There was a heavy pressure on Guy's chest when he woke. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. It took a moment for him to remember that he was on the couch at Selena's home. He looked down at his chest to find out what was pressing down on him.
There was a black and white cat stretched out on his chest in a pose reminiscent of the Sphinx in Egypt. It was staring him in the eye.
"Hello, cat," Guy said.
The cat gave him one of those looks that only a cat can make. At least it wasn't scared off.
"I hope you're feeling better this morning than I am."
Guy reached up and ran a hand along the back of the cat. The cat started to purr.
"That's it. Time to get that rumble machine going," Guy said.
He started rubbing the cat along the side of its neck. It closed its eyes and leaned its head into his hand. The purring got even deeper.
"You like that," Guy said realizing that he had really missed having a pet.
Selena came out of the bedroom wearing a fluffy yellow bathrobe. She looked over at the sofa on which Guy had slept and took in the scene. She had never seen the cat acting like that with anyone. It was usually pretty skittish around people.
She said, "I see you've met the cat."
"Indeed I have," he answered.
"It never cared for Mike."
Guy said, "This cat has impeccable taste when it comes to people."
"You might be right," Selena said. "I'll start some coffee."
Still petting the cat, Guy asked, "How are you feeling this morning?"
"I expected to feel worse than I do. I'm glad you had me drink all that water," Selena said.
"Dehydration makes a hangover even worse," he said. "We'd feel a lot better if we had a little hair of the dog that bit us."
Selena said, "You seem to know a lot about dealing with hangovers. Have them often?"
"Not really. I don't really approve of drinking all that much. Don't get me wrong – I've tied on a few in my time, but I don't make it a habit," Guy replied.
"Well, discovering that your wife has given you a gift like an STD sounds like a perfect excuse to me," Selena said while entering the kitchen.
"I'm not going to argue with you on that one," Guy said.
Selena said, "I think I've got some whiskey here. I'll add a little to the coffee."
"That would be good," Guy said.
The conversation was disturbing the cat and he could tell that it was getting ready to leave. It had about as much affection as it could stand for the moment.
"Go on. I can tell you're getting antsy," Guy said giving the cat one final stroke along its back.
"What did you say?" Selena asked.
"I was just saying goodbye to the cat," Guy answered.
The cat disappeared through the open window. Guy watched it go with a smile. He kind of liked that independent character of cats. They come to you, get what they want, and then go on their way. If you are ready for them, great, and if not, then no big deal.
He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. With Selena in the little kitchen nook, he realized it was a good time to get dressed. He slipped on his pants. He grabbed his shirt noticing that it was pretty wrinkled. He had just wadded it up and thrown it on floor the previous night.
"How do you take your coffee?" Selena asked.
"Black with a spoonful of sugar," Guy answered.
"Okay," Selena called back.
Selena came out of the kitchen carrying two cups of coffee. She set one down on the coffee table. Guy picked it up and took a drink. He could taste the whiskey in it.
"My mouth tastes like a herd of camels slept in it," Guy said.
"I know what you mean. The first thing I did this morning was brush my teeth," Selena said.
Guy replied, "I'm guess I'm going to have to go home sometime today if only to get my toothbrush."
"What are you going to do?" Selena asked.
"I don't know. Divorce the bitch, I guess. I haven't thought that far ahead," he answered.
He wondered how he was going to explain his overnight absence. This was the first time that he had ever stayed out overnight without her knowing exactly where he was and what he was doing. Disappearing for a night wasn't exactly the kind of behavior one expected of a good husband.
Selena said, "It sounds reasonable to me."
"Why wasn't I enough for her? She was everything to me," Guy asked slumping down.
Selena said, "Those kinds of questions will drive you crazy. The Lord knows that I've spent more than one evening at home wondering why men aren't attracted to me. I know that I'm not what most men consider to be a pretty woman, but I'm not truly ugly."
"You're a fine looking woman," Guy said.
Selena said, "Bullshit. I'm big boned and hefty looking."
"So? You've got a substantial rack. I know a couple guys who'd suffocate to death while exploring those puppies," Guy replied.
Selena laughed. "At least you're honest."
"Well, the way I figure it is that you've got what God gave you," Guy said. "That's all we all have."
"So what are you going to tell your wife?" Selena asked.
Guy answered, "I'll tell her the truth. I went to a bar, got in a fight, got drunk, crashed at someone's house, and woke up wondering where the hell I was. I'll just leave out a few details."
"Like what?"
"It was your house where I spent the night," Guy answered. "I won't feel too guilty lying to her considering the lies she must be telling me."
"So are you going to stay there?" Selena asked.
Guy said, "I'm going to collect some evidence of her cheating before I divorce her."
"It won't do you any good. This is a community property state with no fault divorces. You'll have a fifty-fifty split no matter what she's done," Selena said.
"I'll be able to walk away with a clean conscience," Guy said.
"You can do that now."
"I suppose," Guy said.
He wasn't willing to say aloud that he wanted a chance to make his wife feel just as bad as he was feeling at the moment. He didn't know how he was going to do it, but she was going to pay.
Selena finished her coffee and then announced, "I better get dressed. I've got to get to work."
"I'll call a cab. He can drop us off at the bar so we can get our cars," Guy said.
An hour later, Guy walked into his house. His wife was waiting for him. She did not look very happy to see him. Guy didn't expect anything less. He definitely wasn't expecting to see her relieved that he was home safe.
She screeched, "Where were you?"
"It's a long story," Guy answered tiredly.
He looked at his wife. She was an attractive woman, but there was a lean hardness to her that he had never noticed before. He remembered her looking a lot softer when they were first married. Now, she looked bitter. She wasn't aging well.
"Start talking. I've got all day," she said. She crossed her arms and glared at him.
'Keep to the truth, ' Guy thought. He said, "Well, I had a bad day yesterday. You know, one of those days where you want to come home, kick the dog, beat the wife, and throw the kids out of the house. I had one of those kinds of days."
"So you didn't come home," she said tightly.
He noticed that she didn't ask why he had a bad day. It was obvious to him that she was convinced he went out and found some woman last night. It was written all over her face what she believed had happened.
"I figured I would stop off at a bar on the way home to have drink and cool off. I'd had a couple of drinks when a couple guys with shotguns came in to rob the place."
Not believing a word he was saying, she said, "Ths is going to be a whopper. You could have used that aliens kidnapped you. That's about as believable as a couple of robbers using you as a hostage in their getaway."
"Me and couple other folks proceeded to take care of the matter. We kicked the shit of those two. They're in the hospital now," Guy said.
"If you are going to make up a story, you might as well try making up one that I would believe," she said.
She suspected that he had picked up some floozy at a bar and spent the night with her. She didn't like the idea of that and he was going to pay.
"There's a police report on it. I'll probably have to testify in court," Guy said.
"So is this when the aliens grabbed you?" she asked sharply.
"Maggie, there weren't any aliens. After taking care of the robbers, I got drunk and passed out," Guy answered.
The doorbell rang. Guy, still standing next to the door, opened it. Old Fred Forester from across the street was standing there with a grin on his face. He grabbed Guy's hand and started shaking it. "I want shake your hand. You're a hero."
"What?" Guy asked confused by Fred's actions.
"I saw you on television last night," Fred said.
"Television?" Guy asked having no idea of what Fred was talking about.
"They had a tape of the robbery on there. You and them other folks did really a number on those two robbers," Fred said.
"I didn't know it was on television," Guy said.
Listening to the conversation, Maggie was beginning to have some doubts about her ideas concerning Guy's activities of the previous evening. Fred was one of the biggest gossips in the neighborhood. She didn't think Guy would get him to back him up in some made up story.
Fred leaned through the door and shouted, "Hi Maggie. What do you think of old Guy here?"
"I'm not sure," Maggie answered.
"Did you see the tape on the news last night?" Fred asked.
Maggie said, "No. Guy was just telling me about it."
"There's a whole story about it in the newspaper. Those guys are suspects in about twenty armed robberies in the area," Fred said.
Surprised that a little bar robbery made it in the newspaper, Guy said, "You're kidding. It was in the newspaper?"
"We need more people like you in this world. There'd be no crime left if folks stood up to the criminals of this world," Fred said.
Maggie said, "So he stopped a robbery?"
"Yes, he did. Most folks would have sat around like sheep when those shotguns came out. Not Guy. No, Sir. Guy gets up and takes a swing at him. Then he kicked the daylights out of the bastard ... pardon my French, Maggie ... while the guy was down. It was beautiful," Fred said.
"Really?" Maggie said.
Fred said, "I noticed that you didn't come home last night."
"After the police got there, I got drunk and passed out," Guy said.
"Completely understandable. I'd have bought you a round of drinks if I had been there," Fred said slapping Guy on the back.
"I'd have appreciated it," Guy said thinking that Fred had no idea how much he was helping him. He was half tempted to take Fred out for a drink.
"So he really did stop a robbery?" Maggie asked seeking final confirmation.
"Yes," Fred said. "You should give this guy a steak breakfast. He deserves it."
"Thanks, Fred," Guy said.
"I better head back to the house. I saw you come in and just wanted to shake your hand. You did good," Fred said.
"Thanks," Guy said.
"Thanks," Maggie said.
Guy closed the door behind Fred. He smiled and then turned to Maggie. He said, "I didn't know it was on television or in the paper."
"I'll go get a copy of the newspaper," Maggie said.
"I better get cleaned up and then head over to work," Guy said thinking that he didn't want to sit around the house with his cheating wife. He had some errands to do.
"Okay," Maggie said. Fred's intervention had derailed her. She wasn't sure what to think now. "You could have called."
"Things were kind of weird," Guy said. "I was kind of caught up in the moment and then the moment kind of caught up to me."
"It is just that I was worried," Maggie said. "I sat here imagining all kinds of things when you didn't come home last night."
"Sorry," Guy said.
He had a pretty good idea of the kinds of things she was imagining. He doubted she was worried about him being lost or injured. More like she was imagining him doing the kinds of things she was doing.
He headed to the bedroom to take a shower and change his clothes. He paused by the unmade bed wondering what kind of action had taken place in it when he wasn't around. He looked around the room thinking thoughts that weren't exactly charitable towards his wife.