Victoria asked, "Where are the kids?"
"I took them over to John's Farm. They'll spend the night there," John answered.
"Will they be okay alone?" Victoria asked.
John answered, "They promised they wouldn't ride their dirt bikes."
"Dirt bikes? What kind of dirt bikes?" Victoria asked.
"They've got Yamaha dirt bikes," John said.
"Those are motorcycles."
"Yes," John said. "Don't worry. They've got all of the proper safety equipment."
Victoria sat there staring at the wall trying to get control of her temper. The idea that her babies were engaged in such a dangerous past-time bothered her tremendously. She didn't appreciate his cavalier attitude about it.
"It appears that I know very little about the kids," Victoria said.
"Yep."
Taken aback by his rather short and abrupt answer, Victoria said, "You aren't helping me, here."
"I know. You've dug a pretty deep hole for yourself," John said. "To tell the truth, I've got no idea how you are going to dig your way out."
Victoria bit her lower lip thinking that she in a lot of trouble here. John wasn't giving her much hope.
With her voice catching in her throat, she asked, "Are you going to divorce me?"
John had gotten divorce papers several months ago thinking he could use them to shock her into listening to him. He hadn't had the heart to use them and had no intention of following up on the threat they represented.
He answered, "No. I'll admit that the kids really want me to divorce you, but I don't want that. I love you and I want to grow old with you."
"Thank you," Victoria said.
"The key there is 'with you.' This whole ships passing in the night lifestyle you've adopted is beginning to get to me," John said.
"I kind of figured that out," Victoria said.
John asked, "So what are you going to do about it?"
"I need to know a few things before I can make any decisions," Victoria said.
"What?"
Victoria asked, "How much are you worth?"
John rubbed his chin before answering, "Pixor Toys has offered me close to thirty million for my game company. The kids each own ten percent of the company. If you take out their nine million, I'm worth a little over twenty-three to twenty-four million."
"Wow," Victoria said staggered by the amount. "How did that happen?"
John said, "About six months before you went to work, I wrote a little computer game for the kids. They really loved it and I thought – why don't I sell it to others? I figured that if our kids enjoyed it so would other kids. I got an artist to improve the artwork and a distributor to handle distribution.
"That one little game was soon bringing in more money than all of my contract programming jobs. I cut back on my contract programming to write another game. That was about the time when you took your job."
"I remember that. I was furious that you were not trying to get more contracts," Victoria said. "I didn't realize you had sold a game or how much money you were earning."
John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He remembered telling her that his business was doing much better and he wouldn't have to pursue so many contracts. She had stormed out of the room. Finally, he said, "You didn't let me tell you. Every time I tried to explain my plans, you basically shut me down."
"I'm sorry," Victoria said.
John said, "Well, I got two more games out that first year. I would have gotten out more, but I had some money issues. I needed to buy the game platforms necessary to increase my penetration into the game market."
"And I was buying clothes."
"Yes," John said. "Although your shopping habits were a big deal to me at the time, it turned out that it wasn't all that important. It wasn't long before my business was bringing in nearly a quarter of a million dollars a year. It has increased to over a million dollars a year. My biggest expenses were the artist and distributor. Actually, that's not true. I make Uncle Sugar very happy on tax day."
"I didn't know," Victoria said.
She wondered if he laughed every time she boasted about her great salary. She had been so proud of the money she was making. Now she was embarrassed by it.
"You didn't really let me tell you," John said. "Most of the money fights we had weren't about our lack of money. They were about you not listening to me when I was telling you that we had money."
"In my defense, you weren't very credible as a businessman. I was working for a very successful man with a hundred employees. I attended meetings with men who dealt with millions of dollars. They were intensely serious men who wore suits, carried briefcases, and were surrounded by assistants. You were laid back and wore blue jeans and tee shirts," Victoria said.
"That's true, but I'm a geek. We operate by different rules," John said with a smile.
"I should have listened to you," Victoria said.
John said, "I won't argue with you about that."
"You said that the each of the kids own ten percent of the company. How did that happen?" Victoria asked.
"I gave it to them when I incorporated the game company. You see, they kept coming up with great ideas for games. I produced them and they all sold like hotcakes. It was that old ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration. They had the ten percent inspiration so I gave them ten percent each," John said.
Victoria asked, "What about me?"
"We're partners for life," John answered.
Victoria said, "The kids don't feel that way."
"That's true," John said.
"What happened?" Victoria asked.
John said, "According to the kids you abandoned them."
"I didn't."
"In a way you did," John said.
"Explain it to me," Victoria said.
John stood up and paced around the room for a minute trying to get his thoughts organized. He said, "This is a conversation that I never wanted to have."
"I heard enough of what the kids said in the kitchen to know what they think," Victoria said. "My little Rosie ... she hates me."
"Yeah ... well," John said. "What can I say about that?"
Victoria said, "So what did I do wrong?"
"It's a long story. Some of it I knew, some of it the kids told me, and some of it I got from Sid," John said.
"Sid?"
"He came over to the house the Saturday after you left. That was when Rose found out that you weren't having an affair with him. She learned that it was impossible because of his cancer. You might not believe this, but she was devastated to learn that. She ran into her room and wouldn't talk to me. Sid went to her. She did talk to him and he filled me in on parts of the story," John said.
Victoria said, "I didn't know he talked to her."
"They talked for about two hours," John said. "Like I said, it is a long story."
"Just tell it to me," Victoria said.
John took a deep breath. "Even before you got your job, Rose knew that you were excited and anxious about something. She was worried, but wasn't sure what was bothering her about your behavior. Then you had your interview with Sid and he hired you. You came home wired. Rose might have been six, but she wasn't stupid. She knew something important had happened, but she didn't know what. She felt a sense of doom hanging over the house.
"Each day closer to the day she started school, the feeling she had that you were just waiting for her to be out of the way got stronger. To be honest, you couldn't wait for her to head off to school so that you could start your job."
"That's true. I'm not sure that I even tried to hide it," Victoria said. "I was anticipating an end to our financial troubles. I had been planning that day for more than a year."
John said, "Then came the first day of school. You and I took Rose to school. I remember how she strutted the whole way there. You were nervous, worried, and excited about how she would like it. I was just the proud daddy.
"After dropping her off, you went off to work and I went home. I followed the three kids when they walked home that afternoon. They were all excited about their first day at school. Rose was skipping around in excitement. When she hit home, she tore through the house to tell you all about her day.
"You weren't there.
"Rose told Sid a little thing about that day that I never knew. For years Rose had watched you greet David and Lisa with milk and cookies when they came home from school. Coming home from her first day, she bounced into the kitchen expecting to find you holding a glass of milk and a plate of homemade cookies for her. Instead, she found me serving fruit juice and sliced apples.
"Can you spell disappointment?
"In my defense, I didn't know about the milk and cookies thing. I was still settling into being a house husband. I figured you wanted them to have healthy snacks so I greeted them every day with juice and fruits.
"I didn't realize why Rose was so quiet that afternoon. To be honest, all of the kids were quiet that day. I think they were trying to figure out what was happening. You had never told them that you were going to work.
"According to Sid, the situation only got worse when you came home from work that night. You breezed into the house like you didn't have a care in the world. You were excited about your new job. It never crossed your mind to ask the kids or me about our day.
"You dominated the conversation at dinner that night. You regaled us with a description of your new office. You told about all of the people you had met. You talked about your responsibilities. The kids didn't understand half of it. They just recognized that you were ignoring them.
"In hind sight, I realize I was part of the problem. I had spent the afternoon talking to the kids about their day. When you came home, I encouraged you to talk about your day. It never dawned on me that we were preventing the kids from sharing their day with you.
"All three kids went to bed disappointed in you. Rose's feeling were really hurt. The first day of first grade is really a special landmark for a child and it turned to shit. Her worst fears were being realized.
"She didn't know why you were going off to work. To her, it was that you wanted to get away from her. You've got to remember that the world for a six year old is pretty simple. If you don't want to be with her then it is because you don't like her."
Victoria said, "I had no idea. She must have been crushed."
"She was. I didn't know it, but she was. In fact, she still is.
"The next day the after school program was a repeat of the previous day. I think she had hoped your absence after school was an abnormality. It wasn't. In fact, I don't think you ever were here when Rose came home from school.
"I was not aware of Rose's problem. I had just assumed that her changes in behavior were part of going to school. She had just become a little quieter. She cheered up when I did things with her. In fact, she did her best to become my best friend. If losing her mother was a disaster, then it would have been a cataclysm to lose her father too.
"I honestly enjoyed having her around, but she had a huge complex of insecurity because of your absence. You should have seen her the night I took her to the father daughter night with the girl scouts. She knew that I had other things to do, but I dropped them for her. You'd have thought she won the lottery.
Victoria said, "She was a girl scout?"
"She still is one," John answered. "She's a Cadet. Lisa is Senior Girl Scout."
"Why didn't I know?" Victoria asked.
John answered, "You didn't ask and they didn't tell you."
"Each school event that you missed added fuel to her fire of resentment. I sat through little plays held in the middle of the day. At most of them I was the only father. I was surrounded by mothers and grandparents. At the end each performance, she would take her bow and then point at me shouting, 'That's my daddy!'
"When you started traveling a lot an even greater distance between you and the kids emerged. When you were here, you weren't really here; at least not for them. You're mind was on work. You never asked about how things were going in school for them. You weren't here to see their report cards.
"Lisa had a time when she really needed you. She got her first period at school. I didn't know about making sure young girls her age had feminine products on hand. I got a call from the school to pick her up. Totally out of my element, I called Ann for advice and she sent me to the school nurse. Lisa never complained to me about it, but it was obvious that I had blown it. The fact is -- I didn't know what to do.
"On the other hand, Rose heard all about it from Lisa. I think that half of her desperation to get rid of you is to get a new mother who will be there for her when her period starts. She's been talking to the women in the neighborhood about it and she has lots of volunteers. Still, it wouldn't be the same coming from one of them.
Victoria said, "I still think of them as little children. They aren't. They are teenagers and I missed noticing that."
John said, "I could see by how you were treating them that you had lost touch with them. It was like they stayed the same age as when you started working. That little crack about getting a babysitter is just an example.
"A month ago you asked Rose if she wanted you to read her a bedtime story. That was a real bad move on your part. You basically treated her like she was still six years old. She's twelve. She's at the age where she needs hugs and assurances that she can do well at some times and where you have to stand back to let her grow at other times. She very touchy about being treated as a child.
"That comment started all of the talk about divorce. All three kids decided that was the straw that broke the camel's back. They saw it as evidence that you were totally oblivious to their growth as human beings. You were treating them like dolls that you could take down from the shelf and play with when you wanted. In short, you were a lousy mother and they wanted a better one."
"Oh my God," Victoria said.
"Rose really lost it. You see, she had decided that you and Sid were having an affair."
Victoria said, "She's a child. How can she be thinking about things like that?"
She had never thought the children would even imagine that their mother could have an affair. She had considered that John might think that, but she believed his trust in her would stave off any doubts about her fidelity.
"You're forgetting that she goes to school with kids whose parents are divorced because of infidelity. Kids today know more about bad behavior among adults than we do," John said.
"That's a shame," Victoria said.
John said, "Rose was convinced that as soon as she turned eighteen, that you were going to divorce me and marry Sid. She was putting herself in the role of holding you back from what you wanted. She had put you in the role of the selfish woman who was destroying a good man, namely me."
Victoria said, "There were a lot of opportunities for me to stray. Almost every day I was approached by men wanting to bed me. I had to adopt an extremely professional business persona to keep the wolves away. I became a master of the put-down. In order to keep people from trying to be too friendly, I never smiled in public. I never asked for or accepted any help from a man. If I needed help, I ordered people to do it. Everything was business for me. If some man was too persistent, Sid would quietly inform him that insulting me was as good as insulting him."
"I know all about your dragon lady persona. You came home from your trips in that persona and stayed like that for most of your visit here. That only made things worse with the kids. You weren't very friendly with them," John said.
"I must have really looked like a witch," Victoria said.
John said, "I just treated you like two different women. There was Victoria the business bitch and Vicki the loving wife. I even called you by the different names when you were here."
"I never noticed that," Victoria said looking at him puzzled.
John said, "Right now, I'm talking to Victoria."
"You think I'm acting like a bitch?" Victoria asked.
John said, "You haven't smiled at me once since you arrived. You haven't touched me, kissed me, or murmured any kind of endearment in my direction. You're still in your Victoria persona."
Victoria was stunned by his observation. She hadn't even been aware that she was still maintaining her business persona.
"I didn't realize that."
"In a way, that makes it easier to have this discussion. Your Vicki persona would have been in tears when I talked about Rose standing in the kitchen expecting you to be there waiting to celebrate her first day of school with milk and cookies. Your Victoria persona views it like a bad business move. It is like you view it as too bad, next time I'll handle the situation better," John said.
Victoria sat there staring at him. His words had cut straight through to the heart of the situation. It seemed to her like he knew her better than she knew herself. If he was right, there was ample justification for the kids wanting her to leave.
John said, "Getting back to the situation with Sid. Rose was convinced that you and Sid were having an affair. In her mind, you having an affair was very important to her self-esteem. You see, she felt that if you were sleeping with him that it meant you didn't abandon her because of her, but because you were led astray by an evil man.
"When she found out about Sid's inability to perform the role of seducer, then there was only one thing she could find to explain your behavior. She was a disappointment to you and you had to distance yourself from her. She believes that she drove you away."
Victoria said, "She can't really believe that."
"She does."
"What can I say to her to convince her otherwise?" Victoria asked.
"I have no idea. Nothing I've been able to say has convinced her otherwise," John said.
"Maybe we should see a counselor," Victoria suggested.
John stared at her for a minute. It was long enough to make her squirm. Finally, he said, "Victoria, that is a perfect business solution. The negotiations are not going well so you bring in an arbitrator."
"I didn't mean it like that," Victoria said defensively.
John said, "You haven't even tried to tell her your feelings and you're talking about bringing in a third party. You haven't hugged her, wept in front of her, or proclaimed your love for her. You want to know what to say to her. That's not going to do it. You are going to have to show her.
"Victoria, I hate to say this, but you are not acting like a mother."
"I am her mother."
John said, "That little girl is going to put you through hell. She's going to say the meanest things imaginable to you. She's going to trample on everything you hold dear. Every nice thing you say is going to be twisted into an insult. She's not going to give you a single break. Half of the time you won't know what to say or do.
"She's going to push you to your breaking point. She's going to test the very depth of your love for her and if it isn't deep enough, she'll be gone. You'll never get her back.
"David and Lisa won't be any help. They are going to watch you to see how you react and their judgements aren't going to be very favorable no matter what you do. You're going to have to fight to get them on your side and that isn't going to be easy. You see, they've been on Rose's side for six years."
"You make it sound hopeless," Victoria said.
"If you were to die today, the only reason she would attend your funeral is to piss on your grave," John said sadly.
"My God. She hates me that much?" Victoria asked.
"The short answer is yes," John replied.
"How did it get to this point?" Victoria asked.
Despite knowing that it was a rhetorical question, John answered, "I blame myself for some of it. For one, I wasn't aware of just how hurt Rose had been by your actions. If I had known, I would have talked to her and explained things while she was still willing to listen.
"The other day I remembered an incident in which Rose asked me if you were a stepmother. I laughed at her question not realizing why she was asking that. She had just watched Cinderella on cable and, in her subtle way, she wanted to know if you acted the way you did because you were an evil stepmother. I missed the whole point of her question.
"For another, I should have put my foot down years ago and told you that you were a lousy mother. I could see it. Victoria would come home from a trip and start barking orders at the kids like they were employees. They got to the point where they just fled when you got home.
"Neither of us noticed how many Friday nights and Saturdays the kids spent over at their friends' houses. I had assumed it was just part of kids being kids. In hind sight, I realize that I should have known better. They were responding to Victoria by avoiding her.
"The one saving grace was that by Sunday you would revert to being Vicki. The trips to church were pleasant and performed as a family. You acted like a mother by fussing over their clothes and you would tell them that they looked good. Sunday lunches were usually pretty calm.
"Over the years though, they started to see Vicki as being an act for the public. As far as they were concerned, Victoria was the true you. My arguments to the contrary fell on deaf ears. To tell the truth, even I was beginning to wonder if Victoria was your true personality."
"Sundays were my favorite day of the week," Victoria said.
John said, "I really should have had this talk with you years ago. Unfortunately, I didn't understand the full situation. They were using their conviction that you were cheating on me as a wedge to drive us apart. I responded to that and not the real problem. Even my response was just a general denial. I probably should have shown them the private detective's report..."
Victoria sat up straight and screeched, "Private detective? You hired a private detective to follow me? How dare you?"
John replied, "Yes, I hired a private detective to follow you. I had to. You see, I had married Vicki and Victoria was coming home from those business trips. I didn't like Victoria."
"You should have known that I'd never cheat on you," Victoria said.
"I knew Vicki wouldn't, but I didn't know if Victoria wouldn't."
Victoria said, "That hurts."
John said, "Imagine if the situation was reversed. I'm traveling every week with some young attractive woman. When I come home, I'm a mean domineering bastard barking out orders to everyone. Imagine how you would feel if every attempt to be intimate with me was met with hostility.
"What would you think was going on? Would you think that I was being a bastard because I wasn't cheating on you? Or would you think that young tasty bit of woman was bedding me?
"Don't kid yourself, you would have assumed that I was getting my pipes cleaned away from home."
"But Sid couldn't," Victoria protested.
"You never told me that. I learned that when I read the detective's report. I still didn't believe it until Ann confirmed it," John said.
"I guess I should have told you," Victoria said.
John said, "I probably wouldn't have believed you. I hate to admit it, but the kid's allegations that you were cheating on me fell on fertile soil. Even after finding out about Sid, I wondered if there were times when you were hanging around the hotel bars picking up strange men."
"Jesus, I really blew it," Victoria said.
Everything she had worked for over the past six years had crumbled to dust. She had prided herself on supporting the family with a necessary income only to discover that her money was chump change. Her single minded focus on money had lost her her family. She had trampled all over her husband's trust in her and had severely damaged it.
John nodded his head in agreement. "We both blew it. The victims in this mess are the kids."
"They still love you," Victoria said.
"They've been losing respect for me over the past year. They felt that I was a cuckold in denial," John said.
"But you knew otherwise."
John said, "They didn't know that."
"I guess they didn't at that," Victoria said softly.
"I never knew that being a parent was so hard," John said. He sighed. "I really tried to be a good father."
"A good father needs the support of a good mother," Victoria said.
"True."