Second That Emotion
by
Latikia
Copyright © 2006
Chapter 37
If I could have jumped up out of my skin, I would have. I badly wanted to, but the shock had numbed my mind, turned my muscles to jello and the best I could manage was to scuttle backwards like a sand crab until my shoulders rammed into a headstone. I slipped on the cold ground and landed flat on my back, with my legs still scrambling for traction.
She walked towards me, a crooked smile on her lips. Her hair was lighter than I remembered, more brassy than the burgundy red I was familiar with. The shape of her eyes was the same, but the color was a slightly paler greenish shade. She moved differently too, not as smoothly or athletically as the woman in my memory. This woman was younger than my Carlie had been when I met her. This girl looked a lot like Carlie, but she wasn’t her.
“You look so much like her…” I said.
Her smile widened. “Thank you. People tell me that all the time. You’re him, aren’t you? There just couldn’t be two like you. You’re Ike Blacktower, right?”
I’d gotten some control over my body, got my feet under me and stood up slowly, brushing myself off.
“My name is Ike Blacktower, yes. And you have to be Carlie’s little sister Charlene.”
She held her hand out to me. I wrapped my big pale skinned hand around hers and we shook.
“Call me Charlie, everyone else does.”
“Nice to meet you after all these years Charlie. I think I have a message for you. Carlie wanted me to tell you that she loves you, always and forever.”
Charlie’s face took on a dazed expression, like she couldn’t believe what she’d just heard.
“Charlie? Are you okay?” I asked, concerned when she didn’t respond.
She shook her head and blinked rapidly. “I’ve been having these dreams for the past couple of weeks and my sister’s always in them. She’s been telling me to come see her, that there’s someone I’m supposed to meet.”
I shivered inside my navy pea coat, and not from the cold.
“She’s been telling me the same thing. Except I’m supposed to keep a promise she made to someone.”
Charlie giggled suddenly and turned her face away.
“Did I say something funny?”
She shook her head franticly, laughing even harder.
I stood there looking down at her while she doubled up with laughter and folded over, dropping to the ground and gasping for breath. I looked around helplessly, suddenly wondering where the girls had gotten off to. I spotted Izzy’s head a few rows away near some other statues and waved my arms, trying to get her attention. She must have seen me, because she, Lilly and Peggy came hurrying towards Charlie and I.
Izzy spotted Charlie kneeling on the ground, laughing like a hyena, and raised her eyebrows. I lifted my hands, palms up, in the universal sign of hopeless stupidity.
Peggy peered out from behind Izzy and took in the scene, and looked up at me.
“What did you do this time?” she asked.
“Nothing…I swear.”
“Who is she?” Lilly inquired.
“Carlie’s little sister, Charlie.”
“Why’s she laughing like that?” Izzy asked.
“Beats me. I gave her the message from the dream like Carlie told me to, and told her I was supposed to keep a promise she’d made to someone. Then she started laughing and won’t stop.”
Lilly moved closer and squatted down to get a better look. “I don’t think she can stop. It looks to me like she’s hysterical.”
I quickly linked with Charlie and went looking for the source of her non-stop laughter. There was some small feeling of amusement, but not nearly enough to account for her hysterical reaction; there was also a deep pool of fear, jealousy, anger and remorse next to what felt, to me, like an enormous column of insecurity with huge heavy chains of guilt linking the two that tasted of grief tinged salty blood.
“Damn…this won’t be fun.” I muttered and began to drain off her emotions.
The amusement I left alone, concentrating primarily on the pool of negative emotions. I siphoned them into myself; feeling more and more like a blood engorged tick as they filled me up.
“She’s very pretty.” I heard Peggy say as if from a distance.
“Yes she is.” I replied. “She looks a lot like her sister. When I first saw her I thought she was Carlie. The resemblance might have something to do with whatever her problem is.”
“What are you doing Ike?” Izzy asked me.
“Draining off her more negative emotions. Hopefully that will stop her laughing and then she can tell us what’s going on. Then, maybe, I can do something more permanent to help her.”
Charlie’s manic laughter finally tapered off. She was gasping for air and wiping the tears from her eyes while Lilly helped her to her feet. The pair of them walked unsteadily to a concrete bench beside a nearby path and sat down side by side. Peggy, Izzy and I followed after them while I continued to drain her feelings.
Charlie had started breathing a little easier and was looking pretty embarrassed. She glanced around at Lilly and the girls and then back at me.
“Who are your friends?” she asked me.
“Girls, this is Charlene Van Luten…my…uhmm, I guess ex-sister in law is the official title. Charlie, these are my girls. This is Izzy, and this is Peggy and the mother hen sitting next to you is Lilly.”
“Your girls?” she asked mischievously.
I filled my lungs and sighed heavily. “My wives, Charlie. They’re my wives.”
She started laughing again, but this time I could feel that it was under control, her control.
“What did you do, move to
The girls were all beaming at me, and then Peggy started bouncing around on her toes. She pointed at the angel statue over Carlie’s grave.
“Look at all the flowers!” she said excitedly.
They all turned to look at what had gotten her so worked up. The dead flowers I’d planted around the base of the angel statue had bloomed brightly and somehow multiplied into a hedgerow of brilliantly colored blossoms. Even the grass looked taller, thicker and more luxuriant.
While they admired the flowers, I kept poking around inside Charlie’s feelings. My evaluation of Charlie’s emotional state led me to believe that the only solution to her problem was going to require a lot of blasting and a bit of patchwork.
“Ike, where did you get all the flowers?” Lilly asked me, breaking my train of thought.
“Hmm? What flowers? Oh, those…there was a bundle of dead ones already there. I just planted them and unloaded my feelings into the ground.”
“You made dead flowers grow.” Peggy said accusingly.
I shrugged. “Would you rather I killed them? I can, if you’d prefer.”
Izzy slugged me in the arm. Peggy kicked my shin and Lilly looked as if she wanted to hit me as well.
“The next person who hits me is going to wet their pants, so help me!” I snarled.
Which was tantamount to an open invitation, and if I’d been thinking clearly I’d have realized it. Not more than an eye blink had passed before I was being pummeled by all three, Izzy beating on my arm, Peggy flailing away at my ribs and Lilly lept up and started pounding on my chest.
I wrapped them all up in a giant bear hug and lifted the three of them off their feet. Linking quickly I flooded the trio with a blaze of love and affection that had them all squealing with delight and moaning with barely contained passion. They went limp and I was suddenly left holding three hundred plus pounds of dead weight in my arms.
Charlie watched with an interested expression as I set them down next to her on the bench, leaning them against one another and moving around behind to prop them up and make sure they didn’t fall over backwards.
“What was all that?” she asked.
I stalled for a couple of moments before responding. “Charlie, how much did Carlie tell you about me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did she ever tell you about my talent?”
She looked puzzled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What talent?”
I sighed loudly. “Charlie, if I want to, I can feel other people’s emotions. I can also make people feel things that I feel or want them to feel. What happened just now was me letting the girls know how much I love them and how much they turn me on. My feelings for them are very strong and they tend to get overwhelmed when I let them share it.”
She looked at me like I was a two headed chicken. “You’re pulling my leg, right?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s the god’s honest truth. When you were laughing I could tell what you were feeling. All your fear, jealousy, anger, remorse, guilt and insecurities…it’s kinda like reading a book. I think I understand why you feel the way you do, but if you want me to help you with your problem it would help if you understood why you feel that way.”
She stared at me for a time, watching me hold the girls upright while they slept.
“When Mama and Daddy brought Carlie home to be buried…when the minister was reading over her casket…I started laughing. I wanted to cry so badly, but instead I started laughing and couldn’t stop. It was hours later when I finally passed out. Ever since then, when someone starts talking about her I start laughing.”
I nodded my understanding. “Your parents, when you were younger, did they spend a lot of time telling you that you should be more like her? Telling you that you weren’t as good or as smart, that kind of thing?”
“Yeah…they did that even before she went off to college. But after we heard she’d died it got worse. I loved my sister, Ike. She was so smart and pretty and popular. I wanted to be just like her. But nothing I did was ever good enough for them.”
“Charlie, you look a lot like her, but you aren’t Carlie and you shouldn’t be trying to be Carlie. I went thru this sort of thing when I was a kid too. My father wanted me to be more like my brother, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t him. Caused us all kinds of problems for a long, long time. You might want to bear in mind that parents are just people, exactly like you and me, which means they screw up. I doubt they intended to make your life miserable…it just worked out that way.”
“Can you make me stop laughing?”
“I think so. You resent Carlie, don’t you? All the things you used to admire about her, you resent the hell out of her for being pretty and smart and popular…and you resent her for dying, leaving you alone and for having your parents turn her into some kind of family saint, don’t you?”
“Yes! They’ll never love me the way they love her. I’ll always be second best, no matter what I do.”
She turned away and stared off into the distance.
“Charlie, I loved your sister; I knew her better than anyone, and I know for a fact that she loved you. I could feel how much she loved you every time she said your name. She was really hurt that your folks wouldn’t let you come out for our wedding. She wanted you to be her Maid of Honor so badly. I’ll tell you something else you might not know…she was proud of you. Carlie was always telling me how smart you were, how well you were doing in school. She’d read to me sometimes from the letters you wrote her. None of the secret sister stuff, of course. She looked forward to getting those letters. Carlie didn’t want you to be like her, she wanted you to be you, and be happy with the woman you were going to become.”
I could hear her sniffling and struggling to hold back tears. “She really was proud of me?”
“Charlie, you never had a bigger fan than your sister.”
She was silent for a while and then announced with some surprise, “I’m not laughing! We’ve been talking about her and I’m not laughing.”
“I’ve been draining off most of your negative emotions. You have a lot of guilt and insecurity tied up with the memories of Carlie and they’re all connected to negative emotions. You are badly conflicted, kiddo. You love her but you also resent her…even hate her, because of how much pain her memory has caused. The thing is…if I remove the guilt and negative feelings you won’t have any excuse for your insecurities. You’ll have to deal with them.”
“What insecurities?” she asked.
“Thinking you aren’t pretty enough, or smart enough or good enough. Charlie, there will always be someone somewhere who is better looking, smarter, taller, shorter, faster, stronger or more capable than any of us. That’s just the way things are. Yes, you look like Carlie and I always thought she was beautiful. But you don’t look exactly like her, and I think you are beautiful in your own right. Carlie was one of the smartest people I’ve ever known, smarter by miles than me. I don’t know myself just how smart you are, but she thought you were pretty damn bright…so you can’t possibly be a dummy.”
“What about my folks? They don’t think I’m nearly good enough.”
“Honey, I wish there was something I could do to make them
treat you better…well, maybe I could, but it wouldn’t be how they really
felt. What I think you need to do is learn to see yourself thru other people’s
eyes, and I don’t mean your parents and I don’t mean any of the people around
“Mama’s already told me that if I leave they’ll cut me off and disinherit me.”
“What’s more important to you, money or being happy and at peace with yourself?”
Izzy and Lilly chose that moment to wake up, followed a couple of heartbeats later by Peggy who leaned back against me, pressing the side of her face against my crotch and mumbled, “I think I wet myself.”
I reached down and ran a hand over the exposed side of her pretty face. “That’s okay, half-pint. We’ll go back to the hotel and you can change.”
“I think I need to change too.” Lilly announced, pressing her thighs together.
“I guess that means Ike won the trifecta.” Izzy said, grinning up at me.
“How is it I won but the three of you got all the warm fuzzys?”
“Clean living?” Peggy suggested with a giggle.
I huffed out a puff of frosty breath and gave them all a hug. “Charlie, did you drive here?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, I took a cab from the house.”
“Well, why don’t you ride back to the hotel with us? While the girls change I’ll see what I can do to fix your laughing problem.”
She agreed to come along, so we hurried out of the cemetery, got into the car and drove back to our hotel room.
The girls rushed into the bathroom with changes of underwear and new pants in hand. Charlie and I sat down on the edge of one of the big beds and faced each other. She examined the room and paid special attention to the beds we’d pushed together.
“You really do sleep with all of them, don’t you?”
“We all love each other Charlie. Why shouldn’t we sleep together?”
She shrugged her shoulders and took her coat off, laying it down next to her. “No reason, I guess. It’s just that I never met anyone like the four of you before. You guys are so different from the kinds of people I know.”
“We aren’t all that different, not really. Now, let’s see about your problem…what I want you to do is think about your sister. Concentrate all your thoughts on memories of her and just let the feelings happen. I’ll do the rest, okay?”
“Okay.”
Her eyes became glazed and glassy as she focused on some distant thought. I linked with her and climbed inside, feeling her heart beat begin to race, her breathing becoming ragged and the pool of negative feelings I’d drained before began to fill up once again.
Off to the side I heard the bathroom door open and the girls came out, having finished changing. I waved them over.
“I’m going to do something similar to what I did for Lilly. Charlie is probably going to react like she did, so would you girls please take care of her for me?”
They nodded and took up positions around her, Peggy and Lilly on the sides and Izzy at the back.
Charlie began to snicker and her body shook as she broke out laughing.
The chain of guilt that connected her insecurities to the pool swoll up, until it resembled an anchor chain on an old sailing ship. I reached down deep inside myself and brought up my darkest, fiercest rage. I blasted the chain turning it to slag. At the same time I drained the pool, only this time I wasn’t gentle about it. I could feel the unpleasant emotions filling me, which increased the intensity of my rage, which went from fiery red and orange to white hot with translucent blue edges. I turned the flame on the empty pool and cauterized the seeping wound. When I’d finished, the deep depression was no more than a slight dimple. All that remained was the column.
Charlie had stopped laughing and was shaking like a leaf. Beads of sweat broke out all over her face. Her eyes were wide open as was her mouth thru which she was gasping for breath.
‘I love you, Charlie
girl, always and forever.’
Tears flowed from Charlie’s eyes and she began to sob.
“Carlie! I’m sorry I hated you…I didn’t mean it! I miss you so much!”
‘I know honey, I
know. Let it go. Live your life and be happy.’
I cut off the rage, banking its flame and tucking it away. The pillar of insecurity needed something stronger to shatter it. I linked with my girls and let my love flow over them lightly. They looked at me and all of them smiled lovingly in return. I felt their love washing back down the links like the tide coming in. I drew it to me, amplified it ten fold, merged it with my own love and crushed the column to chalky dust, letting the gentle breeze of our combined feelings sweep the dusty remains away.
Charlie shrieked once, went stiff and started sliding off the edge of the bed. The girls grabbed her, pulled her up into the middle of the mattress and laid her down.
I took a small amount of our combined love and formed a thin ghostly ring and placed it over the dimple that had been a deep pool, and then I cut all the links.
I was sweating as if I’d been standing for hours in the hot house back at the ranch. I stood up and my knees gave way for an instant and I nearly fell, but I got them under control in time and stumbled towards the bathroom.
I stripped down, got into the shower and just stood under the water for five minutes. I washed my hair and goatee quickly, shut the water off and ran a towel over my body.
When I emerged from the bathroom, slinging the shoulder holster rig over my shoulders and easing them into position, I saw the four girls huddled together on the bed, heads together and whispering.
Charlie looked a little paler than when we’d first met, but seemed otherwise unharmed.
“How do you feel Charlie?”
She smiled, got off the bed and wrapped her arms around my waist and gave me a hug, burying her face against my chest.
“Thank you.” she said into my shirt.
I patted her on the back and looked over at the girls. “I guess that means it worked, huh?”
Izzy looked over at Lilly, who in turn looked at Peggy who looked back at Izzy. Izzy stood up and walked up to me.
“We know what promise Carlie made.” she said.
“Great. So now everyone knows…except me. I’m the one who’s supposed to keep this promise and I’m the only one who has no idea what it is.”
Izzy put her hand on my cheek. “Don’t go getting all pouty, you’ll get wrinkles.” she grinned.
“Will someone please tell me what the damn promise is?”
Charlie let loose of my waist and backed up, craning her neck to look up at me.
“Carlie promised that you’d look out for me if I left
home. In my last dream she told me the
same things you did today. She said I
need to get away from
I looked from Charlie to Izzy, who blinked innocently at me, her face expressionless. I lifted my eyes and focused on Peggy and Lilly over on the bed. They returned my gaze with the same blank expression that Izzy had given me.
“Why do I get the feeling that I’ve been had…again?”
Izzy grinned broadly. “Because you’re finally getting used to living with us.”
I nodded. “Well, it’s not like we don’t have plenty of room.” I muttered. “The three of you don’t mind?”
Lilly got up and put her arm around Charlie’s shoulders. “Family should look out for one another, right?”
Peggy jumped down off the bed and up into my arms. “Look on the bright side Daddy…you won’t be the youngest anymore.” she giggled and kissed me.
I gave her a swat on the bottom and tossed her back onto the bed where she bounced up and began jumping up and down.
I laughed at Peggy’s antics then turned my attention back to Charlie.
“We have a ranch in
“You don’t know where your ranch is?” Charlie laughed.
“It used to belong to the CIA. They gave it to Ike.” Peggy said, still jumping on the bed like a trampoline.
“The CIA gave you a ranch?”
I sighed. “It’s a long, long story. How ‘bout we tell you over dinner?”
Charlie got an impish look on her face. “I’ve got an even better idea. Why don’t you all come home with me for dinner? I’d just love for Mama and Daddy to meet you all.”
I frowned slightly.
“Not long after your sister was killed your mother informed me that if I
ever set foot in
“I didn’t know she said anything like that. In that case I insist!”
I slowly let a nasty grin steal across my lips. “I accept. It’s long past time I met my former in-laws.”
Charlie got on the phone and called her house. She left word with the housekeeper that she was bringing company for dinner and hung up quickly when the woman said her mother wanted to speak with her.
“I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she finally meets you.” She cocked her head and stared up at me. “You know, I’d have sworn Carlie told me you were a redhead.”
“I was.”
“Bleach job?” she asked.
“No. Emotional trauma.” I said, putting and end to her line of questioning. “Let’s get a move on ladies.”
We left the room, piled into the car and drove off. Taking
It was an impressively ugly structure, four stories tall and
looked like a collection of clapboard and brick that belonged in a production
of
To be fair, it had been painted…sometime back in the seventies. In a gray and stormy landscape it blended in perfectly. I got depressed just looking at it.
“Is it just me or does this place make you want to slit your wrists just to see color?”
Charlie frowned. “Just imagine what it’s been like having to grow up here.”
“I can’t understand how Carlie turned out so bright and outgoing. This looks like the sort of place they used to make into asylums.”
We had been looking at the house from
Parked in front of the ghastly edifice were a matched set of brand new, shiny four door cars with the words “Sheriff’s Department” embossed on the driver side doors. Standing next to the passenger side doors were two men; one was fairly young and rather large, the other was much older and much smaller. Both were dressed alike; blue shirts and pants, with lots of pockets and creases, and Smokey Bear hats. I didn’t see their revolvers, but I was pretty sure that’s what they were carrying.
“Looks like the sexton took me at my word and told your mother I was in town.”
“Damn her!” Charlie swore, opening the door and jumping out.
“Ike…” Izzy started.
“I know sweetie, I know…I won’t hurt them as long as they keep their weapons holstered.” I promised.
I turned off the engine and got out, followed by the girls, and we moved up behind Charlie who was yelling at the older of the two men.
“What do you think you’re doing here Sheriff?”
“I’m sorry, Miss Van Luten, but your mother called me and said there was a trespasser on her property. She wants him arrested.”
“What trespasser?” she demanded.
“He means me, Charlie. Don’t you Sheriff?” I said stepping around in front of the small girl.
The Sheriff eyed me up and down and glanced over to his deputy who stepped out from behind his vehicle and moved up alongside me. He was a big fella, nearly my height, close to my weight and looked like he lifted some weights in his spare time. I shifted slightly so I could keep him in my sight as well as the Sheriff.
“Let me guess, you arrest me for trespassing, take me to your lockup, knock me around some and then escort me out of town with a warning to never come back. Does that sound about right?”
The older man looked somewhat ashamed, the younger one just looked eager.
“Mister, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But in this county, what Mrs. Van Luten wants, she gets.”
I nodded. “I understand your problem. I really do. Unfortunately, you don’t understand just how much of a problem you really have on your hands. Mind if I show you my ID, before you try to arrest me? Might save us all some grief.”
“Alright, just move real slow, no sudden movements.” he warned me.
I reached into the front right pocket of my pea coat and
pulled out the credentials Dr. Wills had given me back in
“Aw, shit!” I heard him mutter beneath his breath.
“Now, you can do what Mrs. Van Luten wants and try to arrest me…notice I said try…OR you can give me back my wallet, get into your vehicles and leave. There may be fallout from the Van Lutens…you might not get re-elected next time. If you try to arrest me, I’ll be within my rights as a federal law officer to shoot you dead for interfering with the performance of my official duties. I can pretty much guarantee no fallout for me.”
I linked with both men and filled them with fear and just a hint of impending death. I held out my left hand towards the Sheriff and unbuttoned my coat with the right.
I didn’t need the link to tell me how torn he was. The man had probably been Sheriff for most of his adult life, enjoying all the perks and bennies that went along with having a position of power and authority. And the only people he ever had to worry about pleasing were the Van Lutens. His lords and masters. He was a big fish in a small pond and happy with his place in the world. Then along comes a big fish from the ocean, one with bigger, sharper teeth than his masters.
“Make your choice Sheriff. I don’t have all goddamned day.” I growled at him and increased the fear level thru the link.
“Let’s get out of here Kenny. We can always find new jobs.” he said to the younger man, and tossed my wallet back to me. I snatched it out of the air, shoving it back into a coat pocket.
They got into their cars and took off down the drive. I turned to the girls and grinned.
“See? Piece of cake…and no one got hurt.”
Lilly stalked up to me, grabbed my shirt and pulled my face down level with her own.
“You big bully.” she said, and kissed me.
Peggy came up close and put one arm around Lilly’s shoulders and patted my cheek with her free hand.
“Don’t mind her…she’s in love and worries about you. She hasn’t seen you in action like I have.” and then she kissed me. They stepped over to where Charlie was standing.
Izzy came up close and slipped her arms inside my coat and snuggled up tight. “Just a big teddy bear.” she giggled.
“Polar bear.” I reminded her.
We turned together and moved over where the other girls were standing. Charlie watched us with wide eyes.
“You are so whipped.” she exclaimed.
Peggy, Lilly and Izzy burst out laughing and Charlie blushed. I smiled down at her.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“How can you be so dangerous and threatening one minute and so…squishy the next?”
“Practice. I’ve gotten lots and lots of practice over the past couple of months. Plus I live with three girls who demand a lot of ‘squishy’.”
They all smirked at that comment. “Well,” I said, “shall we go in and meet the folks? I’m sure your mom will be wondering what happened to the sheriff and we shouldn’t keep her in suspense any longer than necessary.”
“Follow me!” Charlie said with a gleam in her eye and we followed her into the mouth of the lion’s den.