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The Nature of Man

By Kenn Ghannon

Chapter 4.

September faded to October and October to November.  Eric managed to visit
his lake about once or twice a week, but Shawn never showed up.  His classes
were going well, though he didn't pay much attention to them.  He had read
the books for each of his classes that first month and now just used them
for reference sometimes on his homework.

He was a little surprised how well the weight lifting was going, however.
At first, he had hated it...but after a while, he saw it as another means of
escaping his life.  He could go down there, push and pull on some metal bars
and just daydream or think of nothing.  No one really bothered him when he
weight-lifted, except for the times his uncle Tom came down with him, and
that suited him fine.  He often found himself down there two or three times
a week.

Of course, every Saturday was reserved for visiting his sister Gwen in the
hospital.  She had made no progress, but he visited her every Saturday
anyway.  Sometimes he'd read to her, sometimes he'd talk to her and
sometimes he'd just sit there and hold her hand.  Many times, he'd come out
of the hospital feeling depressed, and angry, and sad.  On those days, he'd
get out of the car and head straight for the basement and work himself until
he could physically do no more.

It was after one such episode that things finally took a turn for the better
for him.  He was at his normal Monday shrink appointment (as he called them)
and was just sitting listening to Angela's clock.  Angela was quickly losing
hope that she'd ever be able to reach the young man and make him right with
the world again.  So his visits to her office had become long bouts of
forced silence, in between monotone answers to her questions.

"So, Eric," Angela began, a bit of her hopelessness crossing into her voice.
"How is the weight lifting thing going?"

"Well, dad's..." he looked up at her, shocked, a dozen emotions crossing
quickly across his face.  "I mean...uh...Uncle Tom has been helping spot me
lately...and..."  His voice took on a new tone of panic.

"Why do you think you called your Uncle dad just then?" Angela questioned
intently.  Inside her mind was going a mile a minute.  FINALLY, she crowed
internally, a chink in his armor.

"I don't know it just slipped out.  Quit badgering me.  It was an accident."

"But it had to mean something, don't you think?  For it to just slip out so
easily that way."

"NO," Eric yelled.  "It meant nothing.  Just leave me alone, okay?  Just
leave me alone."

"Calm down, Eric.  I was just wondering what would make you call your Uncle
Tom dad."

"It was a mistake, I said," his voice was well into screaming now...but his
eyes were on the verge of tears.  As Angela watched, one rolled down his
face.  "He's not my father!  He can't be my father!  I don't want him to be
my father!"

"I can understand that," Angela said, taken a little aback by the vehemence
in Eric's voice.  "But why would you say that."

"Don't you understand, you stupid bitch!" Eric screamed, standing, pushing
the chair behind him.  "Don't you get it?  I don't want him as my father.
If he's my father he'll start hitting me.  I'll get beat over and over and
over again.  And then he'll kill her.  He'll kill us all."  Sobs wracked
Eric's body as he turned to flee.  Instead he tripped over the chair and
curled himself into a ball.

"No more," came his muffled cry, his arms around his head, curled as small
as he could get it.  "I don't want this to happen any more."

Angela got up and sat next to the crying teen, and pulled him against her.
"It's okay, Eric.  It's okay.  It isn't going to happen again."

Eric just sobbed against her.

Things began to turn around, although slowly, after that.  Eric didn't
really emerge from his shell so much as he started taking quick peeks out of
the corners.  In the beginning of December, on another Friday afternoon,
Eric was walking out of the school when he happened to spy Christina talking
to his angel again.  He tried to turn around and get back in the school, but
Christina saw him before he managed it.

"ERIC!" she called, and he had no choice but to walk over there.

"Eric, you remember Shawn, right?  And this is Bobby Tanson and Ellen Morok.
Guys, this is my cousin Eric."

Eric shook all of their hands and forced a smile.  "Hi".

"Hey, we're going to the coffee shop to hang out.  I don't supposed you'd
want to come with..." her voice trailed off.  She knew it was useless, but she
kept trying as she had for several months now.  Every single time, he had
turned her down.

"Well.  Um.  Sure," he surprised her by responding.

"Cool!  Come on!"

"Hey Eric, don't you have algebra with me?" Ellen asked.  "You sit in the
back row, right?"

"Yea."

"Don't mind him, El," Christina interrupted with a giggle.  "I think that's
more than he spoke the entire month of October."   The others laughed at her
little joke.

Eric felt his face go red and was about to beg out of the little group...and
then he got it.  He suddenly realized that they weren't making fun of him to
laugh at him...they were making fun of him like they would any one of their
other friends.  They were including him.  He marveled at it for a little
while.  His realization astounded him.  They were treating him...good for
nothing him...like he belonged.  Tears shone in his eyes as the realization
swept over him.

The coffee house was packed, but he had a good time.  Admittedly, most of
his time was spent admiring Shawn, but for the first time in his life he
felt like he belonged.

They stayed for only about an hour, but it was one of the best hours he had
ever spent.  He almost hated it when Christina said it was time to go and he
tried to talk her out of it.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I've got homework," she told him.  "Shawn
's coming over, though, so it won't be a total waste." Her eyes twinkled
merrily at him.

"I...um...don't know what you mean," Eric replied.

"Yea.  Riiiiight.  I've seen how you look at her, Eric," Christina giggled
at him.  "It's okay, though.  Just don't stalk her or anything."  She
teased.

Eric's blush went clear to his toes.  "She hasn't said anything, has she?"
He mumbled nervously.

"No...but I think she knows.  You should make your move!"

"I.  Well.  I wouldn't know how."  Eric stared at the floor, his face
blushing again.

"You're kidding, right?  Look, Er, just go up to her and say, would you like
to go out Saturday.  That's it."

"What if she says no?"

"Then she says no.  Would you rather ask her, with the say 50/50 chance she
says no or never ask her and have a 100 percent chance she says no?"

"I don't think I can, Chris.  Couldn't you do it for me?  Just find out what
she thinks?"

"Uh-uh.  You've got to do this on your own, big guy.  Just do it, Er.  Okay?
You might be surprised."

"Maybe on the way home."

"Okay...but you're going to miss out if you don't," she turned to call to her
friend.  "Shawn!  Coming?"  Christina watched with satisfaction as Shawn
stood up from the table and gathered her books.

"By the way, Er...you realize that is the very first time you've ever called
me Chris, right?"

"Sorry, it just kind of slipped out."

"Hey.  I'm not complaining.  I just thought it was kind of significant...you
know?"  She put her arm around her younger cousin.  "We'll get you loosened
up yet, ya big galoot."

The walk home was quiet, at least on Eric's part.  He struggled with himself
most of the way, but as they were turning onto the little lane where his
Aunt and Uncle's house sat, he came to a decision.

"Shawn?"

"What's up, Eric?"

"Well...um...I was kind of wondering...if you'd...you know...want to maybe...uh...go out
tomorrow night," Eric's tongue felt like it was thickening just to spite
him.  "If you aren't doing anything," he finished quickly.

Shawn looked at his face and laughed, her voice musical.  "Wow!  Was it
really that hard?"  She doubled up in stitches.

"Sorry," she said after looking over at Eric's hardening face.  "I couldn't
resist.  Of course I'd like to go out with you tomorrow night."

"Hey!" Christina started.  "Evan and I are going out tomorrow.  We can
double date!!  You remember Evan Thyme, don't you cuz?  I've introduced you
a couple of times."

"Yea, I remember.  That sounds okay." Eric said dubiously.

"Great, it's settled then.  Evan's got his license, so he can pick us all
up!  It'll be great!"

Eric followed the two girls in a bit of a daze, and also a hint of
trepidation.  He had done it.  He was actually going to go out...with a girl.
And not just any girl, but the girl he'd been dreaming about for nearly 4
months. So why did his hands feel all clammy all of a sudden??