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\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid11617651 (}{\i\f1\insrsid11617651\charrsid11617651 Early in 2006 ASSTR declared a competition to pay homage to a one-time regular contributor who wrote many stories under the name \lquote Deirdre\rquote 
.  The challenge was to take a story by Deirdre as a base for a story of one\rquote s own in some shape or form.  \lquote Signs\rquote  was my response to that challenge, here preceded by the Deirdre story that inspired it \endash  \'93Brother\'94}{
\i\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid11617651 )
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \s15\ql \li0\ri0\sb100\sa100\sbauto1\saauto1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid11617651 \fs24\lang5129\langfe5129\cgrid\langnp5129\langfenp5129 {\insrsid11617651 Brother\line by deirdre, 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname date}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Month}{\xmlattrvalue 9}}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Day}{\xmlattrvalue 27}}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Year}{\xmlattrvalue 1994}}}9/27/94{\*\xmlclose}
\par My jaw dropped. It couldn't be! I come home from college to visit and this! How could Mom not see it?
\par Stacy and Jeff. I'd seen the way Stacy did things with Jeff. The way she'd hand him things. And take them from him. Sharing significant looks but without a word. I'd seen that at school. They were *doing it*! It was plain as the nose on their faces.

\par My younger brother and sister. I had to school myself not to stare at them. And Mom, seemingly not noticing a thing! How could she miss it?
\par That night I was back in my old room. I couldn't get my mind off it. What could I do? I looked up and Stacy was in the room with me. She was looking at me--I wanted to wipe that knowing smile off her face. I just stared at her.
\par "Why don't you say it?" she asked, "Think I don't know what you're thinking?"
\par I couldn't believe she'd bring up the subject! Well, it was broached now. "Stacy! How could you *do* that?"
\par "You *see* what a *hunk* he is. He could pick you up as if you were a child." She was right: Jeff had really filled out. "You couldn't resist him for a second if he tried. Or have you gotten *other* kinds of ideas from that college?"
\par Her smile was so wicked. She approached me and stood above me as I sat on the bed. No, I didn't have her *other*
 ideas! She looked down at me over her chest--she was four inches taller than me and *much* bigger--I felt like a child next to her. "Well?" she asked quietly and put her hand under my chin. I leaned back to draw away but it wasn't enough to escape her. I
 was so afraid of what she'd do next. But she just grinned and turned around and walked out.
\par I was left alone. Stacy and Jeff! And Stacy! She was so forward, so self- assured! What had she done to Jeff?
\par I awoke. It was still night. "Wake up," came a whisper
. It was Jeff! By my bed! He turned on a small light by my bed. "Stacy said you want me," he went on. He pulled my cover off, sat on the edge of the bed, leaned over and took hold of my shoulder. He was so strong and I was so afraid.
\par He paused and looked at me. "She lied, didn't she?" he said. Suddenly he seemed so sweet. "Don't worry, I don't want to *rape* you." He carefully covered me up and kissed me on the forehead. Then he stood up and turned to leave.
\par My hand. It shot out and grabbed his wrist. Staying him. He turned and looked back down at me. He looked so serious. I was so scared.
\par He sat down. "Don't worry," he said, "we won't actually do it." He uncovered me again. He slipped his hand under the hem of my nightgown-- on my leg. Softly he slid it up.
 Soon my nightgown was bunched up in front and his hand was there. He fingered me. Slowly, more and more. My breath started getting rough and I breathed larger and larger breaths. He looked down at me with the most loving smile.
\par I didn't know *what* my body was doing. Was I writhing too much? I didn't care. I mustn't scream though. He didn't stop... just went on and on.
\par And looked down on me as he sat there.
\par It was too much. I came. More and more--I couldn't believe it. He was so good--Stacy must have taught him. What did she *do* to him?
\par He kissed me again on the forehead and he was gone. I lay there and dreamed about it.
\par He smiled at me the next day but then I was going back to school. The next time I was home he had a girlfriend. He got me alone and told 
me that he was faithful to her. I was glad about him and Stacy but I couldn't help thinking about the night when he came to me.
\par That was years ago--now he's faithful to his wife. Completely. I still look at him sometimes and he still sometimes does little 
things for me without asking. And I see his wife noticing--how she tries to hide the shock and fear. And I know exactly what she feels but I can't talk to her. No matter what I said, she would feel worse. If she only knew how lucky she is.
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\par *****************************************************************************}{\insrsid11617651  }{\lbr3\insrsid11617651 \line }{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 Stacy}{\f1\ul\insrsid12788411 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid12458708 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid12458708 {\i\f1\insrsid12458708 Have you seen that story by your sister before, Stacy?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12458708 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12458708 Can you understand now that the police are suspicious her death might not have been the accident it appears?  What do you suppose would happen to your career were that to be published?  Or perhap
s she was blackmailing you or your brother with it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12458708 They can\rquote t think we killed her?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12458708 It\rquote s a possibility they have to consider.  A woman, not very well described but which could have been you was seen leaving her apartment block that evening and none of the other resident say she had been}{
\i\f1\insrsid11617651  their guest}{\i\f1\insrsid12458708 .  On the other hand the Coroner has asked me to form an opinion as to Deirdre\rquote 
s state of mind with a view to considering whether it might have been suicide.  Do you think it might have been?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12458708 No.  She would never have killed herself.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12458708\charrsid4595623 Are you willing to help me build}{\i\f1\insrsid12458708  a picture of the woman she was?
\par 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8877502 {\f1\insrsid12458708\charrsid4595623 Yes, of course.}{\f1\ul\insrsid12458708 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561\charrsid3631561 Would}{\i\f1\insrsid3631561  you like the opportunity to read }{\i\f1\insrsid11617651 the story}{\i\f1\insrsid3631561  again?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 Is it complete fiction?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 Something like that happened?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 You can recall it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 I am only concerned with trying the ascertain the reasons for Deirdre\rquote 
s death.  Neither you nor your brother are on trial here.  Complete confidentiality applies to anything you say to me save for what I feel I need to reveal to the Coroner with regard to his investigation.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8132623 
And I am sure he in his turn will treat everything with the utmost discretion except as it pertains to his judgment.  }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561  I seek only the truth, and to understand.  Do you accept that?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 Good.  So which parts of the story are true, and wh}{\i\f1\insrsid8132623 ich}{\i\f1\insrsid3631561  fiction?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 It\rquote s pretty much as I remember it. I don\rquote t know what happened when Jeff was in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}\rquote s bedroom}{\f1\insrsid8132623 , of course.  Only what he told me afterwards.}{
\f1\insrsid3631561 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 But }{\i\f1\insrsid8132623 your sister\rquote s allegations concerning }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 you and your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid8132623  }{\i\f1\insrsid16540720 ar}{\i\f1\insrsid8132623 e correct}{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3631561 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 Would y}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 ou}{\i\f1\insrsid3631561  be surprised to learn that}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid348536\charrsid7239019 Deirdre}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 was}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid3631561 still }{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 a virgin}{\i\f1\insrsid11617651  when she died}{\i\f1\insrsid9649571\charrsid7239019 , her hymen intact}{
\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 ?
\par }{\f1\insrsid537927\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 Yes.  A bit.  I know she wasn\rquote t big on sex, but never to have done it at all\'85}{\f1\insrsid1991403\charrsid7239019   That\rquote s }{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 \'85 hard to understand}{
\f1\insrsid1991403\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 Were you surprised to read that }{\i\f1\insrsid12458708 it appears }{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 she}{\i\f1\insrsid8347654\charrsid7239019 \rquote d never}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid14426253 had intercourse}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019  with }{\i\f1\insrsid12458708 your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid12794824\charrsid7239019 ?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 No.  I\rquote m still very *close* to Jeff and he\rquote d have told me if}{\f1\insrsid2376857  t}{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 he}{\f1\insrsid2376857 y}{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019  had.  }{
\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 After that night we decided s}{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 he just had a th}{\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 ing about incest and couldn\rquote t, }{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 
so Jeff never pushed it.  He\rquote d have done it had she wanted him to and }{\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 he says }{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 it was like she enjoyed scaring herself with it}{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019  so they
\rquote d fiddle about with some heavy foreplay - I guess that\rquote s what Dee means by \'93does little things for me\'94 in that }{\f1\insrsid348536\charrsid7239019 last}{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019  paragraph}{
\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019  -}{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019  but he always knew she didn\rquote t want him to go all the way and she seemed happier if he didn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019 , ah, take things in that direction
}{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 .  Jeff found it a little unnerving}{\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019  -}{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019  said she was like a kid on the}{\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019  high board for the first time who}
{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019  keeps creeping up to the edg}{\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019 e but whose nerve keeps failing}{\f1\insrsid8351393\charrsid7239019 , }{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 and }{\f1\insrsid8351393\charrsid7239019 
he }{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 often wished they would do it and have done}{\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019  with it}{\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 , but it never happened.}{\f1\insrsid13200790\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 Did you not talk about it to Deirdre?  After all, }{\i\f1\insrsid5588638\charrsid7239019 Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019  was brother to both of you.
\par }{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019 
\par N}{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 ever.}{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019 Not after that night.  }{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019 She was my sister but we were n}{\f1\insrsid8347654\charrsid7239019 
ot that}{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019  close.  }{\f1\insrsid1654564 Five}{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019  years is a lot when you\rquote re kids, and anyway Jeff was always between us.}{\f1\insrsid537927\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019   And not just in age.  He was a bit like a bone between two dogs.  When I was just a little kid he was my hero - you know}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 , big}{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019 
, brave and strong, all that stuff.  Hell, he was fun.  He did fun things the way boys d}{\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019 id}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 , and}{\f1\insrsid6388191\charrsid7239019 
 if I wanted to do those fun things I had to get him to agree to take me with him so Mom would let me go.  }{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 So I had to be nice to him to make him want to take me}{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019  along}{
\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid12788411\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} was always coming the big sister, tho\rquote .   She thought *she* should be looking after me, not Jeff. }{\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019  Didn\rquote t like it that I\rquote d rather be }{
\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019 out playing }{\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019 with the boys than }{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 playing at dolls with her}{\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019 Maybe she was a bit jealous.  She\rquote d had no option but to grow up doing }{\f1\insrsid1196771\charrsid7239019 what girls are supposed to}{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 , I think}{
\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019  And she wanted Jeff, too}{\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 , tho\rquote  n}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 ot in a sex way, I}{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 \rquote 
d say}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 .  She wanted him to be}{\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019  a }{\f1\insrsid8132623 *}{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 real}{\f1\insrsid8132623 *}{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019 b}{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 rother}{\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019  for her}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid9773222\charrsid7239019  protect her from creepy-crawlies,}{
\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019  be a shoulder to cry on,}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019  fetch and carry for her.  I remember }{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 when she was t}{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 hirteen}{
\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019  or so }{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 she }{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 had a thing about knights and dragons and maidens in distress.  }{\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 All the books and videos. }{
\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019   Jeff was only ten}{\f1\insrsid12458708  or eleven}{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 , but he was already }{\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019 almost }{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 
as tall as her and a lot stronger and I think she wanted him to be her St. George.}{\f1\insrsid537927\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 Are you saying Jeff wasn\rquote t a *real* brother }{\i\f1\insrsid3689659\charrsid7239019 to you }{\i\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 because }{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 a }{
\i\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 *real* brother}{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019  would}{\i\f1\insrsid6695259\charrsid7239019  no}{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 t have}{\i\f1\insrsid3689659\charrsid7239019  had sex with you}{
\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid14836115\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 No.  M}{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 y brother and I screwed}{\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 , yeah, but he was still a real brother to me}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019   But those knights in the stories, protecting a maiden\rquote s honour}{\f1\insrsid14701403\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid8347654\charrsid7239019  All romance and no sex.  }{
\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 That kind\rquote a crap.  That was what {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} wanted, I guess.}{\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 Do you}{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019  think Deirdre }{\i\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 deci}{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 ded Jeff }{\i\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 could}{
\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019  not b}{\i\f1\insrsid13267724\charrsid7239019 e}{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019  a *real* brother to }{\i\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 her}{\i\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 
 because of what he was doing with you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7619903\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t think she knew.  I honestly don\rquote t think she knew, until }{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 th}{\f1\insrsid14701403\charrsid7239019 at}{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 night}{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 Looking back at it now}{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 , tho\rquote , }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 
I guess we must have been giving all the signs.  }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 Kids \endash  and we were }{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 still }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 just kids}{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 
 when we started}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 , }{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 don\rquote t forget, }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 I was thirteen and Jeff fifteen \endash  aren\rquote t very good at hiding }{
\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 signs of }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 things when we don\rquote t realise there are }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 signs}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019  to be }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 
seen}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 .  I just knew Jeff made me fee}{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 l like a woman \endash  hell, when he screwed}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019  me it blew my mind \endash  and I was so grateful to him}{
\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  for it}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019  I\rquote d \lquote a done anything for him and wanted him to know it.  I }{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 didn\rquote 
t realise it }{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 could be }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 so obvious.}{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 Now }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 
I can see it all around me with other people\rquote s kids}{\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019  and}{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019  often it\rquote s the parents that }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 are blindest}{
\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019  But I think that\rquote s often because they }{\f1\insrsid5915272\charrsid7239019 don\rquote t want to se}{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 e. }{
\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019  It\rquote s hard to credit, now}{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 , that}{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} took so long to catch on.}{
\f1\insrsid11471756\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 Did }{\i\f1\insrsid5264579\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 your}{\i\f1\insrsid5264579\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019  parents}{\i\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019  }
{\i\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019 not want to }{\i\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 see}{\i\f1\insrsid11929386\charrsid7239019  you and your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 ?
\par }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 Oh }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 I}{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 \rquote m sure}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019  Mom did know}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  \lquote bout Jeff and me}{
\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 , but she never said anything \endash  apart from telling me }{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 early on }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 what I needed to know to avoid getting pregnant }{
\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 but in a general kind of way and }{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 that\rquote s the kind of thing every Mom tells her daughter }{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019 sooner or later}{
\f1\insrsid9524222\charrsid7239019 , isn\rquote t it?}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid7014320\charrsid7239019 Obviously }{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 she didn\rquote t know unti
l after it had begun when of course it was too late}{\f1\insrsid7014320\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  so what was she to do?  Coming down hard on us then}{\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 
wouldn\rquote t have made me a virgin again}{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  and would just have screwed up the family, and anyway she doted on Jeff.  He couldn\rquote t do anything wrong}{
\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  in her eyes}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 , even to screwing his little sister}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019  I guess}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 , and maybe she saw it wasn\rquote 
t doing me any harm\'85.  I dunno.}{\i\f1\insrsid12081113\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 Your father?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 Oh, he\rquote d gone.  Great bust up years before.  When I was only f}{\f1\insrsid1654564 ive}{\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 
.  I mean, we exchanged Christmas cards and things, and met him in an airport lounge occasionally, but he wasn\rquote t family.  }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 He\rquote d played around on Mom, that was why the divorce, and she never forgave him.}{
\f1\insrsid7479469\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 So how did the sex part of your relationship with your brother begin?
\par }{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8347654\charrsid7239019 I}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 t just kinda\rquote  happened.  Like I said, }{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 I wanted Jeff to take me places}{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019  with him}{
\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 Most girls learn sooner or later}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  that the way to a }{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 guy}{
\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019 \rquote s h}{\f1\insrsid5657061\charrsid7239019 eart is through his prick, and my brother}{\f1\insrsid917697\charrsid7239019  was the first guy I needed to work that trick on.  }{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 
Once he was old enough to}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  start wonder}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 ing}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  about girls}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 
 I was a girl he could easily get alone}{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 to find out on.  And I didn\rquote t mind.  It was part of the fun.  It felt nice when he }{\f1\insrsid14701403\charrsid7239019 
found out about }{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 me, and when I found out what I could do for his prick }{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 it made me feel ten feet tall }{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 \endash  little ol\rquote 
 me able to make it g}{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 r}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 o}{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 w so }{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 powerful}{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019  and as}{
\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  stiff as a bone}{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 .  It was even scary, but in a nice }{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 tummy-tickling }{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 kind\rquote a way}{
\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  and }{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 when I could make it}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  squirt stuff he }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 told me}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 
 made babies, it made me feel that I, me, mattered.  I wasn\rquote t just the }{\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019 kid sister}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019 he had to tote about }{
\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 any more.}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019   He was my big brother, but I }{\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019 more than earned my place }{\f1\insrsid4917031\charrsid7239019 with}{
\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019  him}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4917031\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 As he found out more and more about sex he\rquote d pass it on to me and we\rquote d do it, or at least try to do it, }{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 until one day he was there inside me, stroking }{
\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019 himself}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019  up and down inside me and I felt that all my Christmases had come at once.}{\f1\insrsid10757459\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 Were you fully aware of what you and he had done?  Not only sexual intercourse, but incest as well?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 Oh yeah.  I knew about incest.   It was usually fathers going to jail for screwing their daughters, but I knew it covered brothers and sisters as well.  But brothers didn\rquote t seem to get }{
\f1\insrsid11019974\charrsid7239019 caught as you never heard of one being }{\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 sent to jail for it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14580558\charrsid7239019 Given that, how did you feel about it?
\par }{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 Hell}{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019  I was over the moon}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 .  I remember }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 thinking I}{
\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019  was only }{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 thirteen but I\rquote d done *it* and I knew in my heart that my big sister who was }{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 
eighteen }{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 hadn\rquote t.  I just knew she hadn\rquote t.  I knew she hadn\rquote t with Jeff \lquote cos }{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 he}{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 \rquote d}{
\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019  told me that}{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019  they}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 \rquote d never done anything }{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 like sex}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019  and I knew from the gossip at school that all the boys thought of her as just a prick-teaser.  The couple }{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 of boys }{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 she\rquote 
d actually gone out with }{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 said she }{\f1\insrsid11019974\charrsid7239019 hardly}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019  let }{\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019 them get }{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 their 
hands into her knickers}{\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019  - so Jeff said -}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019  and she never}{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019  had a boy-friend for very long, I guess because they quickly found out that }{
\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 they\rquote d get nowhere with her.}{\f1\insrsid11348843\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 
\par But I\rquote d done it with Jeff.  When he was inside me, humping up and down on me, my big brother was mine.  All mine.  And even when he wasn\rquote t he was still mine, not Dee\rquote s, because he\rquote d possessed me, }{
\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 gone all the way with me, }{\f1\insrsid7155977\charrsid7239019 not her, and I guess that was what she saw}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  and why she didn\rquote t like it.  'Sibling rivalry' }{
\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019 you}{\f1\insrsid14034234\charrsid7239019 \rquote d}{\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019  probably call it}{\f1\insrsid10881432\charrsid7239019 , and she\rquote d lost}{\f1\insrsid15097510\charrsid7239019  out}{
\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid10495639\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019 After that initial intercourse with your brother though, when you had the experience and knew what you were capable of in that direction, did you not begin to think about e}{\i\f1\insrsid3016873\charrsid7239019 njoy}
{\i\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019 ing it with boys other than your own brother?  }{\i\f1\insrsid14701403\charrsid7239019 Perhaps even}{\i\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid14701403\charrsid7239019 that }{
\i\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019 your brother was no longer a necessary part of the equation?
\par }{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 Well, o}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 nce I\rquote d done it with }{\f1\insrsid9456850\charrsid7239019 Jeff}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 
 there were a couple of other guys I let do it, but only if Jeff said it was OK.  He didn\rquote t want me becoming the school bike and kept m}{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 e on a tight-rein, but I didn\rquote t mind}{
\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 .  There was a g}{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 ang}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019  of us, boys and a few girls, and we kept it to ourselves.  Easier that way, and a lot more fun \lquote 
cos you know them all and trust them. }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019  \'93Cos if they blow the whistle on you, you can blow it on them.}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019  They knew about Jeff and me, of course.  Hell, they even watched us do}{
\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019 ing}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019  it.  But most of the other girls were sisters, too, and }{\f1\insrsid12458708 screw}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 
ed with their brothers in the gang as well as the other guys.  No-one thought any}{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 thing wrong in}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019  it}{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019  - b}{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019 
rothers and sisters doing it}{\f1\insrsid12458708  \endash  because we all did.  }{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 It was just sex}{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 -for-}{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 sex
\rquote s-sake}{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 But I liked it \lquote specially with Jeff.  I don\rquote t know if he felt like it, but I always though}{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 t}{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019  it was }{
\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 different and somehow }{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 special when we did it.  It\rquote s hard to say, but I think he }{\f1\insrsid8342567\charrsid7239019 was}{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 a }{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 different }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 guy }{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 when he was in me}{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019  than with other girls}{
\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 , because I was his sister.  It *felt* different to me.  When we did it at home, just us two, it was usually because I came onto him.  He was getting enough, from older and prettier girls than me}{
\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019  who weren\rquote t his sister}{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019 , not to always have it on his mind the way }{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 most}{\f1\insrsid15286872\charrsid7239019  guys do, but I couldn\rquote 
t get enough of him and he was usually willing to oblige.  }{\f1\insrsid8871967\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 The incident Deirdre wr}{\i\f1\insrsid15097510\charrsid7239019 ites}{\i\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019  about.  You say you recall it?
\par }{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16540720 Yeah}{\f1\insrsid9514257\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 I remember }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 it}{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 , when she came home from college and realised}{
\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 , }{\f1\insrsid7014320\charrsid7239019 a}{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 t }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 long }{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 last, }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 that }{
\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 me}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  and Jeff}{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019  were screwing.  She was }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 always }{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 
trying so hard to be grown-up. }{\f1\insrsid11802281\charrsid7239019  I guess it comes of being the o}{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 ldest.    Always having to look after us 'younger ones'.  }{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 Having to se
t an example. }{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 She went on and on about her flat and the girls she shared with, the societies she\rquote d joined, the coffee-bars she went to.  It was all so clean}{\f1\insrsid13636361\charrsid7239019  and wholesome,}
{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019  and I was sure it was just for Mom\rquote s benefit, }{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 to }{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 let Mom know her little girl had grown up and could be trusted.
\par 
\par So the first time I got her alone I asked her about guys, - you know}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 , sister-to-}{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 sister }{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 secret}{\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019 s}{
\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 stuff -}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  and}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019  thinking she might tell me all}{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019  the *naughty* }{
\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019 bits}{\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019  she hadn\rquote t told Mom, but she went all stiff and distant like I\rquote d touched on something taboo, and she announced that she hadn\rquote 
t gone to college for *that* kind of thing, like it was all beneath her and I was still a kid for asking.
\par }{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 
\par But I wasn\rquote t a kid any more.  I knew all about guys and their pricks, and what their pricks felt like in my cunt, my mouth, my a}{\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019 ss}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 .  I knew that even as a f}{
\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 ourt}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 een-year-old girl I was the equal of any {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}three seventeen{\*\xmlclose}-year-old football-playing hunks when it came to se
x.  I was sure that whatever my big sister had got up to }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 with guys }{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 at college I had already been there, done that, }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 and could talk }{
\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019 with her }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 about it }{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 woman to woman}{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 .  S}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 o }{
\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 to be treated like a kid again}{\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019  by her}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019  really got up my }{\f1\insrsid4282647\charrsid7239019 ass}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 !}{
\f1\insrsid12797317\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 
\par And for the first time I wondered about my big sister still being a virgin.  }{\f1\insrsid6119838 From her reaction }{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 I was sure she was.  I hadn\rquote t really thought about it before because, well, I\rquote 
d assumed it was just Deirdre being Deirdre.  I mean}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019  I knew I was *supposed* to still be a virgin}{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019  and even pretended to be one for Mom}{
\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019  just as she pretended I still was}{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 , and I certainly knew I was }{\f1\insrsid15097510\charrsid7239019 not }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 *supposed* to }{
\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 let}{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019  my own brother}{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019  screw me}{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 , let alone }{\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019 encourage}{
\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019  him do}{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019  it. Yeah, }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 I even did think of myself as a bit of slut but it didn\rquote t bother me as I couldn\rquote 
t see any reason why it should.  Until then I\rquote d just sort of supposed that Deirdre }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 had }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 had all the same opportunities and temptations to be }{
\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 a slut}{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019  but, being more *proper*, and maybe stronger-willed than me, }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 and maybe trying harder to please Mom, }{\f1\insrsid15552826\charrsid7239019 
had just said \lquote no\rquote  when I said \lquote hell, yes\rquote . }{\f1\insrsid7302247\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1602220\charrsid7239019 But that was when}{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019  I wondered for the first time if there wasn\rquote t more to it than that}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 
.  Hell, even Mom asked her about guys and had seemed surprised when Deirdre had said she hadn\rquote t had enough free time to meet any.  I\rquote m sure Mom wouldn\rquote t have been }{\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019 upset}{
\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019 to learn that}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019  Deirdre }{\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019 had }{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 gotten herself screwed senseless }{
\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019 for }{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 the whole of}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019  her first }{\f1\insrsid15998020\charrsid7239019 semester}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid9524222\charrsid7239019   When I went away }{\f1\insrsid15998020\charrsid7239019 Mom}{\f1\insrsid9524222\charrsid7239019  kind\rquote a hinted to me that that\rquote s what she\rquote d done, and maybe she was hoping it would }{
\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 help }{\f1\insrsid9524222\charrsid7239019 wean me off my brother.  }{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019  I mean, }{\f1\insrsid9524222\charrsid7239019 {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee}{
\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 {\*\xmlclose} was eighteen, petite and }{\f1\insrsid13636361\charrsid7239019 gorgeous}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 .  As long as she was sensible }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 about it}{
\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019  \endash  and \lquote sensible\rquote  was the one thing everyone }{\f1\insrsid13636361\charrsid7239019 agreed}{\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019  she was }{\f1\insrsid15097510\charrsid7239019 - and}{
\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  didn\rquote t let herself get knocked-up }{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 Mom wouldn\rquote t have cared less, I\rquote m sure.  Her l
ittle girl had grown up, and getting themselves screwed senseless when they first leave home is what}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  normal}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019  grown-up girls do.}{\f1\insrsid6181525\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 
\par So I thought about it a lot.  Was it that she was scared of sex?  Being the }{\f1\insrsid15429783\charrsid7239019 o}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 ldest she\rquote d been brought up more strictly than me a
nd Jeff, had more responsibility put on her.  }{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019 Was she inhibited and afraid of breaking what she }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 still }{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019 
thought were the rules?  Or did she prefer girls over boys?  I was old enough to know a little about that, and had found out for myself that another girl\rquote s fingers and tongue could be a lot more skilful than any boy\rquote s, but a girl didn
\rquote t have a prick and that, for me, had always been what I really wanted.  Or was she still *saving* herself for }{\f1\insrsid348536\charrsid7239019 her Prince}{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019  the way the princesses in those books she\rquote 
d loved years before did?  I couldn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 really }{\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019 get }{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019 her at all.}{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
\par Then I }{\f1\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019 saw from the way she looked at me that}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019  she}{\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019 \rquote d}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
 cottoned-on to the fact Jeff and I were screwing.  I certainly didn\rquote t tell }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 her }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 and Jeff }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 told me}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
 he hadn\rquote t, and she didn\rquote t catch us at it so it must have been the way she says \endash  she just saw the *signs*}{\f1\insrsid408763 .}{\f1\insrsid2565553 
\par }{\f1\insrsid408763 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid408763 Do you know what she meant by *signs*?}{\i\f1\insrsid408763\charrsid408763 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid408763 I guess so}{\f1\insrsid5911672\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019  I\rquote d seen it at school}{\f1\insrsid15097510\charrsid7239019 , too}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
.  Brothers and sisters who were a little too *close*}{\f1\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019 , and perhaps trying a little too hard not to show it}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 .  We\rquote 
d even invited some into our little gang.  I guess teachers are }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 often }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 aware of it, too, but }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 decide }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 it
\rquote s none of their business. }{\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019  Too complicated.  Too dangerous to get involved in.  }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 I suppo}{\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019 se others saw it in Jeff and me}{
\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019  but at the time I don\rquote t think it occurred to }{\f1\insrsid7014320\charrsid7239019 us to }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 look for it in ourselves even when we saw it in others.  At that age you don\rquote 
t, do you}{\f1\insrsid11019974\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11019974\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11019974\charrsid7239019 Not consciously, perhaps,}{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019  but as the }{\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019  parental }{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019 discovery of an incestuous relationship \endash 
 or even a purely sexual one for a thirteen-year-old \endash  }{\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019 is }{\i\f1\insrsid11880531 a }{\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019 potentially threatening}{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019 situation }{\i\f1\insrsid1211823 which }{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019 most children are instinctively aware of}{\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019 
 there will be an subconscious drive to conceal it.  As good acting requires both awareness and experience it is rare for a child, lacking both, to carry it off successfully.}{\f1\insrsid11019974\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019 Yeah. }{\f1\insrsid408763  I guess.  }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 So when I saw the signs in Deirdre, the way she looked at him not knowing the tip of her tongue was }{\f1\insrsid7014320\charrsid7239019 just }{
\f1\insrsid11745153\charrsid7239019 between}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  her lips, or hung around him, or laughed a little too much when he said something funny. I thought she\rquote }{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 d}{
\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  gotten Jeff to screw her}{\f1\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019  as well,}{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019  and when he said he hadn\rquote t I was surprised.  That\rquote 
s when I realised she must have guessed we were doing it, and that she was jealous of me.}{\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019   And wanted to\'85  I don\rquote t know.  Share him, I suppose.  Not let me have all of him.}{
\f1\insrsid12919392\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019 The way Deirdre tells it you were pretty much challenging her to claim her share.  Were you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019 I guess so.  Then again, no.  It wasn\rquote t a matter of \lquote shares\rquote .  Jeff screwing {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} wouldn\rquote t have bothered me at all}{
\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 .  He would always be my brother.  She couldn\rquote t take him away from me like}{\f1\insrsid7359198\charrsid7239019  she could}{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 , say, a husband}{\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019 
 or even a boyfriend}{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 .  I\rquote d maybe have got a bit piqued had I suddenly felt in need of a screw and she\rquote d already have snaffled him for one but, well, there\rquote s sharing and sharing, hey, and I\rquote 
d shared Jeff before like that.}{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019   Anyway she}{\f1\insrsid11933264 \rquote d be away at}{\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019  college }{\f1\insrsid11933264 most of the time }{\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019 so I knew I
\rquote d have him pretty much to myself for a couple more years.}{\f1\insrsid2565553\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 Were you serious about your sister being a lesbian?}{\i\f1\insrsid13636361\charrsid7239019   I\rquote m assuming that\rquote s what you meant when you accused her of having picked up *other* ideas.}{
\i\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 I guess so, yes.  But I was only fourteen so I don\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid5847253\charrsid7239019 suppose}{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019  I really understood.  I knew girl-girl sex, but didn\rquote 
t really understand the whole \lquote gay\rquote  thing.  To me girl on girl was something you only did for an occasional change, or if }{\f1\insrsid13636361\charrsid7239019 there weren\rquote t enough guys to go around.}{
\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019   I guess I was accusing her of settling for second-best because she was scared of *the real thing*.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 And now?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 Was my sister a }{\f1\insrsid283089\charrsid7239019 card-carrying lesbian?  No.  Not a card-carrying one, anyway.  Even lesbians don\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid7357260\charrsid7239019 often }{
\f1\insrsid283089\charrsid7239019 have intact hymen}{\f1\insrsid7359198\charrsid7239019 s}{\f1\insrsid7357260\charrsid7239019 , I\rquote d a\rquote  thought}{\f1\insrsid283089\charrsid7239019 .  And no, I don\rquote 
t think she was a repressed one, either.  What I saw in her eyes when she looked at Jeff was a }{\f1\insrsid408763 girl}{\f1\insrsid283089\charrsid7239019  longing for a prick to press her button}{\f1\insrsid5847253\charrsid7239019 
 and a good long, honest screw}{\f1\insrsid858490\charrsid7239019  to blow her mind}{\f1\insrsid283089\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid16733823\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid283089\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 I thought at first she was being stupid.  If she wanted Jeff to screw her, all she had to do was ask.  I mean, he }{\f1\insrsid4942392\charrsid7239019 was always }{\f1\insrsid140699\charrsid7239019 
a bit in awe of her, big sister and all that, and I was surprised when he said he hadn\rquote t noticed the signs}{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019  like I had, but if she\rquote d }{\f1\insrsid858490\charrsid7239019 said }{
\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 something or even dropped a big enough hint he\rquote d have given her his best, and loved it.  When }{\f1\insrsid11933264 Jeff told me she ha}{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 dn\rquote 
t I decided she must have some kind of hang-up about it \endash  about sex with your own brother \endash  and that\rquote s when I challenged her about it.}{\f1\insrsid140699 
\par }{\f1\insrsid408763 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid408763 That\rquote s the incident she describes in the story?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid408763\charrsid408763 Yeah.
\par }{\f1\insrsid5847253\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14838849\charrsid7239019 What exactly were you accusing her of \lquote thinking\rquote  about you?  }{\i\f1\insrsid462273\charrsid7239019 What were you challenging her to say}{\i\f1\insrsid11802281\charrsid7239019  to you}{
\i\f1\insrsid462273\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid5847253\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14838849\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14838849\charrsid7239019 Oh, I can\rquote t really remember now.   I\rquote m not sure I really had anything }{\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 particular }{\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019 in mind}{\f1\insrsid14838849\charrsid7239019 
.  It was just the way she looked at me, like I\rquote d farted in church.
\par }{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 If your sister\rquote s account is accurate you both knew you were talking about}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  your}{\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019  incest}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 
 even though }{\i\f1\insrsid1605008\charrsid7239019 the fact you were having}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019  sex with Jeff }{\i\f1\insrsid1605008\charrsid7239019 hadn\rquote t been mentioned}{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019  or even}{
\i\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 , from your sister\rquote s point of view, }{\i\f1\insrsid739154\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 confirmed}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 .  How d}{\i\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 
id }{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 you }{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 k}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 n}{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 ow}{\i\f1\insrsid1211823\charrsid7239019 , as you obviously did}{\i\f1\insrsid1211823 ,}
{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019  that when she }{\i\f1\insrsid13304415\charrsid7239019 asked \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 how could you *do* that?\'94 she was talking about incest}{\i\f1\insrsid8680869\charrsid7239019 
 with your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019  rather than }{\i\f1\insrsid13304415\charrsid7239019 just }{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 having sex with any}{\i\f1\insrsid8680869\charrsid7239019  other}{
\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8680869\charrsid7239019 boy}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know.  I can\rquote t remember, now.  I can\rquote t remem}{\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 ber word for word what was said}{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019  but yeah, I kn}{
\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 o}{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 w it was my having sex with Jeff that upset her much more than my }{\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 having sex, tho\rquote  I don
\rquote t think she}{\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 \rquote d}{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019  have approved of that either.
\par }{\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019 But \'93how could you *do* that?\'94
 suggests to me that she was asking how you could want to undertake something unpleasant, distasteful.  Something not being forced on you but which you had chosen to do.  Someone with an aversion to }{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 mice}{
\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019  watching me }{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 play with}{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019 
 one might ask me that question in that way.  Do you think it was it the physical act of intercourse, with penetration, vaginal lubrication, semen}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 , sweat, }{\i\f1\insrsid10387320\charrsid7239019 the }{
\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 gasping and groaning}{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10387320\charrsid7239019 and groping }{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019 etc. she found distasteful, or th
e fact that the penis doing the penetrating, the semen}{\i\f1\insrsid4485505\charrsid7239019 , the groping hands, }{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019  etc. w}{\i\f1\insrsid2958889\charrsid7239019 ere}{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019  your}{
\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  own}{\i\f1\insrsid4599042\charrsid7239019  brother\rquote s?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 Well, both I suppose.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 Do you think she would have found penetration, semen}{\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid2958889\charrsid7239019 groping, }{
\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 etc}{\i\f1\insrsid2958889\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid2958889\charrsid7239019 from}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  a boy other than your brother as }{
\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 being }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 less objectionable?}{\i\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 I guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 So have you any idea why the fact it was your }{\i\f1\insrsid11802281\charrsid7239019 own }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 brother}{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 \rquote s semen}{
\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 should }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 ma}{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 k}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 e it}{\i\f1\insrsid13304415\charrsid7239019  seem
}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  *more* objectionable}{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019  to her}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know.  I can\rquote t say.  That\rquote s your field really, isn\rquote t it?}{\f1\insrsid1905129\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 Yes, but I can only work with what I learn }{\i\f1\insrsid11232618 of the particular situation}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019    You}{\i\f1\insrsid11232618\charrsid11232618  }{
\i\f1\insrsid11232618\charrsid7239019 are}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 yourself }{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 clearly aware that many girls}{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 
 are totally untroubled by what is generally regarded as one of the last taboos in the West and quite happily have sex with their brothers \endash  or even their fathers, come to that.  }{\i\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 Yet t}{
\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 here are also many who still seem to }{\i\f1\insrsid1211823 regard the}{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019  taboo as the expression of a natural }{\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 or supernatural }{
\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 law}{\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 and}{\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid1211823 view}{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019  incest is }{
\i\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 therefore }{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 unnatural and a perversion}{\i\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019  \endash  that it\rquote s inherently vile }{\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 - as}{
\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019  seems to have been the case with Deirdre.  However it\rquote s rare to find two girls}{\i\f1\insrsid12283942\charrsid7239019  in the same family}{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 , one with each }{
\i\f1\insrsid863062\charrsid7239019 opposite }{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 view so clearly adopted.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 H}{\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 ave }{\i\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 you }{
\i\f1\insrsid7673239\charrsid7239019 any idea how t}{\i\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 his situation could have arisen?}{\i\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 No.  I\rquote ve never thought about it.  I mean, Deirdre was just Deirdre.  I\rquote d come home with mud all over me and frogs in my pockets.  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}De}{\f1\insrsid11232618 e}{
\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 {\*\xmlclose} treated mud the way she\rquote d treat steaming hot shit, and loathed slimy things.}{\f1\insrsid7826289\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 Semen is slimy.}{\i\f1\insrsid13304415\charrsid7239019   So would her genitals have been, during sex.}{\i\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 Yeah, well, maybe.  It might have been the slime and the sweat that put her off sex, but I know she hated it that I\rquote d had sex with my brother.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 Because }{\i\f1\insrsid13304415\charrsid7239019 you had and }{\i\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 she hadn\rquote t?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5523005\charrsid7239019 Maybe.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8347654\charrsid7239019 It\rquote s what she seems to think you were suggesting, if her account is accurate.}{\i\f1\insrsid14838849\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 
\par It was pretty much as she describes it.  I came right out with it, that I knew she knew Jeff and me were }{\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 screwing, that it was fantastic, }{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 that it was stupid to have hang-up}{
\f1\insrsid740682\charrsid7239019 s}{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019  about it}{\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019  and that she ought to do it herself. }{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 When she still wouldn\rquote 
t talk about it or even admit to me \endash  or herself \endash  }{\f1\insrsid4877954\charrsid7239019 that she wanted to }{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 I gave up in disgust and sikked Jeff onto her.  I knew she wanted it, and t
hought maybe if he went to her she\rquote d give in to him so she could tell herself she was doing it for hi}{\f1\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019 s sake, if}{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019  she }{\f1\insrsid10767633\charrsid7239019 need}{
\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 ed}{\f1\insrsid16546720\charrsid7239019  to fool herself}{\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid10566421\charrsid7239019   But she didn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid1211823 , so Jeff said.}{
\f1\insrsid6115744\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 There is a discrepancy here.  We\rquote ve established, have we not, that your sister asked you how you could allow your own brother to have}{\i\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019  sexual}{
\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019  intercourse with you }{\i\f1\insrsid8456259\charrsid7239019 in a way that reveals}{\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019  she }{\i\f1\insrsid13137140\charrsid7239019 clearly }{\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 
thought of it as a particularly unpleasant, even nasty, }{\i\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 physical act, and }{\i\f1\insrsid8456259\charrsid7239019 probably }{\i\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 immoral too,}{\i\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 
 and expected you to also regard it that way. \'93How could you *do* that?\'94  Yet you seem certain she was keen to commit the same }{\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 unpleasant, even nasty }{\i\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 physical }{
\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 and immoral }{\i\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 act with your brother.  }{\i\f1\insrsid9327304\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 Yeah, you\rquote re right.  I hadn\rquote t looked at it like that.  But she was hot for him.  I\rquote m certain she was.  I saw all the signs.  And }{\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 what about }{
\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 what she says happened later, with Jeff}{\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019   What does she say?  Yeah, it\rquote s here.  \'93I lay there and dreamed about it\'94
.  About Jeff fingering her at least, if not screwing her.  I mean, it was her }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 own }{\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 brother\rquote s fingers in her }{\f1\insrsid8608686\charrsid7239019 fanny }{
\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 she was dreaming about.  Why not his prick?
\par }{\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 You said a moment ago you told your sister \'93that it was stupid to have hang-ups about it.\'94  I assume \'93it\'94 refers to incest rather than simple intercourse.  Your sister makes no mention of }{
\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 that}{\i\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid5720682\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 No, well, I can\rquote t remember exactly who said what.  I\rquote m sure there was a b}{\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 i}{\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 t more than she says}{
\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 , a little more talking, but}{\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019  she obviously wrote }{\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 this}{\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019  a lot later}{\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 
 so her memory\rquote s going to be a bit suspect, too.   I mean it reads like a story}{\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 , }{\f1\insrsid7359198\charrsid7239019 like fiction, }{\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 not a letter or a }{
\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 diary }{\f1\insrsid13137140\charrsid7239019 entry }{\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 or something}{\f1\insrsid13137140\charrsid7239019  personal}{\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 
.  Does anyone know why she did write it?}{\f1\insrsid12149657\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 No.  It was found }{\i\f1\insrsid9192669\charrsid7239019 o}{\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 n }{\i\f1\insrsid9192669\charrsid7239019 the hard-drive of the desktop computer in }{
\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 her }{\i\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 apartment}{\i\f1\insrsid9192669\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019   }{\i\f1\insrsid10252510\charrsid7239019 T}{\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 
o me this reads like the kind of thing a therapist would set as an exercise.  Writing about a real event as though it were fiction}{\i\f1\insrsid13137140\charrsid7239019 , although it\rquote s more usual in the third-person}{
\i\f1\insrsid1011309\charrsid7239019 .  It can be a way of getting some
one to recall a painful or traumatic event in greater detail than they would normally want to.  That would be my best guess, and why I think this particular episode was of huge significance to Deirdre.  
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 Oh, shit.  But it was years ago.  You don\rquote t think I\'85..
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 Her problems were hers.  Anyway we\rquote re not looking for anyone to blame, here.  This is all about understanding your sister, and what happened.  I do not believe she would ask }{
\i\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 or want }{\i\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 any more of you, Jeff or anyone.  Just understanding.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 Yes.  Thank you.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 So obviously anything she left unsaid might indeed be significant.  Finding what the author could not include even in a fictionalised account can be a key.  How }{\i\f1\insrsid14156304\charrsid7239019 sure}{
\i\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019  are you that you accused your sister of having a *hang-up* }{\i\f1\insrsid13465614\charrsid7239019 specifically }{\i\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 about incest?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 Oh, pretty sure.  }{\f1\insrsid13137140\charrsid7239019 D}{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 on\rquote 
t forget I was only fourteen and she was eighteen, maybe even nineteen, so it was pretty hard for me to stand up to her.  I mean, she knew so much more than me.  But I remember being angry at the way she was looking dow
n at me for doing something she wanted to do herself \endash  there, I\rquote ve said it again but I know she did \endash  and I was a bit scared, too.  I\rquote 
d seen what happened to kids, brothers and sisters, caught screwing by the wrong people.  You know, \lquote care and protection\rquote  and all that crap, and I wouldn\rquote t have put it beyond Deirdre to blow the whistle on us \lquote for our own sakes
\rquote .  So I was probably a bit aggressive and hostile, too.}{\f1\insrsid14176968\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 
\par And all this business about me being \lquote bigger\rquote  than her.  Yeah, I was taller but }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 that was because }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 she was five-foot nothing in her }{
\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 stockings,}{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019  and }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 she }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 could look }{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 as }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 
sexy as hell.  I could have got her into films \endash  not }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 my kind of films }{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 \endash }{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019  easily}{
\f1\insrsid1376799\charrsid7239019 .  She was }{\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019 \'93elfin\'94, I heard a guy say once, and he was right.  She was }{\f1\insrsid1376799\charrsid7239019 the kind of perfect}{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019  woman }{
\f1\insrsid1376799\charrsid7239019 in miniature }{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 that could rule a kingdom with ease, like {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Elizabeth{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 the First.  Hell, she did it with that }{\f1\insrsid8346216 business}{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019  of hers}{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 .  She could dominate a room full of }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 hard-bitten business}{
\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 men.  I\rquote d seen it.  It\rquote s like she kind\rquote a wants to paint herself as }{\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 weak and }{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 hel
pless here, and I guess because I was so angry }{\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019 and scared }{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 I\rquote d gained the upper hand, but if she had stuck to her guns and rammed it home that screwing with your }{
\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 own }{\f1\insrsid5593413\charrsid7239019 brother was sick, I think I\rquote }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 d have caved in pretty quickly.}{\f1\insrsid7084301\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 Is that because you really do believe, in your heart of hearts, that screwing }{\i\f1\insrsid16711996 with }{\i\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 your }{\i\f1\insrsid11479462\charrsid7239019 own }{
\i\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 brother is sick?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 No.  I\rquote ve asked myself over and over with my brother\rquote s prick squelching }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 and slurping }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 in me, with his }{
\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 slimy }{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 semen }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 
sliding around inside me, his sweat on my breasts and the taste of my cunt in his kiss, if what we were doing was wrong and why it should be wrong if it was, and for any reas}{\f1\insrsid14156304\charrsid7239019 on why we shouldn\rquote t be doing it  B}{
\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 ut I}{\f1\insrsid13116354\charrsid7239019 \rquote ve}{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019  never f}{\f1\insrsid13116354\charrsid7239019 ound }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 an answer that }{
\f1\insrsid10180170\charrsid7239019 made sense to}{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019  me.  Oh, yeah, there\rquote s the recessive gene business, but you can reinforce genius genes as well, can\rquote t you}{\f1\insrsid10180170\charrsid7239019 ?}{
\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019   Anyway we\rquote ve never done it to make a baby, and did all we could to make sure we didn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019  make one}{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 .  So no.  I\rquote 
ve never been able to make screwing my brother }{\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019 \lquote }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 sick}{\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019 \rquote }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019  and }{
\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 still }{\f1\insrsid8864956\charrsid7239019 for the life of me }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 don\rquote t see why it should be}{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid7744193\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 
\par But back when I was only fourteen there was no way I could have been so sure}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  of that}{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  It didn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 
*}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 feel}{\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  sick when we did it, and it didn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 look}{
\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  sick when }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 I}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  watch}{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 ed}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  othe
r brothers and sisters }{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 do}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  it.  In fact you probably wouldn\rquote t have known they were brother and sister}{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019  if you hadn\rquote t been told}{
\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 .  They were just a boy and a girl doing what boys and girls were meant to do. }{\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 And love to do more than anything else in the world, if they\rquote re normal. }{
\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  But that didn\rquote t mean it }{\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 wasn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 
 sick.  There was still a hell of a lot I didn\rquote t understand about the world and it worried me that my sister, who knew so much more about it than I did and who I knew wanted very much to feel Jeff\rquote s prick in her, was }{
\f1\insrsid14156304\charrsid7239019 fighting it so hard}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 It was like she knew something I didn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid14556768\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 
\par I dunno.  Looking back at it now, maybe I was forcing the issue for my own sake.  Either my big sister would cave in and let }{\f1\insrsid12283942\charrsid7239019 Jeff}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  screw her, which would mean it wasn\rquote t rea}{
\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 lly sick but just a}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 parents\rquote }{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  conspiracy to keep }{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 their }{
\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 kids out of each other\rquote s }{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 pant}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 s}{\f1\insrsid15730063\charrsid7239019  after all}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 , or she\rquote 
d let me into the great }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 grown-up}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019  secr}{\f1\insrsid9183394\charrsid7239019 et as to why it really was sick and why she was refusing to do it herself and repelled by m}{
\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 e}{\f1\insrsid9183394\charrsid7239019  doing it.}{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019   Only I don\rquote t remember thinking like that at the time.}{\f1\insrsid9383041\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16728763\charrsid7239019 T}{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 hat may indeed have been one of your motiv}{\i\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 ations}{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 
.  Provoking confrontations over boundaries is a }{\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019 means}{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019 by which }{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 
children often test their validity, although they are usually aware of the more immediate issues}{\i\f1\insrsid11232618 , like why they}{\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019  can\rquote t watch that particular video}{\i\f1\insrsid8346216 
 at that particular time}{\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 Reading }{\i\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019 Deirdre\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019  account, tho\rquote , she didn\rquote 
t do any sticking to her guns or ramming }{\i\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 home }{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 of anything.  In fact she was the one who }{\i\f1\insrsid16728763\charrsid7239019 capitulated}{
\i\f1\insrsid12283942\charrsid7239019 , pretty much without a fight}{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 .  Did it happen }{\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019 the way she says}{\i\f1\insrsid9793858\charrsid7239019 ?  You standing over her, }{
\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019 capturing her head and restraining her attempt at \lquote escape\rquote ?  Did you put her to the question, and then walk away }{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 before she }{
\i\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 answer}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 ed}{\i\f1\insrsid16142890\charrsid7239019 ?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 I remember her sitting on the bed and me standing over her, yes.  I don\rquote t remember holding her under the chin, but it would have been easy.  }{\f1\insrsid14156304\charrsid7239019 Her head }{
\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 was level with my waist. }{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 And yeah, I remember I had the last word, and walking away}{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019  feeling\'85.   Yeah, feeling good}{
\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 .  I think }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 I did say}{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019  \'93Well?\'94}{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019  like she says.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 That\rquote s a pretty spectacular victory for a fourteen-year-old girl to achieve over her eighteen-year-old sister, don\rquote t you think?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 Yeah, I guess it is.}{\f1\insrsid12589995\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 Did you win many arguments with her?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 Hell no.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 So why did you win this one?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 I guess because it mattered to me.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 You don\rquote t think the fact that she\rquote d just discovered her \lquote younger brother and sister\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid5011044\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 
were committing incest mattered to Deirdre?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 Well, yes.  I think it did.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 So why did you win this one?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know.  I cared more than she did?  I was more scared of losing?  }{\f1\insrsid9126057\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16464478\charrsid7239019 Losing this one scared }{\i\f1\insrsid148589\charrsid7239019 Deirdre a }{\i\f1\insrsid4414364\charrsid7239019 very }{\i\f1\insrsid148589\charrsid7239019 great deal.  She says so.}{
\i\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019   So}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019  what was the question the victor imposed on the }{\i\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 vanquished}{
\i\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 ?  \'93Well?\'94  \'93Well\'94 what?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 Oh, I don\rquote t know, now.  I guess something like, \'93}{\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019 will you }{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 think about it}{\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019 ?}{
\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 \'94}{\f1\insrsid10437494\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 Think about having sex with Jeff?  Or consider the functionality of the }{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 legal and social }{\i\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 prohibition o}{
\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 n}{\i\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 consensual }{\i\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 non-procreational carnal relations between siblings in a secular society?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 Well }{\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 certainly }{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 not the second}{\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 , if I }{\f1\insrsid14156304\charrsid7239019 even }{
\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 understand it}{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 .  But she couldn\rquote t come to a decision on the first without considering the second, could she?
\par }{\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 Had }{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 you}{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019  considered the second when deciding }{
\i\f1\insrsid7494068\charrsid7239019 whether }{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 to }{\i\f1\insrsid7494068\charrsid7239019 have sex with }{\i\f1\insrsid8346216 your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid7494068\charrsid7239019 ?}{
\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019 Hell}{\f1\insrsid7745829\charrsid7239019  no. }{\f1\insrsid8147806\charrsid7239019  I was only }{\f1\insrsid9836255 thirteen}{\f1\insrsid8147806\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid7745829\charrsid7239019  I wouldn\rquote 
t have understood a word of it}{\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 .  
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13335564\charrsid7239019 So}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019  you didn\rquote t have a view on the validity of the taboo on incest when you first had to decide whether or not to let your brother have sex with you.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 For you i}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 t was }{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 just }{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 a question of \lquote sex or not\rquote }{
\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 For }{\i\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 Deirdre}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019  it }{
\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 was \lquote incest}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019  or not\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 .  Would}{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 n\rquote t}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 
 you agree?}{\i\f1\insrsid14304845\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2507386\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m not sure I follow}{\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 For you at }{\i\f1\insrsid9836255 thirteen}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 , just }{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 deciding whether or not to have}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 
 sex was such a huge step}{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019  that}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 the fact}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 it would }{
\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 also }{\i\f1\insrsid11553771\charrsid7239019 be}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019  incest hardly came into the picture.  For an eighteen-year-old girl like Deirdre \lquote }{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 
sex}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 \rquote  }{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 i}{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 s next to nothing.  Even an eighteen-year-old virgin c}{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 an}{
\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019 choose to }{\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 have sex pretty much }{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 whenever she want}{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 s}{
\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 , no questions asked, no parents to }{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 hood-wink, no sniggering about it behind the bike sheds. }{\i\f1\insrsid10562210\charrsid7239019 It\rquote 
s practically a given, in modern society. }{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019  For an eighteen-year-old girl it}{\i\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019  can be}{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019 deciding}{
\i\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019  whether or not}{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019  to commit }{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 incest that }{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 is}{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019 the}{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019  huge step}{\i\f1\insrsid7295960\charrsid7239019  to take. Not deciding whether or not to have sex}{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 .}{
\i\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 Yeah.  I see that.   I guess it was harder for {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} than I thought.}{\f1\insrsid10821885\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5659430\charrsid7239019 So the question is, why had your sister }{\i\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 clearly come to the conclusion that to have sex with your own brother was something especially distasteful?  \'93
How could you *do* that?\'94 speaks to me of a sense of revulsion.  What had made her decide that incest was revolting}{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid14366810\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 d}{
\i\f1\insrsid1139989\charrsid7239019 isgusting}{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 , rather than just something well-brought-up people}{\i\f1\insrsid15663692  }{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 didn\rquote t do}{\i\f1\insrsid14903203 
 like drinking red wine with a flute glass}{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid8604008\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know.  I really, really don\rquote t know.}{\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid14840293\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 The most likely source of a visceral response to incest }{\i\f1\insrsid3372446\charrsid7239019 such as}{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 Deirdre seem}{
\i\f1\insrsid16711996 s}{\i\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019  to have had }{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 would be }{\i\f1\insrsid615513\charrsid7239019 memories }{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 a severe }{
\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 over-}{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 reaction by parents to a quite innocent but \lquote incestuous\rquote  }{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 act by a child \endash 
 an eight-year-old boy discovering that his six-year-old sister was \lquote different\rquote  and having a look.  Or an eight-year-old girl feeling her father\rquote s penis while climbing into his lap.  }{\i\f1\insrsid16520764\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 I can\rquote t remember anything like that.  Anyway, Mom hardly reacted severely when she knew Jeff and I were screwing.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3372446\charrsid7239019 True, if }{\i\f1\insrsid15539366\charrsid7239019 she really did know}{\i\f1\insrsid3372446\charrsid7239019 . }{\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 Perhaps you}{
\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 r}{\i\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019  father earlier?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid5331740\charrsid7239019 really }{\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 remember him.  But I don\rquote t think he ever beat us.  Mom still loathes him and will rake up }{
\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 against him }{\f1\insrsid11562063\charrsid7239019 every offence he ever committed, but she\rquote s never mentioned that.
\par }{\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019 Hellfire-and-}{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 damnation preachers in church?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 No.  We weren\rquote t churchy.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 The experience of a friend being severely punished for an incestuous, or perceived incestuous act or relationship?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 Possibly.  She had different friends to us.  Older.  But I never heard of it if it happening.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1731111\charrsid7239019 It}{\i\f1\insrsid7408433\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid1731111\charrsid7239019 remains}{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019  a puzzle, then}{\i\f1\insrsid5790384\charrsid7239019 , for the moment}{
\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 .  Tell me, }{\i\f1\insrsid2711292\charrsid7239019 having put her to the question why didn\rquote t you wait for an answer?  }{\i\f1\insrsid2568319\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2568319\charrsid7239019 Oh, I don\rquote t know.  It was so long ago}{\f1\insrsid2581032\charrsid7239019 .  Maybe I thought I\rquote d done enough.  Made my point.}{\f1\insrsid2568319\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2568319\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2711292\charrsid7239019 You had her on the ropes.}{\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019   }{\i\f1\insrsid5833974\charrsid7239019 She was practically cowering at your feet, according to her. }{\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019 She }{
\i\f1\insrsid5833974\charrsid7239019 writes,}{\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019  \'93I was so afraid of what she'd do next.\'94  What was she }{\i\f1\insrsid14903203 afraid}{\i\f1\insrsid3344310\charrsid7239019  you would do?}{\i\f1\insrsid5981195 
  Not of what you might do.  What you would do.}{\i\f1\insrsid11021399\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1731111\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1731111\charrsid7239019 I can\rquote t imagine.  }{\f1\insrsid11303960\charrsid7239019 I really can\rquote t.}{\f1\insrsid1731111\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5733278\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5733278\charrsid7239019 No?  Can you remember how you felt at that moment?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5790384\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15488957\charrsid7239019 Oh, I\rquote d felt pretty good.  I\rquote d been so angry, but I\rquote d won and I wasn\rquote t angry any more.  I felt\'85  I felt\'85  }{\f1\insrsid5790384\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15488957\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15488957\charrsid7239019 Ten feet tall?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15488957\charrsid7239019 Yeah}{\f1\insrsid2638010\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid15488957\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2638010\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2638010\charrsid7239019 Remember what else }{\i\f1\insrsid12208372\charrsid7239019 you told me }{\i\f1\insrsid2638010\charrsid7239019 had made you feel ten feet tall?  Being a little girl }{\i\f1\insrsid6701048\charrsid7239019 
with the power to draw an ejaculation from your }{\i\f1\insrsid3698030\charrsid7239019 big }{\i\f1\insrsid6701048\charrsid7239019 brother.}{\i\f1\insrsid2121815\charrsid7239019   Being able to get him to surrender his penis}{
\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019  -}{\i\f1\insrsid2121815\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11303960\charrsid7239019 the essence and expression of his maleness}{\i\f1\insrsid6251940\charrsid7239019  which you}{\i\f1\insrsid11940320\charrsid7239019 
 being female}{\i\f1\insrsid6251940\charrsid7239019  could only experience indirectly}{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019  -}{\i\f1\insrsid2121815\charrsid7239019  into your hands}{\i\f1\insrsid8674418\charrsid7239019  and to take control of hi}{
\i\f1\insrsid15157939\charrsid7239019 m}{\i\f1\insrsid8674418\charrsid7239019  through it.  You knew he was trying to hold his ejaculation back}{\i\f1\insrsid15157939\charrsid7239019  as you stroked it and played with it, }{
\i\f1\insrsid14892450\charrsid7239019 that }{\i\f1\insrsid15157939\charrsid7239019 he wanted to make the wonderful sensations last as long as possible}{\i\f1\insrsid2832977\charrsid7239019  and}{\i\f1\insrsid15157939\charrsid7239019  delay his orgasm, }{
\i\f1\insrsid16457438\charrsid7239019 but }{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019 ultimately}{\i\f1\insrsid16457438\charrsid7239019  he couldn\rquote t }{\i\f1\insrsid2832977\charrsid7239019 prevent}{\i\f1\insrsid16457438\charrsid7239019 
 you making him come.}{\i\f1\insrsid2638010\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16457438\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16457438\charrsid7239019 Is that bad?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15694920\charrsid7239019 It is power, Stacy.  Power over another.  Whether it is good or bad depends }{\i\f1\insrsid12462597\charrsid7239019 on}{\i\f1\insrsid15694920\charrsid7239019  what you do with it.}{
\i\f1\insrsid16457438\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15694920\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1067121\charrsid7239019 I was only doing what he wanted.}{\f1\insrsid9461131\charrsid7239019   He thought it was pretty good.}{\f1\insrsid15694920\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1067121\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1067121\charrsid7239019 \'93The way to a guy\rquote s heart is through his prick}{\i\f1\insrsid683210\charrsid7239019 \'94, I remember you saying.}{\i\f1\insrsid1067121\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid683210\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2044272\charrsid7239019 Yeah.  OK.  But what\rquote s that got to do with that time with Deirdre?  I wasn\rquote t after her prick}{\f1\insrsid16204529\charrsid7239019 .  Or her heart.}{\f1\insrsid683210\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2044272\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11797043\charrsid7239019 I suspect you }{\i\f1\insrsid6638054\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid11797043\charrsid7239019 were}{\i\f1\insrsid6638054\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid11797043\charrsid7239019  after her heart tho\rquote  not }{
\i\f1\insrsid3293207\charrsid7239019 for}{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019  the same }{\i\f1\insrsid3293207\charrsid7239019 end}{\i\f1\insrsid16330295\charrsid7239019  as your brother\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid2639504\charrsid7239019 , }{
\i\f1\insrsid11797043\charrsid7239019 and}{\i\f1\insrsid2639504\charrsid7239019  you felt ten feet}{\i\f1\insrsid14026984\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid2639504\charrsid7239019 tall }{\i\f1\insrsid14026984\charrsid7239019 for the same reason.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid2639504\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11733477\charrsid7239019 You\rquote d gained control and power over her.  Your big sister was in your hands just as much as your big brother had been }{\i\f1\insrsid14309110\charrsid7239019 
when you masturbated him.  She was as helpless }{\i\f1\insrsid6838852\charrsid7239019 to stop you }{\i\f1\insrsid225602\charrsid7239019 doing what she feared }{\i\f1\insrsid5182280\charrsid7239019 you were going to }{\i\f1\insrsid14309110\charrsid7239019 
as he }{\i\f1\insrsid2165340\charrsid7239019 had been}{\i\f1\insrsid14309110\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid12208372\charrsid7239019 to }{\i\f1\insrsid6838852\charrsid7239019 stop you}{\i\f1\insrsid8998836\charrsid7239019  from making him}{
\i\f1\insrsid7939540\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid12208372\charrsid7239019 ejaculat}{\i\f1\insrsid8998836\charrsid7239019 e}{\i\f1\insrsid12208372\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid16347867\charrsid7239019 
  She knew that.  And she would only have been frightened }{\i\f1\insrsid8335234\charrsid7239019 like that if there}{\i\f1\insrsid13193059\charrsid7239019  was something you had gained the power to do, or make her do, which she at that moment }{
\i\f1\insrsid3298837\charrsid7239019 knew would hurt her.  Hurt her a lot.}{\i\f1\insrsid2044272\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13193059\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13193059\charrsid7239019 Shit.  What was it?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13193059\charrsid7239019 You tell me.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7939540\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7939540\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know, I tell y}{\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019 a\rquote }{\f1\insrsid7939540\charrsid7239019 !  I mean yeah, I}{\f1\insrsid12282333\charrsid7239019 \rquote d been}{\f1\insrsid7939540\charrsid7239019 
 angry}{\f1\insrsid12282333\charrsid7239019  but that had gone. She knew that.  She says so.}{\f1\insrsid1453256\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid11167558\charrsid7239019 She says I spoke}{\f1\insrsid1453256\charrsid7239019  quietly.  Anyway we\rquote }{
\f1\insrsid11167558\charrsid7239019 d had some real blazing rows before b}{\f1\insrsid225351\charrsid7239019 u}{\f1\insrsid11167558\charrsid7239019 t we\rquote d never hit each other.  She can\rquote t have thought I was going to hit her.  }{
\f1\insrsid2165340\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know what she was scared I might do.}{\f1\insrsid7939540\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid225351\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16209486\charrsid7239019 May we speculate?  Lift a few stones and see what crawls out from beneath?}{\i\f1\insrsid225351\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16209486\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16209486\charrsid7239019 I}{\f1\insrsid11819221\charrsid7239019 \rquote m not sure I}{\f1\insrsid16209486\charrsid7239019  like the sound of that}{\f1\insrsid16198730\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid16209486\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16198730\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16198730\charrsid7239019 We\rquote re doing this for Deidre.  All she is now is what}{\i\f1\insrsid4195437\charrsid7239019  your memory makes her.  Do you think she would rather be her true self or just what you think she was?}{
\i\f1\insrsid16198730\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4195437\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019 OK.  Put like that.}{\f1\insrsid4195437\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019 Perhaps she feared you were going to }{\i\f1\insrsid6638054\charrsid7239019 take her somewhere}{\i\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019 . }{\i\f1\insrsid10029841\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid6638054\charrsid7239019 
Somewhere}{\i\f1\insrsid10029841\charrsid7239019  she didn\rquote t want to }{\i\f1\insrsid6638054\charrsid7239019 go}{\i\f1\insrsid10029841\charrsid7239019 . }{\i\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019  Go back to that night}{
\i\f1\insrsid15873809\charrsid7239019  but this time you\rquote re Deirdre, sitting on the bed, and I\rquote m you, looming over you, your chin caught in my hand stopping you }{\i\f1\insrsid8607732\charrsid7239019 duck}{
\i\f1\insrsid15873809\charrsid7239019 ing }{\i\f1\insrsid8607732\charrsid7239019 the question}{\i\f1\insrsid15873809\charrsid7239019 .  One rule.  You will tell the truth.  You can wriggle and evade but you can\rquote 
t lie because you know the truth matters}{\i\f1\insrsid3612918\charrsid7239019  to you}{\i\f1\insrsid3694923\charrsid7239019  more than anything else}{\i\f1\insrsid6252214\charrsid7239019 .  You are at a crossroads in your life and }{
\i\f1\insrsid3612918\charrsid7239019 if you don\rquote t find or accept the truth now the rest of your life will }{\i\f1\insrsid6703749\charrsid7239019 forever }{\i\f1\insrsid3612918\charrsid7239019 be a lie.}{\i\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019   }{
\i\f1\insrsid6621103\charrsid7239019 You know this. }{\i\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 Yes?}{\i\f1\insrsid1729611\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 Well?  Are you going to let Jeff have sex with you?}{\i\f1\insrsid4285363\charrsid7239019   }{\i\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13516996\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 No.  I can\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14577510\charrsid7239019 Can\rquote t or won\rquote t?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10029841\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14705283\charrsid7239019 Can\rquote t.}{\f1\insrsid10029841\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14705283\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14705283\charrsid7239019 Why?  Something wrong with you?  }{\i\f1\insrsid4937729\charrsid7239019 Can\rquote t you open you legs wide enough to let a guy lie between them, }{\i\f1\insrsid7296746\charrsid7239019 slim, firm and powerful, }{
\i\f1\insrsid4992990\charrsid7239019 his thighs tight against yours forcing you wider}{\i\f1\insrsid16004949\charrsid7239019  to accept him.  Is your cunt}{\i\f1\insrsid10568933\charrsid7239019 , built big enough for a }{
\i\f1\insrsid5402617\charrsid7239019 baby}{\i\f1\insrsid10568933\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid16004949\charrsid7239019 not big enough to accept }{\i\f1\insrsid6820862\charrsid7239019 your little brother\rquote s prick}{
\i\f1\insrsid16004949\charrsid7239019  throbbing and eager to reach into your womb and quicken it}{\i\f1\insrsid13779491\charrsid7239019 , yet still soft enough to wrap around it and squeeze it}{\i\f1\insrsid10908354\charrsid7239019  and }{
\i\f1\insrsid7170090\charrsid7239019 cling to}{\i\f1\insrsid10908354\charrsid7239019  it until it\rquote s done its job}{\i\f1\insrsid1007901\charrsid7239019  and you and it are spent and soothed and glowing with life}{
\i\f1\insrsid12740846\charrsid7239019  and peace}{\i\f1\insrsid10908354\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid14705283\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12740846\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12740846\charrsid7239019 No, it\rquote s not that.  It\rquote s\'85  I can\rquote t.  }{\f1\insrsid1776001\charrsid7239019 I think of those things }{\f1\insrsid13435927\charrsid7239019 and I crunch up inside.  My cunt shrivels up}{
\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019  and I feel like the bone }{\f1\insrsid6703613 grows}{\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid5402617\charrsid7239019 like a shield }{\f1\insrsid13256622\charrsid7239019 across}{
\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019  its }{\f1\insrsid10703940\charrsid7239019 front,}{\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid3293207\charrsid7239019 clos}{\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019 ing it.}{\f1\insrsid12740846\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019 But {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, it\rquote s that guy you saw at College that day}{\i\f1\insrsid13062128\charrsid7239019 , remember?  }{\i\f1\insrsid2631143\charrsid7239019 Your eyes met}{
\i\f1\insrsid13062128\charrsid7239019  and that hot flush swept }{\i\f1\insrsid10561588\charrsid7239019 through}{\i\f1\insrsid13062128\charrsid7239019  you }{\i\f1\insrsid3539305 before you could think}{\i\f1\insrsid13062128\charrsid7239019  and }{
\i\f1\insrsid3539305 a }{\i\f1\insrsid6047528\charrsid7239019 great tingling }{\i\f1\insrsid996173\charrsid7239019 wave }{\i\f1\insrsid1390312\charrsid7239019 burst in}{\i\f1\insrsid6047528\charrsid7239019  your cunt }{\i\f1\insrsid996173\charrsid7239019 
like hot champagne making you feel so good you almost fainted with pleasure, and you}{\i\f1\insrsid13062128\charrsid7239019  even wet your knickers }{\i\f1\insrsid1390312\charrsid7239019 before you could stop it}{\i\f1\insrsid10703940\charrsid7239019 
.  Well}{\i\f1\insrsid5258837\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid10703940\charrsid7239019  he\rquote s here beside your bed}{\i\f1\insrsid1390312\charrsid7239019 , naked and powerful, }{\i\f1\insrsid15087212\charrsid7239019 
his prick throbbing to make that hot}{\i\f1\insrsid16318593\charrsid7239019 , pink}{\i\f1\insrsid15087212\charrsid7239019  champagne explosion in your cunt again, but he\rquote s tender, too.  He doesn\rquote t want to hurt you.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid14629099\charrsid7239019 You know he\rquote ll be gentle and careful, and work it in slowly}{\i\f1\insrsid2631143\charrsid7239019  if you\rquote re worried about the pain}{\i\f1\insrsid5258837\charrsid7239019 .  He\rquote 
s yours to command and he\rquote s waiting for you to say yes , do it}{\i\f1\insrsid8727117\charrsid7239019 .  He\rquote s waiting, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, for you to say yes, make me a woman, or no, go away, I can\rquote 
t.  He\rquote s waiting, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, what do you say?}{\i\f1\insrsid2760751\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8727117\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6821233\charrsid7239019 Yes, oh I\rquote m scared, but yes.}{\f1\insrsid2497025\charrsid7239019   Make me }{\f1\insrsid14683486\charrsid7239019 a woman}{\f1\insrsid2497025\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid8727117\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2497025\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2497025\charrsid7239019 He\rquote s come down to you, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, }{\i\f1\insrsid8812583\charrsid7239019 a man\rquote s weight on your breasts}{\i\f1\insrsid7095227\charrsid7239019 .  Y}{
\i\f1\insrsid8285682\charrsid7239019 ou can feel his heart beating though them, fast and excited}{\i\f1\insrsid3742372\charrsid7239019  as his blood burns with desire to fill you, }{\i\f1\insrsid8812583\charrsid7239019 his arms tight around you}{
\i\f1\insrsid8285682\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid3742372\charrsid7239019 his breath shuddering in your ear}{\i\f1\insrsid8920512\charrsid7239019  as }{\i\f1\insrsid7095227\charrsid7239019 all the stars in }{\i\f1\insrsid8920512\charrsid7239019 the }{
\i\f1\insrsid7095227\charrsid7239019 U}{\i\f1\insrsid8920512\charrsid7239019 niverse }{\i\f1\insrsid11425443\charrsid7239019 crowd into}{\i\f1\insrsid8920512\charrsid7239019  in hi}{\i\f1\insrsid15022208\charrsid7239019 s prick to}{
\i\f1\insrsid612479\charrsid7239019  explode in}{\i\f1\insrsid1207078\charrsid7239019 to}{\i\f1\insrsid15022208\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11425443\charrsid7239019 a}{\i\f1\insrsid15022208\charrsid7239019  Big Bang of }{
\i\f1\insrsid8920512\charrsid7239019 creation inside you, but he\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid2653469\charrsid7239019 s not there yet.  He waits at the entrance to your body, waiting for}{\i\f1\insrsid15022208\charrsid7239019  you to say yes}{
\i\f1\insrsid15873468\charrsid7239019 , yes, }{\i\f1\insrsid15022208\charrsid7239019  and open yourself}{\i\f1\insrsid12996403\charrsid7239019  to him like a rose to}{\i\f1\insrsid16320355\charrsid7239019  the sun}{\i\f1\insrsid5447822\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid16320355\charrsid7239019  or no I can\rquote t do it.  I can\rquote t shift the block.  }{\i\f1\insrsid5468536\charrsid7239019 He\rquote s waiting, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, quivering }{
\i\f1\insrsid2047105\charrsid7239019 with desire and his own need }{\i\f1\insrsid5468536\charrsid7239019 and }{\i\f1\insrsid2047105\charrsid7239019 he }{\i\f1\insrsid5468536\charrsid7239019 can\rquote t wait for ever so what is it?  Breath in his ear, 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, }{\i\f1\insrsid14176711\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m }{\i\f1\insrsid12996403\charrsid7239019 open and yearning }{\i\f1\insrsid14176711\charrsid7239019 or }{\i\f1\insrsid5447822\charrsid7239019  I
\rquote m }{\i\f1\insrsid8535786\charrsid7239019 frozen and}{\i\f1\insrsid14176711\charrsid7239019  closed.}{\i\f1\insrsid5447822\charrsid7239019  One or the other.}{\i\f1\insrsid2497025\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14176711\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8535786\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m open, open}{\f1\insrsid7698663\charrsid7239019  like the rose}{\f1\insrsid8535786\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid14176711\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8535786\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11013231\charrsid7239019 You feel his prick pressing, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, and the pain melt away.  }{\i\f1\insrsid23009\charrsid7239019 You\rquote re open to him and empty with nothing between }{
\i\f1\insrsid7012483\charrsid7239019 you and fulfilment, the champagne explosion, the Universe inside you}{\i\f1\insrsid16601989\charrsid7239019 ; nothing}{\i\f1\insrsid12467898\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5986703\charrsid7239019 bu}{
\i\f1\insrsid12467898\charrsid7239019 t the moment it\rquote s going take to slide into you and fill you}{\i\f1\insrsid15936053\charrsid7239019 , not just a prick in your cunt but a Man in your Woman, completing you}{\i\f1\insrsid15880457\charrsid7239019 
, making you whole.  A moment}{\i\f1\insrsid10226689\charrsid7239019  away}{\i\f1\insrsid15880457\charrsid7239019 , that\rquote s all}{\i\f1\insrsid10226689\charrsid7239019  -}{\i\f1\insrsid15880457\charrsid7239019  just }{
\i\f1\insrsid13829238\charrsid7239019 for }{\i\f1\insrsid15880457\charrsid7239019 an effortless sli}{\i\f1\insrsid10446209\charrsid7239019 de}{\i\f1\insrsid15880457\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid6827024\charrsid7239019 of fullness }{
\i\f1\insrsid15880457\charrsid7239019 into the emptiness}{\i\f1\insrsid16601989\charrsid7239019  inside you}{\i\f1\insrsid13829238\charrsid7239019  - }{\i\f1\insrsid3867741\charrsid7239019  but the golden light changes, a tiny shift of shadows, and it
\rquote s not the guy from college on your breasts any more}{\i\f1\insrsid9372678\charrsid7239019  but your brother who loves you }{\i\f1\insrsid5583212\charrsid7239019 as only a brother can }{\i\f1\insrsid9372678\charrsid7239019 
and yearns to fill you and }{\i\f1\insrsid5583212\charrsid7239019 fulfil}{\i\f1\insrsid9372678\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5583212\charrsid7239019  you and knows and understands and feels your pain because your pain is his}{
\i\f1\insrsid3290860\charrsid7239019  just as his life is yours.  His prick aches for you}{\i\f1\insrsid11293809\charrsid7239019 , he burns for you because he feels your emptiness and wants to fill it and support}{\i\f1\insrsid13132979\charrsid7239019 
 you}{\i\f1\insrsid1207078\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid11293809\charrsid7239019 and protect }{\i\f1\insrsid13132979\charrsid7239019 you}{\i\f1\insrsid11293809\charrsid7239019  until you wish to fill it with another}{
\i\f1\insrsid14634430\charrsid7239019  when he will relinquish }{\i\f1\insrsid13663320\charrsid7239019 you}{\i\f1\insrsid14634430\charrsid7239019  with love and pass you on, whole and laughing with joy to that other, }{
\i\f1\insrsid7939792\charrsid7239019 and he\rquote s waiting Dee, waiting for you to say yes, fill me with joy}{\i\f1\insrsid10894997\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid7939792\charrsid7239019  or no, you\rquote re my brother.}{
\i\f1\insrsid16458988\charrsid7239019   Jeff\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid7548197\charrsid7239019 p}{\i\f1\insrsid7698663\charrsid7239019 ressi}{\i\f1\insrsid16458988\charrsid7239019 ng}{\i\f1\insrsid13663320\charrsid7239019  gently}{
\i\f1\insrsid16458988\charrsid7239019 , Dee, }{\i\f1\insrsid7548197\charrsid7239019 p}{\i\f1\insrsid7698663\charrsid7239019 ress}{\i\f1\insrsid16458988\charrsid7239019 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid13663320\charrsid7239019  gently}{
\i\f1\insrsid16458988\charrsid7239019 .  Are you open or closed?}{\i\f1\insrsid8535786\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7939792\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7152250\charrsid7239019 Shit.  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.}{\f1\insrsid7939792\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7152250\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7152250\charrsid7239019 Feeling better}{\i\f1\insrsid3419479\charrsid7239019 , Stacy?}{\i\f1\insrsid7152250\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3372317\charrsid7239019 Shit, I\rquote m still sh}{\f1\insrsid3293207\charrsid7239019 ak}{\f1\insrsid3372317\charrsid7239019 ing.  Shit, that was scary.  What did you do to me?}{\f1\insrsid3419479\charrsid7239019   I need a shower.}{
\f1\insrsid1207078\charrsid7239019   Shit, don\rquote t ever do that to me again.}{\f1\insrsid7152250\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15147480\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15147480\charrsid7239019 Take your time.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15147480\charrsid7239019 Shit, that was\'85.  }{\f1\insrsid1253310\charrsid7239019 Like I }{\f1\insrsid10894997\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid1253310\charrsid7239019 was}{\f1\insrsid10894997\charrsid7239019 *}{
\f1\insrsid1253310\charrsid7239019  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}.  Jesus, }{\f1\insrsid9071383\charrsid7239019 how }{\f1\insrsid1253310\charrsid7239019 I wanted to feel that guy inside me, like my cunt was burning for him}{
\f1\insrsid13972141\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid3093662\charrsid7239019 I was scared but I could have done it. }{\f1\insrsid9059082\charrsid7239019  Me, scared of a prick}{\f1\insrsid4457613\charrsid7239019 !}{\f1\insrsid9059082\charrsid7239019 
  Yet I was}{\f1\insrsid4457613\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid9059082\charrsid7239019  but I }{\f1\insrsid3093662\charrsid7239019 wanted to. }{\f1\insrsid3293207\charrsid7239019  I so wanted to.  }{\f1\insrsid9059082\charrsid7239019 And I could have}{
\f1\insrsid4457613\charrsid7239019  let it inside me}{\f1\insrsid3293207\charrsid7239019 , while it was him}{\f1\insrsid9059082\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid4457613\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid13972141\charrsid7239019 But the moment it was Jeff}{
\f1\insrsid12936515\charrsid7239019  pushing}{\f1\insrsid13972141\charrsid7239019 \'85  Everything just clamped up.  Like cramp}{\f1\insrsid7548197\charrsid7239019 s}{\f1\insrsid13972141\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid6323874\charrsid7239019 
 Like a brick }{\f1\insrsid10290647\charrsid7239019 of ice }{\f1\insrsid6323874\charrsid7239019 in my cunt. }{\f1\insrsid13972141\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid9175670\charrsid7239019 I mean, Jeez\'85  }{\f1\insrsid12664866\charrsid7239019 I\rquote 
ve let some scum-balls screw me on set, }{\f1\insrsid11943719\charrsid7239019 guys who gave me the creeps}{\f1\insrsid11035255\charrsid7239019 ,  }{\f1\insrsid9594060\charrsid7239019 been fucked }{\f1\insrsid5582805\charrsid7239019 in}{
\f1\insrsid6975431\charrsid7239019  front of}{\f1\insrsid11943719\charrsid7239019  the camera\rquote s }{\f1\insrsid12936515\charrsid7239019 by guys }{\f1\insrsid9594060\charrsid7239019 I wouldn\rquote t get into a lift alone with any other time }{
\f1\insrsid11035255\charrsid7239019 and had no trouble taking their pricks}{\f1\insrsid9594060\charrsid7239019  in my cunt}{\f1\insrsid5582805\charrsid7239019  and faking it}{\f1\insrsid9594060\charrsid7239019 , but that\'85. }{
\f1\insrsid6975431\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid7089739\charrsid7239019 *Was* I Dee?  I mean had she\'85   Shit, you\rquote re supposed to be a psychologist, not a fucking }{\f1\insrsid3539305 spiritualist}{\f1\insrsid7089739\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid15147480\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7089739\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10358775\charrsid7239019 No, that wasn\rquote t {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}.  It was just you being Deirdre. }{\i\f1\insrsid10911492\charrsid7239019  Don\rquote t forget you are an actress, and a good one I }{
\i\f1\insrsid14753793\charrsid7239019 hear}{\i\f1\insrsid10911492\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid10358775\charrsid7239019   You were sisters.  You shared a lot of life together}{\i\f1\insrsid13054942\charrsid7239019 
 and you had a lot more in common than you }{\i\f1\insrsid11348913\charrsid7239019 know}{\i\f1\insrsid13054942\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid7434093\charrsid7239019 A lot of empathy each }{\i\f1\insrsid10625905\charrsid7239019 for the }{
\i\f1\insrsid7434093\charrsid7239019 other. }{\i\f1\insrsid13054942\charrsid7239019 You }{\i\f1\insrsid14092794\charrsid7239019 knew her a lot better than you realise}{\i\f1\insrsid13054942\charrsid7239019  \endash 
 what she felt, how she thought, how she would react}{\i\f1\insrsid6059663\charrsid7239019  -}{\i\f1\insrsid13054942\charrsid7239019  and she you.  }{\i\f1\insrsid6629680\charrsid7239019 Which is why I}{\i\f1\insrsid5920676\charrsid7239019  would be}{
\i\f1\insrsid3567977\charrsid7239019  surprised}{\i\f1\insrsid5920676\charrsid7239019  if}{\i\f1\insrsid3567977\charrsid7239019  she }{\i\f1\insrsid5920676\charrsid7239019 had}{\i\f1\insrsid13132979\charrsid7239019 n\rquote t pick}{
\i\f1\insrsid5920676\charrsid7239019 ed}{\i\f1\insrsid13132979\charrsid7239019  up on your relationship with Jeff much, much earlier.  My guess would be that she did, but blocked it.  }{\i\f1\insrsid7823681\charrsid7239019 She had to, because }{
\i\f1\insrsid6059663\charrsid7239019 for some reason }{\i\f1\insrsid7823681\charrsid7239019 she couldn\rquote t allow herself to feel what you were feeling }{\i\f1\insrsid16139277\charrsid7239019 when you were with}{\i\f1\insrsid7823681\charrsid7239019 
 Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid3305226\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid7823681\charrsid7239019   }{\i\f1\insrsid6649082\charrsid7239019 That feeling would have hurt her}{\i\f1\insrsid4226499\charrsid7239019  unbearably}{\i\f1\insrsid6629680\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid15153097\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid7089603\charrsid7239019 which}{\i\f1\insrsid15153097\charrsid7239019  she had to prevent by }{\i\f1\insrsid3562481\charrsid7239019 anaesthetising}{\i\f1\insrsid15153097\charrsid7239019  that area.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid14092794\charrsid7239019 Which would have left her numb to the possibility of other relationships}{\i\f1\insrsid84326\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid3305226\charrsid7239019 all other relationships}{\i\f1\insrsid15230641\charrsid7239019 
 including boys}{\i\f1\insrsid3305226\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid84326\charrsid7239019 and maybe why you weren\rquote t close as sisters.  }{\i\f1\insrsid3562481\charrsid7239019 Don\rquote t forget, according to }{
\i\f1\insrsid9898314\charrsid7239019 Deirdre\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid3562481\charrsid7239019  account it was your decision to force the issue}{\i\f1\insrsid11818989\charrsid7239019  \endash  }{\i\f1\insrsid9898314\charrsid7239019 to }{
\i\f1\insrsid11818989\charrsid7239019 bring it out into the open between you.  }{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 Had it not been for}{\i\f1\insrsid9384378\charrsid7239019  the signs she }{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 d}{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 
id}{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 n\rquote t know she }{\i\f1\insrsid9384378\charrsid7239019 was }{\i\f1\insrsid5986703\charrsid7239019 giving out,}{\i\f1\insrsid9384378\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5986703\charrsid7239019 
just as you were unaware of the}{\i\f1\insrsid13458386  signs of your incest with Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019  which triggered this confrontation }{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 which }{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 *you*provoked, }{
\i\f1\insrsid4935037\charrsid7239019 she would probably have lived in misery with }{\i\f1\insrsid7089603\charrsid7239019 the knowledge}{\i\f1\insrsid4935037\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9898314\charrsid7239019 for }{
\i\f1\insrsid4935037\charrsid7239019 years}{\i\f1\insrsid15230641\charrsid7239019  or until some other crisis occurred}{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 .  What we have to try to determine is what}{\i\f1\insrsid16139277\charrsid7239019  had}{
\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019  happened to make her lif}{\i\f1\insrsid6820862\charrsid7239019 t}{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019  the block and accept the pain that resulted when she had to face the knowledge it unstopped.}{
\i\f1\insrsid7089739\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3305226\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7677846\charrsid7239019 Don\rquote t forget this is just speculation not science,  but i}{\i\f1\insrsid14753584\charrsid7239019 f what you felt just now was right}{\i\f1\insrsid672611\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid603990\charrsid7239019 
your sister}{\i\f1\insrsid672611\charrsid7239019  had a block against all }{\i\f1\insrsid12323710\charrsid7239019 intercourse}{\i\f1\insrsid672611\charrsid7239019 , not just incest.  But }{\i\f1\insrsid12453033\charrsid7239019 
the inhibitions regarding incest were far, far stronger}{\i\f1\insrsid15488335\charrsid7239019 .  All incest is sex, but not all sex is incest.  A block against sex will include incest}{\i\f1\insrsid198202\charrsid7239019 
 automatically but even the most powerful block against incest }{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 should}{\i\f1\insrsid198202\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid1145013\charrsid7239019 not }{\i\f1\insrsid198202\charrsid7239019 block}{
\i\f1\insrsid9182435\charrsid7239019  non-incestu}{\i\f1\insrsid3539305 ous}{\i\f1\insrsid9182435\charrsid7239019  sex}{\i\f1\insrsid2630637\charrsid7239019 . }{\i\f1\insrsid9182435\charrsid7239019 Your sister had}{\i\f1\insrsid15488335\charrsid7239019  }
{\i\f1\insrsid1145013\charrsid7239019 a block against sex but her block against incest was far more powerful}{\i\f1\insrsid15756899\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid2755285\charrsid7239019 almost }{\i\f1\insrsid15756899\charrsid7239019 
as though it were a totally different }{\i\f1\insrsid2755285\charrsid7239019 animal}{\i\f1\insrsid1145013\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid7306071\charrsid7239019 
She had the strength and ability to overcome the block against sex had she chosen to do so, which means it was largely}{\i\f1\insrsid7747450\charrsid7239019  psychological and could be overcome just by thought}{\i\f1\insrsid7306071\charrsid7239019 
, but the block against incest }{\i\f1\insrsid7747450\charrsid7239019 was so deep it was subconscious and expressed itself physically}{\i\f1\insrsid1867549\charrsid7239019 , with actual muscular spasms}{\i\f1\insrsid931368\charrsid7239019 
 and perhaps vaginismus}{\i\f1\insrsid1867549\charrsid7239019 .  That is significant.  I\rquote m sure they are linked, but the disparity}{\i\f1\insrsid879875\charrsid7239019  in a situation such as Deirdre\rquote s is unusual.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid14353860\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m surprised}{\i\f1\insrsid879875\charrsid7239019 , too, that }{\i\f1\insrsid5401651\charrsid7239019 a girl such as Deirdre according to the picture I am building up}{\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 
 of her}{\i\f1\insrsid5401651\charrsid7239019  had not already taken steps to overcome the sex block.  With a }{\i\f1\insrsid8018758\charrsid7239019 sympathetic }{\i\f1\insrsid5401651\charrsid7239019 guy like the one from college }{
\i\f1\insrsid12323710\charrsid7239019 I created }{\i\f1\insrsid5401651\charrsid7239019 she could have done it fairly easily without threatening to trigger the incest block at all, }{\i\f1\insrsid556568\charrsid7239019 and she w}{\i\f1\insrsid3539305 ould}
{\i\f1\insrsid556568\charrsid7239019  certainly have been aware of }{\i\f1\insrsid8018758\charrsid7239019 that}{\i\f1\insrsid556568\charrsid7239019 .  Yet she hadn\rquote t. }{\i\f1\insrsid11227003\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8258388\charrsid7239019 
And then again}{\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 , according}{\i\f1\insrsid8258388\charrsid7239019  to what she wrote}{\i\f1\insrsid11227003\charrsid7239019  she was able }{\i\f1\insrsid5902076\charrsid7239019 later that same night to not 
only overcome the sex-}{\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 block -}{\i\f1\insrsid8258388\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8018758\charrsid7239019 and }{\i\f1\insrsid5902076\charrsid7239019 with your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid8258388\charrsid7239019  -}{
\i\f1\insrsid5902076\charrsid7239019  but }{\i\f1\insrsid10447357\charrsid7239019 take the incest-block right down to the wire, too.  }{\i\f1\insrsid556568\charrsid7239019  I can\rquote t see it yet, but the reason for that is important, I\rquote 
m sure.  When did you last see }{\i\f1\insrsid4793423\charrsid7239019 your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid556568\charrsid7239019  naked?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 You what?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 What did you }{\i\f1\insrsid15878988\charrsid7239019 just }{\i\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 see}{\i\f1\insrsid15878988\charrsid7239019  in your mind}{\i\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 ?  The truth, don
\rquote t forget.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 Jeff coming out of the shower, all damp, towelling his hair, }{\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 prick half-droop}{\f1\insrsid4023760\charrsid7239019 y}{\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019  like it }{
\f1\insrsid4023760\charrsid7239019 i}{\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 s when I\rquote ve made it happy.}{\f1\insrsid12793429\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 What did you feel?  The truth, don\rquote t forget.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 A little champagne fizz in my cunt and a strong desire to jump on him and screw him to death o}{\f1\insrsid4793423\charrsid7239019 n}{\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019  the shower-room floor.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 So you happy you}{\i\f1\insrsid603990\charrsid7239019 \rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019 r}{\i\f1\insrsid603990\charrsid7239019 e}{\i\f1\insrsid1203885\charrsid7239019  one-hundred per cent Stacy}{
\i\f1\insrsid13065920\charrsid7239019  again?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15878988\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15878988\charrsid7239019 Yeah, you bastard.
\par }{\f1\insrsid8258388\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1203885\charrsid7239019 Ready to move on?}{\i\f1\insrsid8258388\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16126077\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16126077\charrsid7239019 No}{\f1\insrsid3999849\charrsid7239019 .  B}{\f1\insrsid16126077\charrsid7239019 ut I owe it to {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, don\rquote t I?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16126077\charrsid7239019 Your call.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3999849\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3999849\charrsid7239019 OK.  Go on.
\par }{\f1\insrsid14579895\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14579895\charrsid7239019 We were looking for things }{\i\f1\insrsid9974135\charrsid7239019 you had the power to require your sister to think, do or say}{\i\f1\insrsid721882\charrsid7239019  the very possibility of which frightened her}{
\i\f1\insrsid4552220\charrsid7239019  so much she still remembered it ten years later.  Do you credit }{\i\f1\insrsid11757279\charrsid7239019 now }{\i\f1\insrsid4552220\charrsid7239019 that one of those things might simply have been }{
\i\f1\insrsid8259493\charrsid7239019 just }{\i\f1\insrsid12533843\charrsid7239019 the thought of}{\i\f1\insrsid8259493\charrsid7239019  having sex with your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid13780556\charrsid7239019  herself}{\i\f1\insrsid8259493\charrsid7239019 
?  She had been appalled at the thought of *you* having sex with Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid13788745\charrsid7239019 .  Any time her thoughts }{\i\f1\insrsid15206497\charrsid7239019 even app}{\i\f1\insrsid13788745\charrsid7239019 roached the possibility }{
\i\f1\insrsid15206497\charrsid7239019 that *she* might have }{\i\f1\insrsid13788745\charrsid7239019 sex with him }{\i\f1\insrsid15206497\charrsid7239019 I suspect }{\i\f1\insrsid11407135\charrsid7239019 she would have killed them stone dead.  But 
you now had the power to force her to }{\i\f1\insrsid4023760\charrsid7239019 contemplate}{\i\f1\insrsid11407135\charrsid7239019  that possibility.  }{\i\f1\insrsid675736\charrsid7239019 Can you understand now why that might frighten her}{
\i\f1\insrsid12655536\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid14579895\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid675736\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019 T}{\f1\insrsid2318257\charrsid7239019 errify her, more like, if she really would feel what I did.}{\f1\insrsid675736\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4746738\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4746738\charrsid7239019 I strongly suspect she would.  If you read her story again you\rquote ll see that although it refers to Jeff \lquote wanting\rquote  her, }{\i\f1\insrsid6122241\charrsid7239019 and the prospect of his \lquote raping
\rquote  her she never once introduces even a fantasy of his actually having normal intercourse with her.  }{\i\f1\insrsid2820809\charrsid7239019 Even ten years later, she still can\rquote t let herself do that.}{\i\f1\insrsid4746738\charrsid7239019 

\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11158321\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11158321\charrsid7239019 But I\rquote m sure she wanted him to.  I saw all the signs.  I mean, she must have imagined }{\f1\insrsid1799453\charrsid7239019 sex with him}{\f1\insrsid14514137\charrsid7239019 .  She looked }{
\f1\insrsid6642474\charrsid7239019 at him }{\f1\insrsid14514137\charrsid7239019 as though she was imagining him humping her}{\f1\insrsid6642474\charrsid7239019  at that }{\f1\insrsid5457808\charrsid7239019 very }{\f1\insrsid6642474\charrsid7239019 moment.
}{\f1\insrsid11158321\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6642474\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6642474\charrsid7239019 Perhaps.  I can be wrong, sometimes.  }{\i\f1\insrsid14625282\charrsid7239019 But how does that square with what you\rquote ve just experienced of your sister\rquote s reaction to the idea of having sex with Jeff.}{
\i\f1\insrsid6642474\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14625282\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14625282\charrsid7239019 Point taken.  So how do you explain it?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14625282\charrsid7239019 I can\rquote t.  Yet.  }{\i\f1\insrsid5723335\charrsid7239019 If you tell me you felt that your sister }{\i\f1\insrsid8472541\charrsid7239019 felt }{\i\f1\insrsid8157392\charrsid7239019 like }{
\i\f1\insrsid8472541\charrsid7239019 she}{\i\f1\insrsid5723335\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8157392\charrsid7239019 was }{\i\f1\insrsid5723335\charrsid7239019 having sex when she looked at your brother I believe you.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid8078512\charrsid7239019 It will have been empathy at work.  It }{\i\f1\insrsid12655536\charrsid7239019 worked the other way when }{\i\f1\insrsid8078512\charrsid7239019 your sister }{\i\f1\insrsid8472541\charrsid7239019 felt}{
\i\f1\insrsid8078512\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid3493193\charrsid7239019 what she received from you }{\i\f1\insrsid8078512\charrsid7239019 when you looking at Jeff.  You having sex with him.  }{\i\f1\insrsid3474677\charrsid7239019 
We know what she felt about that.  \'93How could you *do* that?\'94  To her it was like watching you eat shit, or something}{\i\f1\insrsid12323710\charrsid7239019  equally}{\i\f1\insrsid4340555\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid4023760\charrsid7239019 
obnoxious}{\i\f1\insrsid3474677\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid4471114\charrsid7239019   There is a huge dichotomy here I\rquote m only at the start of resolving, but my very unscientific gut-feeling is that when we solve it we}{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 
 might have a handle on what was in your sister\rquote s mind as she stood on that balcony.}{\i\f1\insrsid14625282\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4471114\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8157392\charrsid7239019 I w}{\i\f1\insrsid14439738\charrsid7239019 ould like}{\i\f1\insrsid8157392\charrsid7239019  to look at something else your sister thought you might do with your power}{\i\f1\insrsid16198734\charrsid7239019  which }{
\i\f1\insrsid9404\charrsid7239019 could have }{\i\f1\insrsid12323710\charrsid7239019 deeply }{\i\f1\insrsid16198734\charrsid7239019 frightened her. }{\i\f1\insrsid12323710\charrsid7239019 
 To do that you will need to *be* her again, and you asked me not to do that to you.  Moreover this time the fantasy I will need to create will include you, and as I have been unable so far to psycho-analyse my male ego totally out of existence I fear I w
ill be unable to }{\i\f1\insrsid14439738\charrsid7239019 prevent myself having a personal sexual response to the fantasy, given that you are sitting there in front me in the flesh \endash 
 something my maleness has been unable to ignore for some time.  I feel I must seek your consent to such an intimacy beforehand, and in the light of that as well as your expressed wish not to *be* Dee again I am reluctant to proceed.}{
\i\f1\insrsid4023760\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4148575\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16125353\charrsid7239019 Intimacy?  Doc, I\rquote m a porn star.  What the hell would I }{\f1\insrsid11429735\charrsid7239019 be worried about *intimacy* for?}{\f1\insrsid6583927\charrsid7239019   Want me to strip?  Watch me fuck }{
\f1\insrsid9961881\charrsid7239019 myself }{\f1\insrsid6583927\charrsid7239019 that }{\f1\insrsid9961881\charrsid7239019 little statuette on the shelf?  Sure.  Just }{\f1\insrsid15214306\charrsid7239019 ask}{\f1\insrsid9961881\charrsid7239019 . }{
\f1\insrsid12394181\charrsid7239019  It\rquote s nothing to me.}{\f1\insrsid9961881\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid13315494\charrsid7239019  Water off a duck\rquote s back. }{\f1\insrsid9961881\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid15214306\charrsid7239019 I
\rquote d have a harder job working that photocopier.  }{\f1\insrsid16341127\charrsid7239019 Hell, I like you.  You\rquote re the brainiest guy I\rquote ve met in years.  You\rquote re so clever you frighten me.}{\f1\insrsid12394181\charrsid7239019   }{
\f1\insrsid13317653\charrsid7239019 And I trust you utterly, one-hundred}{\f1\insrsid6964723\charrsid7239019 -and-ten}{\f1\insrsid13317653\charrsid7239019  percent.  }{\f1\insrsid12394181\charrsid7239019 But if the sneakiest little thought }{
\f1\insrsid14314705\charrsid7239019 has stuck its head up in the back of your mind saying, \'93I wonder what it\rquote s like to screw }{\f1\insrsid7765901\charrsid7239019 the real }{\f1\insrsid14314705\charrsid7239019 Stacy Stevens}{
\f1\insrsid12526869\charrsid7239019 ,\'94 please feel free to find out.  I shall be quite happy to }{\f1\insrsid14184632\charrsid7239019 co-ope}{\f1\insrsid1646245\charrsid7239019 
rate with any desires you would normally feel inhibited from, ah, seeking to }{\f1\insrsid12529684\charrsid7239019 f}{\f1\insrsid1646245\charrsid7239019 ulfil}{\f1\insrsid12526869\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid12529684\charrsid7239019 
Is that proper psych}{\f1\insrsid13582099\charrsid7239019 o}{\f1\insrsid12529684\charrsid7239019 -speak?}{\f1\insrsid12526869\charrsid7239019  It would }{\f1\insrsid12529684\charrsid7239019 actually }{\f1\insrsid12526869\charrsid7239019 
be real, real nice to screw a guy with brains for a change, and }{\f1\insrsid13788122\charrsid7239019 some }{\f1\insrsid12526869\charrsid7239019 manners.  }{\f1\insrsid13582099\charrsid7239019 I would, honestly, enjoy it.  }{
\f1\insrsid13316944\charrsid7239019 And I\rquote d have forgotten all about it before I was back }{\f1\insrsid7362616\charrsid7239019 at}{\f1\insrsid13316944\charrsid7239019  my car.  }{\f1\insrsid4148575\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14439738\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10910659\charrsid7239019 Thank you, Stacy.  }{\i\f1\insrsid13455120\charrsid7239019 I would enjoy sex with you very much.}{\i\f1\insrsid2820389\charrsid7239019   Unfortunately there are problems.  }{\i\f1\insrsid4854467\charrsid7239019 
One, of course, is that my wife would probably not approve}{\i\f1\insrsid15814733\charrsid7239019  were I to tell her}{\i\f1\insrsid16077631  and I have no wish to deceive her}{\i\f1\insrsid15814733\charrsid7239019 .  }{
\i\f1\insrsid4854467\charrsid7239019   }{\i\f1\insrsid6646924\charrsid7239019 Another}{\i\f1\insrsid4854467\charrsid7239019  is that my profession most certainly wouldn\rquote t}{\i\f1\insrsid4422212\charrsid7239019  approve}{
\i\f1\insrsid4854467\charrsid7239019 .  Although you are not my patient }{\i\f1\insrsid6847448\charrsid7239019 I }{\i\f1\insrsid9850486\charrsid7239019 owed}{\i\f1\insrsid6847448\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9850486\charrsid7239019 you }{
\i\f1\insrsid6847448\charrsid7239019 a duty of fidelity }{\i\f1\insrsid9850486\charrsid7239019 from the moment you }{\i\f1\insrsid8671260\charrsid7239019 sat in that chair}{\i\f1\insrsid9850486\charrsid7239019 
 and which now attaches to you for life and beyond}{\i\f1\insrsid6847448\charrsid7239019 , and precious as the experience of sex }{\i\f1\insrsid14172514\charrsid7239019 with you }{\i\f1\insrsid6847448\charrsid7239019 would be}{
\i\f1\insrsid14172514\charrsid7239019  to me, I cannot value it more highly than my career.  Thirdly and not insignificantly }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 that wretched}{\i\f1\insrsid6646924\charrsid7239019  male ego}{
\i\f1\insrsid2121978\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 of mine }{\i\f1\insrsid2121978\charrsid7239019 would make me }{\i\f1\insrsid5140650\charrsid7239019 all too aware that neither my penis nor my performance would}{
\i\f1\insrsid15284481\charrsid7239019  compare with those of the younger and far more athletic partners to whom I am sure you are accustomed, and while I have absolutely no doubt}{\i\f1\insrsid13317653\charrsid7239019  that you would be unconcerned }{
\i\f1\insrsid16144361\charrsid7239019 by this, I fear me I would be all too aware of it}{\i\f1\insrsid3418832\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5010238\charrsid7239019 during the act }{\i\f1\insrsid3418832\charrsid7239019 and be diminished in my own eyes}{
\i\f1\insrsid16144361\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid10910659\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7410538\charrsid7239019 
\par Another, and for me }{\i\f1\insrsid2232894\charrsid7239019 insurmountable problem with accepting your offer is that }{\i\f1\insrsid10356422\charrsid7239019 we both}{\i\f1\insrsid2232894\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5318885\charrsid7239019 
know perfectly well there is no *real* Stacy Stevens. }{\i\f1\insrsid4797245\charrsid7239019  She is a ghost of }{\i\f1\insrsid10356422\charrsid7239019 light and electrons}{\i\f1\insrsid3296471\charrsid7239019  haunting DVDs and video-tape}{
\i\f1\insrsid10356422\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid3037128\charrsid7239019 cassettes}{\i\f1\insrsid3296471\charrsid7239019 . }{\i\f1\insrsid5318885\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid15271677\charrsid7239019 The woman whose secret}{
\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019  places}{\i\f1\insrsid15271677\charrsid7239019  I would be }{\i\f1\insrsid1911327\charrsid7239019 uncovering}{\i\f1\insrsid15271677\charrsid7239019 , whose eyes I would }{\i\f1\insrsid1911327\charrsid7239019 be}{
\i\f1\insrsid15271677\charrsid7239019  looking }{\i\f1\insrsid1911327\charrsid7239019 into in the hope of}{\i\f1\insrsid15271677\charrsid7239019  see}{\i\f1\insrsid1911327\charrsid7239019 ing her soul}{\i\f1\insrsid15271677\charrsid7239019  rather}{
\i\f1\insrsid1911327\charrsid7239019  than my own face, }{\i\f1\insrsid10096686\charrsid7239019 whose flesh would be receiving }{\i\f1\insrsid7554482\charrsid7239019 my s}{\i\f1\insrsid11546476\charrsid7239019 ubstance}{
\i\f1\insrsid7554482\charrsid7239019  in its innermost recesses, would be Miss Stacy Bartlett}{\i\f1\insrsid1801907\charrsid7239019  who}{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid1801907\charrsid7239019 
 to the extent that I know her at all, is a fourteen-year-old girl}{\i\f1\insrsid8406065\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5900224\charrsid7239019 still struggling to define her sexuality and reconcile the }{\i\f1\insrsid10688469\charrsid7239019 d}{
\i\f1\insrsid5900224\charrsid7239019 eep love she feels for her brother}{\i\f1\insrsid10688469\charrsid7239019  and which she chooses to express by giving him the gift of sex}{\i\f1\insrsid5208565\charrsid7239019  in addition to her friendship and trust}{
\i\f1\insrsid12128935\charrsid7239019 , and the joy she receives in return for that gift, }{\i\f1\insrsid3296471\charrsid7239019 with }{\i\f1\insrsid15881481\charrsid7239019 a powerful sense that what she is doing is wrong}{
\i\f1\insrsid11487485\charrsid7239019  and that joy tainted because society says it is }{\i\f1\insrsid1142399\charrsid7239019 yet gives no reason}{\i\f1\insrsid11487485\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid15881481\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 

\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10092643\charrsid7239019 So I deeply appreciate the offer and know it is made it in the spirit of a genuine gift, as perhaps the only thing }{\i\f1\insrsid6751134\charrsid7239019 you }{\i\f1\insrsid10230051\charrsid7239019 believe}{
\i\f1\insrsid6751134\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10092643\charrsid7239019 you possess and are able to bestow I would actually value .  }{\i\f1\insrsid8938251\charrsid7239019 You are wrong about that.  }{\i\f1\insrsid5983805\charrsid7239019 
While I would value it, y}{\i\f1\insrsid8938251\charrsid7239019 ou have a great many other things}{\i\f1\insrsid1180250\charrsid7239019  to offer apart from sex any man worthy of you would }{\i\f1\insrsid5983805\charrsid7239019 also }{
\i\f1\insrsid1180250\charrsid7239019 value, and you must never, never forget that.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8857874\charrsid7239019 Moreover, the only sex really worth having with you is sex like the sex you }{\i\f1\insrsid16731497\charrsid7239019 give}{
\i\f1\insrsid8857874\charrsid7239019  your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid480540\charrsid7239019 , given with love and your}{\i\f1\insrsid10228609\charrsid7239019  whole}{\i\f1\insrsid480540\charrsid7239019 
 heart as well.  You did not offer me that, and neither should you for I }{\i\f1\insrsid9314020\charrsid7239019 have not }{\i\f1\insrsid13788122\charrsid7239019 the right to}{\i\f1\insrsid9314020\charrsid7239019  it}{\i\f1\insrsid16731497\charrsid7239019 
 he has}{\i\f1\insrsid9314020\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid10092643\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9314020\charrsid7239019 Lastly, Stacy, I\rquote m not aski}{\i\f1\insrsid4000288\charrsid7239019 ng you to trust me}{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019  with}{\i\f1\insrsid4000288\charrsid7239019  fucking your body.  I\rquote 
m asking you to trust me }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 with }{\i\f1\insrsid4000288\charrsid7239019 fucking your mind.}{\i\f1\insrsid9314020\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14893174\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14893174\charrsid7239019 Well, that put me in my place.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7410538\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 Well, you might also like to contemplate my observation }{\i\f1\insrsid9469072 previously}{\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019  about children provoking conf}{\i\f1\insrsid13788122\charrsid7239019 
rontations over boundaries.  This }{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 a boundary for very good reasons and I ask you to respect it}{\i\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019  because you }{\i\f1\insrsid13788122\charrsid7239019 
are old and intelligent enough }{\i\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019 understand what and why }{\i\f1\insrsid13788122\charrsid7239019 it is}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid16404595\charrsid7239019 You}{
\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  are not a child to have to test them by confrontation.  It }{\i\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019 wa}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 s also childish to call me \lquote doc\rquote .
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 OK.  OK.  You\rquote ve made your point.  }{\f1\insrsid5385561\charrsid7239019 Now you\rquote re}{\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  making me *feel* like a child.}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019   }{
\i\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 
\par Stacy, you are}{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019  feeling}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 threatened and }{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 frightened}{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 
, just as your sister }{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 was}{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 as she sat on her bed }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 that night}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 
.  Your first experience as }{\i\f1\insrsid16077631 her}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  was }{\i\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019 very }{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 shocking and unpleasant}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  and now I
\rquote ve asked you to }{\i\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019 do it}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  again}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 .  You have always known your sister had a dark and }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 pain-filled}
{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019  shadow }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 which }{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 you did not}{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019  but }{
\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 you }{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 locked this away in your }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 subconscious because if she who at least knew its name could not face it how could you?}{
\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019   Now I am asking you to }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 face}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019  it}{\i\f1\insrsid16077631  }{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019  and i}{
\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 t is natural}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019  that you}{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019  fear it}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 I}{
\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 t is }{\i\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019 also }{\i\f1\insrsid7543944\charrsid7239019 natural to react to fearful situations by regressing 
to childhood when, if you were fortunate, you experienced comfort and security.  }{\i\f1\insrsid16404595\charrsid7239019 You received a high degree of safety and security experiencing sex in your brother\rquote 
s arms and so have an unconscious response to a threatening situation by seeking safety and 
security experiencing sex, ideally in the arms of your brother but if is he not available in the arms of a substitute.  This is totally understandable, but in a beautiful twenty-f}{\i\f1\insrsid12261017 ive}{\i\f1\insrsid16404595\charrsid7239019 
-year-old woman is also very}{\i\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019  undesirable if not downright}{\i\f1\insrsid16404595\charrsid7239019  dangerous for her.  *Have* I made my point?
\par }{\f1\insrsid16404595\charrsid7239019 
\par Yes.}{\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019   I understand.  I}{\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 \rquote ve done}{\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019  some - things \endash 
 that seemed OK at the time but which I regretted and sometimes caused me grief afterwards, and you\rquote ve helped me understand why I did them.  }{\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019 Thanks for}{\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019  the lesson.}{
\f1\insrsid4936064\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 Are you ready?}{\i\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 Deirdre tells us almost nothing of the set}{\i\f1\insrsid10688907\charrsid7239019 ting}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019  for this drama.  It is night, home, her old bedroom and it contains a bed and }{
\i\f1\insrsid10688907\charrsid7239019 a small light beside it.   Let us enlarge on this.  What time of night?}{\i\f1\insrsid2698696\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10688907\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10688907\charrsid7239019 Oh, bed-time.  I\rquote d gone up about ten and heard {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} come up a few minutes later and go to her room.  I\rquote 
d been waiting for her, I was angry and wanted to get it off my chest, but when it came to it I chickened out and remained in my room}{\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019  arguing with myself}{\f1\insrsid10688907\charrsid7239019 
.  I even got ready for bed.  Part of me was telling me not to do it, that it would only make it worse, but another part wanted to clear the air.  To put {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}
 out of her misery.  I heard Jeff come up a while later}{\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019  and decided to go to him instead.  To talk about {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}.  We hadn\rquote t really had a chance to since she
\rquote d got back from college, and about that I knew she knew\'85  So after a couple of minutes for him to get into bed I went into the hall towards his room, but {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}\rquote 
s door was open a fraction and I saw her and knew I had to do it there and then.}{\f1\insrsid10688907\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019 You each had your own bedroom?  That\rquote s three.  Plus Mom?  Sisters often have to share a bedroom.  Sisters often like sharing a bedroom.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019 There were three bedrooms upstairs, so we could have one each.  The attic had been turned into a bedroom, too.  That was Mom\rquote s.}{\f1\insrsid8014333\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12066756\charrsid7239019 How long had you lived there?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid590298 Ha.  That\rquote s, ah..  That\rquote s an odd one.}{\f1\insrsid9981951\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid12280057 We\rquote d }{\f1\insrsid6970774 just moved there, but}{\f1\insrsid12280057  }{\f1\insrsid3428574 had }{
\f1\insrsid12280057 lived there }{\f1\insrsid6970774 before.}{\f1\insrsid12066756 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4407882 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4407882 Explain?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4407882 When Mom and Dad married her people gave them a house.  Mom\rquote s people are quite wealthy.  Own half the town, in fact.  Mom and Dad didn\rquote t own the house.  It was a trust or something.  Rent was 10 cents a week.  So that
\rquote s where they lived until the divorce.  But after it because Dad\rquote s job was in town and Mom wanted to be as far from him as possible we gave up the }{\f1\insrsid2187630 house}{\f1\insrsid4407882 
 and moved right across the country, and the house was let.  When Dad was killed, tho\rquote , Mom moved us back.  She wanted to be near her folks, and us to be near them, and she wanted {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}
 to go to her old college.  And they got the old house back for us.  Kicked the tenants somewhere else.
\par }{\f1\insrsid2844787 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2844787 Your father is dead?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2844787 Yes.  He was killed in a car smash about a year before this happened.   Mom didn\rquote t even tell us until after the funeral, so we wouldn\rquote t have to worry whether or not to go.}{\f1\insrsid2844787\charrsid2844787 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4407882 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4407882 Oh, I see.  So when Deirdre writes that she was back in her old room that night\'85
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4407882 Yes, she was.  For the first time, too.  Mom didn\rquote t move us back until the vacation.  She wanted {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} to finish her last year at High School without disruption}{
\f1\insrsid2187630 , }{\f1\insrsid4407882  and}{\f1\insrsid2187630  get}{\f1\insrsid4407882  her exams.  Then she sent {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} o}{\f1\insrsid2187630 f}{\f1\insrsid4407882 f for a month in }{
\f1\insrsid3687006 {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Spain}{\f1\insrsid4407882 {\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 while we actually moved back.  The last tenants had left a bit of a mess and Mom wanted it all redecorated, and {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}\rquote s room wasn\rquote t ready when she got back from }{\f1\insrsid2844787 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Spain}{\f1\insrsid4407882 {\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} so she was out in
 the annex until she went to College.  So yeah, that would have been her first night back in her old room since, oh, }{\f1\insrsid2187630 eight or nine years gone.}{\f1\insrsid4407882 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 That\rquote s very interesting.  So how much like her old room was it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 Oh, I don\rquote t know.  Don\rquote t forget I was only five when we\rquote d left before.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 Of course  So you\rquote d been away what, nine years.  Half her life?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 Guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 Describe the room for me.  You\rquote re sitting on the bed.  Was it }{\i\f1\insrsid3409517 her}{\i\f1\insrsid6970774  old bed?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 I suppose so.  We\rquote d shifted with all our furniture, both times.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 What\rquote s on it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}\rquote s counterpane.  The one she\rquote d }{\f1\insrsid14299780 always }{\f1\insrsid6970774 had.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 Going how far back?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 Oh, a long way.  I mean, it had fairies on it.  Like th}{\f1\insrsid3409517 e}{\f1\insrsid6970774  one in that Disney movie, what was it?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 Tinkerbell?  \lquote Peter Pan\rquote ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 Maybe.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 So it was a kid\rquote s counterpane.  A little girl\rquote s one?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6970774 Yeah.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6970774 Think it odd that your grown-up sister should still have it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13978716 Not really.  I mean, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee}{\f1\insrsid3428574 {\*\xmlclose} }{\f1\insrsid14299780 did}{\f1\insrsid3428574  very good at school}{\f1\insrsid13978716  and read some heavy stuff \endash 
 Hemingway, that kind of thing \endash  but in some ways she never grew up.}{\f1\insrsid6970774 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13978716 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13978716 Explain?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13978716 Oh, I can\rquote t.  It\rquote s just\'85 Well she could be childish, sometimes, and \'85  I mean, }{\f1\insrsid14299780 like }{\f1\insrsid13978716 she never really gave up dolls,}{\f1\insrsid14299780  thinking they had feelings, }{
\f1\insrsid13978716  that kind of thing.}{\f1\insrsid14299780   Like throwing them away would hurt them.}{\f1\insrsid13978716 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13978716 OK. Is the bed in a corner, or the middle of the wall?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13978716 In the corner.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13978716 W}{\i\f1\insrsid13978716\charrsid13978716 here\rquote s the window?}{\i\f1\insrsid13978716 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13978716 Wall facing the foot of the bed.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13978716 The door?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13978716 In the }{\f1\insrsid3409517 wall }{\f1\insrsid13978716 opposite}{\f1\insrsid3409517  the bed}{\f1\insrsid13978716 .
\par }{\f1\insrsid8598541 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8598541 So the bed was placed as far from the door as possible, and with the best view of it?}{\i\f1\insrsid14299780   And in the security of a corner?  It could only be approached from one direction?}{\i\f1\insrsid8598541 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8598541 Uh, yeah.  Guess it would be.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid146107 What about this light Jeff switched on?}{\i\f1\insrsid8598541 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid146107 
\par }{\f1\insrsid146107 On her bedside table.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15362 S}{\i\f1\insrsid146107 o he would have had to cross the room in darkness in order to switch it on?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid146107 Yes, he would.   Maybe there was some light from the hallway.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid146107\charrsid146107 Given that he was hoping to be spending an enjoyable half-an-hour in bed with }{\i\f1\insrsid15362 his big sister}{\i\f1\insrsid146107\charrsid146107 
, is it likely he would have left the hall light on and the door open with your Mom}{\i\f1\insrsid15362  just}{\i\f1\insrsid146107\charrsid146107  upstairs?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid146107\charrsid146107 No, put like that.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid146107 
\par What about the window.  Drapes drawn?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid146107 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid146107 Much light coming through them, from street-standards maybe?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid146107 No.  It didn\rquote t look out at the street.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid146107 Read Deirdre\rquote s story.  \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid146107\charrsid15160556 I awoke. It was still night. "Wake up," came a whisper. It was Jeff! By my bed! He turned on a small light by my bed.}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 \'94  S}{
\i\f1\insrsid3409517 o s}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 he woke out of sleep to a whisper from someone standing by her bed in what sounds like pretty complete darkness.  Someone who speaks before turning on the light.  }{\i\f1\insrsid3409517 E}{
\i\f1\insrsid15160556 very girl\rquote s nightmare, }{\i\f1\insrsid3409517  I would have}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556  thought.}{\i\f1\insrsid146107 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15160556 Yeah, but }{\f1\insrsid3409517 it seems }{\f1\insrsid15160556 she knew it was Jeff.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 How?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15160556 I don\rquote t know.  You\rquote ll have to ask him.  I wasn\rquote t there.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 I will.  It occurs to me, though, that }{\i\f1\insrsid3428574 one explanation would be that}{\i\f1\insrsid8877502  she}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556  was }{\i\f1\insrsid3409517 pretty much}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 
 expecting Jeff.  As if she knew you would send him to her.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15160556 Possible, I suppose}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 Was there any lock or bolt on the door?}{\i\f1\insrsid15160556 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8877502 I don\rquote t think so.  There wasn\rquote t on mine.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 A chair she could lodge under the handle?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8877502 There was a chair at her dressing-table, yeah.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 So }{\i\f1\insrsid3687006 even if}{\i\f1\insrsid8877502  she }{\i\f1\insrsid15362 had }{\i\f1\insrsid14299780 been }{\i\f1\insrsid15362 only}{\i\f1\insrsid3687006  half-}{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 
expecting you to send Jeff to her she didn\rquote t do what she could }{\i\f1\insrsid3687006 easily }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 have done to keep him out?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8877502 Looks like it, yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 So in fact she might have wanted him to come in?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8877502 I guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 When you left did you close the door behind you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8877502 Yeah.  Yeah, I\rquote m pretty sure I did.  I remember }{\f1\insrsid3409517 I was pleased I felt so calm and controlled, }{\f1\insrsid8877502 closing it gently \lquote til it clicked}{\f1\insrsid10626998  shut}{\f1\insrsid3687006 
 rather than slamming it}{\f1\insrsid8877502 . 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3687006 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 Anything else on the bedside table?
\par }{\f1\insrsid8877502\charrsid10626998 
\par Her clock, and a book I think.}{\f1\insrsid8877502 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 She had a dressing table and chair.  Mirror on it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 Yes, usual thing.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 Any other furniture?  Wardrobe, chest of drawers?}{\i\f1\insrsid10626998\charrsid10626998 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8877502 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 Yes, }{\f1\insrsid11156020 as }{\f1\insrsid10626998 a unit}{\f1\insrsid6103276  on the wall beside the bed.}{\f1\insrsid10626998 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 Anything on the walls?}{\i\f1\insrsid3687006   Decorations?}{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 Her pictures.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 Oh?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 She\rquote d had them }{\f1\insrsid3428574 at our}{\f1\insrsid10626998  last place.  Posters, really.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 Pop-stars, that kind of thing?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 Oh no, not Deirdre.  Pictures of knights and dragons, that kind of thing.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 You mean prints?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 Yes, prints not posters.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 Can you describe them?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10626998 Heavens, it\rquote s ten years ago.  Does it matter?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10626998 If she\rquote d brought them from her last }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 home}{\i\f1\insrsid10626998  they obviously }{\i\f1\insrsid7806285 meant}{\i\f1\insrsid10626998  something to her, and thus }{\i\f1\insrsid7806285 say }{
\i\f1\insrsid10626998 something about her.  Yet I wonder why she hadn\rquote t taken them with her to College.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3428574 Well, t}{\f1\insrsid10626998 here was a knight}{\f1\insrsid15362  with a sword and shield}{\f1\insrsid10626998  facing a }{\f1\insrsid11156020 monster}{\f1\insrsid13906866 , you know the kind of thing.  It was on a beach, and the }{
\f1\insrsid11156020 monster}{\f1\insrsid13906866  was}{\f1\insrsid5330927  coming out of}{\f1\insrsid13906866  the waves.}{\f1\insrsid10626998 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13906866 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13906866 No girl?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13906866 Yeah, in the corner.  Behind the knight.  She\rquote s on the ground, looking up.  Not wearing very much}{\f1\insrsid3687006  and that}{\f1\insrsid7806285 \rquote s}{\f1\insrsid3687006  in shreds}{\f1\insrsid13906866 .  And she
\rquote s in chains.  Quite sexy, really.  Might suggest it to my producer.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13906866 Sounds like Perseus and Andromeda, although Perseus was ancient Greek rather than a medieval knight.   Not that that mattered to the Victorians.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13906866 Victorians?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13906866 They loved that kind of thing, too.  }{\i\f1\insrsid15362 The w}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 omen }{\i\f1\insrsid15362 of}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020  antiquity didn\rquote t wear crinolines and high necks}{\i\f1\insrsid10645733 
 so you were allowed to paint them with their tits hanging out, for the sake of authenticity.  It was the soft porn of the day.  }{\i\f1\insrsid13906866 Any more?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13906866\charrsid13906866 Yeah.}{\f1\insrsid13906866    A girl in }{\f1\insrsid7806285 the sea}{\f1\insrsid14565962 , }{\f1\insrsid14834085 in}{\f1\insrsid14565962  }{\f1\insrsid7679182 big curling }{\f1\insrsid14565962 waves}{
\f1\insrsid13906866 .  There\rquote s land, a cliff, and a house}{\f1\insrsid14834085  I think}{\f1\insrsid13906866 , yeah, a house behind her.  }{\f1\insrsid9971459 But she\rquote s despairing.  She\rquote s going to drown herself.}{\f1\insrsid13906866 

\par }{\f1\insrsid9971459 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 Arthur Rackham\rquote s \lquote Undine\rquote .  She\rquote s not going to drown herself.  She\rquote s returning to where she came from.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9971459 You\rquote re kidding me.  You recognised it from that?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 Not entirely.  }{\i\f1\insrsid7806285 She still had it,}{\i\f1\insrsid9971459  in her bedroom in her apartment.  The Perseus}{\i\f1\insrsid544600\charrsid544600  }{\i\f1\insrsid544600 and}{\i\f1\insrsid9971459  }{
\i\f1\insrsid544600 Andromeda }{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 wasn\rquote t.  Interesting.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9971459 Interesting?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 Well, perhaps.   Undine was a water spirit who was promised a human soul while a man loved her.  She found a man to love her and s}{\i\f1\insrsid5330927 o}{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 
 gained a soul, but when he was unfaithful to her lost it again and had to return to the sea.  Essentially it\rquote s about }{\i\f1\insrsid227905 loneliness, }{\i\f1\insrsid14565962 commitment, }{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 
and the consequences of unfaithfulness.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9971459 And the other one?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 Andromeda}{\i\f1\insrsid6103276 , a virgin,}{\i\f1\insrsid9971459  has been chained to a rock on the shore as a}{\i\f1\insrsid227905 n offering}{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 
 to a sea-monster which has been ravaging the island, so it will go away.  Perseus happens along at the right time, kills the monster and carries Andromeda }{\i\f1\insrsid14565962 off}{\i\f1\insrsid9971459 .}{\i\f1\insrsid14565962 
  Marries her, in fact.  }{\i\f1\insrsid227905 In legend their line becomes the Persians.  }{\i\f1\insrsid14565962 So it\rquote s about sacrifice, rescue and }{\i\f1\insrsid6886782 new starts}{\i\f1\insrsid14565962 .  Can you remember any more?}{
\i\f1\insrsid9971459 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14565962 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14565962 Oh yes,  }{\f1\insrsid11156020 I liked this one.   A}{\f1\insrsid14565962  girl and a unicorn.  }{\f1\insrsid11156020   }{\f1\insrsid14565962 She}{\f1\insrsid11156020 \rquote s}{\f1\insrsid14565962  standing by its head, }{
\f1\insrsid11156020 a }{\f1\insrsid14565962 great white, powerful horse with a long twist}{\f1\insrsid7806285 ing}{\f1\insrsid14565962  horn that could spear her in a moment, but it\rquote s bowing to her.  }{\f1\insrsid14834085 Sexy as hell, but I don
\rquote t do animals.  That\rquote s all about virginity, right?}{\f1\insrsid14565962 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14834085 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085\charrsid14834085 Yes.  }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 And Power.  The virgin has the power to command the Unicorn, but she loses it with her virginity. }{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 Th}{\i\f1\insrsid16533225 us the}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 
 virgin\rquote s power is only to command}{\i\f1\insrsid16533225  a}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020  power}{\i\f1\insrsid16533225  offered as a compensati}{\i\f1\insrsid227905 on and reward for foregoing sex}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 
 She still had that one, too.  Any more?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14834085 There was one with knights on horses.  A castle in the background looking like something out of {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Disneyland{\*\xmlclose}, but I can\rquote t remember very much about it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 Was there one with a girl about to }{\i\f1\insrsid227905 ride her horse }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 into a fire?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14834085 No, and I\rquote m sure I would have remembered that.  Why?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 She had it in her apartment.  The immolation of Brunnehilde}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid13502763  }{\i\f1\insrsid227905 who takes the Old Order of Gods down with her}{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 .}{\i\f1\insrsid13502763 
  A story of}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020  love,}{\i\f1\insrsid13502763  betrayal and endings.  }{\i\f1\insrsid16533225 It\rquote s the reverse of the Perseus / Andromeda story}{\i\f1\insrsid227905  and another}{\i\f1\insrsid16533225  possible ending to it.}{
\i\f1\insrsid227905   As indeed is the Undine story, if you equate the soul with sexuality.}{\i\f1\insrsid14834085\charrsid14834085 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14834085 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11156020 Heavy stuff.}{\f1\insrsid14834085 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11156020 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 Powerful stuff, if you buy into it.}{\i\f1\insrsid5330927   Anything else in the room?}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5330927 
\par }{\f1\insrsid544600 No.  No wait.  Yes.  Oscar.}{\f1\insrsid5330927 
\par }{\f1\insrsid544600 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid544600 Oscar?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid544600 Yeah, it was a damn great teddy-bear.  Must\rquote ve been }{\f1\insrsid16533225 over three}{\f1\insrsid544600 -foot tall, standing up.  Was sat down, tho\rquote .  On the foot of her bed.  Would have been looking up at her}{
\f1\insrsid10447473  all night}{\f1\insrsid544600 .  Gave me the creeps.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid544600 That was still in her bedroom, too.  In a chair.  Gave you the creeps?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid544600\charrsid3148870 Damn thing was bigger than me, \lquote til I was about eight.  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} used to sleep with it in her bed but I wouldn\rquote t have wanted it in the same room.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid544600 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid544600\charrsid3148870 When did she get it?}{\i\f1\insrsid11156020\charrsid3148870 
\par }{\f1\insrsid544600 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3148870\charrsid3148870 Always had it, as far as I can remember.  Hell, I remember it being bigger than her.  I don\rquote t think she could shift it on her own}{\f1\insrsid3148870  then}{\f1\insrsid3148870\charrsid3148870 .}{
\f1\insrsid544600\charrsid3148870 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3148870\charrsid3148870 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3148870\charrsid3148870 Any idea who bought it for her?}{\i\f1\insrsid3148870 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3148870 No, or when.  Could have been Gran-pops.  He doted on her.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3148870 Why did it give you the creeps, though?  I would have thought you were more likely to be jealous of it.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3148870 No, I didn\rquote t like it.  It looked friendly but }{\f1\insrsid6886782 I kinda\rquote  felt that if you }{\f1\insrsid16533225 let it get}{\f1\insrsid3148870  too close it would hurt you.  Stupid.  It was just a stuffed bear.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3148870\charrsid3148870 Oscar.  A male name.}{\i\f1\insrsid3148870   And she slept with it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9134718 Oh, come on.  I used to undress a doll called Barbie.  Does that make me a lesbian?}{\f1\insrsid3148870 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9134718 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9134718 But you wouldn\rquote t have slept with this bear?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9134718 No. 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9134718 Remember the empathy thing?  You }{\i\f1\insrsid6886782 *felt*}{\i\f1\insrsid9134718  something different about this bear t}{\i\f1\insrsid10961483 o what}{\i\f1\insrsid9134718  your sister did.  There was a reason for that.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9134718 Oh? What?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9134718 I\rquote ve no idea.  I want to go back to that bedroom.  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}\rquote s sitting on the bed.  What is she wearing?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9134718 Bra and panties.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9134718 Wait.  You said you were on your way to Jeff\rquote 
s room when you saw your sister through her door, which was ajar.  And she was sitting on her bed in her bra and panties?  So anyone, including Jeff, could have seen her.  Was that usual behaviour for her?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2783514 No.  I wouldn\rquote t have said so.  You think she was dangling herself for Jeff?}{\f1\insrsid9134718 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2783514 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2783514 It\rquote s a possibility.  Although you haven\rquote t issued your challenge to her yet, we know she\rquote s admitted your incest with your brother to herself.  It might have jolted her into becoming pro-active.  You say Jeff hadn
\rquote t seen the signs}{\i\f1\insrsid15362  she}{\i\f1\insrsid5510170  w}{\i\f1\insrsid15362 as giving out }{\i\f1\insrsid2783514 that she \lquote wanted\rquote  him.  Perhaps she}{\i\f1\insrsid10447473 \rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid2783514 d }{
\i\f1\insrsid10447473 come to the same conclusion and }{\i\f1\insrsid2783514 decided to be a bit more blatant}{\i\f1\insrsid10447473 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid2783514  without actually hanging a sign around her neck.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2783514 Could be.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2783514 And what are you wearing?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2783514 Just a gown.  
\par }{\f1\insrsid1585476 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1585476 {\*\bkmkstart Temp}{\*\bkmkend Temp}From the story it seems she didn\rquote t get up.  Stayed sat on the bed all the time.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1585476 Yes.  I just walked up to the bed and looked down at her}{\f1\insrsid13199609  looking up at me}{\f1\insrsid1585476 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1585476 That\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 curious}{\i\f1\insrsid1585476 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid6886782 Some}{\i\f1\insrsid1585476 one sitting is usually going to feel in an inferior position to someone standing.  It\rquote 
s why some jurisdictions require policemen to remain seated during interviews.  Standing over someone is oppressive.  Even if you were naturally taller than }{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 she}{\i\f1\insrsid1585476 
 you would have been at much less of an advantage had she stood. }{\i\f1\insrsid6382233  I wonder why she didn\rquote t.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 It\rquote s like she never even tried}{\i\f1\insrsid6886782  to face}{\i\f1\insrsid13199609  up to }{
\i\f1\insrsid6886782 you}{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 . }{\i\f1\insrsid6382233  And}{\i\f1\insrsid1585476  I wonder why she writes that you looked down at her over your *chest* rather than your breasts. }{\i\f1\insrsid6382233  And she doesn\rquote 
t say you were much *taller*, rather }{\i\f1\insrsid11536608 you were }{\i\f1\insrsid6382233 much *bigger*.  She may have been diminutive, but although you\rquote re tall no-one could call you big-framed }{\i\f1\insrsid11536608 or heavily-built }{
\i\f1\insrsid6382233 and at fourteen you wouldn\rquote t have finished growing.  I wouldn\rquote t call you big-breasted, either, yet to me that\rquote s what I read Deirdre as saying.  That you were looking down at her o
ver an impressive bosom, like a school-ma}{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 \rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid6382233 m.  I\rquote ve seen \lquote photos of her and she looked nicely in proportion just as, if I may say, you do.   }{\i\f1\insrsid1585476 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6382233 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8544004 Yeah.  I wondered about that.  I was taller, but she could be a hell-cat despite her size.}{\f1\insrsid6382233 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8544004 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 Do you think she might have been jealous of your breasts?  Because they were bigger?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8544004 I don\rquote t know why, if she was.  Sure hers were small, but so was she.  Bigger tits would have made her look busty, but I don\rquote t think she ever flaunt}{\f1\insrsid12344135 ed}{\f1\insrsid8544004 
 what she had let alone hanker}{\f1\insrsid12344135 ing}{\f1\insrsid8544004  for more.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 \'93I felt like a child next to her\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid11536608  , she says next}{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 
.  Why?  She was almost nineteen.  You were fourteen.  No-one could have thought she *looked* like a child next to you even if you were taller.  But she *felt* like a child.  Because you}{\i\f1\insrsid5510170  were}{\i\f1\insrsid8544004  }{
\i\f1\insrsid9048664 not a virgin}{\i\f1\insrsid8544004  and }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 were }{\i\f1\insrsid8544004 therefore a woman}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid8544004  while she was }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 a virgin and not yet a woman}{
\i\f1\insrsid8544004 ?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3428574 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3428574 I guess so.  She knew a lot more than me, had done a lot more than me.  But I knew what it was like to be screwed and she didn\rquote t.
\par }{\f1\insrsid6886782 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5510170 I suspect it was more a matter of power.  You had assumed your sexual power over men while she hadn\rquote t.  }{\i\f1\insrsid6886782 But she must }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 have been acutely aware of that to have}{\i\f1\insrsid6886782 
 felt diminished by it.  Yet if she felt it that strongly why hadn\rquote t she done something about it, }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 with some gentle hunk from College if not earlier}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid6886782 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9048664 Maybe she didn\rquote t trust them to be gentle.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 There may be a lot in that.  So, Dee, you}{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 r}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664  little sister\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 s}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664  holding you by the chin and though you\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid5510170 r}{
\i\f1\insrsid9048664 e lean}{\i\f1\insrsid5510170 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664  }{\i\f1\insrsid5510170 away}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664  you can\rquote t escape her because she\rquote s come with you and is leaning over you.  You\rquote 
re so afraid of what she could do, has the power to do.  She\rquote s a woman, has known a man\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 great}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490  }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 weight on her, pressing her}{\i\f1\insrsid11097166  }{
\i\f1\insrsid14961656 soft }{\i\f1\insrsid11097166 b}{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 ody}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664  to the bed, impossible to escape from as his penis, that powerful}{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 , urgent, throbbing}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664  projectio
n where you have nothing}{\i\f1\insrsid1386159  but emptiness}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 , reach}{\i\f1\insrsid10961483 es}{\i\f1\insrsid1386159  deep }{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 inside her, stabbing into her, squirting the hot slime inside her}{
\i\f1\insrsid1386159 .  She has known this, yet she is here leaning over you, s}{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 till}{\i\f1\insrsid1386159  her true self, outwardly unmarked, undamaged.  She is no-longer virgin yet 
only the Unicorn would know that by looking at her for there are no outwards signs, no marks on the forehead left by }{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 the fire of }{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 sex, no blemish on her }{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 innocent }{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 
skin}{\i\f1\insrsid11097166  as sex boils in her blood}{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 
.  She has done what you cannot imagine doing.  Younger that you in years she has passed through the pain and the flame and knows what lies beyond them as you do not.  She is woman and you still the little child.}{\i\f1\insrsid9048664 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 
\par And she leans forward still, your little sister the woman, and you cannot escape.}{\i\f1\insrsid11097166   She comes closer a}{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 nd}{\i\f1\insrsid11097166  you have nowhere to go as her lips brush yours}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847 
, her soft breath fills your mouth, her other hand on your cheek.  Her mouth on yours more firmly, pressing you back still further, down onto the be
d, the tip of her tongue exploring your lips, the hand on your chin gone now, gone to your throat caressing it, the other hand now holding your head, fingers entwined in your hair. And your hands, Dee, your hands are free at your sides buried in the folds
 of Stacy\rquote s gown as it has fallen open, her breasts as she leans over you hang}{\i\f1\insrsid15209632  down}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847  from her body, soft and round as her hand on your throat slides between you}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490 r bodies}{
\i\f1\insrsid9787847  gently down into the valley between your}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490  breast}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847 s and }{\i\f1\insrsid1317490 eases}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847  }{\i\f1\insrsid5510170 under}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847  the }{\i\f1\insrsid5510170 
cloth}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847  of your bra to cup }{\i\f1\insrsid1317490 you}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847  in her fingers pressing and squeezing, thumb playing with your nipple and st}{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 r}{\i\f1\insrsid9787847 iking }{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 
sparks from it like flin}{\i\f1\insrsid15209632 t}{\i\f1\insrsid14961656  from a stone.  Stacy\rquote s breasts, Dee, just lift your hands and they are there for you to fondle and weigh, to gently squeeze and feel her f
irm femininity squeeze gently back.  Her nipples, Dee, desire your touch, those twin buttons which with her clitoris as the third make up the triangle of the female now only inches away from}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490  merging with }{\i\f1\insrsid14961656 
the triangle that is you, the three tingling points that contain your heart and womb}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490  and all the mystery that is Woman.  Her breasts, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, your little sister\rquote 
s soft breasts now almost pressed to yours as her tongue parts your lips and seeks out yours and her hand on your breast caresses it and squeezes it}{\i\f1\insrsid15209632 .  H}{\i\f1\insrsid1317490 er breasts need your hands to hold them}{
\i\f1\insrsid15209632 , Dee}{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 . Will you lift them to her}{\i\f1\insrsid15933994  and lift her, }{\i\f1\insrsid9645570  or lie still.}{\i\f1\insrsid1386159 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9645570 I\rquote ll lift them.}{\f1\insrsid15933994   And lift them.}{\f1\insrsid9645570 \line 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 And what do you feel?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9645570 Warm softness, so gentle.  Such smoothness. Such fullness.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9645570\charrsid15209632 And at their peaks?
\par }{\i\f1\ul\insrsid9645570 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9645570\charrsid9645570 Like pebbles}{\f1\insrsid9645570 , small pebbles, in discs of velvet. }{\f1\insrsid15933994 Pink velvet.  }{\f1\insrsid9645570 So beautiful.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 Are yours not as beautiful?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9645570 Yes, I can feel them now as her fingers trace them, pick them out.  I had not known they were so beautiful.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 Then why hide them?  Disguise them?  Is it not right you should walk down the street with them naked? }{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 Proudly d}{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 isplaying their beauty for all to see.  For all to see you}{
\i\f1\insrsid13199609 , the woman proud of her breasts}{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9645570 No, I couldn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 Couldn\rquote t, or shouldn\rquote t?}{\i\f1\insrsid9645570 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15933994 Shouldn\rquote t.  I could, but the eyes of others on them\'85  I shouldn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 Whose eyes}{\i\f1\insrsid13199609  are they for, then?  Whose eye}{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 s alone is their beauty for?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15933994 I can\rquote t\'85  It is empty.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 Is it Jeff?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15933994 Jeff could see them.  They could be beautiful for him.  But it wouldn\rquote t be right.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 Because he is your brother?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15933994 Yes.  No.  It would}{\f1\insrsid15209632  not}{\f1\insrsid15933994  be *right*.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 OK.  It wouldn\rquote t be right.  Stacy\rquote s lifted the bra from your breasts now, freeing them}{\i\f1\insrsid11536608 
 and freeing you. Her hand caresses one and then the other as her tongue toys with yours, teasing it and inviting it to play, her breath filling your lungs, her fingers tight in your hair as her breasts }{\i\f1\insrsid6182014 fill}{\i\f1\insrsid11536608 
 your hands heavy with their softness and promise}{\i\f1\insrsid6182014  like sweet pears on a tree}{\i\f1\insrsid11536608 .  But her hand leaves your breasts now, tracing down across your ribs as }{\i\f1\insrsid15209632 
you feel her tension growing and the sex in her blood b
eginning to burn.  You can feel the invisible path laid across the skin of your stomach and through the tangle of hair beneath it, the path that her hand is on that leads into the valley between your legs, that hidden}{\i\f1\insrsid6182014 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid15209632  secret }{\i\f1\insrsid6182014 cleft}{\i\f1\insrsid15209632  }{\i\f1\insrsid6182014 in your body }{\i\f1\insrsid15209632 which begins in the hair and plunges downwards and deeper into your centre}{\i\f1\insrsid15822480 
, the virgin flesh no-one has touched but you where the little flame lives, sometimes glowing softly and quiet and at others flickering and jumping with a promise of excitement, thre
atening but never quite catching the fuse to the great explosion that lies in wait to detonate and sear your flesh with joy and ecstasy.  Your little sister\rquote s fingers walk that path, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}
, and know how to fan the little flame until it lights the fuse that will set the great explosion}{\i\f1\insrsid4023652  rocking through you.  Will you lie and let them walk it to that little flame?}{\i\f1\insrsid15933994 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4023652 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4023652 No, not Stacy\rquote s fingers.  I love her, but it wouldn\rquote t be right.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4023652 Does it matter whose fingers do it, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}?  Any fingers can light the fuse.  Even your
 fingers can light the fuse.  The explosion is the same, and is yours alone.  And once the fuse is lit and begins burning up, brighter and hotter, starting the tremors in your body that will surge and build, cascading from your toes to your scalp, once al
l that starts and the fuse is lit unstoppably, you will not know whose fingers they are, Dee. You will not care.  So does it matter?}{\i\f1\insrsid6182014   Why not Stacy?}{\i\f1\insrsid4023652 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7489427 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7489427 It isn\rquote t right.  Not Stacy.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15156957 Because she\rquote s a girl?}{\i\f1\insrsid7489427 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15156957 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15156957 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15156957 What, then?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15156957 It should be her on the bed, the gown
 fallen from her body, her breasts standing up, her stomach rising and falling.  My shadow on her, my lips not pressing but gentle, my hand stroking her hair as my hand follows that secret path on her skin across her stomach, pushing through the short tig
ht curls}{\f1\insrsid9257355  between her legs and delving into that cleft, opening it for my fingers to unpack the lips and rolls within and toy with them.  It should be me.}{\f1\insrsid15156957 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9257355 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9257355 Why should it be you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9257355 She\rquote s my little sister and I love her, but can never show it so she understands.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9257355 Yours aren\rquote t the first fingers to explore that cleft, her secret place.  Jeff\rquote s fingers have, too.  Your brother\rquote 
s fingers have woken your little sister already and his penis, thick and red-headed, has plunged into that secret place to fire her as your fingers cannot, and no part of you can.  Might not Stacy prefer Jeff\rquote 
s fingers to yours, and his penis as you have none.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9257355 Yes.  Yes, he can do to her what I cannot.  Yet what I can do I should.  Because I feel, because I know, }{\f1\insrsid12153424 
what burns in her, what my touch on that little knot in her secret place can do,  I can take her where Jeff can\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12153424 And where she can take you.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12153424 Yes, yes, one day.  But I must take her first. Oh my God, oh shit, Oh, oh, oh.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12153424 Stacy?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12153424 Sweet Jesus. Oh shit.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12153424 When you\rquote re ready, Stacy.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12153424 Shit, you weren\rquote t joking when you talked about fucking my mind.  Boy, that one nearly blew the top off my head and you weren\rquote t touching me.  Even I wasn\rquote 
t touching me.  Shit, if I could do *that* for real for the camera\rquote s\'85  I\rquote m fucking soaked.  Just sitting here.  Oh boy, they\rquote re still coming.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4677618 Would you like a break to recover yourself?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4677618 Sounds like a fucking good idea.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4677618 OK.  We\rquote ll take ten.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 {\*\bkmkstart break}{\*\bkmkend break}[ }{\i\f1\insrsid11748990 A}{\i\f1\insrsid12344135  fifteen minute break for Miss Bartlett to recover her composure.]}{\i\f1\insrsid4677618 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4998794 How do you feel?}{\i\f1\insrsid12344135 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4998794 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4998794 Shattered.  What was that all about?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4998794 Did you ever had sex with Deirdre?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4998794 No.  It never occurred to me.  }{\f1\insrsid14558276 I }{\f1\insrsid9439981 n}{\f1\insrsid14558276 ever would have thought she}{\f1\insrsid16401997 \rquote }{\f1\insrsid14558276 d permit it, anyway.}{\f1\insrsid4998794 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14558276 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14558276 I don\rquote t think she would have.  Permitted it, that is.  What just happened in your fantasy is what I think would have happened that night had you taken the initiative }{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 and }{\i\f1\insrsid10961483 
given her no}{\i\f1\insrsid14558276  choice.  
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10961483 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14558276 Yes, but she responded.  And how!
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14558276 No, that was you.  Your orgasm.  It was your orgasm as Stacy being }{\i\f1\insrsid10961483 administered}{\i\f1\insrsid14558276  to you }{\i\f1\insrsid1589358 and }{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 by you }{\i\f1\insrsid14558276 
as Deirdre so you knew exactly what buttons to press on yourself.  But in your mind it was someone else doing the pressing.  It was probably the perfect clitoral orgasm.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14558276 Was it ever!  If I could bottle that\'85   But if she wouldn\rquote t have permitted it, why didn\rquote t she push me away?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14558276 She wanted to do it.  She loved you and wanted to hold you as a sister and a lover.  She wanted to give you the perfect orgasm as the perfect gift but in her role as big sister she didn\rquote t think she }{\i\f1\insrsid9439981 
should touch you sexually.  When you took the choice away from her, though - when you took the initiative \endash  she didn\rquote t have to worry that she was abusing her role as big sister and could jump on the train.}{\i\f1\insrsid14558276 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9439981 
\par It\rquote s interesting, though.  Given the choice of lying there and letting your \endash  Stacy\rquote s \endash  fingers bring her to orgasm }{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 you thought Deirdre would}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981  refuse and}{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 
 instead}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981  t}{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 ake}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981  over}{\i\f1\insrsid16401997  the sex session}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981 .  In fact you took over and I actually lost control of the fantasy.  You as Stacy }{
\i\f1\insrsid4400360 decided}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981  that}{\i\f1\insrsid1589358  had something like that actually occurred}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981  Deirdre would }{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 tried}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981 
 to retake her big sister role, and as Stacy and despite your overwhelming victory over her only moments before, you surrendered it to her and went back to being little sister again.  You}{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 r empathy told you}{\i\f1\insrsid9439981 
 that Deirdre would have felt it wrong that her little sister should be the one to take her to orgasm first.  It is the big sister\rquote s role to first introduce the little sister to orgasm and only then can little sister return the favour.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4065285 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4065285 I get it.  So what did we learn from all that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5528706 That you were right.  Your sister had no homosexual leanings.}{\i\f1\insrsid4065285 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5528706 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1589358 It}{\f1\insrsid5528706  }{\f1\insrsid1589358 was }{\f1\insrsid5528706 all about}{\f1\insrsid1589358\charrsid1589358  }{\f1\insrsid1589358 that}{\f1\insrsid5528706 ?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5528706 Our purpose, if you recall, is to try to discover what Deirdre was so afraid you would do in those moments following her abject surrender over your incest with Jeff.}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706\charrsid4400360  }{
\i\f1\insrsid4400360\charrsid4400360 \'93I was so afraid of what she'd do next,\'93}{\i\f1\insrsid4400360  she wrote.}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706  One possibility }{\i\f1\insrsid1589358 I considered }{\i\f1\insrsid5528706 was that she fe}{\i\f1\insrsid8740274 
ared}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706  you }{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 might}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706  completely rob her of her \lquote big sister\rquote  role.  I think that}{\i\f1\insrsid16401997  role}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706  was important to her and if she }{
\i\f1\insrsid8740274 thought}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706  you would no longer \lquote look up\rquote  to her she would have been deeply hurt and more than a little lost.}{\i\f1\insrsid16401997   In fact she would have lost her \lquote place\rquote 
 in the family.  In the fantasy we just played out she made an attempt to regain the big sister position you had just \lquote dethroned\rquote  her from}{\i\f1\insrsid4983861  }{\i\f1\insrsid16401997 and was successful }{\i\f1\insrsid13568443 be
cause you allowed her to resume it by letting her take control of your \lquote first\rquote 
 sex session.  That it never actually occurred does not, I think, detract from the underlying message.  By actually turning and leaving the room at this point rather than rubbing
 in your victory, perhaps by sexually seducing her, you allowed her to resume that role except in so far as your now-established right to screw with your brother.}{\i\f1\insrsid5528706 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1727459 
\par Another possibility I needed to }{\i\f1\insrsid1589358 exclude was}{\i\f1\insrsid1727459  that she was indeed a lesbian who had refused to acknowledge it to herself until, perhaps, she could neither deny it nor live with it any longer}{
\insrsid1727459\charrsid4400360 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13568443 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13568443 Yes.  OK.  But }{\f1\insrsid1727459 s}{\f1\insrsid13568443 he seemed pretty keen on the girl / girl stuff to me.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13568443 Are you a lesbian?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13568443 No way.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13568443 Empathy again.  }{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 Good actress as you are I suggest y}{\i\f1\insrsid13568443 ou could no more imagine what sex is *like* for a lesbian than you could i}{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 magine what it is like for a man}{
\i\f1\insrsid13568443 .  Your empathy told you that your sister\rquote s response to girl / girl sex would be what you were familiar with.  Had it been a lesbian response you would have been baffled as it would not have made sense to you.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13568443 OK.  I\rquote ll believe you. I agree that I can\rquote t imagine what it feels like to have a prick.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13568443 Nor me a vaginal orgasm.  }{\i\f1\insrsid4983861 I\rquote d like to explore how you feel Deirdre would have reacted to another scenario, to something else you\rquote d gained the power to impose on her.  You OK with that?}{
\i\f1\insrsid13568443 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4983861 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4983861 Yeah.  It wasn\rquote t so bad last time, when I understood.  I mean I could still kind\rquote a feel her inside me,  pulling the strings, but I knew it wasn\rquote t her.  Just a script she\rquote d written, really.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4983861 Well, hang on to that because here we go.  You\rquote re sitting on the bed and Stacy\rquote s just demanded, \'93Well?\'94.  You don\rquote t know what to say.  Let Jeff have sex with you?  Sure he\rquote 
s growing into a good-looking boy.  He\rquote s strong, laughs a lot}{\i\f1\insrsid15624008 , can fix your car. Y}{\i\f1\insrsid4983861 ou know he\rquote d do anything for you, fight to defend you if you needed it}{\i\f1\insrsid15624008 
.  You know, too, that he\rquote s fascinated by your breasts and would love to see them, to touch them with reverence, even worship.  You know he admires your legs because you\rquote 
ve seen him looking at them, and known he was wondering about what lay between them, tried to imagine the triangle of hair of your pussy, tried to visualise that you his sister has the same groove in her flesh between her legs that }{
\i\f1\insrsid11826261 all }{\i\f1\insrsid15624008 other girls have and which he\rquote s seen and touched}{\i\f1\insrsid8740274  on them}{\i\f1\insrsid15624008 .  He knows you have a vagina because you\rquote 
re a girl, and thinking about a vagina in any girl, even his big sister, makes his penis grow hard and stiff, and}{\i\f1\insrsid15624008\charrsid15624008  }{\i\f1\insrsid15624008 tingle with the need to fill it.  Even his  big sister\rquote s.  You
 know this but you know you need not fear this desire for he would never act on it without your consent}{\i\f1\insrsid14418526  and you will never consent because the thought of his penis in your vagina makes you go cold and tight and blocked.}{
\i\f1\insrsid4983861 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14418526 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11826261 Your wondering how to explain this to Stacy so she\rquote d understand that you can\rquote t but she doesn\rquote t wait.  She releases your head and straightens up, so tall, so powerful in her sex.  \'93Jeff\'94
, she calls and he slips into the room around the door and closes it behind him.  He is naked, his prick rearing before him and throbbing with its urgency as he looks at you there in your bra and panties.  }{\i\f1\insrsid14418526 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11826261 
\par \'93Come here, Jeff\'94, Stacy orders }{\i\f1\insrsid15220220 with her gown hanging open and her breasts and sex exposed uncaring to him }{\i\f1\insrsid11826261 and he crosses the room, his stiff prick bounci
ng to each step and the wrinkled bag beneath it hanging}{\i\f1\insrsid15220220  and swaying}{\i\f1\insrsid11826261  in that space where you have nothing.  \'93Look,\'94 says Stacy, stepping back away from you and taking Jeff\rquote s prick in her hand.  
\'93It\rquote s just a prick, the same as any boy\rquote s.  Nothing special \lquote cos it\rquote s your brother\rquote s\'94.  She points it at you, her fingers lightly clasping the shaft}{\i\f1\insrsid12398170 
, the bulging head straining to bursting with the power it contains, its little mouth wanting to suck you in}{\i\f1\insrsid8740274  and spit you out with nerve-searing pleasure}{\i\f1\insrsid12398170 .  Stacy strokes i
t with her fingertips and it jumps at them like a pleased puppy, wanting more.  }{\i\f1\insrsid11826261 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12398170 
\par \'93Go on, touch it,\'94 she says.  \'93Forget that it\rquote s Jeff\rquote s.\'94  }{\i\f1\insrsid5516249 You want to forget, but you can\rquote t.  How could this thing belong to your brother? How could the little boy with his t
rousers wet from sitting in a puddle now possess such throbbing awesome power in his thighs.  \'93Touch it\'94
, Stacy orders, and you cannot deny her for you know she knows you desire to possess this thing. With a lingering touch, a touch of love and farewell, and a promise, she }{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 
releases it to point hungering at you, bobbing to the beat of the boy}{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 \rquote  }{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 s}{\i\f1\insrsid4400360  }{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 heart.}{\i\f1\insrsid12398170 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6834770 Can you}{\i\f1\insrsid6185409  touch it}{\i\f1\insrsid6834770 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid6185409   To harness its power to your command.  It is the horn of the Unicorn, }{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee
{\*\xmlclose}, }{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 bowing to you, but }{\i\f1\insrsid6834770 also }{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 a spike that could pierce you at the toss of its head}{\i\f1\insrsid12015850  if you betray it with desire}{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 
.  Piercing your skin and running through you in pain and blood to have you hanging impaled on it alive and aware of the thing inside you killing the life of the virgin.  Can you touch it, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}
?  Or is this }{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 horn}{\i\f1\insrsid6185409 , the spike of your brother, too frightening?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4400360 No.  I can\rquote t touch it.}{\f1\insrsid4677618 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4400360 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 Stacy takes it in her hand again, holding her big brother by the p}{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 rick}{\i\f1\insrsid12549236 .  All his strength in her hand, her fingers stroking it and it beats with}{\i\f1\insrsid15220220  his}{
\i\f1\insrsid12549236  life in her gentle clasp.  Do you envy Stacy, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, so small at his side?  She has the power to command not the wild thing, the Unicorn, but the tame thing, the stallion }{
\i\f1\insrsid11804984 with the Unicorn\rquote s power }{\i\f1\insrsid12549236 broken to her will.  Do you envy her?}{\i\f1\insrsid4400360 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12549236 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12549236 Yes, yes.  Oh yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12549236 Then reach out and take it from her.  Feel its strength against you}{\i\f1\insrsid11804984 r}{\i\f1\insrsid12549236  palm, its urgency in your fingers.  It is your brother\rquote s, but he is man and it is every man\rquote 
s while it is his skin against yours.  Can you not take your little brother\rquote s penis in your fingers, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, and hold man in your hand?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12549236 No.  }{\f1\insrsid9849547   It will spit the white slime at me, on my face and my hair.  }{\f1\insrsid6182014 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9849547 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 Then point it away.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9849547 No.  Not on the bed, or the walls, or the floor.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 Then into your mouth?  Where it\rquote s hidden and secret?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9849547 NO. NO.  Not Jeff, though I love him.  Not with Jeff.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 Then with who}{\i\f1\insrsid2699268 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid9849547  Dee}{\i\f1\insrsid2699268 ? W}{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 hose white slime can you take in mouth to keep hidden and secret}{\i\f1\insrsid2699268 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9849547 No-one.  There\rquote s no-one.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 OK, Dee, Stacy says you don\rquote t have to.  See, she\rquote s shucked off her gown.  She\rquote s sat on the bed beside you drawing Jeff towards her by his prick.  She\rquote 
s parting her legs and pulls him between them then lies back at your side so near you can touch her, opening herself to her big brother, raising herself to him}{\i\f1\insrsid1914685  so he can kneel between her thighs and point his prick at her body.   He
\rquote s moving forward, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, closing the distance, his }{\i\f1\insrsid15220220 horn}{\i\f1\insrsid1914685 \rquote s going to spear her}{\i\f1\insrsid15220220  and she\rquote s guiding it into place}{
\i\f1\insrsid1914685 , but you know that.  She wants him to spear her, she\rquote s opening more, her legs as wide as she can get them as he shuffles between them, driving the point of his prick towards the gash between her legs.  Can you watch it, 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}, can you watch your little brother\rquote s prick spear your little sister or do you want to look away?}{\i\f1\insrsid9849547 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1914685 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1914685 No, I can watch.  I shouldn\rquote t, but I can watch.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1914685 Have you seen it before, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}
?  Seen the red bulge press into the cleft in the hair and then disappear into it, the thick-veined shaft following, disappearing to into the flesh and body of the girl?  Have you seen how her lips cling to it and suck at 
it greedily, opening up for it and letting it inside her?}{\i\f1\insrsid13465240   Welcoming it}{\i\f1\insrsid1914685 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1914685 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7289031 Can you feel it, Dee, as though it was inside *you*, moving deeper inside *you*?}{\i\f1\insrsid1914685 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7289031 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7289031 No.  I feel something, but it is not that thing inside me.
\par \page }{\i\f1\insrsid7289031 Can you hear it, Dee, as it slides in and out of your sister, your brother\rquote s prick pumping like a heart inside her?  And can you hear her, Dee, gasping and panting as it reams her with ecstasy and your brother\rquote 
s breath grunting as he rams his }{\i\f1\insrsid11804984 flesh}{\i\f1\insrsid7289031  against hers, and the bed creaking at each impact and bumping softly on the wall?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7289031 No.  I don\rquote t want to hear it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7289031 Can you}{\i\f1\insrsid11804984  smell it, Dee, Stacy\rquote s hot sex-}{\i\f1\insrsid7289031 oil coating her brother\rquote s prick as it slides in and out of her, smell Jeff\rquote s sweat }{\i\f1\insrsid11481521 
as his strong muscles }{\i\f1\insrsid11804984 burn with the }{\i\f1\insrsid11481521 work to keep up the rhythm as it slips back and forward to each stoke of his back, can you smell it, Dee?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11481521 No.  It isn\rquote t right.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11481521 Isn\rquote t right?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11481521 It shouldn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid13465240 *}{\f1\insrsid11481521 be}{\f1\insrsid13465240 *}{\f1\insrsid11481521 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11481521 Can you feel the bed bouncing, Dee?  Bouncing as he pounds her, her breasts on her chest bouncing }{\i\f1\insrsid11804984 in time to it }{\i\f1\insrsid11481521 and the shockwaves rippling across her taut stomach as Jeff\rquote 
s hairs punch against the little pad beneath his sister\rquote s hairs, feel his exertion a
s he drives himself as deep as he can inside her, and deeper still, reaching inside her to where her fire burns and she opens herself wider as wide as she can, and clings to him pulling, }{\i\f1\insrsid14698239 her fingernails digging, }{
\i\f1\insrsid11481521 pulling him closer and wanting him deeper. Can you feel all that, Dee?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11481521 Yes.  Yes, I can feel it, and it hurts.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14698239 Now it all comes together as they come together, her womb sucking and squeezing as he pulses and spasms inside her, shooting the hot white slime even deeper into the secret darkness of he
r womb, her body writhing and squirming around the spear deep inside her, the hot sex smell sweet and thick with the smell of the sweat dripping from Jeff\rquote 
s brow and rolling down his back, his groaning and panting, her squealing as the eruptions of orgasm rock her and the bed quivers as she shudders and quakes in response.}{\i\f1\insrsid8745569 
  Brother and sister, scaling the heights.  Well, Dee?  You went with them as far as they could take you.  Could you take Stacy\rquote s place and go th}{\i\f1\insrsid11804984 e rest of the}{\i\f1\insrsid8745569  way yourself?}{\i\f1\insrsid7289031 

\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8745569 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8745569 No, she couldn\rquote t.  }{\f1\insrsid11804984 Dee couldn\rquote t.  }{\f1\insrsid8745569 
But I can, you bastard.  Oh, SHIT, I can feel it.  Oh, GOD, and another.  Shit, I feel like jelly.  Ooohhh, CHRIST, how did you do that?  You bastard, I\rquote ve wet my pants again.}{\f1\insrsid13465240   That\rquote s TWICE you\rquote ve made me come}{
\f1\insrsid11804984  in half-an-hour}{\f1\insrsid13465240 .}{\f1\insrsid8745569 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13465240 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13465240 You are a most remarkable }{\i\f1\insrsid4659490 subject, Stacy.  Have you studied method acting?}{\i\f1\insrsid13465240 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4659490 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4659490 Some.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4659490 Your embodiment of your sister was quite amazing.  The empathy will have helped, of course, but I\rquote ve never met anyone able to adopt an intellectual and emotional identification with their subject so easily and deftly.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4659490 Poor Dee.  I kind\rquote a forget what this is all about.  I mean, we didn\rquote t have much to do with each other, and it\rquote s hard to accept she\rquote s dead.  I\rquote ll never see her again.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4659490 We\rquote ll take five.  I\rquote ll get you a glass of water.
\par 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid4659490 {\i\f1\insrsid4659490 [ A five minute break for Miss Bartlett to recover her composure.]
\par 
\par Ready?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4659490 OK.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4659490 That last session threw up some interesting questions.  }{\i\f1\insrsid11085515 Deirdre refused to touch Jeff\rquote s penis out of fear it was going to ejaculate over her.  Any idea what that was about?}{\i\f1\insrsid4659490 

\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11085515 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11085515 No.  I }{\f1\insrsid742954 don\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid11085515 think she }{\f1\insrsid742954 was scared of his prick, like it was a weapon or something}{\f1\insrsid11085515 .  I }{\f1\insrsid742954 felt that she wanted to hold it}{
\f1\insrsid12613101 ; holding it would have made her feel good,}{\f1\insrsid11085515  but the idea of it cumming over her, she didn\rquote 
t like that at all.  It even made her feel a little sick.  When you suggested taking it into her mouth I felt like gagging.  OK, I}{\f1\insrsid12613101  can think of}{\f1\insrsid11085515  a lot of }{\f1\insrsid9849361 nicer }{\f1\insrsid11085515 things }{
\f1\insrsid12613101 to have }{\f1\insrsid11085515 in my mouth than a guy\rquote s cum, but I don\rquote t react to it like that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11085515 I\rquote d guess she must have been on the receiving end of some at some time or other.  And found it a very unpleasant experience.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11085515 Yeah.  }{\f1\insrsid11804984 Actually t}{\f1\insrsid11085515 here was something.  Mom mentioned it, not very long ago when we were talking about Deirdre.  When she was nine or ten some perve
rt cornered her and a few other kids in the schoolyard.  Afterwards they found semen on her clothes, so he must have jerked off over her.  I guess that could be pretty traumatic.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4269237 Yes, it can.  And the aftermath, being questioned by strangers, medical examination, parents worrying themselves sick.  While I wouldn\rquote 
t say the original event was trivial, the aftermath can blow it up into something even more appalling in a child\rquote s mind.  If she was shocked, and disgusted by the pervert\rquote s semen in the first place, the reaction of her }{
\i\f1\insrsid11804984 guardian}{\i\f1\insrsid4269237 s can make it seem like a foul disease he was trying to give her.  Perhaps your Mom might be able to tell me more.}{\f1\insrsid11085515  }{\f1\insrsid4269237  }{\i\f1\insrsid4269237\charrsid4269237 
 It might expl}{\i\f1\insrsid4269237 ain her reaction.}{\i\f1\insrsid11085515 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4269237 
\par She didn\rquote t seem to like the physical side of sex, either.  The slime and the sweat and grunting and banging.  If you\rquote 
ve never experienced it, it can take the shine off the experience at first.  I would have expected it, given her aversion to intercourse, yet she was oddly unaffected by the mere sight of penetration as though that w
as OK.  I would imagine she had visualised intercourse, but never \lquote smelt\rquote  it, or realised the exertion involved.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10451866 Yeah.  I don\rquote t suppose she ever saw one of my films.  She certainly never talked about my career.}{\f1\insrsid4269237 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10451866 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10451866 Probably not.  I suspect she would have deliberately have avoided anything }{\i\f1\insrsid12613101 sexual}{\i\f1\insrsid10451866 ly arousing.  Neverth}{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 eless}{\i\f1\insrsid10451866  although she didn\rquote 
t like it, she didn\rquote t respond to the sight of you having sex with }{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 your brother}{\i\f1\insrsid10451866  very strongly, it seemed}{\i\f1\insrsid3743568  to me}{\i\f1\insrsid10451866 .  She didn\rquote t have a \'93}{
\i\f1\insrsid10451866\charrsid10451866 Stacy! How could you *do* that?}{\i\f1\insrsid10451866 \'94 moment.  }{\i\f1\insrsid746182  Of course this is *after* your victory, so you\rquote ve had to build into your model how she would have reacted to that, }{
\i\f1\insrsid3743568 which is to accept that you not only *could* do it, }{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 you wanted to and }{\i\f1\insrsid3743568 it blew your mind}{\i\f1\insrsid12613101  when you did.}{\i\f1\insrsid3743568 .}{\i\f1\insrsid10451866 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3743568 
\par As it was \lquote Stacy\rquote s\rquote  orgasm you experienced at the end you obviously weren\rquote 
t able to dissociate yourself entirely from what you yourself would have been feeling in that situation, but are you able to describe what would have been going in inside Deirdre as she watched you and Jeff have sex?  
You said that she felt something, but not Jeff\rquote s penis, inside her.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12613101 Yeah, that was odd.  It felt nice, down under my stomach where my orgasms live, but it wasn\rquote t one.  It was\'85   Oh, I don\rquote t know.  Like what you feel when you settle down to watch film you\rquote 
ve been looking forward to, or watch a match when you want your team to win but kind\rquote a know they might lose, which would be awful so maybe you don\rquote t want to watch it after all in case they do?  Know what I mean?}{\f1\insrsid3743568 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12613101 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12613101 Anticipation?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12613101 Yeah, I guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12613101 Anything else?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12613101 Yes.  I kept seeing}{\f1\insrsid10236393 \'85  kept thinking of that poster.  The one with the girl in the waves?}{\f1\insrsid12613101 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10236393 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10236393 \lquote Undine in the Danube\rquote ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10236393 Yeah.  Now that I understand what it\rquote s about - its story - I can kind\rquote a understand why Dee had it.  It made her feel sad, and she felt sad when she watched Jeff and me.  }{\f1\insrsid9900065  Even when she t}{
\f1\insrsid10236393 hought about Jeff and me.}{\f1\insrsid9900065    Why should it \endash  us screwing - make her feel sad?}{\f1\insrsid10236393 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9900065 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9900065 I don\rquote t know, but it\rquote s a very interesting observation.  }{\i\f1\insrsid7935355 Although you\rquote d have meant well and only intended to show her how }{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 fantastic}{\i\f1\insrsid7935355  it was,}{
\i\f1\insrsid5572644  and how silly it was to have hang-ups about it, I would}{\i\f1\insrsid7935355  }{\i\f1\insrsid5572644 have }{\i\f1\insrsid7935355 expect}{\i\f1\insrsid5572644 ed}{\i\f1\insrsid7935355 
 using your power to force Dee to actually watch you and }{\i\f1\insrsid15616725 you brother}{\i\f1\insrsid7935355  hav}{\i\f1\insrsid15616725 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid7935355  sex would have been almost as devastating for he}{\i\f1\insrsid5572644 r}{
\i\f1\insrsid7935355  as was forcing her to imagine Jeff }{\i\f1\insrsid15616725 actually }{\i\f1\insrsid7935355 having sex with her.  But it wasn\rquote t.  I\rquote 
m puzzled and will need to think about this.  Can you think of anything else I need to think about, or take into account?}{\i\f1\insrsid5535180    Do you know of any reason she might have chosen to jump that night?}{\i\f1\insrsid9900065 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7935355 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7935355 No.}{\f1\insrsid5535180   I can\rquote t.  I know she wasn\rquote t happy.  She buried herself too much in that business}{\f1\insrsid5572644  of hers}{\f1\insrsid5535180 .  It wasn\rquote 
t healthy.  But I never thought it was so bad.  Do you think\'85 she did jump?}{\f1\insrsid7935355 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5535180 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8877502 {\i\f1\insrsid5535180 I really can\rquote t say, yet.  I need to speak to the others, follow up some lines of thought, complete my picture of her.   But we\rquote 
ve gone way over time because working with you has been a quite remarkable experience.  Quite remarkable.  Can we push on?  When did you next see Deirdre after you left her room?}{\i\f1\insrsid10566421 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5535180 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5535180 The next morning.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5535180 How was she towards you?}{\i\f1\insrsid5535180\charrsid5535180 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10566421\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7545016 Still a bit big-sisterish, but not so pushy about it.    But it was like she\rquote d forgotten about Jeff and me.   She was different with him, too.   I mean, it wasn\rquote 
t like she had the hots for him any more.  In fact, if I hadn\rquote t known better I\rquote d a\rquote  said the signs were }{\f1\insrsid5572644 that }{\f1\insrsid7545016 they were screwing.  }{\f1\insrsid10566421 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7545016 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7545016 You did know better?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7545016 Oh, yeah.  Jeff came to me when he left her that night and I knew they hadn\rquote t before he said they hadn\rquote t.  His prick told me.  And he gave me a real seeing-to with no messing around, like he\rquote 
d been really worked up.  Boy, that was something.  But it was odd, him and {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} after that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7545016 Odd?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7545016 Yeah.  Now you\rquote ve made me think of it I guess they were a bit like that picture of the girl and the Unicorn.  I mean, it kind\rquote a reeks of sex \endash  the beautiful girl looking coy but you know she\rquote 
s really hot and wet between the legs and }{\f1\insrsid5572644 lon}{\f1\insrsid7545016 ging for it like Deirdre seemed to be, and the }{\f1\insrsid16646477 wonderful horse you know is male with the great horn you know he wants to ram up her but can
\rquote t because she hasn\rquote t said yes, which I guess was Jeff.}{\f1\insrsid7545016 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16646477 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16646477 An interesting observation.  What about this business about Jeff being \lquote faithful\rquote  to his girlfriend?  That his idea or yours?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5572644 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5572644 His.  He told me he thought she had a \lquote thing\rquote  about incest, that she thought it was wrong for brothers and si
sters to risk having a baby because of all the problems that would cause.  You know, should they have an abortion, what should they tell the child if they kept it, that kind of thing.  And that she didn\rquote 
t want to risk it for herself and was worried about me having to face up to it, if he got me pregnant.  So we should pretend to have stopped because he had a girl-friend he wanted to be faithful to.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5572644 Do you think that\rquote s what it was?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5572644 No.  Oh, it was a part of it and she was right of course.  }{\f1\insrsid11218413 How would you feel finding out that your father was your uncle?  But these days that needn\rquote t be a problem if you\rquote 
re careful and she knew that.  But that wasn\rquote t at the root of it with {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}?}{\f1\insrsid5572644 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11218413 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 And you }{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 still have no idea}{\i\f1\insrsid11218413  what was?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11218413 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 Do you think she bought into}{\i\f1\insrsid9051202  the girlfriend thing}{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11218413 No.  I wouldn\rquote t have done.  
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 Her story reads as though she did.  \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid11218413\charrsid11218413 I was glad about him and Stacy}{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 \'94, she says.  }{\i\f1\insrsid15616725 \'93B}{\i\f1\insrsid15616725\charrsid15616725 
ut I couldn't help thinking about the night when he came to me}{\i\f1\insrsid15616725 .\'94  }{\insrsid15616725  }{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 We have that same dichotomy again.  She says she\rquote s glad you\rquote ve stopped having incest }{
\i\f1\insrsid8342559 \endash  presumably because she still thinks incest is a bad thing - }{\i\f1\insrsid11218413 but seems to wish she had incest with Jeff when she had the chance.  It\rquote s hard to reconcile.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8342559 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8342559 Yeah, it\rquote s like she\rquote s trying to }{\f1\insrsid9051202 have it both ways}{\f1\insrsid8342559 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8342559 And as any psychologist will tell you, people with irreconcilable desires are in deep trouble.  It\rquote s pure Freud.  What about Jeff being completely faithful to his wife?  You\rquote ve }{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 kind\rquote a }{
\i\f1\insrsid8342559 told me that Jeff }{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 was}{\i\f1\insrsid8342559  be}{\i\f1\insrsid9051202 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid8342559  unfaithful to his wife, with you.}{\i\f1\insrsid7545016\charrsid7545016 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6894705\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8342559 H}{\f1\insrsid6894705\charrsid7239019 e might have told Deirdre }{\f1\insrsid8342559 he was completely faithful to Penny }{\f1\insrsid6894705\charrsid7239019 but he made no bones about screwing me.  }{
\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019   Even on his wedding day.  I was one of the brides-maids and he said seeing me in white lace and satin turned him on!    I think it\rquote s true, tho\rquote , that h}{\f1\insrsid6894705\charrsid7239019 e didn\rquote 
t screw }{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 around }{\f1\insrsid6894705\charrsid7239019 after he married.  He was faithful to Pen}{\f1\insrsid9850524\charrsid7239019 ny}{\f1\insrsid6894705\charrsid7239019  that much.  Maybe he didn\rquote 
t regard screwing his little sister as being unfaithful to }{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 his wife.  And because he wasn\rquote t getting as much from Pen}{\f1\insrsid8342559 ny}{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 
 as he was before, especially when she was pregnant, he did arrange to screw me rather a lot.  }{\f1\insrsid6894705 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8342559 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8342559 Are you saying his wife wasn\rquote t much good in bed?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8342559 I think she was a bit of a disappointment to him, especially after the kids came along.  She was always a bit \lquote proper\rquote , if you know what I mean.  }{\f1\insrsid9051202 A lot}{\f1\insrsid8342559  like Deirdre, really}{
\f1\insrsid9051202 , though she *looked* more like me.  Sometimes people thought *we* were the sisters, not me and Dee.}{\f1\insrsid8342559   She certainly didn\rquote t approve of me}{\f1\insrsid5846522 , }{\f1\insrsid9051202 though}{\f1\insrsid8342559 .
}{\f1\insrsid8342559\charrsid8342559 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 
\par I think, tho\rquote , that he probably told Deirdre}{\f1\insrsid5846522  about the faithfulness thing}{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  to try to get her to back off.   I don\rquote t know }{\f1\insrsid5846522 if it is}{
\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  the *little things* she mentions but }{\f1\insrsid5846522 I know }{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 she}{\f1\insrsid5846522  enjoyed}{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  him bring}{\f1\insrsid5846522 ing}{
\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  her off with his fingers }{\f1\insrsid5846522 and }{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 he}{\f1\insrsid5846522  was}{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  happy to oblige.  He\rquote 
d probably have been happy to have screwed her senseless if she wanted \endash  he said several times he thought that was what she needed}{\f1\insrsid7175447\charrsid7239019 , tho\rquote  not necessarily from him}{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  
\endash  and maybe if they had it would have got it out of her system.  I remember him saying once that screwing Deirdre would be like screwing some prim maiden aunt rather than }{\f1\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019 girl}{
\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  - like doing some old spinster a favour - and I think the idea turned him on, but }{\f1\insrsid16546720\charrsid7239019 it seems }{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019 i}{\f1\insrsid5846522 t\rquote 
s right and they never did it}{\f1\insrsid13717387\charrsid7239019  after all.
\par }{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12283218\charrsid7239019 But Deirdre couldn\rquote t let it go}{\f1\insrsid9850524\charrsid7239019 .  Jeff and I were very discrete \endash  I\rquote d learned a lot by then and I tried hard no
t to let the signs show, so I always took boyfriends \lquote round when Jeff and Penny had a party, and Jeff used to tussle my hair and pat me on the bu}{\f1\insrsid8211774 t}{\f1\insrsid9850524\charrsid7239019 t and call me \lquote kid\rquote 
 like I was still twelve or something.  But {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose} }{\f1\insrsid8020408\charrsid7239019 was always on her own.  If she ever had a guy I never knew about it, and tho\rquote 
 our paths rarely crossed I got news of her from Mom and Jeff, and I think they were a bit worried about her.}{\f1\insrsid11210372\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8020408\charrsid7239019 
\par On the odd occasion I did see Jeff and Dee together, tho\rquote , }{\f1\insrsid8211774 she was still putting out those signs like she owned
 him.  She look at him fondly, as they say, which means looking forward to their next screw.  I knew Penny had seen it too and wasn\rquote t happy about it, and Jeff knew it too \lquote cos I\rquote 
d told him, but he said Dee was his sister and Penny would have to take his word that he wasn\rquote t screwing her, and put up with her being a bit odd.}{\f1\insrsid8020408 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8211774 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8211774 You\rquote re confident Penny never suspected you and Jeff?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8211774 Pretty much.  I mean, she always looked at me as though I was something the cat had dragged in, but she never looked at me the way she looked at {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dee{\*\xmlclose}.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8211774 OK.  We\rquote ll leave it there.}{\i\f1\insrsid12719238    You really have been most helpful, Miss Bartlett.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8211774\charrsid8211774 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9524222 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8211774 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8211774\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019 Jeff}{\f1\ul\insrsid9524222\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 Deirdre}{\i\f1\insrsid8004625  called her story \'93Brother\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid14555507\charrsid7239019  which suggests it is either about you or dedicated to you, }{\i\f1\insrsid8004625 and}{
\i\f1\insrsid14555507\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8004625 writes that}{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019  you s}{\i\f1\insrsid3959448 lept}{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019  with your younger sister but not with her.}{
\f1\insrsid9709958\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 That\rquote s }{\f1\insrsid9836255 right}{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 .  I never }{\f1\insrsid9836255 fucked}{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019  with Deirdre.  It\rquote s also correct that I }{
\f1\insrsid9836255 frequently fucked }{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 with Stacy.
\par }{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 Can you explain why?
\par }{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 
\par \'93Why?  Is that \'93}{\f1\insrsid8220939\charrsid7239019 W}{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 hy did I never }{\f1\insrsid9836255 fuck}{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019  Deirdre?\'94, or \'93Why did I }{\f1\insrsid9836255 fuck }{
\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 with Stacy?\'94?
\par }{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 Both are important questions.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 
\par Both}{\f1\insrsid12523867\charrsid7239019 , eh}{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 ?  OK.  Get a kick out of this, do you?
\par }{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 No.  I\rquote m hoping to uncover}{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019  and help you understand}{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10490967 what might underlie }{
\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 a very sad and tragic event.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 Yeah, right.  }{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 Sorry.  }{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 But this isn\rquote t easy to talk about}{\f1\insrsid8220939\charrsid7239019 , you understand}{
\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid13185334\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 Yes, I understand.  I also do not judge.  
\par }{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 
\par Stacy}{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 , then}{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 .  She was my kid sister}{\f1\insrsid8814216 , two years younger}{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 .  I had power over her and use}{
\f1\insrsid9922682\charrsid7239019 d}{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019  it.  Abused it.  I had my hand in her knickers when she was ten and she was }{\f1\insrsid8220939\charrsid7239019 jer}{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 
king me off at eleven.  I was fucking her when she was twelve.
\par }{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 She told me she was thirteen the first time intercourse }{\i\f1\insrsid8004625\charrsid7239019 occurred}{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 .
\par }{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 
\par No, she }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 could only have been}{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019  twelve}{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019  \lquote cos I}{\f1\insrsid7304955\charrsid7239019  hadn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 
turned fourteen}{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 the first time I }{\f1\insrsid16733727\charrsid7239019 got all the way}{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019  into her}{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019  \endash 
 and that}{\f1\insrsid12523867\charrsid7239019 \rquote s a}{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019  *first time*}{\f1\insrsid12523867\charrsid7239019  everyone remembers}{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019 , the way you\rquote 
re supposed to remember where you were when Kennedy was shot only I hadn\rquote t been born then - }{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 and }{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019 I remember }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 she wasn\rquote t }{
\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 even big enough for a training bra.  I think it hurt her quite a bit, those first few times, so maybe she prefers to forget them.
\par }{\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9661797\charrsid7239019 Are you saying you raped her?
\par }{\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 Depends what you mean by *rape*.  I }{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019 don\rquote t remember that}{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019  she ever }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 tried to }{
\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 f}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 i}{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 ght me }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 off }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 but }{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019 got}{
\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019  screwed anyway, }{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019 or }{\f1\insrsid16733727\charrsid7239019 for that matter }{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019 ever really dug in her heels and said \lquote no\rquote 
, and I hope I wouldn\rquote t have gone so far as to *rape* her if she had, }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 but there were plenty of times \endash  }{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019 \lquote }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 
specially at first \endash  when I don\rquote t think she wanted to be screwed but opened her legs for me because I said I\rquote d only take her to the movies or something if she did.  I guess that\rquote s a kind of rape.}{
\f1\insrsid16139844\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 How often did intercourse occur?
\par }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 
\par I don\rquote t know.  Probably three or four times a week for the first few months.  I\rquote d just discovered sex and was well and truly hooked.  Stacy was all I had}{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019  for sex}{\f1\insrsid8220939\charrsid7239019  then
}{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 , and I was at her like a fucking rabbit.
\par }{\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 There is clearly considerable anger in you.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 
\par Yeah, I\rquote m angry.  }{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019  She was my little kid sister and I t}{\f1\insrsid12523867\charrsid7239019 reated}{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019  her }{\f1\insrsid14555507\charrsid7239019 worse than}{
\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019  a }{\f1\insrsid9116851 whore}{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid13590098\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 I gained the impression she was far from unwilling.  She talked of a school \lquote gang\rquote  devoted to sex in which siblings played a major part and in which}{\i\f1\insrsid14555507\charrsid7239019  I suspect }{
\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 she was a \lquote leading light\rquote , a role I would }{\i\f1\insrsid14555507\charrsid7239019 have said}{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019  she relished.
\par }{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019 The gang?  She mentioned that?  We\rquote d been screwing }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 a few}{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019  months.  }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 No,}{
\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019  a bit more. }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019  Maybe almost year.}{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019  Stace }{\f1\insrsid3959448 was certainly}{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019  thirteen }{\f1\insrsid3959448 
by then }{\f1\insrsid5864368\charrsid7239019 and we had a pretty slick act}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 .   I was coming up on fifteen and like most boys that age was permanently horny.  I guess Stace knew that if we had even half a chance I
\rquote d want to be in her and so didn\rquote t waste time being innocent or coy}{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019  or playing hard-to-get}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 .  She\rquote 
d get her pants down or knickers off, and arrange herself for me as best she could without me saying a word.  And always had plenty of tissues }{\f1\insrsid16733727\charrsid7239019 up her sleeve }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 for cleaning herself }{
\f1\insrsid16733727\charrsid7239019 off}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019  afterwards.}{\f1\insrsid7895970\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 Go on.  The gang?
\par }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019 Older brother of a f}{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 riend}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019  of mine asked if I was screwing }{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 my sister}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 
.  Don\rquote }{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019 t know if he }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 saw the}{\f1\insrsid2376857 se}{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019  *signs*}{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid2376857 
everyone else but me seems to see }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 or if it was just a lucky shot.  But he was screwing }{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019 their}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 sister }{
\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 and suggested we screwed each other\rquote s.  I fancied his \endash  she was a bit older than Stace }{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019 and had}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019  real tits }{
\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 \endash }{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 and Stace said }{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019 \lquote }{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 why not}{
\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019 \rquote }{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019  when I put it to her, so we shacked up, and drew a few more in over the next year or so.  Hell, that was something else!}{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019   }{
\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019 Six or ei}{\f1\insrsid11275131\charrsid7239019 ght of us up in some kid\rquote s bedroom pret}{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 ending to be watching TV or something }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 innocent }{
\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 and the kid\rquote s mom getting dinner downstairs in the kitchen while we humped our own or each other\rquote s sisters}{\f1\insrsid14764888\charrsid7239019  right over her head}{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 .  
}{\f1\insrsid5640633\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid76811 The kid\rquote s m}{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 om being}{\i\f1\insrsid6371609  sometimes}{\i\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019  your own mother?
\par }{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 I don\rquote t know if Mom knew for sure }{\f1\insrsid6294477\charrsid7239019 about us }{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 or }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 only}{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 
 suspected.  We sure as hell tried not to get caught out.  Maybe she}{\f1\insrsid8004625  found stains on Stacy\rquote s sheets}{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019  or her knickers, and suspected.  }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 
Maybe she was suspicious and just didn\rquote t want to know for sure, like some guys who think their wife is cheating on them.  It\rquote s easier that way.  }{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 We were nearly caught }{
\f1\insrsid3959448\charrsid3959448 in}{\i\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid3959448\charrsid3959448 the act}{\i\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 
by her a couple of times.  Maybe she did catch us at it but didn\rquote t let us see her so we never knew she knew.  }{\f1\insrsid6371609 Dunno.  }{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 Not long after we started, tho\rquote 
, she sat me down and gave me a spiel about *responsible sex*.  }{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019 Said she w}{\f1\insrsid16001659\charrsid7239019 ouldn\rquote t ask me to make promises I wouldn\rquote t be able to keep}{
\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019  but did make me promise to always wear a condom if there was any risk of getting \lquote the girl\rquote  pregnant.  Even gave me a couple of }{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 packets}{
\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019  there and then and told me there\rquote d always be a few in a }{\f1\insrsid14764888\charrsid7239019 drawer}{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019  she\rquote 
d keep topped up, no questions asked.  It was still a while before Stace had her first period, but once she }{\f1\insrsid76811 did}{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019  Mom had her on the pill.   Dunno\rquote  what she said to Stace about s
ex.  Stace never mentioned it.}{\f1\insrsid11550943\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 Would you say Stacy }{\i\f1\insrsid1779758 ever }{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 felt any internal conflict regarding your sexual activity?
\par }{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019 
\par No.  I don\rquote t think she ever had any \lquote trouble\rquote  with }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 our }{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019 sex \endash }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019 with me}{
\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019  being her brother}{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019  an\rquote  that}{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019 .  Hell, look at her now!  Porn star to the stars.  Poor kid never had a chance.}{
\f1\insrsid14764888\charrsid7239019   She was screwing for an audience when she was thirteen.  I\rquote d been nailing her t
o the mattress for a year before she was old enough for it to even occur to her that a girl ought to have the right to say no, especially to her own brother. }{\f1\insrsid15288511\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 But you clearly feel guilty about the fact you }{\i\f1\insrsid3959448 slept}{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019  with your sister.  When did you first become aware of this guilt?
\par }{\f1\insrsid14764888\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid14764888\charrsid7239019 First}{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid14764888\charrsid7239019  feel guilty?  Hell, I felt guilty the first time.  Poor kid.  She was always tall.  }{
\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 That\rquote s one of the reasons the directors love her.  She\rquote s taller than most of the guys they get to screw her.  }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 Now she\rquote s tall and slim like a dream}{
\f1\insrsid9116851 ,}{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019  with breasts than turn every man into a baby wanting to }{\f1\insrsid8004625 go to sleep on}{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019  them, b}{\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 
ut she looked like one of those damn Cabbage-patch dolls at twelve \endash  }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 great round }{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 innocent }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 eyes and }{
\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 arms and legs like sticks}{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019  you could break with a tennis-ball}{\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 .  Damn near vanished if she turned sideways}{\f1\insrsid16516245\charrsid7239019  on
}{\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 .  Lying on my bed }{\f1\insrsid533681\charrsid7239019 without a hair on her body below her neck, }{\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 all }{\f1\insrsid533681\charrsid7239019 teeth, }{
\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 ribs and angles with her legs}{\f1\insrsid533681\charrsid7239019  as wide as she could get them and a hole into her I could barely get a finger in, and me }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 her own brother }{
\f1\insrsid533681\charrsid7239019 twice her weight, prick like a carrot and}{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid533681\charrsid7239019 trying to push }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 it}{\f1\insrsid533681\charrsid7239019 
 up her.  Do you think I didn\rquote t think, \'93Hell, I shouldn\rquote t be doing this.\'94?  }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 But my prick didn\rquote 
t care.  It was howling to be satisfied and the only way to satisfy it was to wrap it in that little hole, and it didn\rquote t give a damn }{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 that }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 it was my }{
\f1\insrsid15296350\charrsid7239019 kid }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 sister\rquote s.}{\f1\insrsid4927904\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 
\par So she, my kid sister, }{\f1\insrsid3156863 let herself be}{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019  hurt so that I could feel that fantastic sensation}{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 , and think of other things for a few hours}{
\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 .  Shit, what could I do to }{\f1\insrsid1535968\charrsid7239019 repay her for that?  What wouldn\rquote t I d
o for her?   When it got good for her as well and we could share it, I wanted to do it for her to make her feel as good as she\rquote d made me feel those first times.  Even when I didn\rquote t need her any more, when I could get all th}{
\f1\insrsid15296350\charrsid7239019 e sex I wanted without turning to}{\f1\insrsid1535968\charrsid7239019  my sister for it, I gave her the best sex I could }{\f1\insrsid16348807\charrsid7239019 and adored her }{\f1\insrsid1535968\charrsid7239019 
because I still owed her.  }{\f1\insrsid16015328\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1535968\charrsid7239019 
\par So yeah, I feel guilty that I had sex with my }{\f1\insrsid15296350\charrsid7239019 little }{\f1\insrsid1535968\charrsid7239019 sister - but only because I took advantage of her and didn\rquote t give her the real choice she deserved.  But I\rquote m
 not ashamed I had sex with my sister.}{\f1\insrsid6911394\charrsid7239019   In fact once we started doing it because she chose to be screwed by her brother}{\f1\insrsid15296350\charrsid7239019  rather than buying his attention with it}{
\f1\insrsid6911394\charrsid7239019 , I reckon the best sex I\rquote ve ever had was with her}{\f1\insrsid15340016\charrsid7239019  and I\rquote ll keep screwing her as long as she wants me to}{\f1\insrsid6911394\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid1535968\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 So the guilt relates not to the fact of incest but to your perceived abuse of power, which could have expressed itself in any number of}{\i\f1\insrsid3959448  other}{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 
 ways.  This could be easily dealt with a little therapy, which I would advise, but it strays from the purpose of this investigation.  }{\i\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 However, having talked to Stacy I suspect you would not have \lquote 
abused your power\rquote  over your kid sister, as you perceive it, had she decided not to play along with you.  There was a point of compulsion beyond which you would have chosen not to go and it would have been reached very soon,  That you didn\rquote 
t reach it was, in my view, Stacy\rquote s decision.  Why do you think she chose to play along with you?}{\i\f1\insrsid13774911\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15340016\charrsid7239019 
\par I dunno.  You\rquote ll have to ask her that.  I did try to stop, thinking she might not like it because I was her brother.  That was }{\f1\insrsid8004625 long}{\f1\insrsid15340016\charrsid7239019  before Dee found out.  But she said she didn\rquote 
t want to stop, and that made it even better for me because although I still felt guilty about what we\rquote d done I didn\rquote t have to feel }{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 so }{\f1\insrsid15340016\charrsid7239019 
guilty about what we were doing.  She knew she could stop it any time, if she wanted.   }{\f1\insrsid2687452\charrsid7239019 I mean, she sure as Hell doesn\rquote t *need* me for sex now.  She gets paid more than most people dare dream of}{
\f1\insrsid7822729\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid2687452\charrsid7239019  for having sex whenever she wants}{\f1\insrsid7822729\charrsid7239019 .  So if she rings me up and says \lquote hey, let\rquote s get together for a screw,}{
\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 \'94 I\rquote ll drop whatever I\rquote m doing to be there}{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019  for her}{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid15340016\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 She clearly harbours no resentment against you for what you describe as a brutal introduction to sex.
\par }{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 I suppose.   S}{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 he says she\rquote s no regrets and loves what she\rquote 
s doing, but I know things would have been different for her had I left her alone to make her own choices about sex.  I just don\rquote t know if they would have been }{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 better}{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 .

\par }{\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 And your other sister}{\i\f1\insrsid6371609 , Deirdre}{\i\f1\insrsid2623249\charrsid7239019 ?  Were you sexually attracted to her?
\par }{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 Sure}{\f1\insrsid8258169\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 
 I thought about screwing her when I was a horny fifteen-year-old.  I thought about screwing my big sister the way I thought about screwing Mom.  I mean, yeah.  I knew it was }{\f1\insrsid9116851 theoretically }{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 
possible.  But }{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019 I also knew }{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 the chances of it actually happening were zilch.}{\f1\insrsid3356576\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 So you\rquote d made no attempt on or approach to her before the events described by Deirdre in her }{\i\f1\insrsid8258169\charrsid7239019 story}{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 ?
\par }{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1779758 No.  }{\f1\insrsid4539784\charrsid7239019 Well, you see Dee was kind of \lquote }{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 D}{\f1\insrsid4539784\charrsid7239019 eputy Mom\rquote 
 to us.  The marriage fell apart and Dad walked out when I was s}{\f1\insrsid1779758 even}{\f1\insrsid4539784\charrsid7239019  and I didn\rquote 
t really know what was going on.  But Dee did.  She was ten and understood a whole lot more.  Mom relied a lot on her, too, to look after us when she wasn\rquote t there \endash  she had to pick up the pieces and put her life back together.  }{
\f1\insrsid5701671\charrsid7239019  So Dee was more like Mom than a big sister.  Even when I started fiddling with Stace, and certainly once I\rquote d begun fucking her, we were as careful to stop Dee finding out as we were Mom, \lquote cos }{
\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019 we saw that that }{\f1\insrsid5701671\charrsid7239019 as almost the same thing.}{\f1\insrsid13514829\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5701671\charrsid7239019 
\par But of course whereas Mom was old and wise enough to find or figure out what was going on \endash  I reckon \endash  Dee wasn\rquote t and Mom sure as Hell had no reason to tell her.  So yeah, I\rquote 
ve only just seen it, but I guess when Dee did twig what was going on}{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019  she might have felt kind\rquote a *betrayed* by Mom.  She\rquote d kind\rquote a
 sided with Mom against her brother and sister when she really ought to have been one of us,  but Mom hadn\rquote t let her in on one hell of a family secret and that left her where?  Right outside everything.}{\f1\insrsid5701671\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 I suspect there is a lot of truth in that.
\par }{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019 
\par So until that night Stacy set me up, although I\rquote d peeked at Dee in the shower the way I\rquote d peeked at Mom, I\rquote d no more thought I could p}{\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019 ut}{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019  my hand }{
\f1\insrsid10569582 in}{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019  her }{\f1\insrsid10569582 knickers}{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019  and get away with it than I\rquote d imagined Mom would have let me}{\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019  feel her up}{
\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019 .
\par }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 Stacy described Deirdre as a \lquote prick-teaser\rquote ?
\par }{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019 
\par Yeah, she had a reputation at school.  She\rquote d teamed up with a couple of other girls and they kept themselves to themselves.  She had a couple of boy-friends because, well, I guess because she }{\f1\insrsid13588776\charrsid7239019 
felt that she had to, but none lasted.  One, who I knew quite well, said she\rquote d let him put his hand down her knickers and feel her up, but }{\f1\insrsid3156863 she didn\rquote t respond in any way and }{\f1\insrsid13588776\charrsid7239019 
when he eventually put her hand on his prick because she hadn\rquote t done it herself, she was up and away so fast she tore her knickers on his watch-strap.}{\f1\insrsid2379555\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 Were you not puzzled by this vast difference in the sexual mores of your two sisters?
\par }{\f1\insrsid13588776\charrsid7239019 
\par No, I didn\rquote t think it strange. }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019  Not then.  }{\f1\insrsid13588776\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 Dee}{\f1\insrsid13588776\charrsid7239019  was quiet, clever and always thinking.  I
\rquote d tangled with a couple of girls like that, and lost.  I was even a little proud of her \endash  it was like she thought she was too good for the kind of guys she was having to mix with at our school, and I thought she was too.}{
\f1\insrsid10629704\charrsid7239019   I mean, even had I not been her brother I\rquote d\rquote a stood no chance with her.  And I was only fifteen to her eighteen.  }{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019 
Girls that age only look at 20-year-olds.  I knew that.}{\f1\insrsid13588776\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 Nevertheless you were prepared to act on Stacy\rquote s suggestion that Deirdre w}{\i\f1\insrsid10289758 ante}{\i\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 d have sex with you.  Did that come completely out of the blue?

\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6371609 I}{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 t }{\f1\insrsid10569582 sure }{\f1\insrsid14877160\charrsid7239019 did.  }{\f1\insrsid202970\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8258169\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid202970\charrsid7239019 So how accurate is Deirdre\rquote s record of that night?
\par }{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid202970\charrsid7239019 T}{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019 hat was pretty much as I remember it, tho\rquote  not exactly.  I was just dozing off when Stace slipped into my bed. }{\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019   I didn\rquote t 
know she\rquote d just left Dee\rquote s room after th}{\f1\insrsid6371609 eir \lquote chat\rquote .}{\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019  She }{\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019 popped into my bed}{
\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019  pretty often, but never stayed the whole night.  We were both pretty sure Mom knew and }{\f1\insrsid10889070\charrsid7239019 seemed to have decided not}{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019  to }{\f1\insrsid3156863 
\lquote interfere\rquote }{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019  but we still didn\rquote t want to push the envelope too far.  I hadn\rquote t had her \endash  I hadn\rquote t had anyone \endash 
 for a few days so was pretty horny and she played with me for a bit but norma}{\f1\insrsid6371609 lly we\rquote d screw and then talk if}{\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019  we needed to but that night she stopped it going too far and wanted 
to talk instead.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10889070\charrsid7239019 She bitched a bit about Dee still treating her like a kid \endash  I was sixteen and it was in the Fall, so she\rquote d have been fourteen but she\rquote d developed nicely and tho\rquote 
 she was as tall as me she was}{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 - what}{\f1\insrsid10889070\charrsid7239019  do they call her now}{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019  -}{
\f1\insrsid10889070\charrsid7239019  yeah, \lquote willowy\rquote .  Other guys, older than me and with flash auto\rquote }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 s, were starting to take notice}{\f1\insrsid10889070\charrsid7239019  and she\rquote 
d begun to notice them noticing, }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 and I knew she was wanting to start spreading her wings,  but she was still pretty much looking to me for everything, and I was giving her as much of it as I could and loving it.}{
\f1\insrsid11813843\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 
\par Then she said Dee knew we were screwing }{\f1\insrsid6371609 and}{\f1\insrsid11756939  had}{\f1\insrsid6371609  tried to chew her out }{\f1\insrsid1271922 for }{\f1\insrsid6371609 it, }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 and asked if I\rquote 
d told her.  }{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 She\rquote d seen \lquote signs\rquote , she }{\f1\insrsid6371609 reckoned}{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 .  She claimed it}{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019  was the way }{
\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 Dee\rquote d}{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019  looked at us}{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 , }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 like she wanted to rub herself all over me and put Stace out with the rubbish}
{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 , s}{\f1\insrsid10289758 he}{\f1\insrsid6371609\charrsid7239019  said}{\f1\insrsid10289758 .}{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par I hadn\rquote t noticed and was doubtful, but Stace was sure.  And as she\rquote d picked out a couple }{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 just by the \lquote signs\rquote  }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 who}{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 
\rquote d}{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019  joined the gang and fucked }{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 each other }{\f1\insrsid11094038\charrsid7239019 like }{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 newly-weds, I listened.}{\f1\insrsid11094038 

\par }{\f1\insrsid11756939 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11756939 Were you not alarmed by the news Deirdre was aware what was going on?}{\i\f1\insrsid11756939\charrsid11756939 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 
\par I wasn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid1271922 really }{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 worried.  By that time I was sure Dee wasn\rquote t going to go running to Mom with tales like that.  I was even kind\rquote a excited that De}{
\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 irdr}{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 e would even think about me having sex, though if she laid into me in private for having it }{\f1\insrsid10569582 off }{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 
with my kid sister I knew I\rquote d feel bad because }{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 anything}{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019  she said about it would be true and I wouldn\rquote t have a good answer}{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 
, and I\rquote d feel about nine-years-old again}{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 .
\par }{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 
\par But Stace said she was sure it was because she, Dee, had the hots for me, and that I should go and give it to her \lquote cos then, well, Dee would be one of us  and anyway couldn\rquote t get mad at Stace for screwing me when she\rquote 
d done it with me too.}{\f1\insrsid13437386 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569582 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569582\charrsid10569582 What do you suppose she meant, \'93one of us?\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid10569582 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569582 One of us }{\f1\insrsid9116851 kids}{\f1\insrsid10569582 , I suppose, rather than a live-in aunt.  Only it\rquote s hard to think of us as children}{\f1\insrsid1271922 . }{\f1\insrsid10569582  Dee certainly wasn\rquote t.
\par }{\f1\insrsid5990297 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5990297 You don\rquote t think she }{\i\f1\insrsid1271922 thought Deirdre might join your gang?}{\i\f1\insrsid5990297 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1271922 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1271922 Hell no.  Stacy could never have thought that.  I mean, yeah maybe, just maybe, Dee would let me screw her, but with another boy?  No way, Hose.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1271922 Doesn\rquote t that strike you as odd?  The Deirdre you describe comes across as a very \lquote moral\rquote  girl, reluctant to let boys touch her private parts and powerfully disinclined to touch theirs, still a virgin at }{
\i\f1\insrsid3156863 almost }{\i\f1\insrsid1271922 nineteen.  }{\i\f1\insrsid13773225 A girl like that is the last you would expect to commit incest.}{\i\f1\insrsid1271922 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13773225 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13773225 Yeah, I guess so.  At the time, tho\rquote , it made a kind\rquote a sense.  Or seemed to.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13773225\charrsid13773225 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13773225 Wouldn\rquote t you have though Stacy, being a girl, would be even more aware of this dichotomy?}{\i\f1\insrsid1271922 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5990297 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13773225 Yeah}{\f1\insrsid5990297 . Maybe.  Hell, I didn\rquote t know what was going on inside Stacy\rquote s head most of the time.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5990297 Did she suggest at any point that she felt Deirdre *needed* it?  That you\rquote d be helping her }{\i\f1\insrsid7562375 if you forced her through it }{\i\f1\insrsid5990297 - being cruel to be kind, kind of thing?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7882688 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7882688 Yeah.  Something like that.  Dee wanted to do it with me but had a kind of hang-up about doing it with her brother, but if I pushed and took the responsibility she\rquote d find out it was OK.  That kind of thing.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7882688 And you believed that?}{\i\f1\insrsid7882688\charrsid7882688 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13773225 I knew there}{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019  was a lot that needed thinking about, and with my prick }{\f1\insrsid14025772\charrsid7239019 pumped up and raring to go }{\f1\insrsid13437386\charrsid7239019 next to a warm, soft, }
{\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019 naked, very sexy girl, sister or not, it was damn hard to think at all.  }{\f1\insrsid13437386 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569582 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569582\charrsid10569582 Did }{\i\f1\insrsid10569582 it not occur to you that Stacy might have been using you in some plot to get revenge on Deirdre for the way she\rquote d been treating her?  That this whole business of her having the 
\lquote hots\rquote  for you might just be to wind you up}{\i\f1\insrsid13182433  and get you to, well,  embarrass her by groping her or something}{\i\f1\insrsid10569582 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid10569582\charrsid10569582 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid10569582 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019 No, }{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 I}{\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019  never }{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 thought}{\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019  Stac}{\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019 y}{
\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019  might have been making it up to cause trouble.  She was never malicious, or deceitful \endash  not in a cunning way.  I\rquote d never understood their relationship as sisters,
 her and Dee.  Mainly, I suppose, because they never acted like sisters.  They were like, well, by the time Dee left for college they}{\f1\insrsid10289758  were like enemies with a truce.  W}{\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019 
ary but polite.  Stace had grown up enough \endash  got enough confidence \endash  not to be bossed about by her but Dee still wanted to be in charge of her \endash 
 look after her.  I know that just before she left for college she sat Stace down and gave her a long talk about sex, about not being too quick to get into it.  How Stace kept a straight face I don\rquote t know. }{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 
  She was already into it, and how!}{\f1\insrsid10442022\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid1799071\charrsid7239019  I knew Stace was pretty riled by Dee\rquote s still treating her like a kid}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019  \endash  and hell}{
\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019  in some ways she still was }{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 - but}{\f1\insrsid1799071\charrsid7239019  she\rquote 
d never have responded to it by cooking up some convoluted revenge }{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019 like getting me to try seducing her}{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 when }{
\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 she knew Dee wouldn\rquote t have it}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019 .  That would }{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019 have landed me in even deeper shit.  No}{
\f1\insrsid2894656\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019  Stac}{\f1\insrsid11756939 y}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019  is the sort that will take so much and then snap, and when she does she goes straight for the jugular.}{
\f1\insrsid10442022 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8336330 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8336330 Did Deirdre ever talk to you about sex?}{\i\f1\insrsid13773225   }{\i\f1\insrsid7562375 Ever t}{\i\f1\insrsid13773225 ouch you?}{\i\f1\insrsid8336330\charrsid8336330 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1799071\charrsid7239019 
\par Me?  No.  She\rquote d pretty much given up on me.  She nagged me about my hair, changing my shirts, all the things Mom did, but more than Mom most times.  Touch?  Yeah, but only to straighten me up, adjust my tie, that kind\rquote a thing.  And if she 
was pleased she\rquote d peck me on the cheek.  Like I said.  Deputy Mom.}{\f1\insrsid1799071 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10289758 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10289758 Did you think Deirdre might have been jealous?}{\i\f1\insrsid10289758\charrsid10289758 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019 
\par Jealous?  What}{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 , of Stacy and me?  O}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019 f Stacy\rquote s being screwed by me?  I don\rquote 
t remember Stace suggesting that.   But like I said, it was damn hard to think at all let alone go in for the kind of psycho-}{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 babble}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019  you guy\rquote s love.  }{
\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019  I\rquote ll bet you analyse each wriggle and groan }{\f1\insrsid10289758 of a}{\f1\insrsid13773225 ny}{\f1\insrsid13182433  girl you\rquote re screwing}{\f1\insrsid10289758  }{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 
for some deep meaning.}{\f1\insrsid12611741\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11811097\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11811097\charrsid7239019 I try not to.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 
\par OK, I apologise.  I guess I can see why all this is relevant, but I don\rquote t like it one little bit.
\par }{\f1\insrsid11811097\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11811097\charrsid7239019 You\rquote ve told me nothing yet which has been anything other than the actions of a perfectly normal, basically kind, compassionate, sexual human being. }{\i\f1\insrsid10289758 
 And in that capacity you accepted your little sister\rquote s assurance that you\rquote d being doing your big sister a favour if you went and had sex with her, even if she seemed reluctant?}{\i\f1\insrsid13963694 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10289758 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10289758 Something like that, yeah.
\par }{\f1\insrsid7147807 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7147807 And on that basis you left your bed and Stacy, and made your way to Deirdre\rquote s room?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7147807 Yeah.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7147807\charrsid7147807 What were you thinking?}{\i\f1\insrsid10289758 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10289758\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019 Thinking}{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 ?  Hell, it was ten years ago.  }{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 I can remember what happened, what I saw, even how I felt, very clearly.  Setting out to }{
\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019 discover}{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019  if your }{\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019 stunner of a }{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 big }{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 sister is willing to have sex }{
\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019 with you }{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 is a pretty memorable }{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 adventure}{\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019  for a sixteen-year-old boy}{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 
.  But exactly what I was thinking?  Gimme a break!}{\f1\insrsid13963694 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7147807 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7147807 Let me  put it like this.  How cautious were you?  How confident were you that Stacy was right and that your expedition would have a successful conclusion?}{\i\f1\insrsid7147807\charrsid7147807 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 
\par OK.  Yeah.  I did think Stace might be right.  I hadn\rquote t seen }{\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019 the *signs* Stace talked about }{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 but I didn\rquote 
t find it totally unbelievable that Dee would want to have sex with me}{\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019  and I was keen as Hell to find out if she did}{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid7562375 And yet, that\rquote s not it really}{
\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019   I think }{\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019 even then }{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 I couldn\rquote t really accept what Stacy was saying.  That Dee *wanted* me to have sex with her}{
\f1\insrsid3749913\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid7562375 In fact}{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid13773225 I\rquote m sure }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 t}{\f1\insrsid9860362\charrsid7239019 
hat didn\rquote t make any kind\rquote a sense}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019  even then}{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 .  Like I said she was eighteen}{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019  \endash  }{\f1\insrsid3156863 pretty close to}{
\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019  nineteen by then - }{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 gorgeous and }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 every inch }{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 
a woman, and one that I knew had pretty firm views about sex.  I was }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 only }{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 just sixteen, }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 still half a kid, }{
\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 scruffy and }{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 not very bright}{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019  and her brother.  Why the hell should she *want* to have sex with me}{
\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid7355846 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7147807 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7147807 That sounds very reasonable thinking.  But you still went.}{\i\f1\insrsid7147807\charrsid7147807 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7147807 Yeah.}{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019   Thinking back on it now }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m sure}{\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019  what was in my mind was }{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 the idea t}{
\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 hat Dee would let me have sex with her if *I* wanted it}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 , and}{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019  that}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019  this was what Stace was saying}{
\f1\insrsid7355846\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid8484513 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1320598 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1320598 Having discussed this with Stacy I\rquote m happy in my own mind that not only did she honestly believe she had seen the signs she described, they were}{\i\f1\insrsid13773225  in fact}{\i\f1\insrsid1320598 
 there.  I also suspect you had seen them too, but as your conscious mind could not believe Deirdre would want to have sex with you were only aware of them subconsciously.  However this made Stacy\rquote s suggestion far more acceptable to you than 
\lquote common sense\rquote  would allow.}{\i\f1\insrsid8484513 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1320598 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid1320598 You think}{\f1\insrsid1320598  Deirdre really did want to have sex with me that night?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1320598 No.  Your own conclusion is probably correct.  Deirdre would consent to sex if *you* wanted it, not because she did.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019 So, OK.  }{\f1\insrsid7562375 What are you saying? }{\f1\insrsid1320598 She didn\rquote t *want* to have sex with me,}{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019  but she was }{\f1\insrsid814234 just }{
\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019 willing to let }{\f1\insrsid1320598 me}{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019  have sex with her \endash }{\f1\insrsid4463017  }{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019 maybe even take her cherry}{\f1\insrsid1320598 
.  That doesn\rquote t make any sense.  You didn\rquote t know Deirdre.}{\f1\insrsid4463017    Hell, if girls start letting guys have sex with them just because they know the guy wants to\'85  No, there\rquote s always got to be some reason, even if it
\rquote s just that she wants to as well.  If she doesn\rquote t want to but still lets him\'85  she\rquote s after something else.}{\f1\insrsid1320598 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5600294 
\par Wanna say something?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5600294 No.  I think you\rquote re doing fine without me.}{\i\f1\insrsid1320598 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid814234 You\rquote re saying Dee was willing to let me have sex with her even though she would have hated it, because she wanted something else? }{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid814234 I}{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019 
t must have been pretty important to her}{\f1\insrsid7562375 , then}{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019 .  Shit.  It seems obvious now, but th}{\f1\insrsid1320598 at night}{\f1\insrsid1320598\charrsid7239019 
 I never got past the first part.  That my other sister might be willing to let me have sex with her.  That was as far as my prick needed to think to haul me into her bedroom and I just went with it.}{\f1\insrsid7562375  }{
\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019 So what the h}{\f1\insrsid7562375 ell was worth that much to her that she\rquote d let me?}{\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par Meaningful silence, hey?  I take that to me}{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019 an}{\f1\insrsid12070402\charrsid7239019  you don\rquote t know and want me to work it out for you.  OK.  I guess it might be important.  }{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019 
But as of now I don\rquote t know the answer.  }{\f1\insrsid7562375 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7562375 At the moment neither do I, but you\rquote re more likely to know the answer than I am.  So let\rquote s go on.  You\rquote re creeping into your big sister\rquote 
s bedroom.   I take it there was no risk of meeting your mother in the hallway?  Or had she already gone to bed?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7562375 She\rquote d gone up while Stacy was in my bed.  Obviously she never look}{\f1\insrsid12264964 ed}{\f1\insrsid7562375  in on me.}{\f1\insrsid16324349   On either of us.}{\f1\insrsid12264964   In case of what she might find.}{
\f1\insrsid7562375 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 OK, so you enter Deirdre\rquote s bedroom.  Was her door open or closed?}{\i\f1\insrsid7562375 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16324349 Er, it was open.  Ajar.  I guess that was how Stacy had left it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 Perhaps.  OK, go on.}{\f1\insrsid7562375 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019 Deirdre doesn\rquote t mention that I was naked.  I slept naked \endash  it was a lot easier that way when Stacy dropped by \endash  and, well, I\rquote d bumped into Mom a couple of times in the hall}{
\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 way in the morning and, yeah, it}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019  gave me a kind\rquote a thrill to think of Mom looking at me naked}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019  and seeing that I wasn\rquote t a }{
\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 little }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 boy any more}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019  You\rquote re a shrink so you know all about that, hey?  }{
\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019  If she\rquote d been shocked or something I\rquote d not}{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 \rquote ve}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019  let it happen again but she just said \lquote Morning, Jeff\rquote 
 and got to the }{\f1\insrsid3749913\charrsid7239019 bathroom}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019  first so I didn\rquote t stop doing it.  If she\rquote d started wandering around the house naked as well\'85. But she didn\rquote t, so we }{
\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 don\rquote t need to}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019  go that way, }{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 right}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019 ?}{\f1\insrsid1073039 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16324349 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 Right.}{\i\f1\insrsid16324349\charrsid16324349 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 And of course I had a boner of the first-degree}{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019  plus}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019  on.  Stacy on her own could give me a first-degree one, but now I was in my big sister
\rquote s bedroom }{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 with my big sister in bed in it, }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 and it was kind\rquote a like }{\f1\insrsid3749913\charrsid7239019 my prick }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 thought }{
\f1\insrsid3749913\charrsid7239019 it }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 ought to be }{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 even }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 bigger for her.  And I was a bit nervous too, and that added }{
\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 its}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019  whack.  It was either going to}{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019  be }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 bury}{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 ing}{
\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019  itself in its big sister\rquote s fanny \endash  and boy hadn\rquote t it }{\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019 ever }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 dreamed of doing that \endash  or I was going to be }{
\f1\insrsid3749913\charrsid7239019 trying to }{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 explain what it was doing in her bedroom, to her and very probably to Mom}{\f1\insrsid16672755\charrsid7239019  as well}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 
.  And that with my kid sister in my bed}{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019  next door}{\f1\insrsid14447238\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 So yeah, I was }{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 kind\rquote a }{
\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 excited}{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 , and maybe a bit tense}{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid1073039\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 
\par I did wonder about just sliding into Dee\rquote s bed as Stace did with me, but then decided that if she was a
sleep she might scream the house down before discovering it was me.  Or even after discovering it was me.  So I chickened out and just whispered and turned the light on, like she says.
\par 
\par I don\rquote t know if we said exactly those things or }{\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019 how soon afterwards}{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019  she wrote it all down, but it happened pretty much as she }{\f1\insrsid3749913\charrsid7239019 describes
}{\f1\insrsid15873937\charrsid7239019 .   She didn\rquote t seem upset I was naked and seemed fascinated by my boner}{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 
.  I knew she was trying not to, but her eyes kept flicking to it.  I can credit it was the first one she had actually seen \lquote in the flesh\rquote }{\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019  as it were.  }{\f1\insrsid14683344 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16324349 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 Do you think it frightened her?}{\i\f1\insrsid16324349\charrsid16324349 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019 
\par No, I don\rquote t reme}{\f1\insrsid2231252 mber thinking she was scared of - or by -}{\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019  it.  And I was watching her }{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 reactions }{\f1\insrsid8486012\charrsid7239019 like a hawk }{
\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019 so I\rquote m sure I would have noticed had she shown anything like that.  It was like she wanted to pretend it wasn\rquote t there, like meeting a guy you know\rquote s wife\rquote 
s just left him and not wanting to talk about it even tho\rquote  it\rquote s really all there is to talk about.}{\f1\insrsid15873937 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349\charrsid16324349 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 Did you say the words Deirdre ascribes to you?  That you were there at Stacy\rquote s suggestion rather than because you wanted to be?}{\i\f1\insrsid15873937 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747437 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16324349 Yeah, I think so.
\par }{\f1\insrsid15747437 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747437 Did you not think Deirdre }{\i\f1\insrsid920757 might}{\i\f1\insrsid15747437  find that a little \lquote cowardly\rquote  of you, shifting the blame to your little sister i}{\i\f1\insrsid920757 f}{\i\f1\insrsid15747437  i
t all went wrong.  Would it not have been more manly to have said you were there because *you* fancied her}{\i\f1\insrsid920757  and was wondering if she\rquote 
d have sex with you?  How many girls at a party would fall into bed with you if you only went to them because your little sister had suggested it?}{\i\f1\insrsid15747437 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid920757 OK, that\rquote s true.  }{\f1\insrsid15747437 But hell, I was only sixteen and if Stacy had been wrong}{\f1\insrsid920757 , }{\f1\insrsid15747437 creeping naked into my big sister\rquote s bedroom }{\f1\insrsid920757 like that }{
\f1\insrsid15747437 could have caused big trouble.}{\f1\insrsid920757   I mean, it could have been no different to Mom turning over in bed to find me standing there with my prick twitching at her.  She\rquote d have skinned me.}{\f1\insrsid15747437 

\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747437 I can understand that.  My point is that by suggesting to Deirdre that you were not there because you had the hots for her}{\i\f1\insrsid920757  and}{\i\f1\insrsid15747437  that you wanted to screw her so much you were wil
ling to risk the kind of trouble you were talking about, that in fact you were only there because your little sister had suggested it, }{\i\f1\insrsid920757 
is hardly going to make her think you were so burning with lust that you might rape her if she didn\rquote t surrender.}{\i\f1\insrsid15747437 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid920757 
\par }{\f1\insrsid920757 I guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16324349 And you pulled the covers off her, sat on the bed and took her by the shoulder?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16324349 Yeah.  I remember she was wearing a little cotton nightie that didn\rquote t hide much, }{\f1\insrsid10449547 and hell, she looked sexy.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10449547\charrsid10449547 \'93He paused and looked at me.\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid10449547   Paused from doing what?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10449547 I dunno.  Getting into bed with her?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10449547 Had you begun to do that?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10449547 No.  I was sitting on the edge of the bed leaning over her.  She says that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10449547 You\rquote d leaned over her and taken her shoulder and then, as she saw it, paused.  What }{\i\f1\insrsid2231252 did she think you }{\i\f1\insrsid10449547 were going to do?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10449547 God, I don\rquote t know.  I don\rquote t remember.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10449547 Wouldn\rquote t you agree that the most likely explanation is that you were going to hold her down}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948  for a kiss}{\i\f1\insrsid10449547 , restrain}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid10449547  her if }{
\i\f1\insrsid5050948 she tried to wriggle away from it.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5050948\charrsid5050948 Yeah, I guess so.}{\f1\insrsid10449547\charrsid5050948  
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10449547 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5050948\charrsid10449547 \'93He paused and looked at me.\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948 
  I would have thought you would have been looking at her from the moment you pulled back the covers and exposed her yet this suggests a change in you.  As though you suddenly looked at *her* rather than the}{\i\f1\insrsid2231252  }{\i\f1\insrsid13182433 
young woman\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid2231252 s body in the little cotton nightie}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948  under your nose.   }{\i\f1\insrsid5050948\charrsid5050948 \'93He was so strong and I was so afraid.\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948 
  Were you aware of her fear?  }{\i\f1\insrsid2231252 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5050948 I\'85.  Yeah, there was something.  But it wasn\rquote t fear.  She didn\rquote t look frightened.  It was\'85 something else.
\par }{\f1\insrsid2231252 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2231252 Do you think it was your strength she was afraid of, or something else?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2231252 How should I know?}{\f1\insrsid2231252\charrsid2231252 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5050948 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5050948 How long was this *pause* before you spoke? Did you have to think about it, or did you know immediately that Stacy}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444  had}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948  lied to you}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 
 about Deirdre wanting you, even secretly?}{\i\f1\insrsid5050948\charrsid5050948 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10449547\charrsid16324349 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5050948 Pretty much immediately}{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 , but I don\rquote t think I used the word \lquote lied\rquote  because that would suggest Stac}{\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019 e}{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 
 had been deliberately dishonest and I didn\rquote t think then and I don\rquote t think now }{\f1\insrsid1669107\charrsid7239019 that }{\f1\insrsid2049145\charrsid7239019 she had been.  }{\f1\insrsid14683344\charrsid7239019  She\rquote 
d been wrong about something, tho\rquote .  I think I said something like \'93but she was wrong, wasn\rquote t she?\'94 or \'93but I think she was mistaken.\'94  }{\f1\insrsid13173444 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 Are you sure about that?}{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid13963694\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13173444 Yeah}{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 , I\rquote m absolutely sure.  I didn\rquote t use the word \lquote lied\rquote .   I}{\f1\insrsid12544890\charrsid7239019 s that significant}{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 ?  A 
\lquote Freudian slip\rquote ?  Dee accusing Stacy of being malicious when I\rquote m damn sure she wasn\rquote t.  No, Stacy wouldn\rquote t have sent me in there all primed to screw Dee if she hadn\rquote 
t genuinely thought Dee was up for it.  Christ, think it}{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019  through}{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 .  Stacy }{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 knew}{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 
 our big sister knew we were screwing.  The *last* thing she\rquote d fucking do is anything she thought might provoke }{\f1\insrsid3672593 our big sister}{\f1\insrsid15878578\charrsid7239019 
 into running to Mom with that tale.  I mean, we were pretty confident Mom already knew and was turning a blind eye}{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 
 but she could hardly keep in turning it with our prim and proper big sister jumping up and down and yelling about it}{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 , eh?}{\f1\insrsid13173444   E}{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019 
ven a whisper of something like that }{\f1\insrsid13173444 would\rquote ve had}{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019  had the Child Protection people down on Mom like a ton of bricks.  }{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 And I\rquote 
d have said one of the things most likely to get Dee running screeching to Mom was the sight of her brother sneaking up on her with his prick }{\f1\insrsid1669107\charrsid7239019 throbb}{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 ing with evil intent.}{
\f1\insrsid1799071\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 
\par No, }{\f1\insrsid13173444 I know }{\f1\insrsid1669107\charrsid7239019 my reaction }{\f1\insrsid13173444 at the time }{\f1\insrsid1669107\charrsid7239019 was that }{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 Stacy was wrong but I would never, ever have }{
\f1\insrsid1669107\charrsid7239019 accused her lying}{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 .  I don\rquote t know why Dee should have written that I did, especially as I\rquote m damn sure she never intended that to be read by anyone except herself.  You
\rquote re the shrink.  You tell me.}{\f1\insrsid14963586 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13173444 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 I\rquote ve no answer yet.  I\rquote ll need to think about it.}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444\charrsid13173444 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14963586\charrsid7239019 
\par Well think about it, then.  }{\f1\insrsid9133488\charrsid7239019   That\rquote s your job.}{\f1\insrsid14963586 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13173444 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 Agreed.  Did you go on to reassure Deirdre that you weren\rquote t going to *rape* her?}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444\charrsid13173444 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 
\par \rquote Rape\rquote ?  I don\rquote t know.  I don\rquote t think I actually said \lquote rape\rquote , but I\rquote m not as sure }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 about that }{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 as I am that I never said \lquote lied
\rquote .  
\par }{\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 *Could* you have raped her?}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444   I mean, if you had wanted to?}{\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3672593 Of course. }{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019  I could have raped her if I\rquote d really wanted to.  I was bigger and stronger.  }{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 And yeah, I was pretty wound up.  }{
\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 But that kind of rape never crossed my mind}{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 , I swear}{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 .  I mean}{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 
 for Christ sake she was my sister.  We weren\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 exactly }{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 bosom buddies, but I loved her.  She was family.  If any }{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 other }{
\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 guy had raped her like th}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 at}{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019  I\rquote d have killed him}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 , given}{\f1\insrsid5712707\charrsid7239019 
 half a chance.  }{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 Besides I had Stace waiting in my bed next door }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 only too willing }{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 to help me unwind.  It wasn\rquote t like Dee was all I had.}{
\f1\insrsid1799071\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 
\par And anyway it was hardly practical.  One scream or even some bumping about would have had Mom looking in to investigate, and while she might have been prepared to }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 live with}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 
 me and my little sister }{\f1\insrsid2231252 banging away with each other because we both wanted to, }{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019  there was no way she\rquote d have put up with me raping either o}{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 
f my sisters, or any other girl}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019  come to that.  
\par }{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019 
\par And even if I\rquote d successfully raped Dee that night, was I expecting her to sit down at table for breakfast the next morning with just a happy \lquote Good }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 m}{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019 orning, Jeff\'94?

\par }{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 
\par No, I can\rquote t remember now}{\f1\insrsid12204486  exactly}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019  but I think I said something along the lines that if she didn\rquote t want me like Stace said she did I wasn\rquote 
t going to force myself on her.   I guess she could have }{\f1\insrsid13173444 taken}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019  that as meaning I wasn\rquote t going to rape her, but all I meant was that }{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019 
what she said, went.  I wasn\rquote t going to press myself }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 on her }{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019 or make a nuisance }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 of myself }{\f1\insrsid3672593 
if she said no, even if Stace thought I should do.}{\f1\insrsid3804619\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 I guess }{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019 you think that was significant, too?  Putting words into my mouth and intentions into my head that weren\rquote t there?  Why the Hell should she do that? }{
\f1\insrsid13173444 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3672593 Possibly to justify her own reactions. }{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 According to her account she hadn\rquote t actually said anything, up to this point.}{\f1\insrsid8994778\charrsid7239019  
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2252753\charrsid7239019 No, she hadn\rquote t said a word.  In fact she didn\rquote t say a single }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 thing}{\f1\insrsid2252753\charrsid7239019  all the time I was there.  }{\f1\insrsid13173444 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 So she hadn\rquote t said, \'93No, Jeff\'94 even though it was pretty obvious what you were there for.  Wasn\rquote t that as good as her saying \'93yes}{\i\f1\insrsid227190 , Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 \'94?}{\f1\insrsid13173444 

\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2231252 Not at all }{\f1\insrsid13173444 .  }{\f1\insrsid2231252 OK, s}{\f1\insrsid2252753\charrsid7239019 he didn\rquote t actually say \lquote no\rquote  to me.  Not in words.  }{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019 But tho\rquote }{
\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  I was only sixteen I\rquote d learned enough to }{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019 read a girl\rquote s body language pretty well}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019 , I reckon}{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019 .  }{
\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 I knew the signs.  }{\f1\insrsid746320\charrsid7239019 I like to think I knew }{\f1\insrsid15807287\charrsid7239019 when her }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 tongue}{\f1\insrsid15807287\charrsid7239019  was saying 
\lquote no\rquote  but her body was saying \lquote maybe\rquote , but if she said \lquote no\rquote  and her body did too I always took it }{\f1\insrsid11864058\charrsid7239019 that}{\f1\insrsid15807287\charrsid7239019  \lquote no\rquote }{
\f1\insrsid11864058\charrsid7239019  as final}{\f1\insrsid15807287\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid8994778 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13173444 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13173444 But wasn\rquote t that what Stacy had suggested?  That she might say no but mean yes?}{\i\f1\insrsid13173444\charrsid13173444 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14578346\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid206479 Maybe but that wasn\rquote t the message I was getting then}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019 , I}{\f1\insrsid206479 \rquote m certain}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 Had I}{
\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  thought she was saying \lquote no\rquote  but meaning \lquote yes\rquote  I\rquote d have done }{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 more}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019 , I\rquote m sure.  I mean, I wanted to so
 much.  She wasn\rquote t wearing a sexy night}{\f1\insrsid12264964 ie}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  or anything}{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019  -}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  that would have been a real surprise}{
\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019  -}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  but she was wearing a }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 short, }{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 flimsy}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  cotton}{
\f1\insrsid1247750\charrsid7239019  thing}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019  that didn\rquote t leave much to the imagination}{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 .  And she was nineteen}{\f1\insrsid227190 , or very near}{
\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 .  I\rquote d never had a girl anything like that old}{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 , then}{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 .  Maybe sixteen}{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 , tops}{
\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 .  Hell, to me my big sister was a woman and I\rquote d never had a woman, just girls.}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019   My prick wanted her so much it hurt}{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 
 but to the rest of me she was still Deputy Mom, and if Mom said \'93hop\'94 I just asked \'93how high?\'94}{\f1\insrsid2706435\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 Any hint of a green light and I\rquote d have been in there like a rabbit, b}{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 ut }{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 I saw}{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 
 the signs were saying a very clear \lquote no\rquote .}{\f1\insrsid7473708\charrsid7239019   The way she was trying to ignore my erection which clearly wanted her.  No girl with an itch in her fanny and 
yearning for a prick to scratch it would have ignored}{\f1\insrsid671086  - or tried to ignore -}{\f1\insrsid7473708\charrsid7239019  one so coldly.  There\rquote d have been some reaction as her body said \lquote yes\rquote }{
\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 and imagined it being scratched }{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 even if she was }{\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 \lquote saying\rquote  no}{
\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 , but with Dee there was nothing.}{\f1\insrsid10554034\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 
\par And when I pulled the covers back, exposing her.  She must have }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 seen me}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 staring at}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  her }{
\f1\insrsid1247750\charrsid7239019 breasts}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 , known }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 the cotton was showing }{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 up }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 her}{
\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  nipples}{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019  and not hiding much}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 .  Her nightie had ridden up her legs nearly to her fanny}{\f1\insrsid2774571\charrsid7239019 , too}{
\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 , but}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  she didn\rquote t try to cover herself}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 , nor}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  do the little things to draw attention to it or her }{
\f1\insrsid1247750\charrsid7239019 ti}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 ts, either, like a girl does when she\rquote }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 s}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019  interested.  There was, like, nothing.   
\par 
\par \'93It was\'85.  It was\'85.  Hell, you\rquote re forcing me to put }{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 into words }{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 what }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 only }{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 I felt}{
\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019  without thinking about}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 .  OK.  It seemed to me she was saying, }{\f1\insrsid1247750\charrsid7239019 \'93}{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 yes, you\rquote 
re a boy and have a great prick and I\rquote m a girl with }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 tingling nipples}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019  under this cotton }{\f1\insrsid3091825\charrsid7239019 and a hot secret fanny}{
\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 , but because you\rquote re my brother and I\rquote m your sister those things don\rquote t exist for us.  Brothers and sisters don\rquote t have sex.}{\f1\insrsid1247750\charrsid7239019 \'94}{
\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 She wasn\rquote t saying}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019  that }{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 brothers and sisters shouldn\rquote t screw each other}{
\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 S}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 he was saying that }{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 sex}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 *}{
\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019  should not }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 even }{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 exist for brothers and sisters.  Does that make sense?}{\f1\insrsid3091825 
\par }{\f1\insrsid206479 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid206479 Yes.}{\i\f1\insrsid206479\charrsid206479 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 \'93}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 OK.  Good.  Well}{\f1\insrsid1247750\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019  that was the message I got, like walking
 into a brick wall.  And part of me said she was right.  The part of me that never forgot my twelve-year-old kid sister lying on my bed watching me undress and wondering how she was ever going to take her big brother\rquote s }{
\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 big }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 prick in}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019  her tiny cunt, but bracing herself to do it}{\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019  anyway}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 , }{
\f1\insrsid15997309\charrsid7239019 told me that my job was to love these two girls and guard them with my life if necessary, without wanting to touch a hair on their heads.  }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 
And that Stacy should have grown to be what she was, a beautiful, lively }{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 fourteen-year-old girl}{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019 
with my protection allowing her to make}{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019  all her own choices about who she had sex with, and when.}{\f1\insrsid6776512\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 Are you sure that was the message you got then, and not an}{\i\f1\insrsid206479  }{\i\f1\insrsid478129 \lquote }{\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019  understanding}{\i\f1\insrsid478129 \rquote }{
\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019  you came to}{\i\f1\insrsid206479  when thinking about it}{\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019  later?  When you were older perhaps and wiser?
\par }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 No}{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 .  That was the message I got, and why I carefully covered her up again and kissed her on the forehead }{\f1\insrsid9133488\charrsid7239019 like}{
\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019  a }{\f1\insrsid7301098 father}{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 .  }{\f1\insrsid1259548\charrsid7239019 I wanted her to know I\rquote d got }{\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 it}{\f1\insrsid1259548\charrsid7239019 
.  }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 And }{\f1\insrsid1259548\charrsid7239019 I }{\f1\insrsid3216440\charrsid7239019 got up ready to slink from the room like a whipped dog.
\par }{\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3110673\charrsid7239019 And?
\par }{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 
\par She stopped me, like she says.  It w}{\f1\insrsid14424027\charrsid7239019 as the first time she had moved}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019  apart from her eyes}{\f1\insrsid14424027\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 
 and her head a little.  She caught my wrist just as I turned away.  Yeah}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 , I}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid671086 l}{\f1\insrsid671086\charrsid7239019 ooked}{\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 
 down at her.  I was utterly baffled.  }{\f1\insrsid14686221\charrsid7239019 I had absolutely no idea why she had done that.  }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 I just knew}{\f1\insrsid14686221\charrsid7239019  that I was way, way out of my depth.}{
\f1\insrsid8010651\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 She writes about this moment, \'93I was so scared.\'94  Did you know this?
\par }{\f1\insrsid14424027\charrsid7239019 
\par Scared?  No, I didn\rquote t get any hint of that, if she was.  Hell, what had she got to be scared of?  She must have known I wasn\rquote t going 
to touch her.  All I could think was that she was going to talk to me about Stace.  About me and Stace.  About me betraying Stace.  So I sat down on the bed again}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 , ready to promise her anything.}{
\f1\insrsid14424027\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 When did she let go of your wrist?
\par }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 
\par Oh, let me think}{\f1\insrsid16216313\charrsid7239019  about that}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 .  Yeah, I\rquote m pretty sure she didn\rquote t let go of my wrist until I\rquote d sat down. }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 Did she pull you back to the bed?  Perhaps just a gentle invitation?
\par }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 No. }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019   She just held me, stopping me moving away.  And }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 then }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 
she let her arm lie on top of the covers, next to my }{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019 bare }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 ass but not touching me.  }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 Your sure?
\par }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par Ye}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 ah, I\rquote m pretty sure.
\par }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 How accurate is her account of what happened next?
\par }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 
\par Let me read it again.}{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 Yeah, I guess that was pretty much it, but it\rquote s what she doesn\rquote t say}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019  that matters}{
\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 .  This makes it sound as though I knew}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid880835\charrsid7239019 she\rquote d just lie there }{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 and }{\f1\insrsid478129 so }{
\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 got }{\f1\insrsid16216313\charrsid7239019 straight down to feeling her up}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 , but I didn\rquote t.  }{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019 I sat there for a long while}{
\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019  waiting for her to speak.  At first}{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019  when she didn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019  I supposed she was just having trouble finding the right words, or wondering what to say to me, how to talk about me screwing our }{\f1\insrsid7301098 kid}{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019 sister.  I knew well enough that she had trouble }{\f1\insrsid16216313\charrsid7239019 even with ordinary}{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019  sex. }{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019   I mean even talking about it.  
}{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019  I\rquote d seen her ignore it, and even leave, if a group of kids started talking about it at school.  I\rquote d seen her look away from the TV if there\rquote d been a bit of sex on it, like it embarrassed her.  I 
}{\f1\insrsid8540187\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019 assumed she had taken up the Deputy Mom role and was trying to work out what a real Mom twice her age would \endash 
 or should -  do if she found out that two of her kids were screwing each other}{\f1\insrsid8540187\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019  and }{\f1\insrsid9133488\charrsid7239019 I }{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 could understand}{
\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019  she was }{\f1\insrsid8540187\charrsid7239019 having difficulty with }{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 that.}{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par It was a long, long time \endash  or certainly seemed so \endash  before I realised that she wasn\rquote t going to say anything.  That she was }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 just }{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019 waiting}{
\f1\insrsid10188696\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019   And that I had to puzzle it out.}{\f1\insrsid2698502\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019 Shit, it }{\f1\insrsid671086 seemed like hours}{\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019  before th}{\f1\insrsid671086 e}{\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019  penny dropped.}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019  Me sitting there cringing at the memories of my kid sister bleeding \lquote cos I\rquote d tried to have sex with her}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019  and }{
\f1\insrsid8945143 her }{\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019 telling me I could try again tomorrow}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019  if I wanted}{\f1\insrsid14751272\charrsid7239019 
.  And my big sister just waiting for me to grow up, her hair spread on the pillow and her big eyes taking my soul apart.}{\f1\insrsid7757704\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8540187\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2448786\charrsid7239019 And then, suddenly, I knew.  I was sure I did.  I knew what she was waiting for.  It wasn\rquote t for me to grovel, or to beg forgiveness for what I\rquote d done with Stacy.  I didn\rquote 
t owe that to Deirdre.  I owed }{\f1\insrsid12729300\charrsid7239019 it}{\f1\insrsid2448786\charrsid7239019  to Stacy.  It was\'85  It was\'85 Oh, shit.  I can\rquote t describe what it was.  I just *knew* what it was.}{\f1\insrsid9133488\charrsid7239019 
  }{\f1\insrsid8540187 
\par }{\f1\insrsid206479 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid206479 And it was\'85?}{\i\f1\insrsid206479\charrsid206479 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9133488\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 Yeah, yeah.  I know it\rquote s probably important.  It\rquote s just\'85  I\rquote ve never thought about it like this, putting it into words.  It was in my guts, not my head.  Ok, give me a chance to put it together.
}{\f1\insrsid9133488\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 
\par I}{\f1\insrsid16216313\charrsid7239019 t}{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 was that I suddenly realised}{\f1\insrsid12729300\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 
Stace had been right all along.  I knew}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 that Dee }{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 really}{\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid10446390\charrsid7239019 really }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 wouldn\rquote t stop me from having sex with her if that was what I wanted.  Yeah, there and then}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 , or any fucking time}{
\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 .  She wasn\rquote t encouraging me.  *She* didn\rquote t want it.  But if *I* wanted it, she was there.  All the way.  She\rquote d made nineteen and was still a virgin \endash 
 yeah, Stace was sure of it, and I thought so too \endash  but she wouldn\rquote t stop me from popping her cherry if I wanted to.  Her }{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 fucking no}{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 body of a }{
\f1\insrsid2628945\charrsid7239019 kid }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 brother.}{\f1\insrsid6096545 
\par }{\f1\insrsid206479 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid206479 Why the change?  A moment before, according to her, sex didn\rquote t exist for brother }{\i\f1\insrsid671086 and sister.  Now she\rquote s saying, \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid206479 If you want to }{\i\f1\insrsid671086 fuck}{
\i\f1\insrsid206479  me, go for it}{\i\f1\insrsid671086 \'94.}{\i\f1\insrsid206479\charrsid206479 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 
\par Jesus Christ, I don\rquote t know why.  You\rquote re the fucking shrink.  I just knew I was way, way out of my depth.  
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019 That\rquote s when I told her I wasn\rquote t going to do it.  Fuck her, that is.  I knew she didn\rquote t want me to, but would allow me to if I wanted.  Shit. That was like being hit by a truck.  My body saw }{
\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 my hands }{\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019 opening her legs }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 up }{\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019 and her letting me.  I felt }{\f1\insrsid2520914\charrsid7239019 my}{
\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019 self lying between her knees and my prick felt itself sliding into her}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019  as she lay there quietly}{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 , accepting it}{
\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019 .  A}{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019  truck?  Christ}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019  it was like being hit by a fucking }{
\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 nuclear bomb}{\f1\insrsid7542774\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid6096545\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 
\par That was what my body }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 imagined doing.  }{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019  But my heart\'85.  Shit, I sound like some woman\rquote s magazine.  In my heart I knew it was a test.  If I was st
ill that fourteen-year-old kid who\rquote d forced his prick into his twelve-year-old sister\rquote s cunt even thought it hurt her like hell and he knew she wasn\rquote t ready, I\rquote d do it to my }{\f1\insrsid3672593 nine}{
\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 teen-year-old big sister too}{\f1\insrsid14495316\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid7106789\charrsid7239019 even though I knew she didn\rquote t want me to}{
\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019  either}{\f1\insrsid7106789\charrsid7239019 .  But if I\rquote d seen\'85   If I\rquote d understood\'85  If I\rquote d grown up}{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019  enough}{\f1\insrsid7106789\charrsid7239019 \'85
  I wouldn\rquote t do it because I\rquote d learned that taking sex is shit.  Being given sex is what blows your mind.  }{\f1\insrsid13044051 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7673339 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7673339 Fairly advanced sex-education for a sixteen-year-old boy?}{\i\f1\insrsid7673339\charrsid7673339 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14495316\charrsid7239019 Yeah.  That was why I told her I wasn\rquote t going to fuck her.  }{\f1\insrsid15537981 OK, that wasn\rquote t what I actually said.  How does she put it?  }{\f1\insrsid15537981\charrsid15537981 \'93
"Don't worry," he said, "we won't actually do it."}{\f1\insrsid15537981 \'94  Yeah, it was something like that.  }{\insrsid15537981  }{\f1\insrsid14495316\charrsid7239019 I wanted her to know I\rquote d grown up, and that I wasn\rquote t the selfish}{
\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 , careless}{\f1\insrsid14495316\charrsid7239019  bastard who}{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019  for his own }{\f1\insrsid7673339\charrsid7239019 pleasure}{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019  had}{
\f1\insrsid14495316\charrsid7239019  screwed his twelve-year-old kid sister \lquote til she bled}{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019  any more}{\f1\insrsid14495316\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid2043962\charrsid7239019   Even if I\rquote d only grown up like that since I\rquote d been in that room.}{\f1\insrsid13044051\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 She doesn\rquote t mention it, but }{\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 I remember she smiled.  Just a little one.  But it was enough.  I\rquote 
d passed the test.   It was all over and we could start again.  But shit, she\rquote d put herself on the line.  }{\f1\insrsid7673339 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7673339 You think she would not have objected had you decided to }{\i\f1\insrsid15537981 \'93do it\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid7673339  anyway?}{\f1\insrsid7673339 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 No, I\rquote m sure she wouldn\rquote t have stopped me.  }{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 Wouldn\rquote t have s}{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 hoved her hand down there between us at the last moment}{
\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019  risking have to fight me off and Mom looking in}{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 .  She\rquote d have gone through with it.  I saw the relief in her eyes.}{
\f1\insrsid10844493\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 
\par And}{\f1\insrsid7301098\charrsid7239019 , of course}{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019  that\rquote s why }{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 she wrote that }{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 she}{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 \rquote d been}{
\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019  scared.  Earlier.  Christ, I\rquote m so stupid.  When she stopped me from leaving she knew }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 she was }{\f1\insrsid671086 inviting}{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019  me to screw her}
{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 , }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 or }{\f1\insrsid671086 to }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 choose not to}{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 .   }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 It}{
\f1\insrsid2520914\charrsid7239019  was up to me.  }{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m damn sure she wasn\rquote t on the pill, and she hadn\rquote t taken any precautions a}{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 s}{
\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019  she hadn\rquote t known I\rquote d be coming.  And I didn\rquote t have a condom with me \endash  I still used Mom\rquote s supply with other girls who needed it, but I hadn\rquote 
t used one with Stace for years and just hadn\rquote t thought of going for one before going to Dee\rquote s room.  And I was so hot there was no way I\rquote d }{\f1\insrsid2043962\charrsid7239019 have }{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019 
stopped to go down for one once we\rquote d started.  Christ, she knew all that}{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 .  Unprotected sex with her own brother.  That\rquote s what she\rquote }{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 d}{
\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019  put herself up for if\'85  if\'85  If she\rquote d got it wrong, I suppose.}{\f1\insrsid6381742\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid459945\charrsid7239019 Or if I \'85
.   If I failed the test.  }{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 But why?  For Christ sake, why?  I don\rquote t understand.}{\f1\insrsid2043962\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid6381742 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7673339 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7673339 We can only speculate.}{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9378627\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9724676\charrsid7239019 Speculat}{\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 e}{\f1\insrsid9724676\charrsid7239019 !  Isn\rquote t everything you mumbo-jumbo shrinks }{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 d}{\f1\insrsid9724676\charrsid7239019 
o speculation?  She\rquote s dead, for Christ\rquote s sake, so I can\rquote t ask her now.  Give me a reason.  That\rquote s all I want.}{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019   I\rquote ve got to understand.}{\f1\insrsid9378627 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7673339 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7673339 You\rquote re right.  We can\rquote t ask her now.  Wait we can do is try to understand her, and while I believe I\rquote m beginning to I\rquote ve a way to go yet.}{\i\f1\insrsid7673339\charrsid7673339 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9724676\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid459945\charrsid7239019 OK, I\rquote ll wait.  But you\rquote d better come up with something good.  Something that makes sense.  You fucking cold-hearted bastards can\rquote t just go poking about it people\rquote s secret lives, raking }{
\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 up }{\f1\insrsid459945\charrsid7239019 this sort of stuff, just for your own fucking entertainment.  Dear Christ, Dee!  Why?  Why?}{\f1\insrsid9724676 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7673339 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7673339\charrsid7673339 Would you like a break?
\par }{\f1\insrsid459945\charrsid7239019 
\par Just give me a moment.
\par 
\par OK.  When she smiled \endash  that little smile \endash  she\'85. opened \'85. herself to me again.  }{\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019 She didn\rquote t move.  Didn\rquote t say anything.  But the signs\'85.  }{\f1\insrsid7673339   You\rquote 
re right.  }{\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019 It wasn\rquote t \'93brothers and sisters don\rquote t have sex\'94 any more, the way it had been before.  It was\'85 oh, shit, I\rquote m no good at words\'85  it was\'85 Hell, it was something like \'93I
\rquote m }{\f1\insrsid27697\charrsid7239019 yours}{\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019  and you\rquote re mine because we\rquote re brother and sister.  We don\rquote t give and take sex, because my sex is already yours and yours is }{
\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 mine to}{\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019  do with as we wish, but there\rquote s love and trust }{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 as well }{\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019 and I can\rquote 
t put it into words because if you haven\rquote t felt it, you can\rquote t begin to understand.}{\f1\insrsid459945\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 
\par Do you have a sister?  Do you have the slighte}{\f1\insrsid27697 st idea what I\rquote m talking about?}{\f1\insrsid481024 
\par }{\f1\insrsid27697 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid27697 Every family has its own dynamic and it is your family we are considering here.}{\i\f1\insrsid27697\charrsid27697 
\par }{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 
\par Bastard!
\par }{\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 Would you prefer to terminate the session?
\par }{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 
\par No, no. }{\f1\insrsid5864106\charrsid7239019 Not now.  }{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 I\rquote d like to shove that fucking}{\f1\insrsid671086  stupid}{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019  bow-tie down your fucking throat, but we can\rquote 
t leave it like this.  I need to know.  To understand.  And you\rquote re supposed to be the fucking expert.}{\f1\insrsid481024 
\par }{\f1\insrsid27697 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid27697 I am \lquote supposed\rquote  to be.  But I am not omnipotent.  Through study and, I like to think, a certain sympathy I can help people come to a better understanding of themselves and why they think the way they do, but I don
\rquote t have all the answers.  }{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019 OK.  So you know what happens next.  It\rquote s all in that }{\f1\insrsid27697 piece}{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019  my sister}{\f1\insrsid27697  wrote}{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid27697 
privately  and }{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019 that\rquote s probably been all round this fucking office and is going to appear in your next fucking book.  I\rquote ll try to make it simple for you, in the hope you\rquote ll understand.}{
\f1\insrsid481024\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 Thank you.
\par }{\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019 All }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 her}{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019  signs had changed.  Everything had changed.  Let me make this really, really clear.  I }{\f1\insrsid5712726\charrsid7239019 kne}{
\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 w I }{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019 could still have sex with Dee}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019  if I wanted}{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019  to}{\f1\insrsid13976758\charrsid7239019 .  She still wouldn
\rquote t have stopped me had I opened her legs, climbed between them and forced my prick into her.}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019   It was still open to me to do that.  }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 She would even have assisted me.  }{
\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 And she wouldn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 have said }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 a word.  To anybody.  More, if I wanted to screw her there and then, }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 
*she* }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 wanted}{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 me to screw her there and then.   If I wanted to be the first to screw her \endash  to claim her cherry \endash  }{
\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 she}{\f1\insrsid8861005 * }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 
wanted me to be the first and claim her cherry.   If I was willing to take the risk of getting her pregnant with her brother\rquote s child, }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 she}{
\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019  was willing to take the risk of becoming pregnant with her brother\rquote s child.  }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019 Why? }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 Bec
ause she was my sister and loved me }{\f1\insrsid14045032\charrsid7239019 so much}{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 she wanted what I wanted even when she didn\rquote t want it herself.  That\rquote 
s what the signs said.  And because I was her brother and loved her}{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019  the way a brother should}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 , and }{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019 because I }{
\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 knew that she didn\rquote t want me to have sex with her, I didn\rquote t want to have sex with her}{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019  either}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 .  Which is why we never had sex, OK?}{
\f1\insrsid9666322\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 Would you not describe what you did do as sex?
\par }{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 
\par Well}{\f1\insrsid15677695\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019  OK.  Never had intercourse.  }{\f1\insrsid11733610\charrsid7239019  What happened next was part of what had just happened.}{\f1\insrsid15677695\charrsid7239019 
  I knew she still didn\rquote t want me to have intercourse.  That mattered to her.  Whether it was the pregnancy thing, or the virginity thing, or the incest thing, I don\rquote t know.  }{\f1\insrsid1117415\charrsid7239019 She just didn\rquote 
t want my prick in her.  But anything short of that didn\rquote t matter.  I knew she\rquote d have no objection to me touching her in her most secret, private, sensitive, place.  Her fanny was my fanny.  Make sense?}{\f1\insrsid3950749\charrsid7239019 

\par }{\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 Yes.
\par }{\f1\insrsid1117415\charrsid7239019 
\par More, I knew she }{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid1117415\charrsid7239019 wanted}{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019 *}{\f1\insrsid1117415\charrsid7239019  me to go there.  Perhaps she wanted to prove I\rquote d understood it }{
\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 all and confirm it}{\f1\insrsid1117415\charrsid7239019 .  Perhaps she wanted to seal something between us \endash 
 not the ultimate intimacy of intercourse but the next best thing.  Perhaps she really, deeply, did want to know what a guy\rquote s fingers felt like there, and I was the only guy she trusted enough to allow to go there.  Probably all of those things.}{
\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019   But because I was her brother and loved her, and knew that she wanted me to go there, I wanted to go there}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019  too}{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid1117415\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 So when I folded the sheets down again and lifted her night}{\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 dress}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019  up to her stomach exposing the }{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019 patc
h of }{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 hair }{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019 between her legs}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019  and her fanny in it she didn\rquote t move a muscle.  She didn\rquote t blush, or look away so as she wouldn
\rquote t see me looking at it.  Why should she?  She\rquote d given it to me, with all her heart.}{\f1\insrsid6584241\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 
\par So I touched it carefully.  Tenderly.  Because it was fucking precious}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  to me}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 . }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  Not the hairs and skin of her fanny, \lquote cos they\rquote 
re all much the same in the dark, but the fact this one had been given to me.  Me.  }{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 I parted its lips and explored what lay within, and woke }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 my big sister}{
\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019  with all the skill I had.  }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 I see s}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 he wondered what Stacy had taught me.  Stacy had given me four years of full, un}{\f1\insrsid3684177 obstruc
}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 ted access to these magical folds and rolls of }{\f1\insrsid15281570 woman}{\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 , and hours of feedback as to what }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 a million }{\f1\insrsid27697 
different}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  pressure}{\f1\insrsid27697 s}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  and rhythm}{\f1\insrsid27697 s}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 
, stroking and tweaking by finger, lip, tongue and teeth could cause them to feel, and I gave all that back to my other sister}{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019  in those ten or so minutes}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 .}{
\f1\insrsid10902364\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 
\par I }{\f1\insrsid10569943 found out}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid10569943 for sure }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 she was }{\f1\insrsid10569943 still }{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 
a virgin.  I could only get the tip of my finger }{\f1\insrsid5516602\charrsid7239019 into her}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  but because she knew I knew she didn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid3684177\charrsid7239019 want}{
\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  me to squeeze through it or break it, she trusted me not to and didn\rquote t say anything or do anything t}{\f1\insrsid3684177 o warn me off.  And I didn\rquote t.}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019 
 I just sat and used all the skill at my fingertips to bring my }{\f1\insrsid5516602\charrsid7239019 older}{\f1\insrsid14580389\charrsid7239019  sister to orgasm because she had given me permission to.}{\f1\insrsid14580389 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569943 
\par I had to be careful \lquote cos she didn\rquote t get wet like girls usually do.  I guess that was because she was still a virgin and, well, the wetness was all inside her and couldn\rquote t get out through that little hole.  I had to lic
k my finger to work on her clit and be careful not to make it sore by rubbing but that was different, too, and kind\rquote a nice.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569943\charrsid10569943 She didn\rquote t touch you?}{\i\f1\insrsid10569943 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569943 No.  She wriggled, quite a lot, the way girls do when they come, but didn\rquote t move on her own, if you know what I mean.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569943 She doesn\rquote t mention you going down on her.  }{\i\f1\insrsid3684177 Did you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3684177 No.}{\i\f1\insrsid3684177 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569943 Did you consider it?}{\i\f1\insrsid12596626 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569943 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569943 I thought of it.  I like it.  But I kind\rquote a though}{\f1\insrsid15472836 t}{\f1\insrsid10569943  she didn\rquote t want it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569943 So you denied yourself that pleasure.  Did you touch her breasts?  She wouldn\rquote t have minded that, surely?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10569943 No, I didn\rquote t.  It seemed\'85 I dunno.  Didn\rquote t seem right.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10569943 And you didn\rquote t touch yourself?  Just a gentle stroking, perhaps, as you looked down at your fingers working in the fanny of your fantastic big sister?}{\i\f1\insrsid12596626\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3684177 You\rquote re sick, you know that? }{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019 No, I wasn\rquote t getting anything out of it sex-wise.  That didn\rquote 
t matter.  I was getting something else, something almost as incredible, even more incredible in a different way.  Deirdre had given herself to me.  My stunning, }{\f1\insrsid11302922 grown-up}{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019  
nineteen-year-old sister, a woman }{\f1\insrsid14045032\charrsid7239019 already }{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019 out in the world, had put herself literally in the hands of her awkward, gawky sixteen-year-old brother}{
\f1\insrsid14045032\charrsid7239019  still living at home with his Mom making all the decisions for him}{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019 .  The button of her clit as I played with it was like the nuclear button given to a school-boy by the President.  
\'93Here, son.  You know what this is.  What it can do.  I\rquote m trusting you to }{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019 use}{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019  it}{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019  responsibly}{\f1\insrsid7668145\charrsid7239019 .\'94
  That was what my big sister had given me with her clit.  }{\f1\insrsid10551370\charrsid7239019 Can you comprehend that?}{\f1\insrsid7668145 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11302922 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11302922 I think so.}{\i\f1\insrsid11302922\charrsid11302922 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019 
\par \'93Well I hope you really do, because it\rquote s fucking important.  She took a lot of care of herself, did Dee.  She loathed untidiness. Not looking her best.  She was always fighting with Stace over it }{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019 because}{
\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019  Stace was a lot more easy going. }{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid11302922\charrsid7239019 Didn\rquote t}{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019  care so much about what she looked like.  She knew she didn
\rquote t really need to.  But Dee was always t}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 rying to smarten her up.  Make her more ladylike.  }{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019 
And I drove her to distraction.  And she hated mess.  Fastidious.  That was Dee.  Yet here she was, writhing out of control}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019  -}{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019  well, out of her }{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 
own }{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019 control anyway.  }{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 I was playing her clit like a violin \endash  and she hated not being in control}{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019  of herself}{
\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 .  I could smell her sex, pungent and animal, and she\rquote d have hated that.  My fingers were sticky }{\f1\insrsid11302922 with the spit I\rquote 
d had to use to get a bit of friction and I guess a bit of grease had leaked out of her cunt}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 , and she\rquote d}{\f1\insrsid5516602\charrsid7239019  usually}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019  }{
\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019 rush to the bathroom of she got any mess on her hands or legs.}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019   Her legs were wide open, giving me maximum access to her fanny and for all the things it is, a girl\rquote s fanny isn
\rquote t the }{\f1\insrsid5516602\charrsid7239019 prettiest}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019  part of her, especially when it\rquote s all pink, flushed and swollen }{\f1\insrsid14574688 for sex}{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 
, and she knew it was right under her eyes.  }{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019 I even saw her arse-hole and she knew I could see it even though I knew from Stace that\rquote s she\rquote 
d refused to let a woman doctor check her there when she had a problem of some sort.  }{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 Her hair, both on her head and her fanny, was wild and tousled.  In fact it}{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019  wa}{
\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 s a bit surprising }{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019 to me }{\f1\insrsid283295\charrsid7239019 she didn\rquote t shave down there.  }{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019 She was a million miles from the us
ual Deirdre I knew \endash  everyone knew \endash  yet she was }{\f1\insrsid3482128\charrsid7239019 exposing}{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019  it all to me.  Jesus, it was like a freaking nun doing a striptease and a pole dance}{
\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019  in the Vatican}{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019 .  That\rquote s what she was trusting me with.}{\f1\insrsid3482128\charrsid7239019   Her real self.}{\f1\insrsid9116117\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3482128\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019 I gave her orgasm after orgasm.  Stace had taught me how to do that.  And I felt each one as though it was my own.  I\rquote 
d shaped it, created it and given it to her like a gift and I enjoyed it with her.  Enjoyed it because she did.  I knew when she\rquote d had enough and brought her down gently because }{\f1\insrsid3684177 Stace}{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019 
 had taught me how to do that, too.  When at last she was just lying there quivering and glowing and utterly spent, I tidied her up a bit but didn\rquote t clean her up}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019  \endash  didn\rquote t wipe her fanny}{
\f1\insrsid11302922  \lquote cos I knew she wouldn\rquote t want that -}{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019  tucked her up, kissed her like she was a baby I\rquote d just rocked to sleep and left her.  Yeah, just like she wrote.  I didn\rquote 
t say anything, \lquote cos everything had already been said.}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019   And she hadn\rquote t said a word.}{\f1\insrsid1593467 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11302922 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11302922 And then?}{\i\f1\insrsid11302922\charrsid11302922 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1593467\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019 I went straight back to Stacy.  I knew I s}{\f1\insrsid11302922 melled}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019  of Dee\rquote 
s sex and needed a shower but it was too late for that.  Too late at night, I mean.  Stace and I usually needed a shower too, afterwards, but we didn\rquote t get one.  I mean, maybe Mom would have just rolled over in bed and gone back to sleep thinking, 
\'93ah, that\rquote s the kids having a shower after sex}{\f1\insrsid15281570  together}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019 ,\'94 but like I think I said, we didn\rquote t like pushing the envelope.}{\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11302922 Stace}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019  was awake and waiting, and she didn\rquote t look disappointed like she\rquote d been waiting for some }{\f1\insrsid3684177 row}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019  from Dee\rquote 
s room and her to rush out screaming rape.  I\rquote d been gone maybe a half-hour but she must have know}{\f1\insrsid15472836 n}{\f1\insrsid6894607\charrsid7239019  immediately I hadn\rquote 
t screwed Dee as my prick was still bone hard, and as dry as a bone.  She must have smelled Dee\rquote s sex on me, tho\rquote .  }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 I\rquote ll swear she genuinely wanted to know what had happened.}{\f1\insrsid6894607 

\par }{\f1\insrsid11302922 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11302922 I\rquote m not arguing.  What did you tell }{\i\f1\insrsid3684177 her }{\i\f1\insrsid11302922 about what had happened?}{\i\f1\insrsid11302922\charrsid11302922 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 
\par I told her Dee hadn\rquote t wanted to have sex with me, and that I thought Dee had a big hang-up about pricks and penetration she\rquote d have to get over on her own.  But I said she had been up for
 a little naughtiness and had let me have a little finger \endash  there\rquote d have been no denying that }{\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 anyway }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 \endash  and that I didn\rquote t think there\rquote 
d be any more trouble about me screwing Stace.  }{\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 As long as}{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019  she wanted me to.
\par 
\par So she showed me how much she wanted }{\f1\insrsid14045032\charrsid7239019 me }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 
to.  And because she wanted to and I wanted to, and I knew she wanted to and she knew I wanted to, it was great.  Fantastic.  Even though she was }{\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 m}{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 y kid sister.}{\f1\insrsid4081123 

\par }{\f1\insrsid11302922 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11302922\charrsid11302922 Did you}{\i\f1\insrsid11302922  tell Stacy about the things you\rquote d learned about sex}{\i\f1\insrsid15281570 , and about yourself, }{\i\f1\insrsid15472836  from Deirdre}{\i\f1\insrsid11302922 ?}{
\i\f1\insrsid11302922\charrsid11302922 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 
\par No, I didn\rquote t go into any of that \'93Voyage of }{\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 Personal }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 Discovery\'94 stuff.  Christ, I didn\rquote 
t understand half of it.  Trying to explain it to you has helped me understand some of it, but I still don\rquote t understand half of it.  I\rquote m hoping you can tell me, and why what happened still happened.  But something had changed.  Stace wasn
\rquote t any longer just my kid sister who I was fond of and used for sex.  I loved her}{\f1\insrsid15086585\charrsid7239019 ,}{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019  and t}{\f1\insrsid11739156 hought how lucky I was}{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 
 that this incredible creature should want my prick in her, }{\f1\insrsid11739156 and to }{\f1\insrsid4081123\charrsid7239019 do such wonderful things to it}{\f1\insrsid14428453\charrsid7239019 .  And loved her even more because she did.  Oh, yes, and }{
\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 because }{\f1\insrsid14428453\charrsid7239019 she was my sister.}{\f1\insrsid4081123 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7097540 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9398370 And how had Deirdre changed?}{\i\f1\insrsid7097540\charrsid11739156 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9398370 S}{\f1\insrsid15086585\charrsid7239019 he was a bit different, next day.  A bit warmer. Or she seemed so.  Maybe it was just because I noticed more.  She backed off Stace a bit, too.  I thought, you know, that now we\rquote 
d broken the ice we\rquote d slowly work on it, but sh}{\f1\insrsid13642222\charrsid7239019 e was straight back off to colle}{\f1\insrsid15086585\charrsid7239019 ge even if she really didn\rquote t need to.  But I assumed that was just her priorities.}{
\f1\insrsid9261268 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9398370 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9398370 And her next visit home?  Faithful to your girlfriend?}{\i\f1\insrsid9398370\charrsid9398370 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15086585\charrsid7239019 
\par That was just a front.  Well, she was a real enough girlfriend, I enjoyed her company and we had great screwing.  But I didn\rquote 
t stop screwing Stace as well, when she wanted it.  But yeah, we agreed a little lie to Dee.  Really to make her think that I\rquote 
d stopped screwing Stacy.  Well, screwing her all the time, anyway.  We were a bit vague about it. We thought it might make it easier on Dee if she thought that, and that if I had a regular girlfriend to screw she wouldn\rquote 
t feel under any pressure to let me take that *last* step.
\par 
\par But we pretty much went our own ways in the years after that.  I never stopped screwing Stac}{\f1\insrsid13642222\charrsid7239019 y}{\f1\insrsid15086585\charrsid7239019 .  Still do.  }{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 But only as and when.  We don
\rquote t, you know, have a hide-away anywhere}{\f1\insrsid13642222\charrsid7239019 , or regular appointments. }{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019   I didn\rquote 
t see Dee very often.  It was rare she and I would be at home together, and I never really had the kind of place on my own where sh}{\f1\insrsid857042\charrsid7239019 e }{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 could have come and stay}{
\f1\insrsid13642222\charrsid7239019 ed}{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019  the night, that kind of thing.  Not like Stacy!   When we were together and Stacy wasn\rquote t Dee could be really bright and bushy-tailed and, yeah, if I snuck into her room she
\rquote d never throw me out.  I guess that\rquote s what she means by my doing *little things* for her.  She could orgasm for hours under my finger and tongue but because of the \lquote faithful to girlfriend\rquote  myth \endash  }{
\f1\insrsid9398370\charrsid7239019 this}{\f1\insrsid857042\charrsid7239019  reads as though she really believed it, but }{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 I mean, Christ, who is faithful to his \lquote girlfriend\rquote  \endash  she didn\rquote 
t seem to feel that I was being unnatural in not pushing her to intercourse, tho\rquote  God knows I wanted to, sometimes.  }{\f1\insrsid13642222\charrsid7239019 But I don\rquote 
t ever remember her sneaking into my room.  And if Stace was there, I never even tried with Dee.  }{\f1\insrsid15086585 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9398370 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9398370 So she would accept oral sex from you?}{\i\f1\insrsid9398370\charrsid9398370 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 
\par Yeah, }{\f1\insrsid9398370 and }{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 she made an effort with my prick.  I taught her to }{\f1\insrsid13514482 jac}{\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 k me off because she insisted, like a girl insisting she\rquote 
s got to learn how to pick up a spider.  When I ejaculated, tho\rquote , she squeaked and snatched her hand away, and she was shuddering as she looke
d at a smear of semen on her fingers.  I could feel how badly she wanted to wash them, and how hard she was having to work not to }{\f1\insrsid11230843\charrsid7239019 
wipe them clean on the sheets.  She did get a little easier about it but oral?  There is no way she could have done that.  I know she didn\rquote t like me going down on her and only allowed it because I wanted to do it.}{
\f1\insrsid8012322\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11230843\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid857042\charrsid7239019 You know, I don\rquote t think she ever masturbated.  I mean, hell, we never talked about it.  I just got the feeling she didn\rquote t.  She wouldn\rquote t.  She couldn\rquote t.  }{
\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 When}{\f1\insrsid857042\charrsid7239019  she just got too wrought up she came to m}{\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 e}{\f1\insrsid857042\charrsid7239019  and I relieved her.  Odd that, }{
\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019 the reference to}{\f1\insrsid857042\charrsid7239019  my doing \lquote little things\rquote  for her without asking.  }{\f1\insrsid10774545\charrsid7239019 Was she expecting me to turn up and say \'93
Hello, Sis.  Do you need me to give you an orgasm?\'94  }{\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019 Yet }{\f1\insrsid8529149\charrsid7239019 I suppose}{\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019  that\rquote s
 what it became.  And it became the problem.  Even after I married she\rquote d turn up at the house unannounced or after a \lquote phone}{\f1\insrsid9398370  call, and I\rquote d see the signs.  \lquote }{\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019 
Course I could hardly creep into her room during the night but we made an opportunity for me to give her a \lquote seeing to\rquote  \endash  in the car, most often - and I wouldn\rquote 
t see her again for months.  She was pretty high-powered by then, of course.  Always brought something damn expensive for the house, or Penny, or the kids when they came along.}{\f1\insrsid857042 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9398370 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2127040 How often did this occur?}{\i\f1\insrsid9398370 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2127040 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2127040 Oh, Maybe I\rquote d go six months without seeing her, then twice in a fortnight.  All she wanted was to stand, or lie, or sit, with my fingers just making those orgasms in her }{\f1\insrsid7352484 fanny}{\f1\insrsid2127040 
.  She was so different afterwards.  Meek.  Apologetic.  Promised never to do it again}{\f1\insrsid1065946   I}{\f1\insrsid2127040 f we could she\rquote 
d offer to jerk me off and sometimes I even let her because she was so keen, so eager to give me something back.  But I got her to stop promising not to come again, because it only made it worse.  I mean, she tried but she couldn\rquote 
t, and the longer she left it the more she was wound up when she arrived and the wilder were her orgasms \endash  sometimes I only had to touch her and she exploded.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2127040 Deirdre was sure your wife knew, and maybe even thought worse.}{\i\f1\insrsid2127040\charrsid2127040 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019 
\par Yeah, Penny bristled.  Even I could see that Dee was giving off signals that weren\rquote t \lquote sisterly\rquote }{\f1\insrsid16455369 .}{\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019  Stacy could}{\f1\insrsid16455369  hide them \endash  she\rquote 
s a fantastic actress - }{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 but I thought Dee wasn\rquote t aware }{\f1\insrsid16455369 i}{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 t}{\f1\insrsid16455369  was obvious}{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 
, until I saw this.  I just made damn sure that I was never with Dee in a position where we could really have got down to it, and made sure Penny knew it.  She skirted around it a couple of times \endash  you know, me and my sister \endash 
 but I told her about the boys she\rquote d never had, and her \lquote shyness\rquote  about sex as a kid, and of course she never had 
a man in tow or expressed any interest in them to Penny, and I think Penny did write her off as frigid, maybe with an unnatural but unfulfilled interest in her brother.}{\f1\insrsid13977453\charrsid7239019   More like an Aunt and favourite nephew, really.
}{\f1\insrsid6770395 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2127040 
\par It came to a head once.  Dee had been
 a bit over the top and Penny tried to make me finish it.  Get Dee to stop visiting and never see her again, but I made it clear to Penny that if it came to it my family, and in particular my sisters, were more important to me than she was.  So after that
 she put up with it.}{\f1\insrsid2127040\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2761201 S}{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 o I don\rquote t know.  It wasn\rquote t long after a visit that I heard the news}{\f1\insrsid2761201  about her}{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 
, but it had been a pretty ordinary visit.  We only had a forty-minute window while Penny went to pick the kids up from school and I always allowed twenty for a safety margin and to wash up \endash  sex smell clings like hell }{
\f1\insrsid1248564\charrsid7239019 \endash }{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid1248564\charrsid7239019 but I blew her mind in fifteen with some clever finger work \lquote 
tho I say so myself, and she seemed content when she left.  She was still intact.  Was she after\'85   You know.}{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1248564\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2127040 Yes, she was.  So you hadn\rquote t had any confrontations with her?  }{\i\f1\insrsid2761201 Hadn\rquote t tried to end it, for the sake of your marriage?}{\i\f1\insrsid1248564 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2761201 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2761201 No.  I think Penny thought it was worse than it really was, but I wasn\rquote t playing about with other women.  She knew that.  
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2761201 And if Deirdre had threatened to \lquote go public\rquote  with this story?  Would you have stopped her?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2761201 No, she wouldn\rquote t have.  I\rquote m sure of it.  She\rquote s had have to have really hated us to do that, and I know she didn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2761201 OK.  Thank you.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2761201 That it?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2761201 Unless you have something to add?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2761201 No.  Nothing.}{\f1\insrsid2761201\charrsid2761201 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15491948\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6770395\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid8529149\charrsid7239019 {\*\bkmkstart Penny}{\*\bkmkstart Mom}{\*\bkmkend Penny}{\*\bkmkend Mom}Mom}{\f1\ul\insrsid9006348\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13858165 That was a copy of}{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019  Deirdre\rquote s short story }{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 which }{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 she called \'93Brother\'94
, Mrs. Bartlett, and obviously it contains matters I need to talk to you about. }{\i\f1\insrsid13514482  Would you like to read it again}{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid11230843\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 No.  Thank you.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 Does reading it cause you pain?}{\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par What do you think}{\f1\insrsid8985530\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 I would think that }{\i\f1\insrsid1003208\charrsid7239019 at present}{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019  anything}{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 
 reminding you of Deirdre would cause you pain, and something }{\i\f1\insrsid8985530\charrsid7239019 especially}{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019  intimate }{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 she }{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 herself }{
\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 created revealing her thoughts about you would be }{\i\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019 additionally}{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019  painful, particularly if it was critical.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019 I also think you know what lay behind my question and chose to avoid it, but I can be more clinical if }{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 necessary}{\i\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019 
.  You are, in any case, here voluntarily and may terminate this session at any time.  }{\i\f1\insrsid2696794\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13858165 I}{\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019  know the police think Stacy or Jeff, or maybe both of them, }{\f1\insrsid16386107 might have }{\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019 pushed Deirdre }{\f1\insrsid13858165 off}{
\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019  that }{\f1\insrsid13858165 balcony, and now I can guess they might think it was}{\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019  to stop her revealing this.  I know they didn\rquote t,  and I\rquote 
ll do whatever it takes to convince them and you of that fact.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 It is a possibility they have to consider, Mrs. Bartlett.  This story was}{\i\f1\insrsid16455369  }{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 on the hard-drive of Deirdre\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019 
s desk}{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 top}{\i\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019  PC}{\i\f1\insrsid13858165 .}{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019   Were this }{\i\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 \lquote story\rquote  }{
\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 to become public knowledge I have no doubt it would put Jeff\rquote s marriage under a great deal of st}{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 rain, to put it mildly}{\i\f1\insrsid8985530\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 and inevitably have an impact on his children, }{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 and while the impact it would have on Stacy\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 
present }{\i\f1\insrsid2249747\charrsid7239019 career is}{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid1003208\charrsid7239019 perhaps}{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019  debatable}{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 publicity such is this in the kind of media that wo
uld make the most of it would certainly close down any prospects she might have of moving into more conventional fields of acting at any time in the future}{\i\f1\insrsid7045024\charrsid7239019 .  Moreover despite her somewhat blas\'e9
 attitude towards the views of others }{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 regarding}{\i\f1\insrsid7045024\charrsid7239019  her personal mo
rality I believe what would undoubtedly be very sordid and seamy exposure of her personal life involving both her brother and you }{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 but made \lquote newsworthy\rquote  by her involvement would cause her deep distress}{
\i\f1\insrsid16727356  for the pain it would inevitably cause you}{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par However h}{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 aving now spoken to them both }{\i\f1\insrsid3028580\charrsid7239019 I }{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 am convinced neither could ever have even considered acting against their sister }{
\i\f1\insrsid3028580\charrsid7239019 in this or any violent way order to protect themselves }{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 even had they known disclosure was imminent.}{\i\f1\insrsid3028580\charrsid7239019 
  And I shall attempt to persuade the police }{\i\f1\insrsid1003208\charrsid7239019 of that view}{\i\f1\insrsid3028580\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid11096343\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 
\par Mrs. Bartlett, I believe both Jeff and Stacy loved Deirdre every bit as much as they loved each other, and would have continued to do so even ha}{\i\f1\insrsid3028580\charrsid7239019 d}{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 
 she destroyed everything else they held dear.   However I do not believe Deirdre ever contemplated }{\i\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 doing }{\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 that}{\i\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid3028580\charrsid7239019  as her love for them was in its own way as strong and true.  An equally possible scenario in my view is that Deirdre wrote this story as a kind of personal catharsis}{
\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 .  However this still does no
t explain to me why she did what she did, even after having spoken to Jeff and Stacy, but I believe there is still light to be shed on her life, thoughts and feelings to which you may, perhaps innocently, hold the key.}{
\i\f1\insrsid2754761\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 
\par So I wi}{\i\f1\insrsid344982\charrsid7239019 ll ask you again, Mrs. Bartle}{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 t}{\i\f1\insrsid344982\charrsid7239019 t.  Aside from the quite understandable pain any reminder of Deirdre\rquote 
s life will bring you now and of course}{\i\f1\insrsid1003208\charrsid7239019  until the day you die,}{\i\f1\insrsid344982\charrsid7239019  is reading this story particularly painful for you?}{\i\f1\insrsid9506\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid344982\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 Yes.}{\f1\insrsid344982\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 Broken down, the story reveals the fact that Jeff and Stacy were committing incest, Deirdre believed either that you had not become aware of this or had chosen to ignore}{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019  it}{
\i\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019  and clearly thought both possibilities blameworthy, that she did not object to and indeed subsequently }{\i\f1\insrsid74666\charrsid7239019 had what I suggest were \lquote sweet dreams\rquote  }{
\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019  about an indecent act she permitted her brother to perform on her, }{\i\f1\insrsid8985530\charrsid7239019 that a limited sexual relationship did ensue between Deirdre and Jeff, }{
\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 and that most recently she seems to have been prepared to destabilise her brother\rquote s marriage by allowing }{\i\f1\insrsid8985530\charrsid7239019 and even encouraging }{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 
your daughter-in-law to believe in an incestuous relationship which d}{\i\f1\insrsid16281856\charrsid7239019 id}{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 n\rquote t actually }{\i\f1\insrsid3935950 exist}{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 
.  Can you think of anything I\rquote ve missed?}{\i\f1\insrsid15740625\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8985530\charrsid7239019 Then let us analyse these separate threads of the story.  Both Jeff and Stacy expressed to me the view that }{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 yo
u were aware of their incest but elected not to interfere.  Is this correct?}{\i\f1\insrsid11164208\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 Do you have to use that word?  It is so ugly.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9836255 Incest? }{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 It is technically correct, unless of course they were }{\i\f1\insrsid600167 not}{\i\f1\insrsid600167\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 actually }{
\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 related}{\i\f1\insrsid600167  by blood}{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 .  Were either of them adopted?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 Then I have a problem.  My discipline regards itself as a science, although }{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 admittedly }{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 
not all agree it is justified, and precision is a prerequisite of all science.  What word would you prefer we used to refer to their relationship?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 How about *love*?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 I would prefer not to}{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019  adopt tha}{\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 t as a euphemism}{\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 
.  I have no doubt Jeff and Stacy loved each other but as I am sure you would agree, Mrs. Bartlett,}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019  sex is not an essential ingredient of love.  After all, I might ask you if you loved Jeff?}{
\i\f1\insrsid16454824\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 Yes.  Of course.  And I did not have sex with him, if that\rquote s what you}{\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 \rquote }{\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 re getting at.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 It is a }{\i\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 rather}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019  difficult suggestion I would have }{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 felt bound to have raised}{
\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019  at some point }{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 in this discussion }{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 and I am glad we have been able to dispose of it promptly and neatly.  
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 Did you really think Jeff and I\'85..?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 No, Mrs. }{\i\f1\insrsid4463951\charrsid7239019 Bartlett}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 , I didn\rquote t really think }{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 Jeff and you}{
\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 .  Jeff himself raised and then dismissed the }{\i\f1\insrsid16401498\charrsid7239019 possibility}{\i\f1\insrsid1065946  not once but four}{\i\f1\insrsid3935950  times}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 , }{
\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 and}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019  I am satisfied nothing }{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 actually}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 occurred }{
\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 between you.  However }{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 I am also satisfied that Jeff, like most normal teenage boys, played with the}{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019  possibility}{
\i\f1\insrsid4463951\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 and even received some encouragement }{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 from}{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 
 both your apparent unconcern at his wandering naked, and perhaps rather provocatively, around the house and your lack of the expected parental response to his, ah, \lquote physical relationship\rquote  with his}{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 
 little}{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019  sister.  I}{\i\f1\insrsid74666\charrsid7239019  suggest i}{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 t would have taken very little }{\i\f1\insrsid14040384\charrsid7239019 more }{
\i\f1\insrsid74666\charrsid7239019 - }{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 shall we say, \lquote encouragement\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid5858088\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid74666\charrsid7239019 - }{
\i\f1\insrsid1920741\charrsid7239019 on your behalf }{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 for a }{\i\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 similar such }{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 relationship with you to have }{
\i\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 occurred}{\i\f1\insrsid9836255  and I suspect you knew this}{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 Can you honestly say }{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 you }{
\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 were }{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 not tempted}{\i\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid15619901\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 
\par Mrs Bartlett?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 Yes.  }{\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 I was tempted.  }{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 
My husband left me when Jeff was seven but the marriage had effectively ended several years earlier, as my husband was getting all the sex he wa
nted outside of it.  I, on the other hand, was not.  Nor did I after the divorce as I had three children to bring up.  By the time Jeff started wandering around the house provocatively naked, as you put it, at fourteen I was a thirty-}{
\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019 eight}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019  year}{\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019 -}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 old woman w
ho had not had sex for eight or nine years.  Forgive me if I responded to the sight of a naked and well-hung young man with thought}{\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 s}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019  of }{\f1\insrsid14040384\charrsid7239019 
going to bed}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019  with him}{\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 , and enjoyed those thoughts}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 T}{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 hought}{\i\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 s}{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019  of }{\i\f1\insrsid14040384\charrsid7239019 going to bed}{
\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019  with a well-hung young man, or with your }{\i\f1\insrsid16727356 own }{\i\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 son?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 Can\rquote t you leave it alone?  I knew what Jeff was thinking.  }{\f1\insrsid4463951\charrsid7239019 If I\rquote d}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019  wanted to have sex with my son I would have done.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019 Why, then, did you not discourage him from wandering naked about the house}{\i\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 ?  You must have been aware he would regard it to some degree as an encouragement in his hopes.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 Yes, I\'85   I liked looking at him, damn it}{\i\f1\insrsid6764332\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019   }{\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 
He was my son.  My only son. He was the centre of my life.  To see him like that, a man, perfect, full of life, made my heart sing.  Satisfied?}{\f1\insrsid6170649\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 And if he had taken that encouragement too far?  Slipped into your bed in the darkness on}{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 e}{\i\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 
 night?  Taken you into his arms by the kitchen sink, his hands claiming your breasts, body pressed against yours, stronger than you by far, hard and throbbing with his need?  What then, Mrs. Bartlett?
\par 
\par Mrs Bartlett?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 Yes.}{\f1\insrsid10829718\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m sorry?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 Yes, I would have let him.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 Let him?  Merely *let* him, Mrs. Bartlett?
\par 
\par Mrs. }{\i\f1\insrsid4463951\charrsid7239019 Bartlett}{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 No.  You would not have merely *let* him have sex with you.  You would have responded actively and eagerly, your needs and desires matching if not exceeding his, yes?}{\i\f1\insrsid7033783\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 Yes.  But it didn\rquote t happen. What has this }{\f1\insrsid74666\charrsid7239019 got }{\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 to do with Deirdre?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 A very great deal}{\i\f1\insrsid16196767 , I suspect}{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 .  At this time your elder daughter was }{\i\f1\insrsid861920 an}{\i\f1\insrsid9574591\charrsid7239019  eighteen-}{
\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 year old virgin with her own powerful}{\i\f1\insrsid16386107  sexual}{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019  needs and desires, quite normal for a young woman.  Only }{\i\f1\insrsid10314009\charrsid7239019 *}{
\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 this}{\i\f1\insrsid10314009\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid600167  young woman}{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019  who }{\i\f1\insrsid1003208\charrsid7239019 wa}{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 
s committing a great many resou}{\i\f1\insrsid1003208\charrsid7239019 rces into denying those needs, wa}{\i\f1\insrsid16475750\charrsid7239019 s also subconsciously aware not only that her two younger siblings are }{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 
revelling in joyous, unrestrained sex }{\i\f1\insrsid74666\charrsid7239019 with each other }{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 but that her own mother}{\i\f1\insrsid9050992\charrsid7239019 , who wa}{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 
s aware of it and permitting it, }{\i\f1\insrsid9050992\charrsid7239019  wa}{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 s }{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 also }{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 wound t}{\i\f1\insrsid13858165 
ight with sexual desire for her}{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid13858165 own }{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 brother, with a strong possibility that this, too, could explode into actual }{
\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019 sky-searing }{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 consummation at any time.  Where do you suppose this left Deirdre, Mrs. Bartlett?}{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019   Somewhat out in the cold, wouldn\rquote 
t you say?}{\i\f1\insrsid10314009\charrsid7239019   In fact }{\i\f1\insrsid9050992\charrsid7239019 feeling }{\i\f1\insrsid10314009\charrsid7239019 somewhat outside the family altogether}{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 ?}{
\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 Are you saying she knew?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 I\rquote m certain that at an unacknowledged level she did.  She will have been aware of the signs in you, but refused to *see* them at an conscious level for to do so would have been too painful 
to her.  After all, she was only refusing to recognise in you exactly the same ringing needs and burning desires she was }{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019 refusing}{\i\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019  herself.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14181365\charrsid7239019 For Jeff?
\par }{\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019 Yes}{\i\f1\insrsid4750835\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019   And no.  This is perhaps}{\i\f1\insrsid10314009\charrsid7239019  the central paradox of Deirdre}{
\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019  which I am still seeking to unravel.  The resolution lies in understanding the story she left us.  She desired Jeff every bit as powerfully as you did}{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019  which is very curious.   Your desire for Jeff, if }{\i\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 you\rquote ll forgive me}{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019  Mrs. Bartlett, w}{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 as}{
\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019  just a case of good old-fashioned lust and}{\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019  sexual}{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019  frustration.  }{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 
Following your experience of marriage }{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019 you wanted to avoid any c}{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 
omplications and commitments and merely concentrate on bringing up your children.  On the other hand casual sex and \lquote one-night stands\rquote  were abhorrent to you with the consequence that your o
pportunities for sex were limited out of existence.  It was merely Jeff the well-hung hunk your body }{\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 yea}{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 rned for, not Jeff your son.  Had the explosion happened\'85.   }{
\i\f1\insrsid3935950 We\rquote ll never}{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019  know.  My best guess is that you would have managed the afterwards more than competently, }{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 with just }{
\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 an acceptance that you\rquote d broken a rule which when all is said and done doesn\rquote t really }{\i\f1\insrsid4549558\charrsid7239019 amount to anything}{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019  when intelligent and 
}{\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019 independent}{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 ly-minded people are involved.  After all, you\rquote d already proved}{\i\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid6514933\charrsid7239019 that with}{
\i\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019  your handling of Jeff and Stacy\rquote s, ah..}{\i\f1\insrsid9519305\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019 Incest?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019 Precisely.  On the other hand, Deirdre\rquote s opportunities for sex especially once she was away }{\i\f1\insrsid7359220\charrsid7239019 from home }{\i\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019 
at college were practically unlimited.}{\i\f1\insrsid3348024\charrsid7239019   She had no need to lust after }{\i\f1\insrsid5389442\charrsid7239019 Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid3348024\charrsid7239019  as the only available well-hung hunk.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid7359220\charrsid7239019 For \lquote normal\rquote  girls of her age}{\i\f1\insrsid5389442\charrsid7239019  who experience it}{\i\f1\insrsid13925444 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid7359220\charrsid7239019  incest}{\i\f1\insrsid1850201  with a brother}{
\i\f1\insrsid7359220\charrsid7239019  is usually a case of the continuation of an already established relationship, as in Stacy\rquote s case, or the \lquote taking in hand\rquote  of a loved younger brother for his sex education \endash 
 something Jeff certainly had no need of.  It can also be part of a revolt against \lquote the rules\rquote  and \lquote the establishment\rquote  \endash  incest is wrong, let\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 s d}{
\i\f1\insrsid7359220\charrsid7239019 o it }{\i\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 \endash }{\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 which is }{\i\f1\insrsid13925444 a motive}{\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019 
 I cannot ascribe to the girl I believe Deirdre was}{\i\f1\insrsid5389442\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid7359220\charrsid7239019  or }{\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019 a conscious decision to \lquote indulge\rquote 
 in incest in an attempt to know again that sweet additional thrill of the secret and illicit which so often adds a very exciting extra dimension to our first e}{\i\f1\insrsid4463951\charrsid7239019 xperiences of under-age, no-one-}{
\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019 must-know sex.  Which cannot have been the motivation in Deirdre\rquote s case.}{\i\f1\insrsid8668812\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid340865\charrsid7239019 In short, Mrs. Bartlett, your desire for Jeff was quite normal}{\i\f1\insrsid16727356 , healthy}{\i\f1\insrsid340865\charrsid7239019  and perfectly understandable in the circumstances.  Deirdre\rquote s was not.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 Yet I believe we need to understand it in order to understand her and what happened.}{\i\f1\insrsid15301994\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 Yes.  I can see that.  Can\rquote t you call me Bridget?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 I would like to.}{\i\f1\insrsid4463951\charrsid7239019   Let\rquote s return to our analysis of Deirdre\rquote s story.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 You were, then, aware of the extent of the love bet
ween Jeff and Stacy and turned a blind eye?}{\i\f1\insrsid6584885\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 Were you aware at the time that they knew you knew?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 I\'85.  I thought they probably }{\f1\insrsid869813 did}{\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019  but wasn\rquote t sure.  They never\'85
 tested me on it.  Put me in a position of having to show my hand.  And, well, it seemed easier}{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 \'85}{\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 to pretend}{
\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 .}{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019   To}{\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019  go so far as  to}{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 \'85 }{\f1\insrsid1850201 openly }{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 accept it\'85
 seemed like the top of a slippery slope.  I\'85 was afraid where it might lead.}{\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 Jeff might well have taken your }{\i\f1\insrsid1850201 open}{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 
approval of a physical relationship by him with his little sister as a sign that you would not deny him one either.}{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019   Indeed, if you }{\i\f1\insrsid1850201 obviously }{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 
saw nothing wrong with his committing incest with his little sister what }{\i\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 possible }{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 grounds could you have for }{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 say}{
\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 ing it would be wrong for him to commit incest with you?}{\i\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 Something like that}{\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 , I suppose.   I don\rquote t remember thinking it through that clearly.  It was more a gut thing}{\f1\insrsid9658562\charrsid7239019 .  
\par }{\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 Nevertheless, did you never wonder if}{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019  it might be better to sit them both down and show your hand?  And perhaps lay down a few rules?  Jeff told me of the }{
\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 supply of }{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 condoms }{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 you maintained}{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019  and had very little doubt that you\rquote d meant him to use them }{
\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 for }{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 Stacy}{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 \rquote s protection}{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 .  However}{\i\f1\insrsid16741042\charrsid7239019 ,}{
\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019  you could }{\i\f1\insrsid5389442\charrsid7239019 gave }{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 worked with them and agreed }{\i\f1\insrsid16741042\charrsid7239019 a set of rules and }{
\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 measures that would have made the whole relationship safer for them, and you.}{\i\f1\insrsid3309206\charrsid7239019   The need to }{\i\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019 even ritually }{
\i\f1\insrsid3309206\charrsid7239019 hide it from you might have led them to take risks that could have resulted in its discovery by a less sympathetic party.}{\i\f1\insrsid8345982\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 It was more than I could do to sit down with my children and }{\f1\insrsid861920 encourage}{\f1\insrsid869813  }{\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 them to have sex with each other.  And it really isn\rquote 
t correct to suggest that I approved of their..   them.  }{\f1\insrsid5389442\charrsid7239019  It was more a case of... tolerating it.}{\f1\insrsid8131410\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 Which brings us, of course, to the $64,000 question.  Why }{\i\f1\insrsid9529067\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 did}{\i\f1\insrsid9529067\charrsid7239019 *}{
\i\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019  you tolerate it, Bridget?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 I\'85  It took me by surprise.  No.  That\rquote s not really true.  I}{\f1\insrsid5440176\charrsid7239019  guess }{\f1\insrsid14046987 I\rquote d seen it coming but }{\f1\insrsid5440176\charrsid7239019 i}{
\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 t started before I }{\f1\insrsid14046987 expected}{\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 .  It surprised me and then\'85 it was too late.  }{\f1\insrsid526308\charrsid7239019 I knew\'85}{\f1\insrsid5440176\charrsid7239019 
  something like it was on the cards. }{\f1\insrsid526308\charrsid7239019  When Stacy was ten she would do anything for Jeff.  He was twelve and sex kind\rquote a \endash  exploded \endash 
 in him.  I saw it.  He became aware of sex.  One day, as it seemed, girls, female things,  meant nothing}{\f1\insrsid1906478\charrsid7239019  special}{\f1\insrsid526308\charrsid7239019  to him.  The next day he couldn\rquote 
t keep his eyes off them.  Is it always like that?  With boys?}{\f1\insrsid9254428\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid526308\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid526308\charrsid7239019 There are no rules.  We are individuals.  Yet Jeff doesn\rquote t sound unusual.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid526308\charrsid7239019 Ah.  Well, with Stacy practically hanging off him}{\f1\insrsid9529067\charrsid7239019  all the time it was obvious he would notice she was a girl \endash  I mean notice in a sexual way \endash 
 and the signs were there that they, ah, got up to a little naughtiness.  But she was only ten.  She looked a little older, she was tall, and I watched her carefully to see if, yo}{\f1\insrsid869813 u know, maybe Jeff was pushing it}{
\f1\insrsid9529067\charrsid7239019  too far.  But she was bright-eyed, bubbly and full of fun, and clearly adored him so I thought, well, if they were up to a bit of mischief it clearly wasn\rquote t doing her any harm.}{
\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019   I mean, short of always keeping a brick wall between them, or threatening them with dire punishments and that \lquote God knows everything\rquote  }{\f1\insrsid5440176\charrsid7239019 nonsense}{
\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 , what can you do?}{\f1\insrsid9529067\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 Earn their trust, so that they don\rquote t feel the need to do things behind your back?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 Yes.  I guess I failed, then.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 Having talked with Jeff and Stacey at length I\rquote m not of the opinion that you failed them.  I also believe we will discover that it would }{\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019 take}{
\i\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019  a }{\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019 very }{\i\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 harsh judge to }{\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019 find that you}{\i\f1\insrsid869813  failed Deidre.   I\rquote m afraid}{
\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019  though, Bridget}{\i\f1\insrsid869813 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019  that it does seem that you did not always make the perfect decision every time.  So how did you discover that intercourse had occurred }{
\i\f1\insrsid5440176\charrsid7239019 between them }{\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019 before you were ready for it?}{\i\f1\insrsid13248422\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1789405\charrsid7239019 Oh, the signs.  Stacy was only twelve\'85}{\f1\insrsid6555228\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1789405\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1789405\charrsid7239019 That\rquote s what Jeff says, but Stacy says she was thirteen.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1789405\charrsid7239019 No, she was still twelve.  }{\f1\insrsid1907479\charrsid7239019 Their father was still alive when it happened and I remember he sent her a gift for her thirteenth birthday which was three or four }{\f1\insrsid16196767 
weeks}{\f1\insrsid1907479\charrsid7239019  after\'85 I knew for sure.}{\f1\insrsid1850201   }{\f1\insrsid6183526 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6183526 Knew for sure?}{\i\f1\insrsid6183526\charrsid6183526 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6183526 
\par I was pretty sure even before I\'85 }{\f1\insrsid1850201 confirmed it}{\f1\insrsid6183526 .  T}{\f1\insrsid1850201 here was something about Stacy\rquote s poise, her }{\f1\insrsid6183526 confidence, the way Jeff was no-}{\f1\insrsid1850201 
longer her almost God-like big brother but her equal, even her \endash  bodyguard isn\rquote t quite right, \lquote protector\rquote  would be better, if you know what I mean?}{\f1\insrsid1789405 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1850201 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1850201 I believe so.  Go on.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1850201 And he,,, he seemed to have gone overnight from being fond of }{\f1\insrsid13925444 her }{\f1\insrsid1850201 and }{\f1\insrsid13925444 putting up with}{\f1\insrsid1850201  her to adoring her}{\f1\insrsid86981 
.  I guess it was a power thing.  Before he\rquote d held all the power and she had to accept what he gave, but now she held the power.  You didn\rquote 
t have to be a rocket scientist to recognise that she had something he wanted, and had the power to give or withhold it, and to guess what that }{\f1\insrsid2040592 something }{\f1\insrsid86981 might be.}{\f1\insrsid1850201\charrsid1850201 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1907479\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid86981 But you nevertheless wanted to actually }{\i\f1\insrsid6183526 \lquote confirm it\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid86981  before doing anything?  }{\i\f1\insrsid14096447 Sure
ly sitting them down for a chat, perhaps individually, would have been enough to get a confession?}{\i\f1\insrsid1907479\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14166839\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14563887\charrsid7239019  }{\f1\insrsid14563887\charrsid7239019 I wanted to know for sure if I was going to }{\f1\insrsid2253274\charrsid7239019 tackle}{\f1\insrsid14563887\charrsid7239019  to Jeff about it}{
\f1\insrsid2253274\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid14563887\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid13643752  }{\f1\insrsid6183526 I mean -}{\f1\insrsid13643752  }{\f1\insrsid86981 to }{\f1\insrsid13643752 accus}{\f1\insrsid86981 e him of doing it to Stacy}{
\f1\insrsid13643752  if he wasn\rquote t\'85    }{\f1\insrsid13925444 And Stacy was so happy.  I didn \lquote t want anything to come between us\'85  turn her against me.  I was afraid that if I interfered\'85}{\f1\insrsid6183526 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13925444 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 You were afraid w}{\i\f1\insrsid13925444 hat might happen if you interfered, Bridget?}{\i\f1\insrsid13925444\charrsid13925444 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6183526 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13643752 You see, the}{\f1\insrsid6183526 ir}{\f1\insrsid13643752  father was always trying to get them to live with him.  He\rquote d remarried and }{\f1\insrsid10165745 they had }{\f1\insrsid13643752 her kids plus some of their\rquote 
s but he wanted mine, too.  And I was afraid that, well, if I came down hard on Jeff, or embarrassed him, he might decide he\rquote d prefer to go live with his father.  At fourteen I couldn\rquote t really h
ave stopped him.  And if their father got wind of what had been going on, Jeff and Stacy that is, well he could have \endash  you know, unfit mother, that kind of thing.  I could have lost them all, and I didn\rquote t want to risk that.}{
\f1\insrsid14166839 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13643752 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 But you didn\rquote t just turn a blind eye to the possibility}{\i\f1\insrsid3804391  they had become lovers}{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 ?  You did take steps to confirm your suspicions?}{\i\f1\insrsid13925444 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15825165 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 You actually wanted to }{\i\f1\insrsid4811885 watch}{\i\f1\insrsid15825165  them having intercourse?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14046987 That\rquote s a rather crude}{\f1\insrsid15825165  and cruel way of putting it.}{\f1\insrsid3804391\charrsid3804391  }{\f1\insrsid3804391 You make me sound like some sort of Peeping Tom.  }{\f1\insrsid15825165 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 Bridget, I put it to you that you *knew* perfectly well that Jeff and Stacy were having sex.  You didn\rquote t need to *see* }{\i\f1\insrsid4811885 I}{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 t}{\i\f1\insrsid4811885  to know it}{
\i\f1\insrsid15825165 .  All the signs were there }{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 which }{\i\f1\insrsid15825165 they couldn\rquote t hide or disguise from th
eir mother.  Yet I suspect you went to some lengths to set up a situation where if they were having sex they actually would have sex, and you were able to spy on them doing so without their knowledge.  Is that not so?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15825165 Yes.  }{\f1\insrsid3804391 Yes, it is.   I was worried about two of my children.  What they were getting up to together.  What\rquote s wrong with that?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3804391 Your attit}{\i\f1\insrsid16196767 ude and your body language are }{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 telling me that }{\i\f1\insrsid4539340 it\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid3804391  }{\i\f1\insrsid4539340 not}{\i\f1\insrsid3804391  that I\rquote 
m making you sound like a Peeping Tom}{\i\f1\insrsid4539340 .  I}{\i\f1\insrsid3804391 t\rquote s that you felt that way yourself at the time.  You were ashamed then, as }{\i\f1\insrsid1319531 you are }{\i\f1\insrsid3804391 
now, that you tricked Jeff and Stacy, and sneaked around deliberately so that you could spy on them.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12147294 No, I didn\rquote t feel good about it.  What\rquote s your point?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12147294 You didn\rquote t need to do it, and you didn\rquote t feel good about it.  So why did you do it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3804391  }{\f1\insrsid4539340 I d}{\f1\insrsid4539340\charrsid4539340 on\rquote t know what you\rquote re getting at.}{\f1\insrsid3804391\charrsid4539340  }{\f1\insrsid15825165 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4539340 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4539340 Do you have a brother, Bridget?
\par 
\par Bridget?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4539340 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4539340 Younger or older?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4539340 Both.  I had two brothers, and was in the middle.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4539340 Do I have to ask the obvious question?
\par 
\par Bridget?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13905330 Because I fooled around with my brothers you think I\rquote d encourage my own children to }{\f1\insrsid1319531 commit }{\f1\insrsid13905330 incest?}{\f1\insrsid4539340 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13905330 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13905330\charrsid13905330 Clearly your experience of incest w}{\i\f1\insrsid13905330 ith your own brothers is going to affect your view of the validity of the taboo, and whether or not it should be enforced
.  I suspect the reason you actually needed to watch Jeff and Stacy having sex was to ascertain whether or not Jeff was coercing Stacy or whether her participation was whole-hearted and voluntary.  This would suggest to me that your initial }{
\i\f1\insrsid1902047 experience of incest with your own brother or brothers was involuntary and therefore unpleasant, and that perhaps a part of you hoped your mother would realise what was going on and come to your \lquote rescue\rquote .  However as you
}{\i\f1\insrsid14046987  clearly}{\i\f1\insrsid1902047  didn\rquote t see the need to \lquote rescue\rquote  Stacy I would assume you decided she was not being coerced.}{\i\f1\insrsid13905330 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1902047 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1902047 Something like that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5256474 Jeff told me that when you effectively assented to his }{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 having sex}{\i\f1\insrsid5256474  with his little sister by issuing the condoms and warning him not to get her pregnant you did so because you didn
\rquote t want }{\i\f1\insrsid1319531 to ask }{\i\f1\insrsid5256474 him to make any promises he couldn\rquote t keep.  }{\i\f1\insrsid2177192 Did you really think your fourteen-year-old son had so little control over his base instincts that he wouldn
\rquote t be able to keep his hands off his little sister}{\i\f1\insrsid8089419  if you made a stand over it}{\i\f1\insrsid2177192 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid1902047 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8089419 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8089419 I suppose, if I\rquote d really talked to him about it\'85
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8089419 But you chose not to.  
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1386131 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1386131 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1386131 Bridget, I\rquote m still puzzled.  Please understand, you are not on trial here.  I have no problem with twelve-year-old girls having genuinely consensual sex.  Some girls are}{\i\f1\insrsid4811885  physi
cally and mentally ready to begin discovering}{\i\f1\insrsid1386131  sex at that age and to deny them it can cause problems later on}{\i\f1\insrsid4811885  arising from repression}{\i\f1\insrsid4549634  and}{\i\f1\insrsid1319531  instilled}{
\i\f1\insrsid4549634  guilt}{\i\f1\insrsid1386131 .  Nor do I have any problem with incest per se.  I do have to deal with the problems incest can cause 
when it collides with deeply held religious and/or moral views but the problem there is as much with the religion and morality as it is with the act of sex with a relative.  Some parents encourage their children to discover their sexuality with each other
 and, done wisely and lovingly, I believe this is an }{\i\f1\insrsid10513762 approach}{\i\f1\insrsid1386131  that has much }{\i\f1\insrsid6496606 in}{\i\f1\insrsid10513762  its}{\i\f1\insrsid6496606  favour}{\i\f1\insrsid1386131 .}{\i\f1\insrsid6496606 
  But I don\rquote t know where you\rquote re coming from.  If your }{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 own }{\i\f1\insrsid6496606 experience of sex with your brothers was simply harmless, enjoyable fun for a young girl within the safety an
d security of the family unit}{\i\f1\insrsid10513762  }{\i\f1\insrsid663904 I don\rquote t understand why you didn\rquote t just sit Jeff and Stacy down and say something like, \'93OK you guys, I know what\rquote s going on and I don\rquote 
t have a problem with it.  But for you}{\i\f1\insrsid9462971 r}{\i\f1\insrsid663904  sakes and mine we need a few rules}{\i\f1\insrsid9462971  to keep you safe.\'94
  On the other hand if your experience of sex with your brothers was unpleasant and abusive it would for you merely have confirmed the justification on the incest taboo in which case you would have acted to quash it for your children\rquote 
s sake for the same reason you would deny them drugs \endash  \'93OK you guys, I know it seems wonderful and appealing, but you\rquote re going to have to accept my ruling that it ain\rquote t good for you}{\i\f1\insrsid2040592  \lquote cos I know better}
{\i\f1\insrsid9462971 .\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid1386131 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 
\par Indeed, I find myself as bemused as Deirdre clearly was when she }{\i\f1\insrsid1319531 had to admit to herself}{\i\f1\insrsid1311404  what was going on between Jeff and Stacy.  \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid1311404\charrsid1311404 
And Mom, seemingly not noticing a thing! How could she miss it?}{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 \'94 she writes.  This, to me, is}{\i\f1\insrsid4811885  a}{\i\f1\insrsid1311404  purely rhetorical}{\i\f1\insrsid9590391  question}{\i\f1\insrsid1311404 .  Deirdre }{
\i\f1\insrsid4811885 knew you hadn\rquote t missed it because you couldn\rquote t miss it.  Yet why were you pretending to?  She couldn\rquote t understand.  This suggests to me }{\i\f1\insrsid2040592 
she would have expected you quite definitely not to approve, and as your eldest daughter I would have expected her views on sex to pretty much mirror yours.}{\i\f1\insrsid4811885 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2040592 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9590391 So why, Bridget?}{\i\f1\insrsid2040592 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9590391 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9590391 I\rquote d seen them.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9590391\charrsid9590391 Sorry?}{\i\f1\insrsid9590391 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9590391 I\rquote d seen Jeff and Stacy.  Together.  Making love.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9590391 I still don\rquote t understand.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9590391 No.  You wouldn\rquote t.  Stacy was a twelve-year-old girl.  Still a child, really.  Her breasts barely begun.  Just the first signs of her hair.  Pubic hair. 
 She was riding Jeff.  Straddling him.  Him inside her.  She was moving gently.  Drinking it in.  Like\'85  Oh, I don\rquote t know.  A connoisseur}{\f1\insrsid2441647 .  Her face\'85  A gentle smile, like the Mona Lisa.  Like she knew something\'85   }{
\f1\insrsid13247409 Even at that age s}{\f1\insrsid2441647 he was having sex like I knew I\rquote d never had it.  Like many women go a lifetime without having.}{\f1\insrsid9590391  
\par }{\f1\insrsid2441647 
\par You know what she does?  Yes, of course you do.  My daughter the porn star.  My friends who know\'85  How can I bear it, I see them wondering?  Being screwed by man after }{\f1\insrsid602988 strange }{\f1\insrsid2441647 man in front of cameras}{
\f1\insrsid13247409 , the crew and all the stage-hands}{\f1\insrsid2441647 , to be watched by tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands }{\f1\insrsid7093249 of}{\f1\insrsid2441647 
 sad little men masturbating to the sight of her.  How can I live with my daughter doing that?
\par 
\par I can live with my daughter doing that - I can love my daughter doing that \endash  because I saw her as a twelve-year-old girl screwing herself on her brother\rquote s prick and loving it, and loving him, and loving herself}{\f1\insrsid602988 
 loving it and loving him}{\f1\insrsid2441647 .  Can you understand that?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid602988 I\rquote m not sure I need to.  Your vehemence is sufficient to carry the day.  And don\rquote t forget, I\rquote ve met Stacy.  I can understand that in her case \lquote sex-goddess\rquote  isn\rquote t just publicist\rquote s hype.
}{\i\f1\insrsid2441647 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid602988 
\par }{\f1\insrsid602988 Some parents see, or think they see in their children a specia
l gift for tennis, or baseball, or maybe music, and encourage them with dreams of a Grand Slam, or the Superbowl, or Carnegie Hall.  I saw in my little girl a special gift for sex and, well, if she chose her brother to be her trainer }{\f1\insrsid5185216 
and guide }{\f1\insrsid602988 I sure as hell couldn\rquote t think of anyone }{\f1\insrsid7093249 I\rquote d rather }{\f1\insrsid4154236 have}{\f1\insrsid7093249  doing it.}{\f1\insrsid602988 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7093249 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7093249 A decision made easier because of your own experiences with your brothers?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7093249 Yes.  I could trust them.  Trust them not to go blabbing about me to }{\f1\insrsid13247409 their}{\f1\insrsid7093249  friends and }{\f1\insrsid13247409 mine}{\f1\insrsid7093249 .  Trust them to take a lot more c
are not to get me pregnant than they did their girlfriends sometimes.  Trust them to back off when I said \lquote no\rquote , because they knew they }{\f1\insrsid9985932 still }{\f1\insrsid7093249 
had to live under the same roof as me.  Trust them not to get too clingy and possessive, \lquote cos I was only their sister not their trophy.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13247409 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13247409 So why not Deirdre and Jeff?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13247409 Maybe because she was seventeen, nearly eighteen, and he was only }{\f1\insrsid5185216 fifteen}{\f1\insrsid4154236  when it might, perhaps, have happened}{\f1\insrsid13247409 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13247409 Maybe.  But Deirdre\rquote s story }{\i\f1\insrsid13107604 tells me she had strong views on incest.  Stacy agrees with me that her sister\rquote s, \'93How could you *do* that?\'94
 was an expression of disgust that Stacy was have sex with her brother, not just that she was having sex.  Where would she have picked up this abhorrence towards incest if not from you, Bridget?}{\i\f1\insrsid13247409 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13107604 
\par }{\f1\insrsid285864 I never talked to her about having sex with Jeff, one way or the other.   To her he was }{\f1\insrsid4346615 just her nuisance little brother, most of the time.  }{\f1\insrsid10236110  And anyway she was so sensible.  }{
\f1\insrsid4346615 The thought of them having sex was\'85 inconceivable.}{\f1\insrsid10236110   But even if they had, I wouldn\rquote t have interfered.}{\f1\insrsid13107604 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4346615 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4346615 How much younger than you was your little brother?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4346615 Nearly three years, but\'85  If my older brother hadn\rquote t\'85
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4346615 If I were to ask you \'93How could you *do* that\'94 with your little brother, what would you say?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6564415 Oh, it was kind\rquote a cute.  I mean, he was always that little bit grateful, \lquote cos I was older and }{\f1\insrsid13706347 boys do}{\f1\insrsid6564415 n\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid13706347 usually get to go with older girls.}{
\f1\insrsid4346615 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13706347 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13706347 Mom, \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid5185216 H}{\i\f1\insrsid13706347 ow}{\i\f1\insrsid9985932  could you *do* that\'94 with }{\i\f1\insrsid5185216 U}{\i\f1\insrsid9985932 ncle}{\i\f1\insrsid5185216  John\'94 or whoever}{\i\f1\insrsid13706347 ?
}{\i\f1\insrsid12872761   Can\rquote t you hear Deirdre asking that?}{\i\f1\insrsid13706347 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12872761 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12872761 That\rquote s not fair.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12872761 Bridget, it\rquote s at the heart of Deirdre\rquote s story.  Where the family configuration admits the possibility of sex between siblings \endash 
 usually where there is a brother or brothers a few years older that a sister or sisters - the parents are invariably aware of it as a possibil
ity and respond to it in some way.  Often it will involve the parents making the brother responsible in some way for the sister, trying to make incest a breach of trust}{\i\f1\insrsid12804056 
.  Parents with a neurosis about incest will usually try to repress all signs of sexuali
ty and if possible inculcate shame and guilt into any sexual awareness between siblings.  Enlightened parents will tread lightly, give a good theoretical grounding in sex just before it raises its head and if their kids practice and experiment on each oth
er, just make sure they don\rquote t get }{\i\f1\insrsid9985932 pregnant or too dependent}{\i\f1\insrsid5185216  on each other}{\i\f1\insrsid12804056 .
\par 
\par I\rquote m hearing from you that you were reasonably relaxed about it, that you took quite reasonable and }{\i\f1\insrsid10236110 laudable steps merely to ensure that Stacy wasn\rquote t being abused by her brother and 
that the relationship was genuinely consensual, that you committed incest with your own brothers and suffered no harm, that you were tempted to commit incest with your own son and were deterred far more by the complications this could cause to the family 
dynamic rather than any sense of wrongness or immorality, and would }{\i\f1\insrsid9985932 not }{\i\f1\insrsid10236110 have been }{\i\f1\insrsid9985932 unduly worried}{\i\f1\insrsid10236110  had Deirdre decided to have sex with Jeff.}{
\i\f1\insrsid12804056 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10236110 Yet }{\i\f1\insrsid12804056 Deidre\rquote s attitude even}{\i\f1\insrsid12804056\charrsid12804056  }{\i\f1\insrsid12804056 to simple sex, according to Stacy,}{\i\f1\insrsid12872761  }{\i\f1\insrsid12804056 
was repressive and shameful.  Her attitude to incest, revealed by the story, I would classify as neurotic.  Where did she get this from if not from you?  And if not from you why was she so shocked and dismayed at you}{\i\f1\insrsid9985932 r}{
\i\f1\insrsid12804056  apparent acceptance of it?  Her emphasis of it in the story reads almost as though she regards it as a betrayal.}{\i\f1\insrsid10236110   How could she be so different, both to you and to her sister?}{\i\f1\insrsid16257771   What }{
\i\f1\insrsid1866672 had }{\i\f1\insrsid16257771 happened to her?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9985932 
\par Bridget, what had happened to Deirdre that hadn\rquote t happened to Stacy?
\par 
\par Bridget?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16257771 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1866672 Her damn father happened to her.}{\f1\insrsid10236110 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1866672 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7364115 I had }{\i\f1\insrsid4154236 already }{\i\f1\insrsid7364115 begun to suspect something along those lines.  }{\i\f1\insrsid1866672 Bridget, if I\rquote m to understand why she}{\i\f1\insrsid10165745  might have thrown herself}{
\i\f1\insrsid1866672  }{\i\f1\insrsid7364115 off that balcony}{\i\f1\insrsid1866672  I need to know.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4602061 Isn\rquote t that enough?  Her dirty creep of a father happened to her and she couldn\rquote t live with the memory any more.  The piece of shit killed her as surely as he\rquote d pushed her }{\f1\insrsid5383210 of that balcony}{
\f1\insrsid4602061  himself.}{\f1\insrsid1866672 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14770174 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14770174 He abused her.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14770174 Yes, the worthless piece of shit.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 So }{\i\f1\insrsid5185216 did }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 you marr}{\i\f1\insrsid5185216 y}{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 
 this dirty creep because he was a worthless piece of shit?  Unusual choice, especially for a woman who is still very attractive and who, I understand from Stacy, was quite wealthy.}{\i\f1\insrsid14770174 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4417453 I didn\rquote t know it then, of course.  He was a dream.  All the girls at college fancied him.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 And}{\i\f1\insrsid5185216  you were flattered he chose you?}{\i\f1\insrsid4417453   Bridget, you are not a na\'efve woman.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4417453 Yeah I knew he\rquote d screwed around.  It was easy for him.  And yes, I was flattered he seemed to choose me, and a part of me knew he was attracted to my money.  But when I got pregnant\'85  And he promised to change\'85
  I guess I wanted to believe him too much.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 Pregnant with Deidre?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4417453 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 But he didn\rquote t change?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4417453 Oh, he was more discrete.  Tried to make me think I was special.  All the others were just flings.  It was just sex.  That he loved me.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4417453 And you kept on wanting to believe him?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4417453 Yes.  For Deirdre\rquote s sake}{\f1\insrsid16329766 , then Jeff\rquote s and Stacy\rquote s.  Kids need a father.  And he seemed to dote on them, and them on him.}{\f1\insrsid4417453 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16329766 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16329766 But in Deirdre\rquote s case is went beyond doting?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16329766 Apparently.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16329766 You don\rquote t know?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16329766 Yes I know, but I don\rquote t know\'85
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16329766 You don\rquote t know if you were right about it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid16329766 I\'85.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16329766 Bridget, }{\i\f1\insrsid12612834 the divorce wasn\rquote t about his adultery, was it?  You\rquote d been putting up with that for ten years because you had a home and your children and all was perfect sub
urbia on the surface.  The divorce was about Deirdre, wasn\rquote t it?}{\i\f1\insrsid16329766 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12612834 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12612834 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12612834 So what happened.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12612834 I caught them.  Deirdre and her father.  On her bed.  All I could see were her legs, sticking up beside his bare ass.  And her arms}{\f1\insrsid4403773 \'85}{\f1\insrsid12939686   holding him.}{\f1\insrsid12612834 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12612834 She was}{\i\f1\insrsid11631700  what,}{\i\f1\insrsid12612834  ten?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12612834 Ye}{\f1\insrsid4403773 s}{\f1\insrsid12612834 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12612834 You know penetration never occurred.  Deirdre was still intact when she died. 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 We know it now.  I didn\rquote t know it then.  But h}{\f1\insrsid12612834 e wasn\rquote t humping her.  Just holding himself and rubbing his prick against her.
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11631700 You said you caught them.  Does that mean you\rquote d been hunting them?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 I guess so.  Yes.  I\rquote d..  She doted on him, and him on her.  Sometimes it seemed\'85  I don\rquote t know.  Didn\rquote t seem natural.  But at other times\'85 it was just what it was supposed to be like.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11631700 And it held the family together?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 Yes, damn it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11631700 And things like Oscar?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 Oscar?  Oh, than damn bear.  Yes.  Frank brought it home for Dee one day, out of the blue.  He\rquote d won it in a draw.  She was eight.  Damn thing was almost as big as she was, but }{\f1\insrsid4403773 then, }{\f1\insrsid11631700 
she was so small.}{\f1\insrsid4403773   She wouldn\rquote t sleep anywhere without it, after that.}{\f1\insrsid11631700\charrsid11631700 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11631700 So what changed?  Why did you go hunting?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 Some pervert had exposed himself to Dee and some of her friends in the school-yard.  They were all interview}{\f1\insrsid4724948 ed}{\f1\insrsid11631700  by the police psychologist.  She told me that\'85  Deirdre had seemed\'85
  rather more familiar with male masturbation\'85 than a ten-year-old girl ought to be.}{\f1\insrsid11412986   And there were traces of semen on her clothes.  She\rquote d allowed him to get that close. And she tried to clean them off.  Pretended they
 weren\rquote t there, at first.}{\f1\insrsid11631700 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4403773 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4403773 And you couldn\rquote t ignore it any longer?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4403773 Ignore it?  Yeah, I guess so.  I guess I needed to know.  But when I saw them together\'85  She was so small.  Defenceless.  That ugly great prick looking like it was going to split her in half.  I just\'85 Saw red.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4724948 You were violent?  A tigress defending her cubs?}{\i\f1\insrsid4403773 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4724948 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4724948 I\'85 laid into him, yes.  I remember him lying beside the bed, naked, and I was kicking him and screaming at him\'85
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4724948 And Deirdre?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4724948 She was just lying there}{\f1\insrsid15747273  on the bed}{\f1\insrsid4724948 .  Hadn\rquote t moved, poor kid.  White as a sheet.  Great big eyes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4724948 Do you remember mentioning the school-yard pervert?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4724948 What?  }{\f1\insrsid4724948\charrsid4724948 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11631700 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747273 Do you remember mentioning anything about the school-yard pervert when you were laying into him?  Comparing him with him, perhaps?}{\i\f1\insrsid11631700 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747273 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15747273 Hell, I don\rquote t remember.  Yes, I think maybe I did.  Something about making his own daughter }{\f1\insrsid12280057 want to play }{\f1\insrsid12939686 the games of}{\f1\insrsid15747273  scum like that, perhaps.  Why?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747273 I expect it was partly behind your anger.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15747273 Jesus, do you think I needed anything other than sight of my ten-year-old daughter naked on her back beneath her father?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747273 I don\rquote t know.  How old were you when it first happened to you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15747273 What?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15747273 Bridget, you\rquote re not a fool.  Neither am I.
\par 
\par Bridget?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3041772 Is it so obvious?}{\f1\insrsid15747273 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3041772 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 Only to middle-aged world-weary psychologists.  I know the signs because I\rquote ve seen it all before.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3041772 Signs?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 You }{\i\f1\insrsid2191608 clearly }{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 draw a much }{\i\f1\insrsid2191608 wid}{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 er distinction than most people between father}{\i\f1\insrsid2191608  / daughter and brother / }{
\i\f1\insrsid3041772 sister incest.  Your own incest with your brothers clearly had no adverse effect on you \endash  you even enjoyed it, would be my assessment.  You remember it fondly as a time of special closeness and security}{\i\f1\insrsid5450540 
 and were happy that Jeff and Stacy were experiencing something similar}{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 .  Yet you were also uncomfortable about incest and tried to shy away from it when I mentioned it.  You didn\rquote t want to }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 *}{
\i\f1\insrsid3041772 know}{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 *}{\i\f1\insrsid3041772  what was happening between Deirdre and her father as your knowing }{\i\f1\insrsid5185997 of it }{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 threatened the family unity}{\i\f1\insrsid5185997 
 more than the abuse itself a}{\i\f1\insrsid2191608 t that stage}{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid12939686  for you }{\i\f1\insrsid2191608 also }{\i\f1\insrsid12939686 
had the option of accepting it as an extension of a loving relationship between Deirdre and her father just as your sleeping with Jeff would have been, }{\i\f1\insrsid5185997 
and when it was forced on you your response was destructive and a loss of control}{\i\f1\insrsid12939686  rather than thoughtful, measured and constructive}{\i\f1\insrsid5185997 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid10370158 It all suggested to me that }{
\i\f1\insrsid2191608 you saw father /}{\i\f1\insrsid5450540  daughter incest as something very different indeed from brother }{\i\f1\insrsid2191608 /}{\i\f1\insrsid5450540  sister incest.}{\i\f1\insrsid12939686 
  But this is what Deidre picked up from you as applying to all incest and so was not only appalled }{\i\f1\insrsid4747294 to discover}{\i\f1\insrsid12939686  Jeff and Stacy doing}{\i\f1\insrsid4747294  *it*}{\i\f1\insrsid12939686 
, but was confused by your acceptance of it}{\i\f1\insrsid2191608  and indeed your own desire for Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid12939686 .}{\i\f1\insrsid3041772 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5450540 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8156074 But it is different, isn\rquote t it?  I mean, brothers and sisters are }{\f1\insrsid6297674 at least }{\f1\insrsid8156074 kind of equals}{\f1\insrsid6297674 , and girls have some chance to appeal to their mothers for protection}{
\f1\insrsid2191608  from their brothers}{\f1\insrsid6297674 , }{\f1\insrsid8156074  but a father and daughter?   What chance has she}{\f1\insrsid6297674  then}{\f1\insrsid8156074 ?}{\f1\insrsid6297674   She often can\rquote 
t be sure her mother will choose to support her against her own husband.}{\f1\insrsid5450540 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5450540 Yes it is}{\i\f1\insrsid8156074  different}{\i\f1\insrsid5450540 , but not necessarily in a detrimental or harmful way as I would guess it was with you. }{\i\f1\insrsid8156074 
 As a girl grows into her sexuality she is bound to become aware of it and measure it}{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 s}{\i\f1\insrsid8156074  affects }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 on }{\i\f1\insrsid8156074 her father\rquote 
 maleness for he is the male in closest proximity to her}{\i\f1\insrsid4747294  holding the greatest power}{\i\f1\insrsid8156074 
.  Too, he should be the male she should be able to trust most of all not to hurt or, indeed, to abuse her but instead to introduce and teach her about this vast and complex world of sex with her best interests at heart.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8156074 You sound as though you think all fathers\'85.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8156074 No.  I don\rquote t.  For the simple reason that far too many fathers }{\i\f1\insrsid4527681 today }{\i\f1\insrsid8156074 would not know when or how to let go.  Their role should be to prepare their daughters}{\i\f1\insrsid4527681 
 and then let them go, mature, skilled and confident in their sexuality, but when that time comes it is hard for a man to give up a young, lithe, beautiful \endash  as all fathers think their daughters are even if they aren\rquote t \endash 
 and usually willing sex partner, and this is what can do the damage}{\i\f1\insrsid4606220 . }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674  And what I fear would }{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 almost certainly }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 have been the case with Deirdre and her father.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid4606220  This is where the mother has a vital role in monitoring the whole relationship and can make sure the father does not become too \lquote intense\rquote 
 with the daughter but allows her sufficient freedom to spread her wings within the relationship, and fly away when she\rquote s ready.  Similarly the father should be able to supervise his wife\rquote 
s sexual education of their son while ensuring that the boy does not become too fixated on her, or perhaps too }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 sexually }{\i\f1\insrsid4606220 
confident too quickly.  I suspect it happens in far more families than anyone suspects and historically it has sometimes been the norm,  but our current society\rquote s socio-religious taboo on incest effective
ly isolates every family and provides no guidance nor support}{\i\f1\insrsid4747294 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid4606220  }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 
making it extraordinarily difficult for any family to bring off successfully.  As a consequence the results where it is attempted are all to often disastrous, which appears to feed back into the justification for the taboo in the first place.}{
\i\f1\insrsid8156074 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6297674 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4747294 I\rquote m afraid that sounds too radical for me.}{\f1\insrsid8156074 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4747294 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 As}{\i\f1\insrsid4747294  would many things }{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 be which are }{\i\f1\insrsid4747294 accepted as the norm in other societies.  Human sacrifice, sacred prostitution, Pharaoh\rquote 
s marrying their sisters, slavery, gladiatorial combat to the death, celibacy. Would you be happy to be a man\rquote s third wife, and live with the other two?}{\i\f1\insrsid6903413 
 Many societies would, and some still do, regard the nuclear family as a radical departure from the norm.  All morality is relative, particularly the morality of incest.  So how old were you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6903413 Fourteen.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5450540 I\rquote m surprised}{\i\f1\insrsid6903413 .  When it\rquote s pre-pubescent the primary motive is lust, usually at odds with love as in the case of Deirdre and her father.  When it starts after puberty it is more likely to be an ex
pression of genuine love, although not always of course. }{\i\f1\insrsid5450540 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6903413 Not in my case.  }{\f1\insrsid3554763 He}{\f1\insrsid5450540  found me in bed with my older brother.  As I was such a slut, he said, as to like having sex with my brother he was sure I\rquote 
d have no objection to having sex with him.  He just used me.  He used to like watching my brothers do me, too.  They..  They didn\rquote t realise.  They thought I enjoyed it.  The three of them.  }{\f1\insrsid3554763 I had to pretend\'85  
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3554763 Because if you didn\rquote t they\rquote d }{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 turn against}{\i\f1\insrsid3554763  their father}{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 , doing serious damage to the family dynamic}{\i\f1\insrsid3554763 ?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3554763 I guess so.  I just knew\'85  I\rquote d have to put up with it for their sakes}{\f1\insrsid11412986 , and Mom\rquote s}{\f1\insrsid3554763 .}{\f1\insrsid11412986    She loved Dad.   Had she known, it would have destroyed her.}{
\f1\insrsid3554763 
\par }{\f1\insrsid11412986 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 I suspect she did, but was taken in }{\i\f1\insrsid14555342 b}{\i\f1\insrsid11412986 y your pretence, too.}{\i\f1\insrsid14555342   You didn\rquote 
t love your father enough to accept it, perhaps as wrong but understandable weakness on his part and forgivable?}{\i\f1\insrsid11412986\charrsid11412986 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3554763 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12866889 N}{\f1\insrsid3554763 o, I never really loved him.  I tried for Mom\rquote s sake, but I couldn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3554763 So you projected your revulsion at having to pretend to enjoy having sex with }{\i\f1\insrsid14555342 your father}{\i\f1\insrsid3554763  onto the relationship between Deirdre and her father.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12280057 
\par }{\f1\insrsid12280057 I didn\rquote t need to project anything.  She was a ten-year-old girl, for Christ\rquote s sake.  A child.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13139523 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13139523 So you threw him out?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13139523 Hell yes.  Out of the house and my life.  Told him if he didn\rquote t agree to the divorce I\rquote d tell the police what I\rquote d just seen.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13139523\charrsid13139523 How did Deirdre take it?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11016448 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10161841 She didn\rquote t speak for days.  Just moved around and did\'85 you know, the ordinary things.  I tried taking her to our doctor to see\'85 if he\rquote d damaged her, but she wouldn\rquote t 
let herself be examined.  Just downright refused.  He referred me to a woman doctor, but she was a stranger and Deirdre\'85 just said no.  But she seemed to get over it.  Come back to herself.  I tried to get her to talk about it but she wouldn\rquote 
t.  If he sent her gifts I let her have them\'85  well, the ones for her birthday, anyway.  And Christmas.  Couldn\rquote t withhold those.  But others I just threw out.  I couldn\rquote t stop him getting access rights \endash  not without saying why 
\endash  but we moved away, as far as we could get from him, and I always made sure I was there if they did meet.}{\f1\insrsid11016448 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10161841 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10161841 How was Deirdre on those occasions?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10161841 Very quiet.  Answer if she was spoken to.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10161841 Frightened?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10161841 No.  I wouldn\rquote t say so.  She was just\'85 kind\rquote a polite, like he was a stranger she was wary of.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10161841 Without the physical examination I would guess you assumed penetration had occurred, and that she didn\rquote t want anyone else to know.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10161841\charrsid10161841 Yes, I did.}{\f1\insrsid10161841 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13057504 She didn\rquote t want anyone to know because her father had told her no-one was to know he had been inside her?}{\i\f1\insrsid10161841 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13057504 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13057504 I guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13057504 Didn\rquote t that loyalty to her father worry you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13057504 They were close.  That is, they had been.  And she took things like loyalty, keeping secrets, very seriously.  She\rquote d always been that kind of girl.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13057504 Perhaps she\rquote d been turned into that kind of girl.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13057504 Yes, I suppose so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13057504 Could you ever get her to talk about it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13057504 No.  I tried, but it was clear she didn\rquote t want to.  I did take her to a therapist when she was fourteen and, well, you know, not a child any more.  She said Deirdre hadn\rquote t been very forthcoming but that }{
\f1\insrsid6903413 she didn\rquote t think any}{\f1\insrsid13057504 
 real damage had been done.  That it had been like a frightening game for her which she knew was behind her, that she might find it a little difficult to find her feet sexually and that she\rquote d probably be shy of boys, of men, fo
r a while, but when she found the right one she\rquote d work it out.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15927248 So you weren\rquote t worried when she didn\rquote t bring boyfriends home?  That in fact you didn\rquote t have to worry about her getting pregnant?}{\i\f1\insrsid13057504 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15927248 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13451977 A bit, but she was studious and very intelligent.  The sort of girl that finds it hard to find a like-minded boy}{\f1\insrsid6903413  anyway}{\f1\insrsid13451977 .}{\f1\insrsid15927248 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13451977 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 You did talk to her about sex?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13451977 Yes, of course.  That she had the right to decided who she had sex with and when, and that she shouldn\rquote t have sex before she had decided for herself that she wanted to.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 And incest?  Did you talk to her about that?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13451977 Not\'85 incest.  But that her father had}{\f1\insrsid11498943  used her, }{\f1\insrsid13451977  taken advantage of her.  That it hadn\rquote t been her fault.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 When you decided not to interfere with Jeff and Stacy\rquote s sex, did you take Deirdre into the equation?  Wonder how she would react if she found out?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13451977 Yes.  Of course.  But Deirdre was in her last year at High School and working hard for her exams, and Jeff and Stacy were being\'85 discrete.  And it was only a few months before she was off to college.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 Having read }{\i\f1\insrsid14555342 Deirdre\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 story, is that the way you would have expected her to react?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13571234 Yes.  She wouldn\rquote t have been happy that Jeff and Stacy were\'85 having sex. She was a bit\'85 prim and proper}{\f1\insrsid7742202  in that regard}{\f1\insrsid13571234 .  But if she\rquote d come to me\'85  I don\rquote 
t know.  Maybe it would have given me the opportunity to sit down with her and \'85 put sex into proportion.  I knew she had kind\rquote a \lquote elevated\rquote  it \endash  that she was looking for it to be a bit \lquote Romeo and Juliet\rquote 
 rather than, well, earthy fun.  Before she left for college I gave her the \lquote complete woman\rquote s guide\rquote  to contraception and STDs.  She can\rquote t have been in any doubt that I was giving her the green light if she needed it.}{
\i\f1\insrsid13451977  }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977\charrsid13451977 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13571234 So when Jeff appeared in her bedroom, naked and erect }{\i\f1\insrsid14961701 immediately }{\i\f1\insrsid13571234 after her sister had ch
allenged her to think about having sex with him what, before you read her story, would you have expected her reaction to be?}{\i\f1\insrsid13451977 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13571234 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13571234 Tell him to get out.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13571234 But she didn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13571234 No.  }{\f1\insrsid7742202 But she didn\rquote t encourage him, either.}{\f1\insrsid13571234 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 True.  It reads to me as if she was paralysed with indecision.}{\i\f1\insrsid7742202\charrsid7742202 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3554763 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 I guess so.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 Was she often paralysed with indecision?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 No.  But\'85  I\rquote d say she was tempted, but her conscience was telling her that she shouldn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 So she left it up to Jeff to make the decision.  She wouldn\rquote t encourage her}{\i\f1\insrsid3554763  }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 brother to have intercourse with her, but wouldn\rquote t stop him either.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 I suppose.  Something like that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 How do you think she would have felt the next morning had Jeff }{\i\f1\insrsid14555342 had sex with}{\i\f1\insrsid7742202  her?  Would she have been able to look you in the face?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 I don\rquote t know.  I really don\rquote t know.  She was almost nineteen.  A young woman.  She didn\rquote t have to apologise to me for having sex.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 With her own brother?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5450540  }{\f1\insrsid7742202 I don\rquote t think she would have wanted me to know, if that\rquote s what you\rquote re getting at.}{\f1\insrsid5450540 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 I suppose it is.  There were things she would still have kept from you.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7742202 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10093154 Do you remember the night she writes about?}{\i\f1\insrsid7742202 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10093154 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10093154 I remember her visit.  I knew she was\'85  unhappy.  But I put that down to all the changes.  New to college, that kind of thing.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10093154 Back in her old bedroom?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid10093154 I did wonder about that.  All the memories.  I asked her if she wanted to go back into it or take another one, although that would have meant shifting one of the others.  She said it was OK.  I did notice she\rquote 
d dug out the bear \endash  Oscar \endash  and her old counterpane.  And her old books and pictures.  But she was just launching out into the world for the first time.  It\rquote s natural that you\rquote d want to remind yourself of where you were }{
\f1\insrsid9709292 leaving}{\f1\insrsid10093154 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10093154 Yes, it is.  }{\i\f1\insrsid13705870 Did you know, or think, }{\i\f1\insrsid10093154  she had become aware of Jeff and Stacy\rquote s incest?
\par }\pard \ql \li720\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin720\itap0\pararsid8877502 {\i\f1\insrsid10093154 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8877502 {\f1\insrsid10093154 No.
\par }{\f1\insrsid13705870 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13705870 Never?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13705870 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13705870 Stacy told me that in her view their relationship changed after this encounter and that she wasn\rquote t \lquote little sister\rquote  to Deirdre\rquote s \lquote big sister\rquote  any more.  You didn\rquote t notice that?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13705870 I did notice a change,  but put it down to Deirdre\rquote s leaving home, and Stacy\rquote s growing up.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3357364 What about the tensions in Jeff\rquote s marriage Deirdre seems to have been aware of, and done little to avoid being the cause of?}{\i\f1\insrsid13705870 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3357364 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3357364 I didn\rquote t know.  I did know there were tensions, but not that Deirdre was behind them.  }{\f1\insrsid14764449 There are tensions in every marriage.  }{\f1\insrsid3357364 
They never raised them with me and, well, it was their marriage so I kept out of it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3357364 Did you know Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid14961701  is}{\i\f1\insrsid3357364  still screwing Stacy?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3357364 You don\rquote t beat about the bush.  Yes, I k}{\f1\insrsid14555342 no}{\f1\insrsid3357364 w he }{\f1\insrsid14961701 i}{\f1\insrsid3357364 s still seeing her.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3357364 What did you think of that?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3357364 Is this relevant?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3357364 We have not so much a love triangle here as a love quadrangle.  That makes it even harder to weigh what had been influencing who.  }{\i\f1\insrsid14961701 Perhaps you alone were aware of all four sides and your}{
\i\f1\insrsid14764449  view of }{\i\f1\insrsid14961701 them}{\i\f1\insrsid14764449  was probably that of the closest outsider, and is therefore important.}{\i\f1\insrsid10093154 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14764449 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14764449 I see.  OK, I was glad of it.  In her\'85  line of work, I felt that she needed someone rock-steady to rely on.  Emotionally.  And objective.  With nothing to consider but her best interests and well-being.  I\rquote 
ve done my best, but I can\rquote t think of anyone better than Jeff for that.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14764449 Did you get along with Jeff\rquote s wife?  Penelope, isn\rquote t it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14764449 Yes.  Nice enough girl, clearly devoted to him.  Good mother.  I can\rquote t say we get on well, but how many wives do with their mother-in-laws?
\par }{\f1\insrsid14961701 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14961701 Stacy remarked that Penelope resembles her in some ways.  Do you think that, ah, significant?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14961701 She\rquote s tall and blond.  In everything else she\rquote s Stacy\rquote s opposite.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14961701 Frigid?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14961701 No.   Well, I don\rquote t think so.  Hell, I\rquote ve never discussed Jeff\rquote s sex-life in his marriage with him.  She just comes across as a bit prim and proper.  }{\f1\insrsid14555342  More like Deirdre, actually. }{
\f1\insrsid14961701 Very correct.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14961701 Doesn\rquote t mean she\rquote s like that in bed.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14961701 True, but I really don\rquote t know.}{\f1\insrsid14961701\charrsid14961701 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14764449 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14764449 Did she ever sound you out on Jeff\rquote s relationship with his sisters?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14764449 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 Had it come right down to the wire and Jeff had to choose one, do you think Jeff would have committed himself to Stacy, Deirdre or his wife.}{\i\f1\insrsid14764449 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15285482 Penny, his wife.  For the children}{\f1\insrsid14241714 \rquote s sake if nothing else}{\f1\insrsid15285482 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 And between Stacy and Deirdre.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15285482 Deirdre.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 Why?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15285482 It might seem strange given their choices of career, but Deirdre was the more vulnerable.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 No, I can understand that.  Do you think Deirdre killed herself?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15285482 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 Accident wouldn\rquote t be totally impossible, but highly unlikely.  She wasn\rquote t drunk or on any drugs, and a thirty-six inch high railing is hard to trip over}{\i\f1\insrsid4668459 , especially when you\rquote 
re only five foot two}{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 .  If Jeff and/or Stacy didn\rquote t push her, who did?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15285482 I don\rquote t know.  Just an ordinary burglar?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 Possibly, though there was no evidence of a break-in or any disturbance at the apartment.  Nor of anything taken.  }{\i\f1\insrsid10160183 
If there was any other person there she let them in, which brings us back to Jeff or Stacy, or both of them.}{\i\f1\insrsid4668459 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10160183 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4668459 No.  I can\rquote t believe that.  Not }{\f1\insrsid10160183 their}{\f1\insrsid4668459  own sister.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4668459 Not even to protect }{\i\f1\insrsid10160183 Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid4668459 \rquote s marriage?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4668459 No.  I won\rquote t believe it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4668459 Then we\rquote re back with suicide as the likely verdict.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4668459 No\'85   She\'85  She would not have done that.  }{\f1\insrsid14241714 She never gave up on anything.  I know she wasn\rquote t happy.  Had the depressions.  And the memories of her father\'85  I know if it hadn\rquote 
t been for him she\rquote d have been married, had children, and wouldn\rquote t have been up in the apartment on her own.  So it wouldn\rquote t have happened.  }{\f1\insrsid10160183  Couldn\rquote t have.}{\f1\insrsid14241714  }{\f1\insrsid14555342 
He ruined her life, and I let it happen.  I should have put a stop to it years earlier.  }{\f1\insrsid14241714 I tried}{\f1\insrsid14555342  to get her to talk about it}{\f1\insrsid14241714  but she\rquote d never open up to me.  Not completely.  But I
\rquote m sure there wasn\rquote t anything so bad\'85 that it would make her do that.}{\f1\insrsid4668459 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14241714 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14241714 Thank you.  You\rquote ve been most helpful.  Is there anything else you think might help me?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14241714 No.  I can\rquote t think of anything.   Have you reached\'85  any conclusion?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14241714 Not yet.  I\rquote m going to have to give this some careful thought.  Allow me to show you out.}{\i\f1\insrsid4668459\charrsid4668459 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15285482 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15086585\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid10033091 {\*\bkmkstart psych}{\*\bkmkend psych}Analysis}{\f1\ul\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9261268\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 I have been asked to advise the }{\i\f1\insrsid938451\charrsid7239019 Police}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 
 as to the possible state of mind of the deceased Miss Deirdre Bartlett at the time of her death following a fall from a }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 balcony}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019  of her }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 four}{
\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 th-floor apartment, with particular reference}{\i\f1\insrsid14555342  as}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019  to whether or not this fall could have resulted purely from Miss Bartlett\rquote 
s own deliberate and conscious actions.
\par 
\par At the time of her death Dierdre was 29-years-old, unmarried and by all accounts a successful businesswoman.  There appears to be no suggestion of any \'93business trouble\'94 that might account for her action, if it was deliberate, no}{
\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 r}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019  have the police discovered any social or personal problems to which it might have been attributable.}{\i\f1\insrsid12848199\charrsid7239019 
  There is no evidence in her apartment of any intruder or struggle and no signs of violence were found on her body.  She was in excellent health but, it has been }{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 ascertained}{\i\f1\insrsid12848199\charrsid7239019 , 
}{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 had been }{\i\f1\insrsid12848199\charrsid7239019 undergoing irregular therapy for }{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 mon}{\i\f1\insrsid938451\charrsid7239019 o}{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 -polar }{
\i\f1\insrsid12848199\charrsid7239019 depression.  The only }{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 remarkable}{\i\f1\insrsid12848199\charrsid7239019  medical feature was the presence of an unusually robust and
 intact cribriform hymen indicating that she never experienced vaginal penetration.  While easily treatable by hymenotomy this condition would have made the initial introduction of any object into the vagina }{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 
difficult and painful}{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 , with probable bleeding}{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 .  It is likely that several such penetrations would have been necessary to successfully create an aperture through which int}{
\i\f1\insrsid10033091 romission}{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019  by an erect penis would }{\i\f1\insrsid938451\charrsid7239019 thereafter }{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 have been easy and comfortable for both parties.}{
\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12468409 My attention has been drawn to a}{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019  word-processed }{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 text }{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 file on the hard-drive of the }{\i\f1\insrsid10033091 
deceased\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 desk-top computer}{\i\f1\insrsid12468409  which the system\rquote s logs reveal had been created more than a year earlier and frequently accessed with many minor editions}{
\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 .  Although set in fictional form it appeared to refer to actual members of Deirdre\rquote 
s own family and in particular accused her siblings of having engaged in an incestuous relationship.  As those siblings were themselves now engaged in successful careers }{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 or marriage }{
\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 which were potentially threatened by disclosures or even allegations of }{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 
having engaged in incest as children or subsequently, it was considered necessary to ascertain if there was a possibility if either, or perhaps both, had felt sufficiently threatened to consider silencing the source.}{\i\f1\insrsid8790730\charrsid7239019 

\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 
\par However it must be emphasised that the police investigation never seriously pursued this line of }{\i\f1\insrsid10033091 enquiry}{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 
 and it is my professional opinion that there is no question whatever that either of Deirdre\rquote s brother or sister could or would ever have considered harming her.
\par 
\par In order to pursue the matters alleged in the document}{\i\f1\insrsid9178511\charrsid7239019  I conducted interviews with the parties named in it, being Deirdre\rquote 
s younger brother Jeff and her younger sister Stacy.  There were no other siblings.  I also interviewed the parties\rquote  mother, }{\i\f1\insrsid12468409 Bridget}{\i\f1\insrsid9178511\charrsid7239019 .  The fa
ther is deceased.  In the light of the matters suggested by the document I obtained an assurance from the authorities that no prosecution would be taken against either Jeff or Stacy resulting from any admission by them of any act amounting to criminal inc
est either with each other or Deirdre up to and including the present time.   Further and in the light of the matters discussed in this report I must insist that it regarded a privileged communication the circulation of which is to be severely restricted.
}{\i\f1\insrsid3949067\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9178511\charrsid7239019 
\par The document referred to above, entitled \'93Brother, by Deirdre\'94 is annexed to this report as attachment 1}{\i\f1\insrsid10054651\charrsid7239019  and is therefore included in the shelter of privilege referred to previously.}{\i\f1\insrsid10054651 

\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8400721 
\par We will never know when Deirdre\rquote s father began grooming her for sex but extrapolating from Bridget\rquote 
s description of an experienced and successful sexual predator it is unlikely to have been before Deirdre began exhibiting signs of sexual awareness, most likely sometime after she was five as he had clearly not attempted anything with Stacy a}{
\i\f1\insrsid14907460 lthough}{\i\f1\insrsid8400721  she was this age when the family break-up put her beyond his reach.  However it was almost certainly before she was eight as the bear Oscar was }{\i\f1\insrsid10033091 most likely}{\i\f1\insrsid8400721 
 a gift to her following an unsuccessful and, for her,  painful attempt at penetration.
\par 
\par In this respect he was not a paedophile in the truest sense as this implies a childlike innocence as to sexuality in the victim}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460  }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 both }{\i\f1\insrsid14907460 as to himself or herself and the abuser}{
\i\f1\insrsid8400721 .  Able to satisfy his sexual needs with his wife or other women }{\i\f1\insrsid10183542 Deirdre\rquote s father would not have been sexually interested in his daughters as \lquote children\rquote 
, but once they became aware of their }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 own }{\i\f1\insrsid10183542 sexuality as females and his sexuality as male, he would have responded by wishing to play on it, exploit it and}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460  \lquote conquer\rquote }{
\i\f1\insrsid10183542  it}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460  much as a mountaineer desires conquer a mountain \lquote just because it is there\rquote .}{\i\f1\insrsid8400721 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10183542 
\par If typical, as I suspect he was, he would have embarked upon the seduction of his elder daughter as perhaps the ultimate challenge to his own sexual
ity.  The ultimate rationale and function of sexuality, of course, is to impregnate or be impregnated but for the successful sexual predator, who often comes to find it too easy to succeed in this, it can become the case that the hunt is as stimulating an
d pleasurable as the \lquote kill\rquote  \endash  the seduction more of a challenge and therefore }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 as}{\i\f1\insrsid10183542  rewarding that the consummation}{\i\f1\insrsid1771766  if not more so}{\i\f1\insrsid10183542 
.  This is clearly the reason }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 most }{\i\f1\insrsid10183542 women}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460  and successful males}{\i\f1\insrsid10183542  find the \lquote wining and dining\rquote  of a seduction as important as the conclusion in bed}{
\i\f1\insrsid14907460 .}{\i\f1\insrsid10183542 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14907460 
\par So, perhaps when she was as young as six, Deirdre\rquote s father embarked upon her seduction }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 quite deliberately }{\i\f1\insrsid14907460 as the ultimate quarry - his own daughter \endash  in the face of the hardest of conditions 
\endash  the disapproval of society}{\i\f1\insrsid4074500 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460  }{\i\f1\insrsid4074500 both in itself and which his daughter herself would undoubtedly become aware of as her knowledge of the world widened and deepened, }{
\i\f1\insrsid14907460 and the undoubtedly hostile presence of the }{\i\f1\insrsid10033091 girl}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460 \rquote s mother \endash  and aware that the hunt would likely take as long as six or seven years before its 
conclusion with a myriad opportunities for a miscalculation or misstep along the way.}{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 
  It may be likened in many ways to the desire of every driven mountaineer to attempt the ascent of Mt. Everest after years of training, planning and preparation, }{\i\f1\insrsid16611872 simply}{\i\f1\insrsid1771766  because it is the ultimate challenge.}
{\i\f1\insrsid14907460 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 In the end}{\i\f1\insrsid14907460  we know he was unsuccessful.  The child\rquote s mother was alerted and came to Deirdre\rquote s \lquote rescue\rquote .  What needs to be recognised is that up until that point her father\rquote 
s campaign of seduction had been so successful that }{\i\f1\insrsid4074500 Deirdre almost certainly did not regard herself as being in need of rescue from anything, and in fact }{\i\f1\insrsid12468409 very likely }{\i\f1\insrsid4074500 regarded her 
\lquote rescue\rquote  by her mother as something else entirely.
\par 
\par It can only be speculation, but I think it likely that the bricks of the relationship }{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 will have}{\i\f1\insrsid4074500  been placed slowly, carefully and with great forethought and planning.  There will have been no clear \lquote 
beginning\rquote , just a gradual progression from innocent touching and the playing of innocent secret games, to genital fondling, nak
edness and a far, far greater secret to be maintained.  Too he will have been exquisitely careful not to push it too far or too fast, making nothing of his penis at first and only slowly bringing her attention to its importance to him, and her power with 
respect to it.  It is possible to imagine perhaps two years elapsing since the \lquote seduction\rquote  began before any attempt at full penetration }{\i\f1\insrsid16477509 
was made, and that only after he had made Deidre fully aware of the place and importance of intercourse in a \lquote close\rquote 
 and loving relationship.  Indeed it is likely he only attempted penetration with her full consent and, defeated by her unusually stout hymen, the bear Oscar was her reward for}{\i\f1\insrsid1771766  at least having}{\i\f1\insrsid16477509  giv}{
\i\f1\insrsid1771766 en}{\i\f1\insrsid16477509  that consent.}{\i\f1\insrsid4074500 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16477509 
\par So the game continued for another two years, probably with }{\i\f1\insrsid12468409 few and only}{\i\f1\insrsid16611872  half-determined }{\i\f1\insrsid16477509 further attempts at penetration \lquote until she was older\rquote 
.  Yet the man would have been \lquote putty in the hands\rquote  of the nine and ten year old girl as she masturbate}{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 d him and revelled in her power}{\i\f1\insrsid16477509  for he would have been
 careful to have always sought her consent to doing it}{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid16477509  never push}{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid16477509 
 her to it and thereby demonstrated how powerless she in fact was.  He would have served her, too, touching, stroking and playing with her as though intent only on giving her pleasure rather than using her to pleasure himself.}{\i\f1\insrsid1771766 
  Undoubted, too, following that first unsuccessful attempt at penetration, will have been the emphasis the father with have given to his }{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 daughter\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid1771766  virginity}{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 
, linking it to the pain she experienced as he tried to ent
er her as an inevitable price to be paid for the gift, with the implication that as the cost to her was high so should the value of her virginity be, and not therefore to be lightly given away or squandered.}{\i\f1\insrsid16477509 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 
\par And of course, at that stage in her life what other man could the little girl conceive of as a fitting recipient of that great gift of her virginity than her father, for what other man did she know?
\par 
\par Thus almost certainly did Deirdre promise the gift of her virginity to her father, a gift he readily accepted yet in a sense made even more precious by saying to her, \'93only when *you* are ready to surrender it,\'94
 and so surrendered even more power to her within the relationship.
\par 
\par Perhaps they did make occasional attempts with her consent, but were beaten by her stout hymen.  It is in my mind unquestionable that the man did love the little girl in his fashion}{\i\f1\insrsid6364856 
, perhaps love her even more for her consent, and for this reason did not persist in the face of the pain those attempts would have caused her.  Perhaps t
oo, though, he feared the pain of penetration if he forced himself into her would imperil the precarious relationship, changing the little girl\rquote 
s perception of him for the worse.  Perhaps, too, he was perceptive enough to realise that the eight, nine, ten-year-old girl who has been penetrated by a man}{\i\f1\insrsid12468409  and thus}{\i\f1\insrsid6364856 
 already experienced the womanhood of intercourse and impregnation, is unable to prevent herself giving those little, subtle signs that she is sexually older than her years}{\i\f1\insrsid7698185 .}{\i\f1\insrsid15423884 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7698185 
\par Then came the disaster of their discovery by the mother.  In a few seconds of rage Deidre\rquote 
s secret life was destroyed.  Worse if, as she believes she did, the mother made reference in her fury to the school-yard incident it will have been apparent to the young Deirdre that it was her inadvertent act that had brought }{\i\f1\insrsid16611872 
the discovery about}{\i\f1\insrsid7698185 .  She was responsible for the disaster and the expulsion of her father from her life.  
\par 
\par Her paralysis of confusion is understandable is she sought to make sense of it.  Her father had done nothing to her she had not consented to.  She had enjoyed masturbating him, making her loved father feel good. }{\i\f1\insrsid9715484 
 His hands on her body had felt good to her, and done no harm.  }{\i\f1\insrsid7698185  He had always withdrawn, denying himself, rather than cause her pain.  }{\i\f1\insrsid9715484 He had told her ove
r and over that others, even her mother, would not understand, and he had been proved right.  Her mother spoke of abuse, of a misuse of power but she could see no abuse and it had seemed all the power had been hers.  Her mother told her that she had the r
ight to consent to having sex when and with whom she chose, but she had already chosen.  }{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14428453\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 Deirdre accordingly entered puberty is a state of sexual limbo.  At a time when her peers were }{\i\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019 boldly }{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 or}{
\i\f1\insrsid4413171\charrsid7239019  timidly}{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019  entering the sexual }{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 arena}{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 
according to their natures }{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 Deirdre, who had already received an extensive education in this area, was unable to progress any further as the man to who}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 m}{
\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019  she regarded herself as being \lquote promised\rquote , her father, was absent.  }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 As a child s}{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 
he had been taken to the point of consummation perhaps many times by him, his penis pressed against her hymen with }{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 only}{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019  a brief}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 
, painful, blood-}{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 spring}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019  thrust like that of a sword,}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019  required}{
\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid12468409\charrsid7239019 to }{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 complete and fulfil it.  }{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 
She would have been aware of his tension, the power of his need to enter her and relieve }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 himself of i}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 t.  She would have feared the pain, yet yearned to be }{
\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 on the far side of it}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019  when, as with Stacy\rquote s later perception of her brother during intercourse, her father would be *hers*.  Yet his act of \lquote mercy\rquote 
 in not making the thrust and thus sparing her the pain also impressed her deeply, and the gratitude she felt towards him for \lquote sparing\rquote  her placed her, in her eyes, deeply in his debt.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 This, }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 I suggest}{\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 , was the source of her fascination with the }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 medieval romantic }{
\i\f1\insrsid1901672\charrsid7239019 fiction of her early teens \endash  the unfulfilled sexual tension between Lancelot and Guinevere sleeping with his sword between them, }{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 
virginity as a high ideal to be defended by the male rather than }{\i\f1\insrsid14106806\charrsid7239019 given, lost forever and }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 quietly grieved for}{\i\f1\insrsid1770920\charrsid7239019 , }{
\i\f1\insrsid14106806\charrsid7239019 the maiden in her tower-room waiting, waiting, waiting for the one man who can overcome all the obstacles between them}{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019  \endash 
 the monsters, the riddles and the hedges of thorn -}{\i\f1\insrsid14106806\charrsid7239019  and carry her off just as Deirdre waited, waited, waited for her father to return 
and claim her virginity.  Against this background of knights and princesses it is hardly surprising that she found the adolescent groping of }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 spotty }{\i\f1\insrsid14106806\charrsid7239019 
schoolboys distasteful and rejected it }{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019 in favour of an aloof and lonely }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 puri}{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019 ty.}{\i\f1\insrsid14428453\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019 
\par Yet this distaste for the sexual fumbling of inexperienced }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 adolescents}{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019  hardly explains the }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 depth}{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019 
 of the block on }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 even }{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019 simple intercourse experienced by Stacy in the \lquote boy from college\rquote  episode and the fact that Deirdre never attempted to overcome}{
\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019  it even as a mature woman,}{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019  even though in my view she not only could have done }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 so }{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019 
with a little work but was aware of this.  I believe the answer here again relates to the early sexual experiences with her father.  Although we only have one brief actual account of this to go on \endash  that of }{\i\f1\insrsid1443426\charrsid7239019 
her mother}{\i\f1\insrsid5186232\charrsid7239019  when she discovered them \endash 
 it is surely the case that her father will have taught Deirdre to masturbate him at an early stage.  We can never know if oral sex actually occurred but the chances must high that it did, b}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 
oth fellatio and cunnilingus, and we do know that there was contact between the father\rquote s penis and Deirdre\rquote s genitals.  I suggest }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 the mother}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 
 is wrong when she says he was between her legs trying to penetrate her.  He had more than likely attempted penetration }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 at least }{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 once previously but 
not persisted in the face of Deidre\rquote s pain}{\i\f1\insrsid10447048\charrsid7239019  as her hymen resisted him}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 , and was now}{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019  patiently waiting for a}{
\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 sign from her}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 , perhaps still a year or more in the future, that she was at willing to endure it to enable penetration to occur}{
\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019  and }{\i\f1\insrsid1443426\charrsid7239019 instead }{\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019 merely used her genitals for mutual masturbation.}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 
    Indeed I would suggest the possibility that the \lquote spontaneous\rquote  gift of the toy bear Oscar to Deirdre to her father which Stacy remembered with pain and jealousy }{\i\f1\insrsid16611872 was}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 
 a gift to his daughter following such an attempt in order to acknowledge and express remorse at the pain the attempt caused her}{\i\f1\insrsid10447048\charrsid7239019  which the three/four year}{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 
-year-old Stacy empathised with but did not understand.  To }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 some}{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019  extent she also experienced her sister\rquote s pain and }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 the }{
\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 mixed relief/disappointment }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 she felt when her father desisted,  }{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 but received no }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 acknowledgement or }
{\i\f1\insrsid12212711\charrsid7239019 reward.}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par My view must be that for the years from perhaps }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 as little as}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019  five }{\i\f1\insrsid6691912 or six }{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019 to the}{
\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 ir}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019  discovery at }{\i\f1\insrsid12468409 ten}{\i\f1\insrsid11731908\charrsid7239019  Deirdre }{\i\f1\insrsid14833439\charrsid7239019 became very familiar with her father\rquote 
s semen, on her hands, body,}{\i\f1\insrsid11016448  genitals and tongue.  Clearly her}{\i\f1\insrsid14833439\charrsid7239019 
 father will have been most concerned not only to remove all traces of it from her but to prevent her inadvertently revealing awareness of it \endash  and indeed it was just }{\i\f1\insrsid4418878\charrsid7239019 such }{
\i\f1\insrsid14833439\charrsid7239019 a revealed awareness}{\i\f1\insrsid8350263  despite}{\i\f1\insrsid12468409  her attempt}{\i\f1\insrsid8350263 s to remove the \lquote evidence\rquote  from her clothes}{\i\f1\insrsid12468409  }{
\i\f1\insrsid14833439\charrsid7239019 although in relation to another man which brought the whole house tumbling down \endash 
 but in doing so woke in her an irreconcilable dichotomy with regard to semen.  On the one hand she had to have been aware that the expression of his semen was the \lquote high point\rquote  and indeed purpose of her father\rquote s interest in her}{
\i\f1\insrsid8350263  \endash  as with of the school-yard pervert -}{\i\f1\insrsid14833439\charrsid7239019  while at the same time he clearly had an intense need to eradicate all evidence that it ever existed, which is a reactio
n a child is most likely to }{\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019 relate}{\i\f1\insrsid14833439\charrsid7239019  to something \lquote wrong\rquote  or shameful which needs to be hidden or disguised.    }{\i\f1\insrsid10447048\charrsid7239019 
One feature of semen of which Deirdre will undoubtedly have been acutely aware is its \lquote sliminess\rquote  which when added to the perfectly normal abhorrence of many little girls for slimy things, }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 
caused her to develop a}{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019  loathing}{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019  and even fear of it.  It was accordingly not fear of the pain the breaching of her hymen would cause her that led to her }{
\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 a}{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 voidance of penetration but the knowledge that this disgusting slimy stuff would be }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 actually be }{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 
deposited within her }{\i\f1\insrsid1443426\charrsid7239019 flesh }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 ye}{\i\f1\insrsid217135\charrsid7239019 t out of reach}{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid1443426\charrsid7239019 
of removal or thorough cleansing }{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019 \endash  an image to which she responded by seeking to shut off access to her vagina }{\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019 altogether }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 
through spasm.}{\i\f1\insrsid3692339\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019 
\par Undoubtedly this repugnance bordering on phobia would have been present even had it been her father\rquote s semen she was receiving but as he was \lquote the one\rquote  I believe she would have endured it and \lquote suffered\rquote 
 it for his sake and even perhaps experienced a perverse pleasure at this proof of her love, the sacrifice she made to prove herself worthy of hi}{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 m}{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019 .
\par 
\par Then, }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 in her}{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019  sixteen}{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 th year}{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019 
, her father was killed, bringing to an end forever any hope of her rescue }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 by him }{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019 from her barred and doorless  tower of virginity.  }{\i\f1\insrsid11167359\charrsid7239019 
 Almost at the same time the sexual relationship between her younger brother and sister flared into life reflecting much of what her relationship with her father had been}{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 , }{\i\f1\insrsid11167359\charrsid7239019 
would have been}{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019  and in her eyes}{\i\f1\insrsid262766\charrsid7239019  should have been}{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid11167359\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 S}{
\i\f1\insrsid262766\charrsid7239019 he knew once again}{\i\f1\insrsid11167359\charrsid7239019  the thrill of the
 illicit, the intimacy of the tight-shared secret, the stomach-thrilling excitement of the sex, the spiritual love of the family member welded to the heart-felt love of the sex-partner by the torch of shared orgasm.  This, which should have been hers, she
 saw and felt instead in her sister, and the anguish that it seemed lost to her forever was unbearable and managed only by }{\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019 a refusal to *see* it and }{\i\f1\insrsid11167359\charrsid7239019 
a savage repression of all emotion.
\par 
\par This was a recipe for a host of mental disorders which, bar one, Deirdre seems almost amazingly to have avoided.  The one she didn\rquote t, mono-polar depression, seems to have been chronic but not severe enough to have incapacitated her}{
\i\f1\insrsid7092798\charrsid7239019 , a testament to her strength, intelligence and spirit.  In this she was perhaps aided by that romantic image of the }{\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019 lonely }{\i\f1\insrsid7092798\charrsid7239019 heroine}{
\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019  steadfastly holding onto her virginity for her \'93true love\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019  with which she }{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 w}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019 as familiar}{
\i\f1\insrsid7092798\charrsid7239019 .  Prominent in her apartment was }{\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019 a print of Brunnhilde embracing her immolation and it is easy to see how Deirdre would have}{\i\f1\insrsid7092798\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019 identified with }{\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019 the Valkyrie\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019  fate.}{\i\f1\insrsid16080774\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019 
\par I suspect the crisis which led directly to the night of which Deidre writes was triggered by her mother\rquote s understandable but unfortunate decision to return to what had been the family home before the divorce.  With the girl\rquote 
s father no longer a threat to them she could return to be near her own family and to send Deirdre to her own Alma Mata, but for Deirdre this was a disaster.  Perhaps the most poignant and telling line in her entire fictionalised account is when she 
writes:}{\i\f1\insrsid11016448   }{\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019 \'93That night I was back in my old room.}{\i\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019 \'94 }{\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019  And not only her old room.}{
\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019   Her old life.}{\i\f1\insrsid1642617\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019 
\par Here was the tower in which, innocent and joyous, she had dallied with her love before he had }{\i\f1\insrsid13173508\charrsid7239019 been torn from her by the unfair vicissitudes of the world}{\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019 , never to 
return.  Here was the secret place, her Grail castle in which }{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019 as a child }{\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019 the }{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019 dreadful }{\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019 
secrets of the adult world }{\i\f1\insrsid1443426\charrsid7239019 had been}{\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019  revealed to her}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019 .  Here }{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019 as a little girl she had encountered}{
\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019  that mystery even adults}{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019  often}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019  fail to solve or resolve \endash  that unbreakable link between the sweet, sublime}{
\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 , out-of-this-world}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019  experience of orgasm and the ever-present sweat, slime and }{\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019 earthy}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019  grunt}{
\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 ing}{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019  of sex}{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid1185754\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 
\par The pain could no-longer be denied but its easing, that final consummation }{\i\f1\insrsid1443426\charrsid7239019 by}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  first intercourse with her father, was impossible.  Yet a substitute was available \endash 
 her brother, who }{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 was}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  by now }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 growin}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 g}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 into }{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 his }{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 father}{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 \rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 s }{
\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 place as the \lquote man\rquote  of the family.  }{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 Yet h}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 e was not \lquote the one\rquote  \endash  not her father \endash 
 and thus intercourse with him was as prohibited as with any other mere man, and even more so because he was the substitute, the shadow, the usurper of \lquote the one\rquote s\rquote  position.
\par 
\par Thus }{\i\f1\insrsid11016448 my initial suspicion}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  that Deirdre had a block or phobia about incest is, in fact, utterly wrong.  Instead she had a fixation with the }{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019 *}{
\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 purest}{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  form of incest \endash  father and daughter}{\i\f1\insrsid1264\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  paralleled}{
\i\f1\insrsid1264\charrsid7239019  only}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  by mother and son \endash  which in fact excluded all other forms of intercourse as \lquote lesser\rquote  and unworthy.  The \lquote sex\rquote  Stacy experienced empath
ically from her sister as she regarded their brother was not}{\i\f1\insrsid6691912 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  as }{\i\f1\insrsid1264\charrsid7239019 Stacy}{\i\f1\insrsid8350263  though}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 t}{
\i\f1\insrsid8350263 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019  Deirdre imagining }{\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019 h}{\i\f1\insrsid4532194\charrsid7239019 aving sex with him.  She was imagining the unconsummated sex act with her father }{
\i\f1\insrsid9917164\charrsid7239019 whose place }{\i\f1\insrsid1264\charrsid7239019 at the table her brother}{\i\f1\insrsid9917164\charrsid7239019  had taken.  However, for Deirdre to act
ually have sex with Jeff would have been a far greater betrayal of her pure love for her father than sex with any other man would have been precisely because of that substitution}{\i\f1\insrsid3952941\charrsid7239019  \endash  Hamlet\rquote 
s anguish at his mother\rquote s marrying with his uncle after his father\rquote s death is the perfect parallel.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8659246\charrsid7239019 Here, then, is the heart of Deirdre\rquote s conflict.}{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019  While undoubtedly possessed of a normal young woman\rquote 
s sexual desires she bore set against them the weight of the guilt, shame and quite likely self-disgust she had sensed in h
er father has he had hurriedly cleaned her up after a snatched session of sex with her.  With his sexual desires temporarily sated by masturbation }{\i\f1\insrsid13727007\charrsid7239019 onto her }{\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019 
he was likely appalled by what he had just done.  Under such conditions it is not unlikely that Deirdre would have responded to her pre-pubescent confusion at his }{\i\f1\insrsid13727007\charrsid7239019 abrupt shift in persona following ejaculation }{
\i\f1\insrsid3494815\charrsid7239019 by entirely separating out the physical and spiritual sides of sex, }{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019 unlinking orgasm from semen in the male and, later, from vaginal secretion in t
he female.  If she masturbated at all it could}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019  surely}{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019 
 only have been in the washed purity of the shower or a bath.  Thus her quest became one that would have been recognised by the medieval authors of Parsifal, for the transcendence of the spiritual over the physical, }{\i\f1\insrsid6691912 
the experience of }{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019 orgasmic love without sex.}{\i\f1\insrsid1264\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019 
\par This, then, is what lies behind her challenge to Stacy on the night of her \lquote story\rquote .  \'93Stacy! How could you *do* that?\'94  is not just a cry against her sister}{\i\f1\insrsid13727007\charrsid7239019  that echoes Hamlet\rquote 
s complaint against his mother\rquote s perceived incest, \'93in the rank sweat of an enseamed bed, stew\rquote d in corruption, honeying and making love over the nasty sty.\'94  }{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 It is a protest against her sister
\rquote s defiling of the pure object of her, Deirdre\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019  love; of tain
ting it with her sweat and vaginal fluids and drawing from it the shameful and slimy semen of the physical }{\i\f1\insrsid14773870 boy}{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 . Even more i}{\i\f1\insrsid13727007\charrsid7239019 
t is a cry of protest at her sister\rquote s betrayal of }{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 Deirdre\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid13727007\charrsid7239019  love for her father}{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid13727007\charrsid7239019 
by seducing the substitute object of it}{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 .  \'93}{\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019 For he}{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019  is mine,\'94
 she could have added quite accurately, but hers in a way only she comprehended}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 . When she saw her brother as her father and experienced }{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 imaginary }{
\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 sex with him it was precisely the kind of non-physical sex she now sought }{\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019 as}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019  her body reacted }{\i\f1\insrsid8740267 with }{
\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 sexual}{\i\f1\insrsid8740267  sensations}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019  but without }{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 all }{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 the sweat and slime}{\i\f1\insrsid8740267 
 of physical sex}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 
\par Yet she knew}{\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019  in her heart, too}{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 , that it was all }{\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019 an illusion, }{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 all smoke and mirrors }{
\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019 like the shifting mirage of the Grail castle or the end of the rainbow no-one clothed in flesh c}{\i\f1\insrsid679011\charrsid7239019 an}{\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019  reach}{
\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 .  She had no defence, no words to even begin to explain to Stacy what she had meant for she barely understood it herself.  Yes, she did yearn for her brother, but not as her brother.  }{
\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019 Yes, a}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 s Stacy claimed s}{\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019 he could not have resisted him }{\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019 for a second if he tried}{
\i\f1\insrsid16593936\charrsid7239019  for he would have been her father, returned after all this time to claim }{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 the virginity she promised him}{\i\f1\insrsid14773870 .}{\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019 
 Would he not have been Galahad}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019   }{\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019 to her father\rquote s Arthur, charged with bringing the King\rquote s bride Guinevere to }{\i\f1\insrsid9987498\charrsid7239019 their}{
\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019  wedding at Camelot even as each yearned for the other? }{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019 Yet she knew that }{\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019 had}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019  it happened, }{
\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019 had}{\i\f1\insrsid4869967\charrsid7239019  her brother torn from her with sweat and blood and slime the virginity that should have been surrendered to her father}{\i\f1\insrsid8403380\charrsid7239019 
 in some transcendent, blinding golden aura of ultimate 
consummation such as legend says surrounds the Grail itself, the illusion would have been destroyed for ever for her and the whole vast and beautiful edifice of the medieval romances in which she had buried herself, the unbearably sweet purity of chivalry
 and courtly love }{\i\f1\insrsid11219962\charrsid7239019 she had adopted as her guide would have been torn from her leaving her poor and weeping, clothed in rags and huddled in the ashes of the world she had made.}{\i\f1\insrsid6691912 
  In this, perhaps, she would have been merely w}{\i\f1\insrsid8350263 h}{\i\f1\insrsid6691912 ere the rest of us are.}{\i\f1\insrsid7371433\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11219962\charrsid7239019 
\par This was }{\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019 surely }{\i\f1\insrsid11219962\charrsid7239019 what she was so afraid of as Stacy stood over her in that bedroom}{\i\f1\insrsid8740267  of her childhood}{\i\f1\insrsid11219962\charrsid7239019 
.  The loss of all she was}{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019  should her sister choose to destroy it by forcing her to step onto the rainbow bridge}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019 of fantasy }{
\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 bridging the chasm of cold reality.}{\i\f1\insrsid11219962\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 It was a subliminal awareness of that chasm that Stacy recognised and }{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 so }{\i\f1\insrsid16396739\charrsid7239019 
drew back from the brink, turning and walking away rather than delivering the coupe de grace. She was aware she had won her victory and that Jeff was hers.  Indeed in a sense Deirdre }{\i\f1\insrsid1068608\charrsid7239019 
never challenged her for the boy and was certainly not competing for his affection.  She was waiting, waiting for the father in the son to claim the trophy of her virginity which he had won }{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 but }{
\i\f1\insrsid1068608\charrsid7239019 which Jeff, }{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 ignorant}{\i\f1\insrsid1068608\charrsid7239019  of it, never would}{\i\f1\insrsid9373613  of his own volition}{\i\f1\insrsid1068608\charrsid7239019 .  Stacy had, th}{
\i\f1\insrsid9987498\charrsid7239019 ough}{\i\f1\insrsid1068608\charrsid7239019 , won the victory she had sought which was the right to claim}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019  and own}{\i\f1\insrsid1068608\charrsid7239019 
 the sweat and semen of her brother.  Deirdre would much have preferred to pretend to }{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 these things did not exist}{\i\f1\insrsid8740267  at all}{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019  but as }{
\i\f1\insrsid13791819\charrsid7239019 she could not deny }{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 they did}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019  Stacy could have them.}{\i\f1\insrsid11219962\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 
\par \'93What had she done to Jeff?\'94 she asked herself }{\i\f1\insrsid2060747\charrsid7239019 in agony }{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 after her sister\rquote s departure, well aware that although Jeff might have desired }{
\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 the }{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 incest it was Stacy\rquote s decision to say \lquote yes\rquote  that had made it possible, and }{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 so it was Stacy that was }{
\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 ultimate}{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 ly responsible for the sweat, semen and vaginal fluids with which the object of her, Deirdre\rquote s, desire was debased when they had sex, and so was dragging him}{
\i\f1\insrsid13791819\charrsid7239019  down}{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 , as she saw it, into the mire}{\i\f1\insrsid13791819\charrsid7239019  of physicality.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16196677\charrsid7239019 Had Stacy left it there what might the outcome have been?  Deirdre was already an outsider}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019  to the family,  distanced}{\i\f1\insrsid16196677\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 from her mother by their }{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 original }{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 conflict over the father}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 
, her subliminal recognition of her mother\rquote s sexual desire for }{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019 the desired brother/father/son}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019  and now severed from her siblings by}{
\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019  her pain at}{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019  their }{\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 joyous }{\i\f1\insrsid15362506\charrsid7239019 incest}{\i\f1\insrsid5719311\charrsid7239019 .  }{
\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 Had nothing more happened that night I suggest she would have rapidly split herself away from the family, with ever more brief and reluctant visits until they ceased altogether }{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 as
}{\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019  her pain at Stacy\rquote s enjoying what should have been hers and her mother\rquote s own betrayal of her strictures on incest and desire for the brother bec}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 a}{
\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 me unbearable}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019  in their presence}{\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid13791819\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 
\par Perhaps with the unshakable love of an understanding and sympathetic man she could have overcom
e the block on intercourse yet her phobia regarding semen was created at such an impressionable age and went so deep so I doubt it could ever have been eradicated.  I suspect she would never have been able to achieve vaginal orgasm and while she might hav
e been able to endure intercourse with Jeff or a man elected by her to her father/brother\rquote s position she would never }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 - }{\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019 and }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 l}{
\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019 acking her sister\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 s acting talent}{\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 only too }{\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019 
obviously never }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 - }{\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 have enjoyed it, }{\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019 probably fatally limiting any relationship.}{\i\f1\insrsid8666237\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019 
\par More likely, aware of this, she would never have allowed any man}{\i\f1\insrsid9987498\charrsid7239019  other than her brother}{\i\f1\insrsid15541593\charrsid7239019 
 to even approach a sexual relationship, condemning herself to a life of aching loneliness and ever-gnawing but never satiable sexual desire.  This, perhaps, was what she recognis
ed as she sat on the edge of the bed that night as her little sister turned away victorious.  \'93I was left alone\'94, she writes.  Not merely alone in her bedroom but alone in the world, for ever.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3960460\charrsid7239019 
\par Yet Stacy did not leave it there.}{\i\f1\insrsid8347772\charrsid7239019   She told me she felt sorry 
for her sister and wanted to do something.  On the surface she had done nothing more than establish her right to commit incest with her brother.  Her challenge, \'93Well?\'94
 to Deirdre was a declaration that it was up to Deirdre whether or not she engaged in intercourse with the brother and that Stacy would not interfere if she did, with the }{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 implication}{
\i\f1\insrsid8347772\charrsid7239019  that she didn\rquote t understand why Deirdre didn\rquote t.  All she was asking from her big sister was the reciprocal right to screw with her brother without interference or
 the disapproving looks.  This she had won with, in fact, a complete reversal of the sister/sister dynamic that she hadn\rquote t sought.  }{\i\f1\insrsid3960460\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 
\par Perhaps it was this reversal of the sister/sister dynamic that prompted her action.  Previously Deirdre had been senior by dint of being the eldest.  However Stacy\rquote s greater experience of }{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 sex and }{
\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 power had won}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019  out}{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019  over mere age.  No}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 w Stacy was responsible for her}{
\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019  powerless sister Deirdre and }{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 was }{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 without doubt dimly aware of the awful chasm on th}{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 e}{
\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019  brink of which she had left her }{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 \lquote little\rquote  }{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 sister \endash  or }{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 at least }{
\i\f1\insrsid11478656\charrsid7239019 felt something }{\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 of Deirdre\rquote s frightened reaction to it \endash  knew she had to do something}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019  more}{
\i\f1\insrsid4810959\charrsid7239019 .  With no more than a faint, muddled}{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019  and uncomprehending sense of the disaster }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 Stacy}{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019 
 had brought down on her sister she decided on a course of action she was all too aware ha}{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 d}{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019  the potential to be catastrophic.  She \lquote sikked\rquote  her brother onto }{
\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 t}{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019 h}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 ei}{\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019 r big sister.  Given all the circumstances it was an astonishingly brave, intuitive and mature 
thing for a fourteen-year-old girl to do.
\par 
\par To \lquote sik\rquote  derives from the Old English \lquote sicca\rquote , an encouragement to hunting dogs to seek out their prey but with overtones of releasing them at a fleeing }{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 target}{
\i\f1\insrsid14629148\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019   It is a revealing phrase for Stacy to have used.  It confirms that she had no illusions about the}{\i\f1\insrsid8345813\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid8740267 sister}{
\i\f1\insrsid8345813\charrsid7239019 /brother}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019  dynamic she}{\i\f1\insrsid8345813\charrsid7239019  and Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid11478656\charrsid7239019  comprised}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019 
.  Through his prick she had captured her}{\i\f1\insrsid8740267  big}{\i\f1\insrsid6192102\charrsid7239019  brother\rquote s heart to the extent that he barked when she said dog.  Jeff himself told me that he had considered sex with his big sister as }{
\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019 monumental }{\i\f1\insrsid3030437 and unobtainable }{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019 an object }{\i\f1\insrsid11478656\charrsid7239019 of}{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019 
 desire as sex with his mother and Stacy would have been aware of this, yet it is clear she had no doubt that even had she said}{\i\f1\insrsid10696975\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019  \lquote Mom want}{
\i\f1\insrsid8345813\charrsid7239019 s}{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019  to have sex with you.  Go get her,}{\i\f1\insrsid10696975\charrsid7239019 \rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019   he would have }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 
charged}{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019  like a }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 faithful }{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019 dog into a bush that }{\i\f1\insrsid10696975\charrsid7239019 could}{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019 
 have contained }{\i\f1\insrsid10696975\charrsid7239019 either }{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019 a rabbit or a}{\i\f1\insrsid10696975\charrsid7239019 n angry}{\i\f1\insrsid8667222\charrsid7239019  bear.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8345813\charrsid7239019 
\par This is all the more remarkable considering that both Stacy and Jeff referred to concerns that Deirdre }{\i\f1\insrsid3237319\charrsid7239019 was capable of }{\i\f1\insrsid198154\charrsid7239019 \lquote blowing the whistle\rquote 
 on them, either forcing their mother to act in relation to their incest or even going over her head to the authorities.  Jeff even acknowledges that he recognised the possibility that a sexual advance by him to his big sister might precipitate just such 
a result.  Moreover he must have been aware that where an incestuous relationship between a sixteen-year-old boy and his fourteen-year-old sister}{\i\f1\insrsid4656866\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10755966\charrsid7239019 comes to light}{
\i\f1\insrsid11478656\charrsid7239019  there is rarely much investigation as to where the principle blame lies, it being considered a foregone conclusion. Yet accepting his little sister\rquote s appraisal he obediently}{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 
 and with little argument set}{\i\f1\insrsid9337006\charrsid7239019  out on the task she sent him on like a bold knight in the days of yore setting out on a maiden\rquote s quest.  That he was no doubt excited by the prospect that she }{
\i\f1\insrsid10696975\charrsid7239019 might be right}{\i\f1\insrsid11478656\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid9337006\charrsid7239019 weighs little against the fact that, as Jeff himself says, if she was wrong he would be in even deeper shit. 
\par 
\par Stacy was taking a risk, too.  If Deirdre were provoked into blowing the whistle on them it would obviously have meant the end of a relationship with her brother she not only enjoyed as sex but as a partnership which, in its way, resembled a }{
\i\f1\insrsid9848641 very intense affair}{\i\f1\insrsid9337006\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019   Yet and despite her protestations }{\i\f1\insrsid9337006\charrsid7239019 she mu}{\i\f1\insrsid3030437 st}{
\i\f1\insrsid9337006\charrsid7239019  also have been keenly aware that she risked losing Jeff to Deirdre.  }{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019 
She is probably correct that Jeff would always have been willing to screw her, but a sixteen-year-old boy is almost inevitably going to be drawn more towards the experience with sex with a fully-ripe, maturing nineteen-year-old woman than a still-developi
ng, immature fourteen-year-old girl.  Magnanimity probably played a part}{\i\f1\insrsid14891430\charrsid7239019  -}{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019  with her total victory secured she could afford to let the vanquished share in the spoils}{
\i\f1\insrsid14891430\charrsid7239019  -}{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019   but she risked losing the total control of her brother\rquote s heart she had gained through }{\i\f1\insrsid10755966\charrsid7239019 undisputed possession of }{
\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019 his prick and }{\i\f1\insrsid14891430\charrsid7239019 to him}{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019  becoming the little sister again.  That she still did it indicates to me }{\i\f1\insrsid9987498\charrsid7239019 
not only a very deep love and care for her sister but}{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid10755966\charrsid7239019 both }{\i\f1\insrsid9987498\charrsid7239019 an }{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019 awareness of the }{
\i\f1\insrsid10755966\charrsid7239019 magnitude of the disaster she had inflicted on her and that, somehow, Jeff was the key to it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 Which brings us to the}{\i\f1\insrsid5456846\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 actions of Jeff that night, which are as remarkable and complex as anything we have yet considered.
\par 
\par Jeff admits he was nervous as he enters his big sister\rquote s bedroom, naked and sexually aroused.  At one point he talks of }{\i\f1\insrsid6496489\charrsid7239019 his }{\i\f1\insrsid9646280\charrsid7239019 concern}{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 
 at the possibility of his having to explain why he is there}{\i\f1\insrsid9373613  both}{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019  to Deirdre and }{\i\f1\insrsid9373613 in all likelihood }{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 also to their mother \endash 
 which demonstrates that to him Deirdre has an authority over him far more like that of a mother than a sister.  And this with his little sister naked in his bed and presumably discover}{\i\f1\insrsid9373613 able}{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 
 by them despite the fact he is aware it would come as no surprise to either of them.  He also refers to the possibility of Deirdre \lquote screaming the house down\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid11478656\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 
at his presence even }{\i\f1\insrsid10570532\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 after}{\i\f1\insrsid10570532\charrsid7239019 *}{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019  realising who it was.}{\i\f1\insrsid8345813\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12136632\charrsid7239019 
\par \'93I awoke. It was still night. "Wake up," came a whisper. It was Jeff! By my bed!\'94
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 
\par This is the most crucial moment of the story, and its pivot}{\i\f1\insrsid12136632\charrsid7239019  point}{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid14891430\charrsid7239019 Despite her comprehensive defeat by her little sister
 Deirdre still has }{\i\f1\insrsid6174084\charrsid7239019 enough}{\i\f1\insrsid14891430\charrsid7239019 
 authority over her little brother to at least send him packing from the room with his tail between his legs, and more substantially to force a confrontation including Mom over her siblings\rquote  incest.  Yet she does nothing.  Quite literally nothing.}
{\i\f1\insrsid3634633\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6496489\charrsid7239019 
\par How could Jeff fail to regard this a confirmation of his little sister\rquote s assessment that Deirdre wanted him }{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 to have sex with her }{\i\f1\insrsid6496489\charrsid7239019 
but did not want to admit to it?  There can have been little doubt in his big sister\rquote s mind what he w}{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 as after}{\i\f1\insrsid6496489\charrsid7239019 , naked and }{\i\f1\insrsid9373613 erect}{
\i\f1\insrsid6496489\charrsid7239019  for her in her bedroom late at night.}{\i\f1\insrsid7747825\charrsid7239019 
  Yes she does nothing, says nothing, as he uncovers her, takes possession of the bed and reaches across her to take her by the shoulder. Looming over and her dominating her.}{\i\f1\insrsid6496489\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10570532\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1325931\charrsid7239019 \'93He was so strong and I was so afraid,\'94 she writes.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019 Why}{\i\f1\insrsid9848641  was she afraid}{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019 ?}{
\i\f1\insrsid10570532\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019 
\par She surely knew physical strength was not the issue with Jeff}{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 , as Jeff himself conceded}{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019 
.  She knew her little brother was not about to *rape* her even before he said as much.  Not just because of the practical issues \endash  the scream that would have brought the mother running, the facing}{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019  of}{
\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019  each other again over }{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019 the }{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019 breakfast}{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019  table }{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019  }{
\i\f1\insrsid7490671\charrsid7239019 \endash }{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019  }{\i\f1\insrsid7490671\charrsid7239019 she }{\i\f1\insrsid9373613 was also aware}{\i\f1\insrsid7490671\charrsid7239019  he was not drunk, nor so sexually \lquote wound-up
\rquote  that he had lost control.  She knew that a simple \'93no, Jeff\'94 to this boy who loved her as a sister and looked up to her as a mother, would be enough to stop }{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019 him }{\i\f1\insrsid7490671\charrsid7239019 
in his tracks.  She knew all the strength in the sixteen-year-old hunk leaning over her was hers to command and would willingly spend itself in defending her should she need it.  }{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019 
What as there for her to be afraid of?}{\i\f1\insrsid8416259\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019 
\par She was so afraid, I suggest, because it was no longer entirely Jeff sitting n
aked on her bed and leaning over her.  How often before in that very same bed in that very same room under that very same counterpane had she lain a little girl with her naked father waking her from sleep with a whisper and a sudden blaze of dim, shadow-e
dged light.  How often had he settled on the mattress next to her }{\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 
and pulled back the covers to reveal her little helpless body in its cotton nightgown.  How often - far, far stronger than the eight, nine, ten-year-old girl in the bed - had the man taken he
r by the shoulders, slipped the cotton from her skin and with his hands on her body and his rigid penis jerking and throbbing }{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 in hers }{\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 
begun on that long climb to ejaculation and orgasm taking her, eagerly and reluctantly, stimulated and frightened, with him for the ride.}{\i\f1\insrsid14691592\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 
\par \'93He was so strong and I was so afraid\'94, she writes because the boy beside her on the bed that night was clothed in memories of her father in that place \endash  a man with the strength of }{\i\f1\insrsid9373613 a man }{
\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 who could not have been stopped by a simple }{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019 \lquote }{\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 no}{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019 \rquote  nor indeed any amount of struggling}{
\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 , and who she had always been }{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019 so, so }{\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 afraid might not turn aside from that last }{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 agonising}{
\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019  bloody}{\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019  plunge of the sword that was his penis into her body.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019 
\par Except that now she was ready for it.  She feared the pain of it}{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019  and}{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019  had a keen idea how much it would hurt for it had surely been stretched }{
\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 before }{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019 
to the point of excruciation.  Yet she was no-longer the nine-year-old child with the man between her legs.  She was a nineteen-year-old woman who knew the pain of defloration,
 the pain of menstruation, the pain of childbirth, was hers to be born and that she could bear it.
\par 
\par This, then, i}{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 s}{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019  the source of her paralysis.  Before, as a child impaled on the point of her father\rquote s penis, it had been her pain he had sensed and seen and 
which had caused him to desist, to her vast relief and huge disappointment.  So for the act to be completed and the penis-sword to sheath itself in her body where it belonged she had to show none of the pain she knew there would be}{
\i\f1\insrsid8607705\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid1332475\charrsid7239019  and bear it without flinching.  }{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 She had in her mind no choice, the man was so strong, yet she }{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 had to}{
\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019  pass through the pain he brought in order to know the joy that lay beyond it, that paradise beyond the wall of fire, }{\i\f1\insrsid16017591 and could only do it }{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 
by being strong herself and she was so, so afraid not only of the pain but of being }{\i\f1\insrsid6174084\charrsid7239019 unable to pass through it}{\i\f1\insrsid13575958\charrsid7239019 , of failing the test now it is upon her.}{
\i\f1\insrsid1517539\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13575958\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid11430556\charrsid7239019 So to Jeff.  A horny hunk, and below him on the bed his beautiful elder sister in a thin cotton nightgown, her breasts thrusting up beneath it, nipples outlined and perhaps even visible as dark }{
\i\f1\insrsid8789148\charrsid7239019 circles through the white}{\i\f1\insrsid11430556\charrsid7239019 .  He has been told she wants him, yearns for him to penetrate and impregnate her but is held back from admitting it to him}{
\i\f1\insrsid8789148\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid11430556\charrsid7239019  and}{\i\f1\insrsid3030437  to}{\i\f1\insrsid11430556\charrsid7239019  herself}{\i\f1\insrsid8789148\charrsid7239019 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid11430556\charrsid7239019 
 by a feeble, brittle chain of morality he can snap and free her from with a single thrust of his groin.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8789148\charrsid7239019 
Her stomach rises and falls evenly with her breathing, the thin cotton curves down into the divide of her body over the slight rise of her pubis, perhaps slightly rumpled and rough over the p
atch of hair beneath, another dark patch of shadow under the cloth, and then ends revealing long, bare, smooth legs waiting to be parted.}{\i\f1\insrsid13575958\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8789148\charrsid7239019 
\par It is the moment.  His intent is clear.  She has had her chance to stop him with a word, a simple gesture, and not ta
ken it.  What else can this be but her consent?  Her consent to what he intends.  No, she will not help.  She will not encourage for that would be to sup from the cup of sin which is how she regards incest.  Yet neither will she resist for if he is willin
g to bear the burden of the guilt what guilt is hers for submitting to the desires of a loved young brother.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8607705\charrsid7239019 She has surrendered to him and is his absolutely, to do with as he desires.}{
\i\f1\insrsid8789148\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8607705\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3030437 How many horny sixteen}{\i\f1\insrsid15875829\charrsid7239019 -year-old boys, how many men, would refuse an offer like that?}{\i\f1\insrsid8607705\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15875829\charrsid7239019 
\par "Don't worry, I don't want to *rape* you," he says instead.
\par 
\par Jef}{\i\f1\insrsid9848641 f is not sure he used the word \lquote rape\rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid13974776\charrsid7239019 .  I suspect he did}{\i\f1\insrsid1790541\charrsid7239019 .}{\i\f1\insrsid15875829\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13974776\charrsid7239019 Rape is sexual intercourse w}{\i\f1\insrsid1790541\charrsid7239019 ithout consent, or }{\i\f1\insrsid6513521 with }{\i\f1\insrsid1790541\charrsid7239019 
consent obtained by force, fear or fraud.   Jeff could not rape Deidre as a matter of law }{\i\f1\insrsid14838319\charrsid7239019 because }{\i\f1\insrsid1790541\charrsid7239019 he had her consent}{\i\f1\insrsid14838319\charrsid7239019 , freely given}{
\i\f1\insrsid1790541\charrsid7239019 .  He had no need to use force apart from the violence needed to tear her hymen, and although she feared this she wanted }{\i\f1\insrsid14838319\charrsid7239019 the pain }{\i\f1\insrsid1790541\charrsid7239019 
as does anyone wanting a aching tooth removed and it did not impinge on the validity of her consent to sexual intercourse.  Nor had Jeff gained that consent by fraud.  He was not pretending to be anyone other than her brother and though he had gained b
y association the consent  to intercourse she had long ago given to her father}{\i\f1\insrsid14838319\charrsid7239019  she knew it would be and had consented to her brother\rquote s penis penetrating her in lieu of her father\rquote s.}{
\i\f1\insrsid10186950\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14838319\charrsid7239019 
\par She was his for the taking as Stacy had told her.  Why did he not take her?
\par 
\par He told me himself.  \'93I knew she didn\rquote t want me to, but would allow me to if I wanted.\'94  This is not rape at law.  Desire is not an essential ingredient of consent.  This is a wife granting sex to a h
usband out of duty, and so perhaps the basis of consent for more than half the acts of sex performed in any day.  }{\i\f1\insrsid16596289\charrsid7239019 
It is the act of sex consented to as an act of love rather than lust.  Would any man, would any woman, have condemned Jeff had he had sex with his elder sister because she consented to it as an act of love?
\par 
\par But it was not enough for Jeff.  In his mind he had raped his little sister when she had opened her legs to him at aged twelve so that he would ta}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 ke}{\i\f1\insrsid16596289\charrsid7239019  her to the movies or the ball-game.  This
 was not rape in law either, but to Jeff even then it had been rape and he was not about to do it again.  }{\i\f1\insrsid7239019\charrsid7239019 The consent he required for intercourse was the joyous eagerness to share sex of his little sister\rquote 
s consent, and he was getting no signs of that from his big sister.}{\i\f1\insrsid16596289\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7239019\charrsid7239019 
\par Stacy had not lied when she\rquote d told him his big sister wanted him.  She did, but in his eyes not enough.  He did not understand the turmoil in her soul but knew that like his little 12-year-old sister two years before the consent she was o
ffering was not whole-hearted and so did not suffice.  It was a very mature, adult, even commendable decision.  And it was wrong.
\par 
\par \'93He carefully covered me up and kissed me on the forehead}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid7239019\charrsid7239019 \'94  }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 Deirdre writes. }{\i\f1\insrsid7239019  How many times, one wonders, had her father don
e that after their }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 confusing, frightening, wonderful sex-session}{\i\f1\insrsid6513521 s}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069  in that room ten years }{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 and more }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 before.}{
\i\f1\insrsid5116069\charrsid5116069   \'93Then he stood up and turned to leave.\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069   How
 many times had her father done that, too, leaving her empty and unfulfilled, and believing that by not taking his penis into her as she knew he so desperately wanted her to, she had failed him.}{\i\f1\insrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069\charrsid5116069 \'93My hand. It shot out and grabbed his wrist.\'94}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069   She did not reach out for him.  Her body did, of its own volition and outside her control, she }{\i\f1\insrsid9848641 suggests}{
\i\f1\insrsid5116069 .  After a long, long, absence her love had returned but was leaving again, her virginity unclaimed.  }{\i\f1\insrsid2503666 Yet now she was ready to give it up, would never be more ready a
nd if it did not happen now when would it?  She was ready to face the pain, the blood, the sweat, the slime of the semen inside her, the way a martyr was ready to face the agony of the stake and the fire because that only happened once while beyond it lay
 an eternity in Paradise.}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2503666 
\par Jeff\rquote s taking her that night would not have set her free, but it would have been a huge first step on the road to that freedom.  Her brother\rquote s penis breaking through her hymen would have also broken through her block against sex}{
\i\f1\insrsid8199374 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid2503666  for along with her virginity would have gone her purity and her childhood.  Maid no more she would be woman, baptised by sex into her new order of adulthood}{\i\f1\insrsid13840770 
, her blood forever as tainted by the sexual desires simmering in it as it was by the menstruation s
he had been unable to deny for some time.  Freed from the chastity belt of her virginity she would have been able to open herself to the men she knew longed for her and choose a mate from among them.
\par 
\par And her Holy Grail of}{\i\f1\insrsid12873145  father-daughter}{\i\f1\insrsid13840770  incest for which she had kept herself pure, would also be achieved.  For in the son is the father, }{\i\f1\insrsid12873145 and }{\i\f1\insrsid13840770 the son\rquote 
s penis penetrating her and claiming her would also be the father\rquote s fulfilling the promise she had made with her heart if not with her lips.  This first penetrati
on of me, this claiming of my virgin womb, is my most precious gift and I saved it for you, father.  I give it to you. }{\i\f1\insrsid2503666 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12873145 
\par Only by accepting Jeff as her father\rquote s substitute could that gift be made.  Without such acceptance Stacy experienced Deirdre\rquote s response to the idea of her brother\rquote s penis penetrating her \endash 
 a shield like bone blocking the entrance to her vagina.  Yet this shield is her virginity.  This is the gift she has promised her father and can give no-one else, and has not thought beyond.   Beyond t
his gift, virgin no more but woman, she could choose whether or not to allow her  brother\rquote s penis to penetrate her just as she would choose any other man\rquote s.  But can she make that gift to her brother the son in lieu of the father?
\par 
\par The king is dead.   Long live the King.  Her father is dead.  Does the son i}{\i\f1\insrsid3025727 nherit his claims?  Deirdre initially decides he does not, her body crying out \lquote no\rquote  to the naked }{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 boy}{
\i\f1\insrsid3025727  looming over her who has come for it \endash  as it is her brother, not her father.  Yet the brother accepts }{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 her denial}{\i\f1\insrsid3025727  even though he has the strength to claim his father\rquote 
s right against her will.  He bows to her will and turns to go, and through that gesture, that acceptance of her sovereignty, earns the right to claim the gift.
\par 
\par For his sister\rquote s bed i}{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 s}{\i\f1\insrsid3025727  Jeff\rquote s }{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 Siege}{\i\f1\insrsid3025727  Perilous, her virgin body his Holy Grail which can only be won by recognising one\rquote 
s unworthiness to possess it. }{\i\f1\insrsid12873145 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3025727 
\par Now her body cries \lquote yes\rquote , I am yours, but he does not take it.  He worships it, awed and reverent fingers carefully exploring it}{\i\f1\insrsid14121441 , knowing it in its fullness and readiness as even her father\rquote 
s had not and like a bell sounded for the first time waking in her the woman\rquote s responses the father never could for she was not, then, a woman.  But there he leaves it.  The Grail has found its Knight but he does not claim it as destiny demands.}{
\i\f1\insrsid3025727 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14121441 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15957018 This, then, is the tragedy.  }{\i\f1\insrsid12285646 Like the Percival of legend he fails to act when the Holy Grail is revealed to him and misses for ever the opportunity to heal not the Fisher King but his }{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 
own }{\i\f1\insrsid12285646 sister.  Only he could do it but, believing himself unworthy, he invents first the story of his \lquote faithfulness\rquote  to his girlfriend \endash  a concept of pure chivalry \endash 
 and then takes a wife in order to bar himself from the too-precious Grail that is his sister\rquote s}{\i\f1\insrsid8199374  promised and close-guarded}{\i\f1\insrsid12285646  virginity.}{\i\f1\insrsid14121441 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12285646 
\par Thus it remains unresolved, the Grail burning and calling for its Knight to release it from its incarceration in the }{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 Siege}{\i\f1\insrsid12285646  Peri}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 l}{\i\f1\insrsid12285646 ous}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 
 while its Knight skirts it and toys with it but, misunderstanding, never steps forward to claim it.}{\i\f1\insrsid12285646 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 
\par Yet it is unresolved, not concluded.  Deirdre was there to be claimed}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702  yet the Grail cannot put itself forward.  It  can choose but must }{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 then }{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 wait for the chosen to accept it}{
\i\f1\insrsid8199374 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 Why might}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702  she }{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 have }{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 c}{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 o}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 me to the final conclusion that he never would}{\i\f1\insrsid16138511 
 and act to bring her wait to an end}{\i\f1\insrsid8199374 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702  }{\i\f1\insrsid8348702\charrsid8348702  \'93That was years ago--now he's faithful to his wife. Completely.}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 \'94
 she writes.  To seduce him herself would be to undermine that faithfulness she prizes.  The Grail can only be claimed by }{\i\f1\insrsid7233297 a}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702  Knight }{\i\f1\insrsid7233297 free of sin and so c
annot induce its Knight to claim it though fraud or deception.  Yet only in the son is that father to whom her virginity was promised.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 While}{\i\f1\insrsid7233297 
 the son is barred to her there is no other, no hope of release from her barren existence, no hope of relief from the burn}{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 ing sexual desires in her blood but that bar is not final.}{\i\f1\insrsid8348702 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7233297 
\par S}{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 eeking her own understanding she writes it out}{\i\f1\insrsid7233297  \endash  that one moment when had fate taken a different path her world would be different}{\i\f1\insrsid8809119  but in which her brother, her salvation, }{
\i\f1\insrsid10042071 turned away from}{\i\f1\insrsid7233297  her.  Only by retreading that path but taking the different route and claiming her virginity could Jeff free her}{\i\f1\insrsid16138511 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid7233297  yet to do so behind his wife
\rquote s back would be to corrupt him and so corrupt the Grail.  Jeff\rquote s wife now stands in the place Stacy stood all those years before, but unlike Stacy she cannot be expected to say to her husband, \lquote 
Your sister wants you, and I want you to have her.\'94  
\par 
\par Deirdre knows Jeff\rquote s wife }{\i\f1\insrsid12154423 is aware of Deirdre\rquote s desire to have him take her \endash  she tries to hide the shock and fear.  Th
e shock that a woman could desire her own brother so much that she would give up all other men for him, and the fear that the lure of the Grail might lure her husband away from her as the fruitless search for it had lured so many men away from their wives
 and families in legend.  Deirdre even understands this \endash  she still cannot }{\i\f1\insrsid16138511 completely }{\i\f1\insrsid12154423 
reconcile her own burning desire for the Holy Grail of incest with her father with what her mother and society tells her she should feel about it.}{\i\f1\insrsid16138511   Only by performing the 
act and coming face to face with the monster will she truly understand it and thus tame or defeat her dragon.}{\i\f1\insrsid7233297 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12154423 
\par And she cannot go to Jeff\rquote s wife and beg her to let Deirdre have him even for just that one night for }{\i\f1\insrsid12280057 her}{\i\f1\insrsid12154423  Grail quest to be consummated in the bl
azing fire of sex as she knows instinctively that no other woman could understand}{\i\f1\insrsid12280057  her needs.}{\i\f1\insrsid12154423 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12280057 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8809119 Yet surely waiting is still an option, that timeless wait of the Grail through the ages of men for the one with the right to claim it}{\i\f1\insrsid16138511 .  Her relationship with Jeff
 is merely a continuation of her relationship with her father \endash  the unconsummated sex of touch and }{\i\f1\insrsid4154236 semi-satisfying }{\i\f1\insrsid16138511 
masturbation, the furtive secret to be hugged to the heart and hidden, with always the hope that one day the Knight\rquote s chains could fall away freeing him to claim his prize.  }{\i\f1\insrsid12280057 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid12154423\charrsid8348702 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16138511 No, on its own }{\i\f1\insrsid4154236 even the raging fires of her desire for the thrust of her brother\rquote 
s penis into her flesh and her despair that it might never come would not be enough for the lessons of the stories of Arthur and his Knights
, and the quest for the Grail, is one of destiny and hope.  With nothing more than has been so far revealed I do not believe Deirdre would have elected to end her quest by taking her own life.  There is something more, and there is still to be heard the v
oice of one player in this Tragedy.}{\i\f1\insrsid5116069\charrsid8348702 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069 
\par }{\f1\ul\insrsid13961226\charrsid13961226 Penny
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5116069\charrsid5116069 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13961226 Hello Mrs. Bartlett.  Please take a seat.  I was talking to \lquote the other\rquote  Mrs Bartlett not so long ago, your mother-in-law, and fear me this might get a little confusing.  May I call you Penelope?  Penny, perhaps?}{
\i\f1\insrsid8667222 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13961226 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13961226 Sure.  Penny.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13961226 Thank you.  You\rquote ll know I\rquote 
ve been asked to try to come to an opinion as to the state of mind of your sister-in-law Deirdre at the time of her death in order to assist the Coroner in determining whether she took her own life or whether foul p
lay, as they still somewhat euphemistically call it, was involved.  You of course knew her and I\rquote 
m hoping you might be able to shed some light on the matter.  You understand you are here voluntarily, are not obliged to answer any questions and are free to leave whenever you wish?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13961226 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4726045 Would you be surprised if the verdict was that Deirdre took her own life?}{\i\f1\insrsid13961226 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4726045 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4726045 No.  Not entirely.  She was\'85 Well, to be honest I thought she was a little unbalanced.  A bit too highly-strung.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4726045 Would you say you knew her well?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4726045 Not well, no.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4726045 But you saw her reasonably often?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4726045 Reasonably.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4726045\charrsid4726045 She visited your home?}{\i\f1\insrsid4726045 
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4726045 Mostly.  We visited her apartment a couple of times, got together at Je}{\f1\insrsid10427164 ff\rquote s Mom\rquote s for some celebration or other.}{\f1\insrsid4726045 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4726045 Did she visit to see her brother, or her nephews and nieces?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4726045 Not the children, no.  She always brought things for them but I don\rquote t think she }{\f1\insrsid2912786 really }{\f1\insrsid4726045 liked them.  Didn\rquote t know how to handle them.  I think they were too young for her.}{
\f1\insrsid2912786   She wasn\rquote t experienced with children,  and not the maternal type.}{\f1\insrsid4726045 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 Did she call to see you at all?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 No.  I don\rquote t think she liked me very much, either.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 Any idea why?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 She\'85  I don\rquote t think she liked anybody really.   She never spoke of friends, certainly not men-friends.  I think Jeff was the closest thing she had to a friend.  She was just too tied up with that business of hers.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 How about her other sister, Stacy?  Would you have said there was any friendship there?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 No}{\f1\insrsid10427164 t much}{\f1\insrsid2912786 .  But I didn\rquote t see them together very often.  Only at family Christmases, that kind of thing.  They seemed to rub along together but I don\rquote 
t think I ever saw them heads-together in a corner, like you\rquote d expect sisters to.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 Would you have said your husband was her friend?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 He\'85 He seemed to be.  She could be a bit of a nuisance sometimes, but he tolerated her.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 Nuisance?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 You know, turn up unannounced when she wasn\rquote t expected.  Overstay her welcome.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 She was family.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid2912786 Yes, but she could easily afford to jet off for a weekend lying on a beach somewhere expensive for a week-end if she wanted a break.  She didn\rquote t have to come to ours.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid2912786 So why did she?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 I\'85  I don\rquote t know.  Maybe we were the closest thing she had to a family.}{\f1\insrsid2912786 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 Doesn\rquote t sound to me that \lquote family atmosphere\rquote  was something she wanted, if she didn\rquote t like you and didn\rquote t like the kids.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 Maybe Jeff can tell you.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 I asked.  Do you know what she and Jeff talked about?  Business?  Old times?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 No, I\'85  I kept out of the way.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 You let them be together?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996\charrsid14512996 Yes.  No.  What are you suggesting?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 
\par Suggesting?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 You said that as though it was something improper.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 Was it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 What, do you think they were screwing or something?  She was his sister.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 They wouldn\rquote t have been the first.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid14512996 What makes you }{\f1\insrsid15365848 think}{\f1\insrsid14512996  they were screwing?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 I didn\rquote t }{\i\f1\insrsid15365848 think}{\i\f1\insrsid14512996  they were.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8985796 
It was your suggestion.  Did you perhaps suspect they were?  Jeff did tell me you and he had rowed about her visits, you wanting to stop them.  Couldn\rquote t you just have tolerated it, too, for the sake of family?}{\i\f1\insrsid14512996 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8985796 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8985796 Yes, OK.  She did come on to Jeff a bit strongly sometimes.  Like I said, I think she was a bit unbalanced.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8985796 \'93come on to Jeff\'94?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8985796 Oh come on, you know the signs.  Hanging her tits out for him a bit, brushing her pussy against his hand.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8985796 Her own brother?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8985796 Well, I did say I thought she was a bit unbalanced.  I mean, having the hots for your own brother\'85
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8985796 And do you think Jeff might have had the hots for her?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8985796 No, for Christ\rquote s sake.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8985796 OK then, not the hots.  How about just willing to oblige?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8985796 Didn\rquote t you ask Jeff all this?  What did he say?
\par }{\f1\insrsid9464516 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9464516 Shrink-client confidentiality applies, I\rquote m afraid.  I\rquote m trying to ascertain what you thought in order to build a picture of what was in Deirdre\rquote s mi
nd.  If she had been aware you were thinking she had the hots for your husband, her brother, and she hadn\rquote t \endash  or even if she had \endash 
 it would likely have affected her relationship with her brother as you were, of course, part of that dynamic.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9464516 Yes, she knew}{\f1\insrsid6315671  what I was thinking}{\f1\insrsid9464516 .
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9464516 So you believe she did have the hots for her brother, and knew you were aware of it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15365848 Yes.  I think she even wanted me to know.}{\f1\insrsid9464516 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15365848 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15365848 That would break the mould.  Mistresses usually try to keep it all very quiet.  Ten-times more so, I would have thought, when incest was involved.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15365848 Well, she didn\rquote t.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15365848 Even when incest was involved.  Why, do you suppose?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15365848 She wanted to break us up.  Get me to walk out on Jeff, I suppose, so she could have him to herself.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15365848 But you weren\rquote t about the let her have him?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid15365848 No.  }{\f1\insrsid5968146 H}{\f1\insrsid15365848 e was my husband and the father of my children.}{\f1\insrsid5968146   And I love him.}{\f1\insrsid15365848 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15365848 Even though he slept with his sister?}{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid15365848 
\par Penny, it seems to me that you\rquote ve pretty much admitted it.
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4157466 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4157466 All right.  I knew that she and Jeff\'85  But he didn\rquote t have the hots for her.  He just\'85  She needed it.  She didn\rquote t have anyone else.  He was just doing her a favour.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4157466 You know this?  Did you discuss it with Jeff?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1319562 What, a}{\f1\insrsid4157466 sk }{\f1\insrsid1319562 my}{\f1\insrsid4157466  husband if he }{\f1\insrsid1319562 was}{\f1\insrsid4157466  screwing his sister?  But the signs\'85 I knew he\rquote d had sex during
 the day sometimes, when he was supposed to be at }{\f1\insrsid10427164 his office}{\f1\insrsid4157466 .  }{\f1\insrsid10427164 Or out with the boys in the evening.  }{\f1\insrsid4157466 
A woman knows.   But I know he never went with another woman, other than her.  He loved me, and only went with her because, well, like I say she was unbalanced and if he hadn\rquote t taken pity on her\'85  well, maybe she\rquote 
d have tipped over the edge earlier.   Didn\rquote t Jeff explain it?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4157466 Jeff denied ever have had intercourse with Deirdre.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4157466 Did he?  Oh.  Well I guess\'85  I guess it\rquote s not very easy for a guy to confess to sleeping with his sister.  I guess he wanted to protect her, too.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4157466 So what happened to tip Deirdre over the edge, then?}{\i\f1\insrsid13587377   Had you }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 tried to }{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 ma}{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 k}{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 e }{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 Jeff}{
\i\f1\insrsid13587377  choose between you and her}{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 , and he chose you}{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid4157466 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13587377 No}{\f1\insrsid1319562 , I didn\rquote t put it to Jeff like that.  }{\f1\insrsid13587377   }{\f1\insrsid1319562 He}{\f1\insrsid13587377  knew I wasn\rquote t happy about it but, well\'85
 I just tried not to think about it.  For all our sakes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 Not easy, I would imagine, when you know that the man trying to make love to you isn\rquote t performing at his best because he}{\i\f1\insrsid7930559  had sex with}{\i\f1\insrsid13587377  his own sister earlier in the day.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13587377 You\rquote re damn right.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 Do you think Jeff could have decided to end it off his own bat, because he realised you were unhappy about it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid13587377 Maybe.  Didn\rquote t you ask him that?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 Hardly, when he }{\i\f1\insrsid5968146 had assured me there wasn\rquote t anything to end.}{\i\f1\insrsid13587377 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5968146 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5968146 Oh.  Of course.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5968146 You see, this is my problem, Penny.  There was no sign of any note in Deirdre\rquote s apartment.  The picture I}{\i\f1\insrsid15037738  have}{\i\f1\insrsid5968146 
 of Deirdre is that she was neat to the point of fastidiousness.  Loose ends were something she would have abhorred, and an unexplained suicide is a major loose end for those left behind.  Frankly I\rquote 
m not at all comfortable with the idea that she would have taken her life without }{\i\f1\insrsid1534797 explaining why, and doing all she could to take full responsibility.  The police}{\i\f1\insrsid6315671  }{\i\f1\insrsid1534797 
examined very closely the hard-drive on her PC.  They were looking for emails or anything relating to business difficulties, but they came across a little story Deirdre had written.  It reads like fiction but I\rquote 
m satisfied the events it relates actually happened, and is about a small incident that happened when Deirdre and Jeff were little more than children, more than ten years ago now.  And, well, it describes Jeff in Deirdre\rquote s bedroom, on her bed naked
}{\i\f1\insrsid6315671  with her}{\i\f1\insrsid1534797 , and}{\i\f1\insrsid6315671  implies}{\i\f1\insrsid1534797  an incestuous relationship.  S
o naturally the police have to wonder if perhaps she was threatening Jeff with disclosure, blackmailing him by threatening to send to story to you}{\i\f1\insrsid6315671  or making it public}{\i\f1\insrsid1534797 .  And if perhaps Jeff pushed her o}{
\i\f1\insrsid1319562 ff that balcony}{\i\f1\insrsid1534797  to prevent it.}{\i\f1\insrsid5968146 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid1534797 
\par }{\f1\insrsid1534797 No.
\par }{\f1\insrsid6113730 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6113730 I have to admit it is a coherent scenario.  Can you be so sure it isn\rquote t true?  Jeff acting to protect his marriage, to protect you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6113730 No}{\f1\insrsid2189016 , you can\rquote t believe that.  Jeff wouldn\rquote t have hurt her.}{\f1\insrsid6113730 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7818416 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 Forced to chose between you and Deirdre, which way do you think he would have jumped?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7818416 He would never have left his children.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 But left you?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7818416 I don\rquote t know.  Had I tried to prise them apart\'85  It would have hurt her.  She was obviously so dependent on him.  And like I said, Jeff would never have hurt her.  So I had to accept it.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 Lie back and think of England.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7818416 Sorry?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 Oh, }{\i\f1\insrsid4461632 women }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 in Victorian England were not supposed to enjoy sex.  They were supposed to }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 just }{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 lie }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 there}{
\i\f1\insrsid7818416  and let themselves be made pregnant in order to breed sons for the Empire.  Lie back and think of England.  }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 Like you were supposed to accept your brother having incest with his sister }{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 
Deirdre}{\i\f1\insrsid9904199  during the day and then do his best for you with a floppy prick still }{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 sticky }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 with her sex-oil on in the evening}{\i\f1\insrsid10042071 ?}{\i\f1\insrsid7818416 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9904199 You make it sound\'85
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 Disgusting.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9904199 Yes.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid9904199 Wasn\rquote t it?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid9904199 I\'85  Yes, it was hard sometimes.}{\f1\insrsid4461632   Not to\'85  let it show.}{\f1\insrsid9904199 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3954416 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3954416 Do you think you succeeded?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3954416 He can\rquote t have been in any doubt that I didn\rquote t like her, and of him being with her.  And I know he made an effort\'85 not to make it too obvious when she was with us.  But I couldn\rquote 
t keep tabs on him during the day.  I can\rquote t imagine he wasn\rquote t aware that I knew.  }{\f1\insrsid4484658 You must have asked him.}{\f1\insrsid3954416 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 He knew you had your suspicions.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 What about shrink-client confidentiality now?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 This }{\i\f1\insrsid15037738 involves}{\i\f1\insrsid4484658  you.  What he tells me about himself and Deirdre doesn\rquote t}{\i\f1\insrsid4465899 , not directly}{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid3954416 
How did you get on with Stacy?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3954416 Stacy?
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3954416 Did she call on you often?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid3954416 No.  Not often.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid3954416 Did you like her?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 No.  I didn\rquote t }{\f1\insrsid1319562 really }{\f1\insrsid4484658 want to.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 Because of what she does?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 Yes. 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 It can be a hard thing for other women to deal with.  You didn\rquote t like her around your children?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 No.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 Because you didn\rquote t know where she\rquote d been?  And with whom?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 I guess so.  I mean, she is just a glorified call-girl.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 I suppose that\rquote s one way of looking at it.  How did Jeff get on with her?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 Oh, they were like kids together.  Our kids loved her.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 But she didn\rquote t call often.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 Too busy, I guess.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 Did you ever talk to her about Jeff and Deirdre?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4484658 No.  I\'85   Well, I guess she\rquote d have been on their side, maybe.}{\f1\insrsid16673206    After all, considering the world she lives in, a little incest\rquote s not going to bother her.}{\f1\insrsid4484658 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16673206 Maybe}{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 .  }{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 Do you think she knew what was going on between Jeff and Deirdre?}{\i\f1\insrsid4484658 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6690156 I don\rquote t know.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 Do you think she could not have known?  According to Deirdre\rquote s little story Stacy knew that Jeff had snuck into her bedroom, and why.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6690156 I suppose if\'85  As kids\'85  She would probably have known.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 Not very nice, the three of them with this secret.  And you kept out of it all, even though they knew you probably knew.  Does the thought of that upset you.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6690156 Yes, of course.  But its over now.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 Yes.  Except, Penny, Deirdre\rquote s story tells us that nothing very much happened in her bedroom that night, and that Jeff never had intercourse with her. }{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 Never. }{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 
 Which is what Jeff says.  And I believe them both.  }{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 In fact we know it is true, because Deirdre was still virgo intacta, a virgin, when she died.}{\i\f1\insrsid13524686 
  And in her story she laments the fact that Jeff was faithful to you.  Completely.  And that she wished you knew how lucky you were.}{\i\f1\insrsid6690156 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13524686 
\par Penny?
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13524686 Y}{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 ou got it wrong}{\i\f1\insrsid13524686 ,}{\i\f1\insrsid13524686\charrsid13524686  }{\i\f1\insrsid13524686 didn\rquote t you?}{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 
\par 
\par You made a big mistake,  You}{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 \rquote }{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 ve made a big}{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 , terrible}{\i\f1\insrsid8664563  mistake}{\i\f1\insrsid1319562  and you\rquote re not going to be able to hide it and you\rquote 
re not going to be able to live with it unless you face the }{\i\f1\insrsid2699431 truth and the }{\i\f1\insrsid1319562 consequences}{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 .
\par 
\par Penny, the police don\rquote t know exactly when Deirdre died because }{\i\f1\insrsid15037738 her body}{\i\f1\insrsid8664563  wasn\rquote t found until the morning.  But among the state
ments the police took from the other residents is a report of someone leaving the block during the evening.  A woman who might have been Stacy.  But a woman who also might have been you.
\par 
\par I don\rquote t believe you meant to kill her.  What happened, Penny?
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid8664563 I just wanted to tell her to leave us alone.  Leave Jeff alone.  That it wasn\rquote t right, hi}{\f1\insrsid13524686 m}{\f1\insrsid8664563  being her brother. }{\f1\insrsid13524686  And them\'85}{\f1\insrsid8664563 
 Tell her to find a man like any other woman.  That if she didn\rquote t I\rquote d take the kids and leave Jeff, and let everyone know what had been going one, so that he wouldn\rquote 
t be allowed within a mile of them.  She knew what that would do to him.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5316579 Go on.}{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5316579 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5316579 She agreed.  She said she knew she had no right.  That Jeff belonged to me.  But she told me she wanted him so much.  Begged me to send him to }{\f1\insrsid13524686 her}{\f1\insrsid5316579 
 for just one night.  She said if I sent him it would be OK, whatever than means}{\f1\insrsid2699431 .  T}{\f1\insrsid5316579 hat if I told him she wanted him and sent him to her he would understand and she would be free.  Just o
ne night and she promised to leave us alone, leave Jeff alone.  Like I said, she was unbalanced.
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid5316579 Go on.
\par 
\par }{\f1\insrsid5316579 Well, I mean\'85 It was ridiculous.  }{\f1\insrsid2699431 Actually a}{\f1\insrsid5316579 sking me to send my husband, her }{\f1\insrsid2699431 own }{\f1\insrsid5316579 brother, to her for a night of sex? }{\f1\insrsid2699431 
  Expecting me to tell him that his sister wanted him}{\f1\insrsid13524686  to have sex with her and t}{\f1\insrsid15037738 hat}{\f1\insrsid13524686  }{\f1\insrsid15037738 it would be all right for him }{\f1\insrsid13524686 to go do it}{
\f1\insrsid2699431 ?}{\f1\insrsid5316579  How could anyone expect me to agree to that.  I told her to her face that }{\f1\insrsid2699431 it was worse than I\rquote d thought, that }{\f1\insrsid5316579 I thought she was sick, that she was mental, and tur
ned to go and she just\'85  She was crying and raging and begging and clawing at me and I just pushed her away.  But she was so small.  I pushed and she just wasn\rquote t there.  She didn\rquote 
t scream or anything. The door was open and she just went backwards onto the balcony and over the railing I\'85  I couldn\rquote t do anything.  I didn\rquote t mean it}{\f1\insrsid7219755 .  I didn\rquote t mean to kill her.  I didn\rquote 
t mean to hurt her.  She was so small, and I was frightened, I just pushed her away\'85}{\f1\insrsid5316579 
\par }{\f1\insrsid7219755 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid7219755 OK Penny.  I believe you.  I know it was an awful, tragic accident, although if it\rquote s any consolation I don\rquote t think Deidre would hold it against you.  In fact I think she might even say you\rquote 
d done her a favour, and that she probably allowed it to happen.  Let herself go over the railings}{\i\f1\insrsid13524686 , and to a kind of peace}{\i\f1\insrsid7219755 .
\par 
\par You\rquote re going to have to tell this all over again to the police, and I\rquote m afraid the next few months are going to be very difficult for you.  For you, for Jeff and for Stacy.  I don\rquote t know how it\rquote 
s going to turn out and if I can help in any way I will.  Please don\rquote t say any more.  I\rquote m ending this interview and will have to call the police}{\i\f1\insrsid2699431  now}{\i\f1\insrsid7219755 .}{\i\f1\insrsid7219755\charrsid7219755 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8664563 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid8664563\charrsid6690156 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6690156 
\par }{\f1\insrsid6690156\charrsid6690156 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\tx8581\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid4465899 {\i\f1\insrsid3954416 
\par }\pard \ql \li0\ri0\nowidctlpar\wrapdefault\faauto\rin0\lin0\itap0\pararsid8877502 {\f1\insrsid3954416\charrsid3954416 
\par }{\f1\insrsid4461632 
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\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13791819\charrsid7239019 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 .
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid13791819\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid16405841\charrsid7239019 
\par .}{\i\f1\insrsid2377932\charrsid7239019 
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\par 
\par }{\i\f1\insrsid14947190\charrsid7239019 
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\par }{\f1\insrsid5008298\charrsid7239019 
\par 
\par }}