The referee threw a flag on the play when the home team went off-sides. Ms. Woodhill stood up and shouted, "The umpire needs glasses."
"That's a referee," Jerry said looking over at his teacher like she was a complete and total airhead.
With a wide-eyed expression of wonder on her face, Ms. Woodhill said, "Really? All of these sports are just so confusing."
"Umpires are for baseball," Jerry said patiently.
The man seated next to Ms. Woodhill laughed and said, "She knows that."
Sid, seated a row or two away, had been staring at the man with Ms. Woodhill for most of the game. He said, "I know him. I just don't know him."
"Make up your mind," Sean said.
Suzie looked over at the man next to Ms. Woodhill and said, "He does look familiar."
On the field below, there was another play in which the other team made a good fifteen yards on a quarterback sneak. Ms. Woodhill stood up and shouted, "Tackle that pitcher."
The man with Ms. Woodhill laughed. He said, "You should be down there coaching that team."
"Our goalie needs to intercept that ball," Ms. Woodhill said smiling at the man beside her.
"Where do you come up with those?" the man asked laughing so hard that he had to hold his sides.
Ms. Woodhill put a finger to her mouth in a coquettish gesture. Batting her eyelashes at the man seated beside her, she asked, "Don't you know that English teachers don't know anything about sports?"
"You aren't fooling anyone. You know more about football than all of the coaches combined," the man said with a laugh.
Jerry raised an eyebrow at that comment and said, "She sure fooled me."
Sid realized where he recognized the man from and asked, "Hey, aren't you the offensive coach for the Fighting Tigers?"
"Yes," the man answered with a smile.
The Tigers was the local college football team and had been national champions the previous year. Everyone in the area knew the coaches. Shocked to discover one of them was watching a high school football team, Jerry couldn't believe it. Just to make sure, he asked, "You're Coach Reynolds?"
"What are you doing here?" Sid asked staring at him. No one on their team was good enough to be scouted by a college.
"I skipped a banquet to spend an evening going over last week's game tapes with my girlfriend," Coach Reynolds answered.
"Who?" Jerry asked looking around to see who his date might be.
"Carla," Coach Reynolds answered patting Ms. Woodhill on the thigh.
"Who is that?" Sean asked thinking that Carla would probably be very upset to see him patting Ms. Woodhill on the thigh like that.
"Me," Ms. Woodhill said with a grin.
"You?" Sid asked dumbfounded.
Curious, Suzie asked, "Does he read poetry to you?"
"Yes," Ms. Woodhill answered. She smiled at her date and said, "He minored in English Literature in college."
"I'm not going to be able to get out of reading poetry to Suzie from now on," Sean said hanging his head.
"That's right," Suzie said hugging his arm.
"Roses are red, violets are... ," Sean began.
Suzie tapped him on the arm and said, "You're going to have to do better than that."
Deciding that it was time to give into the inevitable, Sean said, "I'm going to have to go out and buy a book of Limericks."
"Don't you dare," Suzie said afraid that he would actually do that. She could just hear him reciting a Limerick concerning a Suzie from Nantucket.
Surprised by the entire sports exchange, Jerry said, "How did you meet?"
"My twin brother played college ball with him," Ms. Woodhill said patting Coach Reynolds on the arm.
"Your twin brother?" Jerry asked staring at her.
"Carl Woodhill," Ms. Woodhill answered.
"Quarterback of the Florida Fishes?" Sid asked staring at Ms. Woodhill. She was famous in the school for being totally ignorant of sports. It was hard to believe that her brother was a quarterback for a pro football team.
"Yes," Ms. Woodhill said.
"Carla used to go over the game tapes with us. She knows more about football than half of the coaches in the college circuit," Coach Reynolds said.
"She gave a speech about the batting averages of the tight ends last year," Sid said incredulously.
Laughing, Coach Reynolds looked over at Ms. Woodhill and asked, "You didn't?"
"I did," Ms. Woodhill answered with a grin.
Coach Reynolds burst out laughing and said, "I would have loved to hear that one."
Ms. Woodhill stood up when the offensive team took to the field. Cupping her hands over her mouth, she shouted, "Come on boys, hit a homerun!"
"You kill me," Coach Reynolds said wiping tears from his eyes.
Sitting down, Ms. Woodhill said, "Did I mention that Walt was signed by the Atlanta Rebels?"
"Your little brother got signed?" Coach Reynolds asked.
"Yes. He's going to have to spend a year or two in the minors before moving up to the big game, but he's going to make it. He's got a solid bat," Ms. Woodhill said.
"I remember," Coach Reynolds said.
"You've got a brother in pro baseball?" Jerry asked.
"Yes," Ms. Woodhill said.
Looking over at his English teacher, Sean asked, "Do you have any relatives in hockey or basketball that we might know about?"
"Not really," Ms. Woodhill answered.
"Her father is the head coach for the... ," Coach Reynolds said faltering when he caught a glimpse of Clea. His head swiveled to stare at the short woman walking past him. Unable to believe his eyes, he said, "She's got a beard."
Clea sat down next to Sean and pointed to the football field. She asked, "What is Max doing down there?"
"He's playing football," Sean answered.
"What's that?" Clea asked looking down at the football field. She rather liked the way that Max looked in his uniform.
"Who is that?" Coach Reynolds asked still staring at the woman with a beard.
"That's Clea," Sean answered.
"I'm Clea."
"Oh," Coach Reynolds said thinking that answer hadn't enlightened him at all.
"Max is her boyfriend," Suzie said.
Coach Reynolds asked, "Who is Max?"
"Max is one of the offensive linemen on our team," Ms. Woodhill said.
When the ball was snapped, the two lines charged into each other. Max was knocked onto his butt. Clea jumped up and put her hands on her hips. Angry, she said, "Did you see what that guy did to Max?"
"That's part of the game," Suzie said.
"I'm going to go down there and throw that guy between those two posts at the other end of the meadow," Clea said.
"Don't do that. He'll get thrown out of the game," Sean said trying to pull Clea back down in her seat.
"Where are the rest of the Dwarves?" Suzie asked wanting to get Clea's mind off the action on the field.
"Oh, they'll be along any time now. I was driving," Clea said sitting back down.
"You drove here?" Sean asked with a nervous flutter in his stomach.
"Yes. I hit a really good bump and everyone else flew out of the chariot," Clea said. She smiled when Max knocked the other guy on his butt. She jumped up and shouted, "Way to go, Max."
"You're going to get a ticket for driving without a license," Sean said.
Clea said, "After our last little visit to the police station, the police decided that dwarves don't need driver's licenses."
"Dwarves? She's a Dwarf?" Coach Reynolds asked staring at Clea.
Sid shrugged his shoulders and said, "We have a real multi-cultural community here. We have nymphs, dwarves, fairies, and leprechauns."
"You don't say?" Coach Reynolds said shaking his head. He figured that he should have heard about this before now.
"Don't forget the brownies, gnomes, elves, imps, and troll," Sean said.
Surprised that Sean had mentioned the gnomes, Jerry asked, "You know about the gnomes?"
"Yes. We have one in our backyard," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.
"We've got two of them — Edgar and Isobel," Jerry said.
"That's nice," Sean said wondering what a female gnome looked like.
Jerry said, "They are kind of lazy. All they do is stand in one spot and watch the grass grow."
"That's what gnomes do," Sean said.
"Gnomes?" Coach Reynolds asked. He was wondering how it was that everyone was so accepting of having magical creatures walking around.
Sid looked over at Coach Reynolds and said, "My girlfriend is a water nymph. I'd bring her to the game, but I can't get her to wear any clothes."
"Clothes?" Coach Reynolds echoed.
"She's a nudist," Sid said shrugging his shoulders.
"A nudist?"
Sid said, "I'm not complaining or anything. It is just that all of the guys chase her."
"That's understandable," Coach Reynolds said moving a little closer to Ms. Woodhill so that he'd be able to better protect her.
"I'm the only one she lets catch her," Sid said.
"I'd like to catch a nymph," Jerry said. He sighed wistfully recalling the wood nymph that he had spotted the other day in the woods behind his house.
A line of dwarves walked past Coach Reynolds and sat down on the bench in front of Sean. He stared at the group incredulous. He leaned over to Ms. Woodhill and asked, "More Dwarves?"
"Yes," Ms. Woodhill answered keeping her eyes on the football field. She added, "Our team isn't doing very well."
Sean looked them over and noticed that one of the dwarves was missing. He asked, "Where's Thur?"
"Oh, he had a little accident," Chom said looking around.
"What kind of accident?" Suzie asked not sure that she actually wanted to hear an answer.
Chom said, "Clea was driving us down the road and hit the brakes. Thur flew through the air..."
"And, uh, he landed on a truck that was passing by," Pip said. He had actually landed on the side of the truck and then scrambled onto the top. He had left a nice dent in the shape of a dwarf on the side of the truck.
"I stopped to avoid hitting the truck," Clea said shrugging her shoulders.
"A truck?" Sean asked, "What kind of truck?"
"One of those real big ones with all of those wheels," Chom said.
"Was he okay?" Suzie asked concerned about Thur. They all talked about not being easy to hurt, but she still worried about them.
"He was fine," Pip said dismissive of her concerns. Dwarves were pretty tough.
"The last we saw of him he was standing on top of the truck waving goodbye," Clea said.
"When was this?" Suzie asked.
"Yesterday," Clea answered.
Chom looked around at the other people in the stands. Seeing that they were eating and drinking, he said, "They have sodas and popcorn here."
"Yes, they do," Suzie said.
"You have to pay for them here," Sean said when all of the Dwarves started to get up from their seats.
"We're going to have to do something about money," Pip said in a depressed tone of voice. The plant lady was always chasing them out of the convenience store.
Chom said, "There's all that stuff in Sean's desk drawer."
"Stay out of my money," Sean said afraid that he was going to find his money drawer empty. He was still trying to figure out how to get some gold for the next magic gift.
"He's in a bad mood," Chom said.
"Yes, he is," Pip said looking over at Sean.
Liam and Agar arrived. Agar said, "I bet I went two hundred yards on that last bump."
"It was a good one," Liam said nodding his head.
Sean said, "I was wondering where you were."
In a very cheerful voice, Liam said, "Hello, Sean. Hello, Suzie."
"Hi, Liam," Suzie said.
Coach Reynolds leaned over to Ms. Woodhill and asked, "Are they Leprechauns?"
"Yes," she answered and then groaned when the referee threw another flag on the play. She stood up and shouted, "Hey Umpire. We know you're blind, we've seen your wife!"
"There was something that I wanted to tell the two of you, but I don't remember what it was," Liam said tapping his chin with his finger.
Agar rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a second and then suggested, "Maybe it was about their mothers."
"Come to think of it, it was about their mothers," Liam said nodding his head.
"What about our mothers?" Suzie asked getting worried.
"What about our mothers?" Sean asked not nearly as concerned as Suzie.
Agar said, "They sat down on the bench they put out for us and now they can't stand up."
"You don't say," Sean said.
"Maybe we ought to go see if they are okay," Suzie said a little worried about her mother.
"Why?" Liam asked.
Suzie looked around and said, "It is kind of dark."
Pip said, "You're so observant."
"Now that you mention it, it is kind of dark," Sean said nodding his head in agreement.
"She is observant," Chom said nodding his agreement with Pip.
Suzie said, "We need to do something."
Sean asked, "Why?"
"Our mothers are sitting on a bench in the middle of the dark woods," Suzie said as if that explained everything.
Sean said, "I can imagine the scene. Our mothers are sitting on a hard bench in the middle of the woods. The trees are making creepy noises. Owls are hooting in the distance. Do they care that it is dark? No. They are sitting side by side discussing how to make my life miserable."
"What would happen if some wild animal were to discover them?" Suzie asked thinking that Sean was probably right about what they were doing.
"You're right. We better get over to them to protect the wildlife," Sean said getting out of his seat.
"I thought you would see it my way," Suzie said rolling her eyes.
"Always," Sean said.
Suzie said, "I bet they did the superglue thing."
Nodding his head in agreement, Sean said, "I warned her about using superglue."
"You should stop and get some nail polish remover on the way there," Jerry said.
"Why?" Suzie asked.
"My dad glued his fingers together. He called the hospital and they told him to use some nail polish remover that has acetone in it to dissolve the glue," Jerry said.
"How did he glue his fingers together?" Sean asked out of curiosity.
"I asked him exactly that same question," Jerry answered.
"What did he say?" Sean asked.
"He said that he didn't want to talk about it," Jerry answered shrugging his shoulders.
Sean said, "That is my mom's favorite answer to all of my questions."
"Funny isn't it. They ask us a question and they expect a full answer," Jerry said.
Suzie said, "You know, I've never tried that answer."
"Me either," Sean said. He wondered how that answer worked on parents.
Jerry looked blank and then said, "Come to think of it, neither have I."
"Are we going to go rescue our mothers?" Suzie asked.
"You mean rescue the wildlife from our mothers?" Sean asked.
"Yes," Suzie said rolling her eyes.
"Let's go," Sean said. He looked over at the game and noticed that the other team had made another touchdown. He said, "The game is going well. It is only forty-one to zero."
"It is still the first quarter. We still stand a chance of scoring a point," Suzie said.
Disgusted, Ms. Woodhill said, "We need a new goalie."
"You need a new coach," Coach Reynolds said.
In the woods, Mrs. Emery sat on the wood bench staring up at the stars. The sun had set a long time ago. She asked, "How long do you think it will be before someone notices that we haven't come home?"
"I figure about breakfast time," Sean's mother answered.
"Sounds about right to me," Mrs. Emery said with a sigh.
Sean's mother asked, "When do you think they'll think of looking for us here?"
"About lunch time. My husband can handle cereal, but sandwiches confuse him," Mrs. Emery said.
Looking down at the bench, Sean's mother said, "I really thought the superglue would work."
"Me too," Mrs. Emery said. She tried it to get up again, but the superglue had bonded with her pants. She shook her head and said, "We shouldn't have gotten a bench with a back. We might have been able to shimmy out of our jeans."
"You're right," Sean's mother said. She asked, "Who do you think will find us?"
Mrs. Emery said, "I hope one of our husbands finds us."
"Me too," Sean's mother said.
"Of course, with the way our luck is going Sean will find us," Mrs. Emery said.
"There's a light coming this way," Sean's mother said noticing the trees getting lit up in the distance.
"Please be my husband," Mrs. Emery said.
"Please be my husband," Sean's mother said.
"Anyone except Sean," Mrs. Emery said.
"It is a truck," Sean's mother said.
"Don't be gold. Oh no. It is gold," Mrs. Emery said sagging down in her seat.
"Act casual."
Sean stopped the truck next to the bench. He got out carrying a rather large bag in one hand and walked around to let Suzie out. Suzie climbed out of the truck and stood next to Sean. They looked over at the two mothers. The two women sat there trying to look relaxed and causal.
"It is kind of late to be sitting out here all by yourselves," Sean said gesturing to the dark woods.
"We just wanted to get out of the house for a bit," his mother said.
Sean asked, "Are you running away from home?"
"We were thinking about it," his mother answered.
Sean pointed down the road and said, "The bus stop is at the other end of the road."
"You don't say," his mother answered.
"It is true. I had never noticed it until Sean pointed it out to me," Suzie said with a smile.
Sean looked around and asked, "Have any wild animals been by?"
"Just a Tom Cat," Mrs. Emery said.
"I bet you scared him away," Sean said.
Mrs. Emery said, "Snip snip."
Suzie smiled and asked, "Would you like a ride home?"
"Maybe," Mrs. Emery said.
"Well, get in the truck and we'll take you home," Sean said gesturing to his truck.
"We can't," his mother said.
"Why can't you?" Sean asked.
"We're stuck," Mrs. Emery mumbled.
"What was that?" Sean asked cupping his ear.
Suzie said, "I couldn't make out what you said."
"We're stuck," his mother said. She stuck her tongue out at him for having made her admit that aloud.
"How did that happen?" Sean asked bending down to look at the bench. He was careful not to touch it.
"We'd rather not talk about it," Mrs. Emery said.
"We would," Suzie said with a smile.
Sean said, "Definitely. I'm sure that this will be a story that I'll tell the grandkids."
Looking at Sean, Mrs. Emery said, "You'll drop the subject if you ever expect to get laid again."
"Subject dropped," Sean said frantically.
"Dropped and forgotten," Suzie said.
"You wouldn't happen to have a saw with you?" Sean's mother asked.
Holding up the bag, Sean said, "We brought nail polish remover."
"Nail polish remover?" Mrs. Emery asked wondering why they had brought nail polish remover.
"It dissolves superglue," Suzie said.
Holding the bag out to them, Sean said, "Here you go."
When neither woman reached out to take the bag, Suzie asked, "Don't you want to get free?"
"Our hands are stuck," Sean's mother muttered.