Second That Emotion
by
Latikia
Copyright © 2006
Chapter 40
We searched the house from top to bottom for nearly two hours and couldn’t find hide nor hair of the elder Van Lutens. I was getting seriously depressed, mostly at not being able to keep Carlie’s promise, but also over the death of Charlie. And not for the reasons you might think.
I was convinced that her death had been a necessary evil. I regretted that she had died before I could find out what had happened to her folks, and even more than that I regretted that Izzy and Lilly had felt they had to shoot her to save me. I would have to keep a close watch on them to be sure that they didn’t suffer for what they’d done.
I scorched the wall with the blood and bullet holes and made sure that the fire was completely out then we left the house and walked back to the car. Lilly drove, with Izzy riding shotgun, while Peggy and I sat in the back. Lilly and Izzy whispered back and forth quietly, while Peggy pulled my arm around her shoulders and cuddled up next to me. The long ride was quiet for the most part and I had plenty of time to think.
Charlie had obviously been some kind of telepath, able to read thoughts and memories. She could also manipulate those memories and thoughts to some degree, which explained why the Sheriff was so willing and eager to eliminate us, even after I’d shown him he shouldn’t mess with us. It might also explain why we couldn’t find any trace of her parents. Charlie might have killed them years ago, or they might have died naturally, and she’d used her abilities to conceal it from the town. We’d found no trace of her parents, but also no indication that there’d been other people in the house for a very long time. No staff, no parents, no nothing.
I’d been in no real danger from Charlie’s manipulation of my memories. I realized that from her very first effort. I could tell it wasn’t real. Why I was able to make that distinction is something I’m still not quite sure of, but I think it’s because I couldn’t feel anything from anyone. That simple fact made everything else so two dimensional that her illusions were more like walking thru a life sized pop-up book than anything else. That and my unwillingness to go back and relive my past. Not that there weren’t things worth reliving. Maybe I was still too young and the pain still too fresh. Who knows? I could have forced Charlie to stop anytime I wanted to, but deep down I wasn’t willing to simply blast her if there was any chance of convincing her to stop on her own. But the girls didn’t know that…and there was no way in hell I’d ever tell them otherwise.
When we got back to
The four of us took the helicopter back to the ranch, arriving well after dark. Mr. Jones and Anya met us on the lawn, looking flushed but rather smugly pleased with themselves. We had a late cold-cut supper, drank far too much wine and then headed up to our rooms. David and Anya didn’t even pretend to go to separate rooms, making a beeline for his at the far end of the hall, while the girls and I quickly stripped down and dove into the hot-tub, after taping a trash bag over Peggy’s cast.
In time we all ended up in bed and eventually fell asleep.
The next few days passed in a blur. I read a lot, and the girls kept to themselves mostly, moving between the hot-tub, the horses and the rec room.
Three days after our return to the ranch I sat down with Anya and Mr. Jones in the living room.
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about?” I asked Mr. Jones.
“Yes, quite a bit. I’m willing to go thru with it.” he replied in his rock-crusher voice.
“You’ll never be able to hide anything from one another, no matter how small or insignificant. We’re talking about being emotionally joined at the hip.”
“I’ve already told Anya all my darkest secrets. I want her with me, no matter what it takes.”
I nodded. “Okay. If you’re willing to sacrifice your independence for permanent interdependence…and I do mean permanent…it’s only fair to tell you that I may have found a way to restore Anya’s free will. May have. I don’t know if it will work on her like it did for me, but I think it’s worth trying before we tie you together for good.”
“How…what?”
I raised my hand to forestall his questions. “What I did to Anya is very similar to
something I did to myself when my first wife died. I created a never-ending loop of pain and
suffering inside and locked it in place.
I couldn’t break it, no matter what I tried. What I did to Anya was kind of like that, but
with different emotions. When I was in
“Is there any chance this could hurt her?” David asked pointedly.
I turned to Anya. “Anya, you remember what it felt like when I gave you that hour long orgasm, right?”
She nodded her head and winced at the memory.
“It won’t last as long as that and it probably won’t hurt, but I can’t tell you it won’t hurt. The intensity of the feelings required to destroy the loop will be rather severe, but we aren’t talking about orgasm or even lust. This will be Love. Love hurts…it’s an old cliché but it also happens to be true. Love is a wonderful emotion, but it isn’t always pleasant. And the stronger the emotion the more it can hurt. I’ll let you both in on a little family secret. Every single day I give my three girls a teeny-tiny spark of the love I feel for them to keep inside. They each have a loop I made for them out of that love and the sparks add to those loops. Those tiny little sparks usually make them pass out. The full force puts them out cold every single time. But the power of my love for them is what makes me able to control the darkest emotions in me. That’s Love for you in a nutshell; salvation or destruction complete in one compact little package.”
“Why doesn’t it destroy you then?” Anya asked, joining the conversation for the first time.
I shrugged. “I have no idea. Might be because I’ve felt so much pain and agony that I’m able to withstand the fire. Might be because I can feel other’s emotions. Might be random chance…I honestly don’t know.”
“So maybe the strength of our love won’t be enough to destroy the loop, right?” David asked.
“That’s a possibility. Like I said, I don’t know if this will work. But I’d like to try destroying the loop and giving you both a chance at a normal love and normal lives. If it doesn’t work we still have the first option.”
They looked at one another, nodding their heads ever so slightly at the unspoken question each saw in the other’s eyes.
“Let’s give it a try.” David said finally.
“Okay, I want you to face each other and keep your eyes and thoughts focused on what you feel for the other. Don’t let your thoughts wander. I’ll be linked with both of you, controlling the flow of the emotions as well as monitoring your heart rates. If I think either of you can’t take the stress we’ll stop. Don’t pay any attention to me; keep focused on the person facing you.”
They turned on the couch so that they were facing and joined hands. I got up and moved to a chair across from the couch so that both were in front of me and linked.
Anya’s ring glowed darkly, but all around it was a pulsing mass of bright burning love mixed with lust and desire. David’s emotions were less orderly and much less focused. His love was strong but wavered, being pressed on all sides by concern and apprehension.
“Focus David. There’s nothing to be worried about. Either it works or it doesn’t.”
His emotions gained more structure as his focus increased, and I began to detect a slight taste of sugar mixed with bitters.
“Good, much better. Now concentrate on the love.” I whispered softly and began to pull their emotions thru the links into myself.
I blended their feelings together and twisted them around until it resembled a loaf of braided bread, amplified the strength and intensity and poured it down the link to Anya. She stiffened somewhat as the powerful burst hit her, but continued to focus on her own feelings. I continued to pull from them both, Jones’ feelings staying pretty much constant and steady, but Anya’s were beginning to be influenced by the beefed up input from me. I pulled, mixed, amped and fed back into her, pulling from her at the same time now while adding David’s love to the growing mass and pouring it back into Anya. We had turned into an emotional version of a perpetual motion machine.
The volume of emotion flowing between Anya and myself had grown in just a few moments from a trickle to a raging torrent. I could feel her heart pounding in sync with my own. Beads of sweat broke out on both our faces when I increased the amplification.
I’d been keeping a close watch on the ring while all this had been going on, checking for any sign of it breaking down, cracking…anything. It hadn’t changed a bit.
Increasing the amplitude of the emotional flows, I could feel Anya’s and my heart rate nearly double, and while she seemed untroubled by the change I felt a sudden pain blossom in my belly and I struggled to keep the pain out of the flow that ran between our three bodies. I started gasping for air and the sweat began to pour down my face and into my beard, trickling down my neck and chest.
Anya’s ring remained unchanged. A red haze fell across my eyes and the wheezing gasps that came from my throat filled my ears.
‘Some things are not meant to be undone.’
“I have to fix this, I have to.” I rasped, my chest heaving.
‘Some things cannot be undone.’
“I made this…I can unmake it!”
‘It was not meant to be unmade; not by time, not by you, not by anything.’
“I have…to…make this…right!”
‘You had a choice at
the time. Kill her or make her your
servant. Was your choice wrong?’
“…no…but it…wasn’t right…”
‘Was it Just? Was it fair?’
“…y-yes…”
‘Then you have to live
with what you’ve done. She will have to
live with what you’ve done. There’s no
escape for either of you. And that is justice.’
Tears fell from my eyes and froth had formed at the corners of my mouth. My shoulders shook and my hands trembled in my lap. I broke the link between the three of us and sagged back in my chair.
Anya released her hold on Mr. Jones’ hands as soon as she felt the flow stop and together they turned to look at me.
“Oh shit!” Jones swore softly. Anya got to her feet and rushed out of the living room; Jones got up and crouched down in front of me.
“It can’t be destroyed…I…I…” I started coughing into my hands, spraying blood over my fingers that proceeded to drip down onto my knees. The coughing subsided and I was left staring at my bloodied hands. “There are things I cannot do, and unmaking Anya’s ring is one of them. I’m sorry.”
Mr. Jones put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You can still tie us together, right?”
I started shaking as though I were freezing, but continued sweating as if I were sitting in the hot house. “Yes…that I can do. Let me catch my breath for a few minutes and then I’ll…”
“What the hell did you do?!” Lilly demanded loudly, rushing in followed by Peggy and Izzy.
Looking up at her pretty face I pulled my hands into my lap. “I failed…again.” I said, smiling sorrowfully.
The three of them pulled me to my feet and began shoving me along towards the stairs.
“Wait, I have to finish…”
“Shut up Ike, just shut up.” Peggy snapped at me.
“Whatever it is can wait.” Izzy growled, leaning into my back and pushing me down the hall.
The three of them pushed me up the stairs and into our bedroom, where they proceeded to strip me down. I was hauled into the shower by Izzy who stripped off her clothes, joined me under the hot water and began scrubbing me with a sponge and washcloth.
“Izzy, I’m okay, really.” I protested.
My sister stopped her furious scrubbing and glared at me. She reached up with one hand and wiped her fingers across my lips and held them in front of my eyes. Blood was smeared over them…my blood.
“You aren’t okay. Spitting and coughing blood is not okay. You hurt yourself Ike. And you were all set to do it again, weren’t you?”
I moved her hand away from my face and looked into her eyes. “I had to try and fix what I did to Anya. I had to try.”
She glared back at me, no hint of give in either her stance or expression. “So to relieve yourself of whatever stupid guilt you feel about Charlie and Anya, you’d risk the life of Lilly’s baby’s father?”
Staring stupidly had become such a prominent part of my life that it required no effort on my part to slip right back into character.
I’d heard the words, and I knew on an intellectual level what they represented, but for some reason they didn’t seem to want to arrange themselves properly in my mind.
“Lilly’s baby?” I said slowly, backing into the water from the shower head. I kept backing up until the wall and fixtures stopped me.
Izzy nodded her head and took a step towards my retreating body. She dropped the washcloth and sponge and reached out to take my arms in her hands.
That’s when I really started shaking. Top to bottom it felt as if every muscle and bone in my body had gone soft. I sank to my knees before my sister and she wrapped my shaking torso in her arms, holding me tight. Laying my head against her breasts I clutched awkwardly, trying to make my arms go around her waist. Tears poured from my eyes, getting lost in the water that fell from above us.
Izzy combed the hair out of my eyes with her fingers and rubbed my neck, murmuring softly all the while.
“Ike, I like Anya, I really do. But I like her the way she is now. If you could undo what you did to her, what guarantee do you have that she wouldn’t try to kill you? Why don’t you just tell her to stay with David and love him for the rest of their lives? Wouldn’t that be easier than killing yourself?”
At that point I was feeling weak, useless and stupid. My big sister was right. Why hadn’t I been able to see it for myself?
I don’t know how much time passed before the tears stopped falling, but I remember hearing her tell me it was time to get out and dry off. I stood up with her help and stepped out. Izzy turned off the water and followed me out. She dried herself off and then used the towel on me.
Izzy escorted me out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom to find Peggy and Lilly lying nude on top of the bedspread kissing. I sat down heavily at the foot of the bed while Izzy hopped onto the bed and joined the other two girls; Lilly and Izzy making a Peggy sandwich between them. The three of them giggled as they rubbed against one another, their hands and lips all over each other.
I linked with all three as they kissed and fondled and dove
deeply into their emotions, tasting and feeling their love for each other,
bathing in their affection, lust and happiness.
And I noticed something that I remembered seeing back in
“Lilly…?” I said hesitantly.
Lilly pulled away from Peggy’s right breast where her tongue had been working overtime on a hard nipple and looked into my eyes. She smiled sweetly, her lovely smile filling me with warmth.
“Hmmm?”
“Are you sure?”
Her smile grew brighter, the heat I felt from it exploded within my chest and traveled thru my entire body.
“It’s still too early for the pregnancy test, but I missed my period.”
I nodded my head slowly.
“How late?”
“One week. I’ve always been pretty regular that way, so it’s a good sign.”
I nodded again. Peggy reached out and took Lilly’s left breast in her hand while Izzy kissed her way down Peggy’s belly.
Still linked with them, their pleasure began to work on my body and my cock rose to attention.
Peggy sucked air between her clenched teeth as Izzy’s tongue darted between her thighs.
I nodded my head absently and fell back, stretching out across the width of the mattress. I started shivering so badly that my teeth clacked like castanets and my erection wilted away like the last flower of summer.
Everything went a little wonky. I heard voices, but they were distant and unclear. Hands under my arms pulled me along the bed and muffled sounds were in my ears, but mostly I remember being cold and feeling goosebumps all over.
I was afraid, terrified, petrified, horrified…I was scared witless.
It was the oddest thing…recognizing that the fear belonged to me. I hadn’t been afraid since the days of Vickie Carter, not for myself anyway. I’d been afraid for my mother, Carlie, my father, Izzy, Lilly, Peggy, and even Charlie a little, but it had been years since I’d felt fear that was all mine.
“I’m going to be a dad.” I spoke aloud thru chattering teeth into the cotton that had enveloped me.
‘You’re going to be a
wonderful father, lover.’
“Why am I so scared, Carlie?”
‘Why do you think you’re scared?’
“I don’t know…I wasn’t scared when you told me.”
‘You were younger and
less aware of all the dark and evil things in the world. Face it my love, you were naïve and green as
grass. You know better now…but you’re
also much more capable of handling those dark things than you were back
then. Protect them and keep them
safe. You’re ready now.’
“Will they be okay? Our babies…will they be healthy. I need to know, for Lilly’s sake. Will they be okay?”
‘Ike, your daughters
will be strong and healthy…all three of them.
There’s no need for you to be afraid.’
Once again I felt tears boil up in my eyes, but this time they were from relief. Deep down, in the darkest part of my heart and soul, a place I liked to pretend didn’t actually exist, I’d been reliving the pain of losing Carlie and our child as well as experiencing the pain I’d felt in Lilly at the loss of her children.
“How do you know, mom? How can you be so sure?”
‘Ike, we know what you know. The better question would be “How do you know, and how can you be so sure?”’
“How do I know…I felt them…I can feel them growing…I can feel them feeling!”
‘And that’s just one reason why you’ll be a good father.’
“Thank you mom…thank you.”
‘Be a good husband and
father; love your children for who they are, not who you would have them be and
encourage them to walk their paths,
not yours. You have a wondrous advantage
my boy; you’ll always know what they’re feeling. No child of yours will ever be able to say
that you don’t understand.’
“I will, Granddad, I promise.”
‘And stop rolling
around in guilt. Fix things if you can,
and if you can’t, let them go. Guilt does
no one any good…especially you. It’s the most worthless, bullshit emotion
there is.’
“No guilt. Three…” I muttered to myself as the chills and shakes faded away and I relaxed, feeling the three warm naked bodies snuggled tight against me. I brought up my arms and gathered them in, hugging and squeezing for all I was worth…which at the time wasn’t much.
Lilly pressed her face against mine, kissing the left side of my face…eyelid, cheek, lips and neck…occasionally sucking my earlobe between her teeth and nibbling on it.
I opened my eyes and turned my head around towards her pretty face.
“A little girl, Lilly…we’re going to have a little girl.” My voice was weak and reedy, but she understood me.
“So I heard. How can you be so sure?” she asked.
I grinned. “I can feel her, Lilly. I can feel all three of them. My girls are going to be mommies…three little girls growing in my girls. I’m gonna be a dad!”
Peggy and Izzy pressed closer and began kissing me.
“All three of us?” Izzy asked, tears in her eyes.
“All three.” I choked out. I broke down again and cried. We all did. Me, with relief and happiness…the girls were relieved too, mostly about my having gotten past the guilt I’d been carrying. I think they were a little…doubtful…of my predictions though.
I didn’t mind. I knew what I knew…