Sean stepped out of the front door to wait for Sam to arrive. His excitement made waiting difficult. Sam was finally delivering the truck and Sean had grand plans of taking Suzie out for a drive in it. Spotting Chom and the other Dwarves standing around, he asked, "What's up?"
"Nothing," Chom said looking up at Sean with an expression on his face that was just a little too innocent. The other Dwarves stood around nonchalantly looking into the air with their hands behind their backs.
Considering that the clanging, banging, and yelling from the workshop had stopped earlier that morning, Sean asked, "Did you finish what you were doing in the workshop?"
"Well, we've got some crude tools built. We've banged together a small anvil, hammers of various sizes, and tongs," Pip answered.
"Don't forget about the vises, devices, and advices," Thur said.
"What's an advice?" Sean asked.
Pip answered, "The best advice I know is to watch where you're stepping when you're walking in a barnyard."
All of the Dwarves broke out into laughter. Some were laughing so hard that they fell to the ground and rolled around. Slapping his thigh, Thur said, "They always fall for that one."
Holding her side, Clea said, "I love that joke."
"Me, too," Grum said.
Liam rolled his eyes and said, "Blacksmiths think they have a good sense of humor."
"We all know that cobblers have the best sense of humor," Agar said.
Sean was too interested in the truck that turned into the driveway to follow up with additional questions. Waiting three weeks for the truck had been a lot harder than he had thought it would be. Excited, he shouted, "Here it is."
"It is about time," Chom said rubbing his hands together.
Sam pulled up in the truck and got out while Sean stood near the door. He looked at the Dwarves all lined up eyeing the truck. He was reminded of runners waiting at the starting line of a big race. Handing the keys to Sean, Sam said, "I guess the truck is now yours."
"My own set of car keys," Sean said looking down at the keys in his hands.
Noticing that as soon as he had handed over the keys that the Dwarves had charged across the short distance to the truck, Sam said, "It is in good mechanical shape. I don't think you'll have any problems with it for a long time."
"That's great," Sean said. "I now own my own truck. I can't wait to drive it."
"That's good because I could use a ride home," Sam said with a smile.
"Let me get my driver's license and I'll give you a ride," Sean said. He noticed the Dwarves climbing all over the truck, but didn't give it much thought.
"Okay," Sam said.
"Why don't you come in the house for a minute?" Sean said opening the door.
"That would be nice," Sam said following Sean into the house. He stood by the door looking around at the décor of the living room. It was a much nicer house than he expected based on the reputation of the family as a bunch of oddballs.
Lily, seated upon the couch watching cartoons, looked over at Sam and said, "Hello, Sam."
"Hello, Lily," Sam said.
Lily asked, "Did you bring the truck?"
"Yes, I did," Sam said.
"Sean was so excited that it only took me five minutes to wake him up this morning," Lily said.
"Only five minutes? How long does it usually take you to wake him?" Sam asked.
"Half a day," Lily answered.
Sam frowned while thinking about all of the early morning visits Sean made to the store and said, "It seems to me that he's up pretty early. He has staggered into the store before sunrise on some occasions."
"Didn't you know that by the time the sun rises that the day is half over?" Lily asked.
Sam answered, "No, I didn't."
"It is," Lily said as if stating a well known fact. She pointed to the cartoon playing on the television and asked, "Are you familiar with this cartoon?"
"Yes, it is one of my favorites. I've always liked the cat," Sam said.
"I like the mouse. It is smarter than the cat," Lily said.
In that condescending voice that adults often use around precocious children, Sam said, "I guess you like the mouse because you're smart like the mouse."
"That's right," Lily said with a sweet smile. Someone talking to her in that tone of voice irritated her. She said, "I wonder what liking the cat says about you."
"I don't know," Sam said frowning at her.
"Why am I not surprised by that answer?" Lily asked in a bored voice while turning back to the television.
Sean returned and said, "I've got my wallet. We can go now."
"Great. I've got a lot of packing to do before leaving for school tomorrow," Sam said. Looking over at Lily, he said, "Goodbye, Lily."
"Goodbye, Sam," Lily said.
Sean opened the door and stepped out with Sam leading the way. They both stopped a few steps from the door. Sean asked, "Where's the truck?"
"I don't know," Sam answered with a frown.
Holding up the keys, Sean asked, "Is this the only set of keys?"
"Yes," Sam answered. Looking around the empty driveway, he asked, "Where are the Dwarves?"
"Uh oh," Sean answered. He ran to the backyard as fast as he could with Sam close behind him.
If it wasn't for all of the truck parts scattered across the entire lawn, Sean would never have known that there had been a white truck anywhere within miles of the place. The frame had been taken apart along the welds. Even the paint had been removed from the metal. A hubcap was hanging off the head of the Gnome who hadn't moved since the day he had arrived. Sean stared in shock at the mess.
Chom was standing in the middle of the yard holding up a cam shaft. He asked, "Does anyone know what this is?"
"No, but I'm sure that we can straighten it out in no time," Pip said.
Sean squawked, "What happened to my truck?"
Stroking her long thin beard, Clea answered, "It was in real bad shape. It is going to take a long time, maybe months, to fix all of the problems."
Tugging on his beard, Pip said, "Maybe years."
Nodding his head in agreement, Thur said, "Years and years, maybe longer."
"I was thinking the same thing," Chom said.
"Years?" Sean asked in a state of shock.
Liam was holding up a small piece of the seat cover. He said, "Look at this. It isn't even real leather."
"Horrible," Agar said shaking his head in dismay.
"It can't take years," Sean said.
"That's where you are wrong. It could take forever," Chom said.
"And a day," Pip added. He looked down at the section of tailpipe in his hand and shook his head. He said, "It is going to take ages to straighten this out."
Sean said, "It only took you three minutes to take it apart."
"That's the easy part," Chom said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"The hard part is figuring out what to do with all of the parts that are left over when you try to put it back together," Pip said.
"Sometimes you run out of parts. That really slows you down," Clea said. A couple of the Dwarves nodded their heads in agreement.
"Nothing is worse than trying to figure out what parts had been left out when they made it the first time," Thur said.
"That's definitely hard to do," Grum said.
Wiping his forehead, Sean said, "I need to take Sam home."
"No need to do that," Chom said dismissively.
Pip said, "He can stay here until we get it put back together."
"No he can't," Sean said.
Chom snorted and said, "That's rather rude."
"That's no way to treat a guest," Pip said.
"You can say that again," Clea said.
"If you insist," Pip said bowing to Clea. He repeated, "That's no way to treat a guest."
Sean rolled his eyes and said, "I'm not being rude. He has to get back to school."
"That's true. I do need to leave," Sam said. He couldn't imagine living in the same house with Sean. He'd be checking into the hospital within two days.
"Oh," Chom said.
"That's different," Pip said.
Thur said, "There for a minute I was worried that you had lost your manners."
"So put the truck back together," Sean said.
Chom said, "That's not possible."
"Impossible, absolutely impossible," Pip said.
"I need it now," Sean said.
"Well, we could get it done in a year," Thur said thoughtfully scratching his chin.
"Only if we were properly motivated," Grum said.
"You know, we could possibly get it done in half a year if we were really motivated," Pip said looking around at the other Dwarves and the two Leprechauns to see if they agreed.
"A month if the motivation level was really high," Crom said pulling on his beard.
Sean raised an eyebrow and asked, "What kind of motivation are we talking about?"
"Let's say another one of those big bottles of soda each," Grum said.
Agar nudged Grum and said, "You were supposed to say two bottles, not one."
"Oh, sorry," Grum said. He looked at Agar and said, "I thought you said that we were going to settle for one bottle each to get it done it four weeks."
"You don't start with the end when negotiating. You have to start with the beginning where you ask for more than what they are willing to pay," Agar said shaking his head.
Grum said, "I keep forgetting that."
Liam looked over at Sean and said, "Never let a Dwarf negotiate a deal when you have a Leprechaun around to do it."
"I'll keep that in mind," Sean said.
Sam said, "Maybe you could negotiate on Sean's behalf."
Liam said, "I could do that."
"Do it," Sean said desperate to get his truck rebuilt.
"When do you want it?" Liam asked.
"I need the truck now," Sean said.
Liam shook his head and said, "That's not any good. You have to tell me the latest that you can accept having the truck fixed and how much you're willing to pay. I'll negotiate something between now and then for an amount between nothing and that."
Sean said, "I need the truck now."
"That doesn't leave me much room for negotiations. How about a year from now?" Liam asked.
Shaking his head, Sam said, "They already offered to have it fixed in a month for one bottle."
"Oh, right," Liam said.
"School starts in three weeks. I bought the truck so I could take it to school," Sean said.
"That establishes the maximum time you'll accept. So how much are you willing to pay?" Liam asked.
"One bottle," Sean answered.
"You just keep limiting my options. You're going to have to be a little more generous than that,"
Liam said.
"They said that they would do it for one soda. I already bought that soda," Sean said.
Liam grinned and said, "Aha! I can use that when I'm negotiating with them."
Sam leaned in and said, "A two-liter bottle each would run you about fifteen dollars. Five each would cost about seventy-five dollars."
"Ah, now we are getting someplace," Liam said.
Sean replied, "The problem is that we aren't getting there in my truck."
"Ha, ha. That is very good," Liam said.
"I wasn't joking," Sean said.
Liam said, "Now we have to decide the third negotiating point and I can begin."
"What point?" Sean asked suspiciously.
"You can have it better than new and fast, but it will cost you. You can have it cost a little and fast, but the quality will suffer. You can have it low cost and high quality, but it will take longer to accomplish," Liam said.
"I want it as good as they can make it and fast," Sean replied.
"That will cost you," Liam said.
"I need my truck now," Sean said.
"Okay," Liam said.
Sam said, "Maybe I better call a cab."
"Hold on, this won't take all day. They took the car apart in three minutes. I'm pretty sure that they can get it put back together in five," Sean said. There was more than a little hope in his voice.
Liam walked over to where the Dwarves were standing around and announced, "I am here to negotiate on behalf of Sean."
Holding his head in his hands, Chom said, "We're doomed."
Agar stepped forward and said, "I'll negotiate on behalf of the Dwarves."
Clea said, "With Agar negotiating for us, we won't end up paying to fix the truck."
"I was worried there for a minute," Pip said wiping his brow.
Liam said, "You will deliver the truck in better than new condition today for free."
"This isn't looking good," Chom said.
Agar clutched his heart, let loose with a wail, and dropped to the ground. After laying there for a minute, he stood up, looked at Liam, and then said, "You kill me with that offer. We counter with delivering the truck in a month in running condition for twenty sodas each."
Pip said, "Did you see how well he played at dying? He's a great negotiator."
"Truly great," Chom said nodding his head in agreement.
Liam put his hands over his heart, staggered around a little, and then dropped to the ground.
He moaned and then laid still. After a minute, he rose and said, "Tomorrow in better than new condition for free."
"Did you notice that little stagger?" Grum asked.
"Truly artful it was," Clea said.
"We are doomed," Pip said.
Agar put his hands over his heart, staggered around a little, dropped to the ground, and then stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth. After a minute, he rose and said, "Running condition in a month for ten sodas each."
While Liam staggered around with his hand over his heart and wailed as if getting cut with a thousand knives, Sam said, "I think that it is going to take them a week just to do the negotiations."
"I think you're right," Sean said watching the horrible acting taking place in front of him. Liam was still staggering around and hadn't dropped to the ground yet.
"I guess I'll call a cab," Sam said.
Sean shook his head and said, "Let me see if I can borrow my mother's car."
"Okay," Sam said watching Liam going into death spasms.
Sean returned from dropping Sam off an hour later. He went around to the backyard to see how the negotiations were progressing. It didn't look good. Tired of standing, he sat down next to the Gnome. He asked, "How is it going?"
"The action is so fast and furious that I fear my heart may explode. I'm not used to so much excitement," Sid answered.
"It is that exciting, huh?" Sean said watching Liam clutch his stomach and stagger around as if poisoned.
"It definitely isn't as tranquil as watching grass growing," Sid said.
"That's true," Sean said. He lifted the hubcap off Sid's head.
"They are both fearsome negotiators," Sid said.
"Bad actors the world over will be happy to learn that a second career awaits them," Sean said.
"Did you see that little side slip stagger?" Sid asked.
"I missed it," Sean said.
"It was truly magnificent," Sid said. He almost worked up the energy to smile, but that was just too much work.
"My poor beautiful truck," Sean said shaking his head. He never expected to see it in one piece again.
Sid said, "I saw the truck when they carried it here. I wouldn't describe it as beautiful."
"It was my first truck and I paid for it with my own money," Sean said. He looked over and saw Liam lying on the ground in convulsions. It seemed to him that each round of negotiation was taking longer than the one before it.
"That was your first mistake," Sid said.
"What?" Sean asked.
"You paid for it with your own money. You should have used someone else's money," Sid said.
"Why?" Sean asked.
"Because they would be the one with a problem now," Sid said.
"I didn't think of that," Sean said.
Sid said, "Standing around watching grass grow gives you plenty of time to think of things like that."
Liam stood up and said, "Five days in better than new running condition for free."
While Agar ran around in circles holding his head, Sean said, "An hour ago he was asking for three days."
"Things are progressing quite well," Sid said.
Sean watched Agar flip and hit the ground with his neck at a strange angle. Shaking his head, he said, "I'm going to speed things up a bit."
"How?" Sid asked.
Sean stood up and walked over to the Leprechauns. Liam saw him approach and frantically shook his head while trying to wave Sean off. Sean said, "I need to talk to you."
Liam said, "Go away. I'm negotiating on your behalf. It is really bad form when one of the principles gets involved."
Agar snorted and said, "Amateur!"
"His side is caving in already," Chom said nudging Pip in the side with an elbow.
"He crumbled."
"He's running off with his tail between his legs."
"What tail?"
"Don't be so literal."
Sean scratched his chin and said, "Oh, I just remembered something that was important."
"What?" Liam said getting irritated.
Sean looked around the yard and said, "Look at the yard."
"What about it?" Liam asked.
"Yes. What about it?" Agar asked feeling that he was on the verge of victory.
"It is full of truck parts," Sean said gesturing to all of the parts scattered around the yard.
Pip nudged Chom and said, "You know they are about to lose when they start stating the obvious."
"We're going to get a dozen sodas each," Chom said with glee.
Getting excited, Clea said, "Maybe more."
The Dwarves started strutting around and congratulating each other on their choice of negotiator. There was lots of back slapping and high fives given out. Agar turned around to the Dwarves and gave them a thumbs-up gesture.
"So?" Liam asked.
Sean said, "We won't be able to park any cars back here."
"That's true. So what?" Agar said.
Sean said, "That means no play Saturday night and no play means no popcorn or sodas."
"No play?"
"No popcorn?"
"No sodas?"
"This is a disaster."
"I told you we shouldn't have gone with a Leprechaun."
"No you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"What are we going to do?" Chom asked. All of the Dwarves dropped to ground on their butts.
As one, they all looked over at Agar for guidance.
"This is bad," Agar muttered.
Liam pointed a finger in the air and said, "By Saturday morning in better than new condition for one soda."
Agar turned back to the Dwarves and asked, "Well?"
Depressed, Chom said, "At least we're getting a soda out of it."
"That's true," Pip said shaking his head sadly.
Thur said, "We'll take it."
Agar said, "It is agreed. We'll deliver the truck by Saturday morning in better than new condition for one soda."
Liam smiled up at Sean and said, "They've accepted the deal."
"Excellent. Remind them that I already paid them their soda," Sean said.
Chom fell back and cried. Pip said, "I forgot all about that in the excitement."
"It just doesn't pay to be greedy."
"I could have told you that."
"Why didn't you?"
"I didn't think of it."
"I was so looking forward to another soda."
Liam scratched his head and then said, "I think I just negotiated myself out of a soda."