A Bent Penny
Penny Lee: lifelong loser and sexual misfit. That’s me.
I’m writing this not for fame or fortune, or because I think I’m the cat’s whiskers, or even because I think I have such an uplifting or interesting tale to tell that people might actually enjoy reading it. I can’t even promise a happy ending, though that would be nice, wouldn’t it?
The truth is, I’m writing this for me. You wouldn’t be harsh in thinking, if you succeed in finishing this catalogue of disasters, why I’ve managed to survive thus far; why hasn’t justice been served and seen the dreadful bitch off the planet? But muddle through I have, stumbling from cock-up to catastrophe and losing the plot a few times. And now I’m struggling to get it right at long last.
So bear with me, please - this is my confession. I want to come clean, grow up and move on.
Penny Lee
Catalunya, Spain
With special thanks to Audrey, Howard, Janet and Ingo, without whom this tale might well have ended much sooner.
© Penny S Lee, 2005.
Preface
It has taken 38 or so years for this tale to approach a happy conclusion. Or a hopeful new beginning, as it should more realistically be seen.
As I set out to write this account of my time on Earth so far, it soon became shamefully clear to me that almost every aspect of my shallow life has been dominated by sex. Whether I wanted it to be or not. That makes it a sordid tale: a desperate chronology of weakness, bad judgement and failure of which I’m definitely not proud.
I was a bad kid, a desperate teenager and in adulthood, I deteriorated into a hollow vessel, devoid of scruples and driven by physical desire, until I sickened even myself. But rather than deny it, or cover it up, I want to put the crap behind me now. Own up to my past, get it out in the open, expose it for the baggage it is and then dispose of it. It is ancient history and I promise I'm no longer Bad, Bent Penny. Still occasionally naughty perhaps, still learning, but older and wiser and determined not to screw up any more.
You may wonder why I should want to publish this and expose myself to inevitable condemnation. Some of the things I’ve done certainly justify that and probably more besides. I just hope that people might be inclined to see my failings in context, and then perhaps give me the second chance I crave.
I’m starting over - I now have a nice home, in a great climate; a small circle of really true chums; and a modest yet growing business with the prospect of financial independence. I would have liked to add to that list that I’ve even found someone with who I’d be happy to share my life, but that prize has still eluded me. It nearly happened this year. But didn’t. Yet again. So forget I said that. Maybe it’s my just desserts.
These words represent what I hope will be my final look at my past. I really don't need it any longer.
I want to live the present. To find my soul and rejoin the human race.
Please let me back.
Next Chapter: 1. Early Days
