PENA'S STORY: Part 6: The Rite of Penitence
Alicia began to expand on the ritual central to the Society's activities: the Rite of Primal Release. I had experienced only the inductee level of this ritual. It was so different from what I had experienced in church where guilt was the driving force to make a confession yet the punishments were meaningless and in no way purged any remaining guilt. What right did a priest have to make judgement on my character! I could not even begin to imagine myself kneeling naked in front of a priest. I had found my first Rite of Primal Release very liberating. It was a deep emotional cleansing without any form of guilt. Alicia had made it clear from the start that her role was to listen and facilitate but never to judge. Now I was a full member and was expected to go deeper into the ritual that was the core of the Rite itself. I attended psychology classes twice a week at the university. I also attended classes in active observation and sat down with alicia once a week to practice my skills. I learned different ways of breathing. I internalized sacred texts. I found that this study helped me a lot in my work as a lawyer. I had a full book and was happy. At weekends I went home and relaxed. At the bottom of my garden was a hedge in which vines of the plant we call samsamping grew. Their flowers looked exactly like an unhooded clitoris nestling between parted outer labia devoid of inner lips. They were a mirror of what lay between my legs and a constant and welcome reminder of my Society membership.
It was time for me to learn about the Rite of Penitence. I knew from school that the Jesuits had used torture to extract confessions from their victims. From experience I knew that the deep confession technique rendered this unnecessary. Alicia explained to me that the founders of the Society had decided to include a measure of physical pain within the ritual on certain occasions. Christian monks and nuns flogged themselves as part of their penitence rites and Society members were expected to administer a mild but firm self-administered flogging to their shoulders and buttocks. This was normally performed in the presence of a “buddy” and it was considered quite 'normal' for some mutual flogging to occur! Alicia felt I was ready to experience this ritual. I had never ben spanked or received any kind of physical punishment as a child. The idea of receiving or giving a flogging felt really strange to me but I knew it was a part of being a Society member and felt ready to experience it.
Alicia took me to a leather shop in Ermita to choose a flogger for myself. This was part of Manila's Red Light District and both of us had to avoid the groping hands of the punters. Noi-noi, the manager of the leather shop was a member of the Society. He welcomed me and led us into a back room where he laid out a range of implements. I examined them carefully, gazing at each one before picking it up and running my fingers through the lashes. I was quite damp between my legs by the time I had examined them all. I admitted that I had absolutely no idea which one to choose or how to use it. I asked Alicia to choose a flogger for me. In fact she chose two: one of deerskin and the other of harder leather. She would teach me how to use them when we were back in her home.
Back in my “classroom” Alicia unwrapped the floggers and placed them on my desk. She explained that the Rite of Penitence was not a punishment; instead, it offered the recipient a place to reflect upon their life. The ritual was not intended to be an act of Sado-masochism. Pain was an essential part of the ritual but it had to be fully consenial, offered with compassion and received with love. I admitted to Alicia that I has felt a flash of sexual arousal as I handled the floggers. She told me that it was quite normal and she often experienced sexual excitement at some point during the ritual. However, she never did it solely for sexual gratification and advised me not to do so either.
Alicia asked me to change into my robe and close it with a red cord. She left the room as I undressed myself, returning in her black robe. We went down to the practice room, carrying the floggers. She picked up the deerskin flogger and showed me how to hold and swing it. I practiced swinging against the back of my guest chair. Alicia unfastened her robe and allowed it to fall to the floor. “Swing hard and aim for my shoulders” she said. I did so. alicia complemented me and told me to give her 9 more strokes in the same area. I complied. A series of light red streaks appeared on Alicia’s upper back. She turned to face me and there was a big smile on her face. She reached out and undid the cord on my own robe which allowed to fall to the ground. She took the flogger out of my hand and told me to stand up straight and relax. There was a sudden sting across my shoulders which was followed by several more at intervals of around 2 seconds. I counted silently to myself up to 25. “Now your bottom!” said Alicia as she began to swing a little harder than before. This time I received 40 swats and my bottom felt pleasantly warm. She handed me the flogger. “Now you must practice on your own body. Start with your bottom and keep going until I tell you to stop!” She pulled my feet wide apart and said “Begin!”. My first strokes were a bit clumsy but most of them landed squarely across my bottom with a swishing sound that I found quite pleasant. I swung a little harder and found myself drifitng into a different space. I heard Alicia's voice telling me to stop and I came back to the practice room with a jolt. Alicia took the flogger from my hand, smiled and said "well, you seem to have got the hang of it!"
Alicia told me the deerskin flogger was usually reserved for the more tender parts of the body. I would be expected to apply the heavier leather flogger to my own shoulders and bottom in future. She would be my “buddy” and we would perform the The Rite of Penitence together until I became fully proficient. Alicia picked up the leather flogger and began pelting her shoulders with it. Her strokes were quite rapid and her back became bright red. Her breathing rate had become faster and as she stopped flogging herself she said “There has to be more pain than pleasure!” I had found the strokes from the deerskin flogger not to be too unpleasant as I applied it to my bottom; I wanted to feel the leather striking my flesh. I whispered “Please show me”. I stood, hands by my side and relaxed. I gasped as the leather tails of the flogger struck my waiting shoulders for the very first time. I whispered "one!" to myself and waited. I was to receive seven more strokes and then I felt Alicia's erect nipples pressing into my back as she hugged me. I thanked her and sincerely meant it. Alicia gave me some training in how to safely swing the flogger and then stood with her hands by her side and nodded. I delivered eight firm strokes to Alicia's shoulders and then hugged her the same manner in which she had hugged me. She told me I had done a great job but maybe some of my strokes were a bit on the light side. We donned our robes and went back upstairs. Alicia gave me a long hug and left me to change into my outdoor clothes. I felt really good about myself as I walked home.That evening I examined my back in the mirror. There was not a mark in sight!
part 7 to follow...
Index