Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. SMUGGLERS BLUES (AND BROWNS) This story contains the following adult content: M/F, F/F, Anal, toys, consensual/nonconsensual sex. You mus be over the age of 18 to read this. If you are not, or do not enjoy this kind of material, do not read further. THIS STORY IS A WORK OF FICTION. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is entirely a coincidence. CH 4 And so it went. I got into the work, getting off on the money I was making on carrying massive dildos up my butt through customs. I loved going about with every twitch making my butt SOOO happy. The passengers didn't know, only my co-workers in the know knew. That blond guy who first plugged his diamonds up my ass loved fucking more of them into me in a wide plug... I met another man who loved putting the rambone cargo rod into me... more on him later in this narrative... And the REAL fun was going through customs. They had NO clue the dildos they saw FA's carrying were ANYTHING other than what met the eye: super pleasure toys filling me (& the others) up. Of course, we'd meet with different agents, didn't want them catching on. TOO many large dildos from one flight (or even one airline) at one time might raise questions. And, of course, there WERE questions... it was absolutely delicious, acting like a brazen hussy in front of them... THAT'S not against the law, after all... & niether is... Man, it was a joy to pass through the scanners, knowing that they could see the big bong stuffed up my ass; but that they couldn't tell there was something INSIDE that huge bole inside me. I remember one time I was stopped... This flight was a long one, from Hong Kong to L.A. We got rotated around every few months, working different routes. L.A. customs wasn't quite as familiar with New York stews like the New York agents were. Still, I didn't mind the daring, the ballsiest carriers got the most fulfilling (financially) & FULL-FILLING routes, quite profitable ventures from more than one standpoint. In three years working on 747s, I pulled down (at an average of $20k per week, in cash) close to $5,000,000. Almost all of it I invested under an assumed name, a small percentage I spent on things I wanted & explained it away as gifts. I loved fucking my ass raw, descending on a fat prong just before descent, putting on rubber panties, relishing the pole established in my butthole as I sat on it down to the ground (literally!) & waddled off the plane with my dildo asserting it's presence, carrying it through customs, out of the airport & off to the drop up my ass. Now, the customs agents (men & women both) just drooled every time I came in, each and every one of them wishing it was he or she, instead of that glorious fuck toy, that was embedded up my rear end. I could hear the whispers. "What a nasty little skank!" "She's one horny bitch, always going around carrying a cock up her butt." And, it's not illegal to carry a sex toy through customs in your body. It's a personal item, after all, not an import purchased overseas & subject to customs fees. There's no law that says your erogenous zones have to be empty on arrival, just empty of contraband. (Not that mine were, but they sure didn't know that!) It's just a matter of what. Condom boluses of coke or diamonds are illegal, big fat dicks are (obviously) NOT! We hoped (counted on, figured) that customs would never get wise. At other points of entry, more questions were asked, as we weren't so familiar to them, especially when you go through on a particular route the first few times. They'd seen their own "home-girls" do the same thing, we just weren't THEIR 'home-girls'. On my first return to L.A. from Hong Kong, they got nosy. No surprise. The customs agent covering the line I was in was a hot raven-headed amazon with a body like a porn star. Noting the rambone up my rear end, she quietly took me aside, calling a supervisor to cover her own ass. "Miss, we need to ask you some questions," she asked in a very coy manner. "Do you normally go about carrying huge dildos in your rectum while you're working?" "Why, yes... I DO! I just ADORE... something BIG!" "Isn't it... quite... uncomfortable? It's rather unusual to see a flight attendant..." "carrying something so LARGE?" I interrupted. "Surely, you've seen other stews, male AND female, holding a sex toy when they pass through?" "Well, yes.." "We DO get horny on long flights, you know. But, it's worth our jobs, not to mention OFFICIALLY against FAA/TSA regs for either airline employees OR passengers to engage in any type of intercourse on an aircraft. There are no regs about SELF-pleasuring." "True." "So, what's the harm? So, so I've got a ... NINETEEN inch... LONG... FOUR inch WIDE... phallic sex toy greased up my butt & held in with rubber underwear, so what?" "Well..." "That's my... PERSONAL... business... isn't it?" (said she who actually had several boluses of heroin, worth millions on the street, melded within the latex of the super shitsanke plumbing her alimentary heights!) "All the same, I think we'd better check with upstairs, don't you? Why don't I take her someplace a little more private?" said the porn star look-alike to her supervisor. "Go ahead. Think you'll... need a hand?" "No, I'm sure I can... handle... anything... than comes up!!" Ohhh, yeahh... she just wanted to fuck me... and her supervisor knew it, & didn't care. It's not like they knew what was inside the dildo & were expecting a bribe or something. She led me away. I winked at my fellow FAs. The other couriers smiled back, catching on. We wound up in a quiet exam room in the infirmary. Unlike if I was actually busted & they were starting the process, we were alone. She undressed me, like she wanted to fuck me, & pulled my dirty dick deliciously from my butt. If this amazon bitch isn't a butch anal dyke, I'm Uncle Sam. "OOOOOOOHHHHH My GOODD!! It's WONDERFUL! WHERE... did you FIND it?" "In an adult bookstore in San Diego. It's a real find, even though it's made by a big name. There's not a... BIG... demand for these like there is for regular sizes! See the logo on the balls?" "Yeah... I'm gonna order me one of these right off their website. I'd have to spend a lot of time looking, otherwise; BIG dicks are hard to find!" 'Ain't that the truth! Gimme a nice, sizable dildo any day." "Would you, possibly..." "At ANY other time, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. I've got to catch a deadhead to D/FW in less than an hour, though. Have you got a card, so when I'm next in town..." Her name was Jeanna. "Ohhh...kay. HATE to see you go. Ahum. OFFICIALLY... examination of this... GLORIOUS... sex toy reveals nothing to indicate you're smuggling anything in it... [not that she could tell, it was put in during the manufacturing process! Too bad all these rambones get destroyed after one usage!] so, I'll give it back & let you go. UNofficially... before you go..." "How about a little show, to remember until we get together?" "PLLLEEAAASSE...." "This IS an infirmary, got any vaseline?" Jeanna grinned an evil leer & obliged me, giving me five family sized jars. "I bring quite a few... new acquiantances... here." "I'd NEVER have guessed!" I greased all of the five jar's worth on it or into me. Then, I sat it on the center of the doctor's table & sat.... ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... DOWNNN... on it... she could only rub her pussy to ecstasy as I sat down... down... and it went up... UUUHHUUPPP.... I peed & came as it bumped home... "aahhh... AAHH... AAAHHHHH... !!!!" "You're good!" "I wish we had time for more... MUCH more..." "I know. You've got thirty minutes until the flight to D/FW departs. And, you've got to move it... as best you can!", she trailed off in a titter. "Remember... I've got your number, & I know where you work. Next time... I promise." "I.... CAN'T... wait!" She led me back out, finished the formalities, & I got outta there. And, so it went. On Pacific & South American routes, the cargo was almost always heroin or cocaine, Atlantic routes were gemstones, precious metals, & various forms of money. Hundreds of thousands of dollars up my ass at any one time. Three years after she inducted me into her ring, Scarlet retired from the airline. Thanks to her multiple favors & backing, with the increasing seniority I was gaining, I got the gem of assignments: the Concorde. A much easier run. Jet setters, lots of money, winks by customs at JFK. Enjoying the butt-stuffing, but getting tired of the risk, now that I had a few million in the bank under fake names, I decided to get out of couriering (personally), & went after a pilot's license. I hoped I could follow in Scarlet's footsteps & lead the ring, & import only when I wanted to be stuffed full for several hours. She'd have to 'retire' from the ring & pass the reins to someone else, sooner or later. So, I got a pilot's license in my spare time. Besides, flight commanders are suspected less than FAs are, even in times like these. There were a few times, every now and again, where the chance of getting caught came home HARD. Once in Miami, shortly before I got hooked up to the Concorde, they wouldn't wink at the obvious slutdom I was exhibiting. They took me aside, gave me a complete exam, & thoroughly went over my rambone. Thank God the latex was thick & they didn't see a need to cut it open. Another time in L.A., when Jeanna & her grinning supervisors weren't around, same thing. I sweated bullets they wouldn't figure out how to open the re-usable hard plastic cargo bole. Got away clean every time, never got them confiscated. After that epsidoe in L.A., I called up Jeanna. I played mad, she smoothed things over, & we buttfucked each other HUGELY ten ways from Sunday. (Butt, that's a story all it's own!) Things were almost too good to be true, otherwise. That's why I kept being leery of the whole thing. If I let my guard down, I'd REALLY be in the soup. After five years, I'd made close to ten mil. I wanted to get out of the 'high-traffic' end & go into business for myself. I had my pilot's license, & many contacts wanted me to be their personal pilot. What had begun as blackmail had become friendship, HUGE profits, & LOTS of butt-fucking. I loved how things were, no matter how they'd gotten that way. And THAT'S when the ceiling caved in. Things had been getting tighter, security-wise. That was a given after 9/11. Word had it the new TSA, Customs, everyone under the umbrella of the HSA was slowly starting to get suspicious of SO many F.A.'s & pilots coming through carrying large dildos in their bodies that they were thinking of... no one knew just what action. Random checks? Confiscating rods? Banning carrying rods in, putting them on a list of forbidden items in luggage OR in the body? God forbid they should confiscate them during a take down & actually get one open & find the goods. Unfortunately, I found out the hard way. After the Concorde stopped flying, I put in my paperwork for A.L.P.(AirLine Pilot) certification & beginning type training on MD-88s & 737s. I was a long way from manning the stick of a heavy jet, I had to start small, like every other pilot. I wanted to retire from this end of the business before things went south altogether. While my paperwork was processed, I was put on to the Rio-Miami-JFK run. I hated the going through customs in Florida, they were ALWAYS on the lookout for ANYTHING suspicious in Miami. Even with the major smuggling money, things were still WAY tighter now than ever before. I did NOT want to have to go through the rigorous checks every time I landed. I hoped the actual courier runs (as compared with normal cargo-less runs) would be only once in a while, every other week or so. Still, I loved the run, the money was better with the increased risk, cargo = $$/BIG toys. Rio was a fun place, too, even when it wasn't Carnival. Then... Early one morning, we were on the leg from Rio to Miami. A long 'red-eye'. Shortly before landing, I got myself set & stuffed my cargo tube up my ass. On these runs, the contacts never got close to us. I was good to go. There were two others on my crew carrying via dildo, and heaven knew who among the passengers was still muling by the riskier old ways. As we descended, a passenger started foaming at the mouth, got spastic, & then STIFF. He had every sign of a mule who'd swallowed his cargo before boarding, & had had one erode in his stomach. They quarantined the flight, checking EVERY passenger & crew member thoroughly before they could leave customs. When they got to me... "You're the senior F.A. on this flight, miss?" "Uh-huh." "Did you know that two of your female personnel have been found to be carrying sizable sex toys in their rectums?" "No; but I'm not surprised. When you keep long hours like we do, you get tired, lonely, & horny. Walking around with something inside you keeps the juices flowing, keeps your energy levels up when you're tired. I do that myself." "Are you now?" "Yes, is that REALLY a problem? I've worked for this airline for close to ten years, working various international runs almost the entire length of my tenure. I've carried one of multiple dildos I own, of varying size, up my ass while I'm working for most of that tenure; and no one in customs has ever thought it anything other than wierd or lewd. And there are no regulations, federal or airline, that stipulate airline employees cannot carry a sex toy in their body while they're working. Using it in public, that's one thing. Privately wearing it about & acting normally, that's not against the law." "Well, miss, new regulations are coming down prohibiting passengers or flight crews from entering the country with a sex toy in their body. Those are being lumped in with the regs re public behavior & sexual contact with other members of the flight crew or passengers while in flight. Any found will be confiscated. There are concerns that contraband is finding it's way into this country this way, or worse. I'm sure you could imagine the devastation, if, say, a terrorist made a suicide bomb out of plastic explosive, shaped it as a phallic device, inserted it in a convenient orifice, & then detonated it on a plane or in another public place? A large penile device like you and your co-workers tend to use could easily be composed of 10-20 pounds of explosive. The effect would be... catastrophic.. on an aircraft. We're going to have to examine you & your personnel further. Your people are referring us to you, as the senior flight attendant, as to what we can do. They're willing to submit to a BCS (body cavity search) & complete examination if you are; but only if you are. That is their right. Are you willing to submit to such a search?" OH, SHIT. We were sunk. (I kind of knew that, deep in my stomach, when the whole thing started with that mule.) Yes or no, it didn't matter. They'd search, legally, & we'd be DAMN lucky if they didn't find the cargo in any of our butt rods. Still... "I most certainly will not. That's an invasion of my privacy. I'm smuggling nothing, and the only explosion my dildo is causing is an orgasm, not that that's any of your business." "I'm afraid we'll have to insist. It'd be easier on everyone if we didn't have to get a warrant." "Until carrying a dildo up my ass on any airplane IS illegal, you'd better get one." "Come with us, please." "Oh, very well." Now, the pleasure turned to indignity as the rough-hewn hands of TSA doctors removed my dildo & fisted my holes none too gently in the name of national security. After the invasive searches & Xrays, they paid mind to my dildo, examining it thoroughly & cutting it open. BUSTED. The same for the other two, as well. We were dragged off to federal holding. WE... were in DEEP shit. We'd be lucky to be dead. Then again.... END CH 4.