…From the Ashes the Phoenix Rises
By Danyealle
(FanFiction/Angst)
Chapter 8
Early in the afternoon, true to his word, he took her into the village to look around. The first stop was the seamstress where she picked out some material for the kimonos he was having made for her. When deciding to buy her some he thought he would have a lot of explaining to do but she seemed to be of the opinion that if he wanted to buy her clothes then she would let him. After that they spent the next few hours wandering through the shops where she was able to pick up some small trinkets for her family.
As he expected, there were some very strange looks thrown their way. It was all but unheard of for him to be seen in the company of a female, unless they were part of his staff, let alone a human one that was a miko. Quite frankly, as was the case with most things in his life, he didn’t care what anyone thought. Honestly, he was having ‘fun’ with her. As she had done the day before, she asked question about various things and landmarks so he found himself telling her about the history of the place and things that had happened there. It wasn’t until they were back at the fortress that he realized how long they had been gone and just how much he had talked to her, more than he had anyone for years. It had been easy to do, something about her made it easy to lose yourself in conversation with.
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Usually, Kagome took her meals in her room. Generally the children would join her for them and they would have a bit of fun while they ate. That night Sesshomaru had requested, not ordered like he would most beings, that she join him in the dinning room. After donning one of her new kimonos, it was green with black designs on it, her maid escorted her down to the dinning room where Sesshomaru met them.
His first thought was that he had been correct, she was stunning. Not only was she absolutely beautiful in the finely crafted garment but she had tamed her wild hair and piled it on top of her head. If he thought she was breathtaking before, now she was stunning!
Although he chose to eat in the dining room, generally-like her-he took his meals in his room for study, they were the only two beings there. Yes, the atmosphere was a bit more formal and stiff but they were able to easily slip into conversation. Soon the stiff atmosphere had become something less formal and both beings more comfortable.
It was during that conversation that Sesshomaru had an epiphany. Since she had returned he had been concerned about the changes in her and her personality. At first he chalked most of it up to the medication she had taken, although he understood what she had gone through probably did change her and strip away at least a bit of her trusting innocence. But as she had improved and grew stronger, strong enough to stop taking all but one of the medications, so much still hadn’t come back. That had bothered him. Now, though, he finally understood. No, that part of her was gone forever. When she had leaped through the well after being hurt so badly she had still been a teenager. When she had returned she was an adult, albeit a wounded one. From the ashes of her teenage innocence had risen a young woman who was growing stronger each passing day. He wouldn’t be surprised if, in the end, she would end up far stronger than she ever had been. Yes, he would miss the girlish giggles as well as the youthful innocent sparkle that had always danced in her eyes but what had replaced it was just as pleasing, only in a different way. It was a cool reserved beauty and personality that seemed to wrap its’ self around you and hold you in its spell. That fire and spirit that was like her trademark was back, just more understated that it had been. Her quick, flash-fire temper was under control. Oh, he was sure it could still ignite into hot, almost flesh-searing flames if she was sufficiently provoked but her fuse was a great deal longer and she didn’t seem to let things ‘get’ to her like they had. Along with all that she seemed to have developed a confidence in herself that had been lacking in the past, that wasn’t surprising since she started traveling with the half-breed all she heard was his rants on pathetic, weak humans as well as well aimed barrages directed specifically at her. Her confidence must have been boosted when it had become apparent that she was desperately needed. Then she came back to a pack whose dynamics had changed. Gone was the verbal abuse that was used by someone who was trying to boost his own ego by tearing down hers. With that gone she had been allowed to show confidence without hear of ridicule. Because of that her interpersonal relationships with those in the pack had shifted a bit. Though, other than Shippo, she was the youngest of the pack, she was now on par, maturity-wise, with the others.
Kagome had grown up finally. Though some of her antics would be missed by all the phoenix that had emerged from the ashes was a being that everyone liked a lot, just as much as her predecessor. Well, except maybe Inuyasha.
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After dinner, and a very pleasant, quiet walk in the gardens, he disappeared into his study to take care of the few things that had arrived for him during the day. She then went off to play with the children before they went to bed.
While sitting at his desk going through the few scrolls that had arrived that day, his mind wandered a bit. Because they were pretty much mundane things, nothing emergent or urgent, while he went through them Inuyasha became the target of his thoughts.
Yes, he would freely admit that he had never liked the whelp but it wasn’t for the reasons people thought. The circumstances of his birth or the fact that he was a hanyou wasn’t the reason for his dislike of the boy, those were things he couldn’t help or be blamed for. If anything any blame for that was directed at his father. No, his dislike for the boy came from another reason. Inuyasha was an arrogant, self-absorbed whelp that had next to no honor and was obsessed only with getting what he wanted and power.
Yes, he-Sesshomaru, would admit he was arrogant and desired power but that was also balanced with a sense of honor and fairness. An example of that was Kagome. He would never stoop so low as to do what the half-breed had done to her.
That cruelty and low act is but one example in a long line of things that had formed his opinion of Inuyasha over the years. Time after time he had proven that he would do what he wanted to get what he wanted no matter who he hurt. Yes, he understood the boy had a rough life but that was no excuse. The monk that traveled with him had lost both parents at a young age yet he would never stoop so low as to do some of what the hanyou had done.
From a neutral point of view he could see why the half-breed had been so attached to Kikyo. Other than his mother he was sure that the miko was the first female to show him any kindness. It would be normal and natural for him to become attached to her in the way he had. Also, the anger and want for revenge after what Naraku had done was something he could understand as well. He would even have been understanding about the single-mindedness in pursuit of that revenge. But that understanding stopped when it came to some of the other things the boy had done.
Honestly, he would be the first to admit that his first several encounters with the little priestess weren’t good ones and were less than ignominious because his prejudice got in the way. Since then things had improved on that front. But the half-breed didn’t have that reasoning. From the very beginning all the little miko had done was show him caring and kindness. Even he could see that the young human had loved the half-breed. Though not the strongest or most skilled of beings when it came to fighting in its various forms, Kagome, because she did care so much, stood up for him and thought nothing of facing off against any being, no matter how strong, to defend him. Even for Inuyasha that may have eventually have changed him for the better. But it didn’t get the chance. That demon had brought back Kikyo and ended any chance for that kind of change.
Most beings would not have allowed something to walk the earth who used a piece of anothers soul to do so. Inuyasha had. He also tried to bring back what they had shared at the expense of the living miko that had so cared for him. Most also wouldn’t let a being who was little more than a funeral urn with legs continue to walk after they found out that she remained that way because she took the souls of dead women. Inuyasha had. Most would have sent her where she belonged after she tried to take them to hell. Not Inuyasha. He was foolish enough that he would have gone with her willingly! Most would have seen sense when she had stolen Kagomes’ jewel shards and gave them to Naraku. Not Inuyasha. Even after that he still ran to her whenever she was near. Never once did he stop trying to get back what he once had with her even though it was apparent to almost all that the being he had once felt so much for was gone, replaced by something else. She lied to him, he ignored it. She caused him pain, he ignored it. He buried his head in the sand and pointed out all the good she still did, never once understanding that some good acts cannot compensate for the evil that some beings do.
Yet the little priestess stood by him, her love never wavering. Hurt after hurt had carelessly been piled on her by the half-breed who seemed not to know or care. In fact, at least once, he had decided that he would choose Kikyo over Kagome. Yet the little miko stayed with him. Hurt after hurt, betrayal after betrayal and Kagome stood by him, love never wavering.
It seemed that once the hanyou realized that Kagome would always be there for him, always love him no matter what he did, that he began to take it for granted. No, that wasn’t right, it wasn’t an unconscious thing, he knew exactly what he was doing. He did whatever he wanted and Kami forbid the little priestess say anything about it. It had become apparent to all that the half-breed expected to have his cake and eat it too. He could have both. It was as though he felt he was entitled to both of them and it didn’t matter that he was causing Kagome pain. Yes indeed, the little priestess was hurting too. Every time he would vanish you could feel and see her pain and heartbreak. He, himself, had personally witnessed that. Though she had put on a brace face and acted like it didn’t matter but everyone could feel her hurt and he could smell the salt from the tears that were just below the surface.
At that point everyone, he was pretty sure even Kagome, knew Inuyasha had made his choice and it was Kikyo. But it didn’t appear that he was willing to let Kagome go either. Part of it probably was that she was his insurance policy. If something happened to Kikyo or she got rid of him he could turn to Kagome. All he seemed to be thinking about was himself, he didn’t seem to give a damn that he was hurting Kagome or quite frankly care anything she was feeling. All the egocentric half-breed seemed to care about was himself and what he wanted. Nothing or no one else seemed to matter in his world.
If that wasn’t bad enough, other things began to happen as well. At first he would vanish once in a while at night to go meet the dead one. He didn’t seem to think that he was leaving those he had sworn to protect vulnerable and unprotected. When he would go he would just up and leave without telling anyone he was going or have someone watch over the rest of the pack. It didn’t matter if it was the middle of the night; he just left without bothering to wake anyone. Then the time became more frequent. As one would expect their enemies found out. Of course, like most would, they took advantage of it.
At first it was low-level youkai that normally wouldn’t try to take on a being as powerful as Inuyasha. At that point they didn’t have to. All they had to do was wait for the hanyou to leave and lurk a bit then attack. And attack they did, time after time. For a while it was almost a weekly occurrence. But did Inuyasha stop sneaking off and decide to take care of his responsibilities of a position he had willingly taken on? Of course not! He would swear up, down and sideways he wouldn’t do it again but it seemed that when Kikyo was near he forgot that because he would be off, running to her once again.
If that wasn’t bad enough Naraku, as would be expected, found out about the excursions. Of course he took advantage of it. The result was Kagome being kidnapped by one of his incarnations. Yes Inuyasha made it in time to rescue her, barely. Of course he swore he would never do it again, that he would keep his promise and protect her. She bluntly had told him he was a liar. As one would expect when it came to him he denied he was lying and swore he would. He hadn’t. Yes, for a while he did, quite rabidly too-he must have understood how close he had come to losing her. But once again Kikyo had begun to show up so yet again Inuyasha forgot everything else.
He found it the height of irony that the only reason the walking piece of pottery was still around was Kagome. The little priestess had healed the being that caused her so much pain after Naraku had thrown her into his river of miasma. Yes, part of the reason she had done it was it was ‘right’. But also because not doing so would have hurt Inuyasha. The boy had missed that, far, long and wide. No where did he understand the sacrifice Kagome had made. He didn’t even do something as small as thank her for it. No, instead he would run off to the dead miko and abandon the living one. The magnitude of what she had done seemed totally lost on the whelp. She was willing to give up her own happiness so he could be happy. Most time he would think that someone who would do something like that would have an agenda but as Sesshomaru was well aware Kagome didn’t. She was one of the few beings in the world that did it to make someone else happy, even if it cost her own happiness in the process.
It also seemed that it didn’t matter to the whelp how much overt pain he caused her. There was no way Inuyasha could not have known what effect his cruel words had on her. He could easily see and hear the effect. If he was obtuse that he missed it the exterminator, monk and kit had told him bluntly. It seemed they boy just didn’t give a damn. Oh, he was fine after she had been hurt or attacked or when Kikyo wasn’t around but if Kikyo was the mean streak showed.
Sighing, Sesshomaru leaned back in his chair. Locking his fingers behind his head, he shut his eyes. Until that moment he hadn’t realized how much he knew about the situation with the little priestess. Yes, he had learned part of it after starting to travel with the shard hunters but he had already known a lot of it.
For some reason, once Rin had begun to travel with him, he had taken an interest in Kagome. Now he would admit it was because the two were a lot alike, Kagome was just an older version of the child. At the time all he would admit to was he wondered what people saw in her to inspire the loyalty she did. Creeping in at that time was also the thought that she should join him. It was then that he started paying attention to the half-breed and his pack.
Yes, when he began his single-minded pursuit of Naraku he knew he was going to need some help in some from for the whelp and his pack. But as time wore on he became convinced that it was more the little priestess he would need rather than the hanyou. She was the true power in the pack, not Inuyasha and the fang. That was becoming self proving time and again.
Honestly, for a while even he held out the hope that they boy was on track to maturity and growing up. Yes, it might take a bit longer and be slower than what most people took but it might come.
Unfortunately, like so many hopes with the half-breed, it was dashed. Yes, he did gain maturity in some areas but they were negated by his actions when it came to the dead miko. When Kikyo was in the picture he seemed to revert back to his former mindset and maturity level.
It also seemed, at least to him, that when the boy was confronted with something ’wrong’ he had done or a mistake he made he didn’t own up to it or admit fault, his hackles rose and he spewed back the ‘best offense is a good defense’ tactic. The situation with Kagome was a perfect example of that. Never once had the half-breed tried to apologize to her. When he did try to talk to her he was insulting her. That may just be a way to get her attention but it was the wrong way to go about it. After the first couple time he did that he should have realized it wasn’t working and changed tactics. But he didn’t.
Another thing is the boy still hadn’t openly admitted what he had done, let alone that it was wrong. He, Sesshomaru, was the one that told what had happened, not Inuyasha. Nor had the boy either confirmed or denied it. To this day he hadn’t. Honestly, if he out and out said, he wanted to apologize to her he and Kouga would let him finish what he had to say. He hadn’t bothered. If he had come to them and said that they probably would have let him as long as they were present of course. He hadn’t done that either. All he truly seemed concerned about was the way he was being treated. Yes, he may have felt differently about the situation but he didn’t show it.
But the most aggravating thing, bar none, was the whelps’ stubborn refusal to learn anything! Most beings would quickly learn what is/isn’t acceptable behavior and modify it accordingly. Especially if beatings from Kouga were part of the ‘learning process’. Honestly, most out there wouldn’t need a beating to learn certain things. Not Inuyasha! They had tried everything, explaining, talking, yelling then beatings but the lesson had yet to be absorbed. It seemed the only thing the boy had learned was just what to do or how far he could push to avoid a Kouga ass-kicking. Nothing more. No other behavior had changed at all. Even more infuriating was the boy seemed to feel that everyone was picking on him, not that what he was doing was wrong!
Shutting his eyes, Sesshomaru rubbed them with his palms, growling as he thought about the baka half-breed. Silently, he willed himself to calm down.
Once he was in control of his emotions again he looked at the few remaining scrolls on his desk. He had done enough work for the night, he decided. That was quickly followed by the question ‘I wonder what Kagome is up to’. That, he decided, was a far more pleasant expenditure of his time so he would go find out.