggest diameter the rest of the entrance
was comparably easy. I felt so great, I had had fucked with several
girlfriends before, but this hole was so narrow, so grabbing me and when I
started to move in and out Toni moaned louder. The more sounds she made the
more exited I became.

My movements that were prudently in the beginning became wilder and
wilder. Toni intensified the movements by trashing around on the bed. My
balls slapped against the bridge between her star hole and the base of her
penis. After long gorgeous minutes an even more gorgeous orgasm followed.

The next step was to take her face to face. When she proposed it she was
lying naked on the bed. Her hands cupping her boobs and her legs a little
bit spread. I was standing in front of the bed and was in no way a match
for this creature that must have been from another world, one of fables and
fairy tales.  This body seemed to be made for love even more than that of
any normal woman. She could receive and give with a body that was 100%
female. I was crowned with an erect hairless penis, which did not belong
there, but which I had become to know as a centre of an almost unlimited
lust.

After observing her for only seconds, I decided that I wanted to have
everything of this creation of pure beauty. That meant that I also had to
possess her dick. I kneeled before her and took her dick in my hands. I
gently pulled the foreskin back and kissed her cock head with lips
closed. Afterwards I circled her cock head with my tongue wetting it first
with my saliva and soon tasting her precum. She gasped with surprise while
I had my first real taste of Toni.

Everything was strange because somewhere deep inside me there was still a
voice saying that it was unnatural. But I became horny and hot in a way
that I had never experienced before. I slowly lowered my head on her until
I swallowed all of her dick. My hands tickled her balls and I started to
massage this rod with my tongue and teeth. Toni cried out for joy and lust
and much sooner as I really wanted her body became rigid. I knew this was
the body stiffness that came before an orgasm and then she exploded in my
mouth.

I barely succeeded to swallow her first stream, when a second and a third
hit me. I swallowed, I licked but could not avoid that some of this nectar
was spilling out of my mouth. When her body slackened I crawled on top of
her. We devoured the last of her cum together in an everlasting kiss that
sealed our love in a very special way.

When we calmed down I was still not satisfied. I had decided that I wanted
everything and that still left the position open that she proposed. I laid
her on her back and searched her star hole with my dick. She laid her legs
over my shoulder but when I told her to position them on both sides of me
she got the idea. I entered her and with some gymnastics I was able to kiss
her. From that moment on we had found our position. I came to a gorgeous
orgasm that exploded through my body after a glorious long fuck. Rolling
away from each other but instantly seeking each other again we laid panting
and kissing. She whispered to me "Thank you for making me your woman at
last."

The next time which was on Friday we talked about our sex experiences half
whispering during dining out. We decided that tonight it was my turn. I was
very aware that she fucking me was seen amongst homosexuals as losing
virginity or deflowering, but I did not care. When we got home I was the
one who wanted to get to business right away. She held me back, saying:
"You ´may have noticed that I needed some time in the bath room to prepare
before you enter me. This is something I learned from Marcel. There is
nothing that turns one off more than having a dick full of veces after
fucking someone. That is why we should wash you out before the act."

She took me by the hand to the bath room and showed how she inserted the
shower tube (after removing the browse head) into her anus. After inserting
water she went to the toilet and expelled the water. After she had done
that approximately three times the water was clear and without any signs of
veces. She had me copy this procedure. After that she oiled my anus before
we returned to the bed room and started a long sensual foreplay.

That is how I lost my second virginity.  When she had me laying down on my
back in the end and started to push her dick past my star hole I must have
been one of the hottest persons on the planet. I felt my star hole snap
tighter as her cock head penetrated deeper. Subsequently I felt my anus
being filled with a warm throbbing device that created havoc with my
feelings. We trashed around on the bed threatening to destroy it completely
until I stiffened and felt the same reaction with her. I felt a warm jet of
cum washing my bowels as the water had done some half hour before. I only
could utter a harsh dry muffled cry upon spilling my sperm. I had my first
orgasm caused without direct involvement of touching or having touched my
dick.

It is needless to say that after these nights of almost unlimited sex our
relationship was really cemented. Although after this journey into the
different ways of making love we did not start fucking each other at every
opportunity. As I told you we both still had inhibitions and uncertainty
about the "rightness" of it all. Next to that we loved to just hold and
fondle each other. Only when we had loads of time and we could build an
atmosphere of high sexuality we went further. Because of this special
situation, our sex plays lasted and always went to almost complete
exhaustion.

Because of the uncertainty that we both had, we decided that Toni should
continue her visits with Dr. Smith and that I would accompany her. We both
needed this platform to talk freely about us. Although the session became
more irregular in time, they stayed important to both of us. Also helped by
Dr. Smith our liaison became a very special one.

When I first met her she was a woman to me and I treated her like a
woman. I did not ask questions about her make up and way of dressing. I did
not want o know anything about her menstrual cycles but now I developed an
almost insatiable curiosity. We absolutely had no secrets for each other. I
could ask her to have me try on her panties. I could ask her to make up my
face just for the fun of it. I could talk to her about body and facial
hair. Upon my question why she had fallen in love with me she answered that
that was maybe because I also had a certain measure of androgyny about
me. I shaved my body and hated mustaches and beards. I was in no way a
macho although I could help more in the household.

I asked her why she had not searched for a macho, for a muscular big man
that would have dominated her as the traditional male role required. She
smiled at me and informed me that she had seen too many men like that in
her early youth. She had developed a horror for the thought to become such
a person. When she had found out that she was more female that men she had
always felt herself attracted to the mellower men. I must have looked hurt
at that remark but she explained that my love for music, Italian cuisine,
wine and even my tastes in clothing could not exactly be seen as
traditionally masculine Dutch.

Because I started to spend also the nights with her, we decided that we
wanted to live together. We found an apartment in the old part of town in
one of the so-called old "Patrician" houses that lined the canals. The
apartment was under the roof and next to high ceilings; it also had two
separate bedrooms of which used only one of course. Living together meant
that my hi-fi equipment was now in our mutual apartment and Toni really
started to develop a liking for my music. Now I had a second partner
accompanying me in my journeys into the music.

After we moved into the new apartment one of the first guests was Toni's
sister, Melanie. She was the elder of her two sisters and as already
mentioned one year younger. Her visit had taken much longer than originally
planned. After a two years study to become a teacher she had taken a year
off and went as an Au Pair girl to England. Now, as she did not want to
work as a teacher after all, she was ready to go to study in Amsterdam.

Toni had already told me that also after she had left the parental house
they had had never broken contact. They had seen each other at least once a
week, mostly on Wednesday when the hairdressers had their afternoon
off. Even when she lived in England they had called each other
regularly. From the beginning of our relation, Melanie had been informed
about all details. Upon her return she was now dying for curiosity, how the
man really looked that had made Toni happy.

When Melanie was introduced to me I grasped for breath. They could indeed
have been twins. At the same moment the realization hit me like a hammer
that she was a real, a generic girl. I had to swallow several times to
digest that thought, which did not go unnoticed by Toni. The evening was
like the homecoming both sisters had expected. To me it was clear that the
two had indeed a very intimate relationship. From that moment on Melanie
was part of our family. Also when she went to Amsterdam, she spent most of
the weekends in Delft and with us..

That evening when she was gone I had a discussion with Toni. She asked me,
whether I would choose Melanie if I was given the opportunity. I was at a
loss as I could not answer the question right away. I told her that the
similarity was incredible and that I would have fallen for Melanie indeed
when I would have met her first. Upon that explanation from me her eyes
that were lately always of the bright sparkling kind misted. I saw that
sadness again that I knew so well from our beginnings. Those eyes were more
seductive than everything she could do with her body and probably a
reaction that she could not control.

My confession stood a little bit between us. It was clear though that
although I really was in love with her, I was not blind. Deep within me I
might also have had doubts, whether I was suited one hundred percent for
monogamous life.

I know that Melanie never gave her reason to be afraid, at least not during
our time in Delft. Melanie however was a big tease and liked to provoke her
sister whenever possible. One of these provocations was her arrival for the
weekend on Fridays. Reason for this was that she loved to accompany me to
the White Elephant. Here she would be part of the small group that came to
hear the new releases. Afterwards she would flirt and dance the night away
with the steady group of student friends that was always present.

The job in the club lasted until 4 o'clock in the morning and we mostly did
not leave the club before five. Sometimes when we had interesting
discussions, mostly about music, we only came home at the time that Toni
got up. So normally Melanie and I did not spent much time together on
Saturdays, as we slept mostly until noon. The afternoon was used to get
sober again. The evenings in the White Elephant normally had an alcohol
density of 90%. I had a splendid relation with Melanie, although I never
made advances. She was a very straight forwarded girl and from the
beginning she told me to be really jealous of Toni that she had found me
first.

Melanie had Robert take her out for one reason only; not to be the fifth
wheel on the wagon when we went out on Saturday nights. To me she confessed
that she was not attracted to Robert, a phenomena that I had noticed
before. Women that were attracted to me were not attracted to Robert and
vice versa.

Together with Robert we also intensified our efforts to find a job in this
business. We had several interviews, together and some on our own that were
mostly possible because of our contacts with retailers. The doors during
these appointments stayed closed. Robert, who definitively had more
feminine streaks than I, was automatically drawn into Toni's lure during
that time. Until today he probably still can't explain this strange
attraction from his side.

During the first summer holiday season after we were reunited, when we did
not yet live together, we had stayed at home. During our second summer
holidays I wanted to go abroad. Toni at first was very reluctant. She
refused flatly to go to a travel agency and book a holiday there, because
they would see her passport. For the same reason she did not want to go to
a hotel and she was very strict with her refusals. At the end I proposed to
go to Bergamo.

When I asked Leonard whether we could stay with him, he was in doubt. He
and Ele still lived in a rather small apartment but he said he would think
of a solution.  After a day he called back and told me that we would stay
with Nicola and his wife. I started to object and told him that that had
never been my intention. He told me though that there was no discussion
possible. We went by airplane, which was a first time for both of
us. During the flight she could dress in a kind of uni-sex outfit that had
become popular. Her hair could be in a pony tail and she could go without
make up. At last she gave in and agreed. She was very nervous during the
voyage however but it went by without the slightest incident.

On Linate (the airport of Milan) she changed into something slightly more
feminine. After she had also fixed her make-up, she was ready to meet the
part of my family that she had not met until then. Leonard and a pregnant
Ele were waiting at the gate and they welcomed her like a sister. Their
attitude broke all the ice that may have existed on the part of Toni.

Toni and Italy was something else. Toni fell instantly in love with the
country and the country fell instantly in love with Toni. I was only a
bystander and one who fell from one surprise into the other.  In Holland
she always attracted some glances, some rather stealthy from men who were
accompanied by their women. In Italy however there was open admiration even
from Leonardo. I even teased him about it, telling him that he had become a
real Italian:

We headed for Bergamo and were greeted by Nicola's wife Maria as her
husband was still at work. We arrived at 4 o'clock in the afternoon and she
told us to go to our room and rest a little while, before we would come
down for dinner. When it was time to go down Toni surprised me with the way
she looked. Although her make up was decent as always, I noticed some
subtle differences. The highlights in her face, like the high jaw bones,
the eyes and her lips were definitively more accentuated than usual.

She wore a light dress with a colorful red flower design that came halfway
down to her knees. Her legs were bare and she had put on open high heeled
shoes. Although she had no black hair it was so dark that she looked like
an Italian fashion model ready for the photo shoot. When she entered the
living room all talk ceased. After a short moment of silence Nicola jumped
to his feet, got to her and embraced her. After that he turned to me and
asked whether we had been together at the time when he had made the USA
offer. I told him that we had known each other, but had come together some
months later. He grinned broadly, indicating that he understood everything
now.

As it was August the family also had a lot of free time on their
hands. Italy normally closes down around the middle of August and Nicola
took over. He showed Toni everything of interest in a radius of 100 KM
around Bergamo. Most of the time he seemed to forget that I was also
present. It was funny how he really showed her off to friends and
neighbors. It goes without saying that he was delighted when she showed
some knowledge of the Italian language that was unknown to me.

Nicola, Toni and food were pure poetry. As soon as he found out that she
loved to cook Italian food they were a kitchen pair. Nobody else was
allowed in the kitchen for three days. The dinners they served were so
opulent that I was unable to make real love to Toni afterwards.  On the
fourth days the whole family went together to a restaurant. Probably Nicola
had talked to the owner and the cook because even there they conquered the
kitchen. Now Toni got her first professional instructions about the secrets
of Italian cooking.

For the weekend Nicola announced that we would accompany him and his wife
for a visit to Tuscany. He told us that if we thought the food was good in
the North of Italy, we would be in for a big surprise. According to him the
best Italian kitchen was the Tuscan kitchen. Toni however panicked; away
from Bergamo? Going to a hotel where she had to show Anton's passport and
she could not change there as she had done after the flight from
Holland. Before she could feign a mortal illness the situation was saved,
when Nicola informed us that we would stay with friends. They lived in a
big old farm house in the hills that surround Florence and had plenty of
rooms for all of us.

During the drive southwards he lectured us that at that time the wine
culture in Italy was rapidly changing. Until then it was a cooperative
centered production in which all wines were blended into low quality table
wines. Now the individual vineyards started to produce their own wines. New
rules were introduced to guarantee the purity of the wine. First to arrive
was the DOC qualification. It was given to unblended wines made from one
kind of grape and coming from one vineyard. Afterwards the IGT
qualification was introduced for blended wines.

The weekend was fabulous, Tuscany was fabulous and Florence advanced
instantly to one of our favorite cities. The food and wines were like from
another planet. I already had tried Fiorentina steaks during my former
visits and had told Toni about it. Now we ate them right in the middle of
the Canina region. Here we saw the white cows from which this meat
originated. Nicola made sure that the meat we ate that evening was the best
and from the reaction of Toni I could see that she was impressed.

Maria and I mostly walked behind those two, as Nicola seemed to have only
eyes for Toni. I excused myself to Maria but she told me that that was not
necessary as she also liked Toni very much. Nicola was just acting like any
full blooded Italian man would act with a beautiful woman. But I got along
splendidly with Maria, who herself was also a very beautiful woman. The
holidays were a success and after we got back to Holland, Italy remained
constantly on our minds.

The following years we did not holiday very much as work and other
obligations were prohibiting it. On top of that Toni continued to refuse
traveling that included too much passport showing. The reason for not
returning to Italy was also that we did not want to overburden the family.

A year after my reunion with Toni Robert got his chance to get into the
music business. He was helped a little bit by the nearness that the dealer
he worked for, had with the companies. He was hired by a company based in
Rotterdam. He made a big secret of it and I was taken aback when I only
heard of it later from a third party. Our friendship got a dent and was
never again as good as it had once been. One of the reasons I turned away
rather easily was Toni of course.

The period of time in which that happened was musically without
precedence. After the first efforts of the English groups the second wave
was mind boggling. From the American side there was still no real answer
but The Beach Boys started the next generation of rock albums with Pet
Sounds. But the answer from the UK arrived when Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart
Club Band of the Beatles was released. The Stones denounced one of their
best albums being Their Satanic Majesties Request. At that time they
probably did not understand themselves what they had created.

The Beach Boys continued their development after Pet Sounds and released
the first song of their next album being Good Vibrations. Their new album
would become the most talked about album in history with Smile but it would
never be finished. Jimi Hendrix even made Eric Clapton look like a
beginner. Still Eric was a must for all guitar lovers as were his
successors in the Yardbirds. Firstly Jeff Beck and after that Jimmy Page
who started Led Zeppelin. The latter group not really needed development as
they were a finished product from their beginning and all these acts were
only the top of the iceberg.

Toni, although not exactly sharing my obsession for music, had her
preferences and all records bought were judged during mutual listening
sessions. Those sessions were frequently augmented by visiting friends. It
was a time in which many of the mega stars of today were born. I still
remember our first listening to the Doors and Love. In 1968 the scene
really exploded when the Americans finally found their answer to the
English invasion after the Monterey Pop Festival. Now every week we found
new treasures. We discovered Vanilla Fudge and the Iron Butterfly, we were
awed by The Electric Flag and Blood Sweat and Tears. The Steve Miller Band
with Boz Scaggs amongst its members released their first albums. Without
any publicity The Band appeared on the scene.

Just to give an idea about the sheer number of goodies here some further
examples. Big Brother And The Holding Company with Janis Joplin, Canned
Heat, Mamas And Papas, James Taylor, Neil Young , Randy Newman, The
Quikcksilver Messenger Service and Spirit from America. But also England
was not sitting idle Deep Purple, my all time favorite Family, Fleetwood
Mac, Procul Harum and Traffic appeared. Some of them literally from nowhere
and all these acts were only the top of the iceberg. Only to try to name
all the surprises during that time is sheer impossible.

Two of the groups emerging at that time that did not become mega acts have
to be mentioned here however. The first one is Family the English group
around Roger Chapman and Charlie Whitney. Their albums were mind boggling
from the beginning. Multi instrumental including violin and horns in
combination with streaks of Far Eastern and Middle Eastern music. They also
had impressions from English and American Folk music in their music. They
were also masters of frequent rhythm changes and were praised by every
fellow musician and the music press. In America it was Spirit a group
around Randy California and his drumming stepfather Ed Cassidy that was
known rightly as a musician's favorite. Especially their first two albums
are a must for every serious collector.

Toni knew what records I had and sometimes brought home records by artists
that I had overseen. We both loved to go to concerts. We attended concerts
by Frank Zappa and the Mothers Of Invention with my boss and his wife.
During the concert I had the idea that Mr. Zappa and my boss had a special
private show going on about an American television program called Captain
Fantastic. We saw The Who in a relatively moderate concert in the
Concertgebouw in Amsterdam, moderate as no guitars were smashed in that
one. The Beach Boys again in a concert teaming up with Paul Revere & the
Raiders for a European tour. Every time John Mayall was in the country we
usually went to see him.

To be continued.
Your comments are eagerly awaited at:  mailtomatt@ymail.com