am not a morning person and, in my half-awake state, I'd forgotten about the alien as I stumbled into the kitchen to make my breakfast.
"You know this could be a thing of the past," a superior voice said.
I jumped. "You sacred the shit out of me. I'd forgotten you were there."
"Sorry." It didn't sound it.
"It's okay. I'm just not fully awake yet." I turned to look at its ugly countenance. "You know, it's not a very appealing thought to know something as ugly as you is going to be inside me."
"There's no need to get personal."
"Why did you take that form?"
It shrugged. "I have no control over it. Anyway, it's what's on the inside and not the outside that counts."
"Spare me the homilies."
"Have you made up your mind?"
"I think so, yes."
"And?"
"I'll do it. Just let me get showered and shaved."
"Don't do that. Let me in now then I can show you some of my powers immediately."
"Okay. But I need coffee first."
"I'll be waiting," it said in a coy voice.
"Okay, so what do I do?" I asked after the coffee had made me feel half-way human.
"I suggest you relax in the chair and close your eyes. It's not necessary but you might find the sight of me entering you upsetting."
"Ugh!" I shuddered. "Will it be painful?"
"I've no idea," it said cheerfully. "I don't think so."
"You fill me with confidence."
"Just relax. When you next hear me it'll be inside your head."
I lay back and closed my eyes but, no, I didn't think of England. I felt a faint fluttering all over my skin like a gentle breeze or a hundred feather dusters. The fluttering became a tingling which increased until it was painful. It felt a bit like the pins and needles you get when your foot falls asleep only amplified fifty times. The tingling sank through my skin. It wasn't that it was painful, which it was; it was more that it was strange and unpleasant and very intrusive, as if my body was being invaded, which, of course, it was. I suddenly remembered that I'd forgotten to ask it about sharing minds but it was too late now. The pins and needles seemed to last for ages as it slowly moved deeper into my body. To feel your liver and heart and gut tingle is not pleasant and not something I would want to repeat very often.
My muscles began to twitch like an attack of petit mal. My toes wiggled, and my fingers. My head moved from side to side, I blinked rapidly and my mouth opened and closed. My cock twitched and my rectum tightened and I suddenly needed to go to the toilet.
"Sorry about that," said a voice inside my head. "I was just making sure I fully understood your body and nervous system."
"Are you in?"
"Yes, thank you. Nicely settled. You don't have to talk out loud, you know. Just think at me and I'll reply."
I tried thinking but there was no response.
"It doesn't work," I said aloud.
"That's because you're not thinking at me. If you don't think at me directly I can't hear you. Your thoughts get lost in your general thought stream." It sounded bit irritated.
I tried again with the same result.
"Try picturing me in your mind. It's not really that difficult, you know."
"The last thing I want to do is picture you in my mind. I'm deliberately trying not to do just that."
"We are tetchy this morning."
"Look can you make an image of someone I would like to be with and associate that with you?"
"Why can't you just picture me?"
"Because the thought of some ugly, misshapen, khaki-coloured alien in my head gives me the willies!"
"Okay, okay. There's no need to get personal," it said huffily.
"You can't get more personal than this."
An image of a man about my age appeared. He had light brown hair and pleasant, bland features - a sort of Identikit young man.
"That better?" it asked.
"Much but he's far too anonymous. I'll never remember him. Make him a bit older and darker and sharpen his features."
"Some people are never satisfied," it grumbled but the image began to slowly change.
"That's it. Just like that."
The image settled on a man of about forty with swarthy skin; dark, wavy hair and a hook nose. I suddenly realised it was the image of a maths teacher I had had and I giggled.
"What's the joke?"
"I've just realised whose image I've created. It's perfect."
Indeed it was for Mr Thompson was renowned for being irascible and not suffering fools gladly. On the other hand, if you were prepared to do your best, he could be very positive. As I had been good at maths I never had any problems but some poor souls went in mortal terror of him. I racked my brains for his first name.
"Charles," I said.
"What?"
"We primitive humans like to attach labels to things and the label I'm going to attach to this image is 'Charles'. From now on, when I want to speak to you I shall call you Charles."
"That's a human name, is it not?"
"Yes."
"Oh, well, I suppose I'm flattered in a way. I've never had a name before. Now try and conjure up the image and talk silently."
"Charles," I thought, calling up the image.
"Gotcha," 'Charles' replied.
"Great, it works," I thought.
"Of course it does. I told you it was simple."
"I have an idea. Could we dispense with the image and just use the label."
"I don't know. We could try."
I cleared my mind and tried again. "Can you hear me Charles?" I thought.
"Loud and clear. I never knew you could do that."
"You're never too old to learn something new," I thought smugly. "Now what?"
"Humph," Charles said. "Remember I asked you not to shower and shave? Now I'm going to show you the sort of things we can do together. Imagine yourself as if you've just emerged from the bathroom."
I did. There was an all-over tingling sensation and, instantly, I felt clean and fresh as if I had just showered. I ran a hand over my chin to find the smoothest shave I'd ever had.
"That's impressive. Does this mean I'll never have to shower again?"
"It does. And I can permanently remove your facial hair if you like."
"I'll pass for the moment. What next?"
"Body control. Find a full length mirror and strip off."
The body I looked at in the mirror was not the best. I wasn't ugly or deformed - just unprepossessing. Skinny, narrow shouldered and a bit out of condition. I wasn't a seven-stone weakling but I had a naturally slender build and no inclination towards athletic pursuits.
"Okay, let's play," Charles said. "Imagine you're looking at the top of the mirror."
"Bloody hell!" I exclaimed and my eye level rose until I was looking at the top of the wardrobe. The irrelevant thought that it was time I dusted up there popped into my head.
"Well, you did ask if I could make you ten feet tall. Going down."
I began to shrink and didn't stop until I could only just see over the sill.
"I feel like bloody Alice in Wonderland."
"Okay. Back to normal. There's lots more to do." It brought me back to my normal height. It's amazing how you take for granted the view you get of the world from whatever height you are. "Now try and think muscles."
I conjured up an image of The Incredible Hulk and, suddenly I was glad I was naked. I positively bulged with muscles. I twisted to examine myself from different angles and found it a very strange experience. My shoulders were too wide, my elbows didn't tuck in properly. I couldn't bring my thighs together properly. I felt top-heavy. My entire balance was off and nothing seemed to move correctly. I decided I didn't want bulging muscles.
And so it went on. We tried different body types; broad shoulders, narrow shoulders, slim hips, wide hips, round bottoms, small bottoms, long legs, short legs. Then we did faces; broad one, thin ones, big features, fine features, nose, lips, cheeks, ears, eyes, the lot. Then we did hair and hands and feet. It is amazing how much variety there is in the human body and how much difference just a small change. Even Charles began to be impressed. In the end we were limited only the limits of my imagination. Finally we did cocks - everything from a fourteen-inch monster to one little bigger than my pinkie.
"Right," said Charles at last. "What do you want to look like?"
The question took me by surprise. We had just been playing and I hadn't thought about making it permanent. "I don't know. Just return me to normal for the moment and I'll think about it."
"You mean you don't want lots of muscles and a big cock so you can screw lots of women?"
I sighed. "Listen, Charles, I realise your experience with the human race has been somewhat limited but take my word for it that we don't go around saying "Ugh" and bashing women on the head and dragging them back to our caves by their hair."
"Well, if you say so."
"I do. Look, can you read?"
"I can see everything you see. Why?"
"We're going to get you an education about 21st Century man. Now I'm hungry. In fact I'm starving." I glanced at the alarm clock - it was only eleven.
"I forgot to mention that body changing uses up energy."
"Sounds reasonable. I'm going to get dressed and go out to lunch. We'll pick up some magazines on the way and you can see how people look and dress and behave. That way you'll have a better idea of what I might want."
I drove to the local shopping centre. I hate malls and normally only go to one if I must but, this being Saturday, I knew there would be lots of people around for Charles to study. As I drove, I began to get a pain in my neck.
"Charles, can you control my body?"
"No. Why?"
"Then why does it feel as if someone's trying to twist my head off my neck. I know you want to gawk but it I don't concentrate on driving, your time here will be short. After lunch we'll go for a walk and you can look all you want."
There was no reply but the pressure on my neck stopped. At the Centre, it started again.
"Look, Charles, either stop it immediately or I'll turn right round and go back home. This is my world. Kindly have the courtesy to allow me to navigate it and, even more, have the courtesy to ask if you want something. I'll do it if I can."
There was a sigh. "Sorry. Just trying to look."
"We'll look later."
I picked up a bunch of 'life style' magazines for men, women and teens for some reason and settled in the 'outdoor' restaurant. The food was terrible but it was food and it would give Charles an opportunity to look round.
"Charles, I'm bloody starving so the first thing I'm going to do is eat," I thought. "After I've had my main course, I'll linger over dessert and let you look. If you want to look somewhere just give me a nudge and I'll do it. Whatever you do, don't stare. Staring is regarded as very rude and could lead to trouble. I'll look casually, look away then look back. Make use of peripheral vision if you can. Is that understood?"
"It'll have to do, I suppose."
"Don't sulk."
If I hadn't been so hungry, I would never have managed to clear the plate of fish and chips I ordered. At one time the fish might have resembled something that swam in the sea but time and man and machinery had contrived to remove all the taste and goodness from it.
"Okay, Charles, what do you want to look at?" I asked as I pulled the plate that had been euphemistically labelled 'cheesecake' towards me.
I felt a slight nudge and let my eyes wander to a nearby table where three young teenage girls sat. They were engaged in animated conversation, as teenage girls normally are. I watched them for a minute then looked away.
"Okay, Charles?" I thought.
"No, but it will have to do. Tell me which ones you liked."
"Well they were a bit young for me but the blonde was quite attractive. The other two did nothing for me." One of the others had been distinctly overweight while the third had been vaguely pretty.
"Young?" He sounded shocked. "They're over the age of puberty and sexually mature. What's wrong with them?"
"Firstly there are laws about engaging in sex with minors - under sixteen. Secondly it's regarded as distinctly odd for there to more than about a five-year age gap between partners."
"I can see I'm going to have to change your thinking," he said firmly. "You don't seem to realise that none of these laws and conventions apply to you any more."
To say I was shocked would have been the understatement of the year. He must have sensed it for I distinctly heard him chuckle.
"Oh, yes. You don't realise the extent of my power. Whatever you want, whatever is in your deepest fantasy, is yours - within the limits we discussed. You want that little blonde? You want to have her bent over the chair and plough her with a ten-inch cock? You've got it. You want her to come over here and sit on your lap? Consider it done. You want her to unzip you and give you a bang-up blow job? You have it. Whatever you want, it's yours."
I stopped with the spoon half way to my mouth as the enormity of what he'd said hit me. Up till then I'd never really considered the implications of having my wishes granted. I'd been too caught up in the mechanics of it all and the novelty of having him inside my head. I put the spoon down carefully and looked back at the girls. Yes, the little blonde was quite a hot little piece. I thought about her sitting on my lap with those pointy little breasts poking into me. I thought of running my hand up her slender thigh under that short skirt and feeling her damp panties. I thought about her head tilted back, her lips parted and her eyes closed, begging me to kiss her. I thought of these things and instantly had a raging erection.
"Charles, are you putting thoughts in my head?" I thought sternly.
"No, but I like the ones you're having," he chuckled.
"I thought you couldn't read my thoughts unless I let you."
"Er, normally that would be true but these are exceptionally strong. So, do you want me to do it?"
For a moment I was tempted. "You couldn't," I thought at last. "There are too many variables."
"Well, yes, perhaps I exaggerated a little. But I could arrange it for you to sort of bump into her and take her off somewhere quiet."
"Get thee behind me, Satan," I thought, only half in jest,
"I'm not the Devil," he said in a hurt tone.
"I only meant that I was sorely tempted but no, I don't think I'm ready for that sort of thing yet. I need to find out a lot more about these powers first."
"You really are a wimp, aren't you."
"No, just cautious. You don't know my world. What if something went wrong and it got out. Next thing you know there would be hordes of policemen at the door and you and I would spend a long and exceedingly unpleasant time in gaol. No, I have to come to terms with your powers and then set things up so there'll be no come-back."
"You mean you're not going to have sex until then?"
It was my turn to chuckle, "I didn't say that."
The conversation had had the merits of reducing my erection to manageable proportions. As I looked up the girls were about to leave. The blonde glanced in my direction. I caught her eye and smiled. She blushed and turned away hurriedly. 'Now what was that all about,' I wondered.
"Tell you what," I thought. "Let's stroll. You let me look around and I'll tell you which women I find attractive. Deal?"
"I don't suppose I have much choice but, yes, deal."
We spent the next couple of hours strolling up and down the mall surreptitiously admiring the women. There seemed to be a lot of them about to admire or perhaps the experience in the café had made me horny. As we strolled I maintained an inner dialogue with Charles describing what I found attractive and what I did not. Sometimes it was a woman's face, sometimes her breasts or her bottom or the way she walked or the way she dressed or her hands or her hair. I described them as sexy, attractive, pretty, fuck-me-now, keep-away, and so on depending on the signals I perceived. I tried to distinguish between those who appeared genuinely attractive as in that you might want to get to know her better and those who were merely sexy in that you might consider them for a one-night stand but nothing else. I tried to include them all, from glamorous grannies to little teens barely into puberty. I drew the line at anything younger because I don't find pre-teens attractive. Cute, yes. Pretty, yes. But not sexy.
"Whew," Charles commented after a while. "You humans are a fairly undiscriminating lot."
"Not at all. We're genetically programmed to continue the species. If we were only attracted to one particular type of woman and no-one else would do, the species would die out." I stopped. "Actually, you're right, we are totally undiscriminating. We also like variety."
I occurred to me that I'd stopped thinking of my alien as 'it' and started to think of it as 'him' to such an extent that I was conducting a conversation as if he was a real person. Talk about instant assimilation.
We had stopped outside a shop and I noticed it was one of these trendy chain stores that catered for both men and women. I took Charles inside for an idea was forming in my head.
"I want you to look at clothes with me. We're going to look at women's clothes so I can tell you what sort of thing I find attractive and then we'll look at the men's side so you can see what the latest fashions are."
"Why is this important?"
"Because clothing can be sexy. A woman partly clad can be sexier than one naked. I'll show you more later. For the men's side, just take notes just now. I have the germ of an idea but I'm going to keep it to myself for now."
"Suit yourself."
"Oh, dear, that was almost a pun. Don't tell me you have a sense of humour."
"I wouldn't know but I doubt it."
We browsed the shops. Now I hate shopping. If I want something, I'll go to the shops, look at what's on offer and buy the one I like best or can afford. I don't stop to look at other things nor do I go to the shops just to look. I had a girlfriend who's greatest pleasure was to spend her Saturdays wandering from one shop to another. She didn't buy much but she really enjoyed looking - and I mean really enjoyed looking. She could spend hours in shops, picking up items holding them against her to see how they looked, imagining them with this handbag or that pair of shoes. We broke up because I couldn't share her enthusiasm. So I wouldn't say that this was exactly fun but I felt it was important.
In one of the shops a sales girl approached us - an attractive girl in her late teens with long, dark hair and a kissable mouth. "Can I help you?"
"I was just browsing, thank you." Then on impulse, "I'm looking for something for my girlfriend's birthday and I know she likes the clothes in here."
"You little liar," came Charles's voice inside my head.
"What sort of thing did you have in mind?" the girl asked.
"I don't know. A top, perhaps. I was thinking she might like this." I held up the garment I was holding. "Could you do me a favour and hold it up so I can see it?"
The girl held the top by the shoulders and let it drape down her front. I pretended to study it while I admired her trim ankles and long legs.
"Well, I don't know. She has similar hair to you but a paler skin. Do you have any other colours?"
"I'll go and look. What size is she."
I grinned. "I could say 'about your size', but she's actually a size 10."
The girl giggled and blushed. "That is my size. I won't be a moment."
"What are you doing?" Charles asked.
"I thought I had to summon you before you could talk."
"Never mind that. What are you doing? Do you want her?"
"Not particularly though she is rather nice. I'm conducting an experiment."
"What sort of experiment?"
"Before you came along I wouldn't have had the nerve to do this so I'm experimenting with flirting."
"Flirting? What's that?"
"Observe and learn. Now be quiet. She's coming back."
"I've only got pink and blue in size 10, I'm afraid."
"Oh, well. Could you please do the modelling bit again. If that's okay."
"No problem."
She modelled the pink one and I shook my head. "It doesn't suit you at all." She coloured and looked slightly cross. "And it wouldn't suit Ronnie either."
She smiled as she got the joke and picked up the blue one.
"Now that is exactly your colour," I said.
She blushed prettily. "I know. I've got one."
"Have you? That's a shame because now I can't buy it for you." I winked at her making her blush even more. "However, I could buy it for Ronnie. I know she likes blue and I think this would suit her fine." I hesitated. "There's just one thing. I couldn't help noticing that, er, you are better endowed than Ronnie. Do you think it would be okay? I mean, the fit across the chest and that."
Her face was now bright red as she struggled to maintain a professional demeanour. "Oh, yes, the fabric stretches so it looks good on any figure."
"Great. I'll take it."
As she was handing me the carrier bag with my garment, she leaned towards me in and asked in a low voice, "Do you really have a girlfriend called Ronnie?"
"No," I grinned. "Did you know you're very attractive when you blush?"
I skipped out of the shop leaving her with an open mouth and another attractive blush.
"That was fun," I thought at Charles.
"You certainly seemed to be enjoying yourself," he muttered. "As was the young lady though I don't understand why."
"Think of it as a sort of courtship ritual," I thought. "Now, if I go home could you rustle up some food. I really couldn't stand another meal in this place."
"Your wish is my command, O Mighty One."
"Don't be sarcastic. It doesn't become you."
Before we left the centre, I stopped off and bought a collection of top shelf magazines - all in the interests of Charles's education of course.
I was tired out by the time we arrived home. Shopping does that for me. Charles had wanted to rubber-neck on the way and I'd had to speak sharply to him several times. I was getting the distinct impression he was not entirely happy with the situation he now found himself in.
"First thing is dinner," I thought to him. "Then we need a serious talk. Finally we will do some reading."
"Whatever you say." He sounded sulky. "What do you want to eat?"
"I have no idea. I'm too tired to think of anything fancy. Italian, perhaps."
"Just imagine it and it'll be there."
I thought of a particularly good penne I'd had the previous month and, almost before I had finished the thought, it was there. Not only the pasta but the table and chairs, cutlery, crockery and table setting exactly as it had been in the restaurant.
"A bit over the top, Charles, but thanks."
"You're welcome."
I sat down and tucked in.
"You know," I said, conversationally, "the thing that accompanies good food best is good company."
"You want me to get you a woman? The girl from the clothes shop, perhaps, or the little blonde in the café?" he said eagerly.
"I'm tempted, Charles, but no. I was referring to you. You are sulking."
"I am not."
"You are but we'll let it ride. Right now we need to sort some things out and we need to do some reading. You're supposed to help me, so do it."
"Okay," he sighed.
"Now listen carefully. In order to survive I need food, shelter, heat, light, clothing, transport and the like. To obtain these I need money and to obtain the money I need to work. I work from Monday to Friday so we have one more day to resolve the money situation."
"Is money like tokens?" He was starting to sound interested.
"Sort of."
"Is that what you were doing at the café and the clothing shop, exchanging tokens for goods and services? Well, that's no problem; I can provide all the tokens you want."
"I'm afraid there is a problem. The first is the nature of the tokens. I took out a £10 note and held it up. "It's printed with very sophisticated watermarks and whatnot to make it very difficult to counterfeit."
"Pshaw. Child's play. Your dinner was more difficult than that." And before I could blink there was another £10 note in my hand.
I examined them and smiled. They were identical. "A neat parlour trick but useless."
"Useless? It's a perfect copy."
"That's why it's useless."
"Oh. Let me see them through your mind, then." I felt a slight tingle in my brain then. "Hmph, every one is different. What a stupid system. Where do you get these tokens?"
"From a cash machine or a bank."
"A machine is no good. I can't influence a stupid machine. Tomorrow we visit a bank."
"The banks are shut tomorrow - it's Sunday."
He sighed. "I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything else from an ape culture. When are they not shut?"
"Monday. The day after tomorrow."
"Fine. We'll visit one first thing in the morning. I suppose the bank people will know how the system works? Or is even that too much to expect?"
"I don't know. I expect someone will. Can you read their minds?"
"I've told already that I can't read minds. Just take me to a bank and I'll find out."
"We can't go first thing."
"Why not? What's the problem now?" He was practically shouting.
"No need to shout. I have to go to work on Monday. I told you that already. Weren't you listening?"
"Then don't go to work."
"Then I'd lose my job and I'd have no money."
"But I can make all the money you need."
"And how am I going to explain where all this money came from?"
"You don't."
"That'll go down really well with the nice policeman when he arrests me for theft or forgery," I said sarcastically.
"What is the matter with you? You ask if I can do something. I say yes. Then you tell me it's no good. Are you deliberately being difficult?"
"It's the way things work."
"Then change them."
"I can't change them. You can't change them. You said yourself there was a limit to your powers. You can't change the world so you're just going to have to work within it."
"Powers preserve me from ignorant savages."
"Bugger off, then. I'll go back to work on Monday and I'll forget you even exist."
"You can't do that."
"Why can't I?"
"Because I'm here and I have the power to make you anything you want."
"I haven't seen much sign of that so far. Every solution you've proposed is so simplistic even a five-year-old could see it wouldn't work."
"So exactly what is it you want me to do? He was petulant.
"Find a way that I can have all the money I want without being arrested."
"What is being arrested?"
"We have laws - rules governing what you can and can't do. If you break the rules, you're arrested and shut up in a building with lots of other people who have broken the rules and you stay there for a very long time. That's grossly over-simplified, of course, but I doubt you're capable of understanding anything more complicated."
"How dare you. I am a highly sophisticated artefact from a civilisation that makes yours look like a kindergarten and powers you've never even dreamed about."
"So start using them, then." He was silent. "Well, can you or can't you?"
"Can I or can't I what?"
"Find a way of giving me all the money I want without being arrested."
"No."
"You can't? Right, it's back in the box for you, old son."
"Wait. Wait. I mean I can't right now. I don't know enough about this money of yours. Let me think. Who would know about it?"
"A banker, I suppose, or an accountant. An accountant would be better."
"So we'll find an accountant."
"How do we do that?"
"Walk about till we find one."
"You mean we'll just pick one up casually off the street."
"Exactly."
"But… wait a minute; is this like going to the bank to find how banknotes are made?"
"Ten out of ten."
"Okay… so you can't read minds but you can find out things about people?"
"Yes."
"So, this afternoon you were 'reading' all the people in the shopping centre?"
"No."
"Don't start these stupid word games again."
"Keep your hair on." Where did he find all these idiomatic expressions? From my mind I supposed. "As you guessed, I can find out things about people. It's part of manipulating the environment. But I can only find out if I know what I'm looking for. Now I know about money, I shall have no problem in finding the appropriate people."
"Once we've found an accountant, and I suppose we'd better find one that's a bit bent, then what? Accost him in the street?"
"You said you 'worked' and I had in image of a large building with lots of people in it. So I suppose accountants also work."
"Yes."
"Then we follow him to where he works."
"And make an appointment in the regular way. Charles, I take it back. When you set your mind to it, you really come up with the goods."
"Of course. I'm a genius, you said so yourself. Oh, you mentioned something about bending."
"Bent, yes. Crooked. What we're doing isn't exactly legal and we don't want to be reported to the police the instant we leave his office."
"Got that."
"Right. Well it's a start I suppose. There are a whole bunch of other things we need to sort out but I'm too tired right now."
"How about a little action, then?"
"What sort of action?"
"Girls. Women. Sex. Nookie."
"But where would we find women at this time of night? It's after eleven."
"So? Aren't there clubs and things open till late?"
"How did you know about that?"
"I didn't, you did," he said smugly.
"I suppose so."
"How about it. Let Uncle Charles treat you tonight."
"Well, okay." Now he mentioned it I was feeling randy and it would be nice to actually benefit from his powers for once.