It Is What It Is

By Danyealle

(MF/angst/fanfiction)

Chapter 5

The Miko and the Taiyoukai

From Kagome’s point of view it seemed that one second she was standing in camp, groggy, and was in a cave somewhere, being held by Sesshomaru, the next.  Bewildered by his actions, she didn’t have clue one as to what was going or why. 

Clutching her close to his chest, he sat down next to the fire pit. She jumped, startled, when the fire lit seemingly on its own.  But other than that small startle she really wasn’t worried or scared.  Glancing up at him, she saw his red eyes, elongated fangs and that the stripes on his cheeks were jagged, all telling her that he was sharing control with his beast.  Unlike what that sight would do to most beings that knew him or had heard about him, it didn’t frighten her a bit.  Right after they had started the affair he had given her his word of honor that he wouldn’t ever hurt her,  Knowing he always kept his word she believed him. 

Resting her head in the crook of his neck, she then nuzzled him softy then wrapped an arm around him.  Twirling a lock of his hair absently around her finger, she shut her eyes letting that jagged rumble in his chest relax her.  She could feel his elongated claws start to run through her sleep tousled hair as he growled softly. Although she wasn’t frightened that he would harm her she was worried about him.  Never before had she seen him lose control like this.

After about 15 minutes of soft snarling and some deep guttural growling, the jagged rumble in his chest smoothed out to the soft purring she was used to hearing from him, signaling that he was once again in complete control of himself. 

Sliding one hand down to the small of her back, he rested his heck on the top of her head.  “I didn’t mean to frighten you Kagome.”  He told her quietly, voice still a bit thicker and deeper than it normally was. 

Pulling away slightly, she looked up at him.  Putting a hand on his cheek, she gently caressed it with her thumb.  “You didn’t.  But I was worried about you!”  She told him, eyes wide.  “What’s going on Sesshomaru?  This isn’t like you at all.”

Growling happily, his beast was all but bouncing around in circles, tail wagging.  It pointed out that this proved she was worthy to be their mate.  She was worried about them, not herself.  Straightening up a bit, he looked down at her.  Then he started rubbing her back softly.  “I’m not sure if I can explain it in a way you’ll understand.”  He told her with a resigned sigh.

“Please try.”  She asked, eyes locked with his.

Quietly, he just gazed into her big eyes.  Reaching out, he stroked her cheek softly with one finger.  Honestly, he didn’t know where to start and there was still a bit of reluctance to open himself up in the way he needed to.  It was then that his beast reared up again and snarled giving him a metaphoric slap upside the head. 

Knowing there was an argument coming if he didn’t proceed, he sighed then the best way he knew how.  “When all of this started both of us agreed that it was just about sex, nothing else involved.”  He stopped to take a deep breath, bracing himself and then went on.  “But after a while, for me anyway, that changed.  I realized that I had developed feeling for you that were well beyond the friendship, if that’s what you would choose to call it, that had grown between us during that time.”

Stopping he once again tried to form how to proceed but was thrown off by an unexpected reaction from her.  All of a sudden she wrapped herself around him an hugged him so tightly that he had to gasp for air. 

“Oh thank Kami!”  She almost sobbed.  “I thought I was the only one!”

Confused, he held her to him.  Then it all clicked into place.  “You felt the same way?”  He asked quietly, rubbing her back.

Nodding, she told him, “Yes,” very quietly.

At that moment a lot of things made sense.  “Is that why you were distancing yourself from me?”

Sighing, she nodded again.  “Yeah, I was afraid to tell you.” She told him, face buried in his shoulder.

After a couple ‘I told you sos’’ from his beast, he sighed.  “I should have said something.  It would have saved both of us a great deal of anguish.”  He said quietly, resting his head against hers.  There was a bloom of joy in his chest that felt good.  But he restrained it because there was one question he needed to have her answer before he would let go and unleash his feelings for her.  “Kagome?  What about Inuyasha and your feelings for him?”   He asked quietly.  Although he was apprehensive about the answer he didn’t let it show in anyway.

Pulling away slightly, she looked him square in the eyes, a smile turning up the corners of her mouth. “Inuyasha is my best friend an big brother but by the time I realized what I was feeling for you anything else was gone.  I will always love him but not in that way.  If you can understand that.”  She told him gently.

Indeed, he could and the last of his insecurities were laid to rest.  Stroking her head gently, he replied, “I understand completely.”  Then he leaned down and a kissed her tenderly.  When he broke off the kiss, he wrapped his arms around her then pulled her flush to his chest. 

Curling up to him, she rested her head on his shoulder, slipping an arm around his waist.  That soothing, soft rumble in his chest started, the one she liked so much, making her smile.

Eyes shut; he held her close, adoring how she felt next to him.  While doing that his mind raced over all the things that he needed to do and what was to come.  There were a lot.  However, most was going to be dependant on her.

After several minutes, when both he and his beast were soothed and completely calm, he put a finger under her chin then tilted her head up so she was looking at him.  After giving her a soft kiss, he then said, “We have much to sort out and work with my Kagome.”

Though she smiled at the ‘my’ bit she said nothing about it.  Instead she asked, “Like what?”

“There are many arrangements to make.  My intent is to make you my mate.  I will settle for nothing less.”  He told her firmly, looking into his eyes.

She smiled, softly, “What about that needs to be arranged?  Isn’t there just marking me involved?  I thought that was done privately.  At leas that’s what I understood from what Sango told me?”

“For youkai that is true.  But you aren’t youkai.”  He explained to her gently.

“What’s the difference?”  She inquired, slightly confused.

“The marking is only part of it.”  He told her.  “There is more to it than just marking you.  It involves an exchange of blood that binds you together for life.  I can mark you but don’t have the fangs to make me as well.  So, after I mark you you’ll need to ingest some of my blood.”  Seeing her wide-eyed look, knowing what it was from, he pressed on to explain it to her.  “I know most humans don’t drink blood and probably find even the thought of it abhorrent, but it will only be a small amount.”  He soothed.

“Why?” she asked, shivering a bit at the though of drinking blood. 

Sighing a bit, he tried to formulate the best way to explain that part without her ‘freaking out’, to use one of her phrases-one that would probably be a very apt description of what her reaction to this could be.  “Because it will start to bind us together and it will change you so you’ll be able to complete the process.”  Hearing her squeak and seeing her eyes grow big, he held her tighter, rubbing her back, trying to sooth her.

“Change in what way?”  She stammered out, heart pounding in her chest.

“Most humans become hanyou, to varying degrees.  Usually, it just a slight change in the color of their eyes, grow fangs and claws, just enough that they can complete the process of marking their mate.”  He felt her relax a bit.  “But in your case I’m not sure.”  He added quietly.

His explanation did alleviate some of her fears or apprehension.  Growing fangs and claws seemed to be a small price to pay so she could be with him.  But the ‘not sure’ bit bothered her.  “What do you mean by ‘not sure?  That I might not change at all?  Or something else?”  She asked, brow creased. 

“Because you’re a very powerful miko chances are that you will probably change more or even become a full youkai.  My guess would be the latter of the two.  You’re powerful, more so than you realize, so an educated guess would deduce the chances of you becoming a full youkai are high.”  He imparted in a quiet and soothing voice.

Absorbing all that he said, she sat there quietly, looking down at the floor for a few minutes.  Internally, she was trying to sort though what he had said.  Without looking up at him, she asked, “What’s happened in the past with mikos?”

Clearing his throat, he replied, voice quiet, “As far as I’ve been able to discern no miko has ever mated with a youkai.”

Head jerking up, she looked at him, eyes wide.  “Never?”

Shaking his head, he said, “Not as far as I can tell.  Nor have I heard or read anything on the topic either.  Remember Kagome, you’re an exception to many things.  Mikos’ feel the same way about us as we do them.  You’re odd in the fact that you have never had the same prejudices as most mikos have.  Youkai are the same way, they wouldn’t allow themselves to see beyond the fact that the being was a miko. You care not about someone’s physiology just what kind of being they are.”  Stopping, he looked down at her and waited to see what she was going to say.  The longer she was quiet a bit of anxiety began to creep in.  “Kagome?  Would you changing be too big of a step to take?  Would it stop you from becoming my mate? “

“No.”  She said distractedly, giving him a reassuring squeeze.  I just want to know what’s going to happen is all. Not knowing things makes me nervous and uptight.”  She explained.

Nodding, he relaxed a bit. ”I wish I could give you absolutes Kagome but there aren’t any in this care.”  He told her quietly.

Resting her head back on his shoulder, she nodded.  “I understand.”  She answered quietly.  “Will the change be just physical or mental as well?”

“The majority will be physical but some mental will come as well such as better instincts and things like that.  But who you are, your personality, emotions and all that will remain the same as they are now.”  He told her.  Actually, all her questions pleased him rather than irritate him like they normally would from other beings.  It was showing how much thought she was putting into it.  The more she asked and knew the less she would be surprised or panicked later on.

Relieved, she nodded.  That had been the biggest of her concerns.  She didn’t want to change who she was.  Most of what he wanted to know had been answered already but there was something else.  She had waited to ask it last because he didn’t want to look like a total wimp.  “Will it hurt?”  She finally stammered out in a voice that was quiet as a whisper.

Sensing her anxiety and a touch of fear, he gently rubbed the back of her neck.  “When we started our relationship I promised you I wouldn’t ever hurt you.  This will be the one time I’m going to have to break that promise.  It will hurt when I mark you.  From my understanding, fairly badly too.  But it will only last for a short time.”

From what Sango had told her in the past she had already heard that.  Although Sango really knew her stuff when it came to youkai, she had learned long ago that some of her information was wrong when it came to some of the high-level youkai like Sesshomaru.  It was though he was a bit more evolved than most youkai.  “I understand.”  She told him quietly.  “I knew about that but wanted to make sure.  What about the changing? Will that hurt?”

“I don’t know and if it does you probably won’t either because you’ll be asleep while it happens.” 

“Asleep?”  She asked, looking up at him, confused.

“Yes.  About an hour after you ingest my blood you’ll fall asleep as the changes start to happen.  During the time you are changing you’ll sleep.  Only I will be able to wake you so you can eat and things such as that.  Even then it won’t be ‘fully awake’.”  Rather than wait for all her question he decided to explain all of it to her, including things she wouldn’t know or think to ask about.  That way she wouldn’t think he was trying to hide anything or sugar coat it in any way.  “You’ll have to stay with me the whole time you’re changing so I can ensure you have whatever it is you’ll need.  No-one else can touch you at that time.  Because you’ll be developing youkai instincts they will kick in when you are vulnerable and will take any other being touching you as a hostile action then attack.  You’ll know who I am and that I’ll protect you so I’ll be safe.  Once I know you’re fully asleep I’ll take you to my fortress so no one will bother you.  Do you understand Kagome?”  He asked gently.

Nodding, she replied, “Yeah, I understand.  It’s sure a lot more complex than what Sango told me.”

“Your exterminator is well versed in the ways of lower level youkai and knows what she’s talking about.  But those like me are different.”  He explained.

Nodding, she said, “I understand.”  Sitting up, she looked at him.  “Can I ask one favor of you please?”

“Of course Kagome.”

“Before taking me to the fortress please let Inuyasha and the rest know I’m OK please?  You did kinda’ scare them and I’m sure they’re worried to death about me by now.”

Looking down at her the corners of his mouth turned upwards fractionally.  Though it looked very much like one of his smirks it was actually a smile.  She had just said she was willing to become his mate.  Also, what she asked made a great deal of sense to him.  As he was well aware, her friends were fiercely protective of the little priestess and would stop at nothing to help her if they thought she needed it.  Because of how he had taken her away he was sure that they would take the whole of Japan apart looking for her. Because they all knew it was him that had taken her it would only be a matter of time before they showed up at his fortress.  If he went to them a fight would most likely be avoided.  The fox kit would know what was going on and he was sure even Inuyasha probably would as well, thus avoiding a fight with them.  Nodding, he told her, “I give you my word I’ll make sure they are aware that you are safe and well.”

“Thanks Sesshomaru.”  She said, smiling, reaching up to stroke his cheek gently.