Sean picked up the video tape labeled intermission. When the credits finally rolled past, he stopped the VCR and popped out the Dr. No tape. He put in the intermission tape and hit play as quickly as possible. It was getting rather late for his mother to be honking the horn. He looked up as a film started a countdown to the end of intermission. It looked like something that had been made thirty years ago. Shaking his head, he said, "I wonder where she got this."
He looked over and spotted his mother walking into the house with Mrs. Emery. The two women were giggling like giddy school girls. His Dad and Mr. Emery were in line at the concession stand. He glanced over at the intermission film and saw that there were nine minutes to go before the end of intermission. He headed over to help Suzie.
Suzie looked over at him when he arrived and said, "Could you fix two sodas? Regular and Diet."
"Sure," Sean said grabbing two cups from the stack.
Mr. Emery said, "My date gets real excited watching Sean Connery."
"I know what you mean," Sean's dad said.
"I already got to first base," Mr. Emery said.
"Same here," Sean's dad said nudging Mr. Emery with an elbow. He winked and said, "I'm hoping that she'll go all the way tonight."
"I know what you mean," Mr. Emery said returning a similar wink and a nudge.
"Stop that! I can't fix your popcorn and listen to you talking like that," Suzie said with a horrified expression on her face.
"Why?" her father asked.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Suzie answered.
"Six minutes to go," Sean said glancing over at the intermission movie. He set the two drinks in the carry tray.
Mr. Emery said, "Hurry up. We need to be in the car before the movie starts."
"I need two sodas: one regular and one diet. One box of popcorn," Sean's father said.
Mr. Emery said, "When those two ladies get out of the women's room, why don't you give them each a candy bar? Tell them that we wanted our sweets to have some sweets."
"This is so wrong," Suzie said shaking her head.
Nodding his head in agreement, Sean said, "It is sick; that is what it is. Sick, sick, sick."
"What?" his father asked innocently.
"We're helping our fathers to score with our mothers," Sean said disgusted.
"Don't knock it until you've tried it," Sean's father said.
Mr. Emery said, "Hey, don't go giving that boy any ideas now."
"Sorry," Sean's father said. Turning to Sean, he said, "Keep it in your pants son. I know it is hard, but use your willpower to resist those evil urges."
"Listen to your father, son. He knows best," Mr. Emery said.
Sean stared at his father while the soda overflowed the cup. Realizing his hand was getting wet, he pulled the cup away. Shaking his head, he said, "You're talking to me like that after telling me about how you're hoping to get lucky with my mother."
"She's not your mother; she's my date," his father answered.
Sean put the two sodas in the carry tray. Suzie handed him the box of popcorn. He put it on the tray with the sodas and said, "Here you go."
"Can we ban them from the concession stand?" Suzie asked after they had stepped away from the table.
"I don't know," Sean answered staring at the two men heading back towards their cars. He was thankful that Lily was over with the Dwarves.
His attention returned to Suzie when she said, "Those two fellows wanted you to have some candy."
"Oh really," Sean's mother said while accepting a candy bar from Suzie.
"That's so nice of them. Did they say why?" Mrs. Emery asked holding up her candy bar.
Suzie grimaced and said, "Sweets for their sweets."
"Isn't that adorable?" Sean's mother said. She used the same little squeal when saying the word, 'adorable, ' that women use when talking about a cute baby.
"It is. It really is," Mrs. Emery said.
"How should we thank them?" Sean's mother asked.
Wiggling her eyebrows, Mrs. Emery said, "We're going to have to do something really nice for them."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sean's mother asked with a smile.
Smiling, Mrs. Emery turned to Suzie and asked, "Have you got any napkins back there? He gets so messy sometimes when he's eating popcorn. You just have to rub and rub and rub and then suddenly you have a bigger mess than what you started with."
"I could use some too," Sean's mother said.
"This is so wrong," Suzie said looking at the pair of women.
"I want to die. Kill me now," Sean said.
Suzie handed over two bunches of napkins to the mothers. Sean's mother said, "Oh, look. Intermission is almost over."
Sean looked at the screen and then ran over to the VCR to change the video tape. He had just reached it when he heard his mother scream, "Ahh!"
"Ahh!" Mrs. Emery screamed a fraction of a second later.
Sean looked over to see two screaming women pointing at Liam. The Leprechaun, deciding that it was some kind of new greeting, screamed, "Ahh!"
Sean's mother screamed, "Who are you?"
"Who are you?" Liam screamed back.
"I asked first!"
"I asked second!"
Just as the fathers arrived on the scene, Lily said, "Hi, Mom. This is Liam. He's a Leprechaun."
Sean's mother looked down at the little man for a second. She looked over at Mrs. Emery for a second. She looked back down at Liam. In a very conversational tone of voice, she asked, "Did I understand correctly that you are a Leprechaun?"
"That's right," Liam answered straightening the collar of his green suit coat.
Mrs. Emery looked at Sean's mother and, in a very soft voice, said, "I seem to remember a story or two about Leprechauns."
"Same here," Sean's mother said.
"Are you real Leprechaun?" Mrs. Emery asked.
"Yes," Liam said. He looked from woman to woman feeling very uncomfortable all of a sudden. He noticed the two men standing behind him. He muttered, "Why is it that I suddenly feel like a worm surrounded by robins?"
"Get him!" Mrs. Emery shouted as she reached for the little man dressed in green. As if by telepathy, Sean's mother was making her move on Liam as well.
Liam was long gone by the time either woman reached where he had been standing. Sean turned to Suzie and said, "He sure can move."
"I didn't even see him leave," Suzie said nodding her head. She hadn't seen Sean arrive either.
Looking around wildly, Sean's mother asked, "Where did he go?"
Lily stamped her foot and said, "You scared him away."
Patting Lily on the head, Sean's mother said, "Don't worry Lily, we'll get him tomorrow."
"You're right. There's a James Bond film to watch tonight," Mrs. Emery said.
"A woman must have her priorities," Sean's mother said.
"Are you okay?" Sean's father asked.
"I'm fine. Well, I'm a little disappointed. Actually, I'm a lot disappointed, but I'll get over it when I catch the little fellow," Sean's mother answered.
Mr. Emery asked, "How about you?"
"The only thing that could me feel better is a little James Bond," Mrs. Emery said.
Grinning, Sean pointed at the screen and said, "The film has started."
His words sparked a mad dash to the cars. Suzie commented, "They weren't that fast when they went after Liam."
Lily said, "You're right."
Sean said, "I would say that the introduction to the magic folks went well."
"Yes, it did," Suzie said. She ate a piece of popcorn out of the corn popper.
Lily tugged on Sean's shirt and said, "I'm tired. Can I go to sleep in my bed or do I have to go to the car?"
"I'd say that you could go to your bed," Sean said smiling down at his little sister. It was way past her normal bedtime.
Lily said, "Good night."
"Good night," Suzie said.
"Do you want me to tuck you in?" Sean asked.
"No, I have to act like a big girl now that I've become an orphan," Lily said with a sigh.
"Get in your pajamas. I'll come to your room in a couple of minutes," Sean said patting her on the head.
"Thanks, Sean," Lily said smiling up at him.
After Lily went into the house, Suzie said, "You sure are good with her."
"She's a neat kid," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.
"You'll make a great father someday," Suzie said. The idea of him being a good father excited her a lot more than the idea of him knowing his way around the kitchen.
"Do you think so?"
"Yes," Suzie said. She leaned over to kiss him.
There was a slight clearing of a throat. Sean looked down and said, "Hello, Chom."
"Hello Sean," Chom said.
Suzie said, "I'm a little surprised that you interrupted us. I thought you were waiting for him to catch me."
"To tell the truth, there was a lot more catching going on during that last play than we've seen you two engage in," Chom said.
Suzie rolled her eyes and said, "I'm sorry we're such a disappointment to you."
"Don't be sorry. We'll be more than happy to watch you after the play is over," Chom said.
"Thank you," Sean said glancing over at Suzie. She didn't look amused. He asked, "Until that time, what can we do for you?"
"We need some more of those wonderful beverages and boxes of food," Chom said.
"How many?" Suzie asked.
"The fairies are still working on their first beverage. I guess six of each," Chom answered.
"Liam left," Sean said.
"He'll be back," Chom said waving a hand in a dismissive manner.
"Okay," Suzie said.
Looking back at the house, Sean said, "Can you handle this? I should go tuck Lily into bed."
"Go ahead," Suzie said smiling at him.
Sean entered Lily's bedroom and found that she was in bed. He sat down on the edge of her bed and asked, "Did you have a good time tonight, Lily?"
"Yes, I did. I really like the fairies," Lily said smiling up at Sean.
"They are kind of cute, aren't they?" Sean said.
Lily giggled and said, "They said you were a pervert."
"They did, did they?"
Nodding her head, Lily said, "Rose said you checked out her naked body."
"How did that topic of conversation come up?" Sean asked. He was pretty sure that Rose wasn't going around telling everyone that he checked out her body.
"She caught me looking at her," Lily answered looking a little embarrassed.
"Ah," Sean said.
In a much softer voice that was filled with wonder, Lily said, "She sat on the palm of my hand. It was like holding a butterfly."
"She must like you a lot," Sean said.
"I guess," Lily said. She yawned and then said, "I'm sleepy."
Pulling the sheet up and tucking it around her, Sean said, "Sleep tight; don't let the bed bugs bite."
"If they do, I'll send them to Mom's room. That will kill them," Lily said sleepily.
Sean watched her drift off to sleep. He stood carefully so that he wouldn't disturb her sleep and tip-toed from the room. He left the door open a little knowing that his mother would be by to check up on her after the film ended.
Sean went outside and took a seat by Suzie. He asked, "Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?"
"No," Suzie answered, "I served up six drinks and popcorns for the Fairy Tale Gang."
"That's a good name for that motley crew seated in the peanut gallery over there," Sean said.
Suzie laughed and said, "Yes."
Sean looked over at the movie. He had missed so much of it that he wasn't really interested in watching it. Deciding that he'd rather talk, he said, "I can't believe our parents acting like that."
"They were just teasing us," Suzie said.
Picking up his soda, Sean took a sip. The straw made that sucking noise that announced to the world that his cup was empty. He said, "I don't think they were teasing us."
Suzie looked over at the two cars parked in the middle of the yard. She leaned forward and studied the car for a moment longer. Sitting back, she asked, "Isn't your mother supposed to be in the car with your father?"
"Yes," Sean said.
"I don't see her," Suzie said.
"I bet that she's off chasing Liam," Sean said.
Suzie looked over at the far end of the yard. She said, "Liam is over there watching the movie."
"So where is she?" Sean asked.
Suzie blushed when she spotted some movement in the car and said, "My mistake. She is in the car."
"Dad's head must have been blocking your view of her," Sean said. He looked over at the candy box debating about getting a little snack to eat.
"I don't think so," Suzie said squirming uncomfortably in her chair.
"Where's your mother?" Sean asked glancing over at the other car.
Suzie said, "Let's go in the house."
"Why?" Sean said puzzled.
Suzie realized that Sean had no idea what was going on. She said, "Our Dads are getting lucky."
"Oh," Sean said making a face like he had bitten into a lemon. He said, "Let's go in the house."
Sean led the way into the house with thoughts about what was going on in the backyard, how this was the first time he had been alone in his house with Suzie, and that the peanut gallery was distracted with the movie. All of those thoughts were just a little too much for his poor little mind and he started getting nervous. He said, "Let's sit down in the living room."
"Great," Suzie said. She was still feeling a little weird about what she had seen in the car.
Sean sat down on the couch with Suzie beside him. They sat side by side as if they were complete strangers. Wanting to break the uneasy silence that had settled over them, Sean said, "I imagine that we'll have to clean up after the movie is over."
"Probably," Suzie said.
"It is going to be a mess," Sean said stiffly. He had spilled some coke and it would get all sticky by the time the movie was over.
"Yes," Suzie said thinking about the messes suggested by her mother.
They sat side by side without talking for another few minutes. The tension seemed to build to very uncomfortable levels. In what he hoped was a real smooth move, Sean yawned, covered his mouth with his hand, and then laid his arm along the top of the couch behind Suzie. He hoped it all looked natural enough. He said, "I didn't realize that running a concession stand or projector was such hard work."
"The concession stand was busy," Suzie said.
He said, "You really did a good job running the concession stand."
"You were a lot of help," Suzie said.
Sean looked nervously around and let his arm move down around Suzie. When she didn't hit him, he relaxed a little. She settled into the crook of his arm with a little sigh. Feeling a little more confident, Sean pulled her a little towards him. He said, "I didn't want you doing all that hard work alone."
Suzie giggled and said, "This is ridiculous."
"What?" Sean said pulling his arm back.
Suzie said, "You're acting like this is our first date. Come here and kiss me."
Sean was good at following instructions and a very heavy make-out session followed. It lasted for a good half of an hour and ended with Suzie snuggled up to him. Unfortunately the hard day's work and the late hour caught up to them. The young couple fell asleep holding each other in an intimate embrace.
"Oh, look at that. Isn't that sweet?"
Sean heard someone taking, but he did his best to ignore it. He nestled up to Suzie dreaming that they were together like that all of the time.
"She's got her hand on his crotch and he's got a hand on her breast."
Sean heard that last voice. A little thought flitted through his mind, 'That was a man's voice and it wasn't Dad talking. Maybe I should wake up now.' He opened one eye and found Mr. Emery's face about a foot from his face. He said, "Awk."
Sean's sudden movement woke Suzie. Still half asleep, she said, "Oh, hello Daddy."
Managing to smile at Suzie while simultaneously glaring at Sean, Mr. Emery asked, "Are you ready to go to the nunnery?"
"Yes," Suzie answered. It took her a few seconds to make sense of the question. Realizing what her father had asked, she said, "No. I mean no, I'm not ready to go the nunnery."
Leaning over to Suzie, Mrs. Emery said, "I think your father is asking you to take your hand off of Sean's crotch."
"Oh," Suzie said moving her hand away as if it were on fire. Any residual sleep seemed to vanish in an instant.
Deciding that a change in subject and mood was in order, Sean pasted a very artificial smile on his face and asked, "Did you enjoy the movie?"
"Yes, I did," Mr. Emery answered.
"That's very good," Sean said wishing that his brain could come up with something else to say. He really didn't like the way that Mr. Emery was looking at him.
"Did you enjoy the movie?" Mr. Emery asked.
"I think so," Sean answered. His face was beginning to hurt from trying to hold the smile. He was afraid that if he frowned that would be the beginning of his end. He didn't his life to end at the moment.
Mr. Emery asked, "Are you enjoying holding her breast?"
"Oh my! Is that what I was holding?" Sean screamed making sure that his hand was no longer anywhere near Suzie's breast.
Mrs. Emery said, "Of course, he was enjoying it. Every young man enjoys breasts. They live for each and every opportunity to play with one."
"You're not helping, Mrs. Emery," Sean said between clenched teeth.
"Look at the bright side, honey. Even though her blouse is half unbuttoned, his hand was more or less outside the shirt. It could have been worse," Mrs. Emery said.
"You really aren't helping," Sean muttered. It looked to him like Mr. Emery had grown two feet taller.
Mr. Emery stood up and looked down at Sean. He asked, "Did you remember your father's advice?"
Sean sat there wondering to what advice Mr. Emery was making reference. Realizing that a reply was expected, he answered, "Of course."
"What was it that he said again?"
"Uh," Sean said looking around as if there might be a clue somewhere in the room with him.
"You don't remember, do you?" Mr. Emery asked.
"I remember all of his advice. I'm just a little short on clues as to which particular piece of advice you want me to recite," Sean said breaking out in a sweat.
"Something about willpower," Mr. Emery said.
Nodding his head, Sean said, "Oh, that one."
"What did he say again?" Mr. Emery asked.
"When it is hard, use your pants to keep it in your willpower," Sean answered. He frowned and muttered, "That wasn't quite right."
"What was that?" Mr. Emery asked.
"When it is hard, keep it in your pants until you can use your willpower on it," Sean said knowing he had blown it again. He muttered, "That definitely wasn't right."
"Maybe the third try is the charm."
Sean said, "When it is hard, use your willpower to keep it in your pants! I got it right that time."
"Did you?" Mr. Emery asked.
"Did I what?" Sean asked wondering if he had gotten it wrong again.
"Use your willpower?"
"You bet! I was so hard that I thought my pants were going to tear, but they didn't," Sean said thinking the whole time that he should just shut up. While others might have mastered that elusive mental power of mind over matter, Sean was still working on mind over mouth. He had a long way to go before mastering that particular mental power. He said, "I'm going to have to get some baggier pants because one of these days the zipper on this pair is going to bust wide open and that will be all she wrote."
"Isn't that cute?" Mrs. Emery said cheerfully, "He's babbling just like you used to when you would have little man to man talks with my daddy."
"I didn't babble," Mr. Emery said.
"Oh yes you did. I remember you telling my father that I had the sweetest ... Well, you remember what you said you had tasted," Mrs. Emery said realizing that she had almost said too much.
Throwing up his hands, Mr. Emery turned to his wife and asked, "How am I supposed to put the fear of God into him if you're making those kinds of comments?"
"Well, you're doing a good job of it," Mrs. Emery said. She gestured at Sean and said, "Look at him. He's quivering."
"This is my first opportunity to really terrify the boy. That's one of the greatest pleasures of being a father," Mr. Emery said.
Sean's father nodded his head in agreement and said, "That's true."
"Relax. You'll have another chance when you catch him sucking on her breasts," Mrs. Emery said.
Mr. Emery cheered up a little and said, "That's true."
"I'm so dead," Sean said.
Suzie said, "I'm going to die a virgin."