Subject: My Thoughts About Adultery
Story Codes: nosex
Updated: August 3, 2016
Author: Kelly <pghp_girl@yahoo.com>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
!!!WARNING!!!!
This file contains sexually explicit material which may include graphic
depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest, adultery, sodomy and bestiality. It is distributed on a website
clearly identified as "For Adults Only". Possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession
of such material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted 2016 to the author. It may be posted to non-
commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so
long as no changes are made to the content and the Author information is
retained. Any other use of this work is by written permission of the
Author only.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary
=======
Just the mention of the word adultery is enough to set some people off
the deep end and for good reason. How many marriages end because one of
the partners "commits adultery"? Then again, is it really the act of
adultery the root cause of what ruins the marriage or is it merely a
symptom of something else more deeper and insidious? What exactly
IS adultery? Naturally I have my own views which have been subject to
change over the years. It's also been interesting to see how getting
married has changed my perspective - in ways different than what you
might think.
Note: I first wrote this long before I was married. Now that I'm
married I view married life from a different perspective. It's
only natural that as a result some of the guiding principles
in my life have adapted to my new role as a married woman. To
those who claim I'm being hypocritical or somehow unfaithful to my
core values and ethics, I disagree and make no apologies. I
believe that it's a natural part of life that as you grow older and
gain experience and insights that your belief system matures and
changes along the way. However, to be fair I've kept my old
philosophies from my earlier postings and then added a chapter to
reflect how I feel today about adultery.
Table of Contents
=================
Chapter 1 - References
Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
Chapter 4 - Conclusions
Chapter 1 - References
======================
"Thou shalt not commit adultery." - The Bible, King James version
"You shall not commit adultery." - The Bible, New International Version
"He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes
revenge. He will accept no compensation; he will refuse though you
multiply gifts." - The Bible Proverbs 6:32-35
"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept
undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." - The
Bible, Hebrews 13:4 (New American Bible Revised Edition)
"But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, "Behold,
you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a
man's wife." - The Bible, Genesis 20:3 (ESV)
"Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at
least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even
transient ones - they commit adultery." - Catechism of the Catholic
Church 2380
"Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his
commitment. He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the
marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and
undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which
it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare
of children who need their parents' stable union." - Catechism of the
Catholic Church, 2335
"Adultery is sexual relations in which at least one participant is
married to someone else." - Wikipedia
"Adultery is sex where at least one person is married and that person's
partner is outside his/her marriage family." - Mary (my mother)
"Sex is the penetration, however slight, of a female vagina by a male
penis. Even if the hymen remains intact or not all of the dick gets in
the pussy, it's still sex. Once ANY part of a dick is in her, even if
it's just the very tip, it's as good as ALL in. Thus a girl can have
an intact hymen but NOT be a virgin." - Kelly (me)
Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
====================================
Note: This chapter was written long BEFORE I was married when most of my
ethics and morals influenced heavily by my mother.
In reading Chapter 1, it would seem at first glance that anyone having
sex with someone other than their wife or husband is committing adultery,
an act punishable by death in biblical times - of both parties involved!
However, a closer look reveals some subtle but key components. It's easy
to read something in black and white terms without taking into account
the full meaning and the implications of what's being said. For example,
perhaps one of the most abused verses in the Bible is where Paul exhorts
women to "submit to your husbands". People with an agenda have taken
those words totally out of context to validate their personal beliefs
that women are second-class citizens and subject to their husband's every
demand. Anyone reading the whole text and understanding the culture of
the era during which this statement was made would say something entirely
different.
For many people, it doesn't matter what the meaning is behind the words,
they take the 7th commandment literally without any wiggle room or
context. For them it's black and white and there's no even discussing
the matter. My own mother is one of these people. For her, having sex
with another man outside of her marriage family is immoral and wrong. I
have to say one thing though, my mother practiced what she preached. In
over 25 years of marriage, my mother never once had sex outside of her
marriage. When she had sex with her brother-in-laws and one of their
sons, my mother would tell you that she was not committing adultery
because they were within the boundaries of her marriage family. As much
as she wanted to be with Steve, it wasn't until after we said our vows
that she satisfied her desire to be with a son (she didn't wait long
after the vows!).
Let's face it, if the Bible was really all that easy to read and
understand, we wouldn't have thousands of different churches and untold
translations. So it was with me. There come times when you have to make
your own decisions and so it was with my stance on "adultery". So now
it's my turn to parse my words. As I mentioned, while my mom was firmly
against adultery, she DID have sex with my dad's brothers and one of her
nephews. To less enlightened people this would be an act of adultery.
Not so as she rationalized her actions by expanding the conventional
definition of "marriage" to include more than just her husband but rather
extending to their immediate families as well. In accordance with her
definitions, when she married my dad she effectively married his family
too. Although she admitted to me once that this was more than what most
people would accept, she felt strongly about it. It makes sense in that
if it was OK for her to have sex with her own father, why not the other
men in her family once she was married?
Growing up I was heavily influenced by my mother's belief systems and
morals when it came to such matters. After all, how do you argue with
success? With half of all marriages ending in divorce, SOMETHING must
have made a difference in my parents' marriage. While I would never say
it was all due to how they dealt with adultery, I DO believe it was a
major contributing factor. Yes, they eventually did divorce after over
25 years but that had nothing to do with incest or sex within their
family.
So in keeping with the teachings of my mother, my expectations are that
once I'm married I will be faithful to my husband and never commit
adultery. Of course I will continue having sex with my dad and maybe my
uncles along with whatever family members on my husband's side wish to be
involved, if any. However, when it comes to anyone outside of our
marriage family then they become off-limits for sex once I say, "I do."
To be honest, it isn't something I'm entirely happy looking forward to
but it's something that I feel that I have to comply with if I'm going to
live by my biblical faith and morals. In a way, it's like those times
when I'm not really in the mood but my father needs me. Being a
Christian daughter, my father's sexual needs come first so I always
fulfill the duties and obligations that come with being his daughter
without hesitation. Without being too boastful, I have to say I'm proud
that I've never said NO to my dad, well at least when it comes to his
sexual needs. So too will I fulfill my obligations as a wife when my
marriage becomes a reality.
If there is one bright spot, it's that to commit adultery means having
SEX. Thus as long as I don't allow another penis in my vagina,
everything else remains "legal". Because blowjobs, fondling, and such
are not sex by definition, engaging in those activities does not
constitute adulterous behavior. I'm sure it will be difficult at times
to restrain myself once things get going but I'm confident that if my
mother was able to do it, so can I!
So that's my position on adultery. To be sure I respect what other
people do and believe, even if I don't agree with them. All I ask is the
same courtesy and respect in return.
Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
==================================
Note: This was written AFTER I was married and stands as my current
position on adultery.
It's amazing how your perspective on life can change with just two little
Words - "I do." As Steve's wife, the Bible places him at the head of our
household and requires that I submit to him. Before anyone sends me
hate mail, I'm referring to biblical submission which has nothing to do
with BSDM or that kind of baloney. In fact, I wrote an entire article on
submission called "My Thoughts About Submission" as this is such a
complicated topic. To keep it simple for now, there are principles and
morals that I've always deemed to be irrevocable that I have now found
that needed to be modified somewhat to allow for me to submit to my
husband's needs and desires. There's a limit to how far I will bend but
when I can I do if that is what it takes to please my husband.
Adultery is one of those key moral issues that I will never abandon.
I will always feel that adultery is a sin and something I will NEVER do.
The key becomes what is adultery? Thus it's the definition of adultery
that becomes the focal point.
Referring back to Chapter 1, the one thing that stands out in all of the
statements is the implication that the person being charged with adultery
has done these acts without the consent of their spouse. "Make a man
furious", "breaking the contract", "sexually immoral", and "transgresses
the rights of the other spouse" are all phrases that point to injury
being made on the uninvolved spouse.
People have asked why I re-examined my position on adultery. No, it
wasn't because I was anxious to go out and have sex behind my husband's
back and thus looked for a means to rationalize such behavior. So long
as I am married to him I will NEVER cheat on him. Actually the only
reason I even considered whether or not I was handling the issue of
adultery correctly was my husband Steve. Before we got married we both
sat down and stated what we expected of our marriage. Mostly we
discussed non-sexual things like finances, children, careers, etc. My
biggest issue was incest. Steve did not believe in incest when we were
engaged so this was quite a sticking point but I made it clear that my
responsibilities to my father were irrevocable. It took some convincing
but we finally came up with an accommodation ? basically our own version
of "don't ask, don't tell".
As for Steve, he made it clear before we were married that he did NOT
want a monogamous relationship and that he expected us both to seek out
other partners, both alone and as a couple. When he first proposed this
he wasn't aware of my incestuous relationships but I didn't think he
would be satisfied with limiting himself to my family and so far as I
knew, there was no such thing going on with his family. It wasn't that
Steve wasn't satisfied by me sexually. He just felt that too many
marriages fail because partners become bored or stale and that occasional
sex with other people would keep our marriage fresh and exciting.
So clearly I was faced with an ethical dilemma. I wasn't about to fall
into that trap of marrying Steve and expecting him to change. I've seen
enough marriages fail because they entered into matrimony expecting that
the other would eventually see the light and change as they wanted. Of
course that doesn't happen so they end up divorced. NOT the ending that
was I was looking forward to when it came to my marriage!
As I studied and prayed about the issue, God showed me that the Bible
wasn't so much against sex outside of marriage but rather someone having
sex outside of marriage against the will of their spouse. It was quite
clear to me that what was being said in essence was, no CHEATING. Back
in biblical days I'm not sure if there even words to differentiate the
two acts so "adultery" was used for both. Then there's also the
consideration that the Bible wasn't written in English and so it's
context that's important over literal reading of the text.
The concept was intriguing so I substituted the word "cheating" in place
of in all "adultery" in all of the quotes at the start of this article.
It was amazing! With one simple change in interpretation of a word I had
no problem what-so-ever agreeing to all of the statements and
prohibitions that were made. In other words, by saying "cheating" in
lieu of "adultery", I could stick with my existing morals and not even
have to compromise!
It was so obvious when I thought about it... cheating leads to jealousy,
feelings of betrayal, low self-esteem, and can easily be a stake in the
heart of even the best marriages. Cheating on your spouse is about the
lowest thing a person can do. On the other hand, if your spouse is OK
with you doing something, even it's having sex with someone else, why
would that not be alright? You're not cheating after all. Of course
such things should be discussed and communicated well BEFORE anything is
done. Getting caught and then trying to get your spouse to understand
and forgive is still cheating... still wrong on every level.
Steve and I had many long discussions on this topic so he knows full well
just how important it is to me that we maintain the proper biblically-
correct relationship between us at all times. Whenever possible we will
discuss our plans for sex with other people ahead of time so there are no
surprises. Of course there are those windows of opportunity that
sometimes arise and won't stay open for long so as long as we tell the
other about it as soon as possible afterwards. Even then over time we've
come to where we don't necessarily run home and "report" every action.
Our love and mutual trust is strong enough that we know it doesn't matter
what we do, in the end we want each other more than anyone else!
Thus the principle behind our marriage is that we have no secrets from
one another when it comes to sex. So now my definition of adultery is:
"When a married person has sex with someone not in their family (as
defined above) with the intent of cheating on their spouse. Thus it's
the INTENT that defines adultery, not the act of having sex. It's
important to note that you can't commit adultery unless you're married.
If you're single and have sex with a married partner, THEY are the ones
potentially committing adultery, not you."
Chapter 4 - Conclusions
=======================
Adultery and cheating are issues like abortion and the death penalty.
People have strong opinions backed up by their reading of scripture,
their cultural background, and personal opinions. Just as with abortion,
seeking agreement on what is adultery and what isn't is virtually
impossible. As such I respect other people's opinions and would never
question how they deal with the subject when it comes to their own
marriage. All I ask is to be given the same respect and not be
questioned about my beliefs or have people tell me I am a degenerate or
some form of whore or pervert because we believe differently. In the end
I believe the final proof is to look at the state of our marriage.
Whatever the belief, the important thing is that BOTH people agree on it
Before they marry and then follow through on those beliefs once they take
their vows. If not then it may take a long time but sooner or later the
marriage is doomed - if not by divorce then by turning into a loveless
marriage of convenience.
What YOU decide to do in your marriage is ultimately up to YOU. I've
made my decision and I feel perfectly comfortable with it. I look
forward to a lifetime being married to the man I adore and love. I also
look forward to having fun when it comes to my sex life. There's no
reason the two can't be compatible!
THE END